


What The Hell Is Your Problem, Kim Seungmin!?

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Comedy, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Slow Burn, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 02:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 194,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15809919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kim Seungmin is always daydreaming. His overactive imagination has him battling dungeon goblins or becoming an Olympic fencing champion when he really should be paying attention in class. In his daydreams, everything goes exactly the way he wants it to and he can get whatever he desires. But when he decides to actually do something about his real world crush on Lee Felix, Seungmin will soon discover that falling in love can be more fun, more epic and more unexpected than anything he's ever dreamed of.





	1. In Which A Very Important Letter Is Kinda Sorta Maybe Delivered

“They say I’m crazy,

I’m just daydreaming

‘Bout you and me.”

 

Day Dreaming by Pia Mia

 

“I’m going to do it,” said Kim Seungmin. “I’m for real this time.”

 

Han Jisung was not convinced. He was so unconvinced that he didn’t look up from his phone and kept on playing his anime big titty waifu game. “That’s what you said yesterday. And the day before...”

 

It was Wednesday. It was the first week of May. Summer vacation was getting extremely close and Seungmin had promised himself that he would do this before the school year was over because he would be damned before he went through another summer single.

 

“I am going to do it today,” Seungmin reiterated, speaking each syllable slowly like he was enunciating for a child. He leaned out of the classroom door and stared down the school hallway, a tad wistfully, and admired the red-haired boy at the far end of it who was standing _just so_ beside one of the windows and being bathed in the right amount of sunlight to make him look unreal. Lee Felix. Painfully cute. Magnificent. Seo Changbin, an upperclassmen, was with Felix and he must have said something funny because they both threw their heads back and laughed and laughed. The sound was like a chorus of angels.

 

“Hello? Earth to Seungmin!” Jisung wouldn’t let him rest.

 

Seungmin turned back around. “I’m going to do it today.” Perhaps if he kept repeating it, it would become true.

 

Jisung snorted. “Today as in right now or today as in ten years from now?” One of the characters in the game he was playing made a pervy-sounding moan.

 

“At lunch. I wrote the perfect love letter. I have it. It’s right here.” Seungmin dug around in the front pocket of his school uniform shirt and then pulled out an intricately folded sheet of pastel green paper. “I _am_ going to confess to him today. I swear to God.”

 

Jisung let out a world-weary sigh and then leaned back against the wall, his eyes still on his game. “I don’t believe you.”

 

Seungmin stared down at the note in his hand. For the letter to only be one paragraph long, it had taken him three and a half hours, about forty-seven sheets of paper, and an origami book he hadn’t pulled out since he was a kid to put the whole thing together last night. He had started and stopped so many times. He would give up, dive under his bed sheets to forget about it, only to be filled with determination and jump back into his desk chair with renewed confidence. It was the same cycle over and over until almost two in the morning. It was a miracle he had even woken up for school on time today.

 

 _My Dear_ , the letter began, _My crush on you is overwhelming. I spot you in the halls and happiness crushes me like I’m drowning in the depths of the Pacific Ocean. Your handsomeness lights up the sky brighter than the sun. As if you are a witch, I have become a victim of your spell. I have fallen for you. Despite knowing that you are galaxies away from me and that I do not compare to you in any form, I have fallen for you. I want you. I want you! Mind, body and soul. Will you let me have you? Will you have me? Please let me know. Yours, Seungmin._

 

“Who the hell are you, Shakespeare?” Jisung asked. At least he had looked up from his phone.

 

Seungmin turned towards him.

 

Jisung nodded slowly, his mouth was contorted with disgust. “Yes. To answer your burning question, you said all of that embarrassing shit out loud.”

 

Well, damn. Seungmin swallowed hard and looked around. At least the hallway was noisy enough that he was sure no one else heard. “What do you think?”

 

“A bit wordy and archaic. No one sane talks like that.”

 

Definitely not the mood he was going for. His confidence shattered, Seungmin started to crumple the note into a ball in his hand but Jisung snatched it out of his palm just in time.

 

“But,” Jisung said quickly, “It’s a lot less creepy than that pornographic thing you wrote last month.”

 

“Pornographic,” Seungmin repeated the word. “Huh?”

 

“I saw the word ‘squirt’ and I _had_ to stop reading and bleach my eyes.”

 

“Oh.” The word slipped out of Seungmin’s mouth. He had... forgotten about that. “That was just an early draft.”

 

“Mmmhmm,” Jisung hummed. “This is a step up.” He raised the note to his nose and gave it a sniff. “Is that scented ink?”

 

“Perfume,” Seungmin corrected. “It’s designer. My brother’s girlfriend left it in my room.”

 

Jisung raised an eyebrow.

 

“No, not like that, jeez,” Seungmin waved the obscene thought away. “She comes over every day after school. She’s always in my room playing Mario Tennis or using my desk as her vanity and leaving all of her makeup there so she won’t have to keep it in her purse. She told me this.”

 

Jisung handed him back the note. Once again, he did not look convinced.

 

“I’m serious!” Seungmin said. “You would think she’s already married to my brother and has moved in with us.”

 

“Out of the way,” a dark, gruff voice interrupted them. The sound was chilling. The brutal noise of thunder before a big storm.

 

Both Seungmin and Jisung startled.

 

Hwang Hyunjin stood in the hallway in front of them, scowling. There was something about him that made him look scarier than usual today. Probably because it was his first day back at school after being suspended for fighting last week and the cut on his lip still looked fresh and raw and red. He looked first at Jisung and then at Seungmin. “Stop blocking the door.” He put his shoulder into Seungmin’s chest and nearly knocked him over as he charged past and entered the classroom.

 

“Asshole,” Seungmin hissed at the dude’s back. He stuck two fingers up his nose to block out the heavy stench of cigarette smoke that had followed Hyunjin into the room.

 

The tall boy must have heard him speak because he stopped walking and turned his head just enough to hook his eyes in Seungmin’s direction. Seungmin almost shit himself in fright but the tense moment passed and Hyunjin walked on. He folded his body into his usual seat in the back row of the classroom and propped his feet up on the desk. His uniform was in disarray and even his hair was disheveled yet there was still an effortless cool about him that had all of the girls in class spin around in their seats to ogle him and giggle excitedly behind their hands.

 

Why did bad boys always get everything?

 

Seungmin clenched his fists in a surge of anger, only to remember the note in his hand. He smoothed out the wrinkles in the paper and then stashed it back in his front pocket where he hoped it would be safe.

 

“Anyways,” Jisung said, breaking the silence, “if you’re actually going to give that to Felix today, I will saw off my right foot.”

 

“Shhh,” Seungmin hissed at him. He didn’t want anyone to overhear.

 

“All I’m saying is that I’m sick of you going on and on about him. You’ve written enough poems about that dude that you could probably publish a whole book.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“That wasn’t a compliment. It’s creepy. If you’re going to do it, do it. Stop talking and start acting. It’s tiring listening to you whine.”  

 

Seungmin couldn’t have been _that_ bad, could he? “I said I’m doing it today, didn’t I?” He saw the disbelieving look on his friend’s face. “At lunch,” Seungmin exclaimed. “If I don’t do it today, I’ll…” He racked his brain. What was a severe enough punishment? “I’ll…”

 

“Good morning,” came a voice as soft and gentle as velvet.

 

Seungmin let out a squeaky sound that was either a cat dying or door hinges that needed oiling.

 

It was him. Not just anyone, but _him_!

 

Felix stood in the hallway outside of their classroom now, his hair was so curly and so shiny. Seungmin wanted to run his hands through it. Freckles dotted his face like a star map. Seungmin wanted to touch them and count them. Felix smiled cheerfully at them and the world got about ten times brighter. Seungmin had to look away or else he’d be permanently blinded.

 

Jisung kicked Seungmin in the shin.

 

“Yo, I don’t mean to interrupt,” Felix said, nervously laughing just the tiniest bit, “but can I tip by you guys? Class is about to start.”

 

“We _are_ standing in the way,” Jisung admitted. He stepped backwards and out of the middle of the doorway to allow Felix to pass.

 

“Thanks. Sorry, sorry,” Felix dipped his head apologetically and squeezed through the narrow space between the door jamb and Seungmin’s petrified body. Their arms brushed against each other with featherlight softness but Seungmin felt even that tiny amount of contact like it was a fire starting across his skin.

 

Behind the boy’s back, Jisung made a series of expressions that probably meant ‘speak words to him’ but Seungmin suddenly couldn’t see. He had... something in his eye! Yeah, that’s it! He had an eyelash. Stuck in his eye. Yeah! He rubbed at his eye and looked everywhere but at Jisung’s imploring face.

 

Jisung kicked him in the shin again. “Coward!”

 

“I’ll do it at lunch!” Seungmin squawked, just as the class bell rang.

 

“Alright, class, take your seats,” their teacher said in his big, booming voice. He hadn’t even walked into the room yet but his words had an immediate effect on the students. Everyone, Seungmin included, dashed to their assigned seats as the pot-bellied math teacher waddled into the room. Seungmin didn’t know what lesson they were going over today because he stopped paying attention the second his teacher began speaking.

 

Who the hell needed math? Especially when there were letters where numbers should be!

 

With the teacher’s droning lecture as white noise, Seungmin pulled out his math textbook but he was only using it as a shield to hide what he was truly reading from his teacher: a manga.

 

His eyes scanned the panels, taking in the detailed line work and expressive character design. It was a shojo manga. He usually preferred darker and more action-packed stories but while in the bookstore yesterday evening, he had been intrigued by the cutely drawn cover and the promise of a fluffy romance and it had taken only one chapter for him to get hooked and buy the thing. He had spent the first half of yesterday evening devouring the story and, if he was going to be honest, the love letter the protagonist had found in her locker had been the inspiration Seungmin needed to write his own love letter into the wee hours of the night.

 

He never would have thought a manga like this would appeal to him. There was just something so fascinating about the art style and about school romances and about the quiet loner one falling in love with the loud popular one while the childhood friend one quietly crushed on the quiet loner one. No wonder the trope was so widespread. The story felt so universal. So real. So full of the magic of youth and the pain of longing and the joy of infatuation. Seungmin could… easily relate. Minus the love triangle bit. Pssh. He couldn’t even get a love _line_.

 

As he flipped the pages, he found himself getting ever more enraged as the tension between two of the characters built up. No! It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. Why was she giving the childhood friend a chance? He was so possessive and cold. Why wasn’t she going for the super hot popular dude with the swoopy hair! He was a much better fit. He was on the cover, for crying out loud! Seungmin read the conversation on the pages angrily, knowing that he was being a little silly but also enjoying the fact that the story had such a grip on him already. The two characters were in the courtyard after school, cherry blossom petals fluttered around them as the spring breeze toyed with their hair. Wait. Was the hot guy watching from the upstairs window? Yup. There he was! Noooooo. Seungmin bit his bottom lip and tried not to scream as the incorrect pairing in the manga leaned really, really, really close to each other.

 

No wonder romance was such a popular genre. This shit was exciting!

 

And then... they kissed.

 

Seungmin jumped up out of his chair. At the top of his lungs, he screamed, “NO! Not _that_ one, dumbass!”

 

Thirty pairs of eyes all locked on Seungmin, including the math teacher’s.

 

Oh yeah.

 

Seungmin was in the middle of class. He sucked on his teeth and glanced around, his face turning red from all of the scrutiny. There was Felix, sitting by the window, watching him with his hand over his mouth as if he was trying not to laugh. In the seat in front of Seungmin was Jisung, who had the audacity to say, “Dude, come on” even though he had stashed his phone between the pages of his textbook and the glow of the screen was visible through the paper.

 

“Kim Seungmin,” their teacher said with a long, weary, I-don’t-get-paid-enough-for-this sigh. “You know what to do, young man. Go stand in the hall. Fifteen minutes.”

 

“Sorry, sir,” Seungmin apologized with a sheepish smile. This wasn’t his first time having to stand in the hall as punishment for disrupting class. It was pretty much a daily occurence so he didn’t know why the teacher still bothered at this point.

 

“And leave that book behind,” their teacher scolded him. “You’re not supposed to have fun out there. You’re supposed to reflect and learn and _not do this again_. Understand?”

 

“Yes, sir,” Seungmin groaned, sliding the manga into his desk and slinking out into the aisle. He ignored the cricket-like noise of his classmates snickering at him and stepped outside of the classroom into the hallway, sliding the door shut behind him.

 

Seungmin heard their teacher say, “Class, settle down,” and then he stopped paying attention because he was now free. He took a deep breath. One of the windows across the hall was slightly open, letting in the scent of fresh cut grass and an unseasonably chilly breeze. Seungmin crossed the hall and leaned out of the second-floor window, letting the wind brush over his face. He shut his eyes and caught a whiff of what the home ec class downstairs was baking.

 

This called for a poem. He opened his eyes.

 

“Sweetness floating, drifting, singing,” he recited, making it up as he went along, “The heart reaches. Lust holds its hand.” He reached his hand out of the window dramatically, making a mad grab for the white clouds drifting across the sky above him. “Bitterness rests, hardens, screams. The truth beckons. Happiness withers in its grasp.” He clenched his fist. That shit was perfect. He needed to post it before he forgot it.

 

Seungmin pulled out his phone and logged into his online journal where he put bits and pieces of his poetry and stories for other people to ignore. He typed up the quick poem, titled it ‘Youth’ and hit post.

 

Jisung needed to see it.

 

Like clockwork, he got a text notification. He knew it was from Jisung before he even looked at it.

 

> wut were u reading in class. u sound like a dolphin when u giggle

 

This was news to Seungmin. He tapped out a reply.

 

> Wait. How much noise was I making?

 

Jisung’s reply came after a few seconds.

 

> i recorded it.

 

After another brief moment, the audio file popped up in the chat. Seungmin was almost scared to tap ‘play’ but he did anyway. At first, he only heard the teacher droning on. Something about factors yadda yadda yadda. Then, almost too quietly for him to hear through the phone speaker, Seungmin heard his own voice. A muffled _ehehehe_ . Jisung was right. He sounded like a dolphin. Then it was just the teacher’s voice again. A student coughed. Then there was a noise like a bag being unzipped. Seungmin heard his own laugh again. Not quite loud enough to be annoying. More like a bug whizzing through the air. Seungmin heard enough. He was about to pause the playback when he heard his own scream ‘NO! Not _that_ one, dumbass!’

 

Seungmin flinched at the volume. No wonder everyone in class had been staring at him like he had lost his mind. He had gotten loud. And screechy.

 

The classroom door slid open behind him. Seungmin shoved his phone in his pocket, fearful the teacher had heard him on his phone and was about to confiscate it, but it was just Jisung trudging out into the hall with a dejected expression on his face.

 

“What are you in for?” Seungmin asked.

 

Jisung leaned against the wall beside his friend and poked his head out of the window. “He caught me on my phone and sent me out.”

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin said. Jisung had probably gotten in trouble texting him.

 

“Oh, this is actually the best case scenario,” Jisung said, meeting Seungmin’s eye. Now he was smiling. “I’m glad I was texting you because if I was playing that game instead, he probably would have sent me to the office.”

 

“Why?” Seungmin had gotten caught with his phone during class several times but had never been sent to the office about it.

 

Jisung leaned in close. “Well, in that game, you have to use your finger to undress the girls and rub on their titties.”

 

“Y- You have-- You have to w-what?”

 

“You heard me,” Jisung mumbled. He actually seemed embarrassed about it. He lowered his voice. “You have to give them a... special touch to power them up and get stat boosts. It’s the only way to beat the tougher bosses.”

 

“Oh,” Seungmin said, the syllable slid out of his mouth like he had dropped it.

 

“Don’t give me that look.” Jisung slapped him on the shoulder.

 

“How does rubbing on them make them stronger?” Seungmin was actually afraid to learn the answer.

 

Jisung stepped in front of Seungmin. “Let me demonstrate.”

 

“I didn’t ask for all of that.”

 

“It’ll only take a second. Let me show you.”

 

“Fine,” Seungmin huffed.

 

“Uncross your arms,” Jisung pleaded.

 

After hesitating for several seconds, Seungmin complied. “Don’t get my tickle spot.”

 

“Okay.” Jisung stepped close. “When you have the warrior girl you want on the select screen, you have to tap them and they’ll say benign stuff like ‘Commander, I love spending time with you’ but if you keep tapping them, they’ll start saying stuff like ‘We’re alone now, Commander’ and then their little picture changes and their uniforms are off. Next thing you know-” He reached out and started rubbing Seungmin’s chest. Lightly at first, but then more confidently and aggressively. “-and then they say stuff like ‘Commander, I really like it when you pay this kind of attention to me’ and then you keep going and they’re like ‘I’ll do anything, Commander, as long as it is with you.’” Why on God’s green Earth could Jisung do a timid, submissive voice so well? It was like he practiced at home. “-and then their picture changes again and they are even more naked and gasping then they’re swearing their undying loyalty to you and next thing you know, you’ve doubled their attack and defense and now you can rip the boss apart.” He stepped away, dusting off his hands.

 

Seungmin stood there wide-eyed. “That’s-”

 

“It’s weird, okay? I get it. It’s pervy. But the graphics are really good and, despite a few translation errors, the story is amazing.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“How can you say anything about what I do when you’re reading a reverse harem manga?”

 

“It’s not a harem. There’s only two.”  

 

“More than one is a harem, man.”

 

Seungmin laughed and shook his head. He was already thinking of something else. Jisung’s high-pitched Commander voice had unlocked something deep in his head. Way in the back where all the dark, nighttime thoughts were. Something wild and furious and primal.

 

He wondered if he could get Felix to call him Commander.

 

“Ugh,” Jisung groaned, slapping him on the shoulder again. “Don’t ruin that word for me.”

 

“Did I say that out loud,” Seungmin asked uselessly, rubbing the back of his neck and wishing he could disappear. Yikes. His mouth would get him in deep trouble one day.

 

The classroom door slid open with a bang. Their math teacher stood there, his round face red and damp with sweat. He glared at them from across the hall for several seconds before he got his words together. “Alright, you two. That’s more than enough fun for one period. You’re being more disruptive outside the class than in it. Back to your seats! Both of you. No books. No phones.”

 

“Yes, teacher,” Jisung sing-songed, leading the way back into the classroom.

 

Seungmin followed behind him, his legs feeling stiff as his nerves caught on fire. If they had been that loud, he hoped Felix hadn’t heard him. As he walked to his desk, Seungmin glanced towards the front corner of the room.

 

For once, Seungmin was glad the boy wasn’t looking at him.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It was really easy for Seungmin to daydream about the confident, self-assured man he wished that he was. In the confines of his head, he was cool and popular and smart. Gone was the nerdy idiot who read manga in class and was too scared to talk to his crush. Gone was the dork who could count his friends on one hand. In his head, he was the _real_ Kim Seungmin.

 

The Kim Seungmin he was supposed to be.

 

The him of his daydreams wouldn’t even bother with something as silly as writing a note. He would just corner Felix in the hallway between classes, slap his hand on the wall next to Felix’s head and simply say, “Be mine” while flashing a sexy smile. That’s all he would have to do to get what he wanted. That was all it would take. Of course, Felix would get a little wide-eyed and timid but then he’d tap his fingers together and blush, grin from ear to ear and say “I’m all yours, Commander.” And then they would make out pretty aggressively. Lots of tongue. Definitely some fondling. Perhaps they would wait until the tardy bell rang and then slip into the bathroom to finish what they started right then and there. Oh, but maybe they wouldn’t do that because Jisung would still have to hobble up next to them, clutching his mangled right foot in his hands, whimpering from the pain as blood leaked out of his stumpy leg.

 

Seungmin snorted back a laugh. That would be funny.

 

Maybe Jisung would wear his severed foot like a necklace and they could decorate the toenails or sign his ankle like it was a plaster cast.

 

But back to Felix. Seungmin would get him up against the wall and fix him with a look that would get the boy’s knees shaking. “Seungmin,” Felix would say in that low, hot voice of his. Yeah. Like that. Seungmin could easily picture the boy’s hopeful expression. “Seungmin.” Breathy and rough. Wow, when did daydreams get so high definition? Seungmin thought he was looking right at Felix. He could see the boy’s face so clearly that he could name all of the little twinkles in his eyes. Damn, even his smile seemed exquisitely detailed today. But yeah, anyways… Seungmin would get him against the wall and put his hand under Felix’s chin and tilt his head back and lean in close and-- “Seungmin?” Yeah! Felix would start blushing just like that!

 

Wait a minute.

 

“Oh my-” Seungmin gasped out. Inhaling was an awful idea. His mouth was full of food and now he was choking on it.

 

This wasn’t a daydream. Felix was _actually_ sitting at the lunch table across from him, calling his name. When did that happen? How long had that been happening?

 

Seungmin gasped for breath. He slapped his hand on the table. He was legitimately choking.

 

“You okay,” Felix asked. His eyebrows shot up in concern.

 

Seungmin thumped his chest with his fist and coughed up the noodle that was clogging up his airway. In horror, he watched it sail through the air towards Felix. The boy ducked his head sideways just in time to avoid getting hit in the face with it. “Oh my God,” Seungmin coughed out. “Sorry!”

 

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” Felix said. “You were staring at me so intently that I thought you knew I was sitting here.”

 

“Staring at you?” Seungmin looked around. He felt like he had just woke up. Snapping out of it, he took in the chaos of the cafeteria around him. People moved in all directions and the space was filled with the static-like noise of conversation and clinking silverware. Seungmin definitely seemed to be awake right now… but if he wasn’t dreaming, why was Felix here? He turned back to the boy. “I didn’t mean to stare. I honestly didn’t see you. Well, I saw you but I didn’t see you.” He started coughing again.

 

“Really, are you good?” Felix questioned.

 

Seungmin nodded. He cleared his throat. “What’s up? Did you need something?”

 

Felix tilted his head. “Weren’t you the one that needed something?” Seungmin must have worn his confusion right there on his face because Felix clarified, “Jisung told me you wanted to talk to me.”

 

“Huh?” That Jisung! The bastard! He’d kill him! Seungmin spun around and tried to find Jisung but he wasn’t nearby. He was probably on the other side of the cafeteria, watching the inevitable train wreck and laughing like an evil villain the entire time. But what was done was done. He looked Felix in the eye. Well… “I did want to talk to you,” Seungmin said. He could hardly get the words out because he could feel his heart thumping so hard it seemed to be at the back of his throat. “I actually wanted your opinion. I wrote something, actually, and if you could look at it and tell me what you think...” The words were flying out of his mouth faster than he could stop them. Why was he saying any of this? Why couldn’t he stop talking? “Here.” As if his body was moving on its own, Seungmin reached into his front pocket and grabbed hold of the note. He almost couldn’t get it out of his pocket because his hands were already that sweaty.

 

Felix propped his elbows up on the lunch table between them, his face full of such inquisitiveness that Seungmin started to regret handing him the letter when he hadn’t even done it yet. His nervousness got the better of him and he started coughing furiously.

 

“You’re not still choking, are you?” Felix asked. He leaned across the table and reached out a hand. It was but a hair’s width away from Seungmin’s own hand before he realized what was happening.

 

“I’m fine,” Seungmin jerked back quickly. He wouldn’t be able to handle physical contact right now. He would disintegrate. “I just need to drink something.” He made a grab for his strawberry milk and had taken all of two sips of it before he saw something else completely and utterly shocking. Before Seungmin knew it, strawberry milk had come out of his nose.

 

“Dude,” Felix slid back in his chair, but he seemed more amused than disgusted.

 

Seungmin’s free hand darted across the table to the napkin dispenser and he hurriedly grabbed a handful of them and began to wipe his face.

 

Genuinely curious, Felix asked, “What’s gotten into you?”

 

Seungmin silently pointed past Felix. He couldn’t make this shit up if he tried.

 

Felix turned around in his chair.

 

There was a group of guys sitting at the next table. The one lounging back in the seat directly behind Felix had been in the immediate flight path of the rogue noodle that had come out of Seungmin’s mouth. The damn thing was sitting right on the guy’s shoulder and was impossible to miss.

 

Felix hurriedly turned back around. His face was pale like he’d just seen a ghost.

 

Of course, it just _had_ to be Hwang Hyunjin! Fate could be so cruel.

 

“You just gonna leave that there?” Felix whispered.

 

Seungmin nodded vigorously.

 

“Really?” Felix gave him a look.

 

“You get it. You’re closer.”

 

“I’m not touching that.”

 

“Neither am I.”

 

Felix pointed at him. “You have to. It’s _yours_.”

 

Hyunjin didn’t seem to be aware of the noodle now but when he discovered it, would he be pissed? Would he automatically figure out that Seungmin had threw it at him or something? What would he do in retaliation? How loud would he get? Seungmin shuddered at the thought.

 

Felix must have been thinking the same thing. Suddenly serious, he whispered, “Do it before he notices. Hurry.”

 

“Fine,” Seungmin stood up. If he was quick and careful, he could snatch it off Hyunjin’s shoulder without the guy even realizing. No problem. Seungmin circled around the lunch table. Felix gave him a thumbs up that was probably supposed to be encouraging. Seungmin stepped up behind Hyunjin as quietly as a mouse. Just a little bit closer. The noodle was right within reach! He pinched his fingers together and grabbed hold of the noodle by one end. Good. Now all he had to do was-

 

“Kim Seungmin!”

 

“Ahhh!” Seungmin nearly jumped out of his skin.

 

The guys at the table snickered.

 

Seungmin searched their faces, wondering which one called him.

 

Sitting at the head of the table, his posture as rigid as a mafia boss, was Bang Chan. A third year. It had been his voice that had scared the shit out of Seungmin. Chan narrowed his eyes and smacked on his gum. He looked pissed. Maybe he had seen what Seungmin had done. Chan slammed his fist on the table, making Seungmin jump. There was a deep quiet. Seungmin’s throat was so dry he couldn’t even swallow. Then the tense moment evaporated when Chan broke into a grin and laughed like a maniac. He pointed. “You should see your face, man!”

 

The other boys at the table joined in his laughter.

 

“Very funny,” Seungmin groaned. He couldn’t help but feel relieved. It wasn’t the worst prank Chan had pulled on him in recent weeks. At least there hadn’t been any glue involved. Seungmin almost laughed it off, but… what was this other sensation? It was quickly crawling to the front of his consciousness like an ocean wave charging up towards the shore. Seungmin looked down only to wish he hadn’t. Hyunjin was staring up at him and making direct eye contact with him was like being pushed off the roof of a building and falling and falling and falling and going _splat_ on the concrete below. Then Seungmin realized why Hyunjin was glaring at him. When Chan had spooked him, Seungmin had dug his fingernails straight into Hyunjin’s shoulder and he was still gripping him like that. Seungmin hurriedly let him go. Only to touch him again to wipe off his shoulder. “Sorry.” Did he get the noodle? He wiped Hyunjin’s shoulder again. “Sorry.” He couldn’t be sure if he got it. The noodle didn’t seem to be on Hyunjin’s shoulder anymore but he also couldn’t find it on the floor behind Hyunjin’s chair.

 

“Get lost, dipstick,” Hyunjin growled out.

 

Seungmin didn’t need to be told twice. He nearly tripped over himself to turn tail and run, the boys laughing at his back as he went. Seungmin practically flung himself back into his chair, his heart racing and his hands shaking with fright. Did he even still have hands? He couldn’t feel them. They were so numb.

 

“Did you get it?” Felix whispered.

 

Seungmin looked past Felix at Hyunjin’s shoulder. His shirt was rumpled, even more so now than before, but at least the noodle was gone. Seungmin nodded.

 

Felix let out a deep sigh of relief as if _he_ had been the one to brave enemy territory for such a dangerous mission.

 

Seungmin took a careful sip of his strawberry milk, hoping beyond hope nothing else ridiculous would happen because, now that he thought about it, milk coming out of his nose burned a little. Almost as bad as the water at the pool getting up his nose when he went swimming.

 

“Hey, Seungmin,” came another shout.

 

Felix preemptively slid back in his chair but there was no explosion of strawberry milk. Just a groan and a pair of rolled eyes.

 

Kim Woojin walked up to their lunch table. There was not a strand of hair out of place on his head or a single crease in his uniform collar. He looked more like a politician than a senior. Woojin pushed his thick-rimmed glasses up his nose. “Mom has a work event tonight so she wants you to cook dinner.”

 

Seungmin groaned again. Louder.

 

Woojin was not deterred. He pointed a long, skinny finger accusingly. “And dinner doesn’t mean three microwave meals on the table like Monday night. Look at me, Seungmin. I’m serious.” Ugh. Why was he so embarrassing? Why were older brothers like this? Seungmin glared up at him, telepathically sending the message _stop nagging stop nagging stop nagging_ but maybe that only worked with twins because Woojin kept talking. “I have a tennis match right after school so you’re going to be home alone most of the afternoon. That means don’t leave the stove on or you’ll burn the house down. That means wash the dishes after you’re done. Don’t leave them all across the counter.”

 

Why was he doing this? Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut and sat really still. Maybe if he didn’t move, Woojin wouldn’t be able to see him.

 

It didn’t work. Woojin continued. “That also means no sneaking off to the beach and then rushing home to cook everything at the last second like you always do. Just go straight home and cook dinner first. You can go to the beach after. Do I need to explain how to use the pressure cooker again?”

 

Seungmin wanted to die. Why! Today of all days. With Felix sitting _right there_. Seungmin cracked open one eye and stared across the table at Felix who, to his credit, was pretending that his lunch was the most fascinating thing on the planet. “I can handle it, Woojin,” Seungmin said. He opened his other eye and looked up at his brother. “I know how to cook. I’m not dumb.”

 

“You sure,” Woojin snapped. “Because you could have fooled me with your grades.”

 

Ouch.

 

“And I heard you had to stand out in the hall again this morning.”

 

How the hell did he find that out? Quickly, Seungmin spoke up. The faster he agreed, the faster his brother would leave. Or at least he hoped. “I’ll cook dinner. Sheesh. That’s all you had to say in the first place.”

 

Woojin flicked him on the forehead with his finger. “Love you.”

 

Ugh. Noooo. Anything but that.

 

“Love you,” Woojin repeated.

 

Seungmin covered his mouth with his hands and mumbled something that could have been ‘love you, too’ or ‘fuck you, dude’ depending on how closely you were listening.

 

Woojin wasn’t listening closely. “Dinner. Don’t forget!” But at least he was walking away.

 

Seungmin was mortified. He didn’t relax until Woojin had stepped through the double doors and exited the cafeteria. Why did Woojin have to come all the way over here just to say all that? Was he psychic? Was that how he knew that his little brother was trying to mack on a dude so it was his duty as the older brother to ruin everything by being annoying and wretched and stupid and nitpicky?

 

“You’re going to the beach today,” Felix asked. His whole face lit up. Apparently, things weren’t half as awkward for him as they had been for Seungmin.

 

His smile was so beautiful, though. Seungmin couldn’t look at him. Well, he _could_ , but… “You heard him. After I cook dinner.”

 

“Wanna meet me there?”

 

“At the beach?”

 

Felix nodded. His smile widened.

 

It was like the gates of heaven had opened. Seungmin felt giddy. His chest got all fluttery. Was Felix… asking him out... on a date? “Yeah,” Seungmin said before he could think about it.

 

Felix said something else. Seungmin should have been listening, he really should have, but he had just made eye contact with Hyunjin over Felix’s shoulder and he had nearly lost control of his bowels as a result. Hyunjin’s face was as unreadable as stone. His glare was ice cold. Seungmin thought his heart would stop but then, finally, Hyunjin looked away. Seungmin let go of the breath he’d been holding only to get nervous again when he realized Felix had been chattering away excitedly this whole time and he hadn’t been listening.

 

Seungmin was about to ask him to start over but then the bell signaling the end of lunch sounded.

 

“See ya at the beach around 5. That’ll give you enough time, right?” Felix asked, already standing up with his lunch tray.

 

Dazed, Seungmin just nodded and watched Felix leave, taking that brilliant and shining grin with him and leaving Seungmin alone in the dark.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

When school ended for the day, Jisung went to their usual meeting spot and caught up with Seungmin in the dappled shade of the big, gnarly olive tree that grew in the front courtyard.

 

“Oh, dude, check this out,” Seungmin chirped as he watched Jisung approach. “Look at this artwork!” He held up his romance manga to show off a gorgeous full-page spread of the heroine swooning in the arms of the popular guy as he pulled her close and looked her in the eye. “Do you see all of the little details on her dress? There has to be like a million ruffles.”

 

Jisung was not impressed. He popped open the can of soda in his hand and took a sip.

 

Seungmin was too caught up in his good mood to be affected by Jisung’s indifference. “I’ve been waiting for this moment since the first chapter. She finally gave the right dude a chance. I can’t believe volume one ends like this. We don’t even know if he kisses her!”  

 

Jisung derailed the conversation with a subject change. “So did you give Felix the letter?”

 

Seungmin expertly dodged the question. “Why did you tell him that I wanted to talk to him?”

 

“Because you wouldn’t have talked to him at all if I didn’t and you know it.”

 

“True,” Seungmin admitted. He shut the manga and held it to his chest like it was something precious. He wanted to pull Felix into a hug. What would that feel like? Like hugging a gigantic muffin, he was sure.

 

“Did you talk to him?” Jisung pressed. “Did you give him the damn note?”

 

Seungmin frowned. _Did_ he? Lunch had been so weird. So much out of the ordinary had happened. He patted his front pocket. It was empty. The note wasn’t there. He almost got worried but then he figured he must have handed Felix the note and then just blacked out and forgot. “Felix asked me out.”

 

Jisung dropped his can of soda.

 

It hit the ground with a clang and dark, fizzy liquid spilled out of it across the dirt.

 

“Shit,” Jisung cussed, stooping down to pick up the can before all of it emptied out into the grass. He gave the lid a swipe with his thumb and took another sip. A little foamy but still good. He stood up. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you right. Did you just say Felix asked you out?”

 

Seungmin nodded. “He must have taken the letter from me and read it. That explains why he invited me to the beach this afternoon.” He found himself grinning as he remembered Felix’s smile and his effervescent chatter. He had been so _happy_.

 

Jisung stared at him long and hard. “You don’t seem to be lying.”

 

“Did you just question my integrity? I feel so attacked right now.” They started walking. The two of them crossed the courtyard, waved goodbye to a handful of their classmates and then passed through the school gates, hooking a left at the crosswalk to head for home.

 

The numerous anime keychains dangling off of every zipper of Jisung’s backpack made a horrendous amount of noise as he walked. “I’m going with you,” Jisung decided after a block or two.

 

“Won’t that be weird,” Seungmin questioned. “Won’t that be really awkward?”

 

“It’s the beach,” Jisung said. “Half the school will probably be there on a nice day like this. Besides, I need to catch you in your lie.”

 

“I’m not lying. He really did ask me to meet up with him at 5 this afternoon. He even knows I have to cook dinner. You can ask my brother!”

 

Jisung narrowed his eyes and took another sip of his soda. “Well, I’m still going. I want to see you get stood up. I should bring ice cream. Then I can watch your life implode in true comfort.”

 

“Why don’t you believe me?” Seungmin whined, poking his bottom lip out in a pout. Sure, he made up ridiculous stories as a hobby but he was definitely telling the truth this one time! Why couldn’t Jisung see that? “He read my letter for sure and now he wants to spend time with me. And, no, before you ask, I was wide awake and completely alert. This really happened. In real life. It wasn’t a daydream.”

 

“Alright, then,” said Jisung. “I believe you.”

 

The drawbridge was down so they walked across it, the metalwork spanning the mouth of the inlet. It was also the perfect place to watch big yachts go by in the afternoon. Off in the distance, Seungmin could see the palm trees and a stripe of the white sand beach. A little farther down, he could make out the big pier reaching out across the waves. He muttered, “Why do you keep thinking I’m lying?”

 

Jisung took a moment to think about it. “I guess I expected you to be screaming and running around like a chicken with its head cut off. But you’re… so calm.”

 

Seungmin ran a hand through his hair. Now that he took a moment, he hadn’t really thought about Felix at all since lunch. His afternoon daydreams had been more about flying pirate ships and wizards who lived at the top of crooked, soot-covered towers and talking cats who owned bars and served mixed drinks. Then again, his daydreams had probably been so out of the ordinary today because he had been subconsciously trying to distract himself from an actual dream coming true. Lee Felix, a living and breathing angel, had asked him out on a date! “Maybe it just hasn’t hit me yet,” Seungmin said.

 

“Or maybe you know better than to get your hopes up before he shows you up,” Jisung said without remorse.

 

Ouch. It was hard to ignore the sting. Seungmin whined in distress. “Why are you doing this to me?”

 

“Because it’s fun. But despite all of that, I actually don’t want to see you get played.”

 

Seungmin didn’t want to think about that possibility. Felix couldn’t be that nasty of a guy, could he? He wouldn’t invite someone out just to not show up. Right? That didn’t seem like a very Felix thing to do. “Oh yeah,” Seungmin said, attempting to change the subject, “let’s stop by the bookstore. They still have that buy two get one special going and I want to stock up on more volumes of this manga.”

 

This was something Jisung believed without hesitation. “I was waiting for you to say that.”


	2. In Which Ice Cream Tastes Better With Sea Salt And Crushes Look Better Soaking Wet

“If you can believe,

You’re such a dream to me.”

 

R.E.M by Ariana Grande

 

Seungmin could actually cook. He just had to be willing to use more than two of his brain cells at a time in order to do it.

 

As soon as he got home, he washed his hands and then got started in the kitchen. If he made something simple, his brother would throw a fit about him rushing or whatever but Seungmin also wanted something he could easily take to the beach and share with Felix. A picnic. Wouldn’t that be cute as fuck for a first date? Seungmin swung open the fridge and assessed its contents. Hmmm. No beef this week. And only a quarter dozen eggs left. He had wanted to experiment with the scallops but Mom must have boiled them all and taken them to her work event that morning while the brothers were at school. Bummer. Seungmin rummaged through the other shelves in the fridge. Spring onions. Zucchini. Tofu. Carrots. Mushrooms. He could make a light soup. There were some chicken breasts but he had already planned to use those in a pasta dish to cover the weekend.

 

He pulled the ingredients out of the fridge, got out his peppers and spices and started to line everything he needed in neat rows on a large wooden cutting board. The soup would need time to simmer but the rice would be done in no time. There needed to be something else. There wasn’t any meat but he wanted something crispy and filling. Hadn’t there been a bag of potatoes in the pantry? He double-checked to make sure.

 

“Potato croquettes it is,” Seungmin decided.

 

But first, the soup.

 

He grabbed the two zucchini off of the cutting board, washed them in the sink and hacked off the stems. He cut them in half lengthwise and then sliced them diagonally. He did the same with the carrots and mushrooms and onions, humming to himself as he worked the knife over the vegetables with skillful hands. Not all of it would go into the soup, he decided. He’d saute a few of them and serve them on the side with slices of cooked-down orange pepper. The tofu took a bit more effort to cut and handle. His mom had made it fresh earlier that week so it needed a bit more care than something store-bought. When the tofu was in cubes, he got the bag of short-grain rice out of the pantry and started measuring it out to put in the rice cooker.

 

His phone rang.

 

He knew from the ringtone that it was his brother’s girlfriend. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, placed it on the kitchen counter and put the device on speaker. “Hey, Jihyo. I know Woojin made you call me.” He measured out water from the tap and then added it to the rice. He topped it with butter and salt and started up the cooker.

 

“Just checking up on you,” she replied. She was somewhere noisy. Probably at Woojin’s tennis match.

 

“I’m cooking dinner,” Seungmin beat her to the question he knew she was going to ask. He swung open the cabinet under the sink and grabbed his favorite pot, then made sure he dropped it on the gas stove with enough force that Jihyo would hear the clatter. He turned the burner up high to get the pot hot. “I’m in the kitchen right now.”

 

“He wanted me to make sure,” said Jihyo. “Remember the last time you convinced him you were in the kitchen with all of that noise but you were really at the sushi restaurant with Jisung?”

 

Seungmin couldn’t help but laugh. “Classic.” He found the chicken broth in the fridge and poured it into the pot.

 

Jihyo waited a beat. “Are you at the sushi restaurant?”

 

“No. I’m at home. I can send you a picture.”

 

“I believe you.”

 

“Are you coming over tonight? I’ll make plenty.”

 

“Thanks, but not tonight. Too much studying to do.”

 

“Study? People do that?” Seungmin had to ask. He wasn’t familiar with such a foreign concept.

 

Jihyo giggled at him.

 

Seungmin started loading up the pot with the slices of vegetables and mushrooms. Then he scooped in the tofu. He wanted to keep the broth to vegetable ratio highly in favor of the broth so that the soup wouldn’t be too thick and heavy. The croquettes were supposed to be the hearty, main dish so everything else needed to be light. “How’s he doing,” Seungmin wondered, talking about his brother.

 

Jihyo expertly picked up the subject change. “He beat his first opponent.”

 

“Already?” Seungmin checked the time. The tournament shouldn’t have started but twenty or so minutes ago.

 

“It was very one-sided,” Jihyo explained with a laugh. “The other guy didn’t score but once.”

 

“Ahhh,” Seungmin said. He had forgotten that his brother was talented. It was a fact that was easy to forget when he was always being so annoying and snobbish. Seungmin threw open the window above the sink to let the breeze in. He got out a stockpot from the cabinet and set it on a different burner. He turned the heat up high and started filling the pot with vegetable oil so that he could fry the croquettes. He remembered something. “Oh yeah. I fixed the clasp on your necklace.”

 

“Really?” Jihyo asked. “I had been meaning to bring it up but didn’t want to rush you.”

 

“It’s my fault. I kept putting it off. I had time to do it last night since I was up and super focused. I should have given it to Woojin this morning so he could give it to you today.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll stop by for it before the weekend. Thanks, Seungmin.”

 

“Pssh,” Seungmin waved away the gratitude and then went to the pantry to dig out the potatoes. At least croquettes were quick. Once he had them peeled and chopped and boiled, the hardest part would be mashing them together with some salt, pepper and butter. The hot oil did the rest.

 

Jihyo said, “Alright, you’re doing what you’re supposed to do. I’ll let you go.”

 

“Text me if he wins a trophy,” Seungmin called out from across the kitchen.

 

“Ask him if he got one yourself when he gets home,” she told him. “You know he wants you to be proud of him.”

 

“I am.”

 

“You know he wants you to _say_ that you’re proud of him,” Jihyo emphasized. And then she hung up.

 

“I guess,” Seungmin said, knowing that she was no longer on the line. It was just so weird being proud of Woojin for his stellar tennis game when he was also pretty spectacular in almost every other aspect of his life. He was at the top of the list academically and dated someone as popular at school as Jihyo. Woojin just seemed to be good at everything he did if his collection of trophies across the fireplace mantle were any indication. Tennis, track and field, debate competitions… Woojin could go anywhere and try anything and land a number one spot in no time. He clearly got all of the good genes.

 

‘Just look out for him, dear,’ Seungmin remembered his mother always saying. ‘Bright stars burn out the fastest.’

 

“They also cast the longest, deepest shadows,” Seungmin muttered to himself.

 

He wasn’t sure if he had accomplished anything in comparison to his brother. His grades were below-average. He got kicked off the volleyball team for his poor performance on the court. All he was good at was writing poetry… but was he even _good_ at it? Or did he just do it a lot?

 

Seungmin checked the time again. The minutes were slipping by him fast. It felt like he had just started on dinner but there was already less than an hour until 5 o’clock and he still had to batter and fry the croquettes and change out of his school uniform and into something a little more date-worthy.

 

Shaking away his cloudy thoughts, he got back to work.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

He arrived at the beach shortly after five.

 

Their city, though nestled along the coast, only had one real ‘beach.’ Way up north were all the crags and caves and cliffs. Down south was the marina with its wooden piers, yachts and fishing boats and then, past that, all of the canning warehouses and cement dry docks. The white sand beach was tucked away along the northern part of the shore and, this early in the season, it was predominantly populated by locals.

 

The beach wasn’t as crowded as Seungmin feared. Thank God it was Wednesday. The sky was a sharp blue, the sun was still high and bright and there were only a few scattered clouds close to the horizon.

 

A perfect afternoon.

 

Seungmin’s favorite spot out here was the big flat rock that laid in the shade of the lifeguard hut so that is where he chose to sit as he waited for Felix. He wore a white linen shirt that was almost too big for his frame and a pair of brown shorts and simple canvas shoes. He sat his wicker picnic basket on the rock next to him. Inside of it were napkins, a handful of still-hot croquettes, two mugs and a thermos of fresh matcha tea.

 

He let his mind wander. Felix came to mind immediately. The boy seemed to coalesce out of the white haziness of the late spring air. ‘I’ve been waiting for you,’ Dream-Felix said.

 

‘I’ve been waiting for you, too,’ Dream-Seungmin replied.

 

Dream-Felix sat down next to him and grabbed Seungmin’s hands. They looked each other in the eye. ‘I read your note. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.’

 

‘ _You’re_ the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on,’ said Dream-Seungmin.

 

Dream-Felix leaned in close, smelling like sunshine and clouds. He pressed his cool mouth to Seungmin’s warm cheek and--

 

“Ahhh!” Seungmin barely had time to cover his face with his arms as a seagull swooped down over his head. “Shoo! Get outta here, mongrel.” He tried to swat the thing away from him but it just circled back around in the air and swooped in his direction a second time. “Leave me alone, you piece of shit!”

 

The seagull squawked indignantly and then, without a care in the world, landed on the rock next to Seungmin with a flutter of wings.

 

“Shoo!” Seungmin waved his hands at the thing.

 

The bird paid him no mind. It poked its head into the small bag of potato chips someone else had left behind on the rock and, satisfied with its contents, grabbed the whole thing and took off into the air.

 

Seungmin groaned but figured he had gotten out of that whole thing unscathed. At least he didn’t get shit on. That had definitely happened to him before.

 

For a while, he tried to conjure Dream-Felix again but he just couldn’t concentrate. The first time he tried, all he could get was a gigantic seagull with a red wig on. The second time, he got Dream-Felix to look right but every time he opened his mouth, only bird noises came out.

 

“I’ve been traumatized,” Seungmin huffed. He gave up on daydreaming and went back to looking around. The _real_ Felix had to be around here somewhere!

 

Off to his right was a group of girls walking along the sand, their shoes in their hands and their feet in the waves. They talked and chatted and laughed, still in their school uniforms. Walking in the opposite direction was a woman struggling to keep her three kids together as they played in the sand and dug up seashells.

 

Out in the ocean were numerous surfers shouting to each other and coasting over the tops of waves on their boards.

 

“Where are you, Felix?” Seungmin asked, looking around. When the boy had asked him to meet at the beach, he actually didn’t specify _where_. Did Felix mean the northern end with the lighthouse and the volleyball courts or did he mean the southern end with all of the restaurants and outdoor seating space?

 

A gust of wind hit, sending Seungmin’s hair every which way.

 

He tried one more time to get Dream-Felix to appear but his stomach growling stopped him from trying too hard.

 

“Oyyyyyyyy!” A voice hollered over the wind. The noise almost blended in with the squawking of the flock of seagulls.

 

Seungmin didn’t pay the noise much mind. He was still looking across the beach for Felix’s dyed red hair. Hell, he’d even settle for Jisung at this point. Wasn’t he supposed to be here, too? Ugh. Jisung was right. He was about to get stood up. Seungmin opened the lid of his picnic basket and grabbed a croquette. He blew on it and then bit into it. Okay now _that_ was good. The perfect blend of salty crunch and buttery smoothness. He took another bite.

 

“Oyyy, Seungmin! You’re here!”

 

Seungmin tried to follow the sound of the voice. The girls walking through the water were too far away for it to be one of them. The old married couple sitting on lounge chairs beneath an umbrella to his left weren’t paying him any attention.

 

“Seungmin!”

 

Finally, Seungmin spotted the source of the voice. One of the surfers was thrashing through the waves towards the sand, their surfboard tucked under one arm and frantically waving with the other. It seemed like they were making a beeline directly for him but… who was it? Seungmin squinted to get a better look against the glare of the afternoon sun off of the water but he still didn’t recognize the dude until he had gotten completely out of the water.

 

“Felix!” Seungmin shrieked. The real one!

 

Felix grinned. The whites of his teeth were visible even from a distance. “You made it,” he breathily exhaled. He jammed his surfboard into the sand and then flopped onto the rock next to Seungmin. He looked completely different when his hair was wet and plastered to the sides of his head. Seungmin also didn’t expect him to have such a sleekly carved body. What the school uniform mostly hid, Felix’s wetsuit put on full display.

 

Seungmin forced himself to look away. “Sorry I’m late.”

 

“It’s cool, man,” Felix said. Salt water was still rolling off of his hair and his chin and his shoulders and he slid a painful distance away to avoid getting Seungmin’s nice clothes damp. “We didn’t intend to stay in the water this long but the waves were too good. Hope you weren’t waiting forever.”

 

“We?” Seungmin repeated, glancing over at his soaking wet crush. They made eye contact.

 

Felix ran a hand through his stringy hair. “Yeah,” he said, not picking up on Seungmin’s distress. “The whole gang’s here.”

 

Seungmin swallowed hard to get his croquette down before he choked on it and followed Felix’s pointed finger with his eyes.

 

Charging up the sand in their direction were two other surfers. Seo Changbin, Seungmin realized, and pretty boy Lee Minho. The two of them shoved their surfboards into the sand next to Felix’s and clambered up onto the rock to ruin everything. Ugh! Minho called out a “Hey, man” and then squeezed himself between Felix and Seungmin, getting Seungmin’s left sleeve sufficiently soaked and sandy. Seungmin bit his tongue to keep from cursing.

 

Changbin spotted the picnic basket. “Is that food?” He was already snatching off the lid. “It’s food!” Changbin grabbed a croquette and shoved it in his mouth.

 

“Hell yeah! I’m fucking starving, man.” Minho reached across Seungmin to yank the picnic basket out of Changbin’s hand, getting the rest of Seungmin’s outfit dripping wet. “Did you make these?” he asked, grabbing two croquettes before passing the basket to Felix.

 

Seungmin nodded somberly. “Yeah. I did.”

 

Felix piped up. “You didn’t have to make us anything.”

 

 _Us_ . The word hit Seungmin in the dead center of his chest. If he was in a video game, he would have lost a life. “I wanted to,” he squeaked out. “I had to make dinner anyway. These were what was left over.” In reality, he had made a batch specifically for dinner and then another batch specifically to share with _just_ Felix but that idea had flown out the window.

 

“These are good as hell,” Changbin exclaimed.

 

Felix bit into one and then hissed. “Whew! They are still piping hot.”

 

“What the hell are these? Chicken nuggets?” Minho had to know.

 

“Do you really think these taste like chicken?” Changbin asked.

 

Minho nodded, his mouth full.

 

Changbin raised an eyebrow. “These are potatoes.”

 

“What?” Minho cried out, genuinely surprised. “They taste like chicken.”

 

“No the hell they don’t,” Changbin fired back.

 

They argued back and forth.

 

Seungmin had to lean all the way around Minho just to get a glimpse of Felix. He was so far away. So so so far away. Seungmin asked, “What do you think? Are they good?”

 

“I think I burned the roof of my mouth on them,” Felix said honestly. He took a more timid bite of his croquette and chewed it but offered no further comments on the taste. He didn’t even look at Seungmin. He just kept staring out at the ocean with longing in his eyes as if all he wanted to do was get back out there and surf until the sun went down.

 

Seungmin’s heart sank. His whole mood soured. His shoulders sagged and he stared at the sand under his shoes dejectedly. On both sides of him, the surfers continued their conversation and rowdy horseplay. Minho and Changbin were play fighting now, screaming at each other. Changbin was having a very difficult time explaining that _‘_ there are more flavors in the world than chicken _’_ but Minho insisted that everything tasted the same. More like pretty _daft_ boy. Seungmin just sat there feeling like a clown. His crush hadn’t actually asked him out on a date, his cute outfit was covered in sand, and the surfers were now fighting over the last croquette and laughing and kicking at each other. Seungmin found himself tumbling down into his feelings. Had he misunderstood? He had gone _all day_ thinking this was supposed to be a one-on-one date between him and the boy of his dreams but apparently Felix hadn’t thought the afternoon was supposed to be anything close to that.

 

Where had Seungmin gone wrong?

 

Maybe at lunch, when he had accidentally stopped listening to Felix, the boy had said that he would be here with his friends. That he had wanted to come to the beach to actually get in the water, not to have a weird little picnic with a random dude from his class that he barely spoke to.

 

Seungmin racked his brain, trying to find out if he had missed any clues. Then again, all Felix had said was ‘wanna meet me there’ and, now that Seungmin had gotten his head out of the clouds, there wasn’t any part of that question that sounded like a romantic gesture.

 

He was such an idiot.

 

“Oyyyyyy,” Felix hollered, jumping to his feet.

 

The noise made Seungmin snap out of his thoughts.

 

Minho and Changbin echoed Felix’s war cry and, like a stampede of bulls, the three of them leaped off of the rock and ran across the sand to retrieve their surfboards. Seungmin watched them leave wide-eyed and partially startled. Felix looked over his shoulder and gave Seungmin a wave. A wave Seungmin barely got a chance to return before Felix spun back around and pried his board out of the sand. Then the three surfers were crashing back through the water and swimming out to catch more waves, leaving Seungmin with nothing but an empty picnic basket and a hollowed-out dark spot in his chest where his beating heart used to be.

 

Damn. They had even sucked all of the tea out of the thermos. He really had nothing left.

 

“You know,” came a voice that sounded like a thought, “I think this is the best case scenario.”

 

Seungmin stared at the picnic basket. For a split second, he thought the dirty napkins in the basket had spoken to him but that would be too weird even for him. “Jisung, is that you?”

 

“In the flesh.”

 

Seungmin looked around. “Where are you?”

 

“Up here.”

 

Seungmin looked up. Jisung was standing on the tiny deck of the lifeguard hut, leaning over the railing and staring down at Seungmin with a wide grin on his face. In his hand was an ice cream bar, chocolate and covered in candy bits, and he gave it a lick. “How long have you been standing there,” asked Seungmin.

 

“Since the seagull,” Jisung said. “Best seat in the house, to be honest. I wouldn’t miss this show for the world.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

“Well, you weren’t lying. I’ll give you that. Felix actually showed up. But since you technically didn’t ask him out and he most certainly didn’t _ask you out_ even though he asked you out, I guess I get to keep my right foot.”

 

“You weren’t really going to do it anyways.”

 

“I went digging in the shed and found grandpa’s hand saw.”

 

Seungmin stared at him.

 

“I did!” Jisung said. “I was so confident that I wouldn’t have to use it that I still got it all prepared.”

 

“Rub it in,” huffed Seungmin.

 

Jisung laughed. “I knew you couldn’t do it.”

 

“But he took the letter,” Seungmin insisted. “Maybe he still needs time to think about it. Maybe he just wanted to hang out with me before he gave me a yes or a no.”

 

“If that helps you sleep at night.”

 

“Get down from there. I want a bite.”

 

Jisung crossed the hut deck and descended the rickety wooden ramp out front. Seungmin joined him out on the sand and leaned over to take a nibble of the ice cream. At least the cold sweetness fought off the heat of the afternoon. “Honestly, what did you think was going to happen,” Jisung questioned.

 

“I don’t know,” whined Seungmin. “That he and I would confess to each other and hold hands and nuzzle cheeks and walk down the beach swinging our arms.”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“One hundred percent.”

 

Jisung licked his ice cream. “I think you roasted your brain sitting out under the sun. Let’s get you home.”

 

“Funny,” Seungmin said, but he grabbed his picnic basket and followed Jisung across the sand.

 

His friend had come to the beach in more appropriate attire, a black tank top and swim trunks. As a result, he walked so that his ankles got hit by the waves as they came crashing in. Seungmin peeled off his shoes and followed him into the spray.

 

“Do you think he’ll see me if I wave?” Seungmin asked hopefully. He gazed over his shoulder. The trio of surfers were just black shadows out on the waves. From this far away, Seungmin couldn’t even tell who was who. “Do you think he’s even watching me walk away?”

 

“Maybe I should drop you off at the hospital.”

 

“I’m fine, okay?” Seungmin said, kicking wet sand into the air. “I just really thought today was the day and now I have to wait some more.”

 

“Well, like you said, he took the note,” Jisung pointed out. “And since he’s not shunning you, I think he is at least favorably considering you. Although I don’t know why. You’re a fucking weirdo.”

 

“Did you just imply that I stand a chance with him?”

 

Jisung realized what had happened. His mouth formed a wide o-shape.

 

Seungmin pointed at him and squealed in glee. “I _knew_ you cared about me!”

 

“What the hell?” snapped Jisung. “I do not. I came all the way out here to watch you crash and burn.”

 

Karma was a bitch. Seungmin saw it coming before Jisung did and he manage to dash away just as a particularly big wave splashed onto the shore. It came up almost to Jisung’s hips and had come so suddenly that the boy lost his balance. He toppled over onto his knees. His ice cream bar went under the water and he hollered in surprise yet, when the wave receded, he was miraculously still clutching the ice cream by its wooden stick. Jisung got up on his feet. Seungmin looked at the ice cream and then at Jisung. He said, “Please don’t tell me you are going to do what I think you’re about to do.”

 

Jisung rolled his eyes, raised the ice cream to his mouth and took a big bite out of it. “Delicious,” he said as he chewed, even as he tried not to gag.


	3. In Which A Very Important Letter Is Correctly Delivered

“A thousand words are screaming,

I can’t communicate.

I’ve gotta beat this feeling,

My body won’t obey.”

 

Don’t Panic by Years & Years

 

“We meet again, my greatest opponent,” Seungmin announced in his deep Fantasy Hero voice. He unsheathed his sword--well, his ruler--and took up a fighting stance. “You bested me the last time I came here but, today, I shall overcome you. I _will_ pass you and I will save my prince!”

 

He was in a dungeon; a long and narrow cave lined with crystals whose glow cast an eerie green light on the stalagmite around him. In front of him stood a cyclops. It’s towering body nearly brushed against the roof of the cave and its single eye reflected the green light of the crystals. It was hideous. Drool oozed from its great tusks and it held a massive stone axe in one hand. It let out a challenging roar and then charged towards him, its footsteps so heavy that the ground shook.

 

“I know your tricks,” Seungmin said, bracing himself for the incoming attack. “You will not strike me down on this day.”

 

They fought valiantly. Sword met axe in great clashes of sound and sparks. Seungmin danced around the cyclop’s slow but powerful attacks and struck at the beast’s arms and legs whenever he spotted an opening. Yet his tiny little attacks merely whittled away at the monster’s health and every time it struck back and an attack connected, Seungmin felt the blow in his bones. It was a grueling battle. One that Seungmin started to fear that he might lose, but then-

 

“Now that my special bar is completely full, I will unleash my ultimate attack,” he said through gritted teeth. He held his sword above his head and the metal began to sing out with a dark, resonating hum. Confused by the low noise, the cyclops came to a stop, swatting at its ears with its meaty hand. The blade in Seungmin’s grip absorbed the green light of the crystals and then turned that energy bright yellow, like the sun. “This technique has been passed down to each generation of my family. It takes a decade to master this attack.” With enough energy charged up, he was ready to strike. “DIVINE RETRIBUTION!” He swung the sword with all of his might, nearly losing his grip on it, and a razor-sharp sickle of yellow energy erupted from the sword, flew through the air and collided with the cyclops. Its body was burned by the intense light and it immediately burst into purifying flames. The cyclops dropped the axe, sending debris flying. The monster out a scream that was at first filled with rage but then the harrowing sound turned into despair as it crumpled to the ground and stopped moving.

 

The words BOSS DEFEATED shimmered in the air in front of Seungmin. Not only did he get a rare weapon, he also leveled up! But… what was that? In the distance?

 

A barely perceptible shadow.

 

Seungmin peered into the darkness at the far end of the cave. There was something there. It moved along the wall of the cave hunched over and chattering to itself in a language Seungmin could not understand. The short creature was clearly doing something secretive and untowards! Seungmin had to defeat it. He readied his sword and moved closer to it. He saw its beady eyes and its pointed, crooked teeth. He spotted the multicolored jewels clutched in its bony claws. Seungmin gasped in fright. Despite the monster’s frail appearance, it was level 99! Nearly double Seungmin’s own level. Why was a creature so powerful in such a mid-tier area of this dungeon?

 

Seungmin had to handle this carefully. “Halt, you Snaggletooth Gremlin!” Seungmin shouted, already casting a defensive spell with his hand.

 

The gremlin paused in its sneaky movements and then turned its gleamy eyes on the great hero. When it caught sight of him, it let out a threatened yelp.

 

The dungeon began to fade away.

 

Seungmin’s golden paladin armor became the white shirt, red tie and gray on white plaid slacks of his school uniform. The long and narrow cave around him became the long and narrow hallway outside of Seungmin’s math class. The tall stalagmites turned into lockers. The green glowing crystals morphed into the windows along the wall, letting in Thursday morning sunlight.

 

At last, the Snaggletooth Gremlin molted out of its pockmarked flesh and tattered clothes and became a tiny little first-year, his prepubescent teeth being corralled into place by a mouth full of braces. His dark hair covered the majority of his face, even most of his eyes.

 

“What did you call me?” The Snaggletooth Gremlin asked in a squeaky, cracking voice. He was standing in front of someone’s locker and what had once been multicolored jewels in his hands were now a handful of crudely cut red paper. He had been shoving them into the slots of the locker.

 

Seungmin pointed his sword--no, his ruler--at the boy. “What are you doing?”

 

“I c-can ask you the s-same darn t-thing,” the kid nervously stuttered.

 

“Did you just say darn?”

 

The kid ignored him. “You’re the one standing in the hall making lightsaber noises by yourself.” He turned back to the locker and continued cramming the paper into the locker door slots.

 

“Lightsabers are for normies. I have a sword blessed by a priest!”

 

“What’s the heckin’ difference?”

 

“Did you just say _heckin’_?”

 

“Can you leave me alone?”

 

“Not until you tell me why the hell you’re sticking things in people’s lockers.”

 

The kid stared at Seungmin over his shoulder for a long second. “Go away, freak,” he hissed under his breath before turning back to his work.

 

Seungmin had been called far worse and far more creative things in his life so instead of going away, he stepped closer to get a better look at what the little dude was doing. Now that he was closer, he could see that the kid was holding paper hearts. There wasn’t anything particularly special about them. They were just cut out of red construction paper. With scissors, it seemed like. The edges were all lopsided and rough. Only a few of them even looked like cute hearts. It must have taken the boy hours to do it. Poor thing! Didn’t he have stencils? A cute hole puncher? He didn’t even draw cute faces on them or sprinkle glitter on the edges! Despite the primitive craftsmanship, there was still something fascinating about them. Like a rock collection or something. Seungmin just stood there staring as the kid slotted the hearts into the locker as if he were pushing coins into a vending machine. There were dozens of the hearts. Maybe even close to a hundred. The locker would be crammed full of them by the time he was finished.

 

Then it dawned on Seungmin. He gasped so sharply that he nearly choked. “You’re confessing to someone!”

 

“Shhh!” The kid hissed. His whole face turned red.

 

“Who is it?” Seungmin asked, nudging the guy with his elbow.

 

“I’m not flipping telling you.”

 

Seungmin clapped his hands together. “Oh the joys of young love!” He nearly squealed in excitement. Now that he had better context, the kid’s quest seemed all the more noble! Just like Seungmin, he had probably stayed up all night cutting out those hearts, fighting back exhaustion to be one step closer to his crush, every snip of his scissors filled with burning love! Seungmin was so moved. He jumped up and down excitedly. “Want me to help?”

 

“No.”

 

“Want me to stand watch?”

 

“No.”

 

“Did you write a letter?”

 

“No.”

 

What! This was a criminal offense. “You didn’t write a letter?”

 

The kid stopped moving. His posture went rigid with agitation.

 

“Or maybe you’ve already confessed and the hearts are a celebration?”

 

“No,” the kid said for the millionth time. “They don’t know.”

 

Seungmin asked a very important question. “If you didn’t write a letter, how will she know it’s from you?”

 

The kid whirled around to face Seungmin, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. It was obvious he hadn’t considered that. “That can’t-” he started, but a nervous hiccup brought his sentence to a jolting halt and he ran out of the confidence to try again.

 

“I can help you write a love letter,” Seungmin suggested, wanting to be super helpful. He stepped even closer, almost right into the boy’s face. “I’m the best at these things. I’ve written like… a thousand of them. I can give you plenty of tips. I can show you how to-”

 

“Leave me alone,” the kid snapped. He pushed Seungmin away from him, nearly dropping all of his red hearts in the process.

 

“It’ll be easy,” Seungmin tried to convince him. “If you don’t want to write it, I can do all of that. Just tell me the basic gist and I’ll turn it into a work of art.”

 

Such a plan didn’t seem to appeal to the boy because he was already turning around to leave. He was wobbly on his feet like he might be sick.

 

“Wait,” Seungmin called at his retreating back. “I’ll write you a love poem for her. Free of charge!” But the kid dumped his paper hearts into the trash can and ducked around the corner without looking back.

 

Bummer.

 

Seungmin would have loved to help the dude confess. He was practically an expert at putting his emotions into words! “You’ll regret it!” Seungmin shouted, although it was possible the kid was too far away to hear. “Your heart will be filled with shame for weeks and weeks if you don’t come back and finish what you started!” No response. Nothing but the quiet of the school while class was in session. “At least write your name on one of the hearts so she’ll know they are from you!” He waited. Still nothing.

 

Oh well. It had been worth a shot.

 

Seungmin walked back towards his math class. At least his own heart was free of shame now. He had confessed to Felix! And they had _hung out_! This was a phenomenal amount of progress to make and Seungmin’s heart fluttered just thinking about yesterday at the beach. Sure, things hadn’t gone exactly as he had wished, but he was far closer now than he had ever been before and that was something to be happy about! It was like that one scene in his new favorite manga where the popular dude in school had finally worked up the nerve to confess to the heroine after days of watching her and her childhood friend grow steadily closer. Seungmin sighed dreamily. There was just something about such a pure display of emotion that made him grin from ear to ear and wrap his arms around himself in a tight self-hug.

 

He wanted to hug Felix. He wanted Felix to hug him.

 

That reminded him. He needed to talk to Felix today. Not while Minho and Changbin were around or they would ruin everything again. He had to get Felix by himself and ask what he thought of the letter. Or would that be too forward? Would that cause too much pressure? He should just wait for Felix to approach him first. That would be the best option, right? This was a game of patience now and if Seungmin was good at anything, it was waiting.

 

Well, none of that mattered. He had proved Jisung wrong by confessing to his crush and that in and of itself was the greatest victory.

 

The classroom door slid open and his math teacher poked his head out into the hallway. He locked eyes with Seungmin. “You got so quiet out here that I needed to make sure you hadn’t run off.”

 

“Run off? I wouldn’t do such a thing,” Seungmin outright lied.

 

His teacher narrowed his eyes as if he could physically see the falsehood. “Back inside.”

 

“Okeydokey,” Seungmin sang out, in too good of a mood for even the punishment of having to go back to class affect him.

 

He practically skipped back to his desk.

 

His classmates seemed to be scribbling away at some kind of worksheet. There were word problems with absolutely no multiple choice options. How _revolting_! Okay, maybe Seungmin wasn’t in too good of a mood to be immune to math. His emotional high ruined, he flopped into his chair and groaned. His own worksheet stared blankly up at him from the jumble of papers and post-it notes on his desk. Because it nauseated him so much, he hit the worksheet with his ruler.

 

No wonder the teacher wanted him back at his desk when his twenty minutes out in the hall weren’t even up. He had to actually… get _graded_ on things! Wretched. School was such a sham.

 

He glanced around the room at his classmates. Everyone seemed to be taking things seriously. Felix, as usual, was working diligently. Was he… doing this assignment in _pen_? How brave!

 

Even Jisung had put away his phone.

 

A low score was probably inevitable, but Seungmin may as well attempt.

 

Where’d his pencil get to?

 

Seungmin raised the worksheet up off of his desk. Beneath it was his anime character-shaped eraser, the ‘notes’ he took during class, a plastic spoon from the cafeteria, and a solitary cheese cracker which he immediately grabbed and stuffed into his mouth. It had probably been a gift from Jisung while he’d been out in the hall. But where was his pencil? Before he got sent out into the hall, he remembered sliding it under one of his papers so it wouldn’t roll off of his desk while he was outside. He flipped through his notes. A few of the sheets were actual attempts to copy things off of the board but, let’s be honest, the majority of the pages were littered with itty bitty scraps of poems he didn’t want to forget.

 

Aha! He found his pencil. Blue and pink and Hello Kitty. He grabbed it but the motion caused something else on his desk to move. Something he hadn’t noticed before. Amid the clutter was a sphere of balled up paper. It wasn’t his. He could tell by the color of the lines.

 

Curious, he unballed the paper. He thought it was blank at first, someone else’s discarded trash, but then he gave it a second look and saw the words scribbled at the top of the page, a single sentence in such small handwriting that he nearly missed it:

 

 _Meet me on the rooftop at lunch_.

 

Seungmin slapped the paper onto his desk and slid his chair away from it as if the words had been a powerful curse on his family.

 

The sound of his chair scraping over the floor tiles attracted Felix’s attention. The redhead turned around in his chair and stared across the aisles in Seungmin’s direction.

 

Eye contact with him was like being swaddled in a really soft blanket. This feeling inside his chest… It was like a cage of butterflies had just been released into Seungmin’s ribcage. He felt so light. He felt so jumpy. He just wanted to get up and dance.

 

As subtle as he could so as not to attract the hawk-eyed teacher’s ire, he pointed at the wrinkled note on his desk and then pointed at Felix. I got your note, he was basically saying.

 

Felix pointed back, raising an eyebrow. _Did you read it_ , Seungmin interpreted.

 

Seungmin nodded. He gave a wave. _I can’t wait until lunch_.

 

The tiniest smirk danced across the corner of Felix’s lips. _Me too_. He wriggled two of his fingers.

 

Seungmin grinned and waved with more energy.

 

Felix hesitated. Then he waved back.

 

Seungmin waved again. His hand a blur of motion.

 

Felix gave a nervous laugh before returning his attention to his work.

 

Oh, he was just so cute! How could anyone be that attractive without having to try? Seungmin almost giggled but then remembered that he sounded like a dolphin when he did that. He couldn’t wait until lunch time. He was going to meet Felix on the roof! His crush was going to confess and then they were going to hold hands and make out and maybe Seungmin could rub on him and give him a few stat boosts. He couldn’t wait.

 

Their math teacher cleared his throat. He was standing in the aisle beside Seungmin who almost jumped in his chair because of his sudden proximity. The man just looked at him and then impatiently tapped his short, stubby finger on Seungmin’s blank assignment. Without a word, he walked away.

 

Seungmin exhaled deeply and then went back to his work.

 

Lunchtime suddenly felt forever away.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

With math class over, Seungmin gathered all of his papers and his notebook in his arms and practically bolted out of the classroom and up the hall. He didn’t even say anything to Jisung, who watched him leave the room like a bat out of hell.

 

“NO RUNNING,” the gym teacher patrolling the hall shouted.

 

Seungmin skidded to a halt and then proceeded at a hurried speedwalk.

 

Around him, classroom doors slid open and students filtered out into the hall, filling it with conversation and movement. Seungmin maneuvered the hallway, dodging shoulders and spinning away from head-on collisions. He was on a mission and he would not be stopped. If Seungmin was going to meet up on the rooftop with Felix in an hour and a half, he would have to make preparations. There were _procedures_ to these things. He couldn’t just go up there any ole’ kinda way! He couldn’t just approach things willy-nilly. There needed to be a plan. He made a mental list of things he would have to do over the course of second period. First and foremost, he had to get to the student store down on the first floor. Their cookies were usually good and a collection of them would make a nice thank-you-for-liking-that-I-like-you gift. If he had enough time, he would dress it up with some ribbon. Oh! He definitely needed to buy some lip balm. He couldn’t have his first kiss with Felix if he had chapped lips. He needed some fresh moisture. Something fruit flavored. Orange? Green apple? Strawberry? Maybe he’d get all three and layer them so his lips would taste like a fruit basket! He also couldn’t go wrong with chewing his way through an entire container of breath mints. He wanted his breath so cool and clean he’d freeze Felix’s tongue to the inside of his mouth.

 

_Thwak!_

 

The notebook and papers in Seungmin’s hands went flying to the floor, everything scattering in all directions.

 

Chan was standing in front of him, pointing and laughing. It had been him that had smacked everything out of Seungmin’s grip. “Dumbass,” Chan said with a menacing snarl and then he turned around and walked away like he hadn’t just made things difficult.

 

Ugh. Maybe Seungmin could be stopped.

 

With a sigh, he squatted low and spent precious moments rescuing his book and papers from underneath the feet of his passing schoolmates. By the time he had gathered everything and stood back up, he wasn’t sure he’d have the time to make it all the way to the student store before second period began.

 

“Seungmin,” someone called out from behind him.

 

Figuring it was more of Chan’s goon squad, Seungmin turned around, putting his arms behind his back and keeping a tight grip on his things.

 

But it was Minho. Felix’s friend. “Seungmin,” he called out, rushing up towards him. He looked mildly panicked.

 

“What’s wrong,” Seungmin asked him, taken aback by the guy’s urgency.

 

Minho put his hands on Seungmin’s shoulders and spent a few seconds wheezing, his inky black hair was damp with sweat and pressed to his forehead like he was feverish. He let out a series of croaks that Seungmin belatedly realized was supposed to be words.

 

Seungmin asked him, “What did you say?” Had something happened? Was he hurt in some way?

 

Minho gulped and then used a hand to prod across Seungmin’s shoulder and down his arm before grabbing him by the wrist and pulling on it. He had a ridiculous amount of strength and almost made Seungmin drop all of his papers and notes a second time.

 

Seungmin asked again, “What is it?”

 

“What did you do to me?” Minho howled dramatically. His eyes were so big and glassy that it looked like he might cry.

 

“Huh?”

 

Minho squeezed Seungmin’s wrist until he managed to get it from behind Seungmin’s back. His words spilled out of his mouth almost too fast to decipher. “What was in that food you made? You did something to me! Ever since yesterday, everything else I’ve eaten tastes like cardboard. I can’t eat anything else ever! I’m going to waste away to nothingness at this rate. I need you to cook for me again.”

 

“All of this over some potatoes?”

 

Clearly, Minho didn’t hear him. “I was ignorant,” he screeched. “My taste buds were closed to the ways of the world. I’ve been living in a bubble of prepackaged food. I thought everything tasted the same but… now I realize that things have _flavor_.”

 

“Are you saying you don’t have home-cooked meals?”

 

“What did you put in that food?”

 

“Seasoning,” Seungmin deadpanned.

 

Minho gasped like he’d never heard of that word before. “I need it. I need _more_ of it!” He shook Seungmin quite ungently.

 

“Umm…. Sure?” Seungmin said slowly. “I didn’t do anything special, though.”

 

“You _did_ ,” Minho insisted. “You’ve changed my life. Things I used to eat all of the time now taste like shit! SHIT, I tell you. What’s your secret? I need you to cook for me forever and ever.” He was getting loud and whiny. Heads were beginning to turn in their direction.

 

“Cook for you forever?” Seungmin repeated. “Are you asking me to-”

 

“Marry me,” Minho interrupted in a freakishly serious voice.

 

“I was definitely going to say ‘be your maid.’”

 

“Marry me,” Minho repeated. “Let’s get married. Move in with me. The kitchen is yours.”

 

“I don’t think my brother would approve.” Hell, he didn’t think _he_ would approve.

 

“If you cook my food, I’ll do anything. I’ll clean the crap out of the gutters. I’ll go out back and chop firewood. I’ll tend to the crops and milk all of the cows and break my back to raise our ten children. Just cook for me, _please_.”

 

What was he even talking about? Had he bumped his head? Drank too much saltwater? “Minho, please,” Seungmin mumbled. He knew the guy was just dicking around but now the two of them were attracting quite the audience. Almost everyone in the hallway was staring at them and pointing as they passed by.

 

Minho got down on one knee.

 

Noooo. No no no no! Seungmin rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. He really didn’t have time for this. He tried to pry his hand out of Minho’s grip but the boy held fast and fished something out of his pocket.

 

Minho said, “These are the keys to my house. You can come and go as you please.” He tried to press the ring of keys into Seungmin’s palm but Seungmin refused to accept them. “MARRY ME,” Minho screeched. “I’m begging you.”

 

“Fine,” Seungmin huffed. He was definitely agreeing to the ‘cook for me’ part of that proposition because living on a farm near the woods with ten children? No thanks. “I’ll make you something tonight and bring it tomorrow.”

 

“Thank you. You’re the love of my life.” Minho tried to kiss Seungmin’s hand but he snatched his knuckles back just in time. Minho stood up and darted off, whooping happily.

 

In the distance, Seungmin heard the gym teacher bellow, “NO RUNNING!”


	4. In Which Kim Seungmin Gets Asked A Very Big Question

“We’re getting close.”

 

Hot2Touch by Felix Jaehn, Alex Aiono

 

Lunchtime.

 

It was the moment of truth.

 

Seungmin stood at the bottom of the stairwell, staring up and up and up at the daunting task ahead of him like a mountain climber facing Mt. Everest. He had gone up and down these stairs a million times but they seemed totally different today. They seemed dangerous. More numerous. Unknowable. ...but that shouldn’t be his attitude about this. He steeled his nerves. He was going to meet Felix! This was everything that he ever wanted. A dream realized. He should be happy!

 

Ahhh, that was better. Now his pulse was racing for an entirely different reason. Gone was his fear; the dark feeling was replaced by an electric excitement.

 

His heart hammered away at his chest and made it hard to breathe but--really, truly--he _needed_ this feeling. It fueled him.

 

He was meeting Felix on the rooftop. He was meeting _Felix_ on the rooftop! The thought repeated in his head, lit a fire under his ass, and got him started up the stairs. He passed by the second floor landing and kept going up. Slowly, at first, but then more and more rapidly until he was running up them, until he was taking two steps at a time. Three. His long legs carrying him. He was flying. Faster and faster. The world going past him in a blur. He could already imagine Felix standing on the roof, wind in his hair, sun on his skin. Oh, he was so beautiful!

 

He passed the third floor landing.

 

Up and up he went. Pushing himself. The faster he got there, the better. ‘I read your note,’ the Dream-Felix in his head said. ‘And I should have told you this at the beach but I like you.’ And then he would get all shy and his nose would crinkle up as he tried not to smile.

 

Yes yes yes! Seungmin found himself grinning from ear to ear. He was meeting Felix on the rooftop!

 

It became a song in his head, keeping pace with the thumping of his feet on the stairs. The song filled him until he had to sing it out loud. “We’re meeting on the rooftop, we’re meeting on the rooftop!” Students coming down the stairs saw him coming barreling towards them like an out of control truck. They startled and ducked out of his way. He nearly knocked a scrawny boy over in his haste. Now Seungmin’s fear was completely gone, replaced by nothing but pure joy. Who needed to be afraid? He zoomed by the fourth floor landing and now there was only one set of stairs in front of him before he got to the door to the roof.

 

We’re meeting on the rooftop. We’re meeting on the rooftop.

 

The song grew louder and louder in his head. It exploded out of him. “WE’RE MEETING ON THE ROOFTOP!” He charged through the door to the roof, greeted by a blast of hot air and beaming midday sunshine. He _had_ to dance.

 

“Meeting on the rooftop, we’re meeting on the rooftop,” Seungmin sang out. He spun around and did a little kick. Then he wriggled his arms like they were made of jello. He didn’t know what kind of dance to do so he just combined them all. “Oh yeah, put your back into it. Uh, uh!” His body seemed to move outside of his control, his limbs undulating around him to the beat in his head. Wow, how out of shape was he? He was getting tired already. His lungs ached but he kept going. This was the moment he had been waiting for, after all. It demanded that he celebrate. “Rooftop, rooftop, yeah, yeah~” The tempo of the song in his head increased, becoming something manic. His dance moves sped up to follow suit. His spine turning his torso around fluidly.

 

The rooftop seemed empty now but that was fine. He was probably ridiculously early but whatever. That didn’t matter. The song in his heart was taking over. “Get low, get low, get low.” He put his hands on his knees and dropped his hips low. Ahhh! Now he was _really_ feeling it. “Work, bitch,” he rallied. “Show ‘em what you got!” The empty roof became his runway and his dance moves turned into a catwalk. He gave his imaginary audience a little bit of this and a whole lot of that. “FUCK IT UP!”

 

Tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-BOW~

Tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-bitty-boom-BOW~

 

By then, he had crossed the entirety of the roof. Still no sign of Felix. How long had it been? One minute? Five? He should be up here by now.

 

Seungmin had to admit that he was losing steam. The tempo of the song slowed and slowed. His breathing got heavier and heavier. “Meeting on the rooftop!” He called out with the last of his breath.

 

Someone nearby cleared their throat.

 

He had thought he was alone but had Felx been up here the whole time? Tucked away in what little shade there was up here? With hope filling him to the brim, Seungmin spun in the direction of the noise.

 

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! SHIT!

 

His breath got caught in his lungs.

 

Hwang Hyunjin was leaning against the big, tall fence at the edge of the roof. A cigarette dangled from his lips and he glared across the roof at Seungmin like the boy had sprouted eight legs.

 

Seungmin halted his dancing immediately and turned his back to Hyunjin. Maybe if he stood really still, Hyunjin wouldn’t bug him? Maybe if he pretended that he hadn’t just been in the middle of a one-man dance party, Hyunjin wouldn’t laugh at him. Seungmin swallowed hard and stared out over the edge of the roof, propping a hand on the fence as casually as he could manage given the situation.

 

Hey. Wow. The view from up here actually wasn’t all too bad.

 

Over there was the baseball diamond and, a little farther away, the tennis courts.

 

He had never actually been on the roof before so he was genuinely amazed that he could see over the line of trees that surrounded the campus to the neighborhood beyond. Colorful roofs were lined up in neat rows and he could catch the tiniest twinkle of the ocean on the horizon. It was still far, he knew. The ocean was a good fifteen or twenty minute walk from here but being able to _see_ it made him feel a little wobbly inside. Like the ocean was in his stomach, rolling back and forth, the water splashing all the way up to his head.

 

Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut because of a sudden wave of dizziness.

 

“Hey,” Hyunjin’s gruff voice came from behind him.

 

Seungmin glanced over his shoulder and nearly choked when he realized Hyunjin was walking straight towards him. It was like being caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

 

Shit! Shit shit shit shit! “Sorry,” Seungmin shouted, turning back around to face the view. “Didn’t mean to make so much noise. I won’t bother you again.” He peered to his left. The rooftop entrance was impossibly far. It may as well have been as far away as the ocean. Seungmin took a step but his legs turned to jelly. He gripped the fence like a lifeline. Why couldn’t he _move_?

 

Hyunjin sounded like he had gotten even closer. “Look, we need to have a chat.”

 

Seungmin turned around. Hyunjin was standing right behind him! SHIT! Seungmin was tall but Hyunjin was _taller_ and, this close up on him, it was easy to see all of his cuts and scrapes from his constant fights at school. Hyunjin stared down at Seungmin, his eyes narrow and cold. Like weapons. A dozen knives piercing Seungmin’s lungs and letting out all of his air.

 

Seungmin choked.

 

Every muscle in his body went tight with fear. Hyunjin’s face went blurry around the edges as he got even closer. He said something but his voice was muffled like he was speaking from the other side of a glass window. Seungmin decided to make a run for it but as soon as he turned around to escape, his body got excessively heavy, his limbs stopped obeying him, and he went down like a sinking ship.

 

Now that he thought back on it, he had only seen about two ships sink in his entire life. Once had been when he was a child. A big yacht had gotten caught on a rock during low tide and the vessel took nearly three hours to go under. It felt like the whole town had gathered on the pier to watch it sink. Some people brought funnel cake and popcorn. Others took video. It didn’t help that the yacht belonged to a snobbish family who had moved here from the big city and had rubbed everyone in town the wrong way in the process. The sinking yacht was like karma and the festival-like atmosphere at the pier was the whole town rejoicing in the rich family being knocked down a peg or two. The group of people on the yacht had tumbled out in numerous lifeboats, making multiple trips to and from the shore to save their valuables. No one from town offered to help. The coast guards had brought out their boats to help with rescue efforts and to keep other passing ships from getting too close to the wreckage or the rocks. The salvage ship from down south had trudged out into the water with all of its hooks and cranes and ropes.

 

The whole thing had been a spectacle and was the talk of the town for a week straight.

 

The second time he saw a sinking ship was about two years ago, right before Seungmin started high school. This time it was a big ole crabbing vessel that had gotten swept way out here by a storm, out of fuel and with damaged electronics. Ironically, the ship had run aground on the island with the lighthouse on it. This wasn’t what caused the ship to sink. The hull had been minimally damaged so the tugboats from the harbor a town over had to be called in and they attempted to dislodge the ship by pulling it off the island only for the storm to follow them in. With winds picking up and the ocean getting rough and the sky darkening with twilight, the job became harder and harder to do. The high waves made the boat spear herself on the rocks and then she spent half the night tilting precariously and taking on water until the tugboats managed to pull her away. It had been too late, though. By the time the boat had been freed from the rocks of the island, she was half-sunk and useless. That time hadn’t been as big of a town spectacle. The storm kept almost everyone inside and Seungmin had only found out all of the details on the news the next day.

 

Honestly, only two sunk ships in seventeen years seemed pretty low for a town by the sea. Or maybe there had been multiple other boats and he’d never found out about them.

 

Seungmin came to the realization that he had never actually been on a boat despite living by the ocean and being surrounded by them his whole life. Now that he thought about it, there were a million things he hadn’t done. He’d never won a poetry contest despite how many he’d entered. He’d never gotten back in touch with his summer camp friends even though they had all promised that they would when summer ended. He’d never been kissed on New Years. He’d never taken a date to the fair and kissed at the top of the Ferris wheel. Oh, and he’d never forgiven his dad for walking out on them when he was a kid.

 

Yeah. That was a thing.

 

Seungmin wondered how on Earth his train of thought had gotten so derailed. Hadn’t he started off thinking about something totally different? Something totally benign? Then again, sinking ships weren’t exactly harmless. Well, as long as no one died, right?

 

He pushed the thoughts away. His stomach growled. His leg itched.

 

It was very bright out. He could feel the warmth of it on his skin and see the vibrance of it all red and shadowy through his eyelids. Wait. When had he shut his eyes? Slowly, he opened them. He had expected a cloudy sky to be above him but he found himself staring at a white ceiling instead.

 

He was… indoors? And on a bed? He blinked. Seungmin recognized the posters on the far wall and the smell of rubbing alcohol and the white, sheer curtains.

 

Why was he in the nurse’s office at school?

 

“Ugh,” Seungmin groaned. The last thing he remembered was being up on the school roof. After that was a blank.

 

A daydream.

 

He became aware of the glitchy noises of a video game. It sounded close. He turned to his right. Seungmin squinted against the glow of the afternoon sun coming in through one of the windows as he tilted his head towards the noise. Jisung was sitting in the chair next to the bed. He was flopped over, arms under his head, his shaggy head of hair pressed into the pillow next to Seungmin’s head. Jisung must have fallen asleep while playing his game. It was quite the relief to see something so _ordinary_ because Seungmin wasn’t sure what the hell was going on.

 

Everything felt so bright and warm. The world had a glow around it. Pink and sparkly like something out of a manga. The corners were fuzzy and soft, but not blurry. He wanted to stick this feeling in a jar and keep it. Inhale it whenever he felt a little down.

 

Seungmin reached out his left hand and carded his fingers through his best friend’s inky black hair. “Wake up, sleepyhead,” he cooed softly. His friend responded with a low, rumbling snore. Wow, he must be really tired to let something come between him and his game. Even sleep. Seungmin ran a thumb over the boy’s scalp. He smelled like the outdoors. A little sweaty. A little smoky. Seungmin whispered, “Your hair is so tangled. Do you not own a comb? What the hell.” Still no response. Odd. Insults usually worked. Annoyed, Seungmin gave the boy’s head a shake. “Jisung, wake up.”

 

“Jisung is awake,” said Jisung’s voice. “And Jisung is also over here.”

 

Slowly, Seungmin turned over to see Jisung sitting in the chair on the other side of the bed, bent over his phone and tapping away rapidly at his screen. Well then. “Okay, if you’re over there, who have I been giving a head massage to all of this time?”

 

Jisung glanced up briefly from his phone screen. “You don’t wanna know.”

 

Pssh. Whatever. Seungmin turned back to the mystery fellow and turned their head enough so that he could see a face beneath their messy mop of hair. He wished he hadn’t. “Shit.” It was Hyunjin. Of course of course _of course_.

 

Jisung blew a raspberry. “I told you so.”

 

All the soft, warm fuzziness of his world turned cold and hard and sterile. Now he was fully awake and more viscerally aware of his surroundings. Seungmin swallowed hard. “Why didn’t you stop me earlier?”

 

“Why are you still doing it now?”

 

That was a good question. Seungmin stopped moving his hand across Hyunjin’s head. As if in response, the scary boy stirred. He sat up a little. A drowsy eye opened, assessed Seungmin’s shocked face, and then drifted closed again. He laid his head back down and began to snore almost immediately. The whole time, Seungmin felt like he had put his hand on a hot stove and could not move it away even as his skin burned. “Why is Hyunjin here,” Seungmin hissed.

 

“You don’t remember?” Jisung put his phone down. “He was with you on the roof when you collapsed. He brought you here.”

 

“Collapsed?”

 

The school nurse slid the curtain aside and approached Seungmin on the bed. He was a tall man with a tapered, rectangular face and buzzed short hair. He looked more like a soldier than a healthcare practitioner. At least until he smiled and all of his hard edges softened like cotton candy. “You’re finally up,” Mr. Ok said cheerfully. “Can you tell me what happened? Think back to what you were doing before you passed out.”

 

He had _passed out_?

 

Seungmin thought back. He was supposed to meet Felix on the roof, so… “I ran up the stairs,” he recited. “And then I went out to the roof and I danced because I was super happy.”

 

Mr. Ok pressed his mouth into a firm line. “You danced outside? In _this_ heat?” He stepped away from the bed to sit at his desk in the corner of the room.

 

“I mean, yeah,” Seungmin said. He got starry-eyed thinking about it again. “I got caught up in the moment. Something good happened to me so I just danced.”

 

“Did you have anything to eat or drink?” Mr. Ok interrogated him.

 

Seungmin thought about it. “No. It was at the start of lunch. I didn’t even go to the cafeteria.”

 

Mr. Ok scribbled some notes down on one of the many papers on his desk. He hummed thoughtfully to himself before he stood back up again, adjusting his white coat. “I had my suspicions when I checked your blood pressure and your temperature,” he said. “You collapsed from heat exhaustion. Overexertion.”

 

“You sure I didn’t pass out from extreme terror?” Seungmin asked, glancing at Hyunjin’s bushy head of hair. “Because I think I passed out from extreme terror.”

 

Mr. Ok continued as if Seungmin hadn’t spoken. “It’s only May but this heat wave is still serious. The air is hot and dry which can make being outside not just uncomfortable but dangerous if you aren’t prepared. I’ll have to speak with the dean and see if we can get some posters about this up in the halls, especially with all of these outdoor sports getting into full swing.” He grabbed a clipboard off of his desk and continued his scribbling. “Fortunately, Hyunjin was with you when you passed out. He caught you, which kept you from hitting your head. That would have been truly dangerous in a place as isolated as the roof. If it weren’t for him, there’s no telling how long you would have been unconscious up there. You’re not supposed to go to the roof unless it’s an emergency, by the way.”

 

Seungmin was about to tell him that meeting your long-term crush _was_ an emergency but he stopped himself.

 

Mr. Ok raised an eyebrow and made a face that made Seungmin wonder if he had said that outloud. Fortunately, the nurse just said, “I need you to drink some water nice and slow. Don’t stand up for a while. No sudden movements.” He pulled an ice cold bottle of water out of the mini-fridge beneath his desk. “When you feel better, you can get back to class. No more vigorous activity outdoors without staying sufficiently hydrated. Understand?”

 

“I got you,” Seungmin confirmed. How embarrassing. Who would have thought that his excitement to meet Felix on the roof was the thing that kept him from meeting Felix on the roof? “See? This is what happens when you don’t stay inside and read manga all day. The life of the otaku is superior.”

 

“There are… many problems with such a sedentary lifestyle,” Mr. Ok stated simply.

 

“I was mainly joking,” said Seungmin. “Mainly.”  

 

“Take your time with that water, please,” Jisung insisted. He had pulled his phone back out and started up his game again. “I can’t three-star this level and I don’t want to leave until I do.”

 

Mr. Ok handed the bottle of water out to Seungmin who would have reached out to accept it if his hand wasn’t still tangled in Hyunjin’s hair. Yikes. He had forgotten about that. Seungmin attempted to pull his hand free but only ended up pulling on Hyunjin’s hair with quite some force. The half-asleep boy let out a perverse moan that put Jisung’s big titty waifu game to shame.

 

Seungmin looked at Jisung. Jisung looked back at him, equally shocked. Equally wide-eyed.

 

“Let’s not do that again,” Seungmin decided. “Let’s never ever ever do that again.” He finally managed to peel his hand out of Hyunjin’s knotted-up hair and he accepted the water bottle from Mr. Ok. Moving around that much dislodged the damp towel that he hadn’t even known had been laid across his forehead.

 

With his diagnosis administered, Mr. Ok pulled the curtain closed and walked away, leaving the boys to bask in the sunlight streaming in through the window. Hyunjin resumed his snoring.

 

Seungmin whispered, “Okay, so I know why Hyunjin’s here but why is he _still_ here?”

 

Jisung kept his eyes on his game but answered, “Because I told him he could lawfully skip class if he told the nurse you’re his friend. Why else do you think I’m here?”

 

“To look out for me?”

 

“To take advantage of the fastest wifi hotspot in the building,” Jisung deadpanned. His eyes darted up to meet Seungmin’s gaze but only for a moment. “Glad you’re okay, though. Seeing you laid out like that really spooked me. Your face was all red and everything. Your brother almost lost his mind. Mr. Ok had to physically drag him out.”

 

“How long have I been out?” Seungmin felt like he’d only been asleep for a minute.

 

“Third period is almost over.”

 

“Hot damn,” Seungmin cursed. He thought he’d merely closed his eyes on the roof just to think for a moment and now he was way in the nurse’s office with half of the afternoon just gone. He uncapped the bottle and took a tentative sip of his water and did the math. Adding up lunch and his missed third period, that meant he’d been unconscious for a tad over two hours! Seungmin sat up. He didn’t feel dizzy but now that he had tasted water, he realized how horrendously thirsty he was. He took a more hearty swig.

 

“Why were you with Hyunjin,” Jisung asked. “Doesn’t he hate your guts? Don’t you hate _his_ guts?”

 

“He was on the roof smoking,” explained Seungmin in a low voice in case Mr. Ok was eavesdropping from the other side of the curtain. “I guess that’s his usual spot. I didn’t realize.”

 

“Well, why were you on the roof?”

 

It dawned on Seungmin then that he hadn’t even _told_ Jisung about the note he’d gotten in math class, the one from Felix asking him to meet on the roof. Seungmin had just been about to open his mouth to explain all of that when Hyunjin stirred in his sleep. He stretched out an arm, his hand pressing into Seungmin’s side, and then he turned his head so that his face was towards the wall. Seungmin watched the boy’s every move like he was an untrained dog that would snap awake and bite him at any moment, but--

 

“Oh no.”

 

Jisung peeped up from his game. “What’s up?”

 

“Shit shit shit shit shit.” Seungmin chanted. It was like someone had dumped ice down his back. His whole body tensed.

 

“Dude, what is up with you?”

 

He handed his bottle of water to Jisung and then leaned forward over Hyunjin. Seungmin was just dreaming, right? He was seeing things! The heat was still fucking with his head. It _had_ to be.

 

“Spit it out,” Jisung pressed. “What’s wrong?”

 

Seungmin reached out a hand and pulled an all-too-familiar sheet of pastel green paper from Hyunjin’s outstretched hand. Seungmin wanted to believe with all of his heart that it was a totally different piece of paper that just so happened to be the same odd color but he only had to unfold it a smidgen to confirm what it was. Hyunjin had been holding his confession letter. Why the flying fuck did he have it?

 

Jisung recognized it, too. “Dude.” The syllable was barely louder than an exhaled breath and was almost inaudible over the noise of his game.

 

“I think I’m dying,” Seungmin realized. He flopped back onto the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m croaking for real.”

 

“Good,” said Jisung. “That means I can stay out of class longer.”

 

“I’m serious,” Seungmin huffed. “I’m going under. I’m walking through a candle-lit cathedral and all I hear are funeral bells. Moonlight is pouring in through the stained-glass windows. I see someone at the end of the aisle. Hello, Mr. Grim Reaper. You look dashing in that black suit.”

 

Jisung put the cool, damp towel back over Seungmin’s forehead.

 

Like getting struck by a bolt of lightning, Seungmin realized what had happened. Yesterday at lunch, the note had been in his hand when he had stood up to free the noodle from Hyunjin’s shoulder and then the note had _not_ been in his hand when he had sat back down to talk to Felix. He had originally thought he’d given it to Felix without realizing but now he figured he must have dropped it on the table in front of Hyunjin when Chan had scared the bejesus out of him. That meant that Felix had never gotten the note and his invitation to the beach at lunch had been platonic at best.

 

Seungmin’s eyes snapped open. “I need to go,” he announced, sitting up.

 

“No,” snapped Jisung. “We’re staying. If I can shave just a few more seconds off of my clear time, I can three-star this stage! I’m a completionist. I need this 100%. Give me a few more minutes.”

 

“I need to go,” Seungmin repeated. He was already crawling to the foot of the bed, moving carefully so as not to wake up the sleeping dragon.

 

“You’re still sick, remember,” Jisung raised his voice, clearly not giving a damn if he woke Hyunjin or not. “You’re dying and I’m at your bedside keeping vigil!”

 

Seungmin stood up. Skipping class would have been a phenomenal idea on any other day but, today, Seungmin would have preferred to be in a classroom than to be in the nurse’s office, right here and right now. He ran his hands frantically through his hair. His thoughts were suddenly in overdrive and it was damn near impossible to keep up with them. Hyunjin had _kept_ his confession letter. He had been holding it in his hand while he slept! It was still nice and neat and crinkle-free. He had it for a whole day but had taken care of it. It still looked new! That meant he _cared_ about it. Was that even possible?

 

Seungmin made a mad grab for the water bottle in Jisung’s hand, nearly spilling it. He chugged it, emptying the bottle in a handful of swallows. When he was finished with it, he chucked it into the trash can. Was Hyunjin the one who had asked Seungmin to meet on the rooftop instead of Felix? Is that why he had been up there waiting? Is that why he had said _Look, we need to have a chat_ in that deathly serious tone? Seungmin must have already died because how else did he wind up in an alternate dimension where up was down and crazy was normal? To test his theory, he said, “I am going to run out of here so fast I break the sound barrier.”

 

Mr. Ok turned away from his desk. “No vigorous activity.”

 

“I need to go,” Seungmin said a third time. He needed to get out of here. He needed to _leave_.

 

“I’m not going back to class!” Jisung practically yelled. He stood up so fast he nearly knocked his chair over. “Get back in bed and pretend to be dehydrated again you son of a bitch. Now!”

 

“Language,” Mr. Ok spoke up in an unserious voice.

 

Seungmin paused. He considered staying but only for a moment. If Hyunjin had wanted to meet on the roof, then was he going to confess? It was the only thing that made sense. He’d have torn the letter to shreds if he refused. He’d have gone out of his way to avoid Seungmin or, hell, bully him with more intense focus if he was going to reject him. ...but a secret one-on-one meeting on the rooftop? That could only lead to one thing and Seungmin, as wild and fanciful as his imagination was, couldn’t even _fathom_ making out with Hyunjin. If there was any true impossibility in this world, that was the one. “Just pretend Hyunjin’s the sick one and then you can keep right on skipping class.”

 

“That’s definitely not how this works,” Mr. Ok called out, not looking up from his papers.

 

“Kim Seungmin!” Jisung began to walk around the bed to try and corner the boy. “Get back over here. You _will_ lay down and you will fake it and you will like it! Do you understand?”

 

But the bell signaling the end of third period sounded.

 

Seungmin turned around and made a mad dash for the door.

 

“HEY!” Jisung shouted at the top of his lungs but Seungmin didn’t stop.

 

This was getting ridiculous. He needed to put a stop to this. If he had just been a little braver, perhaps this whole mess wouldn’t have gotten started. It’s because he had been a weak ass little bitch that things had gotten this out of control. He needed to do what he should have done the other day. He needed to tell Felix the truth even if it killed him! He charged up the stairwell, weaving his way through the bodies of his classmates as they talked and laughed on their way to the last class of the day.

 

The second floor hallway was a crowded mess of red ties, white collars and plaid pants or skirts but Felix’s unusual hair color made him stand out like he had a neon arrow above his head.

 

“Felix,” Seungmin shouted, headed in his direction. “Felix. Hey!”

 

His crush looked around, having heard his name being called. It took him quite some time to spot Seungmin approaching him in the crowd. “Yo,” he called out, but he didn’t wait up. He turned back around and kept moving down the hallway towards his next class.

 

“Wait up,” Seungmin tried again. Why wouldn’t he slow down? Why didn’t he realize this was urgent and needed to be talked about _now_? At long last, Seungmin caught up with the boy.

 

“Are you okay,” Felix asked without slowing down. “Someone told me you got taken to the nurse’s office.”

 

Fuck. Word traveled fast. Seungmin waved his concerns away. “I’m fine now but I need to ask you something.”

 

“Okay, shoot.”

 

“Did you write me a note in math class this morning?” _Meet me on the rooftop at lunch._

 

“Huh? No.” Felix’s whole face scrunched up with confusion. And that was that. He walked on.

 

So it really had been Hyunjin who wanted to meet up. Someone who _wasn’t_ his crush. Someone who wasn't even a possibility. Seungmin felt his heart crack apart but he took a deep breath. He caught up with Felix again and opened his mouth to speak. If he stopped now, for any reason, he’d never work up the courage to say any of the words on his mind. “Then why did you wave at me in class?”

 

“Huh?” Felix looked over at him, as if just now realizing Seungmin wanted to have a serious conversation with him. “Because you waved first, man.”

 

Seungmin’s heart cracked into a few more pieces. So that whole imagined conversation he’d had in class had been just that… imagined. Now that Seungmin thought about it, Felix had looked quite bewildered by his excessive waving. The boy had no clue what Seungmin had been so excited about. He had not seen the note Seungmin had written him and definitely hadn’t written a note in return. Talk about a lack of a connection.

 

By then, Felix reached his destination: his locker. He started to spin in his combination.

 

This was the real moment of truth. The big one. The one that would make Jisung saw off his right foot.

 

“I like you,” Seungmin said before he realized the words were out of his mouth.

 

Felix snorted back a laugh. “I like you, too. You’re cool sometimes.”

 

“No.” Seungmin corrected him. “I _like_ you like you.” Then, to really prove his point so that there would be no further miscommunication, he exclaimed “I want to date you.”

 

The air changed. The temperature in the hall dropped as if it were suddenly winter outside. Everything seemed to get quiet like the whole school was buried under a heavy blanket of snow. Seungmin realized far too late that he had screamed his confession, not spoken it, and that everyone in the hall had heard.

 

“Oh,” Felix squeaked out. His eyes darted around, taking in the fact that almost everyone nearby was watching him. Gulping, Felix turned back to his locker and swung open the door. Dozens upon dozens upon dozens of crudely cut red paper hearts came tumbling out. They fluttered out of the locker, scattering in all directions, getting stuck to Felix’s shirt and to his arms. They made quite the mess around Felix’s feet. “Oh,” the boy repeated, staring at the red apocalypse. He didn’t sound impressed in the slightest. In fact, he sounded mildly displeased.

 

Seungmin recognized those red hearts. It had been what that sneaky little gremlin had been doing the other day! But when the redhead looked up at him, it dawned on him that Felix thought _he_ had been the one to fill his locker with them.

 

“Sorry,” Felix said. “But I think we should only be friends.”

 

Wow. This was what heartbreak felt like. Seungmin honestly thought he would pass out again.

 

The two of them stared at each other for a brief moment. Both of them were mortified for entirely different reasons. Then, through the static in his head, Seungmin became aware of the whispering and giggling of his classmates. The pointed fingers. Someone passing by kicked at the pile of red hearts, sending the chaos in all directions across the hall. The volume of laughter increased. Seungmin’s rejection had been about as brutal as a public execution. His head may as well have been a useless, bloody blob of flesh in a basket somewhere.

 

Felix looked back down at his feet, biting his bottom lip. He nudged a few of the paper hearts with his foot. “Sorry,” he said again, far quieter. His whole face was as red as his hair. As red as the paper on the floor around him.

 

Fuck being brave. Seungmin completely lost his nerve. He did the one thing he could think of.

 

He ran.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“Goddamn,” Jisung said after school that day. “That sounds like it was a complete shitshow. I wish I had been there.” He shoved another handful of M&Ms in his mouth. “Want some?”

 

Seungmin accepted the offer.

 

They were in the school's front lobby, watching as students walked by on their way home. Fortunately, no one seemed to be paying Seungmin much mind. Well, when a group of boys walked by, one of them deliberately shouted, “I think we should just be friends!” Laughter followed. Damn. Seungmin watched them leave with a heavy heart. More people then he realized had seen that catastrophe. He felt like a clown.

 

Jisung picked up their thread of conversation. “I mean, wow, man. If I had been there, I would have absolutely laughed my ass off.”

 

Seungmin pouted. “Take this seriously. My heart’s in a million pieces over here.”

 

“I _am_ taking this seriously. I wish I had been there. Your face was probably priceless. Did anyone record it? This is the exact kind of shit that ends up on Facebook.”

 

“I fucked up everything. But, technically, I confessed. You gonna saw off your right foot or what?”

 

“Ummm, that bet only applied to yesterday.” Jisung tipped the M&M bag towards his mouth and let more of the candy fall in. He chewed on them quite noisily and then used his shoulder to push open the school’s front doors. The two of them stepped outside into the afternoon sunlight and started down the main steps. Jisung spoke up. “So let me start at the beginning. You run up on Felix and you confess your undying love for him.”

 

“Yeah,” Seungmin mumbled.

 

“And then he just looks at you,” Jisung asked. “He doesn’t say _anything_?”

 

Seungmin groaned. “He just goes ‘oh.’”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah, just like that.” Seungmin didn’t want to relive it but here he was anyway. “And then he opens his locker and all of these red hearts just spill out all over the place. It was a disaster.”

 

“But you didn’t cut out those hearts?”

 

“The Snaggletooth Gremlin put them in there yesterday.”

 

“The what?”

 

Seungmin shook his head. It really wasn’t worth explaining. “It’s just terrible coincidence. The icing on the cake.”  

 

Jisung inhaled sharply. “Yikes, man. And in front of everyone, too? Why was I still in the nurse’s office? I would have loved to have seen that!” He dumped the last of his candy into his mouth, crumbled up the yellow and brown bag and tossed it into a trash can they were passing. “You should have said you didn’t make the hearts. I feel like that would have saved you a lot of pain.”

 

“I was already in pain,” Seungmin wailed. “He had already told me that we should only be friends! If I had said the hearts weren’t mine, it would have sounded like a dumb excuse and he wouldn’t have believed me.”

 

Jisung wiped his hands on his shirt. The two of them paused beneath the shade of the olive tree and spent a moment listening to the cicadas shrill in the distance. For the first time since their conversation started, Jisung _really_ looked at his friend and saw how distraught he was. How bent out of shape he was. When the silence wore on, Jisung apologized in a tiny voice, “I’m sorry. I know how much you liked him. I can’t imagine being turned down like that.”  

 

“Seeing his face,” Seungmin muttered sadly. “...the look he gave me.” He hated to remember it, but he recalled Felix’s expression. How tense the boy’s eyebrows had gotten, how tightly he had clenched his jaw. It was hard to pinpoint the exact emotion the boy had been feeling--disappointment, perhaps--but Seungmin had been there and he had felt the shift in Felix’s mood. The hearts had been an unfortunate coincidence but that didn’t stop Felix from being completely embarrassed. “Everyone pointed and laughed.”

 

“But you get pointed at and laughed at all of the time,” Jisung reminded him with a smile.

 

“I don’t care about that,” Seungmin huffed. “I mean, they were laughing at Felix, too. I’m sure.”

 

“You were the one who got rejected. I think they were just laughing at you.”

 

Seungmin sucked in a deep breath. If he was being honest with himself, he felt like crying. He felt like running and hiding. Yet he still had to show up to school tomorrow and look at Felix across the aisle. Would the boy even talk to him now? Would they ever hang out at the beach again?

 

Now Seungmin understood why crushes were called crushes. He felt absolutely flattened. Buried beneath a landslide.

 

“Think of it this way,” Jisung tried to be positive, “now there’s nothing keeping you and Hyunjin apart.”

 

“Hell no.”

 

Jisung shrugged. “I’m just trying to help you out, dude. He had your letter and everything. Why did you give it to him anyway?”

 

“I didn’t,” Seungmin defended his honor. “I dropped it by accident and he just so happened to have picked it up.” He groaned and pressed his hands to his face. “Today’s just not my day. Can we go back in time and start today over? I swear I’ll get it right this time.”

 

“Hyunjin will still have the letter.”

 

“Well, can we go back to yesterday? I need a do over.”

 

“Okay sure,” said Jisung. He clapped his hands together and concentrated really hard like he was praying. “Bam! Now we should be back in time.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes.

 

“Look, dude, if I could really turn back time for you, I would. You’ve had a shit day. I can _see_ that. You look like shit.”

 

“Thanks,” Seungmin said. When he sighed, the weight of heartbreak settled a tad more comfortably in his chest.

 

They started walking again, heading towards the main gate. All Seungmin wanted to do was go straight home and catch up on his manga. Maybe if he lost himself in a story of someone else’s love life, he could forget about how shitty his was going.

 

“Wait,” Jisung said, holding up a hand. They paused just outside the gate. “What’s this wicked sensation?”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about,” Seungmin wondered.

 

Jisung tilted his head as if listening intently. “Why do I feel like we’re about to be ambushed?”

 

Now that Seungmin was paying more attention, the air had filled with cloudy, malicious intent. “Do you think it’s a boss?”

 

“Hell yeah. Didn’t you hear the song change? There’s definitely boss music playing now.”

 

“Your HP bar appeared above your head,” Seungmin noticed. “We just entered combat.”

 

“But where’s the enemy?”

 

“HEY!” A yapping chihuahua voice squealed out behind them. Both boys turned around. That tiny first-year with the braces was charging down the main steps towards them, his teeth bared and his fists clenched. He shouted again, “HEY!”

 

“It’s the Level 99 Snaggletooth Gremlin,” Seungmin realized.

 

Jisung stared blankly for a moment. “The _what_?”

 

The Snaggletooth Gremlin made a beeline for the two boys. For something so small, he could really _move_. He charged right on up to them and stood there a trembling, shaking mess. The thin boy looked Seungmin straight in the eye and said:

 

“What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is your problem, Kim Seungmin!?”


	5. In Which Jeongin Declares War

“You aren’t my bestie.

Who’ve you got your arm ‘round, love?”

 

Y R U Lying? by Lady Leshurr

 

Seungmin stood there stunned. _What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is your problem?_ He had never been asked that question before in his entire life. He had also never heard anyone censor themselves so deliberately. He could have used any other expression. Truly! Seungmin looked the first-year up and down who, based on his sharp frown and downturned eyebrows, was extremely angry with him.

 

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Jisung asked very seriously.

 

The Snaggletooth Gremlin puffed up his chest. “My name is Yang Jeongin and don’t you forget it!”

 

Now Jisung was being an ass. “I forgot it already. Can you repeat that?”

 

Seungmin gently nudged him away and then stepped forward so that he was face to face with Jeongin. “What do you want with us?”

 

The boy fumed. “You stole my moment from me!”

 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

 

“You know darn well what I mean!”

 

“Did you just say darn?” Jisung pointed out.

 

Jeongin let out a frustrated groan. It took a visible amount of effort for him to ignore Jisung. “Today in the hallway,” he said through gritted teeth, his braces gleaming, “you took credit for all of those heckin’ hearts I cut out.”

 

“Did you just say heckin’?” Jisung had to know.

 

“That’s what I said, too,” Seungmin whispered to him.

 

“Enough!” Jeongin shouted, stomping his foot. His anger turned his cheeks blotchy and red. “Those hearts were from me but now Felix thinks they’re from you! You’re a thief who took my shine.”

 

“Oh!” Seungmin exclaimed. Everything was falling into place now. The little guy had a crush on Felix, too. “Oh,” Seungmin said again, but this time it had taken on a more frigid tone. Did he have _competition_ now?

 

Jeongin’s expression also abruptly changed. Gone was his anger. Now he looked significantly impressed. Almost awed. “What an underhanded move, Kim Seungmin. You’re a genius.”

 

“Huh?” Jisung raised both of his eyebrows. He’d clearly missed something.

 

Jeongin let out a chuckle that carried a disturbing amount of menace. “What better way to get an advantage over someone than to offer your help to them and then take everything from them and kick them while they’re down. A brilliant strategy. I applaud you.”

 

“All of that happened by accident,” Jisung butted in.

 

Seungmin spoke up quickly. “Or perhaps I planned it all from the very beginning.”

 

“No, you didn’t,” Jisung hissed.

 

Seungmin kicked him in the shin.

 

“Either way, you had quite the explosive start and I’ll admit that you taught me a few things.” Jeongin began to pace back and forth beneath the shade of the olive tree. “The boldness of your move nearly turned the tides of battle in your favor but your forwardness put Felix on the defensive.” He put the nail of his thumb in his mouth and bit on it, his eyes taking on a crazed, focused look. “This will set me back a bit, but I still think I have a chance at winning.”

 

Jisung said, “What is happening here?”

 

“I have finally earned myself a rival,” Seungmin stated.

 

Jeongin whirled towards Seungmin. Between his beady eyes, fidgeting hands and wild grin, he looked like a mad scientist. Or, more accurately, the mad scientist’s hunchbacked assistant. “Yes!” He screeched. “You will make a fine opponent.”

 

“An opponent for what?” Jisung asked, trying to be the voice of reason in an absolutely loony situation.

 

“The love war, of course!” Jeongin stepped forward and jabbed his finger hard into Seungmin’s chest. “I will be the brilliant strategist Zhuge Liang and you will be the wicked mastermind Sima Yi. Instead of fighting for control over ancient China, we will fight for Felix’s heart. What do you say?”

 

Seungmin couldn’t shake away the thrill of being _challenged_.

 

The school yard melted away, replaced by a war-torn battlefield. Above them, the full moon shone brightly. Its silver glow reflected off of the blood in the mud and turned dancing autumn leaves into whirling shadows. Several arrows were launched into the air from a battalion of archers. The tips of their arrows were on fire and the trails of light through the night sky looked like tiny red comets. Seungmin watched as the arrows pierced the ranks of a formation of soldiers. Many of them toppled over, screaming and burning. Horses whinnied in fright as the fires spread. Sword clashed against sword and the noise rang out like bells. The battle had been going on most of the night and the devastation to the land was obvious. Fallen trees littered the ground, abandoned swords laid in the mud next to crumpled corpses, and the fortress closeby stood in near-ruins with its walls demolished by siege weapons. Seungmin’s army were being pushed back and, if he did not play this carefully, the battle lines would break and the fight would be lost. He stood on the field with the last of his courage while his greatest warrior and closest ally stood by his side.  

 

Jeongin, in the advantageous position, stood quite some distance away with numerous soldiers lined up on either side of him. They pointed their swords and loaded arrows at Seungmin’s head. Jeongin’s deep green robes fluttered in the breeze that raced across the moonlit plains. “Kim Seungmin,” he said, “I will show you that I am more brilliant than you are. You are no match for me when it comes to love.”

 

Jisung, wearing armor as silver and shining as the moon, raised his sword as if to charge in for an attack but Seungmin raised a hand to stop him. “You do not know what I’m capable of. You do not know what I am willing to give up. I will gladly play this game of yours with you. When is it my turn?”

 

“Your turn?” Jeongin laughed. He raised a feathered fan in front of his face, hiding the majority of his features. “This isn’t chess, my friend. This is a love war. There are no turns. There are no rules. This is a match of wits. Whoever gets Felix to fall in love with them first is the winner and the deadline is the last day of the term.”

 

“I accept,” Seungmin said boldly. It sounded like a fair enough deal.

 

“Have you both gone mad?” Jisung hissed under his breath. “This is someone’s feelings we are bargaining over.”

 

“Ha!” Jeongin snapped his fingers. One of the archers at his side loosed an arrow at Seungmin’s head.

 

Jisung tightened the grip on his sword and raised it just in time to block the shot. The arrow dinged against the blade and bounced harmlessly into the mud. Seungmin was so confident in the skills of his great general that he didn’t even flinch. He said, “You saw what happened today. Felix rejected me in front of everyone.”

 

“But he also has no clue who I am,” Jeongin countered. “We’re both at a disadvantage. It will be equally difficult for either of us to spend time with him.”

 

A stranger and the confessing weirdo. That didn’t sound exactly even but Seungmin had already accepted and if he didn’t play this game, he would watch Jeongin get close to Felix and that would be something he was certain he would not survive.

 

“It is simple, really,” said Jeongin. “Whoever Felix chooses is a true warrior of the Three Kingdoms.” He lowered the fan from in front of his face, revealing his wide open mouth peeled back into an excited grin. “The moment I met you, I knew you were my love rival. I knew you were someone worth putting my all up against.”

 

The wind changed directions. Now Seungmin could catch the stench of fire and rot and human filth on the wind. He scrunched up his face against the smell. “I see.”

 

“You understand now, don’t you?” Jeongin continued. “This clash of hearts was fated.”

 

“I won’t hold back,” Seungmin growled. “I won’t let you get in the way.”

 

Jeongin let out a maniacal cackle. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear!”

 

There was the sound of thundering horse hooves rapidly approaching them. All three of them turned. In the smoky distance, a horse as black as shadows was bearing down on them. Atop it was a mighty soldier, his armor was gold and his dragon-shaped helmet was topped with magnificent violet plumage. In his hand was a spear that glittered as if it had been forged from the stars in the sky. He charged through the ranks of soldiers. With every swing of his weapon, he cut down men as easily as if they were but stalks of corn in a field.

 

The horse came to a stop between the two warlords. It reared back on its hind legs before settling into the mud with a snort.

 

Seungmin recognized the legendary warrior.

 

“What are you two shouting about,” Woojin inquired, his voice low and booming.

 

The battlefield faded away. The soldiers disappeared. The night sky brightened to mid-afternoon. The soldier on the horse was now Woojin on his expensive black mountain bike.

 

Woojin warily eyed Jisung and then Jeongin and then, at last, his little brother. “I could hear you two going at it all the way across the courtyard.”

 

Seungmin pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He had let his imagination get away from him and now he had a mild headache.

 

“We’re just playing a game,” Jisung said, attempting to diffuse the situation before Woojin thought something was amiss.

 

“No, we’re not,” Jeongin said, immediately throwing that plan out of the window. “We were declaring war on each other. Rival against rival!”

 

“What on Earth…” Woojin gasped out.

 

“Really,” groaned Jisung. “It’s just some elaborate game of theirs.”

 

Jeongin snickered. “Love is not a game. It’s a contest of intelligence. One of which only true geniuses can participate.” He circled around Woojin’s bike just so that he could glare more directly at Seungmin. He pointed two fingers at his eyes and then hooked them at Seungmin. “We haven’t finished this.” Then he stalked away up the street, being a total badass by not looking back.

 

Jisung let out a deep sigh.

 

Now Woojin was even more concerned. “Were you two about to fist fight?” He grabbed Seungmin by his shirt sleeve. “If you get suspended for fighting, I’ll-”

 

“We’re fighting but not with our fists,” Seungmin explained. “We’re fighting over a boy.”

 

It was Woojin’s turn to let out a deep sigh. He let go of Seungmin and glanced up at the sky as if silently praying for strength. “Come on, you two.”

 

Seungmin asked, “Where are we going?”

 

“I’m taking you straight home,” Woojin answered. “You’re not going anywhere else today.”  

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

The Kim brothers faced off. Sometimes the only way to go about things, the only way to settle a difference of opinions, was to hash it out man to man. Sword against sword.

 

The eldest brother stood ready in his fencing gear, rapier at his chest as he waited. The youngest held a more relaxed posture, left arm confidently pressed behind his back with his rapier pointed downward at his side. It was the duel of the century. A massive crowd from all over the kingdom was wedged into the seats of the dimly-lit auditorium. What had been a raucous arena mere moments ago had become quiet with the stillness of held breath. Everyone watched eagerly. Everyone wanted to know which brother was superior. Would it be the one who followed every rule in the book or the one who didn’t even know the rules existed because _who had the time_? The two champions waited patiently and quietly for the match to start. The eldest brother broke form to dig an anxious heel into the floor. The two fencers stared each other down from opposite ends of the mat, the only sound was the flapping of a blue curtain as a sea breeze came in through the open window. The gust eased off and then it was silent once more. Hundreds of spectators peered down at them. Waiting. Watching. Judging. Seconds passed, seemingly stretching on into minutes as the tension thickened.

 

“You will not get past me,” Kim Woojin declared.

 

“You won’t stop me,” Kim Seungmin retaliated. It was the first words they had spoken to each other since the stand-off started.

 

“Just behave. Stop this.”

 

“I will beat you. You won’t even see it coming.”

 

Woojin narrowed his eyes. He shifted his shoulders ever so slightly and switched his weight to the opposite foot, readying himself.

 

Seungmin tightened his grip on his rapier and held it up in front of him in a fighting stance. When would the match start? When could they charge at each other and settle this argument?

 

The oven in the next room dinged, not only signaling that it had finished preheating but also signaling the official start of the duel. Seungmin lunged forward, thrusting his sword arm towards his brother’s chest.

 

Woojin parried the blow. Only the mildest shock spread over his face. “Are you for real? Are you really doing this right now?”

 

Seungmin lunged forward again. This time, he aimed for his brother’s less dominant arm. Even this tactic didn’t stop Woojin from whacking Seungmin on the wrist to stop his forward momentum.

 

The audience began to make noise. First a solitary holler from an overager fan and then, slowly, more whoops and shouts as the match continued.

 

“Grow up,” Woojin snapped.

 

“You can’t make me,” Seungmin growled out.

 

“I can and I will.” His brother stated it like it was common knowledge. Irrefutable truth.

 

Seungmin tried to slip around his brother’s frame but Woojin stepped sideways, putting himself firmly in the way. The crowd oohed and ahhed.

 

“Seungmin, please,” Woojin complained. “Can you be serious for five seconds?” The words were like a taunt. He may as well have bellowed _Your skill is no match for mine!_

 

“I am being serious.” Irritated by this, Seungmin lunged at him again. Woojin didn’t even lose his balance as he pushed his younger brother backwards with a perfectly executed riposte. The crowd roared--angrily or happily, it was hard to tell--at Woojin’s fine show of swordsmanship.

 

“Stop treating this like a game,” Woojin snapped. _You bore me with your subpar skills_ , is what he basically said. Seungmin almost managed to get a hit in but Woojin turned sideways at the last second.

 

This carried on for several moments. It was a constant dance of attack and defense. Movement and stillness. Shouting and held breath. Back and forth, back and forth. For each step forward the younger brother thought he was making, the older brother pushed him back two steps. On and on it went. Seungmin attempted to create any kind of opening in Woojin’s defenses by moving unpredictably, going high one moment and then low the next, but Woojin’s athletic reflexes always had him one step ahead. Two steps. It’s like he could predict his brother’s every action. With only the minimal amount of effort, he dodged Seungmin’s attacks and expertly parried Seungmin’s sword arm every time he reached out.

 

At long last, Woojin’s patience wore thin. His face flared up into an agitated snarl. “Why do you want to go outside so bad?” He loudly asked. “Have you lost your mind? Do you not realize how serious this is?”

 

Seungmin backed away hastily to regain some distance. “Stop being a dick.”

 

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to be if I could trust you!”

 

“Why can’t you trust me?”

 

“Because you told me you’d be good since Mom’s coming home early yet here you are being a nuisance and playing make-believe even though you’re seven-fucking-teen.”

 

The fencing gear vanished. The rapiers dissipated. The room full of gasping spectators was very suddenly the Kim family living room with its modest, old furniture and off-white shiplap walls. Woojin blocked the front door with his body, as immovable as a celebrity’s bodyguard. Seungmin continued to stare him down. In a tinier voice than he needed for that moment, he said, “Why do you want to keep me inside like a caged bird?”

 

“Are you joking?” Woojin’s voice broke into a shriek. “You _collapsed_ at school because of heat exhaustion yet you want to go outside where it’s hot?”

 

“It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

 

Woojin’s eyes went wide behind his glasses. He dragged a hand over his forehead in frustration. “Seungmin! You were unconscious for two hours. That’s a huge deal.” _You nearly got carted off to the hospital blah blah blah_. Seungmin had already heard this from him on the way home. Woojin continued, “Didn’t the nurse tell you to avoid getting too hot? You can get truly sick!”

 

The younger brother looked away, folding his arms across his chest indignantly. Ugh. He hated facts. Why did they have to be so _correct_ all of the time? He would have gave up the fight if his pride allowed him. “Just let me go outside. I feel all cooped up in here.” He shouldn’t have been opposed at all to staying inside where it was air-conditioned. He could snack on some ice cream and relax and put off doing his homework by citing that it was the kind of ‘vigorous activity’ that Mr. Ok had warned him not to participate in. On any other day, that would have been his plan of action, but Seungmin was too full of nervous energy to sit still. Ever since that confrontation with Jeongin at school, he had this feeling like he was going to be late. Late for what, he didn’t know, but he was going to be _late_! And he needed to hurry. The where didn’t matter. He just needed to go!

 

“No,” Woojin said in his Nagging Older Brother voice. “You’re not leaving. I already told Mom. She’d lose it if I didn’t keep an eye on you.”

 

“You told Mom?” Seungmin wailed. He grabbed a handful of the front of Woojin’s shirt. “What did you do that for?”

 

“I called her as soon as I found out.” Woojin pried his brother’s hands off of him. “Why else do you think she’s getting off work early?”

 

“Dude!” Seungmin groaned. Why did Mom have to get involved? She didn’t have to know! The battle was over for real now. He turned away, slinked towards the couch and flopped face-down onto it. If he were being honest with himself, he still felt a little hot under the collar. He had drank water at school but then he also had to deal with the long walk home with Woojin at his heels asking him if he was okay every five seconds. Even Jisung had gotten annoyed enough to walk ahead without them. The brothers had only been home a half hour before Seungmin had felt the need to _go out_. “Now she’s gonna treat me like a baby.”

 

“Isn’t that what you want based on how you act?”

 

Seungmin groaned again, his voice muffled by the couch cushions.

 

Woojin, positive that Seungmin had given up on attempting to run out of the house, left the front door. He went to the kitchen and finished preparing the frozen pizza to put in the oven. He called over his shoulder, “Where did you think you were going to go in your condition?”

 

 _Condition?_ Why did he make it sound like Seungmin had come down with some kind of lung disease? “I wanted to go to the beach,” Seungmin explained himself. “I’ll be cool in the water.”

 

“Do you not care about yourself at all? Do you not care about how I feel? About how Mom feels? What if you pass out again? It hasn’t been but a few hours. I bet you haven’t properly recovered from the first time. You need to stay cool, get some food in you and not work yourself too hard. I’ve read up on this. Dehydration isn’t something that goes away after a single glass of water. In fact, by the time you’re feeling bad enough to show symptoms, your body has been--”

 

Good lord. He was going to start lecturing. “I feel fine,” Seungmin interrupted. “Just let me go.”

 

“You go to the beach every single day. What’s one day off?” Woojin swung open the oven door, slid the pizza onto the rack and then shut it with a bit more force than he probably intended. “Do you think the ocean is gonna get up and walk away if you aren’t there?”

 

Why was he so worked up? You would have thought _he’d_ been the one to collapse. “It did on that one episode of Steven Universe!” Seungmin whined.

 

“What?” Woojin’s voice broke in exasperation. He shook his head and then sighed like he was throwing in the towel. “Never mind.”

 

Seungmin rolled over so that he was on his back on the couch and staring up at the slowly-moving ceiling fan. He couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened at school today. It was like a fresh wound that was still red and sore and bleeding despite the bandages. Seungmin had gotten his hopes up only to fail spectacularly. And publicly! If he had known the gremlin’s cursed hearts would come tumbling out of Felix’s locker, he never would have confessed! Or, at the very least, he would have chosen a better moment to speak his truth. A moment that wouldn’t be ruined by a crowd of giggling spectators and a mountain of red paper hearts. But despite all of that, Seungmin was more mad at himself than anything. He had gone so long believing that he’d actually stepped up and made a move on Felix only to realize a whole day later that he’d mucked everything up, that Felix hadn’t even gotten the note, that he’d seen all of his interactions with his crush afterwards through rose-tinted glasses. This perfect little image of them running off into the sunset on white horses had lived in his head for hours. Hours! Only for it all to come crashing down. Sure, getting publicly rejected hurt like hell, but to know that everything he had worked hard for had been for nothing hurt a lot more. Staying up all night perfecting his letter, lining up the edges of his origami folds just right, starting and stopping and starting and stopping… He had wasted the whole night only to make things awkward with Felix in the end. The boy had said that they should be only friends but, after such a mess, were they still friends? The two of them had hung out one whole time but even that felt easily discardable now. An hour they could both quickly and easily push away. Forget. Erase.

 

Yet he still liked Felix. Okay maybe _that_ was what hurt the most at the end of all of this.

 

He still liked Felix and now he had to put up with an ungrateful gremlin challenging him to--what had he called it?--a love war. What did that even mean? What did that even entail? This love war was probably why he felt the need to get up and go. As unthreatened as he wanted to be by Jeongin, the shiftiness in the boy’s eyes made it clear that he was a man with a goal and goals could be frightening things when you stood in front of one as an obstacle.

 

There was a chance that Felix was out on the beach catching waves and, at that very moment, Jeongin was also out there scheming up some kind of evil, masterful strategy to win Felix over while his opponent couldn’t even reach the field of battle without an annoying brother standing in the way! It wasn’t a fair fight but, like Jeongin said, this wasn’t chess. In war, there were no turns. Your opponent didn’t wait for you while you came up with your plans and your opponent most definitely did not go easy on you just because you had a slow start.

 

In a love war, you either had the resources to win or you didn’t. In a love war, someone had to win and someone had to lose.

 

And Seungmin didn’t want to lose.


	6. In Which The Hammer Of Murphy's Law Strikes With Ridiculous Force

“Pester me again, I’m gonna have to kick your teeth in.”

 

TKO by Charli XCX

 

He woke up before dawn to do some cooking. If he was going to make lunch for Minho today, he may as well make lunch for himself as well. Cooking for two people wasn’t all too different from cooking for one, after all. And then since he was up and cooking anyways, it only made sense to make breakfast for his family on top of that. It sounded like a lot of work, and in a way it absolutely was, but Seungmin didn’t mind doing it today. He enjoyed cooking--well, only when he wasn’t being pressured into it by his brother--and the blue-gray, sparkly hours before the sun came up in the mornings was probably the only period of the day where his mind was really quiet.

 

As always, he started off by swinging open the fridge door and assessing possible ingredients.

 

Rice was a necessity so he was definitely going to cook a pot. There was a little bit of tofu left. It would take time, but with the right marinade, he could grill up some cubes and get them nice and smoky and charred and use it as a meat substitute. There was a head of broccoli, carrots and some scallions that he could use and there were some orange and yellow bell peppers and leftover zucchini that he could chop up.

 

Did this call for a stir-fry? Fuck yeah! Time to get out the wok!

 

As Seungmin waited for the stovetop to heat up, he swung open the kitchen window to let in the breeze. The air felt damp and cool outside. Too early to be muggy. It was also too early even for the birds to start chirping but that meant it was quiet enough to hear the crashing ocean waves in the distance. A poem sprang to mind, rhymeless and rambling. “There are things only the nighttime me knows,” he recited, closing his eyes. “He knows my dreams and my fears and the outline of my sleeping body. He keeps it all a secret from the sunshine.”

 

It was okay but it just didn’t feel right. He opened his eyes and let the poem drift outside amongst the cricket song and the rustling leaves of the big trees on the hill outside.

 

Time to work.

 

He started off by loading up the rice cooker. With that done, he chopped up the veggies, being careful not to slice them too thin or they would burn to crisps over the high heat. Next, he started pressing out the tofu and cutting it into neat cubes and after that he made a quick dressing using onion, herbs and pepper to give the tofu flavor. He needed something else for this meal. Perhaps something sweet?  

 

Seungmin had only been working for about a half hour when his mother joined him in the kitchen. “Morning, pumpkin,” she said through a yawn. She had a terry-cloth robe wrapped around her body and her hair, with just the slightest bit of gray at the temples, was in a messy bun on top of her head. “Stir-fry is a bit heavy for breakfast, don’t you think?”

 

“I’m making it for lunch,” Seungmin explained. He poured oil into the cast-iron wok and it sizzled and steamed. “A friend begged for some of my cooking.” And quite desperately at that.

 

“A friend?” Mom said slowly. She went straight to the cabinet close to the fridge to retrieve her can of coffee from the upper shelf. She was plugging in the coffeemaker when she glanced over her shoulder and asked, “I thought you didn’t take requests?”

 

Woojin poked his head around the archway. Of course he’d been listening in. “He’s fighting over a boy at school, Mom.”

 

Great. Just great. This was how shit got started! Seungmin rolled his eyes.

 

“A boy,” Mom parroted. She hadn’t even had her coffee yet but she now sounded completely awake. She clapped her hands. “How wonderful, pumpkin! A boy. So that’s who you’re cooking for? There hasn’t been a _boy_ since--”

 

“Hush,” Seungmin spoke over her. “That’s classified information!”

 

Woojin leaned farther into the kitchen. “Huh? Since who?”

 

Mom inhaled to answer.

 

“You’ve got it all wrong,” Seungmin spoke up before any embarrassing details from last year were brought up. “I’m not cooking to make a move on anyone.” He scooped the vegetables into the wok and began quickly stirring them with a long-handled spatula. Over the noise of the sizzling food, he called out, “He’s just a friendly friend who I am friendly cooking for in a strictly friends-only way.” Sorry Minho.

 

No one believed him.

 

“You wouldn’t be in such denial if it weren’t true,” Woojin pointed out.

 

“I’ll help,” Mom exclaimed, forgetting about her coffee.

 

“What? No,” complained Seungmin. “You’ll go overboard and make--”

 

“I’ll make my sweetheart bread.” Mom shouted. She yanked off her bathrobe, revealing her silk pajamas, and replaced it with her apron that she pulled from the pantry. She rummaged through the kitchen cabinets. “Those things are good luck at the start of a relationship. My coworkers swear by them.”

 

Seungmin sighed, but he couldn’t stop her without putting his stir-fry in danger.

 

Woojin took a seat at the kitchen table. His bed hair sticking up on top of his head. He looked like a rooster. “What is sweetheart bread?”

 

“An absolutely unnecessary addition to this meal.” Seungmin had to at least try.

 

“They’re a fun little treat,” explained Mom as she gathered her bowls and ingredients on the countertop: milk, yeast, flour, sugar, salt and butter. “It has a flaky and buttery crust and a crunchy but sweet filling. They are meant to be pulled apart and shared with your sweetheart.”

 

“Sounds perfect for the situation,” Woojin said, purposefully egging her on.

 

Seungmin huffed. “Sounds like both of you need to go back to bed.”

 

“Too late. I’ve already mixed the yeast in,” Mom said.

 

“Just toss it out,” Seungmin cried out. This was why he got up at 4 in the morning! He wanted to _avoid_ having his mother and brother get involved in this because he knew they would completely misunderstand and take it too far. “Go back to bed. I’ve got this.”

 

“Can’t,” Mom shot back with a wild laugh. “The milk’s in the flour now.” Shit, she worked fast.

 

“Stop it,” Seungmin whined, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore. He had wanted something sweet to add to the lunch, after all, and he decided things wouldn’t get weird with Minho so long as no one knew the story behind the bread. He hated to admit it but he liked tales of food or objects tying the destiny of two people together. Perhaps because he was tired of being alone. Seungmin lifted the wok up with a snapping movement that sent the vegetables into the air in a clean arc before landing back in the wok. Not a single veggie casualty on the floor this time. He drizzled in some soy sauce which made the kitchen smell like a proper restaurant.

 

Woojin, not wanting to be left out of the cooking festivities, got up from the kitchen table to finish making the morning pot of coffee.

 

Mom already had the ingredients mixed into a wet lump and she was currently rolling it out onto the counter, stretching it and pulling it into dough with practiced and robotic movements. She said, “So tell me about this _boy_ , pumpkin. You finally got over the other one?”

 

“What other one?” Woojin asked from in front of the coffeemaker. Without his glasses on, he basically had to put his nose to the machine to see well enough to figure out what buttons to press.

 

“There is no ‘other one,’” Seungmin said petulantly. But there was. “You’re remembering wrong, Mom.” But she wasn’t.

 

Mom giggled, knowing full well she was pressing her youngest son’s buttons. “Do you still see him around at school?”

 

Seungmin realized that he would have to change the subject completely or some dangerous information about a boy who literally lived next door would slip. Information that his brother didn’t need to learn. “Woojin,” he said, “how was your tournament? You beat everyone, right?”

 

The rice cooker dinged so Woojin crossed the kitchen towards it to start emptying it. “No.” His voice was crisp and matter-of-fact. “I didn’t beat everyone.”

 

“What?” Seungmin spun away from the stove.

 

Woojin scooped the rice into a big glass bowl. He had tried to sound cool and distant earlier but it was clear from his face that he was disappointed in himself. “I came in second. Lost in the last round.”

 

Mom asked, “Well, what happened, apple?”

 

“Went up against this really talented kid from the inland school. He’s not the fastest or the strongest but his playstyle is so technical that it’s hard to keep up with. He baited me close to the net with a few drop shots only to smash one past me for the match point.” To his credit, Woojin only allowed the _tiniest_ bit of anger into his voice. The rest of it he expressed by banging the spoon against the side of the bowl with more force than was needed. “His name is Kim Sunwoo, I think.”

 

Mom hummed thoughtfully. “Can’t win them all, apple. Please don’t let that stop you.”

 

Seungmin remembered what Jihyo had told him on the phone the other day. “Well, second isn’t bad! Think about all of the other people you beat. You’re good. I’m proud of you.”

 

Woojin looked up. They made eye contact. The older brother smiled very briefly, his cheeks tinged pink with a rare show of bashfulness. Maybe he _was_ human beneath all of the perfectionism? “What about _your_ tournament? What place did you come in? Oh, that’s right! You don’t play anything.”

 

Welp. They almost had a proper conversation. So much for Woojin being human.

 

“Scoot over,” Woojin said, “I’ll make omelettes and fry up some sausages.”

 

“I used the last of the eggs Wednesday,” Seungmin said, recalling the breading for the croquettes. He took the wok off the stove and used a ladle to scoop the vegetables onto a pan. He kept the stovetop hot because now it was time to work on the tofu.

 

“I went out and bought eggs last night,” Mom stated. By then, she had finished kneading her dough and was laying a damp towel over it to rest. “I’ll bring them to you.” She made her way to the fridge.

 

Woojin came up next to Seungmin at the stove with the frying pan. After fiddling with the stove knobs, he sat the pan down on the burner. He whispered to his brother, “So who is this other boy? Anyone I know?”

 

“Is Jihyo coming over tonight?” Seungmin gracefully dodged the question. “Do I need to rush home after school and make dinner again?”

 

Woojin took the bait. “We have plans to go out to eat tonight and then catch a movie. It’s the first evening in ages where I don’t have any tennis or school things to do.”

 

Mom wedged a shoulder between the two of them and held out a carton of a dozen eggs. “Don’t use them all,” she warned. “I need them for a cake I’m making. And no one is allowed to touch that cake. No one. Understand?” Woojin took the carton and popped it open.

 

“Okeydokey,” said Seungmin.

 

“Yes, Mom,” said Woojin. He confidently tapped an egg against the counter, cracking the shell, and then dropped it one-handed into the pan. He repeated this with each egg using satisfying, fluid movements.

 

Seungmin dropped the tofu cubes into the wok and spritzed them with teriyaki sauce, making them sing and sizzle. He slowly added a bit more sauce and then topped it all with seasoning as the tofu fried.

 

“Don’t take her to the restaurant on the pier again,” Seungmin advised him, picking up their conversation from before. “All she did when she got back was complain about how the wind messed up her hair. She didn’t even enjoy the food.”

 

“Noted. Any other good places to eat?”

 

“You should know I’m going to suggest the sushi restaurant.”

 

“I’ll take her to that Mediterranean place, then.”

 

Seungmin gave him a look. “Why ask if you don’t want the answer?”

 

“Okay. What about presents? What do you suggest?”

 

“She bought the new Sunmi palette when it came out earlier this week so don’t get her that.”

 

“I don’t even know what ‘that’ is.”

 

“It’s the mermaid one. Siren, I think.”

 

“I still don’t know what that is.”

 

Seungmin batted a lock of hair out of his face. Why were straight guys so clueless? “Oh yeah, I finished fixing her necklace so you should give it back to her today. I hung it off the lamp on my desk.”

 

Mom was in the living room now. The light from the television turned the walls bright blue. “There’s supposed to be quite the storm today. Take your umbrellas.”

 

Woojin lowered his voice and leaned close to his brother’s ear. “What about you? Is food all you’re going to give to your boy?”

 

“He’s not my boy. He’s not my anything.”

 

“Yet.”

 

Seungmin had to remember that they were talking about Minho here and he was only making lunch for him in the first place because he did not want to get proposed to again. “We’re barely friends.”

 

“Mmhmm,” hummed Woojin, clearly not buying it.

 

“Flip that omelette before you burn it,” Seungmin snapped with a sudden flare up of impatience.

 

Woojin turned back to the frying pan and cussed under his breath.

 

Seungmin cut off the burner he had been using and carried the wok away. He had to calm down and not let his brother’s pestering ruin his day before his day had even properly gotten started. He took a series of deep breaths as he sat the wok in the sink and ladled out the tofu. By the time he was done, he was calm and focused. Outside the window, the birds were waking up, filling the air with their beautiful chirping. Through the leaves of the trees, Seungmin could see that the sky was beginning to lighten with the first warm colors of sunrise. He felt much better now.

 

With the lunch basically prepared, all that was left was to box it.

 

They kept the bento boxes on the shelf above the fridge so he grabbed two and washed them out. First he spooned in the white rice. Then he carefully arranged the stir-fry next to it, layering the tofu on top. He left space for Mom’s bread but he still feared the box was quite empty. There needed to be something else but now he was running short on time.

 

“You can have the shower first,” Woojin offered, flipping the omelette again. He must have seen Seungmin staring at the clock.

 

Mom came back into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. She stirred in a hefty amount of cream. “We’ll take care of the rest, pumpkin. Don’t you fret.”

 

Seungmin didn’t like where this was going. “The rest of what?”

 

“Lunch,” Woojin piped up with a grin.

 

“For your sweetheart,” Mom chimed in. They both laughed.

 

“That’s not what this is,” Seungmin insisted, but Woojin escorted him out of the kitchen.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

The Kim family lived on the far northern edge of town with the hills starting practically in their backyard. It was the ideal location if you didn’t want to go anywhere but if you actually had a destination, it was quite the painful starting point. One had to go south quite a ways past the lighthouse and the beach to get to the town’s main roads but that alone was only good for the basic markets, the playground and the library. You had to go even farther south to the inlet and cross the drawbridge to get downtown and that was an almost half hour walk from the Kim house. Longer if the bridge was up and you had to wait or go around. Fortunately, most of the important places were right on the other side of the drawbridge: the movie theater, the music shop, the high school, the amusement park and all of the other touristy spots, the office where Mom worked, the shopping centers and restaurants. It was the busiest and most built up place in an otherwise relatively rural town. Any farther south and you hit the marina and the warehouse district and the fishing piers. In other words, nowhere important unless you were rich enough to own a boat.

 

Seungmin was making good time today, so even though the drawbridge was up, he did not mind waiting with the other morning commuters and students. Woojin, of course, had rode ahead on his bike so he hadn’t gotten stopped by the bridge. Seungmin leaned over the railing and let the morning sun beam across his face as he watched a big crabbing boat float past.

 

Today was going to be a good day. He could smell it on the wind. He could feel it in his bones!

 

The boat sailed past. The drawbridge lowered. Seungmin continued his walk at a slow, unhurried pace. At the intersection in front of the pier, he turned right and headed inland. He normally didn’t care too much about the contents of his backpack but, today, he was extra careful with it and didn’t do anything silly such as sprint like he would usually. His lunch was in there. And Minho’s, too, he supposed. When Woojin and Mom said they’d handle the rest of it, they’d gone overboard as Seungmin expected. Mom had added two rolls of her sweetheart bread and a short stack of chocolate bark pieces while Woojin had contributed two sizeable chunks of omelette and some grilled baby corn. Seungmin added the mini _gamjajeon_ himself.

 

It felt like he was walking on air and not just because he was moving so slow. Perhaps it was because the sky seemed to be the perfect shade of blue that made it feel like he was strolling over clouds? He started a poem:

 

“Joy is the jewel on a necklace with a broken clasp,” he vocalized. “The necklace won’t stop being beautiful because it can’t be worn the way you think. Tie the chain around your wrist instead.” Ehhh. Not bad, not bad. Good enough to post, at least. Seungmin pulled out his phone to put the snippet on his online journal.

 

That’s when he heard it.

 

An angel’s voice carried to him on the wind. Distant but unmistakable. Seungmin looked up.

 

Yes. Down the road, he could see Felix walking ahead of him. Who was that next to him? Changbin, it seemed like. They were both talking about something, their heads bent over the phone in Changbin’s hand.

 

Seungmin picked up his pace, walking faster and faster until he was nearly jogging.

 

He just needed to talk to Felix. He just needed to know if they could still be okay despite the red heart locker fiasco. Felix said they should be just friends but could they _be_ just friends? He got closer and closer to them and was soon able to distinguish their words:

 

“This one is really good,” Changbin was saying.

 

“I don’t know, man,” Felix groaned. “I don’t really understand stuff like this.”

 

“What’s not to understand? You just read it.”

 

“I’m reading it, I’m reading it! I just don’t _get_ it.”

 

Changbin frowned. “Well, just know that it’s amazing, okay? It makes me feel all hollowed-out on the inside and I mean that in a good way.”

 

“None of that makes sense to me,” Felix admitted. He had styled his hair differently today, Seungmin noticed. Less poodle curls, more structured and layered waves. It really brought out the shape of his face and the pretty roundness of his eyes, Seungmin thought dreamily. Then he remembered he was supposed to be trying to catch up to them not dally on behind them. He shook the thoughts from his head and sped back up.

 

The road they were on curved around a great big hill and only a little ways farther was the school. Changbin and Felix had a laugh about something and then they went their separate ways. Felix continued towards the school while Changbin dashed down the street in the direction of the convenience store.

 

Now was the time to strike!

 

Seungmin strolled towards Felix, following the boy to school. He should have called out for the boy’s attention but he was suddenly very nervous. To the point where his hands were beginning to shake. The last time the two of them had spoken to each other, Felix had turned him down rather bluntly, rather icily, in front of everyone. Seungmin still felt the sting of it and that didn’t exactly give him much confidence to approach Felix again but he kept walking regardless, his long-legged gait rapidly closing the distance between them.

 

He was close enough to give Felix a tap on the shoulder when someone else brushed past Seungmin and excitedly bounded up to the redhead. “Good morning, Felix,” the chipper voice called out.

 

Seungmin swallowed hard. That’s what _he_ had been about to say!

 

“Oh… Hey,” Felix replied to them. “Good morning.”

 

Dammit, why wasn’t Felix saying that to _him_?

 

“I saw the broadcast of that surf contest you were in last week.”

 

“Really?” Felix turned to look at them, his eyes wide with surprise. “I didn’t think anyone around here cared about that stuff.”

 

“That spin you did at the top of that one wave? _Brilliant_.”

 

Wait a second! Seungmin recognized that yapping voice!

 

Felix laughed. “It was an accident. Would you believe me if I said I almost fell off my board because of that?”

 

Jeongin let out an exaggerated “What?” and then he patted Felix’s arm in what must have been a reassuring gesture. “It was very smooth. I never would have guessed!”

 

Felix let out an embarrassed giggle. It was so cute! Seungmin realized he was getting distracted again. He had to step up before Jeongin got his gremlin claws any farther into Felix’s heart! “Hey, Felix!” Seungmin called out.

 

He watched Felix slowly turn as if to look behind him but Jeongin moved faster. Before Felix’s attention could slip away, Jeongin nudged the boy’s shoulder with his elbow and said, “Do you remember taking those golf classes back in middle school?”

 

“Yeah, man,” Felix turned back to Jeongin. “I hated that shit. How do you know that?”

 

“I was in that class, too. Do you remember me? I had shorter hair back then.” Jeongin pushed his dark hair away from his eyes and back over his forehead.

 

Recognition literally sparkled in Felix’s eyes. “Oh yeah! Jeongin, right?”

 

“Mmhmm. Everyone was afraid to get near you when you played because you always let go of your golf club when you swung.”

 

Felix threw his head back and laughed. “I remember now! I nearly got kicked out for that.”   

 

Then Jeongin looked over his shoulder dead at Seungmin, like he knew the boy had been watching, and… _snarled_. He bared his teeth like the angry little dog he was!

 

Seungmin was so shocked he stopped moving, causing a girl walking behind him to run square into his back.

 

This pleased Jeongin if that wicked little wink of his was any indication. He whipped his snarl into the brightest smile and beamed up at Felix when the redhead turned to look at him and then the two of them walked on, leaving Seungmin behind.

 

“Oh,” Seungmin said and then sucked on his teeth. He watched as Jeongin grabbed at Felix’s arm again and bumped their shoulders together as they laughed. Seungmin had almost forgotten that this was war... Like, _war_ -war not just war. His first instinct was to barrel up on them and force himself into the conversation but he realized that he knew next to nothing about athletics beyond the bare minimum of the rules of tennis and he definitely had not known Felix had been in a surfing competition. A televised one, at that! “It wasn’t in town, then,” Seungmin reasoned. “No wonder I didn’t know.” But he couldn’t give up. Jeongin wanted him to be discouraged so he should not let himself fall into such an easy trap. Seungmin racked his brain. What else did Felix like? Studying! It sounded silly but it was the truth. Felix was top of the class. At least coming from a more academic direction, Seungmin had an advantage. He was in the same class as Felix which meant that he could talk about class things that Jeongin, not even being in the same year, would have no clue about. His drive renewed, Seungmin charged right on up to the two boys just as they were turning the corner and passing through the school gates. Like Mom had did with him and his brother that morning, he put his shoulder between Jeongin and Felix and squeezed himself into the discussion. “Good morning, Felix,” he said in as bright and not-awkward of a voice as he could muster.

 

Felix, spooked by his sudden arrival, said nothing for a long, tense second before he regained his composure. “Ahh, Seungmin! What’s up, man?”

 

Jeongin dug his nails into Seungmin’s arm. Seungmin ignored him. “I was wondering if you did the homework for math? Did you want to go over it together? I’m not sure I get it.”

 

This spooked Felix a second time. “Dammit, you’re right! We had those problems in the textbook to do. I forgot!” His eyes got wide and panicked. “Look, guys, I gotta go.” He didn’t even wait for a response as he was already pulling away and darting up the main stairs like something was after him.

 

Shit. Seungmin had just wanted to copy his homework!

 

Jeongin dug his nails into Seungmin’s arm even harder which made Seungmin howl in pain. “Good heckin’ move,” Jeongin declared. “Send him fleeing with the threat of schoolwork.”

 

That hadn’t been Seungmin’s intentions at all but Jeongin didn’t need to know that. “You were excellent as well by digging up such a fragile past connection. Golf class? Pssh.”

 

“Oh, you think you’ve got something better?”

 

“O-of c-course!” But Seungmin didn’t.

 

“Like what?”

 

“I know his favorite hangout spot and what he likes to snack on between classes.”

 

“Really? Prove it.”

 

Seungmin wasn’t going to fall for that. “Why would I help my rival?”

 

A smug smile tugged at the corner of Jeongin’s mouth. “I should be intimidated since you get to spend the day in class with him but,” he looked Seungmin up and down, “I feel like you won’t take full advantage.”

 

Oooh, for such a little snake, his venom was potent! “Are you saying you’re not afraid of me?”

 

Jeongin answered by squeezing Seungmin’s arm even tighter.

 

“Shit. Let go, you little tyrant!” Seungmin swatted at the boy’s hand until Jeongin let him free.

 

“If you want me to be afraid then show me what you’ve got.” And with such icy words, Jeongin shoved his hands in his pockets and started up the stairs.

 

Seungmin wanted to kick him in the ass. He started up the stairs to do it.

 

As if sensing his intentions, Jeongin turned around and the sudden eye contact made Seungmin stop in his tracks. A sharp gust of wind blew which just added to the dramatic stand-off. Jeongin tilted his head back and stared down his nose at Seungmin. With a condescending scoff, he said, “You can always give up.”

 

“Never,” Seungmin replied with every fiber of his being. He wouldn’t give up until he’d put this chickenhead in his place!

 

The wind suddenly changed directions, blowing back out to sea with quite some force. If either boy turned to look, they would have seen the coal-black storm clouds just starting to peek out over the horizon.

 

Jeongin simply said, “Good,” and then resumed his ascent up the stairs.

 

Seungmin exhaled deeply. That whole confrontation had gotten him more wound up than he expected. His chest still felt tight. This was all brand new to him. Liking Felix was supposed to be a quiet, fluffy thing that Seungmin did by himself in the corner of the classroom. Liking Felix was something he’d only ever told Jisung about. Sure, he had claimed he would tell Felix his feelings multiple times and, of course, he had written dozens of letters on the topic, but he had kept them all because he was too afraid. Now everyone knew Seungmin liked Felix and that Felix had turned him down. Now Seungmin had to fight over Felix against an evil little prawn of an underclassman! It was all a bit much to handle and Seungmin wasn’t even sure if he was going about this correctly. How did you participate in a love war? How did you keep score? Just earlier, he hadn’t actually been _trying_ to run Felix off but if it kept the boy out of Jeongin’s clutches, Seungmin wondered if he could call that a win.

 

He steeled his resolve and made his way up the stairs. It was time to fight back.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It took ten minutes of first period for Seungmin to realize two things:

  1. Math still sucked and would always suck.
  2. Jisung wasn’t at school today and was not replying to texts.



 

With no one to talk to or laugh with or sneak snacks with, math class crawled by slower than a snail making its way through molasses. There were times where it felt like hours had passed but when Seungmin checked the clock, it had only been fifteen seconds since he’d last looked.

 

He thought he had suffered in this class enough weeks to know true boredom but, no, whatever he had experienced before paled in comparison to this.

 

His best and only friend wasn’t here to distract him, the math teacher droned on and on in an unfeeling monotone, and holy fuck, he had been so caught up preparing food that morning that he forgot to _bring his manga_ ! Ugh. How could he be so dumb. This was worse than forgetting his keys. He had gotten all the way up to Volume Three of the manga and the ‘will they won’t they’ of the romance was driving him bonkers. A mixed signal here, a missed message there. Let’s meet up, oh wait, I have to cancel at the last second but, no, now I’m here and surprising you with a gift but, oh look, you’re hanging out with a completely different boy! It made his heart race. The furtive glances and adoring smiles when the other wasn’t looking! The arm touches and the head patting and the pinky promises. Honestly, it sounded silly but Seungmin was having the time of his life wishing that even half of that cute shit was happening to him. He wanted to be at home reading the manga but instead, he was stuck in math class feeling like he was stranded on a rock in the middle of the ocean slowly dying of thirst. He had nothing to do. This was torture. Cruel and unusual punishment. An infringement on human rights! Without Jisung’s big ass head to block the teacher’s view, Seungmin couldn’t even get on his phone without getting caught. In fact, Seungmin had so little to do that he almost did something dangerous like _pay attention in class_! What he was feeling right now was complete and total boredom. Not regular boredom but the real stuff. An absolute absence of emotion and thought. Seungmin had transcended above all earthly feeling to rise into an experience of true nothingness. He had reached Bored-vana.

 

In his new enlightened state, he almost didn’t feel it.

 

An icy sensation on the back of his head. He sat up straight in his chair, thinking it was just a chill in the air but, no, this was a concentrated feeling aimed directly at him like laser beams. He was being stared at. By something relatively dangerous and high-level. It was like being in an action RPG with low health and no healing items and hearing the battle music start up but it was not clear which direction the enemy was about to attack from.

 

Seungmin whirled around in his chair.

 

The desk immediately behind him had always sat empty after Chaeyoung transferred away. The only other person behind him, two rows back, was Hyunjin and his eyes had darted down to the textbook on his desk right as Seungmin turned to look. He had _just_ been staring at Seungmin, he was sure of it. Or… maybe not? Hyunjin seemed to be actively scribbling down something in his notebook so it was possible he had just been looking up at the blackboard and not at Seungmin.

 

Hmmmm. Suspicious. Seungmin faced forward and glanced at the board but he was unable to make heads or tails of any of the letters and numbers and squiggly lines that were probably parenthesis. He couldn’t read it not just because he’d given up on math but also due to the teacher’s handwriting being plain shit.

 

Whatever. It’s not like he was going to study anyways.

 

Seungmin tried to obtain Bored-vana again, staring at the clock but allowing his eyes to go unfocused. He tuned out the teacher’s lecturing and allowed himself to be lulled into a half-asleep state by the noise of scritching pencils and squeaky chairs. _What is the sound of one hand clapping_ , he asked himself repeatedly, hoping to slip back into the grayness where space-time went out of whack. Ahhh. There. Now he was back in that zen-like place. In his mind, he had climbed to the summit of a mountain. Around him was nothing but the tops of clouds, glimmering stars and a golden, shining light.

 

Sitting on the rock in front of him was an old, white-haired guru in a long and flowing gray robe. His skin was leathery and pale and his face was wizened and half-covered by an unkempt beard. The guru sat cross-legged with his eyes closed yet he could see all. Seungmin kneeled before him, ready to accept the knowledge that could only come from one so wise and powerful. ‘O guru who has ascended the mountain,’ Seungmin intoned, ‘I have survived this perilous climb and have reached the summit. I beg you! Please find me worthy of the secrets of the universe.’

 

The guru opened his mouth, ‘If Jeongin trips and falls in the forest but no one is around to hear, does he still make a sound?’

 

The question swirled through Seungmin’s head. He could feel the words reaching into him and unlocking the full potential of his mind. ‘Yes,’ Seungmin replied with all of his newfound brainpower. ‘He also starts crying.’

 

‘Yes, child of the earth. Now you understand,’ the guru stated. ‘Approach me and I will share with you the meaning of life.’

 

Seungmin stood up and walked towards the golden light that seemed to emanate from the guru himself.

 

The guru opened his eyes. Such a simple action resulted in quite a reaction. A wild hurricane wind blew over the summit, knocking rocks askew and causing the clouds to break apart and reveal the emptiness of deep space beneath them. Seungmin slipped and nearly lost his balance but he stood back up and continued to approach the guru, even as the wind threatened to push him over. The old man’s irises were tiny galaxies. Swirls of stardust and multicolored planets. In their depths was millions of lights, millions of souls and hopes and dreams and lives. Promises. Seungmin thought that if he could peer into them for a little while longer, if he could just get a slightly better grasp of what he was looking at, then he would _understand_ everything. His problems would be solved. His future would be worked out. His regrets would vanish. The path he needed to take would become apparent. In spite of the howling wind, Seungmin managed to get close enough to the old man to grab hold of his sleeve.

 

‘Tell me,’ Seungmin shouted over the wind. ‘Tell me everything. I need to know. I need to have a clue.’

 

The guru started to speak but before he could impart any world-shattering secrets, the entire mountain flipped sideways and sent Seungmin hurtling through space.

 

Seungmin jolted awake just in time to throw out his arms and catch himself before he hit the floor face-first. “Shit,” he hissed under his breath as he landed. He laid there on the classroom tiles for several seconds before he put the puzzle pieces together and realized he had dozed off and, in the process, had taken a tumble out of his chair.

 

He also realized that everyone in the class had spun around at the noise he’d made. They looked down on him. Literally, because he was on the floor. Some of them held their pencils in their hands, frowning at yet another interruption from the weird kid. Some looked amused. Entertained. A few looked like they had just been asleep themselves and were thankful that attention had fallen elsewhere. Regardless, all of them seemed to be judging him.

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin apologized. He attempted to sit up but his body still felt half-asleep and numb.

 

It was dead quiet in the room for the briefest moment before there was the tiniest, featherlight giggle. No, it wasn’t the booming, heavenly bells of Felix’s laughter. This was something quieter. Barely audible. Almost as if it had wanted to stay hidden.

 

Seungmin turned his head in the direction of the sound to discover that Hyunjin was the source. The boy had his chin propped up on his hand and was watching Seungmin with an emotion other than blizzard-cold annoyance on his face. Huh? What was that face he was making? What expression was that? Holy fuckballs. He was… _smiling_? Seungmin was absolutely positive that he’d never seen the dude smile before. A smile from Hyunjin was something impossible. Unthinkable. Hyunjin was usually always scowling so to see him smile felt a little… forbidden. Seungmin could feel the fabric of the universe coming undone at the seams.

 

Why was Hyunjin smiling _at him_?

 

Before he had too much time to think about it, the math teacher was standing over him, leering down at him like a bird of prey ready to swoop down on a powerless rodent. “Go stand in the hall, Seungmin,” he instructed, tapping his ruler against his open palm. “Maybe then you’ll wake up and be more aware of your surroundings.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Felix, Changbin and Minho always sat at the table next to the cafeteria’s big window at lunchtime but even if Seungmin didn’t know that, even if he were blindfolded, he could find the trio in any crowd through sound alone. Not because he was a bat with spectacular echolocation but because the three boys were rowdy and louder than everyone else, always hollering “Oyyyyy” like pilot whales singing to each other.

 

Seungmin suddenly wanted to record a nature documentary on them.

 

_Here we have the small but ferocious Seo Changbin in his natural habitat…_

 

“Hey, you guys,” Seungmin greeted them as he walked up to their table.

 

They didn’t hear him.

 

“--and you aren’t moving fast enough and the wave comes crashing over your head,” Felix was saying. “That’s scary as shit. You’re getting tossed around under the wave like a piece of trash.”

 

“That’s nothing,” Minho responded, smacking extra hard on his food. “What about falling off a wave? You’re just flying and flying and then you go _smack_ into the water. That shit’s scary because you know it’s gonna hurt.”

 

Changbin spoke up. “What’s even scarier is seeing a shark in the distance.”

 

“Hey,” Seungmin tried again. He even waved.

 

The conversation didn’t slow. “No way. You really saw a shark out here, man?” Felix’s eyes were all wide and full of curiosity and pretty. “I’d love to see one.”

 

Minho pointed at him. “Would you? Really?”

 

“I swear to you. One got really close to me. A year or so ago,” Changbin said. “I saw the fin. Thought it was a rock before I saw that it was moving. I almost lost my shit. I thought I was going to die.”

 

“Bet you got out of the water real quick,” Minho snorted.

 

“I turned into Jesus and walked across it. Best believe.”

 

Seungmin exhaled through his nose. He couldn’t squeeze himself into their conversation. It was just like watching Jeongin and Felix chat that morning. It was a bubble he couldn’t be a part of. Seungmin sat Minho’s lunch box on the corner of the table and was about to walk away when Minho reached out a hand and grabbed him by the wrist.

 

“You’re gonna leave without saying anything?” Minho wondered.

 

“I said several things,” Seungmin said, pulling his hand free of Minho’s grasp.

 

“Why don’t you sit down?” Minho offered. He pointed a finger at the empty chair across from him.

 

Seungmin gulped. “That’s fine. I don’t mind sitting where I usually do.”

 

“But Jisung’s not here today. You’ll be sitting alone and that’s lame,” said Minho.

 

That was true. But it was either sit alone or sit next to his crush who seemed to be going out of his way to avoid eye contact. Seungmin said, “I’m okay.” A tense second trickled past before it became obvious that the subject needed to be changed.

 

“Is that food,” Changbin asked. He was already reaching for the box.

 

“I told you I would make you something,” Seungmin reminded Minho.

 

“Oh! I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” Minho snatched the box out of Changbin’s clutches.

 

Seungmin frowned. “As dramatic as you got, why wouldn’t I take you seriously?”

 

“Dude’s like that all of the time,” said Felix, waving a dismissive hand. He finally looked in Seungmin’s direction. “He functions at an eleven when he should be at a five. If our school had a drama department, he’d be in it.”

 

Changbin nodded in agreement. “I barely listen to anything he says these days.”

 

“So I shouldn’t be concerned about the marriage proposal?” Seungmin asked.

 

He expected surprise but neither Changbin nor Felix reacted. “Minho’s married to everyone,” Changbin said after a moment. “He even proposed to the dean once.”

 

“That old lady?” Seungmin asked, shocked.

 

“How many children did he give you?” asked Felix.

 

“Ten,” Seungmin replied.

 

“What? He only gave me two,” huffed Changbin. “Do you live with him in a mansion with a team of maids?”

 

Seungmin tried to remember. “On a big farm with a lot of firewood that needs chopping.”

 

“Ten kids is a lot,” Felix belatedly realized.

 

“He’s never gotten down on one knee before, though,” Changbin recalled.

 

Minho took a sip of his milk. “What can I say? I just found who I really want to settle down with.”

 

Seungmin realized that Minho was referring to _him_. “Just eat your food.”

 

“Just sit down,” insisted Minho.

 

It was one of those situations where it would be more awkward to continue to refuse the offer so Seungmin pulled the chair out and settled in at the table next to Felix. He took a few moments to pull out his own lunchbox.

 

When Minho opened the one Seungmin gave him and revealed the colorful meal inside, all three surfer boys gasped.

 

“Looks amazing,” Changbin commented, practically foaming at the mouth.

 

“You made all of this?” Felix’s eyebrows shot up. He leaned over the table to get a better look.

 

“I had help from my mother and brother,” Seungmin admitted. The fact that they were fussing and fawning over the food like this made him feel a little shy. “You gonna try it or not?”

 

Minho grabbed his chopsticks and immediately started digging in, scooping up rice and vegetables. Changbin nabbed a cube of tofu and popped it into his mouth. “Delicious,” they both said at the same time.

 

“You don’t have to ham it up,” Seungmin grunted.

 

“It’s the truth. It’s really good,” Changbin said.

 

Felix grabbed one of the sweetheart bread buns out of Minho’s lunchbox, decided that the whole thing was too much for him to eat and began to pull it apart.

 

Seungmin remembered the story his Mom told him about the treat, about how it was meant to be shared with the one you really like. How it was supposed to be good luck in a relationship. “Wait,” he called out, holding up a hand. “Don’t pull that apart!”

 

It was too late. Felix had already done it. He looked over at Seungmin with his wide, twinkling eyes. “Huh? Why not?” He held out the other half of the bread to Changbin who started to reach out and grab it.

 

“Hold on. Don’t take that!” Seungmin attempted.

 

Again, it was too late. Changbin was already chomping on it. With his voice muffled by the mouthful of food, he asked, “Is something wrong with it? Is it poisoned?”

 

“No. It’s just--”

 

“Oh,” Minho exclaimed. “This is sweetheart bread. You pull it apart and share it with your sweetheart.”

 

An awkward silence settled over the table.

 

When several seconds passed, Felix dropped his chunk of bread onto Changbin’s lunch tray and wiped his hands like he was thankful to be rid of it.

 

Changbin took offense to that. “What,” he huffed. “You think I’m ugly or something?” His tone was playful and lighthearted, however.

 

Felix shook his head. “It’s not that. I just don’t like cooked fruit, man. It’s a thing of mine.”

 

“That’s the weirdest thing to not like,” Changbin told him.

 

“There’s just something about the texture, man. I can’t stand it.” Felix returned his attention to his school lunch.

 

Seungmin looked across the table at Minho. “How do you know that’s sweetheart bread?” As far as he was concerned, his mother had made it all up.

 

“My dad talks about it all of the time,” explained Minho. He grabbed the remaining bun out of his lunchbox and admired the golden brown crust. “One of his coworkers brings some in like every other week and he swears it’s helped his dating life.”

 

Seungmin bit his bottom lip. “Just be careful, ok?” Because what if it _worked_?

 

“Who believes in all that kiddy sweetheart shit anyway,” Felix asked, clearly tired of the topic. “It’s just food, man.”

 

“I do,” Minho said seriously. “I believe in it.” He pulled apart the bread, revealing the berry jam filling, and handed one of the halves out to Seungmin.

 

Seungmin stared at the offered treat for a long second and then stared at Minho’s hopeful face. He had to remember that Minho was the attractive type who knew he was attractive and, thus, dicked around like that to get people to like him. Minho had tried his flirty tactics on the dean, for crying out loud. Seungmin swatted the bread half away. “I have my own, thanks. You can keep that.”

 

“Ouch,” Minho whined. “You’re breaking my heart over here.”

 

“Aren’t you everyone’s sweetheart anyway,” Seungmin shot back.

 

“I’ll change my ways for you,” stated Minho in a dramatic, exaggerated voice. “If it’s for you, I’ll be totally anonymous.”

 

“I think you mean _monogamous_.” Changbin elbowed Minho in the side.

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes and put his attention on Felix. “If you don’t believe in sweetheart bread, do you at least believe in fate?” It was unclear if Felix had heard. The red-haired boy was too caught up in his meal to even look up.

 

“Fate is real,” said Minho, still at it. “I believe it brought us together.” He made a grab for Seungmin’s hand.

 

“Good grief,” said Seungmin. He flicked Minho on the forehead with his finger and the boy let out an over the top shout of pain before falling over onto the table like he had been knocked unconscious.

 

Changbin, too used to the boy’s dramatics, simply used this as a chance to steal all of the corn out of the lunchbox.

 

The act of thievery reminded Seungmin of Jeongin’s dirty move that morning, swooping in to steal Felix’s attention right when Seungmin wanted it most. He turned to look at Felix as the boy slurped his noodles, oblivious. This was war, he remembered, and war required stepping out of your comfort zone. “Hey, Felix,” Seungmin called out.

 

“Yeah,” Felix asked.

 

“Did you want to hang out Saturday afternoon?”

 

“I don’t know, man. I’ve made plans.”

 

Seungmin frowned. He couldn’t stop now or he’d lose his nerve! “What about Sunday?”

 

Felix finally looked up. He chewed his food voraciously as he pondered his response. “I don’t think I’m busy Sunday. Did you want to go to the beach?”

 

 _No_ , Seungmin thought, _because Minho and Changbin or anyone else can go to the beach. I want to just be with you._ “We should see a movie.”

 

“Cool, dude,” Felix complied. He had responded far too quickly. Perhaps he didn’t realize that this was supposed to be a date?

 

“Are you going to go see that horror movie with the priests?” Changbin butted in, excitedly slapping his hand down on the table.

 

Minho sat up. “Dude, let’s go to one of the late-night showings!”

 

“Hell yeah,” Felix agreed. “I saw some reviews for that and it’s supposed to be the scariest shit ever!”

 

And just like that, Seungmin had lost control over the situation. “Guys,” he said.

 

“Did you guys see that one about the cave a few months back?” Changbin asked.

 

“Yeah. I saw it,” Felix stated.

 

Around a mouth full of food, Minho mumbled, “What? No. When was this? Why didn’t we see it together?”

 

“Guys,” Seungmin attempted. Was it possible to be a _fourth_ wheel? “I was only asking…”

 

“I thought that one sucked, though,” commented Felix. “Too much talking and not enough jumpscares.”

 

“Horror movies don’t just have to make you jump in your seat. There has to be plenty of other kinds of tension.”

 

“Yeah, like those Saw movies that are nothing but blood and guts? Boring. I just watch those while I eat dinner sometimes.”

 

“You can eat food while watching those kinds of movies?”

 

“Of course. Why not? Are you saying that you can’t?”

 

“Isn’t it gross, dude? Don’t you want to hurl?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Guys,” Seungmin tried again. “I just wanted it to be me and Felix.”

 

The conversation spun on without him. Seungmin tried to get a word in but every time he opened his mouth to speak, someone else beat him to the punch. The three surfer friends talked over each other, in and around each other. Their words came rapid-fire and it was tough for Seungmin to keep up and since they weren’t really including him anyways, he just gave up, sat quietly in his chair and ate his lunch.

 

“What about that one that’s set in the asylum? Isn’t that one still in theaters? We should see that one, too. Make it a double feature.”

 

“We’re going on Sunday, right? We can’t stay out late. There’s school.”

 

“And I won’t be able to sleep afterwards.”

 

“So which one should we see? The asylum one?”

 

“Those kinds of movies make me so uncomfortable, though.”

 

“All the more reason to see it.”

 

“No. I mean _uncomfortable_. I don’t like them, dude. It’s a thing of mine.”

 

“Oh okay. We’ll stick with the priest one, then.”

 

“Nothing wrong with a good exorcism flick.”

 

“Where should we meet up? At the theater?”

 

Outside, thunder boomed. Seungmin tuned out their conversation, looked out of the window and watched as it started to rain.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

School let out for the day.

 

Seungmin stood at the top of the main stairs, hiding beneath the small amount of shelter there was beneath the roof.

 

He hissed, “Shit shit shit shit.”

 

Rain poured down in cold sheets. The wind whipped through the trees and howled between buildings, sending trash and tree limbs skittering across the streets.

 

“Shit shit shit.”

 

From school, he could usually see clear to the hills in the distance but the storm reduced visibility and now he could barely spot the shapes of the downtown buildings through the downpour. The storm was supposed to last until the late evening. He couldn’t wait it out.

 

His phone beeped with a notification. He checked it. It was Woojin finally replying to him.

 

> Sorry bro. I caught a ride with Jihyo’s parents.

 

“Shit,” Seungmin groaned in frustration and stared up at the dark and cloudy sky. His brother was useless, as usual. Now how was he going to get home?

 

This was all his fault. He vaguely recalled Mom saying something about a storm that morning, something about bringing umbrellas. Seungmin hadn’t listened. Or rather he had listened but he had forgotten. His umbrella was at home and now he was forced to stand at the top of the stairs and watch as his schoolmates brushed past him and darted off into the rain. Some grumbled and complained. Others squealed excitedly as they hopped over the steadily growing puddles. What they had in common, though, were umbrellas. White ones, clear ones, striped ones, red ones, yellow ones. Umbrellas, umbrellas, umbrellas. Everywhere. The objects dipped and bobbed across the school yard and through the main gate like creatures out of a Studio Ghibli film.

 

And Seungmin felt like he was the only person on campus who had not brought one that day.

 

He stared at his phone, wondering who else he could ask. It actually shamed him how abruptly short his phone’s contact list was. Mom would still be at work. Jisung hadn’t answered any of his texts all day and was probably home sick or something. If Woojin had caught a ride with Jihyo, she was at home already, most likely. Nearly everyone else were distant relatives or online friends that he’d never actually met in real life.

 

Thunder rumbled. The wind changed directions and sent a light mist of rain across his body.

 

“Dammit, whatever,” Seungmin surrendered. “If I die, I die!” He shoved his phone in his pocket, readjusted his backpack over his shoulders and started towards the stairs. If he got soaked, whatever. If he got sick, whatever!

 

Seungmin reached the top stair. He had walked far enough from under the school roof that he should have started getting wet from the rain yet ...he wasn’t getting drenched. He paused. Confused and mildly afraid.

 

His first thought was that he had learned the ability to surround himself with a waterproof forcefield. His second thought was that his karma had changed and some divine caretaker watching from above the clouds had taken pity on him and would keep the rain off of his shoulders on the long walk home. His third thought was to look up.

 

He did.

 

Right above his head was a black umbrella.

 

Seungmin turned around. Standing next to him, with the tiniest smile on his face, was Hwang Hyunjin.


	7. In Which Mom Misunderstands

“Yeah, I know that it’s probably crazy

But I need you to call me your baby

Even if you have to fake it.”

 

Good Vibes by Alma

 

For a moment, all Seungmin could do was stare. Not in wonder or amazement but in shock. Was he imagining things? Had a little bit of the fantasy world that constantly played inside his head leaked out? No. That couldn’t be right. As possible as that was, why would Seungmin ever daydream of Hyunjin of all people?

 

Why couldn’t this be Felix standing in front of him!?

 

 _This is just like the scene at the end of Volume Two_ , Seungmin thought of his new favorite manga series. He could picture it now:

 

The protagonist stands at the top of a grassy hill, colorful flowers swaying in the spring breeze at her ankles. Although her long, straight hair billows in the wind and falls across her face, she lets it. Her hands are clenched at her sides. Happy tears sparkle in the corner of her eyes. Her chest aches with longing as her childhood friend’s words echo in her mind: “I’ve loved you all of this time. Ever since we were young.” They were words that thrilled her, moved her to joyful tears.

 

A voice calls her name. She opens her eyes and gazes into the golden afternoon distance where a silhouette approaches her, surrounded by a swirl of cherry blossom petals. Realization lights up her face. It’s the hot guy. The popular guy. The one so unattainable and unapproachable yet here he was, walking directly towards her with a quiet smile on his face. Stars in his eyes as if she were the most beautiful, precious thing in the world. “I’ve finally found you,” he says, running a long-fingered hand through his swoopy hair. “And I’ve been meaning to tell you that… I love you.”

 

The protagonist gasps. Her stomach flips. Feelings both hot and cold clash inside of her. She wants to scream. She wants to escape. See wants to jump up and down with pure happiness. Joy slips away and is replaced by shock but then, at the end of it all, there’s pain. Dark. Solid. It feels as if her whole world is opening up beneath her like a sinkhole. She should be happy. She really should. This is everything she ever wanted after all, but… “You’re too late,” she tells him seriously. She opens her fist and holds up her hand to reveal the childhood keepsake, worn from the passage of time but still dear to her heart, pressed into her palm. “I’ve already accepted _his_ feelings.”

 

And we all know who ‘he’ is.

 

And then that was how the volume ended! The book just stopped right there!

 

Seungmin had nearly thrown a fit when he’d read that part the other day. That whole night, whenever he shut his eyes, all he could think of was the last panel of the manga, the protagonist’s open hand and the cute little keychain resting on top of her palm. The keychain she had gotten from her father ten years ago, the one she thought she had lost! The childhood friend had kept it the whole time, holding on to it as a way to remember her when she moved away. That tiny little trinket held ten years of his affections and his wishes.

 

Such a long-lasting love was tragic and powerful but it was so so so _wrong_! Who cares what he thought! Who cares how he felt! The protagonist was supposed to be with the hot guy. He had given up everything for her. Why couldn’t she see that?

 

Perhaps he was going a bit overboard like members of the Kim family were wont to do, but to him it felt like he had been swept up into the pages of that manga himself, staring at the crazy sequence of events in front of him helplessly as the reader flipped the pages. The path should have been clear. The right choice should have been obvious. If it were him, he’d go with the hot guy. Childhood friend be damned.

 

Yet everything was going terribly

terribly

terribly wrong.

 

“Good evening,” Seungmin said, even though it was too early in the afternoon for that. Lightning arced across the sky. Rain poured down. Around them, the courtyard was emptying as the last of the students fled through the school gates and out into town. “Can I take your order?”

 

Hyunjin watched him for a moment. He didn’t say anything or do anything. He just watched.

 

Seungmin looked away, not liking where this was going. “If you want my lunch money, you should probably demand it _before_ lunch.”

 

Thunder rumbled. The wind changed directions.

 

“I don’t want to take anything from you,” Hyunjin mumbled.

 

 _This time_ , Seungmin finished in his head. It was easy to remember all of the other times. He stared out across the wet, muddy courtyard towards the main gate and then gasped. Something caught his eye. For a second, he thought he was seeing things. He assumed wishful thinking was playing with his eyesight and making him see what he wanted even when it wasn’t there but, no, there was Felix. He, Changbin and Minho had just pushed open the front door of the convenience store across the street and were now fighting the wind with their umbrellas, laughing at each other as they darted up the sidewalk, freshly-purchased ponchos on and plastic bags full of snacks in their hands.

 

Seungmin took a step forward to try to catch up to them but something heavy blocked his way.

 

He looked down.

 

Hyunjin’s hand was pressed against his chest, holding him back.

 

Seungmin fearfully looked up at him. He was not at all prepared to fight.

 

But… “Did you want me to walk with you,” Hyunjin asked softly, his voice nearly lost beneath the pounding of the rain. “For the umbrella, I mean?”

 

It was the most ridiculous thing Seungmin had ever heard. Like a prank gone wrong. A joke taken too far. He was so caught off-guard he nearly laughed from nerves. “You don’t live near me,” he said in an attempt to decline the offer.

 

“That’s okay. I don’t mind.”

 

This was very confusing. Seungmin looked away from him once more. Felix, Changbin and Minho had all but disappeared up the street, their matching frog umbrellas vanished up the road, around the hill and into the downpour. Seungmin turned back to Hyunjin. The guy was usually always mean and icy and scowling, getting into brawls on campus and collecting disciplinary referrals like Seungmin collected light novels. So why was it that he was behaving nothing like that now?

 

Again, he tried to persuade the boy, “I live very far.” Inconveniently far. The other side of town far. _Please go away_ far.

 

Hyunjin’s hand had been on Seungmin’s chest this whole time, keeping him away from the stairs, but at last he lowered his hand. There was a look on his face that seemed like acceptance, like he was about to give up and walk away, but instead he said, even more firmly, “That’s okay.”

 

Seungmin was at a loss. He had tried everything yet was still here.

 

If he were the protagonist of a contemporary romance manga who always seemed to wind up in the center of a love triangle, there would be the ideal partner and the unlikely matchup. Yet Hyunjin was neither of these things. If anything, he was a background character whose face never got drawn in completely by the illustrators. So why was he the one offering an umbrella? Why was _he_ the one willing to escort Seungmin through the rain?

 

“Fine,” Seungmin gave in. It was either accept walking with him or be left alone at the top of the stairs while the storm continued on.

 

Hyunjin smiled. Not very widely. Barely perceptible.

 

It should have been a heartwarming gesture but it did nothing but send shivers up Seungmin’s spine. The bad kind of shivers. He hastily turned away and started down the stairs. All he had to do was survive the next half hour and then he would be okay.

 

Quickly, Hyunjin followed behind him, diligently keeping the umbrella above both of their heads and preventing the majority of the rain from falling on them. Shoulder to shoulder, they crossed the school courtyard, exited the main gate and turned up the road headed north.

 

They walked a block without saying anything to each other. Two blocks. Three. Seungmin wouldn’t say that the silence between them was awkward but he definitely wouldn’t turn that on its head and say that the quiet was _comfortable_ either. They just… didn’t speak to each other. As simple as that. Two people existing in the same space. He said nothing because he was trying very hard not to say anything. Hyunjin said nothing because he usually didn’t say anything anyway. And that’s how it was. To his credit, Hyunjin handled the umbrella quite expertly. He tilted it forward or to the side whenever the wind switched directions so that he could keep the rain off of their faces. Every now and then, he would change the umbrella from one hand to the other and would shift from Seungmin’s left side to his right side accordingly. He even used the lightest touch on Seungmin’s shoulder to guide him around particularly deep puddles in the sidewalk. Seungmin didn’t like this one bit. There was too much familiarity here and he hated that they were even matching pace like they did this sort of thing all of the time instead of being the sworn enemies they were just last week.

 

Shit.

 

On either side of them, the tall downtown buildings reached up to the dark gray sky. Around the corner was the candy shop where the old lady could spin sugar into the most intricate and structural shapes. Across the road was the bike shop where Woojin had bought his behemoth. Through that alley was the bookstore. If Seungmin were walking with Jisung, he would have asked if they could make a pit stop. Rain or no rain. He was invested in this series now, emotionally and financially, so he definitely wanted to pick up a few more volumes of the manga even though he still had a good half dozen to read at home already. But… Jisung wasn’t here and the last thing Seungmin wanted to do was spend even more time with Hyunjin than he had to. Hell, he definitely didn’t want to spazz out about a cheesy romance manga in front of him. The guy would probably hate him for real… but maybe that was a good thing.

 

Aha! This was actually genius. Seungmin smiled as the plan came together in his head. Go to the bookstore, morph into his true otaku form like he was a werewolf beneath a full moon, and then scare Hyunjin away. It was foolproof! He was just about to make the suggestion for them to stop when Hyunjin asked out of the blue, “Are you okay?”

 

“Huh?” Seungmin blinked up at him. He hoped that he hadn’t said anything outrageous or had made any strange noises while lost in thought.

 

That must not have been the case, though. Hyunjin went on, “You fell out of your chair in math. Are you okay?”

 

“Oh!” Seungmin had actually forgotten about that. Such things happened to him often enough that the embarrassment all kind of blurred together in his head. “I’m good. I just… didn’t get enough sleep.” He recalled waking up at asscrack o’clock that morning to cook. Seungmin expected Hyunjin to keep going, to keep asking questions and turn this into a--gasp!-- _conversation_ , but he momentarily forgot who he was dealing with. This wasn’t Jisung or someone like Changbin. Being talkative wasn’t in his nature. Hyunjin said nothing else, didn’t even look his way, but loyally followed a half-step behind Seungmin as they walked out of the city center and towards the more rural area of town.

 

The road took them close to the coastline. Seungmin peeped over the guardrail to catch a glimpse of the gray, churning ocean. Off in the distance, he spotted the beacon of the lighthouse. Home was in that direction but he knew it was farther away than it looked. They still had quite the walk. Up ahead of them, the drawbridge was thankfully down. On the other side of the road, a car sped past, tires hissing on the wet road. Seungmin stopped them at the last intersection before the bridge. He was going to try one more time.

 

“You don’t have to walk me the rest of the way,” he stated, trying to make the decision sound clear and final. Instead, his voice came out sounding timid and croaky. He blamed it on the fact that he was getting cold.

 

Hyunjin spoke with the conviction that Seungmin couldn’t muster. “It’s no problem. I want to.”

 

Ugh. Why was he being so _helpful_? Was he some knight in shining armor? Was his white horse nearby? Seungmin was almost tempted to look around for it but there was no time. The sooner he was home, the faster he could flop on his bed with the last of Mom’s sweetheart bread and finish Volume Three. He led the way across the drawbridge and out to the edge of town. He picked up his pace, becoming acutely aware of how long their commute had taken them already. Hyunjin kept up with him but that meant that the two of them continuously bumped shoulders. Seungmin tried not to think about it.

 

Normally, he had a view of the beach and the pier from here but the rain was coming down too hard for him to see much past the palm trees. Glowing like a treasure chest, the lighthouse was getting closer and closer, practically leading the way home. The road swept from incline to decline as the hills got more numerous and the houses grew more sparse.

 

They walked farther and farther, past the lighthouse, before the road curved away from the cliffs and inland into one last neighborhood before the road continued out of city limits.

 

Up ahead on the left was the Kim family house, its key lime green paint standing out like a sore thumb beneath the gray gray gray of the rain.

 

Seungmin and Hyunjin had barely gotten halfway down the driveway when the front door swung open and spilled warm, inviting, yellow light across the front yard. Woojin stood in the doorway. He opened the screen door just enough to poke his head out into the wind. “Finally,” he hollered. “Do you know what time it is? I honestly thought the wind had picked you up and chucked you into the sea! I was just about to celebrate.”

 

“Shut it,” Seungmin grunted, starting up the front porch steps.

 

“Who’s your friend?” Woojin asked.

 

Seungmin paused with a foot hovering in the air. He’d forgotten that quick. He looked behind him as if checking for ghosts. Hyunjin stood on the stair right behind him, still holding the umbrella, still almost-but-not-really smiling. Seungmin opened his mouth to say “You can go now” but Woojin spoke up first:

 

“Both of you, get in here. You’re letting all of this cold air get in.”

 

“You’re the one holding open the door,” Seungmin told him.

 

“Just get inside. Stop being difficult.”

 

Seungmin started to tell Hyunjin to get lost but the taller boy gently nudged Seungmin towards the front door and, before he knew it, they were both standing dripping wet in the foyer while Woojin rushed to fetch dry towels.

 

It wasn’t until he could feel the warmth of home around him that Seungmin realized how cold he had been outside in the rain. He rubbed his nose and fought back a sneeze. He hoped he wouldn’t catch a cold. Next to him, Hyunjin’s teeth started chattering and then the boy folded his arms across his chest.

 

Woojin came down the hallway with numerous towels draped over his arms. “You’re soaked to the bone,” he commented, looking at the growing pool of water on the floor between Seungmin’s feet. “Get changed and chuck your clothes in the dryer.” He hooked his eyes, magnified by his glasses, in Hyunjin’s direction. “You, too.”

 

“What?” Seungmin exhaled. This was not part of the plan! Clothes took this little thing called _time_ to dry and the last thing he wanted was for Hyunjin to spend time at his house! “He needs to get home!”

 

“In this weather?” Woojin asked, looking genuinely surprised that Seungmin would even suggest such a thing. “Isn’t this your _friend_?” He didn’t let Seungmin get a word in edgewise. “Don’t argue with me. Just get dried off. Dinner’s almost ready. I’m halfway through setting the table so sit down, you two.”

 

Seungmin felt dizzy. This had escalated very quickly. Why was Hyunjin being invited for dinner? What was this? What was happening? There was nothing wrong with booting a random out of your house, regardless of the weather! He would have argued this point but all Woojin had to do was prop his hands on his hips and fix his brother with an evil look to get the younger to obey. “I’ll be right back,” Seungmin said, more to himself than to Hyunjin. He kicked off his shoes, peeled off his socks and darted through the living room and down the hall, his clothes dripping onto the hardwood floor the whole while.

 

His bedroom was the last one on the right. He flicked on the lightswitch and took a split second to look at all of his anime posters and idol banners hanging on the walls, then he shut the door and started peeling out of his wet school uniform. His mind buzzed the whole while, his thoughts in disarray. Why was Hyunjin being nice? Offering umbrellas and shit? The most likely explanation was that he’d been abducted by fairies and they had left an exact replica behind, a changeling. What other explanation for such a 180 degree personality change was there? Well, there was always the possibility that Hyunjin had a twin and the two of them were pretending to be one person. Seungmin had read a novel like that before. It had been the big plot twist near the end. The reveal had kept him up all night.

 

Dammit. He was getting distracted. ...but, this was all so wrong. Nothing was going the way it should. Seungmin pulled on a tie-dye shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants and then dug through his dresser drawers for something Hyunjin could wear. He settled on an old hoodie and shorts that he hoped would fit the guy and then trudged back up the hallway to the kitchen, where Hyunjin was seated at the dining table while Woojin set out dinner plates.

 

“--are in the same class,” Hyunjin was saying in a meek voice that didn’t suit him. “He sits in front of me.”

 

“So that’s how you two met,” Woojin hummed thoughtfully.

 

Seungmin’s jaw dropped. The level of curiosity in his brother’s eyes had reached critical levels. This was bad. Extremely bad. Emergency maneuvers! “Here!” He shouted, throwing the dry clothes across the kitchen. The shorts fell on the table, almost into a bowl of food, while the hoodie landed directly across Hyunjin’s face. It wasn’t the most graceful or polite thing to do but it accomplished Seungmin’s goal: Woojin’s attention was now on him.

 

“Why would you do that?” His older brother snapped. “What if you knocked all of that food onto the floor?”

 

“I didn’t, though,” Seungmin said with a grin, crossing the kitchen tile to where the dryer was tucked into a nook in the wall. He swung open the dryer door and tossed his damp clothes inside. To Hyunjin, he said, “Hurry up and change.”

 

Hyunjin fumbled with the hoodie until he had pulled it off of his head. There was a look on his face that was hard to read. Seungmin actually wished that it was annoyance. Where was the real Hyunjin? The angry and loud Hyunjin getting called to the office? Who was this soft imposter?

 

“Bathroom’s first door on the left,” Seungmin pointed towards the hall, pressing his luck.

 

Hyunjin didn’t snap. Instead, he nodded and then stood up to follow the directions. He was out of the room for all of two seconds before Woojin rushed to Seungmin’s side. He whispered, “Is that the one? Is that the _boy_?”

 

Seungmin thought he might pass out. “No.” The syllable left his mouth in a high-pitched, mouse-like squeak. In other words, it didn’t sound convincing at all.

 

The two of them stopped and listened as the bathroom door creaked open and then clicked shut. Woojin was back at it again, “Is that your type? He looks like he can break you.”

 

“Ugh. Gross.”

 

Woojin furrowed his eyebrows. “I mean that literally. Like he can go _thwak_ with you over his knee or something and then your body is in two pieces with blood and guts all over the floor.”

 

“That’s not what’s happening here. At all.” But Seungmin would gladly take that bad ending over Hyunjin _smiling_ . At _him_.

 

Woojin tapped a finger to his chin. “Are you having a rebel phase? You into bad boys? Please don’t tell me he rides a motorcycle.”

 

Seungmin groaned. “That’s not--”

 

There was a noise out in the living room and then the front door swung open. Wind swept into the house, bringing Mom in along with it. “It’s really coming down out there,” she commented, shaking out her umbrella and leaning it against the wall next to Hyunjin’s. “Oh, hey boys.”

 

“Hey, Mom,” Seungmin called out.

 

“We’ve got company,” Woojin let her know.

 

Mom shrugged off her raincoat and hung it on the coat rack beside the door. “Jihyo?”

 

“A boy,” Woojin said, which was stupid of him because now Mom was going to get the wrong idea.

 

She tilted her head to the side. “A boy?”  

 

They could hear the bathroom door creak open again. Woojin busied himself with placing more of dinner on the dining table. Seungmin grabbed one of the towels and began drying off his hair and face. Hyunjin came around the corner into the kitchen. Water was beaded up in his hair and Seungmin’s hoodie didn’t quite cover the entirety of his midriff.

 

“A _boy_ ,” Mom said, sparkles dancing in her eyes. All she had to do was clasp her hands and raise a foot and she’d be posing like an anime high school girl.

 

“Mom,” Seungmin warned. “Please don’t.” She only said ‘boy’ with that tone of voice when she was certain there was romance involved but there was absolutely no romance involved. Seungmin needed to nip this in the bud before it got totally out of hand. “That’s not what we--”

 

“It’s so wonderful to meet you!” Mom tittered as she bounced into the kitchen, aiming her brightest smile in the world at Hyunjin. “How are you? What’s your name? Did you two get caught out in the rain? Have you eaten yet?”

 

“Mom,” Seungmin tried again. Why did she never listen?

 

Woojin was in on it now, too, picking up on his mother’s enthusiasm. “Do you play any sports? Tennis, perhaps? Did you want to play me in a practice match?” He sat a big bowl of creamy soup in the center of the table.

 

Hyunjin looked absolutely overwhelmed by the deluge of questions. He stood as still as a statue in the doorway, his eyes wide like his brain was frying.

 

Seungmin sprang into action. Not to save Hyunjin but to save himself in case his family decided to _keep asking questions_. He grabbed the wet school uniform out of Hyunjin’s hands and sped over to the dryer to start up the machine. The faster these clothes got dry and the faster the storm died down, the more quickly he could boot Hyunjin out and get his family under control because if this continued at the rate it was going--

 

“Sit down, sit down,” Mom said, dragging Hyunjin to the table. “Let me dry your hair before you eat.”

 

“You don’t have to do that,” Seungmin gasped out. He could practically _feel_ his words be ignored as Mom grabbed a towel.

 

She asked, “What did you say your name was, sweetie?”

 

“I’m Hyunjin,” Hyunjin introduced himself. His voice sounded tightly wound up, like he was reading from a teleprompter. “Hello, Miss Kim. I should have greeted you sooner.”

 

“You’re so _polite_ ,” Mom commented, patting Hyunjin’s hair dry with the towel. Her entire face was a smile which was worrying. She might have already been planning their wedding. “It’s a marvel you can stay friends with a rude boy like my Seungmin.”

 

“Mom!” Seungmin shrieked. He was more offended about Hyunjin being called his friend rather than being labeled as rude. “Go away. You’re still in your office clothes. You didn’t even take your shoes off!”

 

It was like Mom was snapped out of a spell. She looked down at herself, at her dress suit and heels, and sighed. “Okay, okay,” she huffed. “I’ll go get changed. Finish drying this _boy’s_ hair, will you?”

 

“Mom!” Seungmin practically screamed but she had already bounded out of the kitchen, her giggles following her out of the room.

 

Hyunjin… laughed. Not the quiet, restrained giggle from the classroom that morning but an all-out belly laugh that made his eyes crinkle into half moons.

 

It was the most fearsome sight Seungmin had ever seen. The most terrifying noise he had ever heard. The stuff of nightmares. Seungmin approached Hyunjin, gripped the towel on top of the boy’s head and began to vigorously rub it over his hair. Definitely far more force than was needed for the task but at least it stopped Hyunjin’s laughter very quickly.

 

Woojin brought another plate of food to the table. Grilled asparagus and thick slices of sausage. He leaned over the table to look Hyunjin in the eye. “You’re not the reason his grades are dropping, are you?”

 

“Where’s Jihyo,” Seungmin asked his brother, hoping that he could change the subject.

 

At least Woojin was dead easy to manipulate. “Her parents dropped me off and took her on home. They didn’t want her out in this weather.”

 

“So much for your date night, huh?”

 

Woojin shrugged. “I’ll have another day off soon. Next week, perhaps.”

 

“See, this is what happens when you’re an overachiever and pursue all of these extracurricular activities,” Seungmin pointed out with a snicker. He watched his brother grab a pitcher of water out of the fridge. “I can go on dates whenever I please because my schedule is always open.”

 

“No. Your schedule is always open because no one wants to hang out with you,” Woojin shot back, setting the pitcher on the table.

 

Seungmin actually felt the pain of that one. He dried Hyunjin’s hair even more energetically.

 

There was another laugh. It vibrated through the air like a violin solo. Seungmin glanced down but he wished he hadn’t. He made eye contact with Hyunjin but instead of feeling like he was falling and falling and falling and going _splat_ , he felt like he was… floating. Downwards. Gently. “Seungmin,” Hyunjin said quietly.

 

Uh oh. Seungmin looked away.

 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin repeated. “Can I… ask you something?”

 

“I,” Seungmin started, glancing around for Woojin. His brother was gone. He must have darted out of the kitchen in the last few seconds. Dammit. The one time he _wasn’t_ trying to be nosy! Seungmin slowly brought his gaze back to Hyunjin. “I guess you can.”

 

Hyunjin hesitated, as if he hadn’t expected to be granted permission. He looked down rather quickly but not quickly enough to hide the sudden darkness in his expression.

 

Seungmin followed his gaze.

 

Shit.

 

Hyunjin was holding the pastel green confession letter in his hands. He didn’t have to open it. He didn’t have to unfold it. He didn’t have to reveal the words of it. They both knew what it was. They had both memorized its contents, only for different reasons. The room, which had always been relatively quiet, now seemed to take on a deeper level of stillness.

 

Seungmin could hear the rhythm of the rain outside, hear the wind, feel the thunder. The dryer, which rumbled as it worked, seemed to be very very far away. In the heavy silence, neither of them spoke.

 

Hyunjin held the note in his hand, turning it over and over for several seconds. “I read this.”

 

Seungmin lowered his hands from the towel in Hyunjin’s hair. It felt like he had a rock in his throat. Every explanation he had, every apology, was lumping up in his mouth and keeping him from speaking.

 

“I know you didn’t write this letter for me,” Hyunjin said. He looked up, gazing at Seungmin’s face.

 

Those few words changed everything. Seungmin felt like he was falling again, rushing through the air at dangerous speed. Unable to stop. “I should have--”

 

Hyunjin laughed humorlessly. “I’m not dumb, you know. I only have to watch you in class for a little bit to know that you like Felix, not me, so when you dropped this note in front of me at lunch the other day, I knew it wasn’t for me. I knew it had been an accident and I should have given it back to you or thrown it away… but I kept it and I read it anyway. And I kept reading it and rereading it.” These were the most words Seungmin had ever heard Hyunjin string together and his voice sounded raw and on the verge of breaking. Hyunjin looked away, as if shy about his own emotions. He reached a hand up to the towel on his head and pulled it away. Maybe because it had gotten wet in the rain but his hair didn’t seem as tangled as it usually was and Seungmin was a bit taken aback by its length. Hyunjin continued, “I know what people at school think of me. They run from me. They can’t look me in the eye. But I read this letter and all of the lovely things in it and I played around with the thought that someone could like me even though I’m like this and do all of the things I do.”

 

The air seemed to get heavy. Seungmin opened his mouth--

 

“Let me ask you this first,” Hyunjin cut him off. He didn’t do it in a mean way. In fact, he almost sounded scared. As if he feared he would be robbed of the one opportunity to say these things. “I know this letter wasn’t for me so I shouldn’t even…” He trailed off. His eyes went unfocused, looking at Seungmin but not quite seeing him. “I shouldn’t even be allowed to believe any of those feelings in the letter are for me but ever since I read it, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

 

His brutal honesty was almost terrifying. Seungmin didn’t know how to react. His mouth opened and closed, opened and closed, but not a sound came out. He raised a hand to his forehead, hardly able to process even half of what he was hearing.

 

Hyunjin stood up out of his chair. “I know you don’t like me,” he said loudly. Too loudly. _Too_ loudly. “But… You can say no if you want. I'll understand, but... can I keep quietly liking you?”

 

He should have left it at that. He should have he should have he should have! If he had just stopped talking right then! It would have been so much easier to answer him, to say yes to him, if he had stopped right there!

 

“Can I,” Hyunjin went on, sounding tiny and hoarse and uncharacteristically skittish. A stray cat a mere breath from running away. “Can I keep pretending that you wrote this for me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just would like to give an official thank you! I'm just over the moon with the high amount of support and positive response that this modest little fic has gotten. I have only been a Stay since their My Pace comeback but I feel so welcomed by the fandom and it makes me feel even more confident that I made the correct choice in stanning these boys. I hope I don't sound too cheesy but I really wanted to thank you guys because it means a lot to me to be able to write something so self-indulgent like this but still have other people like it and be excited for it and want more of it. Thank you for all of the comments and responses. I deeply appreciate it. <3


	8. In Which Seungmin Worries And Wonders If He's Going About This All Wrong

“When I see you, my heart beat changes tempo.”

 

Glitter by Tyler, The Creator

 

It was Saturday afternoon.

 

Although the weather was a little overcast, the clouds were thin and white, allowing the sun to streak through in certain slants. Its light shone off of the top of the waves and made the paint of a passing sailboat gleam. The only real indicators that it had stormed just last night was that the sand, even all the way up to the boardwalk, was still a little wet and the wind was gusting harder than usual today. Seungmin’s shirt fluttered around him like a flag caught in a breeze.

 

Seungmin sat in his usual spot on the rock in the shadow of the lifeguard hut. He gazed out at the hazy area on the horizon where ocean met sky and followed the slow-moving silhouette of an oil tanker as it traveled south.

 

Last night felt like it hadn’t happened.

 

When he thought about it, it just came off like the kind of thing that would never occur. A tall tale. Something he’d tell to Jisung just to see what the boy’s reaction would be.

 

Him, his brother, his mother, and _Hwang Hyunjin_ sitting around the dinner table laughing and telling stories and enjoying food even while it thundered and stormed outside. It sounded preposterous even as a private thought! Well, the Kim family did most of the talking, bouncing from topic to topic and finishing each other’s sentences. Hyunjin just laughed at appropriate times or nodded or shook his head in response to questions. That seemed to be fine, though. It was obvious he was satisfied with just being there. With just being included.

 

It wasn’t obvious, to Seungmin at least, if Mom and Woojin had overheard Hyunjin’s emotional confession.

 

“Ugh,” Seungmin groaned. He took off his sunglasses and jammed them into his shirt pocket.

 

By then, the oil tanker Seungmin had been watching had vanished from view, turning into little more than a blurry speck in the distance. Seungmin turned his attention to the wicker picnic basket he had brought with him. Today, he’d only packed napkins, oatmeal cookies, two big peaches and a thermos of fresh-squeezed lemonade. He wasn’t meeting anyone today. He had just wanted to sit and think. He pulled out a cookie and took a bite. Mom had made them so of course they were exquisitely crunchy with just the right amount of salt.

 

“All of this is going wrong,” he mumbled. Not the cookies, mind you, but the sitting and thinking. Because now he was fidgeting and worrying instead.

 

Seungmin had expected last night’s dinner to be a disaster, considering the way it had started, but the meal had gone as well as any other night. Woojin talked about Jihyo and tennis. Mom drank half a bottle of cheap wine by herself. Seungmin raved about a new game coming out next week that he wanted to get. In fact, there were multiple times Seungmin had forgotten Hyunjin was even in the chair next to him at all until the boy laughed or asked for more rice or dropped his chopsticks onto his plate.

 

It reminded Seungmin of how long that same dining chair had sat empty until that night. The days. The weeks. The _years_ . That’s how long it had been since Dad just… left. That’s how long they had been eating dinner without him. Together… but not together… but perhaps more _together_ than they’d ever been.

 

“Whatever,” Seungmin huffed, shoving another cookie into his mouth. His family was fine without that man. He just hated that he still couldn’t forget.

 

Out in the distance, way over the waves, he spotted a pod of dolphins jumping out of the water, spouting into the air. The rare sight made him smile.

 

There was one point during dinner where Mom noticed how Hyunjin constantly swatted his hair out of his face as he ate. She got up from the table, a tad tipsy, exited the room and then returned a few minutes later with a pink hair tie in her hand. While the boys talked and made jokes, Mom gently combed Hyunjin’s hair back with her fingers and tied his shoulder-length hair into a short ponytail at the back of his head. Then she sat back down at the table and rejoined the conversation as if she’d never left it. And that was that.

 

A sporty young woman walking her dog came trudging up the sand, the big dog barking excitedly as the waves rushed up close to its paws. The woman, on her phone, relayed the numerous ways in which last night’s storm had ruined her plans. Her jog? Interrupted. Her date? Cancelled.

 

Seungmin twisted open the cap of the thermos of lemonade and took a sip. Tangy. Almost too sour.

 

Hyunjin was so weird. Not really in the sense that he had behaved strangely at the dinner table but rather in the sense that he wasn’t behaving any differently from how he was at school. He was still this towering, quiet sentinel that spoke lowly and brusquely, but the glacial coldness of his eyes had warmed. Minimally. As in by mere degrees.

 

Mom and Woojin had been in the kitchen, clearing off the table and washing the dishes. Seungmin had been in his room, he had only planned to read one chapter--he swore!--when he had glanced up to see Hyunjin standing in the doorway, his fingers fussing with the stray thread dangling from the sleeve of Seungmin’s old hoodie.

 

‘Toilet paper’s in the cabinet under the sink,’ Seungmin had said.

 

But Hyunjin had kept standing there. He wanted to say something. Clearly.

 

Seungmin turned his attention back to his manga. ‘The plunger is in the closet next to the shower. Please be generous with the air freshener.’

 

‘I don’t need to use it,’ Hyunjin said at last. ‘I just… wanted to thank you.’

 

This had made Seungmin look up from his book. A million questions darted through his mind. Thank him for what? The dinner? Woojin had cooked tonight. ‘You shouldn’t thank me,’ he had corrected the boy.

 

‘I should,’ Hyunjin had replied. His eyes had darted around the room then, probably taking in the hundreds of anime memorabilia lined up on all of the shelves and walls.His eyes had widened. Probably with a growing sense of disgust. He had muttered something then. An insult, most likely.

 

‘What did you say?’ Seungmin had asked, probably a bit more sharply than he had intended.

 

‘I said,’ Hyunjin started again, ‘I hope we can keep being friends.’

 

Seungmin hadn’t said anything. He _couldn’t_ say anything. The only noise he made was his computer chair creaking as he leaned back.

 

‘I would be grateful,’ Hyunjin had said, dipping his head. And then he turned around and left the doorway.

 

And that had been that.

 

A large wave crashed onto the shore. The wind picked up, whipping Seungmin’s hair around his face. _I hope we can keep being friends._ A line like that would make _anyone_ freak out a little bit. Especially when it was coming from the same dude who won a three against one fight against Taeyong and his lackeys. When it was coming from someone who had never even called Seungmin by his name until just a handful of hours earlier. Someone who didn’t behave like he _wanted_ friends at school.

 

Yet as wild and unexpected as that conversation had turned out, it had been what happened afterwards that had really started a hurricane in Seungmin’s heart.

 

It was close to eight o’clock last night when the dryer had finished with their clothes and when the storm had passed. Seungmin had walked Hyunjin to the end of the driveway and the two were standing in the pitch black of the countryside at night, next to each other but hardly able to see each other.

 

‘Will you be fine walking,’ Seungmin had asked. ‘My mother can drive you.’

 

‘I don’t live that far,’ Hyunjin’s voice had been tiny. Even then, Seungmin had sensed his lie.

 

They had stood there for a moment, gazing at the other. Hyunjin with his closed umbrella gripped tightly in his hands. Seungmin with his attention drifting ever more towards the lights of the distant city.

 

‘Is it a yes or a no,’ Hyunjin had asked after such a long delay that it wasn’t clear what he had been referring to.

 

‘Huh?’

 

‘You never answered me earlier. My question.’ Desperate. Plaintive. It was so unlike him. So unlike the image Seungmin had of him in his mind.

 

There was just enough light coming from the front porch light for Seungmin to pick out the worried expression on Hyunjin’s face, to see his Mom’s hair tie in Hyunjin’s hair. Seungmin had said, ‘Yes. Of course you can… Of course you can like me, but… What do you want me to do? What should I say going forward? How should I behave?’ He had never been in a situation like this before. Sure, he’d liked many guys who did not like him back but he’d never been liked by a guy that he didn’t like back, that he didn’t think he _would_ like back.

 

‘You don’t have to do anything,’ Hyunjin had stated. ‘You don’t need to give me anything or treat me in any special way.’ He lowered his head and stared at the ground. ‘I won’t ask you to do anything else.’ He started down the road at a hurried pace, like he was escaping as opposed to just leaving. Over his shoulder, he called out, ‘Just keep being yourself.’

 

“But what does that mean?” Seungmin asked the ocean, biting into yet another cookie. “What does that fucking mean?”

 

The clouds broke apart and let more of the sun shine through, brightening the air and warming Seungmin’s skin. The afternoon heat made it feel like last night was even farther away. That is to say, he was even more convinced that last night hadn’t happened. But he knew it had… He remembered it too clearly. He remembered Hyunjin’s smile too clearly. _Can I keep quietly liking you?_

 

Seungmin wondered if he had made the wrong choice.

 

That is to say--he wondered if it would have been better to say no.

 

“Oyyyy!” The noise broke into Seungmin’s thoughts and brought him back to the beach. He perked up his head and looked around. There was someone barreling towards him from the direction of the boardwalk, madly waving and kicking up sand as they ran. “Oyyy!”

 

Seungmin waved back, squinting against the glare of the sun.

 

It was Changbin. Like he was in track and field or something, Changbin squatted low and took a running leap over the sand and onto the big rock. Seungmin barely had enough time to snatch his picnic basket out of the way before Changbin skidded to a halt. “Sup, man!” He called out cheerfully, flopping down beside Seungmin. “Can I have some?” He was already reaching his hand into the basket. He paused and looked up. “Hold on. These aren’t going to cast any love spells on me, are they?”

 

“They’re just cookies,” Seungmin reassured him. The sentence was barely out of his mouth before Changbin grabbed one and took a bite out of it, crumbs going everywhere. It was one of the few times Seungmin had seen Changbin wear something other than his wetsuit or his school uniform. He asked, “You’re not surfing today?”

 

Changbin reclined back on the rock, leaning his weight on his hands. He was sporting a backwards cap and wearing a simple white shirt and black jeans but he had such an effortless cool about him that the look _felt_ designer. “Nah,” he said. “Tide’s too strong. If we try to go surfing today, we’ll wind up in Japan.”

 

“Ahhh,” Seungmin nodded in understanding. He had thought the storm was long gone but the side effects of it apparently still lingered. The ocean waves didn’t look too chaotic to him from his spot on the beach but he guessed that, beneath the surface, there was an entirely different story going on. A potentially dangerous current. What a shockingly accurate metaphor for his own feelings! He grabbed a cookie for himself and munched on it, hoping to drown out the thoughts in his head with the crunching sounds. “If you aren’t here to surf, what brought you here?” Changbin lived too far away to come to the beach for no reason. “You aren’t exactly dressed for the sand.”

 

“I was on my way to the plaza,” Changbin explained, “and then I saw you sitting out here and wanted to say hey.”

 

“You’re not in a rush, are you?”

 

Changbin shook his head. “Just meeting up with Felix at the hot dog stand.”

 

This caught Seungmin’s attention. He jerked upright.

 

“Did you want to come along,” Changbin offered, noticing Seungmin’s brand new energy.

 

Seungmin tried to play it cool. He forced himself to relax. “I guess so... Why not? Got nothing else to do.”

 

Changbin grabbed another cookie and then helped Seungmin to his feet.

 

The two of them left the rock, strolled across the beach and then went up the stairs to the wooden boardwalk. Above their heads, the palm trees bowed and swayed when the wind picked up. More and more of the clouds began to break away, revealing more and more patches of striking blue sky and shining sun. The temperature noticeably spiked, even during such a short walk to the south end of the beach.

 

“I heard Felix was in a surf competition last weekend,” said Seungmin to break the silence.

 

Changbin hummed to confirm. “Probably his first of the season. He’ll enter more, I’m sure.”

 

This was quite the opportunity to glean some information. “I bet he won.”

 

“Hardly,” Changbin laughed. “He didn’t even place. Not even top ten!”

 

Seungmin’s jaw went slack in shock. “Really? Isn’t he good?”

 

“He is, but when you stick him in the water with a bunch of Busan kids, the gap in skill is obvious.”

 

This was surprising. Seungmin had just assumed, based on Jeongin’s excited yapping the other day, that Felix had won the contest. That he’d been continuously winning like some small-town celebrity or something.

 

Changbin elbowed him in the side. “Don’t tell him I told you this but Minho’s better.”

 

Another shocker. “You’re kidding!”

 

“Felix has the expensive equipment and the passion, for sure, but Minho’s been out on the waves since he was a kid.”

 

“He’s that devoted?” Seungmin had to ask. “He doesn’t seem like the type to understand the concept of commitment.”

 

“Minho’s wishy-washy as fuck,” Changbin countered him, “but surfing’s his _thing_. He just doesn’t take it seriously when me and Felix are around.”

 

“Is he trying to be humble? Trying not to show you guys up?”

 

“I don’t know about all that but he taught us everything we know. He always looks out for us when we’re out there. I think it’s more along the lines of him loving surfing as a hobby and not treating it as something he needs to win at.”

 

Seungmin understood that distinction. It was similar to his love of poetry. It’s not something he’d ever _won at_ but he loved it as a hobby. Cherished it. Nurtured it. Someone who wrote strictly to win contests would probably have wildly different ideologies and skill sets. “You three must have been friends for a while, then,” Seungmin pointed out. “I can’t keep up a lot of the times.” He recalled how quickly their conversations moved when the three were together. He also recalled how terribly out of place he felt whenever he was around all three of them. His crush on Felix had only been a distant, quiet thing until this past week. The two of them were classmates so it wasn’t as if they had never spoken to each other at all before. They had exchanged numerous pleasantries and, on more than one occasion, had been assigned to the same group for class assignments. Seungmin had just never gone out of his way to bridge the gap between them outside of class and he definitely didn’t even think he could call the two of them _friends_. Well, perhaps now he could. Thus, he had known even less about the upperclassmen until Felix had brought them around.

 

“I didn’t meet Minho until grade school,” Changbin recounted. “Fifth or sixth grade? Around then sometime. And Felix didn’t move here until we were about to start high school.”

 

They reached the end of the boardwalk. The ramp at the end led them down to a circular plaza cobbled with gorgeous mosaic tiles. At the center of the plaza was a fountain that burbled pleasantly and, arranged around it like moons around a planet, were numerous food trucks surrounded by multiple tables and brightly colored chairs. The plaza was close enough to the drawbridge that the two of them could hear its mechanical whine as the two halves angled up into the sky to allow a yacht to pass.

 

“What else do you want to know about him,” asked Changbin, clearly trying to be helpful.

 

Seungmin let a hopeful sigh escape him. “His favorite band. His favorite color. Wait! Hold on. I--”

 

Changbin laughed. “Don’t worry. I know you like him.”

 

“Am I that obvious? Am I that weird about it?”

 

Changbin reached a hand up to readjust the hat on his head. “I didn’t clock it until you sat with us at lunch. I think you two would be a good match.”

 

“Really?” Seungmin felt his pulse begin to race. His cheeks begin to redden. His spirit left his body a little bit.

 

Then Changbin ruined everything. “Minho’s a good guy.”

 

 _Minho?_ Seungmin felt like he’d just got walloped in the ass by a red shell in Mario Kart. “Wait. I don’t like Minho. I like--”

 

“Felix!” Changbin shouted, jumping up and down and waving.

 

Seungmin thought his heart would stop. He watched Changbin take off running. The hot dog stand was on the far side of the plaza, squeezed in between the ice cream truck and the funnel cake and crepe place.

 

Felix was already waiting for them.

 

And so was Jeongin.


	9. In Which Seungmin Levels Up And Then, Overwhelmed With Power, Launches An All-Out Assault

“Who knows what the future holds?

I don’t, if the truth be told.

They say, ‘play it safe, young soul.’

Fuck that, I’mma take control.”

 

Beach Boy by Aminé

 

“Oh! What a heckin’ coinkydink!” Jeongin said in a delighted This Is Actually Not A Coincidence voice. “We were just talking about you.” Oooh, he was such a villain!

 

Felix grinned. He obviously didn’t sense the brand new tension in the air. “Look who I ran into.” He waved an arm in Jeongin’s direction like a game show host revealing the brand new car a contestant won.

 

“Look who _I_ ran into,” Changbin mimicked him, hooking a thumb over his shoulder towards Seungmin.

 

Changbin and Felix shared a laugh, thoroughly amused by the fact that they’d both picked up strays when the plan had just been for the two of them to meet each other for snacks. “How did this happen?” Felix inquired. “How did we end up like this?”

 

“I was walking up the boardwalk on the way here,” Changbin explained, “and I saw Seungmin sitting on the beach and asked him to come along.”

 

“Cool, cool,” Felix nodded. “I was early so I was waiting at the park across the street and then Jeongin walked by.”

 

The two surfer boys laughed again because _hahaha isn’t this just great_ while slapping each other’s shoulders and making comments such as ‘What are the chances?’ or ‘It was supposed to be two but now it’s four!’ You would have thought someone had told the most hilarious joke. Seungmin would have easily believed that they were just hamming it up and staging their excitement but their laughter seemed sincere and they appeared to be genuinely thrilled about the whole ‘the more the merrier’ thing. At least they didn’t seem to be mad at each other for bringing uninvited tagalongs to something they had previously planned.

 

Jeongin and Seungmin, on the other hand, plastered fake smiles on their faces and glared daggers at each other. It was for a good reason. They were both getting in each other’s way.

 

Seungmin couldn’t understand how this kept happening. It seemed entirely uncanny. First it was that walk to school and now it was this! Jeongin seemed to have eyes everywhere. He seemed to _exist_ everywhere, always standing between Seungmin and Felix like a magical door in a video game that Seungmin hadn’t collected enough golden keys to get rid of. When Changbin had said he was meeting up with Felix, Seungmin had thought a chance had finally fallen into his lap! He’d get to hang out with Felix! Sure, Changbin would be lurking around, but with the raucous surf trio short by one, it would be easier for Seungmin to press himself into the conversation. Right? The theory sounded plausible and it should have been easy, yet Jeongin had shown up _again_. It was like the little dude lived for this. A mid-boss that defied the standard rules for combat. A glitch that ignored the game system. If there were limits, Jeongin had busted through them. Seungmin had to remind himself that, despite fragile appearances, Jeongin was level 99 after all. He had probably unlocked stats and powerful skills that Seungmin didn’t have access to yet.

 

In other words, the devil worked hard but Jeongin worked harder.

 

“You,” Seungmin growled.

 

“Me,” Jeongin said, not the least bit intimidated.

 

Ooooh! He was so _infuriating_. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Didn’t you hear? I was invited.”

 

Arrrgh! Seungmin frowned, truly at a loss on how to beat such an ingenious opponent.

 

Their stand-off would have continued if Changbin hadn’t slung an arm around Seungmin’s neck and given him a playfully violent shake. “I’m starving. Let’s eat!”

 

“I’m definitely getting a chilli cheese dog,” Felix announced, equally oblivious to the murderous aura in the air. “What did you want, Jeongin?”

 

“Just a plain hot dog,” said Jeongin. “Not even ketchup.” He reached into his pocket and handed a wrinkled bill to Felix.

 

“Sit,” Changbin said, guiding Seungmin towards one of the square tables. He pushed Seungmin down into a chair. “What kind of hot dog do you want? New York style? Good.” He was already leaving.

 

“But,” Seungmin squeaked out pitifully, far too late.

 

“I’ll pay,” Changbin called out. “You feed me all of the time. It’s my turn.”

 

Seungmin frowned. “I want slaw and mustard on mine! Not New York style!” It wasn’t clear if the guy had heard him. He could only watch as Changbin joined Felix at the counter of the hot dog stand, chattering away the whole time. _And I don’t like Minho_ , he finished in his head. He sat his picnic basket down in the center of the table and sighed under the weight of his defeat.

 

But that was just a warm up fight. The real battle was about to begin.

 

Jeongin lowered himself down into the chair on the opposite side of the table. His colorful t-shirt did little to mask his evil gremlin ways. The corners of his lips slowly turned upwards into what Seungmin could only assume was supposed to be a smile. “My dear, sweet rival,” Jeongin tsked.

 

That was it. That was all he had to say.

 

A portal to the underworld opened up around them.

 

The plaza disappeared in an instant. Vaporized. The food trucks morphed into bizarre white obelisks marked with glowing, indecipherable text. The mosaic tiles crumbled to dust, replaced by the gnarled roots of an ancient, breathing, bleeding tree. The fountain melted away, its water sizzling into steam as the temperature rose and Hell creeped in closer. The blue sky above turned crimson as if the clouds themselves had caught on fire. Jeongin had transformed into a festering, bug-ridden demon with eight coal black spider eyes and sharp claws for hands. Acid spit dripped from his fangs. “You’re too late,” the demon growled out. Its breath reeked. Its voice sounded like many people speaking at once; high and low tones at the same time. A wicked chorus. “You are _always_ too late.”

 

Seungmin himself had also transformed into a white-haired demon hunter wielding a massive sword and sporting a daring, red coat. “It’s part of the plan.”

 

“You have no plan... Anyone can see that you have no plan” The demon lashed out with one of its claws. Seungmin barely had a chance to raise his sword and block the attack. _Clang! Skriiiiit!_ The demon’s claws drew sparks as they slid across the blade.

 

Blown back by the force, Seungmin righted himself. “You just got a head start. That’s all.” He charged his sword with deep-blue energy and sent a whirlwind of force at the demon, shoving it back.

 

 _CRAAAZY COOLLL!_ The announcer’s voice boomed.

 

“Do you think we’re still on an even playing field?” The demon croaked out. “Do you know how far you’ve fallen behind?”

 

“Didn’t you say yourself that there are no turns? No rules? All that matters is who he chooses.”

 

“Brave of you to think he’ll choose you.”

 

“Same to you. You hang out once or twice and think you’ve got it made? This is only the beginning.”

 

Hideous, bulbous winged things flew by overheard. They screeched as they circled around in the air before taking off in a new direction. “Come on then.” The demon’s eyes blinked. Not simultaneously but one by one in a frantic pattern across its wide face. “Didn’t you say you would never give up?”

 

“But I haven’t,” Seungmin reminded it. He swung his sword at one of the demon’s arms. The blade flashed white just before impact and the demon’s arm was cut clean off. A thick, tar-like substance spewed from the stump where its arm used to be.

 

 _BAAADAAASSSSS!_ His combo score increased.

 

Seungmin dodged out of the way of an attack but he wasn’t fast enough. The demon’s claws snagged his coat and ripped the thing to shreds. He didn’t let this stop him. He swung upwards with all of his might, so hard that his own body flew into the air like he was flying. Gathering energy in his sword, he slammed back down to earth with enough force to hack off the demon’s other arm.

 

_APOCALYPTTTTIC!_

 

The demon let out a murky, hitching noise that was probably laughter. “There are no rules but you _still_ play it safe. How cowardly.”

 

_C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!_

 

Shit.

 

That much was… probably true. Seungmin had let his own fear control him. Jisung had told him that. He had told himself that, but… If he could be the bold and cool Kim Seungmin that existed in his head, he would have no fear. No hesitation. But that wasn’t who he was. Or, rather, that wasn’t who he was _yet._ After the fiasco with Felix’s locker and the red hearts, his fear of rejection had stilled his hand. Plans he would have put into motion he instead pushed to the back burner. Seungmin had allowed opportunities to slip by him but he also figured that he was giving Felix a polite amount of space after such a disaster. Then again, that was probably the exact same behavior Jeongin was critiquing him about right now. Seungmin asked, “How do you do it? How are you always one step ahead of me?”

 

The demon opened its mouth wide. Locusts tumbled out of its gaping maw and took to the air. “Simple. You’re not taking this seriously enough.”

 

All of a sudden, the locusts were surrounding Seungmin. Their wings beat at his face. They bit his hands and made him drop his devil-destroying sword. “What are you talking about?” Seungmin pleaded. “I’m taking this as seriously as I can. I wouldn’t be here right now if I wasn’t.”

 

“Yet I still beat you to him,” the demon lowered its voice to say.

 

Seungmin could hardly hear it speak over the buzzing noise of the locusts crawling over his face and flying near his ear. “You’re stalking him!”

 

“Don’t use such a disgusting word. We really did meet by chance at the park.”

 

“You’re just forcing yourself on him.”

 

“I would have walked right past him but he was the one who called out to me.”

 

Shit! Seungmin groaned. He was losing. Not just this battle but the love war itself. He couldn’t reach his sword! He couldn’t think of something witty to say!

 

“I don’t know if I should even tell you this as it could be seen as coaching the competition, but--” The demon paused as it thought. Tiny little gnats crawled over its grotesque face. “Do you really think someone’s opinion of you will change if you don’t change first?”

 

More of the locusts bit at Seungmin’s skin. One or two even managed to crawl under his skin. He could feel the burning pain in his body as the tiny little demons seeped into his blood and drained his life force from him. He was button mashing as hard as he could but he was still trapped. He was still losing HP! At this rate, it would be game over and he hadn’t saved since three checkpoints ago. Shit!

 

 _Coward!_ _Coward coward coward._

 

If Seungmin didn’t change, he would lose. If he didn’t stop thinking and started acting, he would _lose_.

 

The demon stood up, leaning against the large tree root that separated them. “You’re not trying hard enough,” the demon reiterated. Acid flew from its mouth and landed on Seungmin’s cheek. The demon hunter had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming as the liquid burned him. The demon said, “I’m starting to think you don’t even want him.”

 

“That’s not true!” Seungmin fought against the swarm of locusts, swatting them away with his hands. They should have been small and nearly weightless but when they clumped together like this, when they piled themselves up like this, they were heavy and hot and suffocated him. “I want this more than anything. I want _him_ more than anything.”

 

They were face to face now. Demon squaring off against hunter. “Prove it, then,” the demon growled. Its voice had dropped to a rattling bass. Seungmin hadn’t even known the creature could talk in such a way.

 

“Oyyyy!”

 

The sound came from extremely close by. Loud. Bright. Felix. The locusts were frightened by the call. They flew away, buzzing into the air like a black cloud. The hellish landscape was erased and the plaza was instantly restored. Everything was bright and sunny again.

 

Changbin reached the table first. He slapped the plastic tray in his hands down with an excited whoop. “New York style for you,” he said, handing Seungmin the white and red paper box the hot dog was served in. “Fully loaded for me. Wow, what’s with you guys? You challenge each other to a hot dog eating contest or something?”

 

“You could say that,” Jeongin replied.

 

Seungmin sighed and leaned back so that he was no longer right up in Jeongin’s face.

 

Jeongin bit his bottom lip to keep from outright laughing but then he sat down as calmly as if the confrontation hadn’t happened at all.

 

Felix showed up to the table then, carrying a tray with two hot dogs and a big bowl of stroke-inducing bacon cheese french fries. “Aren’t we lucky? They had a buy one get one half off special going. Here’s your change.” He sat a small pile of coins on the table in front of Jeongin and started to sit down.

 

 _I have to sit next to him_ , Seungmin decided. He didn’t know where the thought had come from. One moment he was calm, the next moment, his every muscle was tense and ready to spring like a cat about to dive at an unsuspecting toy. HE HAD TO SIT NEXT TO HIM! It was now or never. Put up or shut up. He had to be bold. He had to change things! Seungmin stood up, lifted his chair and--in a rather flashy spin move, might he add--deposited himself on the side of the table right next to Felix, so close their knees touched. Great Success! The experience points gained from completing the difficult maneuver made him level up. The move he learned? Scary Face. Which he aimed in Jeongin’s direction.

 

To Felix’s credit, all he did was slide the bowl of fries closer to Seungmin.

 

Changbin took his seat on the other side of the table and Jeongin, probably for the first time since this love war started, looked genuinely impressed. Almost like he wanted to golf clap.

 

Seungmin relished in this new feeling of power. His breath came to him labored and heavy as if he had ran the entire length of the boardwalk. His nerves were popping and sizzling like fireworks. Coasting off of the high, Seungmin performed another risky move. He grabbed a bacon and cheese-covered french fry and then held it up towards Felix’s face.

 

Without hesitation, Felix leaned forward and bit the fry out of Seungmin’s hand. Completely unaware of the damage he was causing around him, Felix exclaimed, “I love these things!”

 

Now _that_ was a power move. Gasp Of Bliss. Seungmin looked over at his arch nemesis a second time.

 

Jeongin’s jaw practically dropped through the table as he was hit by the super effective attack.

 

Mwahahahaha! That’ll show him.

 

“I was going to ask what you guys thought of that mock exam,” Changbin said with a mouth full of food. “But I forgot you’re all a bunch of damn youngins.”

 

“It’s the weekend,” Seungmin huffed. “Let’s not talk about school.”

 

Felix nodded his agreement. “We should talk about tomorrow. We never decided on a time.”

 

“What about tomorrow?” Jeongin propped his elbows up on the table and leaned forward to really put himself in the conversation.

 

“We’re going to the movies,” Changbin told him.

 

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! The alarms blared in Seungmin’s head. This was a situation where he actually had an advantage over Jeongin. He could not let Changbin do something crazy like invite Jeongin along so he had to step up. Seungmin already had to deal with Changbin and Minho inviting themselves when he’d only asked Felix out but if Jeongin wound up going as well, the whole evening would be a waste! Or, worse, it would turn into a blood-soaked battlefield with no survivors. Such a devastating future had to be prevented. “You guys checked out the new Sunmi palette?” It was the first thing that came to Seungmin’s mind. Even worse, the subject change fell on dead air. Changbin looked at him confused but did not slow down his chewing. Felix didn’t even look up from the bowl of bacon cheese fries. Jeongin, unfortunately, was the only one who paid Seungmin much mind but the look on his face was pure evil. His eyes seemed to scream ‘A futile attempt, peasant!’

 

Aloud, Jeongin asked, “That animated movie?”

 

“Umm, no,” Changbin shot that idea down very quickly.

 

“I heard it is supposed to be good,” Jeongin kept on. “It’s won a lot of awards already.”

 

If Jeongin had just attempted a three-point shot, Seungmin was about to jump up and slap that shit out of the way. “Who would want to see that shit?” No matter what Jeongin suggested, he would contradict it. He would have to go that far.

 

“Our choice was that new horror movie, right? The exorcism one?” Felix asked. “The late-night showing.” He either had not sensed the thick tension in the air or had sensed it and was plowing on regardless. Seungmin didn’t know which alternative was more dangerous, considering the situation.

 

“Oh, okay,” Jeongin said, but there was something about his expression that didn’t look like he’d achieved victory. In fact, he looked mildly anxious.

 

Was he… afraid? Seungmin sniffed out the weakness like a predator sniffing out prey. “We love horror movies. Don’t we?”

 

“My favorite kind,” Changbin said. He wiped chilli off of his face with a napkin. “I watch them all of the time.”

 

“They’re okay,” came Felix’s lukewarm response. “I like a lot of genres.”

 

“But we’re going to watch the horror movie,” Seungmin insisted. “We shouldn’t change that.”

 

Felix took another bite of his hot dog. The breeze off of the ocean whipped his hair around his head. “You’re right.”

 

Jeongin looked at a loss. It was obvious, at least to Seungmin, that he strongly disliked horror movies. It didn’t seem like he was giving up, though. Something about the way he was narrowing his eyes… He was coming up with a plan. Seungmin had to be ready for anything.

 

He asked, “The movie’s decided. What about the time? What about the meeting place?”

 

“We live too far apart to meet up anywhere but in front of the theater,” Changbin pointed out. This much was true. Seungmin lived way out in the sticks. Felix lived right off the marina. The only convenient middle ground was their destination.

 

“That’s settled then. How about a time?” Felix guided the discussion.

 

Seungmin pulled out his phone and checked the showtimes. Two in the afternoon? No. Three-thirty? Nah, still too early. Five? Six-thirty? Eight? “Nine-thirty sound good?” Seungmin suggested.

 

“I already told my parents I’m staying out late,” Changbin let them know. “So I’m fine with whenever.”

 

“Oh man. I should tell mine,” Felix realized.

 

Seungmin hadn’t thought of that. A late-night showing probably wouldn’t end until eleven at night or even later. And if they went anywhere after the movie, they could very well be out until nearly midnight. And on a school night! His brother would throw an absolute hissyfit if he even caught wind of these late night plans. Seungmin would have to try to sneak into the house that night or just boldly walk in and accept the tongue-lashing. There was no way he _wasn’t_ going to go see this movie! “My mom’s always cool with me going out,” Seungmin boldly lied.

 

Jeongin’s face turned red. “I may not be able to go.”

 

 _Good_ , Seungmin thought. _No one invited your ass anyway_.

 

“My parents are a bit weird about me going out at night.” Jeongin finished the last bit of his hot dog and then stared down at the table with a surprisingly forlorn expression.

 

Seungmin inhaled sharply, nearly choking on his hot dog in the process. Of course! An _infant_ like Jeongin would still be under a hard and fast curfew! Probably something ridiculously early like six o’clock. Hell, the dude probably wasn’t even old enough to buy himself a ticket to the R-rated movie to begin with! This was perfect.

 

“We can always change the time,” Changbin helpfully suggested. “Go in the afternoon.”

 

No! _Never_. “But what’s the point of seeing a horror movie in the middle of the day,” Seungmin pressed. He needed to do anything and everything to exclude Jeongin. “To get the whole experience, we have to go late at night!”

 

His tactic worked.

 

“Good point,” Changbin said before shoveling fries in his mouth and getting cheese all over his chin.

 

Felix approved. “It’s settled. I’ll let Minho know.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, probably to text his friend the confirmed plans.

 

The leer Jeongin aimed in Seungmin’s direction would have been lethal if looks could kill.

 

All Seungmin did in return was fix him with a smug look that boldly declared ‘What are you gonna do about it?’

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Much later that evening, Seungmin made his way home.

 

The sun was just beginning to set, turning the sky pink and orange with just a hint of purple as it sank behind the mountains. The breeze off the sea was gentle. The cicadas shrilled. Even the crickets were starting up already. Fireflies winked in and out of sight among the brush like will-o'-the-wisps leading Seungmin to a fairy world. Everything seemed magical. Nothing could go wrong.

 

He swung his picnic basket back and forth as he just about skipped along the side of the winding, hilly road. Today had just sort of fallen into place perfectly. It was like he’d found the one puzzle piece that made the whole big picture become clear. Felix had taken over all of his thoughts. The boy’s smile. His cute nose. His pretty wrists. Seungmin was happy. This light feeling that wrapped around him was like spending a warm and comfy and lazy afternoon in bed... but without the bed.

 

He walked around the bend in the road. Jisung’s grandparents’ house, where the boy lived, came into view through the manicured trees and twilight shadows. Jisung was sitting on the steps of the front porch, playing a game on his phone and keeping a watchful eye on the dogs as they ran around and played in the front yard.

 

“Jisung!” Seungmin shouted out.

 

He looked up from his game and waved.

 

Seungmin walked up the gravel driveway. The dogs, at least nine of them, circled around his ankles and cheerily barked up at him. “Where were you yesterday? I missed you.”

 

Jisung exited out of his game and sat his phone down on the step next to him. “Impromptu trip inland with nana and papa,” he explained. He stood up and met Seungmin halfway down the driveway.

 

“Nothing serious is it?” Seungmin gave him a high-five.

 

“No. Nana was like ‘You know what we could use? A day with the grandkids.’ So that’s where we went.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It’s cool.” Jisung said. “I haven’t seen my big sister and her children in a while so it was fun. Where have you been? Your Mom said you’ve been out of the house all afternoon.”

 

Seungmin turned around, glancing down the road in the direction of town. “One thing turned into another and I wound up downtown with Felix helping him pick out new clothes.”

 

Jisung watched him for a moment. He even sniffed the air like he was trying to catch a whiff of bullshit. He didn’t smell any. “Really?”

 

Seungmin faced him again. “Yeah. It was fun. Changbin was there, too, but it’s whatever.”

 

The dogs, in one big pack, darted away to chase after a squirrel that had wandered too far away from its tree.

 

“Wow,” commented Jisung. “You’ve been hanging out with Felix a lot lately. That letter must have worked wonders.”

 

Psssh. Seungmin couldn’t help but laugh and laugh. And laugh.

 

“What’s up with you?” Jisung asked him. “What did I say?”

 

Good lord. If only he _knew_ . “The letter…” They were the only words Seungmin could wheeze out. He couldn’t stop laughing. He dropped his basket by accident. My god. The _letter_. Oh, the irony! Jisung would flip his shit if he discovered that it was Hyunjin who had gotten it. He would totally wig out if he knew Hyunjin had been sitting at his dinner table last night. “Holy shit!” Seungmin doubled over. He couldn’t stop laughing for real now.

 

Jisung stared down at him, unsure if he should join in on the laughter or be concerned. “You okay, man?”

 

Laughing even harder now, Seungmin sank to his hands and knees. This was a bad idea because now he had nine dogs charging at him from across the yard. The energetic pack collided with him, knocking him over into the grass as they woofed and wagged their tails. Then, with Seungmin prone on the ground, they proceeded to lick at his face and hands, swat him with their paws and pounce on him like he was a new big fluffy toy. This, of course, just made Seungmin laugh harder, until he was out of breath, until he was choking and gasping. Until he was so happy he could die.

 

“Something good must have happened to you today,” said Jisung. Then he got on his hands and knees and joined the dog pile.


	10. In Which Minho Makes A Move

“Only you can brighten up my day, yeah

You chase all those grey clouds away.”

 

Colour by MNEK

 

Volume Three picked up where the previous book left off. The protagonist’s words linger in the air: _I’ve already accepted_ his _feelings_. Yet if you look closely, if you know her and you know what to look for, you can see the regret in her eyes. Hear it in her voice. She forces a smile but her heart is not in it, but... that doesn’t matter. Whatever she feels on the inside, whatever hurt and regret, it doesn’t matter. She’s already said the world-ending words. She’s already broken his heart.

 

The swoopy-haired hottie looks at her with wide, stunned eyes. He couldn’t believe it. Anyone who has been in his situation would probably feel just as confused, just as lost, just as hurt. Not even a minute ago, he’d professed his love for her after weeks and weeks of longing for her. Weeks of daydreaming about spending time with her, of looking out for her, helping her improve her grades and ace her exams. He had thought she liked him, too, with the warm smiles and the attentiveness, the hand that always found a place on his arm, the way she whispered to him and remembered all of the things he liked.

 

But even after sacrificing his own opportunities to be there for her as she chased after her dreams, she rejects him so bluntly. So coldly. He feels… betrayed. He had been certain she would confess first! Hadn’t that been the reason she had asked to meet him at the top of the hill? He had been so sure.

 

It was their favorite place.

 

It... was.

 

“What did you say?” he asks. He had heard her. There was no way that he hadn’t, but… “I thought… Didn’t you tell me he was just a friend? That I didn’t have to worry?”

 

“I know,” she responds. She turns around to glance in the direction of the road. Her childhood friend had left mere minutes ago. Could she see him from here? Was he watching? She turns back to him, trying her best to harden her expression and remain firm in her truth. “But feelings change. People change.”

 

“In less than a day?” His voice is loud and big but his expression is soft and tiny. He doesn’t want to be abandoned. “Didn’t you ask to meet so that you could tell me how you feel?”

 

The question hurts because it is true. The defenses she’s tried to put in place crumble a little beneath the weight of his stare.

 

He folds his arms over his stomach as if to protect himself from her words. “I thought we could be together.”

 

“He’s been in love with me since we were kids,” she tells him, getting emotional. She glances down at the grass. Her long, dark hair casts shadows over her face, hiding her eyes. We can only see the thin, firm line of her lips. She’s trying to be strong. Trying to be. “And maybe I have loved him all of this time, too.”

 

He stares at her until he no longer can and then he shuts his eyes. All of his hopes shatter into pieces.

 

The damage has been dealt, but she keeps speaking. “Even when I moved away, he still thought about me and cared for me enough to keep something precious of mine safe.” She clutches the keychain to her chest. It should be insignificant, it really should. It was just a cheap thing! A character from a bygone cartoon show. Not even the children of today would be excited for it yet the keychain wields such power over her heart. It was from her father and just holding it reminds her of her childhood. Of days exploring the woods, climbing trees and playing with model airplanes. It reminds her of a time where she had no worries. “My friend… He loves me.”

 

And it smells just like him.

 

It smells just like the friend who always had her back. The one she still knew inside and out even after all of these years. Even after he told her he loved her as more than a friend. She reiterates, “And I love him back.” She should be happy so why were tears pooling in the corners of her eyes?

 

Why was this so hard?

 

The swoopy-haired boy reaches out to her. He loves her so much. He sees her tremble with oncoming emotion and his instinct is to comfort her even as his own heart breaks... but he stops himself with his fingers only a breath away from her shoulder. He pulls his hand back and draws it to his side. He looks away into the sunset and his face changes. No, not into anger or repulsion or even sadness but something far worse, something far more painful: acceptance. “I understand,” he tells her. His tortured smile. The pain in his eyes. It somehow makes him even more handsome. “I’m sure you made the right choice. I’ll still support you. I’ll still tutor you.” And with those words, he turns and walks away, not even looking back.

 

As the sun sets farther, the light reflects and sparkles off the single tear falling down her cheek.

 

CHAPTER END.

 

“Christ!” Seungmin slapped the manga shut and definitely would have chucked it across his room in outrage if he didn’t remember how much all of the figurines sitting on his bookcase cost. He stopped fast, holding the book above his head like a pitcher with a baseball. “SHIT,” he screamed at the top of his lungs instead.

 

Mom poked her head around the doorway to his room. “Didn’t you say you were going somewhere this afternoon, pumpkin?”

 

He wasn’t really listening. He was still ten feet deep in the story. “Yeah, Mom,” he called out without thinking. He just assumed he had to wash the dishes.

 

Gently this time, he placed the romance manga on his desk. As he rocked back in his computer chair, he stared at the book long and hard, admiring the beautiful cover. How could something so small get him so worked up like this? He wanted to be angry. It was his gut reaction. The plot was progressing exactly how he _didn’t_ want it to go. Like, what was the point of the hot guy with the swoopy hair being with the girl on all of the covers with that brooding look if she kept turning him down? If he kept watching from the sidelines as the childhood friend swooped in?

 

It was madness…

 

Then again, _that_ may be the reason behind his brooding look.

 

All of it pissed Seungmin off, but… “I’m in this for the long haul,” he mumbled out loud. “The story has its hooks in me and I want to see this through to the end!”

 

When he was reading the manga, he flipped each page practically holding his breath and, late at night, he’d lie awake in bed and think about what it must feel like to have someone who _wants_ you like that. Hell, to have two or more people who want you at the same time and to have to make a _choice_ ! To have to choose! He couldn’t imagine it. It just didn’t seem realistic… yet, why did such a silly storyline thrill him so much? It made his heart beat very quickly. The hopeful stares and the lingering touches and the shy smiles; the dance of glancing away at the last second so that they won’t catch you staring. When he tried to explain it, even to himself, it all sounded so cheesy and asinine but that didn’t stop him from enjoying it. That didn’t stop him from wanting it for himself. Perhaps not all of the miscommunication and ugly crying but, at the very least, he wanted the cute gifts and side hugs. Who _didn’t_ want that kind of youthful, dramatic love?

 

Maybe that’s what he felt with Felix. Something feathery soft and bubbly in his tummy. Were these butterflies? Sweet Jesus. He hadn’t realized it was getting that serious. This was a feeling that should have been pure and innocent but the experience of obtaining it may have been tinged by teenage hormones and a ridiculous amount of setbacks.

 

If this love war against Jeongin was teaching Seungmin anything, it was that it took a whole lot more than _wanting_ something to be able to get it. Tonight, he needed to do more than just want.

 

Tonight.

 

Shit. SHIT!

 

Seungmin looked at the clock. It was already after seven. Nearly eight o’clock! Mom’s words, extremely belatedly, clicked in his head: _Didn’t you say you were going somewhere?_ The last time he looked at the clock, it wasn’t even six yet. That’s why he’d decided to play a few games and read a bit of his manga. How had so much time slipped past? He hadn’t been distracted for very long! “Fuck!” Seungmin leaped out of his chair and rushed to get ready for movie night.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Seungmin just knew he was going to be late but as he sprinted down the crosswalk to the movie theater, he realized he was probably the first of the four to get there. He skidded to a halt beneath the movie posters and searched the big crowd. It was mainly adults but he noticed a handful of risk-taking schoolmates staying out this late with school in the morning.

 

There was no Minho, no Changbin and definitely no Felix. For a moment, Seungmin wondered if he’d somehow gotten the time wrong or, worse, they had changed the plans without telling him. What if that Snaggletooth Gremlin had convinced them to go to an early afternoon showing!? He pulled his phone out of his pocket only to remember that he didn’t have any of the boys’ numbers. Sure, he had known of Changbin and Minho but, until the other day, they were just cool upperclassmen he shared a hallway with every now and then.

 

Just as his worries were beginning to reach a hurricane-roar inside his head, he spotted Changbin and Minho come around the corner by the donut shop.

 

Over the tops of people’s heads, Seungmin watched his new friends approach. The smile on his face slowly faltered and then burned out. Seungmin had definitely received the wrong memo about tonight. Or, more accurately, he had forgotten that this was not the date he had wanted it to be. As easily as if it were nothing, these two had invited themselves along, spoiling all of Seungmin’s plans to be alone with his crush and pretend he was scared during the movie and grab hold of Felix’s hand and maybe keep holding it until the credits rolled. Hell, he’d gotten all dressed to impress tonight like he was on his way to Seoul Fashion Week! But he might have done all of that for nothing. Minho and Changbin, both of them still as good-looking as ever, were only in the plainest of t-shirts and jeans.

 

Seungmin felt significantly overdressed.

 

He watched as they started searching the crowd, probably looking for him. There was one time where Minho looked almost directly at him but he must not have really seen him. The crowd outside the theater was quite heavy and noisy as people queued up to buy tickets.

 

Seungmin decided to try something. He cupped his hands around his mouth. “Oyyyy!”

 

It did the trick. Changbin and Minho both spun in his direction, heads tilted to the side like cute little dogs. Changbin spotted him first if the grin on his face was any indication. He pointed and waved and then motioned with his hands like ‘Come here.’

 

Seungmin left his spot by the wall and joined up with them near the curb.

 

“The line’s gotten super long,” Seungmin said. It was the politest way he could think of to tell them they were late as fuck.

 

“It’s fine, man,” said Changbin. He glanced at his watch. “We still have plenty of time.”

 

Less than ten minutes didn’t seem like plenty of time, especially considering the wait for tickets and the line for concessions, but Seungmin let him have this one.

 

Minho was paying more attention to his phone. “We should get some candy.” He jerked his head in the direction of the convenience store across the street. “I refuse to pay for overpriced theater food.”

 

The overpriced food bit was true, but... “Won’t we miss the movie?” Seungmin asked anxiously. Even in the handful of minutes he’d been waiting for them, in the seconds they’d been talking, the line for the ticket booth had lengthened considerably. It seemed like everyone and their mother had the same idea they had to watch a late night movie showing. The theater was going to be packed!

 

“Look, smuggling in contraband candy is part of the moviegoing experience,” Minho explained.

 

“We’re not going to miss anything but the previews,” Changbin reassured him.

 

Minho lowered his phone and looked up for the first time. Then he seemed to do a double-take, giving Seungmin the full scope of his slack-jawed attention.

 

Seungmin felt a little exposed beneath the scrutiny. He said, “And where’s Felix?”

 

“On the way,” said Changbin. “I just got off the phone with him. He said he was close.”

 

Well… Even with the threat of missing the start of the movie, the surfer boys seemed dead-set on this candy run. You’d think they were smokers dying for their next nicotine hit.  Seungmin caved. “Alright. Let’s go. I want Butterfingers.” He was already turning around to head back to the crosswalk.

 

“I’ll wait here,” Minho suddenly announced. “I’ll keep our place in line.”

 

“Good idea,” Changbin told him. He dug in his pocket and pulled out a few wrinkled bills. “Get our tickets if we aren’t back in time. Damn. We should have bought them in advance.” When Minho took the money, Changbin hurriedly followed after Seungmin across the street.

 

Although their town was by the beach, it wasn’t the prime destination for vacationing tourists. Not with Busan so close. It was more of a ‘hidden gem’ for travelers and, as a result, the town remained relatively undeveloped. There were a few modern offices and big businesses, of course, but it was still primarily the fishing town it had always been. In other words, there weren’t too many leisure activities even for the locals. There was the athletic park and the beach and the tiny little podunk amusement park and the outdoor shopping center but those places were populated mainly during the daylight hours. After dark, the main spot in town was the movie theater. Even across the street, the crowd was still thick and it took quite a bit of work to make it to the sliding convenience store doors.

 

Inside, Seungmin finally felt brave enough to ask, “You didn’t tell him, did you?” He recalled the way Minho looked at him.

 

“Didn’t tell who what?” Changbin asked. He grabbed a bag of Skittles. Then it clicked in his head. “Oh! No. I didn’t tell Minho anything. Your secret’s safe with me. Did you want me to tell him? I’m a good Cupid!” His eyes lit up with excitement.

 

“Please don’t,” Seungmin said quickly.

 

The sparkles left Changbin’s eyes. He almost pouted. “Are you scared?”

 

Seungmin found the Butterfingers and grabbed two. Then he grabbed one more because he had no self control. “No… it’s not like that. I mean, it’s not Minho.” He pushed the Butterfingers between his fingers and held up his fist so they looked like Wolverine claws.

 

Changbin grabbed a bag of M&Ms and then crossed the aisle to the sour gummy worms. “It’s okay, man. You can like who you like.”

 

Seungmin walked up to him and stabbed him in the throat with his ‘claws.’ Changbin played along and let out a wet-sounding, choking gasp. Seungmin said, “We should hurry.”

 

They paid for their candy and then exited the convenience store. While waiting for traffic to let up so that they could cross the street, Changbin began describing the best ways to violate the ‘no outside food or drinks’ rule that was printed on posters on every door to the theater. “You open up your bags before you go inside,” he stated. He paused long enough to tear a corner off the gummy worm bag with his teeth. “That way you’re not giving yourself away with all of the loud rustling and tearing noises. The ushers go through months of monk training to be able to pick that sound out in a room.”

 

To be honest, Seungmin was only half listening. Actually, no, he wasn’t listening at all. He had spotted Felix coming around the corner and all of his good sense had gone flying with the gulls. Give him a few seconds and he could drool a bit. Felix looked gorgeous tonight. He had flat-ironed the curls out of his hair and was wearing all-white like some divine being gracing the earth with his presence.

 

“And then,” Changbin continued on, “you have to choose your hiding places well. Don’t fucking put chocolate in your back pockets. That’s just asking for a disaster and, no, I am _not_ speaking from personal experience.”

 

The two boys crossed the street. They met Felix in front of the theater. “What’s going on, guys,” Felix greeted them. “The gang’s all here-- Where’s Minho?”

 

“He got in line for our tickets,” Changbin said, “but I don’t see him now. He might be inside.” He led the way towards the main doors.

 

“Hey, Felix,” Seungmin said. The night air had gotten all dreamy and hazy. Felix seemed to be literally glowing beneath the street lamps.

 

“Sup, dude,” Felix replied. “You look good.”

 

Seungmin died. Just right there on the spot. The Grim Reaper had walked up behind him on the street and casually snatched his soul out of his body, leaving nothing but a staring, blinking empty shell that was starting to foam at the mouth.

 

“I like your hat,” Felix went on. “Is that a beret?”

 

Seungmin was dead so he couldn’t answer.

 

The silence went on for another long moment. Then things got awkward. Felix forced a smile. “You’re Wolverine,” he pointed out, eyeing Seungmin’s Butterfinger claws.

 

“I’m Wolverine,” Seungmin dumbly repeated. A parrot mimicking words.

 

Felix just nodded slowly before deciding that the movie was now his top priority. He walked into the theater, leaving Seungmin on the sidewalk staring into space like a lunatic.

 

He stood there for several seconds before he was able to use enough brain processing power to say, “You look good, too. You look _amazing_.” It was just far too late for that, though. Felix was long gone.

 

Feeling lame, Seungmin sighed and trudged indoors. What the hell was his problem? Why couldn’t he do something simple like _have a conversation_?

 

It seemed to be just as crowded in the lobby as it was on the street outside so it took him awhile to spot Changbin and Felix near the old arcade machines. Minho was with them and so were two girls from their school. Upperclassmen. If Seungmin remembered correctly, the one with the long and dyed light, almost blonde, hair was Dahyun while the one with her hair in a braided bun was foreign exchange student Mina. Both of them were pretty and popular at school. They were obviously well-acquainted with Minho and the surfer boys based on how they were talking and laughing as Seungmin, feeling like a lone straggler, joined their circle.

 

“It’s supposed to be the scariest shit ever,” Changbin was saying. “So you two definitely need some strong men to sit next to.”

 

Dahyun rolled her eyes. “I’ve been watching scary movies since I was in the womb. You’re going to have to do better than that, Binnie.”

 

“Some strong men,” Changbin said again, “with _snacks_.” He pulled the bags of candy out of his pants pockets.

 

“Fine. We’ll sit next to you,” Dahyun conceded. She snatched the bag of sour gummy worms.

 

Changbin exclaimed, “Hell yeah!”

 

Minho, who had bought a box of Reese’s Pieces from the concession stand like a normal movie-goer, took the bag of Skittles out of Changbin’s hand and then dumped the rainbow-colored candy into his box. It wasn’t until he’d grabbed the bag of M&Ms and did the same that Felix noticed what he was up to.

 

He said, “Dude, did you just mix all of that candy together?”

 

Changbin, who had been staring at Dahyun with hearts in eyes up until now, looked down at his empty hands and scrunched up his face. “Are you for real?”

 

“Huh, what?” Minho asked. He shook up the box to give it a good mix. “They’ll be easier to share if it’s all in one box. We can just pass it back and forth.”

 

“Who would want to do that?” Felix had to know. “You’ll reach your hand in and not know what the fuck you’re taking out.”

 

Seungmin hid his Butterfingers behind his back. “Yeah,” he halfheartedly agreed.

 

“What’s the problem? They all taste the same!” Minho shook up the box even more and then poured a handful into his palm. At a glance, the small round candies were nearly indistinguishable from each other. It was only easy to spot the M&Ms because they were a bit larger but, in the dark of a theater, it would be impossible to tell which kind was which until you bit into them. It would be an absolute onslaught on the taste buds. “Stop being picky eaters.” He tossed the handful into his mouth and chewed like there was absolutely nothing wrong with the world.

 

Changbin gagged.

 

Even Seungmin had to flinch a little.

 

“I’ll never learn to trust again,” Felix deadpanned.

 

“Please don’t tell me you think it all tastes like chicken,” said Changbin.

 

Minho groaned. Smacking on his candy, he said, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing, dude. It’s all the same. Let’s go sit or we’ll miss the movie for real.”

 

“We trusted you!” Felix shouted.

 

Dahyun folded her arms across her chest. “How do you guys even function on a daily basis? I guess stupid sticks together.”

 

“Like glue,” Felix said, immune to the insult.

 

“Ouch,” Changbin cried out, clutching his chest.

 

Minho felt the exact opposite. “Dahyun! My dear, sweet Dahyun! Your insults warm my cold, dead heart,” he said in a dramatic voice. He rushed up to her. “Being spoken to like this… I didn’t know it was something I could be into until right now. Will you continue to harass and verbally assault me until the end of time?”

 

Seungmin knew where this was going. He had heard that very tone before.

 

“Ummm…” Dahyun’s eyes went wide. “Is he okay?”

 

“He’s like this all of the time,” Felix apologized for him. “Don’t take him seriously.”

 

“But I _am_ serious!” Minho wailed. “All of this time, I thought I had a praise kink but what if it’s a humiliation kink instead?”

 

“This just got real weird real fast,” mumbled Seungmin.

 

“Dahyun, I didn’t know I could feel this way until I met you. I didn’t know that this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my days.”

 

“Hey now,” Changbin warned, putting a firm hand on Minho’s shoulder.

 

Minho shrugged it off. “Dahyun, I’m asking you to keep humiliating me. I think I like the way it feels. Will you marry me?”

 

Seungmin almost dropped his Butterfingers.

 

Felix burst out laughing.

 

“Excuse you,” Changbin huffed, getting visibly red in the face. It was clear that he didn’t want even a running joke like this getting between him and his flirting attempts with Dahyun. He grabbed Minho by the shoulder again. “I thought we had boundaries?”

 

Minho would not be stopped. “Marry me, Dahyun. You’re the love of my life. Move in with me.”

 

“I don’t know about all of that,” Dahyun hurriedly bit into a sour gummy worm.

 

Minho handed the box of mismatched candy to Felix. He got down on one knee in front of Dahyun and grabbed her by the hand. “Will you do me such an honor? Right here, right now, in front of all of these people, will you marry me?”

 

It was obvious that Dahyun was in on the joke. She said, “I don’t know if I have enough insults to last through a marriage.”

 

“That’s okay,” Minho said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his house keys. He pressed them into Dahyun’s palm. “Just keep making fun of me. The harsher the better. Do you know how to tie good knots? Like… with rope?”

 

“Hey,” Seungmin shouted. He didn’t know why he was suddenly upset.

 

Changbin gently kicked Minho in the side. “Yeah! You can’t just propose to somebody else in front of your current spouses!”

 

Dahyun looked up. “Who else is he married to?”

 

Seungmin raised his hand. Changbin raised his. Felix did, too. Unexpectedly, Mina also raised hers.

 

This shocked Dahyun the most. She looked at her best friend with an o-shaped mouth. “What! Really?”

 

Mina looked shy. Her cheeks reddened and she looked down at the floor bashfully. “We live in big villa,” she said slowly, taking her time to properly enunciate. “On coast of, how do you say... Italy? We keep hippopotamus in backyard pool.”

 

At first, Seungmin thought it was a mispronounced word but Minho stood up and draped an arm over her shoulder. “It’s true. We’ve got a baby hippo in the pool because we’re raising her. We also have a tiger in the side yard. You know. As pets.”

 

“No kids?” Changbin had to ask.

 

Seungmin noticed that Changbin was quick to occupy the space next to Dahyun that Minho had just vacated.

 

“No children,” Mina confirmed. “Only animals. Many we keep indoors.”

 

“How do you do that, man?” Felix asked. He threw a handful of candy in his mouth. “How do you remember all of these wacko stories?”

 

“When you love someone,” Minho said in a loud and dramatic voice, “you remember everything you said to them!”

 

This was getting weirder by the second. “So are we all part of your harem?” Seungmin asked. “Are we all just sister wives and brother husbands?”

 

“If it makes you feel better,” Minho responded, “I love you all equally. I have no favorites.” He poked Mina gently in the cheek. She giggled and hid her blushing cheeks behind her hand as if he had just kissed her.

 

“Can we please get to our seats,” Felix impatiently grunted. “It’s nine-forty. I’m sure all the previews are done by now. We may even be missing the show”

 

They showed their tickets to the handler by the red velvet ropes and then filed towards Auditorium Eight near the end of the long, dimly-lit hall. During the walk, Minho kept his arm around Mina’s shoulder, quietly speaking into her ear. Changbin stayed glued to Dahyun’s side, their shoulders bumped, their hands brushed.

 

The group had paired off extremely quickly, Seungmin noticed, but that also meant there was no one stopping him from making similar moves on Felix. Well, nothing except for the fact that Felix was way down the hall, urging his friends to hurry up before he disappeared into the darkness of Auditorium Eight.

 

In the auditorium, the opening credits were just starting to roll, the music thumping through the walls. Just as Seungmin feared, the auditorium was packed. It became instantly clear that all of them would not be able to sit together. However, the only person who this fact seemed to bother was Seungmin. Mina and Minho miraculously found a pair of seats right off the aisle and dropped into them. Dahyun found a pair of chairs halfway up the stairs and surprised the hell out of Seungmin by inviting Changbin with her.

 

This left Seungmin standing on the steps next to Felix. _Hey, want to sit together?_ The perfectly normal sentence sounded right in Seungmin’s head but the only word that came out of his mouth was “Want?”

 

“Huh?” Felix asked, leaning close to him to hear over the movie audio.

 

Seungmin raised a hand. Since he couldn’t speak, he had wanted to do something like grab Felix by the arm and pull him into some dark corner to make out but a Kim Seungmin _that_ smooth and that lucky only existed in his imagination. What ended up happening was that he swatted Felix in the chest with his Wolverine Butterfinger claws instead.

 

Felix looked down. “Yeah. Sure. I want one.” He grabbed one of the candy bars. “Thanks, mate.” And then he dashed up the stairs to grab a seat, leaving Seungmin alone.

 

Shit.

 

They say the course of true love never did run smooth but Seungmin, even in the middle of a love war, never anticipated that he would be his own worst enemy.


	11. In Which Things Are Kinda Sorta Maybe Like The Beginning Because There Is A Letter

“Baby, take it slower, slower.

Whoa, baby take it slow.”

 

Your Teeth In My Neck by Kali Uchis

 

As usual, the two friends were standing in the doorway to class 2-F, blocking traffic under the pretense of saying good morning to everyone and asking if anyone was willing to let them copy that weekend’s homework. Well… that was the pretense but this was forgotten at least five minutes ago because that’s how long Seungmin had been talking about Felix.

 

“I’m telling you,” said Seungmin, chewing on a stick of gum. “We went on a date. To the movies. We saw the one about the exorcisms.”

 

Jisung didn’t look up from his phone. You know, because of his anime big titty waifu game. “You’re lying out of your ass. I can smell it.”

 

It was Monday and Seungmin did not want to be denied first thing in the morning. Especially when he was being honest. “We went. It really happened. I’m telling you.”

 

“It may have happened,” Jisung said, sparing him the briefest of glances, “but not the way you’re telling me. It wasn’t a date.”

 

Seungmin adamantly stomped a foot. “It was!” Although, in his mind, it really had started out that way. Or, more accurately, it had been a date for 2.4 seconds before Changbin and Minho ruined everything as per usual and invited themselves. “Me and Felix went together.”

 

“Let me try to guess my way through this using context clues,” Jisung said. He was still tapping the screen of his phone, the sound of hectic music and explosions rang out from the tiny speaker. “You went to the theater. You saw him there and maybe chatted a bit. He sat near the front and you sat near the back. You didn’t speak to each other but, in your head, you were on a date and holding hands and shit.”

 

Oof. It wasn’t 100% spot on but that was… ridiculously accurate.

 

“I’m right!” Jisung said, glancing up. “You only make that dumb face when you’re bullshitting.”

 

“What face?” Seungmin sputtered out. He tried to hide his expression with his hand.

 

“This one.” Jisung stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and sort of squinted his eyes like he was having trouble seeing.

 

“I do not make that face,” Seungmin defended himself. He hoped he didn’t make that face because, whew, it was unflattering.

 

“You were _just_ doing it,” Jisung told him. He chuckled. “You look like a chipmunk.”

 

“ _You_ look like a chipmunk.”

 

“No. I look like a caribou. And caribou are cute.”

 

“Cute? Who told you that?”

 

Before Jisung could answer, Felix came stomping up to the doorway. “Excuse me,” he huffed. He adjusted the strap of his backpack on his shoulder and hooked his eyes from Jisung to Seungmin and then stared at the narrow space between them. There was something different about him today, Seungmin noticed. It wasn’t his pretty nose or his pretty freckles or his pretty ears. Those things wouldn’t change no matter what but Felix still looked different. He looked… pissed off. That in and of itself was odd because Felix usually always had that smile on his face and floated through the hallways with the grace of an angel but, today, he looked like a devil. And not even in a sexy way.

 

Apparently, the two friends didn’t move fast enough for Felix’s liking because he shoved his way between them, jabbing an elbow into Seungmin’s stomach on his left while, on his right, his backpack knocked Jisung’s phone out of his hands.

 

“Asshole,” Jisung hissed at the guy’s back, stooping down to pick up his phone.

 

Felix either didn’t hear him or heard him and did not care. He went straight to his desk and did not look back. He didn’t even return greetings from the classmates who called out to him as he walked by.

 

“Dumb son of a bitch.” Jisung muttered under his breath. His phone seemed to be okay.

 

“Hey, now,” Seungmin said. He poked Jisung in the chest. “Don’t talk about him like that.”

 

“Did you not see him _assault_ me?”

 

“He’s just trying to sit down.”

 

“Stop defending your precious little boyfriend!”

 

Seungmin put a finger to his lips. “Shhh!”

 

Fortunately, no one appeared to be paying them much mind. The classroom was still buzzing with conversation and laughter, everyone getting the last of their fun in before the hell of student life officially started when the bell rang in two minutes.

 

Jisung rolled his eyes. “He’s the one with the bad attitude out here bumping into people.”

 

“Shhh. He’ll hear you.”

 

“I hope he does!” Jisung stared across the room at Felix. Once again, if the boy heard, he didn’t act like it. Jisung looked at Seungmin again, narrowing his eyes like he was closely inspecting his friend. “A date, my foot! He didn’t even smile at you. Didn’t even look at you.”

 

Seungmin suddenly found the ceiling more interesting. “We may have gone with… a lot of other people.” It may as well have been a school field trip. “And... we may not have actually talked too much.”

 

Jisung groaned. “Just what I expected.”

 

“Hey, I’m just doing what you told me to!” Seungmin lowered his voice to a near-whisper. “I stopped talking and I started acting. I’m hanging out with him regularly now. I could be dating him for realsies soon. Just you wait.”

 

“I won’t hold my breath. I told you this at the start but I don’t think you have a chance.”

 

“Ouch, man. I thought you’d be on my side.”

 

“I’m just mad, okay,” Jisung admitted. He leaned back against the doorframe and folded his arms across his chest. “I’d rather he punch me in the face than make me drop my phone and risk cracking my screen!”

 

Wow. “Come on,” whined Seungmin. “Your game can’t really mean _that_ much to you.”

 

Jisung looked hurt. He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. “How could you say that to me? Titties are the only thing that keep me going.”

 

“If it’ll make you feel any better, I’ll talk to him and see if I can get him to apologize to you.”

 

“Dude, you don’t have to do anything like that. I’m just-” Jisung stopped short. His voice cut out like a recording that was swiftly paused.

 

“You’re just what?” Seungmin prompted.

 

Jisung’s eyes went wide. He backed out of the doorway hastily. Clearly, there was something behind Seungmin that had scared the hell out of him.

 

Slowly, Seungmin turned around. He shouldn’t have been surprised. He really really _really_ shouldn’t have been surprised… but seeing Hyunjin standing so close beside him still startled him. Startled him so much that he couldn’t speak. Couldn’t react. He just stood there blank-faced, unable to look away.

 

Hyunjin smiled at him. That damn _smile_! “Good evening.”

 

It wasn’t evening. It was bright and early in the morning. The time was all off. Why the hell would he say something like that? Then it clicked in Seungmin’s head that Hyunjin was mimicking _him_ from that afternoon in the rain last week. Was this… an inside joke?

 

Hyunjin walked past Seungmin and into the classroom. Both Seungmin and Jisung watched him stroll across the room towards his desk in the back row. They both watched as he stopped moving as if he suddenly remembered something. They both watched as he turned back around to look their way again. “Hey, Seungmin…” Hyunjin started. “I have your--”

 

“I’M ON MY PERIOD!” Jisung wailed, so loud that almost everyone already seated in the room whirled around to stare. He grabbed Seungmin by the wrist and yanked him out into the hall with such force that he nearly fell over.

 

“Shit!” Seungmin howled. He struggled to right himself and keep up with Jisung’s rapid half-jog down the hall. “What if you dislocated my shoulder?”

 

“Good,” Jisung said, yanking his friend towards the stairwell. “Then we’ll have another reason to go where we’re going.”

 

And where they wound up was their favorite place to skip class.

 

Mr. Ok, the school nurse, simply stated, “Jisung, there’s nothing wrong with you. Not even an elevated heart rate.” He draped his stethoscope back around his neck and backed away from the bed.

 

Jisung groaned in pain and clutched at his side. “Ugh, but I need to stay here for a while. On a scale of one to ten, my pain is a ten. An eleven!”

 

Mr. Ok didn’t look at all concerned. He just watched Jisung flop around on the bed like a fish out of water.

 

Realizing that he really needed to sell this performance, Jisung stepped his game up. He squeezed his eyes shut. “My spleen, then! My spleen. My spleen is on fire. With spleen-icitis. Oh, it hurts. Ow ow ow ow.” He opened one eye to look at the nurse.

 

“Spleen-icitis isn’t a thing,” said Seungmin.

 

“And your spleen is closer to your chest, Jisung,” Mr. Ok patiently stated. This was obviously not his first time at the rodeo. He’d probably seen every trick in the book.

 

Seungmin sat down in the chair next to the bed and watched his friend writhe around for dramatic effect. He laughed. “Did you not pay attention at all in health class?”

 

“My-” Jisung struggled to come up with a new organ. “My… my appendix!” He twisted back his arm and pressed his hand close to the base of his spine. “My appendix just ruptured. I’m dying.” He let out a pretty realistic retching noise.

 

Mr. Ok sat back down at his desk and returned to the stack of papers he’d been working on before the boys had violently burst into the room. The man said, “Your appendix is on the anterior side of your torso.”

 

“Even I know that,” Seungmin told Jisung, propping his elbows up on the bed. “The human body is _easy_.”

 

Jisung forgot he was in pain. He sat up. “Oh, and you’re suddenly a model student? Weren’t you making straight C’s?” Jisung asked, poking Seungmin sharply in the forehead. “And aren’t you failing math?”

 

“Health isn’t math.” Seungmin stated it like it was the most obvious truth. “I can tell you what your thoracolumbar fascia is but I know fuck all about calculus.”

 

“What the hell is your problem, Kim Seungmin,” Jisung boldly asked.

 

From his desk, Mr. Ok cleared his throat.

 

Suddenly back in pain, Jisung flung himself back onto the bed. “My heart… My heart hurts!” He gasped sharply and slapped his hands over his chest.

 

Seungmin raised both of his eyebrows. “Did you really just grab the wrong side?”

 

“MY GALLBLADDER!” Jisung screeched. He moved his hands back to his side and rolled across the bed, kicking at the sheets and nearly falling off of the mattress. He was really getting into it.

 

“You’re not even close.” Mr. Ok didn’t even need to look up to know Jisung was holding the wrong place. He finished scribbling something and handed it to Seungmin. A tardy excuse. “Since you two want to be in here so bad, I’ll give you ten minutes and then you _have_ to go back to class.”

 

Jisung was instantly cured a second time. Hallelujah. A miracle. He propped himself up on his elbows. “Can you make that twenty?”

 

“No.” Mr. Ok raised his coffee mug to his mouth, his face getting enveloped with steam.

 

“Fifteen?” Jisung pressed. “Come on. Fifteen.”

 

The nurse took a sip of his coffee. “No.”

 

“Fuck. Twelve minutes?”

 

“Language.”

 

Jisung groaned. “Fine. Fine. We’ll take the ten.”

 

“You’re so nice, Mr. Ok,” said Seungmin.

 

The nurse spun around in his chair to look at them, sensing that something was amiss.

 

As innocent as a newborn lamb, Seungmin said, “I hope the art teacher reciprocates your feelings one day.”

 

Mr. Ok spit up his mouth full of coffee, getting the dark liquid all over his pants. “Shit. Hot!” He jumped out of his chair.

 

“Language,” Jisung chastised him.

 

Mr. Ok said nothing else. He wordlessly excused himself from the office, practically sprinting.

 

Seungmin smirked. Got em.

 

“Fifteen minutes it is, then?” Jisung called after the nurse. The door slammed shut. Jisung paused, pretending to hear a response that Mr. Ok wasn’t giving them. “Alright, cool. Thanks. You’re the best.” He waved even though the nurse was long gone. Then he whirled on Seungmin and his expression rapidly changed. “I really must be sick, though,” he growled out, “because I definitely heard and saw things that _couldn’t_ have happened in real life.”

 

If only to distance himself from Jisung’s heated glare, Seungmin leaned back as far as he could manage. “What are you talking about, dude?”

 

“This is a dream sequence and you’re going to wake up soon,” said Jisung. Then he shook his head. “Wait. No. This is happening to me. _I’m_ the one dreaming. I’ll wake up soon.”

 

Seungmin blew a bubble with his gum. Perhaps Jisung really did need ten minutes to rest.

 

He must have said it aloud because Jisung grabbed Seungmin’s hand and pressed it against his own forehead. “Do I have a fever? Can you tell?”

 

“I don’t understand where you’re going with this.”

 

“Dude!” Jisung howled. He dropped Seungmin’s hand and rolled off of the bed. He slid open the window and stuck his head out. For a moment, he just stood there and let the warm breeze billow into the room. “Maybe a little bit of your crazy rubbed off on me, dude. Did you not see what happened in class earlier? Felix, of all people, was being a bratty little bitch!”

 

“Hey now,” Seungmin protested.

 

Jisung ignored him. “While Hyunjin… _Hyunjin_! Hyunjin was nice to you.” He turned away from the window to stare at Seungmin as if the boy had grown another set of limbs. “Hwang Hyunjin greeted you. He even called you by your name instead of dipstick or asshole. Back there, he sounded like he was about to speak nice things in your direction. Have I just lost my mind? Is that what it is?” He put a hand to his forehead.

 

To be honest, Seungmin had been wondering about that, too. The Hyunjin thing. The boy had spoken to him and had smiled at him (Seungmin shivered) but also, most surprisingly, he’d styled his long hair just like Mom had done for him the other evening. Seungmin wouldn’t have paid too much attention to any of Hyunjin’s other behavior but the ponytail served as a rather cold reminder that dinner that night had actually happened and wasn’t just some fever dream.

 

“What’s happening?” Jisung circled around the bed. “Why are you staring into space like that? What do you know?”

 

Seungmin snapped himself out of it. “Nothing.”

 

“You’re lying. You’re making that dumb face!”

 

Seungmin covered his face with his hands.

 

Jisung shook his friend by the shoulders. “Tell me what’s going on, you bastard!”

 

“I… He…” Seungmin’s voice came out muffled. “Hyunjin may have helped me.”

 

“Helped you! That’s even worse.” Jisung shook him again. “Did you ask him to kill someone for you? Did he actually do it? I always knew that guy was secretly a hitman.”

 

“Nothing like that.” Seungmin slapped Jisung’s hands away so he could at least think without feeling like he was in an earthquake. “He…” Seungmin hesitated. How much did he tell Jisung? That night had been a bit crazy. Not just the dinner but also all of Hyunjin’s emotional words afterwards. Something like that wouldn’t happen again, right? The two of them wouldn’t spend much more time together because, hahaha, he and Hyunjin? That would never ever _ever_ happen. But... he didn’t want to lie to Jisung. Seungmin steeled his resolve and then dragged his hands away from his face. “Hyunjin walked me home.” It sounded absurd even coming from his own mouth. Even though it was the honest truth. “Last week. The day that it rained. The day you weren’t at school. I had forgotten my umbrella so he offered to walk me home.”

 

Jisung sat down on the edge of the bed. “You’re not making the face. Why aren’t you making the face?”

 

Seungmin sighed. He may as well tell the real kicker. “Hyunjin also had dinner at my house.”

 

“You still aren’t making the face. You _still_ aren’t making the face!”

 

They looked at each other for a long moment.

 

“Holy shit, you’re telling the truth.” Jisung turned away, his face pale as if Seungmin had just admitted to being a serial killer. “This isn’t real. The simulation is glitching.”

 

Well, Seungmin knew one thing: he would not tell Jisung about Hyunjin _liking_ him. Something like that would really make Jisung lose his mind. “It’s just a one-time thing,” Seungmin explained. “Just a whole bunch of really weird circumstances that led us to being at the same place at the same time. I won’t forget my umbrella at the house anymore.” Why did he feel like he was being scolded by his brother?

 

Jisung looked at him. “Just… please don’t get murdered. That’s all I ask.”

 

“I’m not going to get murdered,” Seungmin said. But he actually wasn’t too sure.

 

The door to the nurse’s office swung open, startling them both. Mr. Ok stood there breathing heavily as if he’d been running. He was wearing a different pair of slacks. Even a different dress shirt. Seungmin was genuinely impressed by the man’s speed. He probably had a change of clothes in the teacher’s lounge or something. Mr. Ok walked into the room. “Alright, you two. Back to class. Now.” He waited until the boys were halfway out of the door before he added, “And not a word of this to the art teacher.”

 

On any normal day, it only takes about three minutes to go from the nurse’s office on the first floor to their classroom on the second floor but when you leave two otakus in the hallway alone, several YouTube videos about anime and JRPGs are going to get watched and nearly twenty minutes are going to go by before Seungmin at least pretended to care about class enough to suggest that they go back.

 

In high spirits, Seungmin slid open the classroom door and led the way to their desks.

 

The math teacher, going on and on about integrals or whatever the fuck, stopped in the middle of his lecture to stare at the boys as they entered the room. “Kim Seungmin,” he called out, “Han Jisung. Did you two not realize that class started--” He glanced up at the clock. “--nearly forty-five minutes ago?”

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin said, reaching into his pocket, “I can’t hear you over the sound of this nurse’s note.” He held the slip of paper from Mr. Ok over his head like it was a power-up item in a video game. Actually, it must have been such an item because Jisung hummed the Legend of Zelda ‘item get’ jingle and then the two friends high-fived and sat down in their seats.

 

Seungmin tried his very best to ignore the very soft giggle that floated to his ears from two rows back.

 

The math teacher, on the other hand, looked like he was a breath away from sending the boys out into the hall. He stepped down the aisle close enough to glance at the note but he must have decided against punishing the boys because he turned around and continued on with his lecture. A lecture which Seungmin immediately tuned out.

 

His attention drifted across the aisles to where Felix sat and although the redhead was diligently taking notes on derivatives or what have you, he was still noticeably frowning. The grim expression didn’t suit him. His eyebrows were unmistakably downturned and his pen, gripped tightly in his left hand, scritched over the pages of his notebook in aggressive strokes. He was clearly still in that bad mood from earlier and Seungmin couldn’t help but wonder if that anger he was stewing in had anything to do with last night.

 

Seungmin thought back.

 

The theater had been packed and the group of friends were split up among the rows, lost among the sea of people. Not being able to sit together had been a bummer but the plan had been fragile at best considering how late they were to the auditorium and the fact that they had picked up two additional party members right at the last second. This foiled a lot of plans. Even Minho’s candy-sharing plan had been ruined but that was probably for the best because he was the only one brave enough to eat from that mixed-up candy box anyways. While the two budding couples, Mina and Minho and then Changbin and Dahyun, had lucked out and found pairs of chairs to ease into, Felix hadn’t even given Seungmin the option of sitting with him before running off to find his own seat. That meant Seungmin had been left by himself on the stairs, staring at his two remaining Butterfinger claws with the same kind of shock as if someone had snapped off one of his fingers and run off with it. He had come to the movies to hang out with friends but it didn’t really feel like he’d come with friends. As the movie started, he slowly climbed up the stairs, squinting into the darkness. At first, he was trying to see if he could spot Felix’s bushy hair but more people in this town than he realized had curly hair so then he started looking for a chair to sit in. It wasn’t all that much easier. He had to climb all the way to the top of the stairs and then squeeze his tall and lanky body past twelve or so bony knees before getting to an empty seat.

 

By the time he was sitting, he felt exhausted. All he had wanted was to sit next to Felix but he couldn’t even do that. Spiraling in his misery, he watched the movie but he also didn’t really _watch_ the movie.

 

His mind was everywhere at once.

 

Seungmin was thankful he had successfully excluded Jeongin from the outing tonight but then he also felt like pushing the boy out was a sin and this was some kind of karmic payback because he couldn’t even sit next to the boy he’d done all of this for!

 

And Minho... When Changbin and Felix had told him that Minho was over-the-top and had proposed marriage to everyone, Seungmin hadn’t known that they meant it literally. He wasn’t into Minho at all and he definitely was weirded out by Minho getting down on one knee in front of him, but somehow he actually felt… less special… when he learned that he was just one of _many_ of Minho’s ‘spouses.’ It was like going to the fair and winning a small prize only to look around and realize that everyone won that same prize. When Seungmin took the time to think about it while savoring the flavor of one of his Butterfingers, it was a silly thing to be mad about. No, it was absolutely _stupid_. Of all the things to be upset about, why bother with an overly flirty senior?

 

So Seungmin tried his best to discard the thought.

 

Only for a new thought to pop into his head: the fact that there were only three weeks before summer vacation. There were only three weeks of this love war left. He only had three weeks to get Felix to fall for him and he still couldn’t even be near the guy without losing all of his common sense! He wanted to be bold like Jeongin. Confident. He wanted to be a proper little mastermind who just so happened to walk past parks while Felix was there.

 

But even doing something as simple as inviting Felix to the movies seemed taboo. Seungmin just felt more and more guilty. Felix had already rejected him. Harshly and publicly. Was Seungmin overstepping boundaries by still trying to pursue the boy? Was he crossing the line? Love war or not, no rules or not, Felix had already told him no. So was there anything that he could do to change that?

 

Before Seungmin knew it, the end credits were rolling and the house lights were brightening. An hour and a half had slipped past him and all he’d done was get lost in thought and eat his Butterfingers. He may as well have stayed at home. The massive crowd of movie-goers were stretching and standing up and descending down the stairs in a mass exodus, their voices drowned out almost all of the audio from the movie.

 

Seungmin stayed in his chair, not wanting to get swept up in the tide of bodies.

 

He spotted Dahyun and Changbin first. A few rows down and towards the center. Was his angle weird or were they holding hands? No. No. Dahyun was holding her phone. Wait. No. That was her purse. Right? Yeah. Changbin was standing up now. They weren’t holding hands… but they might have been. Seungmin stood up and hopped down the stairs to meet up with them at the end of the aisle.

 

“That shit was scary as hell,” Seungmin said with faux-enthusiasm. He hadn’t seen a thing.

 

“I know!” Changbin agreed, clenching his fists. “I was actually on the edge of my seat.”

 

Dahyun shrugged. “It was alright.”

 

Changbin switched up his answer. “Yeah, it was just okay. I’ve seen better.”

 

Seungmin frowned at him to which Changbin simply shrugged. Seungmin said, “I thought it was good. Very tense and atmospheric. Amazing tension.” If he just slapped enough words together, it would sound like an intelligent review. “And those visual effects!”

 

“The best thing I’ve seen in awhile,” Changbin switched up his opinion again.

 

“Hell yeah!” This was Minho shouting up at them from a few rows down.

 

“Don’t climb over the chairs,” Changbin warned him. “What if you trip and chop your fucking head off on an armrest?”

 

Minho didn’t listen. He climbed over another row, making his way towards them.

 

“The sound design was good, too,” Seungmin said, still making shit up as he went along. “It really got inside my head.”

 

Minho wheezed as he swung his leg over another row of chairs. He nearly knocked a cup of soda over with his leg. “Do you see my goddamn hands?” He risked throwing off his balance to hold them up. “You can see where I dug my nails into my palms. That’s how freaked out I was.”

 

Mina, who walked up the stairs normally, reached them long before Minho did. She enunciated, “I am very impressed by the acting. I very much like the way the actress uses her body.” She bent her fingers like they were animal claws to demonstrate.

 

“That is one thing I’m curious about,” said Minho, breathless. He swung himself over the last row of chairs between them and squeezed in between Seungmin and Mina. “They must have circus contortionists as body doubles. How else do you get a human body to fold like that?”

 

“I think it’s CGI,” Changbin reasoned. “Because a lot of that shit I don’t even think a pro could do.”

 

“You’d be surprised,” Seungmin said. “Legitimate contortionists can really bend their bodies into unusual shapes. It’s disturbing, really.” He knew this just from clicking one too many times on his YouTube recommended list. “People have to be crazy to want to halfway break themselves like that.”

 

“It’s so fucking cool to watch,” said Dahyun. “I know all the bone breaking sound effects were added in but that’s such a unique art.”

 

Changbin asked, “So you _did_ like the movie? I knew you were being all uncaring just to be cool.”

 

“Shut the hell up,” Dahyun said, rolling her eyes. She had the tiniest of smiles on her face, though.

 

Seungmin realized that they were missing one of their crew. He glanced over his shoulder at the rows of steadily emptying chairs behind him. He didn’t see Felix until the boy was almost right in front of him, walking down the row of chairs towards them. Seungmin didn’t know what came over him. He had only intended to reach out for Felix’s arm or wrist and guide the boy into the weird, lopsided circle of their conversation but he misjudged the distance and wound up wrapping his hand around Felix’s fingers instead. More surprising than that, Felix turned his wrist a little so that they were more properly holding hands and then he allowed Seungmin to pull him into the space between Seungmin and Dahyun. No. No. Even more surprising than that was that Felix did not immediately let go of him.

 

They were holding hands. They were holding hands. They were holding hands!

 

Seungmin’s heart immediately began to race. He couldn’t believe it! Even looking down at their hands, he couldn’t believe it.

 

“The scariest part,” Changbin intoned, “was when the priest heard that crackling noise and spun around--”

 

“--and the evil girl spirit was _right there_!” Minho enthusiastically completed the sentence. “I thought I was going to die.”

 

“You did scream a lot,” said Mina, nodding. “Very loud. Very high.”

 

“That was _you_ ,” Dahyun asked incredulously. She snorted back laughter. “I thought someone had brought their toddler into the movie.”

 

Felix laughed.

 

Minho puffed out his chest. “I was practicing my voice acting. Didn’t you guys know? That’s what I want to do after I graduate.”

 

“Yeah, right.” Seungmin waved a dismissive hand.

 

“So you were practicing by screaming during a horror movie?” Changbin inquired.

 

“It’s true,” Minho said quickly. But it was clear from his blushing red face that he was just covering his own ass. “Maybe I’ll show off all the different voices I can do later.”

 

Felix hummed, “Mmhmm.”

 

“You were very afraid,” Mina told on Minho. “You were very close to dropping our popcorn on the young lady in front of us. She almost was upset.”

 

“You got popcorn?” asked Changbin. “You took all of my candy and _then_ bought more food?” He pretended to raise his fist.

 

“I’ll buy you some damn M&Ms,” replied Minho, flinching backwards with a nervous laugh.

 

“That part was pretty scary,” Seungmin got the conversation back on track. “I would have screamed myself.” _If I had actually seen it_ , he finished in his head.

 

“My favorite part,” said Felix, “was near the beginning when the demon first took control of that girl and all of the windows shattered. Gave me chills.”

 

“Imagine the clean-up,” Dahyun mumbled.

 

“Yeah,” Seungmin hastily agreed. He only remembered bits and pieces of the movie like he was recalling a dream. “And that one part where all the lights blew out? Wild.” He forced a laugh, hoping no one would catch on to the fact that he hadn’t actually been watching.

 

“I wouldn’t mind doing that, myself,” said Felix. “Working on movie sets, I mean.”

 

Seungmin turned to look at him. Even in the low-lighting of the theater, Felix seemed to radiate beauty and light. His smile was so contagiously brilliant and his teeth were so cute and small and round.

 

And his hand was so soft.

 

Fuck. He’d nearly forgotten.

 

Seungmin made a conscious decision to let go of Felix’s hand. Not that he wanted to stop holding it. No. The exact opposite. All he wanted to do was hold it. If there was one thing that he could do for the rest of his life, it would be to hold Felix’s hand. To hug him all of the time and, of course, make out with him a bit. Seungmin did not want to let go but his palm was getting sweaty from nerves and the last thing he wanted to do was gross Felix out with the ridiculous amount of moisture his body was producing. So he let go. Yet, even after he released Felix’s hand, it still took the boy another long second to let go of Seungmin.

 

An eternity could have fit in that one breath. A million heartbeats could have happened in that space. Seungmin felt like he was flying. Felix had _held onto_ him! It had felt like such a natural and easy thing. It was the most basic of skin contact but it had been tasty and comfortable like a big slice of carrot cake. Hell, they had just been casually holding hands right there in front of everyone and no one had batted an eyelash. Seungmin looked over at Felix, wanting more than anything to catch a hint of the boy’s expression. Was he sad that he had to let go? Did he want to keep holding hands? At any point in the rest of the night, would he attempt to hold Seungmin’s hand again? Were they going to get married and adopt babies and live in a cute apartment in Seoul and buy furniture together and throw dinner parties with their friends?

 

Or was Felix just relieved that the weirdo had finally stopped touching him?

 

None of Seungmin’s questions were answered at that moment because Felix was busy leaning around Dahyun to say something to Changbin and the two of them were going back and forth excitedly, hands waving wildly in their discussion. Seungmin overheard the word ‘possessed’ and knew the two were talking about the movie and not something cute like how long the two of them had held hands. The hand holding really couldn’t have been but for two minutes, if that, but it had been the most important and daring moment of Seungmin’s life. When he had reached out, he hadn’t even meant to do it but when he realized what he’d done, he’d gotten bold and held on because, fuck it, you only live once! Such a daring move had resulted in something good and sweet and now all he could focus on doing was _not_ lifting his left hand to his nose to see if he could smell Felix on his skin.

 

“Seungmin, you ok?” Minho asked, waving a hand in front of the boy’s face. “You don’t have an evil spirit in there, do ya?”

 

Seungmin blinked. “No. I’m fine.” He looked around. They were the last group of people still in the auditorium. The ushers were already buzzing through the lower rows with their brooms and dustpans, cleaning up the horrendous mess left behind.

 

“I thought the scariest part was when the old man died,” Dahyun said. “As many horror movies as I watch but I still get queasy when something happens to people’s eyes.” She visibly shuddered. “I can take almost any other kind of body horror except that. Like that one movie that came out a few years ago and the opening scene was that lady whose eyes popped out her head? I couldn’t take it.”

 

“Interesting.” Changbin tapped his chin in contemplation. “I didn’t know Miss Iron Nerves had a weakness.”

 

Dahyun flipped her gold hair over her shoulder. “Don’t think you’re slick. You still put your hand over your eyes when there is a sex scene.”

 

“Hey!” Changbin whined. “I’ve gotten past that.”

 

Everyone laughed at him. Seungmin sighed in relief. He didn’t know exactly why but he just felt very happy and he didn’t want the night to end.

 

Sadly, Minho didn’t care about that. “Shit, you guys,” he hollered. “It’s eleven-thirty. I have to go!”

 

“I need to get home as well,” said Mina. She pulled her phone out of her purse and checked what seemed to be a few text messages.

 

That was all it took. Everyone said their goodbyes and started down the stairs. Not wanting to lose another chance, Seungmin reached out and gently grabbed Felix’s shoulder. “Hey.”

 

The redhead looked up at him. “What’s up, man?” His smile was so dazzling this close up and his eyes were so big and sparkly and wonderful.

 

Seungmin thought he had a big hot-air balloon in his chest, filling up his lungs with heat. Was this what wanting to kiss someone felt like? He wanted to ask Felix if they could keep hanging out. If they could just walk along the boardwalk under the moon and gaze out at the dark expanse of the ocean at night but, instead, all he said was “See you at school tomorrow?”

 

Felix had only nodded and said--

 

_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!_

 

Seungmin startled awake. “Shit,” he hissed under his breath, his heart pounding in his chest.

 

Class was over. The bell had just rung. Everyone was standing up, slapping notebooks closed, hopping over chairs to go talk with their friends. Seungmin hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep. He wiped at his eyes.

 

“Sleeping Beauty finally wakes up,” Jisung commented, stuffing his work in his backpack. All of the keychains dangling from it jingled cacophonously like all of the bells outside of a shrine. “Did your prince kiss you?”

 

Instinctively, Seungmin glanced over to where Felix sat only to spot an empty chair.

 

“Ugh. Never mind,” Jisung groaned. “Forget I made that analogy.” He stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I’m gonna make a student store run. Want anything?”

 

“A can of black coffee,” Seungmin stated. He usually didn’t drink the stuff but he clearly hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night and if he barely made it through first period, there would probably be no chance he’d get through the rest of the day without falling asleep in every class.

 

“Gotcha.” Jisung left the room, taking all of his keychain noise with him.

 

Seungmin took a moment to gather his things. He must have really been knocked out because there was a slight puddle of dampness on the front of his composition notebook that couldn’t be anything _but_ drool. He wiped it off with a spare tissue and began shoving everything into his bag. Felix was all he could think about. Had he said or done something last night that had made Felix angry today? He had thought about it and thought about it but he couldn’t think of anything that had made Felix act so rudely at the start of class. Seungmin took several seconds to convince himself that Felix had his own life and was more than likely mad at a hundred things and none of those hundred things were him. At least he hoped. Ugh. He needed some fresh air. If he left now, he’d have time to just sit outside and maybe come up with a new poem before second period started.

 

He stood up and made his way to the end of the aisle to leave the classroom.

 

Felix holding his hand had felt so _right_. The sensation was so burned into Seungmin’s body that he could feel it at that exact moment. Warm and gentle, a light amount of strength.

 

“Seungmin.”

 

When he squeezed his hand, it was like he was back in the theater squeezing Felix’s hand.

 

“Seungmin.”

 

Seungmin snapped out of it. Wasn’t he daydreaming? Why could he still feel Felix holding his hand?

 

He looked down. It almost didn’t click in his head at first. When it finally did, he startled and took a step back. It was Hyunjin holding his hand. The boy was still seated at his desk and had reached out to stop Seungmin as he’d walked past. “I tried to give this back to you earlier,” Hyunjin said simply.

 

“Huh?” Seungmin wondered.

 

Hyunjin pulled something out of his shirt pocket with his free hand and slid it onto Seungmin’s wrist.

 

Seungmin had to look at it for an awkwardly long second before he recognized it as Mom’s pink hair tie. That’s right! “Oh yeah,” he exhaled. “I almost forgot about this.” _You should have, too,_ he thought. It had probably cost next to nothing which was why Mom had put it in Hyunjin’s hair in the first place. “Thanks.”

 

Hyunjin nodded and let go. Then he went back to highlighting something in his notebook.

 

Seungmin walked out of the classroom with nitro speed and a brand new desire to get outside and breathe in some fresh air.

 

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

 

Was Hyunjin going to keep trying to talk to him? That was wild. He was under the impression they were friends, after all. “Oh my god,” Seungmin breathed out. He made a dash for the stairs and took them two at a time. The whole while, he scratched at his wrist where Mom’s hair tie now was. It irritated him. Oddly. To have this thing. To have Hyunjin care about it enough to keep track of it over an entire weekend and then _give it back_. Seungmin would have been less offended if the dude had just kept it. At the very least, it would have been easier.

 

Ugh. Why was his wrist so itchy? Did Hyunjin have lice or something?

 

Seungmin pushed open the doors that led to an inner courtyard where a handful of wooden tables and chairs were set up beneath a row of small trees. Seungmin breathed in and out. The outdoor air, though a little humid, still smelled faintly of the beach and calmed his nerves.

 

He scratched at his wrist again. This time, it bothered him enough to look down at it. The hair tie wasn’t just the hair tie. A piece of paper had been folded and folded again and then tied around the elastic band of the hair tie like a wish left on a tree branch. Seungmin untied it from the hair tie and began to unfold it only to realize what it was.

 

A letter.

 

From Hyunjin.

 

He stopped short, his fingers still in the middle of pulling apart the folds. Seungmin could catch just a glimpse of the paper. College ruled. Torn from a notebook. Covered in simple handwriting.

 

“A letter,” he said out loud because, good lord, there could be anything on here. A confession. Another invitation to a rooftop rendezvous. A death threat. A non-disclosure agreement. Answers to tonight’s homework. A dungeon map. Top secret government info. It could be _anything_ but if it was Hyunjin, it also could only be one thing. Seungmin swallowed hard. “This…” He could barely get the words out. He couldn’t even see what was written on the stupid sheet of paper but the possibilities still scared him. “This isn’t liking me quietly,” he whispered.

 

Without opening it any further, without reading it, he tossed the letter in a nearby trash can and then made his way to class.


	12. In Which Things That Should Be Simple Are Actually Ridiculously Difficult

“And yeah, it’s true that I’m a little bit intense, right?

But can you blame me when you keep me on the fence, like?

And I’ve been waiting, hoping that you’d wanna text, like.”

 

Crush by Tessa Violet

 

“This is going to break my heart, isn’t it,” asked Seungmin with a long-winded sigh. “This is going to fuck me up spiritually. I mean, it’s just gonna _destroy_ me.” He stared down at the crumpled sheets of notebook paper in his hands, taking in the tiny and kind of sideways handwriting and all of the crossed-out words and eraser marks. He could tell at a glance that a lot of effort and passion went into carefully wording the unformatted block of text, but… “I’m going to read this and it’s going to make me feel sad. I just know it. Not even the I’m-gonna-cry sad but the this-is-pathetic sad.”

 

In the row ahead of him, Jisung said, “Ouch, dude. That’s excessive.” Most of his attention was on the stack of index cards on his desk, which he flipped through while wielding a highlighter. “You need to apologize.”

 

“It’s going to be tough reading this, is all I’m trying to say.”

 

They were in the middle of second period but the teacher, having needed to attend to something urgent, had allowed the class to take a break while she left the room. Of course, in a classroom full of second-years, this basically meant ‘have a free-for-all’ and most of the students were gathered in groups around the room chatting and sharing snacks and reapplying makeup and taking selfies.

 

“Still,” said Jisung, highlighting something on one of his cards, “you could have come up with a nicer way to say you don’t want to read it.”

 

“Well… I don’t want to read it,” said Seungmin with his whole chest.

 

Jisung stopped his studying. “But I need you to read it.”

 

Seungmin poked his bottom lip out in a pout. “I don’t _wanna_!”

 

Jisung turned around in his chair so that he could prop his elbows up on Seungmin’s desk. “Best friend, it’s just my essay for Sociology. I need you to look it over since you’re so good at writing and all.”

 

“I’m not good at writing. I just… write a lot.”

 

Jisung rolled his eyes. “Is there that big of a difference?”

 

Seungmin flipped the last page over to see that Jisung’s handwriting progressively deteriorated and, somehow, got even _smaller_ as the essay sped towards its conclusion like an eighteen-wheeler with faulty brakes speeding down a hill. “You’d be surprised how big of a difference there is.”

 

“I still think you’re good at writing, best friend. I think you’re _great_ at it. Which is why you should be able to spot all my fuck ups and help me get at least a B!”

 

Seungmin looked up. “I’ve got a feeling you’ve butchered the Korean language and when I try to read through it, all of the grammar issues and spelling errors are going to make me cry.” He put a finger on his cheek and slid it down his jaw like he was imitating a tear.

 

“Best friend, that is why I’m asking you to proofread it.” Jisung spoke through his teeth with an extreme amount of patience. He sat up, rummaged around in his desk and then held out a red gel pen. “Mark it the hell up if you have to. Just look it over and give it back to me after school or something. That would be great. Thanks.”

 

“Wait.” Seungmin didn’t make a move to take the pen. “Hold on. I haven’t actually agreed to this!”

 

Jisung stuck the red pen in Seungmin’s front shirt pocket. He whined, “Best friend!”

 

Technically, Seungmin had his own batch of worksheets and textbook assignments to rush through before he had to hand them in during his afternoon classes but then he thought about all of the times Jisung had helped him slap together homework at the very last second and figured that he might actually owe the dude a thing or two after the past school year. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

 

The smile that tugged at Jisung’s lips could put the sun to shame. “I knew I could count on you, best friend. I put my all into this.”

 

There was the loud, ear-grating sound of a chair scraping across the floor. Seungmin looked over at the source of the noise to see Felix get up from his desk. The boy hesitated for a brief moment before coming to a decision. Then he walked down the aisle with quite some speed. It seemed like he was moving straight towards the door.

 

Seungmin reached out a hand and was both surprised and thrilled when Felix actually stopped next to his desk. “Felix,” he said quietly.

 

“Yeah?” The boy looked at him, his mouth still downturned in a frown. His sadness or frustration or anger… It actually made Seungmin’s heart hurt a little. Whatever had upset Felix that morning had really and truly gotten its evil claws in the boy because Felix had wallowed in this uncharacteristic dark mood for nearly two entire classes.

 

“Where are you going?” Seungmin wondered. He tried to keep his tone as neutral and non-invasive as possible.

 

The question still must have irritated Felix. He rolled his eyes. “Out.” A moment passed. His rudeness must have made him feel guilty because he backpedaled a bit and, more gently, said, “Just need some water. That’s all.”

 

It was an obvious lie. “Are… you okay?” Seungmin asked, genuinely concerned. His hand, which he still had raised in the air like a crossguard stopping traffic, found a new home wrapping gently around Felix’s wrist. “What’s wrong? Can you tell me?”

 

Felix inhaled sharply and then lowered his gaze to the floor. Seungmin couldn’t help the thought that now would be the time to stand up and lean close and say something reassuring into Felix’s ear. Now would be the time to lift Felix’s head by his chin and kiss his pretty, soft mouth. Now would be the time to run his fingers through Felix’s hair and make everything better.

 

But Seungmin didn’t do any of those things. He couldn’t. He… shouldn’t.

 

Across from him, Felix appeared to relax. Microscopically. He opened his mouth as if to say whatever was troubling him but then he looked over at Jisung for a long second before turning back to Seungmin with his guard immediately back up. “It’s nothing.”

 

Feeling unwanted in the conversation, Jisung harrumphed and turned away, pretending to go back to studying.

 

“It’s clearly not nothing.” Seungmin lowered his voice. He stood up to face Felix on a more equal playing field and whispered, “You’ve been in a bad mood all morning and it’s so unlike you.”

 

“Unlike me?” Felix asked, scoffing. His voice pierced through the noise of conversation around them. “Are you saying I can’t ever be upset?” He pulled his wrist free of Seungmin’s grasp and the sudden separation felt like the whole world was breaking apart. Felix started to walk around Seungmin but the tall boy side-stepped into his path.

 

Seungmin chose his next words very carefully. “I’m just saying that I would like to help if I can.”

 

Felix didn’t respond at first and his silence, his quiet fuming, made Seungmin fear he had crossed some line. Felix glanced around the room, taking in the sight of all of their classmates lounging across their desks as if they weren’t technically still in the middle of class. It was clear by the slight blush across his cheeks that whatever had upset him was quite personal or, at the very least, personal enough to not be spoken of in a crowded classroom. After what felt like an entire minute had passed, Felix met Seungmin’s gaze. “I’ll tell you later.”

 

“Promise?” Seungmin asked, backing out of Felix’s way. He had held the boy up long enough.

 

Once again, Felix took a while to answer. “I’ll meet up with you after class.” Not exactly a promise but it was better than nothing. He brushed past Seungmin and continued on his way down the aisle and out the door.

 

Exhausted, Seungmin flopped down into his chair. Had he actually accomplished anything? Because it felt like he’d just lost the game. If Jeongin had been watching, he’d laugh in Seungmin’s face. And then maybe point and jeer. And then probably ask Felix the very same question but then actually get an answer. Probably. Maybe.

 

Jisung turned around in his seat again and propped his elbow up on Seungmin’s desk. “Sorry, dude,” he said with a wicked sneer. “I don’t think your Charisma stat was high enough to impress him.”

 

Ouch. Dragging a hand over his face, Seungmin moaned, “Can I re-roll my stats? I don’t like this loadout.”

 

“Nope. Sorry. I don’t make the rules.”

 

“But you’re the DM. You literally make the rules.”

 

“Fine. You can’t re-roll. My rules.”

 

“What am I supposed to do, though? My stats are so unoptimized! Really, who needs all of this Constitution?”

 

“You can always create a new character. Maybe focus on Intelligence this time.”

 

“I should go after him,” Seungmin declared.

 

“Pssh,” Jisung waved a hand. “I’m going to need you to do a Bravery check. No modifiers.”

 

Seungmin rolled an imaginary pair of dice onto his desk.

 

Jisung made a face. “A four. Sorry, you’re not brave enough to do that action.”

 

This made Seungmin groan. Of course, a pair of invisible dice wasn’t the actual explanation behind why he couldn’t get up and follow Felix out into the hall but he was definitely about to use such a reason as an excuse to lean back in his chair and stare up at the ceiling instead of dash out into the hall and probably make a fool of himself in front of his crush again. Why couldn’t life really be like a role-playing game where success was based on stats? He would be a Paladin for sure! Or maybe a Bard would be more appropriate. Hmmm.

 

“Alright, let’s get back to what really matters: me and my essay,” Jisung announced.

 

“I said I would do it.”

 

“And I appreciate that, best friend, but I need you to understand that that thing is my baby. I gave birth to it. I was pregnant with it for nine months.”

 

“You didn’t even have Sociology nine months ago.”

 

Jisung slapped his hand on Seungmin’s desk indignantly, making Seungmin startle. “That’s not the point. Don’t lose it! It’s my only copy. Do you know how long I stayed up working on it? I did actual fucking _research_ , man. Do you know how tough that is? Databases were involved! We had to use,” he dramatically paused, “ _multiple sources_! I had to memorize things, goddammit.”

 

He was telling the truth. This was evident in the numerous notes and bullet point lists shoehorned into the margins on the pages of the essay. The fact that Jisung wasn’t waiting until the day the assignment was due to sneak into the computer lab to try to rush through it was astounding. We can call that growth, perhaps. Seungmin asked, “Jisung, I thought you hated homework and studying?”

 

“I do. Everyone sane does. But Teach is serious about this final paper being worth like twenty percent of our grade or whatever and I’m really trying to graduate on time.”

 

That was a sentiment Seungmin could agree on. He didn’t like to think of it too often but, wow, he really only had one more year of high school left. There was only one more year of life being smooth sailing and sunny skies before the storm hit. Seungmin would have to start living in the fucking real world dangerously soon and the last thing he wanted to do was grow up.

 

“Who wants to grow up?” Jisung asked very seriously. Of course, Seungmin had voiced his concerns aloud. “Just last year, I thought I wanted to be grown because I was just a stupid kid who hated how strict my parents… used to be.” He hesitated for a moment, clearly getting distracted by his own spiraling thoughts. “But after… But when I visited my sister last week and saw how stressed she was with bills and kids and a spouse and a job she hates… Well, let’s just say that being an adult isn’t fucking worth it and I really do wish I could be seventeen forever.”

 

What a dream. “I know, right?” Seungmin rolled up Jisung’s essay draft and crammed it into his pants pocket. He was officially accepting the task of proofreading the thing. The plan was to get around to it once second period was over. Perhaps piss off to the library during third period or maybe push through it during lunch. He was reminded of the scholarship essay his brother had made him look over a month or so ago and, all over again, it dawned on him that his brother was really about to go off to _college_. It would actually be the first time his brother would be away longer than a weekend for an out of town tennis match. No, it would actually be the first time their family would be split up since their parents got divorced. Seungmin missed him already and his bro wouldn’t even be leaving for another few months. Sure, they fought all of the time but what siblings didn’t? He loved his brother. “Woojin’s been doing nothing but talking about entrance exams and financial aid applications and savings accounts lately and I’m getting second-degree anxiety.” Certainly, he would have to go through a similar nightmare in a year’s time.

 

“Has he made a decision about where he’s going yet?” Jisung wondered. “For college?”

 

“He’s going all the way to fucking Seoul. He landed an athletic scholarship.”

 

“Wow. Across the country?” Jisung whistled, impressed. He lowered his chin down onto his arms and stared at the swirl patterns on Seungmin’s desk. “How are things gonna go with him and Jihyo?”

 

Seungmin shrugged. That was something he didn’t know much about. “I’m just speculating but they may go their separate ways after summer break.” It was impossible to think about. Woojin and Jihyo had been together since junior high and Seungmin had honestly gotten so used to her presence in the house that he legitimately thought of her as his sister-in-law already. “All I know is that Woojin cares too much about tennis to give it up and Jihyo’s parents want her to take part in the family business after she graduates so I doubt they will be okay with her traipsing off to Seoul to tag along after some boy.” In other words, he thought, their relationship might be doomed? Ugh. This is why he didn’t want to grow up. Who needed college or nepotism ruining your good time? He just wanted to care about _today_. “Or maybe the two of them will say screw it to sports and big companies and just live happily ever after in Wonderland somewhere? Wow. This got really serious. Can we talk about something else?”

 

“Sure,” Jisung readily agreed. “How about your boyfriend?”

 

Like a compass always pointing to magnetic north, Seungmin’s head turned towards Felix’s empty desk.

 

“No. The other one.”

 

“What!?” Seungmin jolted upright, banging his knee on the underside of his desk. “Fuck. Shut up!” Jisung had definitely said all of that loud enough for anyone to hear. Seungmin spun around in his seat but the desk two rows behind him was empty.

 

Jisung threw his head back and laughed. “Don’t worry, dude. He’s been out of class for a while. Since before the break.”

 

“You’ve been paying attention?”

 

“I’m just trying to make sure you don’t get murdered!” Jisung exclaimed. “Plus, I thought you should know he’s not here.”

 

“Why do you think I care?”

 

Jisung shrugged.

 

“Whatever,” mumbled Seungmin. He lowered his voice. “He’s not my boyfriend. Never will be.”

 

“You should give him a chance to steal your heart.” Jisung was clearly poking fun at him.

 

His best friend picked up on it. “I’ll steal _your_ heart.” Seungmin put on an imaginary mask and then slid on an equally imaginary pair of red gloves.

 

Jisung knew what he was referring to immediately. He put on his own pretend mask and got up out of his chair with a flourish. “Here’s an advance notice. I’m going to take your treasure.” A different franchise but, hey, it works.

 

“Phantom thief versus phantom thief?” Seungmin asked, joining Jisung in the aisle.

 

Jisung raised a confident eyebrow and couldn’t help the smirk that toyed with the corner of his lips.

 

The classroom disappeared.

 

The walls fell away. The floor evaporated.

 

Around them appeared the flashy interior of a casino. Gaudy chandeliers and damask wallpaper formed where incandescent lights and whitewash paint used to be. The slot machines played their music and flashed their multicolored lights. Masked dealers at the poker tables shuffled their cards or tended to their games. The students of 2-F morphed into greedy patrons dressed in designer suits and sequined dresses, lounging back in plush chairs with flutes of champagne in their hands and fat cigars between their lips. Poker chips dropped from between fingers and piles of cash, diamonds and expensive watches were slid across tables as players sought their fortunes and bet on their lives.

 

What a perfect place for thieves.

 

“You think you can steal my treasure,” Seungmin said in his most dramatic voice. His trench coat flapped in the wind behind him even though they were indoors. “Do you even know what my treasure can do?”

 

“I can ask you the same thing. What makes you so sure you can steal my heart? What truth do you think is locked away inside of it? What part of me do you think I’m trying to hide?” It was Jisung who pulled his body into a fighting stance first, drawing his gun. Without warning, he fired.

 

Pew~ Pew~ Red laser beams shot out from his weapon aimed right at Seungmin’s head.

 

Seungmin barely had time to duck beneath the blasts before they burned holes through the wall behind him, sending sparks flying. When he stood back up, he readjusted his red gloves as heroically as possible. “Alright. Let’s get serious then.”

 

“You talk too much to be a silent protagonist,” Jisung quipped.

 

“And you won’t have the heart to joke once I take away your pride!”

 

They faced off. Jisung kicked at him but Seungmin blocked the blow with his forearm. He countered with a right hook that almost clipped Jisung’s chin. He danced backwards, giving himself some room. “Not good enough,” he proclaimed, lowering the brim of his top hat so that it covered more of his face.

 

It was an obvious taunt but Seungmin fell for it. He lunged forward with a left hook. Jisung gracefully twisted his body away from the punch and then kicked out, getting Seungmin square in the chest.

 

Only a handful of the casino patrons glanced in their direction, most of them still too caught up in their conversations and games. Good. Their fight wouldn’t have much of an audience.

 

“Is that all you’ve got?” Seungmin gasped out, rubbing his chest.

 

Jisung smirked slyly. He had one more trick. “Kaitou change!” Jisung shouted, summoning the power of the Lupin collection.

 

_MASQUERAISE!_

 

He twisted the combination lock on his gun and then fired it again. Instead of another laser beam, a calling card flew out of it, growing larger and larger until it was bigger than Jisung. The card flew back towards Jisung before merging with him. There was a flash of dazzling, powerful light as his outfit became replaced by the red and black suit and shining helmet of a Lupinranger. He struck a stylish pose for effect. “LupinRed,” he introduced himself.

 

Now it was Seungmin’s turn. “Persona!” He gripped his white mask. Blue fire swarmed around him, towering up towards the ceiling. It burned bright and hot, filling him with unimaginable strength. A pair of flaming red eyes appeared from the blue fire, followed closely by a wide open mouth full of jagged teeth. “Arsene!” Seungmin called out the name of the power that slept inside him. Maniacal laughter echoed from the fire. The flames exploded away, revealing a vicious-looking horned thing that looked both at home and completely out of place in its elegant, fitted red suit and exceptionally pointy top hat.

 

Jisung and Seungmin stared each other down. Just their fighting spirit alone was enough to summon a terrible wind and send objects all around the casino flying, crashing into walls, shattering all over the floor, busting out lights. None of the patrons seemed to mind the chaos, however. They only had eyes for their gambling games.

 

Seungmin decided to make the first move. He pulled a knife from his trench coat sleeve and was about to make a dash for his opponent when his teacher’s voice cracked the illusion wide open.

 

“Alright, class, back to your seats.” She slid the door shut behind her.

 

The classroom reappeared, extremely beige and cramped and kind of dingy in comparison to the lit-up and luxurious casino Seungmin had just been in. “Next time,” he muttered at his opponent.

 

Jisung laughed and then eased down into his seat. He cheekily whispered, “You wouldn’t have stood a chance against me anyway.”

 

“Really?” Seungmin whispered back. “You think you can best me in combat?”

 

“I _know_ I can,” Jisung said with a grin.

 

“Alright,” the teacher called out. “Quiet, everyone. Back to your desks. Please.” Slowly, order was restored in the classroom. Students trudged back to their chairs and silence began to settle over the room, everyone’s attention now focused on the teacher as she wiped off the board and got her lesson plan back in order. “Seems like we have a couple students missing,” the teacher muttered. She glanced around the room, taking in the empty desks. She sighed and leaned up against the podium at the front of the class. “I thought I asked for no one to leave the room? Wasn’t that the one rule?”

 

Seungmin glanced around. Felix was still gone. He’d been out for several minutes now. If he was going to get water like he claimed, he’d have been back long before now. He hoped the boy wasn’t getting into some kind of trouble somewhere. Seungmin stood up before he even realized what he was doing.

 

“Yes, Kim Seungmin,” their teacher asked. “What is it?”

 

“I know where Felix is.” He did not know where Felix was.

 

“Can you go fetch him, please?”

 

“Sure thing,” Seungmin agreed, nodding.

 

“Anyone know where Hyunjin got to?” She glanced from face to face but no one seemed to be all too concerned about the bad boy being absent. The teacher continued, “I’d like to go over this next lesson while everyone is here.”

 

Ignoring Jisung’s pleading can-I-come-with-you eyes, Seungmin turned towards the door and ducked out into the hall. He officially had a mission. What should he do? Be a spy in the Cold War hunting down an informant? Or a ninja sneaking into a heavily guarded fortress to assassinate a shogun? In this fashion, he ran through scenario after scenario in his head as he aimlessly wandered the empty and eerily quiet second floor. He peeped through windows into other classrooms and then checked the stalls in the boy’s bathrooms at either end of the long hall. Felix was nowhere to be found. Seungmin took to the stairs, headed to the first floor. He should be a monster hunter trying to solo a really tough and fearsome beast. No, no, no, he should be a ghost hunter slipping through the maze-like hallways of some haunted mansion!  

 

Perfect.

 

As he walked down the stairs from the second to the first floor, day turned to night outside. The lights cut out and the building aged considerably, deteriorating before his eyes. There was only the faint and silvery light of the moon coming in through the mansion’s tall and dusty windows now, barely illuminating the cold stairwell.

 

Cobwebs hung as thick as curtains in the corners. Dust covered the floor, revealing just how long it had been since someone had walked the halls of this place. He pushed open the door to the first floor, it’s squeaking hinges sounded awfully loud in the quiet place.

 

He stopped suddenly. Had he heard distant laughing or was that the noisy door playing tricks on his ears? Seungmin shook his head and eased the door shut behind him. He walked down the hallway, shining his flashlight into every dark corner but even the faint beam of light couldn’t truly chase away the shadows. Something moved behind him. He was sure. Seungmin whirled around but, of course, the hallway was empty behind him; a claustrophobic tunnel of rotting floorboards and peeling paint.

 

“He must be around here somewhere,” Seungmin whispered. He paused at a corner and peered around it to get a feel for the path that lay ahead of him. There was a powerful ghost there. He could feel its presence even though he couldn’t quite see it yet. There was a new chill to the air. Seungmin gulped. How could he get past it? It must have sensed his presence as well. Even as he stood there watching, the ghost was starting to manifest more and more, wavering between worlds.

 

Silvery hair, deep black eyes, wrinkled clothes.

 

That was a boss if he ever did see one.

 

Seungmin checked his life bar. Just under half. Yikes. He looked through his inventory. One healing item and a handful of powerful film and that was it. This is what he got for rushing through levels and not doing any exploring! He loaded the camera in his hands with the film and steeled his nerves. There was no way he could slip past the ghost without attracting its attention so he would have to fight it head-on and hope that he could play this perfectly enough to get away unscathed.

 

Fortunately, he played games like this on Hard Mode all of the time.

 

Seungmin stepped around the corner, walking down the hallway with brand new determination. He raised the camera in his hands in front of his face and peered through the lens. The device let him see the ghost more clearly, more sharply. He could see the brutal scars on its pale skin. The cuts and burns of a tortured soul who could find no rest even in death. Now Seungmin was close enough to hear its pained murmurings. The spirit turned its black eyes towards him, raising its hands like it was ready and willing to drag Seungmin to the afterlife. Seungmin got the ghost in the dead center of the camera frame. The device vibrated in his hands as the ghost came ever closer. He waited until the last second and--

 

\-- _click_!

 

The flash went off. The ghost winced at the brightness. It undulated in and out of existence as it recoiled. Seungmin didn’t have time to relax, though. Already, the ghost was recovering and coming at him again, clearly enraged and baring its jagged, crooked teeth.

 

Panicking, Seungmin didn’t get the ghost in focus, he didn’t center it in the frame. He clicked the shutter too quickly to get off a powerful shot. Although the flash went off, the ghost barely responded. It approached Seungmin with rapid speed, howling. It reached for the camera and snatched the device out of Seungmin’s hands before the boy could push the shutter again.

 

“Did you just take a flippin’ picture of me?” Jeongin asked shrilly.

 

It was daytime again. The mansion and the ghosts were gone in a blink. Now it was just Seungmin and Jeongin squaring off in the hallway. “I did not,” Seungmin said quickly.

 

Jeongin turned the phone around so that Seungmin could see the screen. “Than what the heck is this shiitake?” On the screen was an extremely out of focus photo of Jeongin’s face just as he was about to take the phone out of Seungmin’s hand.

 

“You were a ghost,” Seungmin admitted. “And you were blocking my story progress.”

 

Jeongin handed Seungmin’s phone back to him. “Luigi’s Mansion?”

 

Seungmin slapped his palm over his face. No. No no no no! Not even close. Not even _close_! “Get your bitch ass to class,” Seungmin told him. It wouldn’t even be worth the trouble trying to correct him.

 

“I can say the same thing to you,” Jeongin talked back.

 

“No, you can’t. You’d probably say ‘get your bumblebee booty to class’ or something.”

 

Jeongin frowned. “That’s not how I talk.”

 

“You most certainly do. Can you not hear yourself speak?”

 

The first-year folded his noodle arms across his scrawny chest, staring intently at the floor as if actually trying to determine if he’d ever heard himself talk or not.

 

Since he couldn’t come up with a response, Seungmin knew he had won. “Now git!” He aimed a kick at Jeongin’s shin.

 

The boy squealed from the impact but he huffed and walked away anyways, rubbing at his leg before disappearing around the corner.

 

For once, Seungmin was glad that he had come across his love rival because now he knew where Felix was.

 

Seungmin pushed open the door to the courtyard and stepped outside, relishing in the breeze that sent the trees over his head rustling. Felix was sitting in the grass, curled up with his knees to his chest, barely visible between two bushy, in-desperate-need-of-trimming shrubs. Seungmin had only seen him because he had spotted the boy’s copper hair through the window in the hallway and it was only a bonafide miracle that Jeongin hadn’t turned and spotted him first. “Felix,” Seungmin called out excitedly, squatting in front of the boy. “The teacher sent me looking for you. Can you come back to class with me?” Something was off.

 

Felix wasn’t out here playing hooky for no reason. His shoulders were shaking. The smallest, quietest of sobs bubbled up from his body. It was clear he was not aware Seungmin had shown up.

 

“Felix…” Seungmin said softly. His earlier excitement petered out. “Felix?”

 

At long last, Felix looked up.

 

What Seungmin saw pained him.

 

Felix was crying. The kind of crying where the tears just flow and your chest gets all tight and shaky and you try your best to stop them and ask your body ‘why?’ but it keeps going regardless. When Felix realized his private moment had been intruded on, he hurriedly wiped at his red-rimmed eyes and looked away as if that were enough to erase what he had been doing.

 

“What’s wrong?” Seungmin asked gently, placing a hand on Felix’s knee. He felt his own chest tighten in sympathy.

 

“I-I didn’t w-want you to see m-me like this,” Felix choked out, still sobbing. Still wiping at his face.

 

“It’s okay to cry. Just tell me what’s wrong. We can talk about it.”

 

Felix took a while to get a handle on his emotions. In that time, Seungmin waited patiently and quietly. Birds overhead chirped pretty, dainty songs as if they had no respect for the strained and somber moment.

 

Seungmin scooted closer and draped an arm over Felix’s shoulders. Love war or no love war, crush or no crush, he didn’t want to see his friend suffer alone. “Do you want to tell me about it? You can… You can say no.”

 

At first, Felix stiffened and attempted to pull away but then he changed his mind, crawled closer and pushed his face into the front of Seungmin’s shirt. His body was hot and he felt so small and fragile. “My dad…” he started, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat but it only marginally helped. “He got a n-new job offer. If… if h-he takes it. We’ll have to m-move again.”

 

Oh.

 

Now Seungmin understood. _This_ was why Felix had been mad all day. He was moving. Not down the street to a different house. Not an hour down the highway to Busan. But… away. Out of the country. _Far_. Seungmin knew enough about Felix’s past to know that the boy had only moved to this town with his father in the last three or so years.

 

“If he t-takes it,” Felix continued, his voice muffled by the material of Seungmin’s shirt, “I won’t even be able to f-finish out the school year. I’ll h-have to pack up and l-leave everyone. Again.”

 

Only now did the severity of the situation really hit Seungmin. “Has your dad made a decision yet?” How soon would they be leaving? If he couldn’t finish out the term, that meant it would be within the next two weeks. Probably sooner than that! Seungmin didn’t want Felix to go. Not now. Not ever. Not when he felt like he hadn’t even gotten a proper shot at this. “Do you have no other choice?”

 

Felix pulled away. Far enough to slip out from beneath Seungmin’s arm. He at least seemed to have stopped crying. “He hasn’t decided yet but I doubt he’ll let me stay. I have no relatives here.”

 

Seungmin sat there, still and quiet and lost. The thought of his brother moving away crept up into his head again. Woojin would have to leave his friends and family and girlfriend behind to pursue his dreams. Wasn’t that… sad? Didn’t that hurt? Seungmin had lived in this town all of his life so he couldn’t imagine the stress and fear that came with having to move away from all that he knew and loved. He couldn’t imagine what Felix must be going through.

 

“Come on, man,” Felix said with a shaky laugh. He reached out a hand and used his fingers to wipe hot, salty tears from Seungmin’s cheeks. “I’m the one who should be upset.”

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin apologized. His skin tingled where Felix touched him. “I just… I really… I don’t know what to say.” He put the sleeve of his uniform to his nose.

 

Felix laughed again. This time it sounded clearer. Less forced. More like the laugh Seungmin could pick out in a crowded room. Felix said, “You’re the first person I told, you know. Changbin and Minho don’t even know.”

 

“When did you find out? About your dad’s job?”

 

Felix looked away. Now his scowl was coming back. “As soon as I got home from the theater on Sunday. He announced it all happy and shit, like it was something worth celebrating.” He crawled even farther away, out of arm’s reach. Felix stared up at the clear blue sky. “I hated this place when we first moved here. It’s so small and so quiet... Everyone already knew everyone so I couldn’t fit in… but that was years ago. Now I’ve made friends. Found so many new hobbies. I love this place. I don’t want to leave it. I don’t want to go back to Australia.” He choked up. New tears formed in the corners of his eyes. Felix stood up and stomped a short distance away before kicking at one of the picnic tables. Of course, it was too large to budge but that may have been the point. Felix kicked at it again. And again. He let out a frustrated scream.

 

Pulling himself up to his feet, Seungmin followed after him and gently tugged him away from the picnic table.

 

Felix sniffled. “I hope I don’t have to leave. I hope he turns the job down. We’re fine here. We don’t need to go.”

 

The wind picked up. A flock of birds wheeled across the sky.

 

Seungmin wrapped his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “Come on,” he said, trying to be brave for the both of them. “Let’s get washed up and head back to class.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It was the middle of the day and Seungmin was on his way to meet Jisung in the cafeteria for lunch when he was stopped on the stairwell by Chan.

 

Fuck.

 

If Seungmin could compare this encounter to anything, it was being a camper and coming face to face with a brown bear sniffing through your tent. It would be like driving home at night and coming around a corner only for a deer to show up in the headlights before you could slam on brakes. It would be like--

 

“Come with me,” Chan ordered in a scratchy, low voice. His uniform sleeves were rolled up to his shoulders, showing off the kind of muscle Seungmin didn’t want to have swinging at his head.

 

Defensively, Seungmin reached into the back pocket of his slacks and pulled out the lunch money he had stashed there.

 

Chan glanced down at the bills, not even tempted by the measly chump change, then looked back up at Seungmin. “Come with me,” he repeated. Slower. His voice sent a chill up Seungmin’s spine. It was like the spider asking the fly to step into its parlor.

 

Seungmin turned around on the stairs, prepared to dash back up them and find some alternative route to the cafeteria.

 

“He asked for you specifically,” said Chan. His tone grew steadily icier.

 

This made Seungmin pause on the steps. Who in the hell did Chan know that would possibly ask for Seungmin? He looked over his shoulder. “Who?”

 

“Hyunjin,” Chan answered simply.

 

Good lord. He didn’t have time for this. Seungmin took a step up the stairs.

 

“Don’t piss me off,” Chan said cryptically.

 

Shit. “Okay. Fine.” Seungmin turned around and obediently followed Chan down the stairs and out into the first floor hallway. The whole time, Seungmin’s heart raced. Fear dug its heels into the back of his head. What was this? Was he about to be led into some kind of ambush? “I’ll buy you whatever you want,” Seungmin offered as a peace treaty. “I’ll bring you whatever kind of food you like.”

 

Chan glanced over his shoulder. “I have my own shuttles,” he grunted and then led the way out of the school’s front door and down the stairs.

 

“Am I going to get murdered?” Seungmin asked seriously.

 

Chan stopped and properly looked at him for the first time since the stairwell. “What the fuck? No.” But his rigid facial expression didn’t assuage Seungmin’s apprehension. Chan resumed walking.

 

They were halfway across the courtyard when Seungmin realized that they were about to leave campus. “Where are we going?”

 

“Out,” Chan huffed.

 

Seungmin almost laughed. It was the same answer Felix had given him earlier that morning. “Can you be more specific?”

 

“No.” By then, they had reached the school’s main gate, which was closed since class was still in session. The fact that the gym teacher wasn’t on patrol here was probably just sheer dumb luck. Chan climbed up and over the metal gate easily. “Stop asking questions. Your voice gets on my fucking nerves.”

 

Seungmin shut up.

 

Chan fished around in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He put a cig between his lips and lit it right then and there, completely immune to the very real threat of getting caught. He exhaled into the air calmly and the menthol smoke got swept away in the wind. When he hooked his cold stare in Seungmin’s direction, the boy realized Chan was waiting on him.

 

Hurriedly, Seungmin clambered up the gate, struggling to get a grip on the tall, vertical bars before nearly busting his head open on the pavement on the other side. Such acrobatics would have been so much easier if this were Assassin’s Creed. “Why would Hyunjin ask for me?”

 

Chan glared at him.

 

Oh yeah. He was supposed to be quiet.

 

Wordlessly, Chan led the way up the sidewalk, smoking casually the whole time. Seungmin followed behind him like a loyal dog, fanning away the smoke whenever he had to pass through it.

 

They walked about two blocks away from campus before hooking a left and walking another two blocks. Seungmin usually never came in this direction. He never needed to. They were headed quite inland, not even towards the marina and the warehouses.

 

Chan took another drag off of his cigarette. “This way,” he said, exhaling smoke. He turned down a shadowy side road surrounded on both sides by old, ivy-covered shops and hole-in-the-wall restaurants. The road began to curve and branch off, leading them past thicker and thicker copses of trees. Chan seemed to be leading him into the depths of hell.

 

Seungmin thought his heart would beat out of his chest. He tried to remember what turns they took, what buildings were around. Anything that would help him run away in case he needed to. Chan hadn’t made a violent move yet but that didn’t mean much. Seungmin had let his guard down around the boy countless times before only to wind up with egg yolk in his hair or ketchup all over his shirt, money and food stolen out of his pockets or thrown up against a locker.

 

They didn’t stop walking until they were outside of a small pharmacy at the very edge of town. It was the last place Seungmin expected to be taken.

 

Gathered around the bench outside of the pharmacy was about ten or eleven other rowdy, kinda smelly, rough-looking dudes from Chan’s crew, passing what looked like a box of cigarettes between them.

 

“You better be glad I was still on campus,” Chan shouted. He flicked the spent cigarette on the sidewalk and ground it out beneath his shoe. “Otherwise I’d beat your ass right the fuck now for thinking you can give me orders, dipstick.”

 

For a short moment, Seungmin thought Chan was yelling at him.

 

But then someone sitting on the bench said, “Thanks, Chan.”

 

A familiar someone. Seungmin stepped closer, peering around the shoulders and heads of the dudes congregating around the bench to see Hyunjin lounging back in the center of the crowd almost as if he belonged there.

 

Shit.

 

Seungmin gulped. Now that he got a better look at the dudes, they all had fresh bruises on their faces, fresh cuts across their lips and still-bleeding scrapes along their knuckles. The box they were passing around wasn’t cigarettes but bandages, which they peeled the wrappers off of and slapped over their injuries. That explained why they were sitting outside of a pharmacy.

 

Chan made the lightest movement with his hands but that was enough to make all of the guys except for Hyunjin back away from the bench like the parting of the Red Sea. Chan flopped down on the bench next to Hyunjin and all he had to do was lean back and drape an arm over the back of the seat to look every bit the king that he was to these guys.

 

“What happened to you guys,” Seungmin asked without thinking.

 

“More like what happened to the _other_ guys,” someone joked.

 

Snickers and snorts went around the group. They sounded totally different when they weren’t aimed at Seungmin’s follies.

 

“Taeyong thought he could provoke us and get away with it,” said one of the guys, running his hands through his sweat-damp hair. Seungmin vaguely remembered him as the dude who always sat next to Hyunjin at lunch. Juyeon, he was sure.

 

“Tried to call us soft,” said another guy holding up some kind of pad to his obviously swollen jaw. “We had to prove him wrong.” Seungmin didn’t know his name.

 

Chan crossed one leg over the other and looked up at Seungmin. “They all got text messages calling them out to the athletic field during class. Taeyong’s big and bad cousins were in town and he thought he could use them to show my crew up.” He looked around at his boys. “They didn’t know who they were dealing with!”

 

The boys around him laughed, holding up their injured hands like they were golden trophies. Even Hyunjin had this big smile on his face, accomplishment radiating off of him in waves even with the red bloodstains all over his teeth.

 

“He keeps thinking he’s better than us and we keep having to beat him down a peg.”

 

Seungmin swallowed. He didn’t like this. He felt like he was an accomplice to something heinous. If these boys looked this bad when they had _won_ , his stomach flipped at just the thought of what Taeyong’s crew looked like.

 

Chan’s face got serious. “I didn’t know shit about this until after it all happened.” He leveled his gaze on Hyunjin next to him. Although the boy was significantly taller than Chan, he still looked small next to Chan’s big, ferocious aura. “This dude decided to handle shit without fucking telling me.” He reached out and slapped the back of Hyunjin’s head but then, in less than a breath, he mussed up Hyunjin’s hair with an oddly paternal grin on his face. “Did me proud.”

 

Another round of whoops and hollers from the rest of the boys. Chest bumps were performed. One of them popped open a can of soda and held it up in the air like he was doing a toast.

 

“Glad you brought them here,” said Chan, leaning back. “That nosy as fuck school nurse would have raised hell if you all went to him.”

 

“I just remembered what you did last time,” Hyunjin mumbled.

 

Chan let out a big sigh. “Good. Because when I’m gone in a month, you’re going to have to think two steps ahead. Three. Four.”

 

That was right, Seungmin thought. Chan was a third-year and would also be graduating. And he had apparently just announced that he was succeeding leadership of this little gang to Hyunjin for the very first time because the tall boy sat up ramrod straight and looked at Chan like the guy had grown horns. “Chan? Are you serious? Me?”

 

Chan waved a dismissive hand and looked away. “You earned it.”

 

The gang started up another raucous war cry and clapped to welcome who would become their new leader in less than a month’s time. The bandages and alcohol wipes continued to be passed around and slapped haphazardly over wounds that were probably a bit too serious for such simple treatment.

 

“Why am I here?” Seungmin looked at Hyunjin again. Out of all of the guys here, he looked the most beat up and that was saying quite a lot. Hyunjin had two big bruises on his cheeks, an eye that looked a little swollen shut and his nose was just a little red and just a little crooked. Seungmin felt appalled. At least he knew why Hyunjin had ditched class now. His voice came out far more shriek-y than he needed to, “Why did you send for me?” His phone in his pocket buzzed. Probably Jisung calling him and wondering where he was. He was missing lunch, after all. Seungmin reached into his pocket for his phone but Hyunjin leaned forward and grabbed Seungmin by the wrist to stop him.

 

“To see you,” Hyunjin said with an odd brevity.

 

“What?” Seungmin pulled his wrist free and backed out of Hyunjin’s reach. This whole situation was getting wacko. With a groan, he finished pulling his phone out of his pocket. Sure enough, it was Jisung. He almost got to answer the call but Hyunjin was suddenly standing in front of him, pulling the device out of his hands. “What do you want,” Seungmin asked, angry and maybe a little frightened. He still didn’t know why he had to be here.

 

“I told you,” Hyunjin said, “I wanted to see you.” His soft words didn’t match the cuts and scrapes and bruises that littered his hard face.

 

“You need to go to the hospital,” Seungmin warned. Now that he was standing right in front of the boy, all of the places he was bleeding was more apparent.

 

A flush of color that wasn’t his bruises creeped across Hyunjin’s cheeks. “I feel much better just seeing you.”

 

Seungmin would have gagged if Chan hadn’t beat him to it. “Oh, come on, dude!” Chan complained from the bench. “That wasn’t even smooth!”

 

Hyunjin laughed at himself. Seungmin used the boy’s distraction to snatch his phone out of his hands. He tapped Jisung’s contact and called his friend back, stepping away from the pack of wolves as quickly as he could manage.

 

Jisung picked up on the first ring. “Dude, where the hell are you? You’ve got me sitting alone out here!”

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin apologized. He glanced over his shoulder to see the gang of boys playfully picking on Hyunjin, smacking him on the back and trying to give him flirting tips. “Something wild happened. I’m on my way back, I think.”

 

“Shit’s so weird today,” said Jisung. “The caf is, like, half-empty.”

 

“What are you talking about?” wondered Seungmin, but as soon as the question was out of his mouth, he realized why. Chan’s crew was with him right now and if their story was true, Taeyong’s crew was off somewhere else tending to their own wounds. No wonder the cafeteria would seem empty.

 

Jisung said, “I’m hearing rumors that a fight broke out at school. The teachers are pissed. Is that why Chan and his goons aren’t around? Dude, I can _smell_ the stupid school assembly brewing. It better not be during P.E. I actually like that class.”

 

“I can hear the dean now,” replied Seungmin, unable to help his giggles. He adopted his best old lady voice, “This school has been a beacon for this region since I was a child and I do not want it to fall from grace like this!” It was a phrase she incorporated into nearly every speech at these assemblies. The last time, it was about the outrageous amount of cheating happening on exams.

 

Jisung laughed his ass off. “Oh man, you sound just like her. Even the northern accent! Okay, okay, hurry back. Eating alone is no fun, best friend.”

 

“I’m on the way,” Seungmin said. He ended the call and shoved his phone back in his pocket. If he left now, he could get back on campus and maybe have enough time to actually eat lunch.

 

This plan was immediately ruined by him barely being able to turn around before running square into Hyunjin’s chest.

 

“Shit. You scared me!” Seungmin exclaimed, slapping a hand over his chest.

 

“Didn’t mean to,” Hyunjin said. He was giggling. _Giggling_! His bright smile was like the sun threatening to burn Seungmin to ash. “So did you think about it? Is that why you’re here?”

 

Seungmin tilted his head, utterly confused. “I’m here because Chan stood at the bottom of the stairs menacingly. What would I have to think about?”

 

“The letter,” Hyunjin answered.

 

“What letter?” Shit. _The_ letter! Fuck fuck fuck.

 

Hyunjin’s smile faltered. “The one I…” He paused. His hand reached out and found Seungmin’s. Seungmin wanted to pull away. Hell, he wanted to run away but the look in Hyunjin’s eyes kept Seungmin rooted to the spot. There wasn’t anger in his gaze. Or coldness. It was the opposite, in fact. A startling amount of warmth. Oddly, this expression was scarier to Seungmin than any level of ferocity. Seungmin stared down at their hands. He stood as still as a statue, watching Hyunjin’s fingers like they were the legs of a venomous spider. Slowly, Hyunjin’s calloused fingertips trailed over Seungmin’s skin to his wrist where the pink hair tie still was. Hyunjin ran his thumb over the hair tie as if feeling around for the letter that Seungmin knew was long gone. After a moment, Hyunjin looked up at Seungmin. They were standing very close to each other. Too close. Hyunjin said quietly, “I wrote you a letter.”

 

Seungmin glanced past Hyunjin. Chan and the rest of the boys were involved in their own conversation, too far away to be eavesdropping. Seungmin turned his gaze back to Hyunjin. “I didn’t read a letter.” This much was true.

 

“Oh,” Hyunjin said. His voice broke like glass. “Sorry.”

 

“What did the letter say?” Seungmin asked.

 

Hyunjin breathed out, “Nothing.” He let go of Seungmin’s hand.

 

“Okay,” Seungmin said. He shoved his hands in his pants pockets so that there would be no more pseudo-hand holding. “I’m guessing it wasn’t important?”

 

“No.” Yet it was so obvious that it was. Hyunjin stared at Seungmin with a look in his eyes that made it clear he wanted to ask something else, that he wanted to say something else.

 

This wasn’t what Seungmin wanted. “Well, it doesn’t seem like you need me here,” he excused himself, backing away.

 

Hyunjin muttered something that sounded a ton like _Wait_.

 

Shit shit shit shit shit shit! “I am going back to school,” Seungmin declared loudly. “You need to make sure your gums aren’t still bleeding. I heard rinsing your mouth out with salt water helps.” Why was he saying nice things? Why were nice things coming out of his mouth!?

 

“Thanks,” Hyunjin mumbled.

 

“See ya.”

 

“See you,” Hyunjin parroted.

 

Seungmin briskly walked away. He did not look back. If he did, he knew he would only see Hyunjin watching him. He knew that if he saw the look on the boy’s face, he would feel guilty. Guilty for throwing away the letter without even reading it.

 

Ugh. But this wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t! Why should he feel bad? Shit. He was feeling guilty anyway! He looked over his shoulder.

 

Just as he predicted, Hyunjin was standing at the curb watching him. When he realized Seungmin was looking he smiled. Bright enough that it could be seen even from this distance. He waved.

 

Seungmin acted like he didn’t see. He turned back around and left the pharmacy as quickly as he could manage without straight up sprinting. He did not relax until he was a block away but even then, he did not feel good.


	13. In Which There Is A Hell Of A Lot Of Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update already??? Wow. Haha! I was just really inspired and was able to knock this chapter out in less than a day so I hope you all enjoy. Once again, I'd like to thank you guys for the continued support and all of your great comments! I really enjoy reading and responding to everything. It makes me really happy. 
> 
> Just to give everyone a bit of a roadmap but, as of right now, I don't even think we've quiiiiite reached the halfway point of what I have planned for this fic yet so I hope that gives you all plenty of time and chapters to continue to love and hate Seungmin and his good or bad decisions! Thanks again!!!

“God is laughing out loud ‘cause we think we’ve got it all down.”

 

Answers by Jake Miller

 

“Huh? Hold on. Hold up. Wait. Wait. What?” Woojin sputtered out. “You want… You want to do _what_?”

 

Seungmin adjusted the bag on his shoulders. “I said I want to go home with you today.”

 

The look on Woojin’s face would have had you thinking Seungmin had just confessed to a felony. “Are you feeling sick again? Do I need to call--”

 

“I’m not sick,” Seungmin cut him off. “I just want to go with you.”

 

Woojin’s eyes went wide and he held up his hands in a rather cartoonish display of surprise. “But you don’t have to today.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Mom isn’t making you.”

 

“I just said that I know.”

 

“Don’t you usually walk with Jisung?”

 

“He’s wearing his big boy britches today. He can walk himself.”

 

Woojin took off his glasses, wiped off the lenses on his shirt sleeve and then put them back on his nose as if wiping away a fingerprint smudge would help him hear better. “I don’t get it. You want to go home with _me_?”

 

“If it’s not a problem.” Seungmin stated. Why couldn’t his brother just give him a straight yes or no? Was his request that difficult? “Or do you not want me near you that badly?”

 

“I thought it was you who didn’t want to be near me?”

 

“Usually.”

 

The brothers stared at each other for a moment, neither of them quite able to comprehend the loony behavior of the other. Woojin’s mouth hung open slightly. Seungmin just cocked his head to the side and waited. Around them, school was letting out. Their classmates poured out of the front doors and down the front steps like a waterfall cascading down rocks. It was turning out to be a bright and balmy afternoon with a warm sun, clear skies and a cool, strong breeze.

 

Perfect for ice cream on the front porch. Seungmin made a mental note about that.

 

Finally, Woojin said, “Okay. I don’t get it but _okay_.” He stooped down, finished unlocking his bike and pulled it free of the bike rack. He swung his leg over it and gave his brother a pensive stare. “Hop on.”

 

“Thanks,” Seungmin said, relieved his brother didn’t turn him down.

 

Unfortunately, Woojin still seemed a bit suspicious. He narrowed his eyes. “Hurry it up.”

 

Seungmin jumped up onto the tiny bars that jutted out from the mountain bike’s rear wheels and then gripped his older brother’s shoulders for support. Woojin started off a bit shaky, not used to having a passenger, but by the time they’d crossed the courtyard and were out of the school gates, he’d gotten into a nice, smooth rhythm on the pedals and they coasted along the road headed north at a leisurely pace, the wind in their hair. “So how have you been?” Seungmin shouted over the noise of traffic.

 

“Huh?” Woojin asked.

 

“How have you--”

 

“I heard you but why are you asking me that?”

 

“I just want to know,” huffed Seungmin.

 

Woojin brought the bike to a halt at an intersection. He turned his head a little so that he could look up at his brother. “I’m fine.”

 

“No, I don’t want an answer like that. I’m actually asking how you are.”

 

“What… are you talking about?”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You sure,” Seungmin pressed. “Getting ready for college isn’t stressing you out, is it?”

 

“I have a plan,” Woojin said. “And everything’s still on schedule… so, I’m good.”

 

“What are you and Jihyo going to do?”

 

The light at the intersection changed. Woojin got the bike going again, crossing the street and heading through downtown. “We haven’t really talked about it yet. We still have the whole summer to think about things so it’s not like we’re in any kind of rush.”

 

“Do you love her?”

 

Woojin coughed. “Yeah. Yes. I do. Of course.”

 

Seungmin nodded as if confirming something. He said, “What about your final exams? Have you been studying? I’m no good at math but I wanna help.”

 

“What is this about Seungmin?”

 

“Nothing. Nothing. I just feel like we haven’t talked about this kind of stuff in a while.”

 

“Usually when I bring it up, you tell me to stop nagging.”

 

“But I won’t today. Today I _want_ to talk.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m doing good.”

 

“No. I mean are you okay mentally? Are you _stable_?”

 

“I guess so.”

 

Woojin didn’t seem convinced. He was clearly trying to sniff out some kind of ulterior motive. “Did you fail a test today?”

 

“What? No.” Not _today_ , at least.

 

Woojin didn’t let up. “Did you get in trouble in class? Did you get written up?” He brought the bike to such a quick stop that Seungmin nearly fell off. Woojin whirled around, suddenly angry. “You better not have had anything to do with that gang fight at school today.”

 

“I didn’t!”

 

“Don’t lie to me, Seungmin. I will find out.”

 

“I’m not involved. I know the people who got mixed up in it but I wasn’t in that fight.”

 

Woojin frowned. “If you ever get suspended…”

 

Seungmin groaned. He hopped off the bike. “I didn’t have anything to do with that. Does it look like I got into a fight?” He pointed to his face and put on as bright and cheery as a smile as he could manage.

 

Woojin reached out a hand, poking and prodding at his brother’s face as if examining him for cuts and sores. He pushed Seungmin’s hair back to ensure there were no suspicious marks on his forehead. He even grabbed Seungmin’s hand and turned it over as if looking for bloody knuckles or scraped-up palms.

 

“Satisfied, Dr. Kim?” Seungmin joked.

 

Sighing, Woojin just said, “You better not get involved in any of that bullshit or Mom will kill me. Do you understand?”

 

“The only kind of violence I like is in video games,” Seungmin said seriously.

 

Woojin narrowed his eyes. “Look, I’m trying to save both of our asses here.”

 

“I’m being honest.” Seungmin hopped back onto the bike and steadied himself as Woojin got them rolling again.

 

They cut through the last few blocks of downtown, passing by quaint boutiques and renovated apartment buildings. Woojin took a shortcut through an alleyway between the coin laundry and the noodle shop that spit them out across the street from the nursing home. Woojin wheeled the bike around a corner, the thick tires making relaxing humming noises over the pavement, and it wasn’t until they were passing the pizzeria that Seungmin recognized where they were.

 

The younger brother glanced around in mild amazement. On foot, it would have taken him ten minutes to get to this part of town but on the bike, it had taken what felt like moments. “What are you going to do with your bike when you leave?” he asked out of the blue.

 

Woojin snorted arrogantly. “It’s coming with me to Seoul. Nice try.”

 

“Can’t I ask?” Seungmin pouted. “I just want to know.”

 

“You can get a job and buy your own bike. Or, hell, stop buying all those goddamn toys and save up your allowance for a few weeks.”

 

“I can never do that. That’s physically impossible.”

 

“A decent bike isn’t all that expensive.”

 

“Still, I can’t stop spending money on manga.”

 

“Then don’t complain about not having a bike.”

 

“I’m not complaining, I’m just asking! Sheesh.”

 

The buildings of downtown were behind them now and they came to the bend in the road that took them close to the cliffs. At the bottom, the ocean was a wide, flat, blue expanse that stretched from horizon to horizon, getting all hazy in the place where it met the sky. There were multiple sailboats out on the waves today. Too many to be a coincidence so it was probably some kind of rich people sailing event. The road curved a bit more, dipped behind some trees and then the ocean disappeared from sight.

 

Seungmin didn’t speak until they had stopped at another small intersection. “If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know.”

 

“There’s only one set of pedals.”

 

“I mean at home, bro. Or at school. Just… any kind of help.”

 

Woojin responded, “Mom wants you to dust and vacuum the living room.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“She wants you to water all of the plants.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“She also wants you to clean _my_ room.”

 

“Got it.”

 

Woojin turned to look at him. “Mom also wants you to count every individual blade of grass in the front yard.”

 

“Will do.”

 

“Are you listening to me?”

 

“Clean the living room, do the plants, clean your room, count grass. I’m listening.”

 

“I’m messing with you, you know that, right?”

 

“I know.”

 

Woojin waited for a pick-up truck loaded down with watermelons to rumble through the intersection before he pedaled across the street. “Are you fucking with me?”

 

“I’m being completely serious. Hey, do you want to go somewhere? Want to grab a bite to eat?”

 

“What is this about, Seungmin?”

 

“I just want to spend time with you.”

 

The older brother made a sound that was an awful lot like choking. “Are you buttering me up?”

 

“No.”

 

Woojin didn’t believe him. “Did you break something at the house? Are you trying to get me to keep Mom from being mad at you?”

 

“Not this time.”

 

“Is there some new video game thing coming out? Didn’t Mom _just_ buy you a new Switch after you broke the last one?”

 

“I didn’t break it! I sat on it by accident.”

 

“That’s breaking it!” Woojin shouted.

 

“The Switch is fine. I don’t need a new one. I swear!”

 

“Are you trying to borrow money from me? If you didn’t buy all those toys--”

 

“You don’t have to do anything for me.”

 

“Then what is this _about_ , Seungmin? You’re being creepy.”

 

“I’m just trying to talk to you.”

 

“Stop saying that. That’s exactly what’s creepy!”

 

Seungmin bit his bottom lip. Why didn’t his brother just _get it_ ? Why couldn’t he understand? If he was so damn smart, if he was so damn talented, how come he couldn’t just _figure out_ what was going on here? Why couldn’t he see?

 

With more emotion than he thought he had left in him, Seungmin yelled at the top of his lungs, “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO SO FAR AWAY!?”

 

Frightened, Woojin swung the bike onto the gravel at the side of the road and stopped them next to the guardrail. He twisted all the way around to look at his brother, staring up at him for the longest time. “What’s gotten into you?”

 

His little brother didn’t answer. He just got a little bit misty-eyed.

 

Seungmin could see the moment when his brother put all of the pieces together in his head. Eventually, Woojin found his voice, “It’s not like you’ll never see me again.” He turned back around, propped his elbows up on the handlebars and gazed rather wistfully in the direction of the drawbridge. A line of traffic was building up on both sides as a rather long, stark white yacht decorated with multicolored flags floated past. “Don’t get me wrong, Seungmin, I considered schools that were much closer. Busan… Daegu... I even put serious thought into just going to the community college in town. Come here. Let me look you in the eye.”

 

Seungmin dismounted and circled around the bike so that he could face his brother. The wind off the ocean picked up, tossing around their shirts and ties and hair.

 

Several seconds passed as Woojin gathered his thoughts. For a few moments, he looked at Seungmin but then, feeling heavy, turned his attention to the ocean. “I had a long talk with Mom and I chose a Seoul university not just because of the scholarship money but because I felt it was the best place for me and what I want to do.” He looked up at Seungmin, his face was serious and truthful and full of love. “It’s not like I’m purposefully trying to get away from you and Mom. I have nothing to run away from. It’s not...” He hesitated. He almost said ‘never mind’ but he pushed forward. “It’s not like I’m Dad.”

 

At that, Seungmin looked away. It was that one word that had got him more emotional than he thought he’d get about this. Dad. He had thought he’d gotten past all of that but here he was feeling all twisted up. The feeling stewed in his chest, hot. Anger. Or maybe just remorse. He stared out over the ocean and watched the yacht putter out into the blue distance.

 

“I’m going to stay in touch,” Woojin continued. “Look at me. Please.”

 

Seungmin turned to face him.

 

“I will visit when I can, alright?” Woojin told him. “And you can put on your--what did you call them earlier? Big boy britches?--and come to Seoul yourself, sometimes. It’s not like I’m going to poof out of existence, I’m just going to be a few hours away.” He smiled. When his brother didn’t respond, he playfully punched him in the arm. “Cheer up! You’ve got three more months to keep being an absolute menace to me.”

 

This made Seungmin smile, a tiny little bubble of laughter escaped him. “I am not cleaning your room, you know.”

 

“Oh, I knew you wouldn’t.”

 

Seungmin hopped on the back of the bike. “And I’ll set fire to the yard before I _ever_ count grass.”

 

“That is definitely arson.”

 

“I will clean the living room, though.”

 

Woojin relaxed. He started pedaling again but turned his bike around and pointed the two of them back in the direction of town, the afternoon sun glittering off of all the windows and roofs. “Let’s go get fried chicken!”

 

“We should have fried shrimp.”

 

“Fried chicken it is,” Woojin hollered and the two of them laughed into the sea breeze.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It was just after midnight when Seungmin received a text from an unknown number.

 

> Seungmin, meet me on the boardwalk by the one light on the strip that’s blue instead of yellow.

 

Seungmin knew the location instantly but he couldn’t tell who this was texting him and why they wanted to meet him at fuck off o’clock with school in the morning. Whatever. They probably just had the wrong Seungmin. Somehow. Yeah, that sounds about right. He shoved the phone back under his pillow and attempted to go back to sleep for the umpteenth time that night. He had only managed to doze off earlier in the night but now he had been lying in bed wide awake for what felt like hours. Soft music hadn’t helped. A glass of warm milk hadn’t helped. He just wanted to _sleep_ but sleep wouldn’t come.

 

His phone buzzed again. With a groan, Seungmin pulled it out from beneath his pillow and checked it.

 

> Make something to snack on.

 

And then, not a breath later:

 

> Please.

 

Only a handful of people knew Seungmin liked to cook and most of their contacts were in his phone already. So was this someone from school, then? There was Minho and… Seungmin sat up in bed. Was this Felix? Was Felix asking to meet up with him in the dead of night? Were they having some moonlit rendezvous where they would confess their love for each other and hold hands and make out under the stars and maybe fool around a bit under the pier? Would this be the moment Seungmin had been waiting for? Now he really _couldn’t_ go back to sleep. Adrenaline buzzed in his veins. His cute fantasies played out in his head. Seungmin stared at the text messages he’d just received, rereading them and trying to peer through the digital ether to see who was on the other end. Sadly, he hadn’t developed such super powers. Yet. A new message came in.

 

> It’s Binnie.

 

It took Seungmin a moment to associate a person with such a nickname. Changbin.

 

Damn. He let all the air out of his lungs in one big _whooooosh_. Disappointed, Seungmin flopped back over onto his bed and tried to go to sleep again.

 

The older boy texted him once more, making Seungmin’s phone vibrate in his hand. He ignored it for a solid eighteen seconds but then couldn’t help himself. He checked it:

 

> Sorry if you’re asleep. Just ignore these in the morning hahhaha

 

Seungmin got up out of bed. Fine. Fine fine fine. What the hell. He may as well go. It’s not like he was getting any sleep anyways. He hastily replied that he was awake and on his way and would need no more than half an hour, not even caring about all of the typos.

 

Changbin told him he’d be waiting.

 

Now Seungmin was properly intrigued. The tone of the messages seemed too stiff and serious to be something like an invitation to a party or something and the two of them weren’t exactly close so this couldn’t be just hanging out for the sake of hanging out. Seungmin had a feeling Changbin would only bother him at this time of night if it was something big. Something that couldn’t be talked about via text. Seungmin pulled a pair of distressed jeans up over his pajamas and threw on a light jacket. Sure, it was almost summer but the beach late at night could be super chilly with all of the wind. It was still May, after all. Shoving his phone in his back pocket, he tiptoed down the hallway to the kitchen.

 

Changbin had wanted a snack but, shit, Seungmin didn’t want to wake up anyone in the house so his options on a half hour time constraint were quite limited.

 

Something easy would do. Something he could cook in one pot.

 

This called for ramen.

 

He sat a pot on the stove, turned the heat up high and poured in chicken stock. While it boiled, he rummaged through the fridge for the rest of the ingredients he needed, being sure to open and shut the doors carefully so they wouldn’t slam closed and wake his family. Hmmm. There were some slices of bacon he could use. Some mushrooms and leeks he could chop up to add depth to the broth. From the spice rack, he grabbed ginger, onion powder and chilli flakes to toss in for zing.

 

When he made ramen, he liked to use a few more ingredients than this and let it all simmer in a pot for a few hours but this was also a recipe he could boil up quickly and it would still be tasty.

 

While the broth heated up, he chopped the bacon and veggies using careful diagonal slices to reduce the amount of noise. Then he added the ingredients to the bubbling pot bit by bit, stirring them in. It didn’t take long for the fresh, aromatic scent to fill the kitchen. He sprinkled in salt and the seasonings he’d picked out and gave the flavorful broth a quick stir. Next, he cracked two eggs and dropped them in the soup to soft-boil, tossed in some salt and then measured out rice noodles to add in.

 

This was turning into a larger batch than he intended. Oh well. He’d take what he’d need and then stash the rest in the fridge for his family to eat.

 

As he cleaned up the kitchen, he kept an ear close to the hall but if his family was awake, they weren’t coming in to sniff around and be pests like the last time he’d cooked a meal in the middle of the night.

 

Overall, the cooking process took just shy of twenty minutes and when it was all done, he cut off the stove, poured some of the noodle soup into a big thermos and then packed it, two bowls, two pairs of chopsticks, a blanket and numerous napkins in his picnic basket and slipped out of the house.

 

As familiar as the town was, it took on a completely different vibe at night.

 

Seungmin walked along the winding, hilly road. The trees on either side of him shivered in the wind and the toads and crickets sang their gentle melodies. The ocean waves were at first a distant whisper but as he got closer to the beach, he could pick out the sound of individual waves crashing against the shore and the song of a lone woodland owl way off somewhere. The stars were so bright tonight and the sky was almost completely cloudless, showing off faint streaks of blue and purple.

 

Even though he knew he wasn’t dreaming, he still pinched himself every now and then just to be sure.

 

Once he’d walked all the way out of the hills, he left the road and took a shortcut down the steep side of a hill and through the knee-high grass and cattails and then found himself on the beach.

 

Honestly, there wasn’t much to see at night. The lights along the boardwalk were too few and too dim to spread any kind of light across the sand so the beach was less a beach and more like the thought of a beach being there. The ocean itself was little more than a black void broken apart by the white froth of incoming waves and, even with the light of the stars, it was impossible to see the horizon. There was a beauty to this, though. A mysteriousness that would inspire poetry if Seungmin wasn’t about to be late.

 

The cool, damp air cleared Seungmin’s head at least and he headed across the sand to the boardwalk.

 

He walked over the creaking wood, swinging his basket back and forth. A heavy stillness was wrapped around the town. It almost muffled the sound of crickets now that he’d walked this far from the trees. Only a few porch lights in the neighborhoods were on and they pierced the dark with their light. There wasn’t even a pair of headlights on any of the roads. Not even a dog barking. The quiet made Seungmin feel like he was the only person in the world and he ignored the primal urge to cup his hands around his mouth and scream at the sky.

 

Halfway down the boardwalk, one of the lights that illuminated the wooden walkway was newer than the rest and its clinical blue LED glow stood out like a sore thumb next to the older, dimmer, yellower incandescents.

 

Changbin was waiting for him. He sat on the boardwalk railing in an outfit he’d clearly pulled together in the dark. “Oyyy,” he called out when he spotted Seungmin approaching. He dropped down from the railing and met Seungmin halfway.

 

“Were you waiting long?” Seungmin asked. “The soup took a little longer than I expected. Sorry.”

 

“It’s alright,” Changbin said with a wave of his hand. “I’ve already been out here a few hours.”

 

“A few _hours_? Why?”

 

“Sitting. Thinking. Being hungry.”

 

“You okay?”

 

Changbin nodded. “Just can’t sleep.”

 

“What about the other two?” Seungmin asked, not really but yes really asking why he was the one who had been called out here.

 

Changbin must have sensed the hidden meaning in the question. “Minho sleeps like the dead. There’s no waking him no matter what you do. Felix and I were up playing Overwatch but then he got tired and went to bed. I tried sleeping myself but couldn’t so I wanted to talk to someone.” He ran a hand through his tangled hair and shuffled over to the railing, staring out at the blackness of the ocean. “It would have been hella iffy to invite a girl out here so I got your number from Felix. You don’t mind, do you?”

 

“No. No. I was awake.” What Seungmin was most surprised about was that Felix had his number. Then again, they were in the same class so he had probably just naturally acquired it over the course of the year. It wasn’t like they ever texted but the idea of Felix having his number was still a little exciting.

 

“You make anything good?” Changbin questioned. Then he snorted, “Of course you did.”

 

“Can’t go wrong with ramen.” Seungmin began to unpack his basket. He spread the blanket out on the boardwalk a little ways from underneath the streetlight so that they wouldn’t get bugged by… well, bugs. He poured the ramen from the thermos into the two bowls and sat them down.

 

“Oh man, that smells good,” Changbin commented, kneeling down on the blanket.

 

“Hopefully it tastes good.”

 

“Of course it will.”

 

“Thanks.” Seungmin joined him on the blanket and, silently, the two began to eat. Every now and then, one or the other would moan in contentment as they slurped on their noodles but, other than that, neither spoke for quite some time. The silence was more comfortable than awkward but, really, it was just the kind of night where you _wanted_ to be quiet. There was just something in the air that demanded inner reflection. Either that or Seungmin was finally getting properly sleepy.

 

“Thanks for coming out here,” said Changbin after a time. “I know it was a pretty weird demand.”

 

“It’s fine. Really. I was still awake when you messaged me.” Seungmin scooped up a pile of noodles with his chopsticks and slurped them noisily into his mouth. They were still hot and the homely warmth in his stomach fought the nighttime chill in the air. It was pretty perfect. “But have you really been out here for hours?”

 

Changbin nodded. “I was waiting to get drained enough to fall asleep but then I just wound up overthinking.”

 

“Is it because you’re about to graduate?” That seemed to be the theme of the day.

 

“Nah, I’m not worried about that,” Changbin admitted. He paused as he slurped more soup into his mouth. “It’s… something else.”

 

That sounded ominous. Yet Changbin didn’t offer more information so they drifted into silence again. The only noise between them was Seungmin reaching for the thermos and pouring himself more soup. It didn’t take long for Seungmin’s curiosity to do a number on him, though, and he found himself clearing his throat and looking up across the blanket at his friend. “Was there something you needed to talk about?”

 

Changbin wiped at his face. “You probably already know, but--”

 

“Felix.” Seungmin posed it as a statement more than a question. He could just sense it. Changbin hadn’t even hinted at it but he just _knew_.

 

“Yeah,” Changbin said. He let his shoulders sag and he lowered his head. This was the topic he had probably been trying to approach since they met up. Changbin shoveled more noodles in his mouth and then topped up his bowl with more soup. “Felix… He’s been so down about it all day. It actually kind of rubbed off on me and now I’m worrying in his place.”

 

“You’re his best friend. Of course you’d worry.”

 

“It’s funny,” said Changbin. “Because I’m graduating in a month and would be leaving him anyways but I wasn’t at all freaked about that. This, though… This got me.”

 

“The news is sudden,” Seungmin responded.

 

“He must have told you everything, then.”

 

Seungmin wondered if the thought of Felix leaving was why he couldn’t sleep, either. “He was quite upset. I’ve never seen him cry before.” Then again, it hadn’t been very long since he'd known Felix as too much more than the guy whose test scores were always number one in the class, as the beautiful boy laughing at the end of the hall, as this unreachable and unattainable star shining as bright as the moon. “His emotion… It kind of surprised me.”

 

“It surprised me, too.”

 

“I haven’t talked to him since this morning. Do you know if his dad has made a final decision yet?”

 

Changbin shook his head. “From what Felix has told me, though, it’s almost too good to pass up. His dad… One of the competitors for the company he works for wants his dad’s talent for themselves. If he takes the job, the man will be in upper management making almost double what he’s making now.”

 

“Wow,” Seungmin exhaled. He filled up his own bowl with more soup and was childishly excited when he got one of the soft-boiled eggs. “They have to be doing pretty well already, considering where they live. Do you really think his dad will go for it?”

 

“I don’t know. I’ve only met him a handful of times myself. He’s never at home when Minho and I visit.”

 

Seungmin frowned. He hadn’t known that.

 

“I hope he gets to stay, though,” Changbin spoke up. “Felix, I mean. I at least want us to spend one last summer together. Make it really memorable.”

 

“The way Felix was telling me, if his dad takes the job, they’ll be leaving before the term is up.”

 

“What?” Changbin nearly choked on his noodles. “Felix said it would be soon but he didn’t tell me it was _soon_.”

 

“If his dad takes it,” Seungmin reminded him. He didn’t know much about big career moves like that but he had a feeling this offer wasn’t all that sudden. Felix’s dad had to have known about it at least for a couple of weeks if he’d have to uproot his family in so little time. “Goddammit.”

 

Changbin went back to eating, taking more careful bites. “You’re telling me. I’m gonna miss the dude. He’s like a little ball of pure sunshine.”

 

“An angel,” Seungmin added.

 

“Sure, I guess. That, too. You see him all outgoing and chipper now but you won’t believe how shy he used to be back when he first moved here. He never said a word. I mean, _never._ ”

 

Seungmin laughed. “What? Really? As talkative as he is?”

 

Changbin smiled for the first time since they sat down, showing off his teeth. “I’m serious! I don’t even remember how he started hanging out with us but even with Minho being all extra, we couldn’t get him to talk.”

 

“That’s wild.”

 

“I thought it was because Felix was actually mute or something. Minho guessed it was because he just didn’t know the language. Turns out, Felix could understand most of what we said, he was just absolutely terrified.”

 

“I can imagine. Come to a whole new country and find yourself with a pair of lunatics!”

 

They both laughed and the sounds bounced back to them in high-pitched echoes.

 

Seungmin lifted the bowl to his mouth and drank the last few dredges of the broth. When he finished, he burped and found a napkin to wipe his mouth. “Obviously, he warmed up to you guys. What was the trick?”

 

“Surfing.”

 

“That’s all it took?”

 

“Yeah, that’s all it took. We brought him to the beach, got him on a board and he just opened up to us like that. He started talking and laughing like he’d been chatting with us the whole summer.” Changbin gazed up at the star-filled sky, reminiscing.

 

Seungmin sighed dreamily while trying to picture it. He had only caught glimpses of the boy surfing a handful of times but he could easily recall that pure, joyful grin. One of these days, he would be the reason Felix smiled like that. He swore it!

 

Changbin took a moment to slurp up the last of his own soup. “Man, that was my favorite summer. We spent so many of our days out in the water. I’m shocked that none of us grew gills and fins.”

 

Seungmin only nodded along. He hadn’t made those kinds of memories with Felix yet.

 

They drifted into silence again but a happy and pleasant one. After a few moments, Seungmin figured that this couldn’t have been all that was on Changbin’s mind. It was fun to remember things, sure, but Seungmin didn’t have much of a place in those memories. He hadn’t even known them all back then! There had to be a more specific reason Changbin wanted _him_ here.

 

“So what did you want to talk to me about?”

 

Changbin didn’t answer at first. He was sitting across the blanket with his hands folded in his lap and his eyes closed. For a moment, Seungmin thought he had fallen asleep but then Changbin blinked open his eyes and stared up at him. He said, “I was just trying to decide if we should do something for him. Throw a party or something. I don’t know.”

 

Oh. A chill shot through Seungmin’s chest and he knew it wasn’t because the wind had just picked up. The thought of planning a goodbye party made all of this all the more real to him. Did Felix really have to leave? Would things really end like this? So suddenly? Seungmin pinched himself again. He had to be dreaming. He _had_ to be asleep!

 

“We should think about it,” Changbin went on. He dropped his chopsticks in his bowl and wiped off his mouth with a napkin. “We don’t know when he’ll have to leave. This week. Next week. We can all chip in and buy him something really nice.”

 

“What would he want,” Seungmin questioned, feeling hollow. “What does he like?”

 

Changbin was about to answer when Seungmin’s phone rang, startling them both.

 

“It’s my brother,” Seungmin groaned, checking the screen. “Give me a second.” He stood up, took a few steps down the boardwalk and answered the call. He couldn’t even finish saying “Hello” when--

 

“Where the hell are you?” Woojin whisper-screamed in his ear.

 

Seungmin winced. “At the beach.”

 

“The fuck? Do you know what time it is? Why are you at the beach? What the hell.”

 

“I’m fine. I just needed some air.”

 

“You can get air on the front porch. Why did you go all the way to the beach by yourself in the middle of the night?”

 

“I’m not by myself.”

 

Woojin let out an unintelligible string of syllables that grew progressively louder.

 

“Don’t wake up Mom,” Seungmin said quickly. “Relax. I just went for a walk because I couldn’t sleep.” He turned to look back at Changbin who had started packing up Seungmin’s picnic basket. “I’m on the way back. Ten minutes, top.”

 

“Christ,” Woojin hissed. He sounded panicked and exasperated. “You scared me half to death, you know.”

 

“I am on the way,” Seungmin repeated.

 

Woojin groaned loudly. It sounded like he was outside. He had probably searched every inch of the yard.

 

Seungmin said, “Sorry. I needed to clear my head. I really couldn’t sleep. Had a lot on my mind.”

 

“I… get it. I… understand.” It was obvious that Woojin was still pissed off but he seemed to be trying very hard not to continue to nag and be angry. “Ten minutes. I will literally stand here and count,” he told his brother and then disconnected the call.

 

Seungmin shoved the phone in his pocket. He couldn’t even be mad. He _had_ snuck out of the house in the middle of the night. Seungmin got a look at the time and almost did a double-take. It didn’t feel like it but it was nearing two in the morning.

 

Changbin walked up to Seungmin and handed him the picnic basket. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to get you in trouble, dude.”

 

“It’s fine, really,” said Seungmin, taking the basket from Changbin’s hands. “I at least should have left a note.”

 

“Still, he sounded pretty mad. I could hear him from back there.”

 

“He’s… always like that. Now that he’s called me, he should be fine for a while.”

 

Changbin shook his head. He could barely keep his eyes open. “Nah. We should call it a night. Thanks for coming out here. I mean it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“See you.”

 

Seungmin stood in the half-dark between streetlights, watching Changbin trudge up the boardwalk until it was impossible to distinguish him from the shadows in the distance. Then Seungmin turned and started his own journey home.


	14. In Which Life Is Actually Just An Otome Game With Only One Save Slot

“It’s always the wrong thing that makes us feel right.”

 

Complicated by Mura Masa, NAO

 

Of course, after a night like that, Seungmin didn’t get much sleep.

 

He didn’t blame Changbin for this. No, they were just two insomniacs doing regular insomniac things together. If anything, Changbin texting him had _helped_ . He was thankful for that quiet hour on the boardwalk, soaking up the starlight and listening to Changbin tell stories about growing up. It was… fun. It meant a lot. But after having such a talk, Seungmin’s mind had been all over the place last night. A whole bunch of dark, barbed emotions had gripped his heart tight and _squeezed_ and he’d stayed awake trying to sift through everything he was feeling. He kept thinking about his brother leaving and Dad leaving… and Felix leaving and how he’d only really held the boy’s hand _once_ and that summer vacation was rapidly approaching and how he was only seventeen yet still somehow felt like he was running out of time.

 

Whew boy. It was a lot to unpack.

 

So Seungmin had showered and gotten ready for school in a zombie-like daze, shambling through the house, moaning and begging for sustenance while evading Woojin’s interrogation: “Who were you with?” “Anyone I know?” “Are you going to make a habit of sneaking out during the night?” “Does this have anything to do with the _boy_?” “Are you sexually active? Do we need to have The Talk?”

 

Ugh.

 

It was still early, a touch after seven, and Seungmin was leaning against the blue wooden fence outside of Jisung’s grandparent’s house waiting on him so that they could walk to school together like they always did. Mom had been in charge of breakfast which meant Seungmin’s belly was full, his heart was content and in his hands were two big ole apple hand pies, still hot from the oven and wrapped in Mom’s favorite tea towels. The morning was oddly warm and the air was thick and a little muggy already. The sky was a washed-out and tired gray. Nature was about as fed up with this heat wave as Seungmin was. Did this weird heat end any time soon? Seungmin didn’t know. He never kept track of the weather.

 

Seungmin’s phone vibrated with a text. He had to switch one of the pies to his other hand to check the message. It was Jisung telling him he was on the way outside.

 

There was only quiet on the street for a while, maybe a solid minute, and then there was the squeak of a screen door opening just before there was the thundering of dozens of paws stampeding across the porch and down the steps into the yard.

 

Seungmin turned around at all of the ruckus and watched the swarm of beagles yip and bark and tumble over each other as they ran out into the grass for their morning romp. Jisung came down the steps at a much less hurried pace, his uniform a little untidy, his hair a feral mess and his mouth wide open in a yawn.

 

“You can probably put your whole fist in there,” Seungmin commented, watching his friend trudge down the driveway.

 

“I tried that once,” Jisung said, wiping his face. “Let’s just say I thought I had dislocated my jaw and that I never tried again.”

 

“You okay, man? You look… terrible.”

 

Jisung waved away his friend’s concern. “Overslept. Had less than twenty minutes to get ready.” He swung open the front gate and squeezed through it so that the dog right on his heels didn’t run off of the property. “Gimme.” Jisung opened his mouth wide like he was yawning again.

 

Seungmin lifted one of the hand pies and Jisung bit into it.

 

“Mmm, now _that’s_ good,” Jisung said, chewing. He had to do that weird inhale-exhale thing when the food is too hot to eat but it’s also too good not to keep chewing, the roof of your mouth be damned! “Oh! Your mother made these.”

 

“You can tell just by the taste?” Seungmin watched Jisung take a second bite. “If you don’t hold this up yourself, I’m dropping it.” Jisung didn’t believe him. Seungmin let go of it.

 

Jisung squawked and dove for it but didn’t move fast enough to catch it in time. It hit the ground but he grabbed it and wiped it off. “Dude!” Jisung complained. Fearlessly, he bit into it.

 

“What if there are bugs on that?”

 

“Protein.”

 

“What about pebbles?”

 

“Fiber.” Jisung gave the hand pie another wipe down just in case.

 

“How can you tell Mom made it?” Seungmin asked, starting their walk down the hilly street.

 

“Because if you had made it,” Jisung hurried along behind him, “my face would have melted off because of all of the cinnamon.”

 

“That was _one time_! It was a total mistake.”

 

“And I won’t let you forget it!”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Seungmin huffed. “Keep going like you’re going and I won’t cook anything else for you.”

 

“Maybe I’ll live longer,” Jisung found the silver lining.

 

Seungmin blew on his hand pie in hopes of cooling it down. By comparison, Jisung bit into his only to make a high squealing noise and fan his hand in front of his mouth. Eventually, Seungmin said, “You know, if you were _patient_ \--”

 

“It’s too good!” Jisung yowled, dancing around a bit.

 

“Blow on it to cool it off!” Seungmin demanded.

 

“NEVER!” Jisung cried out before taking another bite. “HOT HOT HOT!”

 

“And you say my cooking is why you’ll die early.”

 

They fell into a comfortable silence as they walked. Seungmin finally bit into his own hand pie and--Jisung was right--he could _tell_ it was made by Mom. Maybe love really was something you could taste? Just chewing on it made him feel warm and cozy. In his head, he was back at home, half-dozing on the couch and enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon. The pie was comfortably warm. The apple filling had been cooked down for a few extra minutes, making it sweet without being overbearing and soft almost like a jam. The dough was nice and crispy and flaked just right when he bit into it. Oooh, he hoped he could achieve this level of skill someday. He almost wished Mom had given him four or five pies so that he could share them with the surfer boys, too, but then he remembered that Felix didn’t like the texture of cooked fruit. He sighed, feeling a little weird. What could he make that Felix would like? And how much time did he have left to figure something out?

 

“So I made it to this really interesting story arc of my game,” said Jisung to break the silence.

 

“The rub-their-titties game?”

 

“The story is _good_ , okay?”

 

“Mmmhmm,” Seungmin hummed. “Because the narrative is definitely why you spend all of your time playing it.” He made a grabby-hands motion.

 

“The tits are icing on the cake!” Jisung insisted.

 

“A big round cake that jiggles unnecessarily.”

 

Jisung ignored him. “There was a patch recently that updated the translation. The story is much easier to understand now. I even have a team full of maxed-out SSRs now. I’m unbeatable in PVP.”

 

“You have way too much time on your hands.”

 

Once again, Jisung didn’t pay him much mind. “So it turns out that your assistant who has been guiding you through the game was evil the whole time and leaking all of your strategies and data, which is why the enemy always seemed to be one step ahead.”

 

“You couldn’t tell she was evil earlier than that?”

 

Jisung shook his head. “Of course not! No one ever expects the tutorial girl to be evil. It was a twist no one would have seen coming. It’s clever and I love it.”

 

“And did you have to rub her titties to find this out?”

 

“No. You can’t get her through the gacha. I hope the devs add her in an event, though. Especially the evil version. She’s so fuckin’ hot.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “I was mainly joking. How did you find out she’s evil? In the story, I mean.”

 

“Well, one of the scientist NPCs makes the connection when the potion she makes to take away a boss’s invincibility doesn’t work and then there’s this whole secret plan the characters put together that leads to a confrontation and then the tutorial girl transforms and you have to fight her.” He took a deep breath after his long-winded explanation. “It’s just very fun. I usually skip the story in games like this but, I’m telling you, this one is a masterwork. If this dev team ever makes anything else, I’m giving them all of my money.”

 

“I see,” said Seungmin. Then, not wanting to be left out, he said, “Well, in my manga, I’ve gotten halfway through Volume Five and there was this really spicy scene where the swoopy-haired dude pins her up against the lockers and goes for a kiss. It was pretty intense.”

 

“Let me guess, you wanna try that on Felix?”

 

“Bitch, you’re right.”

 

Jisung made a face. “Sounds soft and yucky. I’m guessing there are no explosions or bionic weapons in this manga?”

 

“No,” said Seungmin. “It’s just a regular high school love story.”

 

“Are there superpowers?”

 

“No. Of course not.”

 

“Is there at least a death game?”

 

“No.”

 

“Magical dice that lets you change your appearance and abilities based on the numbers you roll?”

 

“Uh uh.”

 

“Not even like… a pink-haired girl with fire powers and a dude with excellent swordsmanship?”

 

“There’s like two or three of those and it’s none of them. I told you, it’s not a fantasy. It’s just a  cute slice-of-life.”

 

“Ugh,” Jisung groaned. “I thought you hated reading that kind of shit?”

 

“I guess I did because the last few I read were so see-through that it wasn’t fun. Like that one where the boy falls in love with his teacher? You can guess from the premise all of the obstacles that are going to get in the way of such a relationship. Or that other one I tried about the girl with amnesia who falls in love with the same guy every day because she just doesn’t remember they’ve met? I knew where that one was going chapters in advance.”

 

“What makes this one different, then,” asked Jisung. “Because love triangles have been done to death as well.”

 

“That’s the thing,” Seungmin said, finding himself blushing. Just thinking about it was making him shy. “It’s not your typical triangle. It’s actually slowly turning into this bisexual polyamorous thing. Or at least that’s what it feels like. Maybe I’m reading too far into it.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds about right. I doubt that is what’s actually happening.”

 

They were getting close to the beach, the water stretching on and on across the horizon out to their left. The sun was just high enough up to be reflected and paint the ocean purple and pink and gold. It was the first color of the day, chasing away all of the dark grays of the sky. Even though Seungmin walked past this same view nearly every day, he still found appreciation for it. Then, suddenly, Seungmin said, “Felix might be moving away,” because it was the only thing that had been on his mind since he got up from in front of his game.

 

Jisung didn’t react at first. It was probably too early in the morning for it to click right away. He glanced up at the sky, chewing on the last few bits of his hand pie. And then, “Huh?” He nearly choked. “He’s _what_?”

 

“Moving. He told me the other day.”

 

Why did he expect something like sympathy from his friend? Even as he watched, Jisung looked at him with comically wide eyes and a tilted head, eyebrows raised. Here we go. Jisung said, “Yes, I see it now. Clear as day.”

 

“See what?” Seungmin asked with his mouth full.

 

“Everything.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Oh yeah, I’ve got my Best Friend magnifying glass! Let me get it.” Jisung reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out thin air. He made a circular shape with his index finger and thumb and then held it up to his eye. Through the circle, he stared at Seungmin and even leaned in close to get an even better ‘view.’ “It’s all clear to me now!”

 

“What do you see?” Seungmin reiterated, getting genuinely curious. He even wiped his mouth with the tea towel to make sure there weren’t any crumbs.

 

“I see your anger. Your resentment.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes and looked away.

 

“Aha! There it is!” Jisung pointed. “I knew it! You’re so pissed.”

 

“Did you work on your essay at all?” Seungmin tried to change the subject.

 

Jisung would not be deterred. “Oh, you’re upset. You’re _heated_! I can feel it from here.” He let out a delighted little cackle.

 

Seungmin shoved his hand pie into his friend’s mouth, if only to stop his crazed laughter.

 

Although Jisung took a big bite obediently, he wasn’t about to stop his needling. “What are some other words for angry? Infur-- You’re furious!”

 

Seungmin lunged in his direction as if about to swing on him.

 

Jisung barely flinched. He just put a hand over his chest in faux-surprise. “This rage.”

 

“Shut up.” Seungmin swatted at him with his towel.

 

“Oooh, you’re big mad. Your sweet, precious little angel is going away!”

 

This was one of those situations where Seungmin had to be the bigger person and take the high road, if you will. “Onlydumbassessaywhat.”

 

“What?” It took a long second for Jisung to catch what he’d just walked into. “Goddammit, man.”

 

Seungmin snickered. Served him right. He looked past Jisung towards the beach for a second and then gasped. “Can you take my bag to class?”

 

“Huh? Why?”

 

“Just do it. Here.” Seungmin slipped his backpack from off of his shoulder and pushed it into Jisung’s hands before he took off running across the street.

 

“Where are you going?” Jisung shouted at his back. “You’re going to be late to school!”

 

“When are we ever on time?” Seungmin shouted back.

 

Jisung yelled, “Yesterday! We were even early!”

 

Seungmin ignored him and hopped down the sand-covered stairs to the boardwalk and then, with a shocking amount of athleticism, hoisted himself over the railing and onto the sand. He ran towards the water, huffing and puffing from the exertion already. School didn’t matter at the moment. Only what he could see in front of him meant anything. Excitedly, he shouted, “Felix!”

 

The boy in question was standing there facing the water, his shoes only a short distance from the reach of the waves. At the sound of his name, he slowly turned. It was a scene in a manga. The wind off of the ocean tousled Felix’s hair and the rising sun bounced off his brown eyes just right and turned them the color of honey. When he recognized Seungmin, he smiled and waved. Fuck, he was so handsome. Did he really just get out of bed looking as good as that _every day_? Seungmin felt his heart race. Not because he had just finished running but because Felix was really here and he wasn’t dreaming and now they were alone with no annoying surfer dudes to cockblock him. Bravely, Seungmin stood right next to Felix, close enough that their elbows touched. Even at such tame contact, his whole body felt electrified and he couldn’t get rid of the big ass grin on his face. Just like seeing the ocean every day still made him pause in awe, every time he saw Felix he was still blown away by how mystical the boy was. “Good morning,” Seungmin exhaled.

 

“Morning,” said Felix, his voice a little hoarse and scratchy and perfect.

 

“Good morning,” Seungmin repeated himself.

 

Felix laughed, “If _you’re_ just walking by, it must be super late. We should go.” He grabbed his bag from the sand by his feet and started to turn as if to leave, but--

 

“Wait,” Seungmin told him. He just wanted this moment to keep going, to last longer. He needed to stay here with Felix a little bit more. “What’s up? You usually don’t come out here in the mornings.” Felix lived down by the marina. Which meant that he would have had to walk _past_ the school to get here. He would only come so far out of his way for a good reason.

 

“Just looking at the ocean,” Felix said.

 

It was a far simpler explanation than Seungmin was expecting and he almost felt disappointed. He raised a hand to his hair to at least attempt to keep it under control as the wind gusted. “It’s great to look at,” Seungmin stated. And it was, really. The waves rhythmically crashed against the shore in an oddly soothing rumble and there didn’t seem to be a single boat out at the moment to obstruct the view. It was still too early even for the gulls. They were the only two people out here and it felt wonderful. “I’m glad I get to walk by it every day.”

 

Felix let out a strained noise. Not quite a snort. Not quite a word. He sounded like he was in pain.

 

Seungmin looked over at him. “Did I say something stupid?”

 

“No,” Felix said quickly. “You never say anything stupid. I’m just--” He stopped himself. He clenched his fists and shook a little. For a brief moment, Seungmin thought he might start crying but, instead, Felix just screamed into the air. No words. Just sound. That explained why his voice was so hoarse. Felix closed his eyes against the breeze and inhaled sharply. “I’m just… I’m just trying to really commit this place to memory.”

 

Seungmin stared at him. More out of distraction than confusion. He couldn't stop looking at Felix. Couldn’t stop watching his mouth or counting his freckles or daydreaming about kissing his nose.

 

Felix opened his eyes. “Because, you know, I may not get to see it again soon.”

 

Oh. Seungmin looked away quickly so he wouldn’t get caught staring. “You say that like Australia isn’t surrounded by the ocean. Like it doesn’t have beaches.” He at least _tried_ to make light of it.

 

“But not _this_ beach,” came Felix’s sharp response. “Not this beach with these memories and these sounds.” He raised his arms into the air as if trying to give the ocean a hug. The movement made him bump into Seungmin a bit and the taller boy thrilled at the body contact. Felix said,  “Years ago, I hated this place. But I love it now and I wouldn’t be who I am without the people I met here. Changbin… Minho… You...”

 

“Me?” Seungmin whirled around, surprised.

 

At this, Felix laughed. That beautiful sound. “Yeah, you. Everyone I met, man. All of you are special to me.” He put a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder.

 

“You’re just saying that.”

 

“I’m not. You’re all my friends and I don’t want to leave. If I go back to Australia, I won’t have anyone. All of my friends from back then… It’s been years and I don’t even know if they’ll want to hang out with me again. I don’t even know if they’ll remember me because we never kept in touch.”

 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

Felix sighed and lowered his hand to his side, staring out over the waves. “It’s okay. I’m just super stressed out. I feel like I’m losing everything.”

 

“Hey!” Before Seungmin could properly get a grip on his words, he said, “I’m losing you, too.” And then, when he realized what had come out of his mouth, “We all are.” There was a brief pause. A quiet that grew heavy as it filled with all of the words they weren’t saying to each other. More than anything, Seungmin wanted to lean forward and kiss Felix. It would be so easy. The moment seemed right. And Felix had this sad little smile on his face and was _standing so close_. Next to nothing separated them but even with such an opportunity directly in front of him, Seungmin was a coward. His thrashing heart paralyzed his limbs. He could barely blink. Even when he knew that this might be his last chance with Felix, he turned away. In his imagination, he was brave and could say all of the things he truly felt, like how he had been crushing on Felix all year. In his imagination, he was fearless and could kiss Felix and hold him tight as the sun rose above them. But... “Come on. Let’s get to class,” he said instead.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It was lunchtime and Seungmin was walking to the cafeteria on auto-pilot, only vaguely aware of the crowded hallway around him. His brain felt like it had turned to mush. Not even from lack of sleep but the pure boredom that he could only experience from sitting through a math class with nothing to do because he left his damn manga at the house! Second period wasn’t all that much better. He had actually taken notes in class for the first time since… March? ...and it had taken far more brain power and concentration than he realized. That’s why he didn’t notice that someone had walked up next to him and was matching his slow, languid pace to the cafeteria doors at the far end of the hall. Seungmin saw the Butterfinger before he saw who it was waving it in front of his face. He perked up, all of his exhaustion instantly gone. “Ahh, sweet! Hell yes.” The boy snatched the blue and yellow packaging and was halfway through tearing off a corner with his teeth before his brain recognized that it was Hyunjin next to him and not, you know, Jisung or even Changbin or someone. Seungmin was so caught off-guard that he stuck the candy bar into his mouth and attempted to take a bite of it even though it was still in its wrapper. Belatedly realizing what he’d done, he recoiled and coughed.

 

At the comical sight, Hyunjin laughed and shook his head. “I know it’s your favorite, but slow down.”

 

Embarrassed, Seungmin looked away. He was used to looking like a fool in front of others. He wasn’t used to someone finding his foolishness… cute. Seungmin tore off the packaging and bit into the actual candy bar this time. He said, “How do you know they are my favorite?”

 

Hyunjin didn’t even hesitate. “You eat them in class all of the time.”

 

Damn. True. “Do I,” he asked sarcastically.

 

“But I noticed that you didn’t have one today.”

 

“So you just decided to buy me one?”

 

To this, Hyunjin nodded slowly, a dangerously bright smile creeping across his face.

 

Seungmin looked away quickly, not wanting to see that smile aimed in his direction. He took another bite of the candy. He almost said something like ‘You really actually totally shouldn’t have’ but the last thing he needed was to hear something like ‘Oh, I just wanted to’ or ‘As long as I get to see you happy’ on a Tuesday. On _any_ day, really. Instead, he just said, “Thanks.”

 

“No problem,” Hyunjin replied.

 

There was something else that Seungmin needed to ask. “Are you going to keep wearing your hair like that?”

 

Hyunjin raised a hand to the half-up man bun at the back of his head. He nodded. “I like it. I think it looks nice.”

 

Better than the tangled mess it used to be, Seungmin thought.

 

He must have muttered it aloud because Hyunjin let out a nervous laugh. “I like the change. Thanks.”

 

“Don’t thank me. I didn’t do it.”

 

“Maybe you should do something different with your hair, too?” Hyunjin suggested. He lifted a hand and carded his fingers through Seungmin’s bangs.

 

Okay, that was _too_ friendly and familiar and didn’t need to happen again. “My hair is fine. Thanks,” Seungmin said. He reached up and pulled Hyunjin’s hand out of his hair.

 

Seungmin expected Hyunjin to get bored and walk off. He did not. They continued to walk next to each other, which Seungmin didn’t find threatening until Hyunjin bumped into him and made them both stumble.

 

“Sorry,” the tall boy mumbled, putting a steadying hand on Seungmin’s shoulder. “Wasn’t paying attention.”

 

The contact made Seungmin freeze up a little. If only because it made him pay more attention. “Your face…” He waved his Butterfinger in the air.

 

Hyunjin took his hand off of Seungmin’s shoulder and gingerly touched his own face. It was very clear he had gotten into quite the physical altercation yesterday. His cheeks were still swollen and purplish with bruises and the cuts on his lips were starting to scab over in quite the ugly fashion.

 

“That doesn’t hurt at all?” Seungmin found himself reaching out a hand to touch Hyunjin’s face before he stopped what he was doing and dropped his hand. Shit. Being empathetic nearly screwed him over!

 

“I guess I’m used to it.”

 

Seungmin said, “Used to… getting in fights…?”

 

“What about you?” Hyunjin asked. He reached out and boldly put his fingertips on Seungmin’s cheek, confidently doing exactly what Seungmin had just stopped himself from doing. “You look really tired.”

 

Seungmin pretended to cough so that he could turn away and break the physical connection. He cleared his throat and turned back around. “I didn’t sleep. I _couldn’t_ sleep.”

 

Hyunjin lowered his hand to his side. “Why? What’s wrong?”

 

“I was up all night playing Dragon Quest.” This was the truth.

 

“Which one?”

 

Seungmin almost answered him until he realized that Hyunjin had asked ‘Which one?’ as opposed to ‘What’s that?’ Did that mean Hyunjin knew what it was? Yikes. If Seungmin properly answered his question and then Hyunjin made an additional comment, that meant they were going to have a conversation and that definitely could not happen. “It’s nothing,” he said. Then it dawned on him that even this thing right here was a _conversation_ . “Where’s Chan?” _And shouldn’t you be hanging out with him instead of me_ , he added in his head.

 

“Went to the fair to play hooky. Said he’d bought an unlimited go-kart pass or something.”

 

Dammit. “What about Juyeon? Where’s he?”

 

“Said he wasn’t coming to school today.”

 

Shit! Didn’t Hyunjin have anyone else to be hanging out with?

 

“Thanks for being concerned, though,” said Hyunjin. “They’re all fine. No one got badly hurt.”

 

“That’s not why I’m asking,” huffed Seungmin. He put the last of the candy bar into his mouth and chewed. Without warning, Hyunjin lifted his hand and wiped his thumb over Seungmin’s bottom lip, removing a chocolate crumb. Seungmin’s eyes went wide and he raised his hands to his face. Hyunjin was too quick for him and dropped his hand which meant Seungmin wound up smacking himself on the mouth.

 

Hyunjin did that soft little giggle of his.

 

Seungmin got the heebeegeebees. Why did Hyunjin always _giggle_ ? This was getting dangerous. Yes, he knew he had given Hyunjin permission to like him but he didn’t know being liked meant _spending time together_ . Who knew? But… This wasn’t what he wanted to have happen and it was going to get out of hand real fast. He could tell. Seungmin needed to put a stop to this or it would do something crazy like continue on. “Why me,” he asked, stopping abruptly just outside the cafeteria doors. The cacophony of lunchtime threatened to drown out his words. “Why… why do you like _me_?”

 

Hyunjin leaned up against the wall near the door which, thankfully, put a significant amount of distance between them. He didn’t say anything although it was obvious he was trying very hard to put his thoughts into words.

 

Seungmin pressed, “It only started recently, right?” Because he was positive he would have noticed the class bad boy giggling at him.

 

Hyunjin still didn’t answer. Even with his height and physique, he could look terribly meek when he kept his eyes towards the floor. Was this a success? Was Seungmin about to make him run off? One more bold question would do, he was sure.

 

“Was it really just the letter that started everything?” Seungmin had to know. _Because that was a mistake_ , he stopped himself from saying. _You weren’t supposed to get that_.

 

“I think so, but it’s just that…” Hyunjin paused. He looked up and met Seungmin’s eyes. His face wasn’t half as frightened as Seungmin assumed. In fact, he looked relieved, like he was happy he finally got to say this out loud. “It’s just that you’re one of the few people who aren’t afraid of me.”

 

Seungmin nearly laughed out loud. He was very afraid. He was afraid right now! He literally wanted to take off running because his heart was pounding so hard in his chest. Every time they touched, every time they looked at each other, every time they spoke words to each other, his stomach felt all tingly and full of air. That was fear, right? Wasn’t that how fear felt? And fear felt like a natural response to the man in front of him. Right at that moment, it only took an instant for Seungmin to recall what the guy looked like yesterday: beat up and bloody and happy about it. “You _are_ a scary dude.”

 

“Yeah, but…” Hyunjin bit his bottom lip, still trying to get his thoughts in order. “You know I’m more than that. That’s not all of me.”

 

This was backfiring. Seungmin wasn’t really trying to learn more about this weird thing between them, he just wanted to get the boy to feel some shame and perhaps back off, but… “I think we--” -- _should only be friends_. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t spit them out. All he could think of was Felix saying those exact same words to him last week and how they had absolutely broken his heart. Seungmin slapped a hand over his mouth.

 

“You think what?” Hyunjin prompted, leaning off of the wall to come close, bringing his body heat and the mild scent of his shampoo with him.

 

“I…” Seungmin muttered from behind his hand. He looked up at Hyunjin’s face feeling weak and ready to run. Everytime Hyunjin smiled at him, it felt like the earth was a second from imploding. Every time he looked into Hyunjin’s eyes, it felt like he was falling. Was this fear? Seungmin had a very dangerous thought: if Felix was moving away, would Hyunjin be a viable dating option? No. No no no no no no. NO! Why was he even _considering_ that? Where did that thought even come from? He had just been thinking about fear, how had his mind jumped to that? But maybe maybe maybe it had never actually been fear, but-- “Holy fuck!” Seungmin gasped out.

 

Hyunjin twisted his mouth into a concerned frown. Then his frown warmed into a smile. “Hey, it’s your brother.”

 

It was such a wild subject change that Seungmin didn’t know how to react. “Huh?” He didn’t even get the chance to ask anything else before a hand clamped tight around his left ear and pulled him backwards. “Ow ow ow!” Seungmin’s head jerked back from the force. He was yanked down the hallway quite some distance before he was able to turn his body enough to see Woojin dragging him away. “Shit!” He tried to aim a kick at his brother’s side but only wound up putting more pressure on his ear.

 

“We need to talk,” Woojin growled out.

 

“Stop pulling me. I’m not twelve!”

 

A trio of girls walking towards the cafeteria laughed at the sight, giving the boys a wide berth as Seungmin struggled like a caught fish flailing around on a hook.

 

Woojin didn’t stop until they were around the corner and away from the cafeteria noise. He pushed Seungmin against the wall and then let go of his ear. The first thing out of Woojin’s mouth was a cold, serious, “Break up with him.”

 

Seungmin almost laughed. “What?” What was he talking about?

 

“Hyunjin,” Woojin said, waving a hand in the direction of the cafeteria doors. “Break up with him.”

 

Okay, now Seungmin really _did_ laugh. “Are you joking? The fuck?” Maybe he just hadn’t heard right. His ear was still ringing, after all. He gently rubbed at it.

 

“I’m serious,” Woojin snapped, folding his arms across his chest. “I did some digging and found out that guy back there was the one who initiated the gang fight on campus yesterday.”

 

“Are you doing background checks on people now? Thought you were going to school for sports medicine, not law enforcement training.”

 

“I was looking into the fight,” Woojin went on as if Seungmin hadn’t spoken. “And your boyfriend’s name was at the top of the list of perpetrators.”

 

So he _had_ heard right. Woojin saying the b-word like that so casually sounded quite absurd. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

 

Woojin kept on. “All of those dudes are a bunch of gangsters.”

 

“Okay? And? What does that have to do with me?”

 

“What if you get caught up in something just because you’re associated with that boy? You _do_ know that you’re not going to get a decent job or make it into any kind of good college if you have a criminal record, you know.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes. Woojin was in full Nagging Older Brother mode and probably would not get out of it anytime soon. “I’m not going to have a criminal record. I’m pure.”

 

“All the more reason to call things off with that dude,” Woojin stated. “You’re smiling but I’m serious.”

 

“I’m smiling because you’re being silly.”

 

Woojin gazed off into the distance, thinking. “Even when he came to dinner, I knew something was off. Wasn’t that the first thing I asked you back then? About him being a rebel? Why would you date somebody like him?”

 

“Even if I did date him, can’t I date whoever I want?”

 

“Why him, though? That dude is going to wind up in jail someday.”

 

“Stop being a dick,” Seungmin said. He didn’t know why he was defending Hyunjin but there was just something about the dirty way Woojin was talking about him that he suddenly didn’t like. “He’s not a bad guy.”

 

“How can you say that, Seungmin? I know love makes you blind but his face is literally black and blue with bruises from the fight. Didn’t you see?”

 

“Yes. I saw. We talked about that.”

 

“I’m surprised the dean hasn’t had him escorted off campus in handcuffs already!”

 

“Woojin!” Seungmin snapped. Then he remembered that they were in the middle of a busy hallway and the last thing he wanted to do was attract too much attention. He lowered his voice. “It’s not like he goes around killing people. There was a reason for that fight. A shallow one, but a reason.”

 

“Violence is violence. He could be saving the world like one of your little game characters or whatever but he still started a fight at school. Half of the guys he beat up weren’t even students here which makes it all worse!”

 

“He didn’t start the fight. The other guys provoked him and his crew.”

 

“Who cares? They could have done what normal people would do in that situation and ignore all of that and stay in class.”

 

“You don’t understand.”

 

Woojin scowled. He leaned forward and looked his little brother right in the eye. “No. You’re the one not understanding. Your boyfriend is a bad influence.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

 

“Right. Because you’re going to break up with him.”

 

“We were never dating.”

 

“Uh huh,” Woojin said, clearly not convinced. “I’m taking you home this afternoon. No excuses. Don’t make that face!”

 

“You don’t have to take me.”

 

“You wanted to come with me so bad yesterday.”

 

“That was yesterday. This is today.”

 

“You’re coming home with me and that’s that,” Woojin ordered. “You’re not spending any more time with him.”

 

“Bro,” Seungmin whined.

 

“If I see you hanging around him again, I’m going to tell Mom. Screw that. I’m going to tell Mom anyways.”

 

“Why? She has nothing to do with this.”

 

“Of course she does! She thinks that kid is the sweetest bean sprout on the planet and she needs to know the truth about him!”

 

“And what truth is that, huh? Like you know him any better than Mom does!”

 

“I’ve looked him up,” said Woojin, “and this isn’t even his first school. He went to that inland school a year and a half ago before he had to transfer here.”

 

“You’re just being an asshole now.”

 

“I’m telling the truth. I couldn’t find out exactly why he left the other school but I bet it was because of his behavior.”

 

Seungmin sighed. He felt like he was repeating himself. “You don’t know him. So stop.”

 

Woojin did not stop. “And this isn’t his first fight, either. I’ve asked around and the number of times he’s been suspended for violence is astounding. The fact that he hasn’t been permanently expelled… He’s a monster, Seungmin.”

 

Now that was taking it way too far. Loudly, Seungmin said, “No, he’s not. Take that back.”

 

Woojin uncrossed his arms so that he could poke Seungmin in the chest. “I know it’s hard to believe because he probably treats you like you’re the best thing since sliced bread but look at the facts, Seungmin. If he hits other people, what’s there to stop him from hitting you? He’s a monster and I’m just looking out for you.”

 

“Don’t talk about him like that.” Without thinking, Seungmin put his hands on his brother’s chest and _shoved_.

 

Woojin wasn’t expecting it. He tripped over his own feet and landed on his backside on the floor. Woojin’s eyes went wide. His mouth fell open in a round o-shape. He looked up. Angry. Surprised. Maybe a tad bit scared. “See? You’re acting like him already!”

 

“SHUT UP!” Seungmin screamed at him and then he took off running. Away from his brother, away from the cafeteria, and away from the weird, brittle feeling in his chest.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“You know,” said Jisung, shutting the door behind him with his hip, “this place isn’t all that bad for a meal.” He glanced around the nurse’s office as if he’d never been in it before. He even gasped dramatically at the poster of a cross-section of an eyeball on the wall. “The decor is a little avant-garde for my tastes and the lights are way too bright but meals are all about the company, right?”

 

“Thanks,” Seungmin took the metal lunch tray out of Jisung’s hands and settled back into his chair.

 

“No problem, best friend.” Jisung carried his own tray across the room to push open the window and let in the breeze. “Are you actually going to tell me why we’re eating lunch in here or do I have to do my least favorite thing and guess?” He got settled down on the edge of the bed closest to his friend.

 

Seungmin balanced the tray on his knees while he pulled apart the wooden chopsticks in his hand. Today they were having pollack and rice, stir-fried pork with a side of vegetables, a thin tofu soup and-- “Watermelon! They’re finally in season. Gotta tell Mom.”

 

“Still waiting on an answer,” Jisung singsonged.

 

Seungmin popped a cube of watermelon in his mouth. Nice and sweet. “I just don’t want to deal with a lot of people today.” More accurately, he didn’t want to see Hyunjin so soon after that disaster with his brother. “Plus, I want to tell you something.”

 

Jisung used a spoon to scoop up some of his soup. Solemnly, he asked, “Are you pregnant? Why are you holding up your napkin like that?”

 

“Because when I tell you this, you’ll spit up your soup.”

 

Jisung put the soup in his mouth and then halfway gargled, “Tell me anyway.”

 

“Hyunjin likes me.” Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut, raised the napkin in front of his face like a shield and waited. Several seconds passed without a loud and obnoxious reaction. He opened his eyes. Jisung was still sitting comfortably on the bed, scooping up another spoonful of soup. “You aren’t surprised?”

 

“Dude, every single time I turn around to talk to you in class, he’s staring at the back of your head.”

 

“Damn. Dammit! _Fuck._ ” Seungmin tore off a chunk of pollack with his chopsticks and dropped it onto his tongue.

 

“Why all of that? Was that not the reaction you wanted?”

 

“I just thought I was dreaming. I mean, I knew I wasn’t but I still somehow thought I was. It should be impossible, right? Someone like him liking someone like me.”

 

“Hey now. In this house, we don’t talk shit about ourselves.”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant… Someone so quiet--”

 

“--liking someone who is an absolute loon?” Jisung finished for him. “Opposites attract, dude.”

 

“Well, in that case, shouldn’t the smartest guy in class be attracted to the dumbest?”

 

“Hey.”

 

Seungmin corrected himself, “Shouldn’t the guy who cares the most about his grades be attracted to the guy who cares the least about his grades?”

 

“If you weren’t such a coward,” Jisung told him, stuffing his face with more food. “Wow, this has a good taste to it.”

 

“The pork?” Seungmin tried a bit of his own. “Hmm. Wow. This sauce they used. What a nice slow heat.”

 

Jisung picked up their earlier thread of conversation. “I mean, Felix is leaving so now you’ve got no choice but to go with the one that’s left.”

 

“Don’t say it like that. I mean, maybe Hyunjin will get over it. Grow out of it like I did.”

 

Now this made Jisung sit up and gasp. “You’re over Felix!?”

 

“No. The other boy.”

 

“What other--”

 

“We’re getting off topic. We’re talking about Hyunjin. Like, he will find somebody else to like soon, won’t he? It can’t be just me. Someone else will come along who he will like and buy candy for and pass notes to.”

 

“Trust me. He used to only sleep in class but now he’s super attentive.”

 

“Oh, I _know_ ,” Seungmin stated, recalling the Butterfinger gift he received earlier. “So it really was the letter,” he muttered. “He knows I didn’t write it for him yet he keeps putting himself in front of me. He keeps being nice to me and smiling at me and liking me.” _And, to be honest, I might like him, too,_ he added in his head _._

 

Except he didn’t because Jisung shouted, “Holy shit on an altar, dude! I was just joking around the other day about you giving him a chance, you know.”

 

Seungmin sighed and then stuck more pollack in his mouth. “Don’t mind me. I’m delirious from food poisoning and speaking nonsense.”

 

“I take back everything I said about being tired of you talking about Felix. In fact, I miss you talking about him all of the time. Go back to liking him, why don’t you?”

 

“You’re right,” said Seungmin, gazing out the window and shoveling rice into his mouth. “I’m just being silly.”

 

There was a noise at the door. It was the sound of the handle jiggling.

 

Jisung and Seungmin looked at each other with equally wide eyes. As much as they bugged Mr. Ok during class, his one rule was not to get on his nerves during lunch. It was the one time he could be free of them, he’d said. Seungmin jumped up out of his chair and nearly spilled his food in his rush to hop up on the bed next to Jisung. Expertly, Jisung smoothly pulled the curtain around the bed to hide them from the nurse.

 

They heard the door squeak open and Mr. Ok’s low voice seeped into the room. “--will be happy to help you set up the event.”

 

A woman’s voice floated in next. “Thanks, Taecyeon. I appreciate it. I’ve already talked it over with the dean so I think I can start preparations.”

 

Seungmin peered around the corner of the curtain and could see just enough into the rest of the room to spot Miss Kim. She was tall and pretty with her black hair in cascading waves down her shoulders. Her blouse was just bohemian enough that you could glance at her and tell she was in the arts. Seungmin slid back more properly into their hiding place.

 

Jisung gave Seungmin a confused look.

 

Seungmin, as quietly as he could, pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up their chat and typed out the message. Since they were sitting right next to each other, he didn’t send it. ‘Miss Kim, the art teacher,’ read the words on his screen.

 

Jisung’s eyes went wide which Seungmin interpreted as ‘The one he likes?’

 

Seungmin nodded vigorously before popping another watermelon cube in his mouth. This was going to be good.

 

“I’m glad you’re doing something like this, Yubin,” said Mr. Ok. “Our school focuses so much on athleticism, which is fine, but we do so little for the arts here. It wasn’t always like that. In fact, it used to be the other way around.”

 

Miss Kim asked, “What do you mean?”

 

“A decade or so ago, the only sports were volleyball, basketball and the most basic of track and field events. Now they’ve added tennis and baseball and soccer but they’ve cut funding to other departments in order to do it.”

 

“Well, sports make schools a lot of money.”

 

“Yeah, but…” Mr. Ok started. He crossed the room towards his desk, if Seungmin could tell by the sound. “I respect the dean but she still hasn’t reopened the music program like she said she would four or five years ago.”

 

“Music? You guys had something like that here?” Miss Kim wondered.

 

“Believe it or not, I was in the school band when I was a student here. Clarinet. First chair.”

 

“Oh, I see.” Miss Kim clapped her hands, sounding genuinely impressed. “Are you trying to be the new conductor here or something?”

 

“No. Nothing like that. I just miss hearing music on campus. The band was why I wanted to work here, you know, only to show up and find out it has long been disbanded.”

 

Jisung tilted his head back so that he could dump a spoonful of soup in his mouth without slurping it. Seungmin scooped up some rice and then mixed it in with his vegetables. With the curtain blocking his view, he had to rely on his imagination to lay the scene. In his head, Mr. Ok was staring wistfully off into space as he remembered while Miss Kim watched him with her eyes full of nostalgia and longing.

 

“It’s a shame,” Miss Kim commented. “I never really appreciated stuff like that growing up. I didn’t join any clubs, didn’t go to prom, never went to any games. I’m this old and still feel like I missed out. If only I could go back...”

 

There was a noise from the far side of the room. It sounded like Mr. Ok had knocked something over on his desk. “Well, that’s why you’re doing this, right? The art exhibition thing?”

 

“Even if it can only be an after school thing right before exams, my students will love to have their art displayed. Oh, your window opens all of the way? I’m still waiting on the repairman to get to mine.” The two boys heard her heels click on the floor as she came dangerously close to the bed to peep out the window.

 

“That wasn’t open when I left,” Mr. Ok said. “I think a pair of monkeys may have did it.” A second dark shadow crossed the curtain, really really really close.

 

Jisung and Seungmin looked at each other, both of them chewing their food ever so slightly slower as if that might keep them from getting caught.

 

“You can see the athletic fields from here,” Miss Kim gasped. “The only view I get is the teacher’s parking lot and even that is blocked by Wooyoung’s shit show of a pickup truck.”

 

Mr. Ok laughed. “It is an ugly truck.”

 

“Horrendous,” Miss Kim went on. “Rusted all over. Makes all of that noise and belches out all of that smoke when he drives it. One day it’s just going to fall apart right there in the lot.”

 

“He has to have the money saved up to buy a new one,” said Mr. Ok. “He’s been here about as long as I have and I’ve definitely bought a new car.”

 

“Well, you’re single and your priorities are a little different. Wooyoung’s married with three kids. A fourth on the way. I’d buy a car myself if I didn’t live so close to everything.”

 

“The one perk about small towns.”

 

“I heard the sushi restaurant here is quite exceptional,” said Miss Kim.

 

At this, Seungmin nodded as if he were part of the conversation.

 

“Really?” Mr. Ok asked. “How about I buy you dinner and we can go over the exhibit plans?”

 

Smooth. Jisung almost gave them away by snickering.

 

“Tonight won’t work, actually,” Miss Kim said.

 

Shot down! Seungmin choked on his rice.

 

“What was that,” Miss Kim asked.

 

“The monkeys, I’m sure,” Mr. Ok explained.

 

“Wait. So actual monkeys live in those trees?”

 

“And they just come in and out of my office as they please.”

 

“Can you call Animal Control for that?”

 

“They are basically pets at this point.”

 

Jisung almost laughed. Seungmin had to clamp his hand over his friend’s mouth to stop the sound.

 

“Well, I’ve got some assignments to look over before lunch ends,” Miss Kim said. The sound of her heels click-clacked towards the door. Seungmin caught a whiff of her perfume. Very floral. She said, “Maybe we can do dinner some other evening?”

 

“Friday?” Mr. Ok suggested.

 

“Friday,” she confirmed.

 

Seungmin would have gasped out loud if Jisung hadn’t shoved his fingers in his mouth. Both of them tried hard not to laugh.

 

“That sounds great,” Mr. Ok told her. “I’ll call you.” Then, quickly, he added, “The dean will want to see an estimated cost report for the event. We can work on that.”

 

“Right,” said Miss Kim, drawing out the syllable. To Seungmin’s ears, it sounded like disappointment.

 

The boys listened to the door open and then shut. Had Mr. Ok left as well? It was very quiet in the office now. Jisung and Seungmin looked at each other. Seungmin’s hand was still pressed flat over half of Jisung’s face. Jisung’s fingers were still in Seungmin’s mouth. They both looked ridiculous. Seungmin tried not to laugh. Failed. Laughed.

 

“Bitch,” Jisung hissed at him. “Be quiet.”

 

That made Seungmin laugh harder, nearly choking on Jisung’s fingers.

 

Just then, the curtain was yanked all the way back in one violently swift motion.

 

Both of the boys startled and yelped. Seungmin almost bit Jisung’s hand.

 

Mr. Ok’s tall and imposing figure hovered over them both like a boss in a RPG where you _had_ to lose to advance the story. He shook his head and tsked. “You two would do a better job of hiding if you just stood in plain sight.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

That evening, dinner was uncharacteristically tense. Although the TV was on in the other room, the volume was turned down low, leaving the Kim family at the dinner table in a very strange and almost unheard of silence.

 

Mom only let this slide for about five minutes before she cleared her throat and asked, “Something happen at school today?” She looked from one son to the other. “Anything that we need to talk about?”

 

Woojin stared across the table at his brother.

 

Seungmin didn’t say anything. He avoided his brother’s prodding stare, poked at his food and hoped Mom wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

 

As if sensing his desperate need to keep things quiet, she said, “Speak up.”

 

Woojin was more than ready to divulge everything. “Are you going to tell her or should I?”

 

“Tell me what?” Mom asked, stiffening in her chair. “What happened, boys? You know I don’t like this kind of atmosphere at the table.”

 

“I’m giving you a chance here, Seungmin,” Woojin offered.

 

Seungmin looked up. Both his brother and his mother were staring at him expectantly and he felt vulnerable. He just wanted to eat and crawl into bed because he was finally tired enough to sleep but now he had all of this to deal with.

 

“Fine, then,” said Woojin. He dropped his chopsticks into his empty rice bowl with a clatter. He turned in his chair to look at Mom. “Seungmin’s boyfriend is a criminal.”

 

“Hyunjin?” Mom asked, confused.

 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Seungmin mumbled. Why did no one listen to him?

 

“Yeah,” Woojin answered Mom. “He started this big fight at school and then even showed up today with his face all banged up like he was proud of it.”

 

“Pumpkin, is this true?” Mom asked, glancing over at her youngest.

 

Seungmin just leaned back in his chair because he knew that whatever he said right now would pale in comparison to Woojin’s extremist words.

 

Woojin continued, knowing he had Mom on his side, “The whole crowd Hyunjin runs with are all bullies. They start stuff on campus all of the time, taking people’s money and harassing first-years. I knew just by looking at him that he was no good. Didn’t you?”

 

Mom took in this information with wide eyes. “I’ll admit that he does look a bit rough around the edges.”

 

“See? Listen to your gut instinct,” Woojin said.

 

“My gut instinct says you can’t judge people by their appearances.”

 

“I’m not judging by his appearances, I’m judging by his actions! His actual school record, Mom!” Woojin jumped up from the table emphatically. “He’s nothing but trash. You don’t want Seungmin involved with someone like that, do you?”

 

Mom reached a hand across the table, placing it on top of her youngest son’s. “Pumpkin, if you like him, then I trust your decision.”

 

“Mom!” Woojin screeched. “What are you talking about? Did you not hear anything I said?”

 

“I heard you, apple,” Mom said patiently. “Now lower your voice and sit down.”

 

For a handful of seconds, Woojin did not obey but when Mom glared up at him with her eyebrows furrowed, he sank back down into his chair and resumed eating.

 

Mom turned her attention back to Seungmin with a considerably softer expression. “Is what he said true? About Hyunjin?”

 

Seungmin nodded. “He does get into fights… and his friends are--” He thought about Chan. “--scary.”

 

“But he likes you and you like him, right?” Mom asked.

 

“Mom!” Woojin complained. “He’s dangerous!”

 

“Do you like him?” Mom asked Seungmin plainly.

 

“As a person, I guess,” Seungmin answered. “As a fellow human being who also has thoughts and feelings and memories and emotions.” Really, Hyunjin was just someone that he knew. Not someone that he _liked_ . He should have been welcoming any kind of reason to keep Hyunjin at a distance but he also couldn’t stand the way Woojin was painting Hyunjin as some death row inmate with a laundry list of disgusting crimes on him. Hyunjin really wasn’t _that_ bad. Was he? “He’s not a bad guy. Not… really. I mean, he’s bad but he’s not terrible. He’s awful but not vile.”

 

This answer seemed to satisfy Mom. Oddly. She leaned back in her chair and went back to eating. “Then invite him over for dinner again, soon, pumpkin.”

 

Woojin went off, “Please, Mom. Don’t encourage him. That boy’s a monster!”

 

That word again, Seungmin thought. “Stop calling him that!” He’d said it louder than he’d meant to and both his mother and his brother flinched at his volume.

 

“Alright,” Mom said after a while. “I’ve made a decision. Woojin, don’t talk about Seungmin’s boyfriend that way.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Seungmin repeated for what felt like the umpteenth time that day.

 

“And Seungmin,” Mom continued, “you bring that boy to dinner sometime this week. Or maybe we’ll go out somewhere if the house is too personal.”

 

Having dinner with Hyunjin again was never ever ever ever going to happen but Seungmin said “Okay, Mom” anyways.

 

At the very least, it brought an end to the discussion.

 

“Now let’s eat and talk about something that _won’t_ get you two shouting at each other,” Mom declared.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

An hour after dinner, Seungmin got a call from Jisung.

 

The first thing out of Jisung’s mouth when Seungmin answered was, “You’ve got a vicious dog sitting on your porch. Just thought you should know.”

 

Seungmin exited out of his game and stood up out of his computer chair. He was on a losing streak and needed a break anyways. He asked, “One of yours?”

 

“No. Definitely one of yours.”

 

Seungmin didn’t have any dogs. He didn’t have any pets at all. So was it a neighborhood stray? Seungmin left his room and started walking down the hallway, twisting his body in a stretch. He’d just peep out the window and see. Depending on how big the dog was, he’d either attempt to scare it off or announce that his family was officially under lockdown until the danger had passed. He walked by Woojin’s room. He had only planned to look inside for a second but Woojin was at his desk so they made eye contact.

 

Woojin was still mad about what happened at dinner. He was used to getting his brother in trouble and having Mom take his side yet now Mom was siding with Seungmin and it was eating him up. Seungmin could tell by the way Woojin rolled his eyes and looked away.

 

“Whatever you do,” Jisung said from the other side of the line, “don’t feed it. You’ll never get rid of it.”

 

It was late. Like, get-ready-for-bed late. Seungmin asked, “Why are you telling me this?”

 

“Because he’s obviously sitting there waiting on you.”

 

“Waiting on me?” So this wasn’t an actual dog. Was he… talking about a person? “I’ll talk to him, then.”

 

“I’m on the front porch so just scream if you get bit, okay?”

 

“Jisung.”

 

“I’ll be watching to make sure you don’t get murdered.”

 

Ahh. Now Seungmin knew what this was about. “Goodnight, Jisung.” He disconnected the call and pushed his phone in his back pocket. By then, he had reached the front of the house. He swung open the door. Using the light pouring out from the living room, he was able to see across the porch and, sure enough, Hyunjin was sitting on the steps. At the sound of the door opening, Hyunjin turned around to look up at him. “What are you doing here?” Seungmin asked, a little worried. This probably wasn’t the best time or place for them to talk.

 

“Sorry,” Hyunjin said quickly. “I wanted to talk but as soon as I got here, I lost all of my nerve.” He wrapped his arms around his legs and propped his chin up on his knees in a surprisingly boyish pose. “I was about to leave. I didn’t want you to see me here. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Seungmin flicked on the porch light so the boy wouldn’t be sitting in complete darkness. Then he crossed the front porch to join Hyunjin on the stairs. “What did you want to talk about?”

 

Hyunjin was quiet for a very long time. He watched the headlights of a car coming up the winding road and followed it with his eyes until the car went up into the dark, tree-covered hills and vanished out of sight. “I didn’t mean to,” Hyunjin said suddenly.

 

“Didn’t mean to what?”

 

Hyunjin shifted to face him. The stairs weren’t very wide so just that tiny movement brought them face to face. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” Hyunjin clarified. “In the hallway. At lunch.”

 

Seungmin’s heart dropped into his stomach. His body felt cold.

 

“I followed because I thought you and your brother were just playing around… but then I heard you two start talking about me.”

 

This made Seungmin feel like panicking. If Hyunjin had been standing just around the corner back then, then he’d heard everything. Woojin’s ranting and raving and calling Hyunjin a monster but, most importantly, the fact that Woojin had called Hyunjin Seungmin’s boyfriend several times. _Several_. At least a hundred. “Look,” Seungmin began, “Woojin didn’t--”

 

“Thank you,” Hyunjin interrupted, but he kept his voice soft. “For defending me. You’re probably one of the only people not in the crew who would do that for me.”

 

Seungmin was about to laugh off those concerns but then he remembered Jisung calling Hyunjin a vicious dog not even five minutes ago.

 

Hyunjin suddenly got tense. “Your brother hates me, doesn’t he? I should probably go. I’m sorry for being here.” He started to stand.

 

Before Seungmin really knew what he was doing, he grabbed Hyunjin’s hand and stopped him from getting up.

 

Hyunjin slowly turned to look at him, relaxing back onto the stairs.

 

“It’s okay,” Seungmin said. “Don’t listen to him. He was freaking out and just trying to pressure me because he thinks he knows everything.” His body felt like it was out of his control. His limbs seemed to be moving on their own. Words he wasn’t sure he wanted to say were tumbling out of his mouth. “My mother trusts you.”

 

“Really?” Hyunjin asked softly. So softly that his voice was nearly lost beneath the sound of crickets.

 

Seungmin nodded. “ _I_ trust you.”

 

Hyunjin smiled for the first time. Seungmin could feel what was about to happen. Even in the near-dark, he could tell that Hyunjin was leaning towards him.

 

Seungmin caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see his brother standing in the doorway, watching.

 

Hyunjin’s mouth briefly touched Seungmin’s cheek. Light and unsure and shaky and already pulling away. “Sorry, I--” Hyunjin started.

 

Seungmin knew for a fact that he wouldn’t have done this if his brother wasn’t watching, if his brother hadn’t made such a big deal about this, if his brother hadn’t called Hyunjin a monster. Seungmin put a hand on Hyunjin’s neck and guided him close again. “It’s okay,” he exhaled softly, and then he kissed Hyunjin on the mouth.


	15. In Which Every Plan Is Foiled

“Tell me what you like.

I can’t read your mind.”

 

Do U Wrong by Leven Kali, Syd

 

It should have been Felix.

 

It should have been! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

 

That was all Seungmin could think of as he leaned forward and pressed his lips more firmly against Hyunjin’s mouth. Felix’s name was the only thing on his mind, repeating endlessly. His imagination morphed and changed Hyunjin. All he could see in front of him was Felix. The curls of his hair, the pearl shape of his eyes, the prettiness of his nose, the softness of his low voice. He was brilliant, like a constellation, and his light flooded every corner of Seungmin’s brain. He kissed him deeper. Even as Hyunjin let out a tiny little sigh right in front of him, Seungmin could only think about a different boy. A boy who might be leaving soon. Hyunjin kissed him back. Just a little. The lightest pressure that made Seungmin’s lips tingle. But… This should be Felix. This should be _Felix_! Why wasn’t it Felix!? Right. It was because he was a coward. Seungmin watched as Hyunjin’s eyelids fluttered closed. He watched as the boy’s cheeks flushed with color. Hyunjin practically melted against him, but then--

 

“Sorry,” Hyunjin mumbled, blinking his eyes open and pulling away. His change in mood was instant. Unprovoked.

 

“Huh?” Seungmin leaned back in shock, raising a hand to his still-tingling lips. The kiss had been brief. Lasting mere seconds. Not too much longer than a deep breath in and out. Seungmin was confused. Wasn’t that what Hyunjin had wanted? Seungmin blinked. “Was it awful? Am I bad?” He could still taste Hyunjin on his tongue. “Is it my breath?”

 

Hyunjin stood up. “No, I… It’s just that--”

 

“Did you want an apple hand pie? We’ve got like two or three left over. Mom made them this morning.”

 

Hyunjin shook his head. “Thanks but no thanks.” He curled his fingers into the hem of his shirt and bit his plump bottom lip. The amount of fidgeting he was doing was unprecedented, Seungmin noticed. Was he… nervous? What was there to be nervous about? Hyunjin turned his gaze towards the dark stretch of road. “It’s late. I should get home.”

 

“Alright. Give me a second. I can ask my mom to drop you off.” Seungmin started to stand.

 

“You don’t have to.” Hyunjin was already moving down the stairs. He said, “Thank you. I can walk. It’s not far.”

 

Seungmin glanced towards the front doorway of his home. Woojin was nowhere to be found. Good. He was probably back in his room sulking because things weren’t going his way. Seungmin smirked and then turned to watch Hyunjin rush across the yard. “I’ll walk with you,” he offered. “Let me get my shoes.”

 

“My house is quite far.” Hyunjin said over his shoulder, trodding down the driveway with exceptional speed. Only then did Seungmin get the impression that he was running away. Fleeing.

 

Now Seungmin’s own mood was changing. What he thought had been a light moment was quickly turning sour. “At least let me walk you to the bottom of the hill,” Seungmin called out after him. “It’s the least I can do.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Hyunjin replied earnestly. He did not slow down. He was halfway out of the yard, already half-lost in the darkness outside of the circle of porch light.

 

Seungmin stood up and started down the stairs after him. He fleetingly wondered if he had said any of his thoughts about rather being with Felix aloud but, no, he doubted he had said anything with his tongue halfway inside Hyunjin’s mouth. “Mom wants you to eat dinner with us sometime. When are you free? Friday? Please come.”

 

Hyunjin didn’t give him an answer. He just did some frantic half-wave over his shoulder and then was out of sight.

 

Damn. For several seconds, Seungmin stood there, squinting into the darkness and trying to decide if he could pick Hyunjin’s form out of the shadows of the trees. He couldn’t. There weren’t any streetlights this far from town. Seungmin wondered aloud, “Is your house far or not far?” He wasn’t sure why that was the kind of thought to cross his mind. Should he… go after him? He hadn’t thought he’d made the wrong move but perhaps he’d scared Hyunjin off by being so forward.

 

Seungmin raised his hands to his lips again. At least they had stopped tingling.  

 

“Is he gone,” asked a voice after a long pause.

 

Seungmin stepped across his yard in the direction of the sound. He wondered what had taken so long. He had expected a louder and far more instant reaction. “You should know better than I do,” he spoke to the blue wooden fence. “He has to walk past your house to get to town.”

 

“How can I trust my eyes,” said the voice on the other side, “when I can’t believe anything I just saw?”

 

Seungmin propped his elbows up on the fence. Seungmin could barely make out the silhouette on the other side of the fence. If his neighbor had been watching from their front porch than they had seen everything. Perhaps they had heard everything, too. He huffed, “Jisung.”

 

“Best friend,” came the reply.

 

“You saw what you saw.”

 

“That looked pretty deep. Are you two going to be a _thing_ now?”

 

That was completely out of the question. That would never ever happen. Seungmin said, “I’m not sure.”

 

“What about Felix?”

 

“I’m… not sure.”

 

“Well then,” Jisung exhaled. “Do whatever floats your boat.”

 

“You’re not pissed are you? You sound pissed.”

 

“No… Just extremely surprised. Totally flabbergasted.”

 

“I’m shocked too, you know,” Seungmin admitted. He honestly didn’t know he had it in him. The ability to be so bold and ballsy. “He ran off pretty quick. I hope I didn’t make him angry.”

 

“I don’t think he’d smile like that if he was angry.”

 

“How closely were you watching?”

 

“From right here.”

 

“Well, I didn’t get murdered. That’s a good thing, I guess.”

 

Jisung was quiet for several seconds before he said, “Don’t get hurt.”  

 

“Hyunjin won’t hit me unless I turn into that dick Taeyong.”

 

“That’s not what I mean.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Don’t make a mess of things.”

 

“I don’t plan on getting attached.”

 

“Alright then,” replied Jisung. He raised his arms above his head in a stretch. “If you think you’ve got it under control, then…” Seungmin could feel it coming. “I trust you.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Jisung snickered. “Night.”

 

“See you tomorrow.” Seungmin watched Jisung head back to his front porch and disappear inside the pale blue house. Seungmin glanced up at the sky, taking in the view of the stars and the wispy clouds that had turned silver under the moonlight. He felt strange--heavy--but he couldn’t figure out why. There was something nagging at him. He could feel the emotion but he couldn’t place it or name it. It was something he wasn’t too familiar with and the strangeness of it irritated him.

 

Whatever. He walked back across his yard and up the porch steps. Indoors, Mom and Woojin were sitting next to each other on the couch in front of the TV but they clearly hadn’t been watching it. Seungmin could tell by the way the two of them glanced up at him as he shut the door behind him that they had been talking about him mere seconds before he had walked inside.

 

“Hey, pumpkin,” Mom said brightly. She sat her mug of hot chocolate down on the coffee table in front of her. “I’m okay with your boyfriend coming over to the house but it is getting very late and it’s a school night.”

 

“We just had a quick chat,” Seungmin said. He didn’t even have the strength left to correct her about the boyfriend bit. Part of him felt like it would be easier to just accept it.

 

Mom looked at him for several seconds as she contemplated how to word her sentences. Finally, she said, “Don’t make this late night stuff a habit, alright? At least not until school lets out. Your brother told me you left the house to see him the other night as well.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes. Of course his brother did! When would Woojin stop being so goddamn nosy? And if he was going to be a tattletale he at least needed to tell the right story! “I’ll save all of my sneaking out for the weekends,” he groaned.

 

He was being sarcastic but Mom seemed to tense up. “Just think before you act sometimes, pumpkin. Don’t do anything reckless.”

 

Seungmin was tired of this already. “I’m going to wash up and go to bed.”

 

“Alright. Good night.”

 

Woojin had other plans. As if purposefully trying to disrupt the mood, he asked, “What do you see in him? Honestly.”

 

He had pressed buttons and the effect was instantaneous. “What do you see in Jihyo?” Seungmin snapped. “What did Mom see in Dad?”

 

“Boys.” Mom’s voice was calm but she’d let the sharp edge of maternal authority slip into her tone.

 

Uncharacteristically, Woojin pushed harder, “If you want to be with him so bad--”

 

Mom nudged him in the side with her elbow.

 

Woojin forced a smile and changed his tune mid-sentence, “--then I won’t say anything else about it. Just don’t come crying to me if something crazy happens because all I will say is that I told you so.”

 

“Okay,” Seungmin said. Everyone seemed to be blowing this all out of proportion. Why did they all seem to care about this more than he did? Even Jisung had sounded all worried and scared for him. It’s not like he’d done anything! “I won’t come crying to you.”

 

“Boys,” Mom warned again, raising her voice ever so slightly.

 

“We’re not fighting,” Woojin spoke up calmly. “We’re just calling a truce.”

 

If it could be called that. It still _felt_ like a fight. Both of them were still angry like it was a fight.

 

Seungmin stated, “I invited Hyunjin to dinner on Friday. Although I don’t know if he’ll show.”

 

“Why not?” Mom asked. She sounded genuinely hurt. “He seemed to have such a blast the last time and enjoyed plenty of the food!”

 

“I don’t know why,” said Seungmin. He gave his older brother a pointed look. “He just told me he doesn’t feel welcome here.”

 

Mom looked at Woojin. Woojin looked at the floor.

 

Without waiting for a response from either of them, Seungmin left the living room, kept down the hall to the bathroom, flicked on the light and shut the door behind him. Standing in front of the mirror, he squeezed toothpaste out onto his brush and took out the sudden anxiety in his chest on his teeth. Why was Woojin always butting in and making a mess of everything? Why couldn’t he just mind his own business? Seungmin let those questions sit in his head for a little while only to lose control of them and have a dozen others swarm in. If all of this had been about Felix, would things have turned out better? Felix was a model student and was always top of the class. He’d never been suspended for fighting and didn’t steal first-year’s lunch money or sleep in class. Woojin wouldn’t find any fault in him, right? What fault was there to find? If that had been Felix he was chatting with before lunch today, would he and his brother have yelled and screamed at each other in the hallway? Hell, would they have yelled and screamed in front of Mom? If it had been Felix sitting on the porch just now, would Seungmin... feel so lost?

 

If it had been Felix...

 

Seungmin spat the toothpaste out into the sink and stared at himself in the mirror.

 

That feeling he couldn’t place earlier was back. He still couldn’t identify it but it continued to eat away at him. It felt a little sharp and a little cold with a weight to it that made him uncomfortable.

 

“Fuck,” he hissed.

 

He left the bathroom and went to his room. Not wanting to get lost in that feeling, he busied himself with a few minor tasks. He straightened up his manga bookshelf, dusted off his anime nendoroid collection, rushed through his homework, got his school bag all packed up for tomorrow and then checked and double-checked that he’d shoved his shoujo manga inside of it. There. All done!

 

As if waiting for him to stop moving, those weird questions sprang back into his thoughts. What if Felix hadn’t turned him down last week? How different would his life be now? If they had kissed and gotten together, would everything be alright? Would Felix still be moving?

 

Probably.

 

Seungmin shook his head and forced himself to think about something else. Anything else. Hyunjin came to mind first.

 

It was easy to recall the moment on the porch. That second of held breath before their mouths touched, the way Hyunjin had looked at him with eyes full of hope and--dare he think it?--longing, and how soft Hyunjin’s mouth was despite the cuts on his lips. Seungmin lost himself in the ‘what ifs’ of the situation. Would he have ever kissed Hyunjin if Woojin hadn’t been standing there, watching and judging and hating? Seungmin knew he had kissed Hyunjin impulsively. He knew he had done it out of spite, strictly to piss off Woojin. He _knew_ this! But only when Seungmin crawled under the covers of his bed and got settled on his pillow did he start to think that what he’d done tonight was selfish.

 

Only then did he realize that the heavy nagging feeling in his heart was clearly guilt.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“Oyyyy!”

 

It was the next day and Seungmin would have recognized that noise anywhere. Like a goose honking. Even in the crowded first floor hallway during that all-too-brief respite between first and second period, he almost instinctively knew that the sound was directed at him. It _had_ to be one of the surfer boys. He perked up, peeping over the heads and shoulders of his schoolmates until he spotted Minho near the entrance to the student store. Although Seungmin had just come from there on a snack run, Seungmin turned back around and approached the upperclassman. “Hey, dude, what’s up?”

 

“Dude?” Minho repeated, making a face. “I think I’ve just decided right this second that I would like it better if you called me ‘honey’ at this stage in our marriage.”

 

“No,” Seungmin said curtly.

 

MInho made an even more exaggerated face. “If I were you, I’d call me honey. I’d _love_ to call me honey. I’ll call you honey whenever you want.”

 

“Never, please.”

 

“Alright, honey.”

 

Seungmin glanced around. He even looked inside the student store.

 

“It’s just me today,” Minho said. “I mean, Changbin’s here but he’s not _here_.” He waved a hand to his left, as if indicating the place where Changbin should be standing. “Can you believe it, honey? He sent me all the way down here by my lonesome to get him some milk.”

 

“What did you want?”

 

“What did you want, _honey_ ,” corrected Minho with a smile.

 

“No.”

 

Minho clutched his chest like he’d been hurt. “I’m wounded.” He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. “I thought we were in this in sickness and in health, till death do us part, so help us?”

 

“I never accepted your marriage proposal.”

 

“Is it because I can’t afford a ring?”

 

“Not quite.”

 

“Why?”

 

“No particular reason,” Seungmin said.

 

A brand new spark lit up Minho’s eyes. “If I ask you again, will you say yes?”

 

“No thanks.”

 

“No thanks, _honey_ ,” Minho attempted.

 

“Get Mina to call you honey.”

 

“You know,” Minho wagged a finger in the air, “that’s not a bad-- Wait! Don’t leave yet!” He grabbed hold of Seungmin’s arm to stop him from walking away. “Are you going to hang out with us after school today? We’re going to the amusement park.” Seungmin almost said ‘no’ but Minho didn’t give him a chance. He said, “It’s a goodbye thing for Felix.”

 

“Oh.” The syllable left Seungmin’s mouth barely above a whisper.

 

“Speaking of which, Changbin and I came up with a plan. We’re going to try to get Felix married so that he won’t have to leave.”

 

“I don’t think that’ll work.”

 

“Sure it will!” Minho reassured him, giving his arm a shake. “If Felix is married with a family to take care of, his dad can’t drag him across the Pacific Ocean. It’s a bulletproof plan!”

 

“I think it’s riddled with quite a few bullets, myself,” said Seungmin. “Like the fact that Felix can’t legally get married at his age. At least not without his dad agreeing.”

 

Minho gasped. “Wow, really?” He snapped his fingers and stomped his foot as if he was genuinely upset that such a shallow, poorly thought out plan had fallen through. “Regardless,” he said, letting go of Seungmin’s arm, “we’re still going to the amusement park today. Right after school. Meet us by the gate. Felix will be super happy you’re going.”

 

Seungmin felt like a flock of doves had just taken flight in his chest. He felt impossibly light and fluttery and weak. Like he could fly. Like he was invincible. Felix would be super happy. Why did such plain words have this powerful effect on him? It was like he’d taken a sip of a mana potion and was feeling his spirit get recharged.

 

“See you later, honey,” Minho trilled. He even went so far as to blow a kiss. “Wait, hold on. I want to call you darling instead.” He rushed down the hall to class.

 

Seungmin looked at the boy’s empty hands as he darted away. “Did you even buy Changbin the milk?” He yelled at the upperclassman.

 

“DAMMIT!” Minho cussed and then whirled around to rush into the student store, nearly knocking someone over in his haste. “Thanks, darling.”

 

An involuntarily laugh left Seungmin’s mouth at the older boy’s antics. Now that he better understood how the boy functioned, he was able to find joy in such mannerisms. No wonder the other surfers didn’t so much as bat an eyelash whenever Minho cranked things up to an eleven. It was just how he was. All of the time. It was what you had to get used to when you hung out with him. Seungmin shook his head in disbelief and made his own way back to class. Even though the amusement park was relatively close by with surprisingly cheap tickets, Seungmin rarely went. He preferred the stillness and contemplation that came with sitting on the beach to the constant movement of the amusement park. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he’d been in the place since Dad last took them. How long ago was that? Shit. That was… Damn. Seungmin almost couldn’t keep track of the years now. Ever since the messy divorce, the years kind of blurred together into Before and After. Seungmin counted up the years. Six? But that didn’t matter. That was all in the past. He would be going to the park to make brand new memories. He shouldn’t even have to think about Dad.

 

By then, Seungmin had reached his class with just over a minute to spare before the bell rang. He sank down into his chair with a groan and then opened the bag of onion rings he’d gotten at the store. “Is he still not here?” Seungmin asked.

 

Jisung turned around in his seat. “I don’t think he’s going to show up today. Gimme!” He snatched the onion ring Seungmin had just been about to raise to his mouth.

 

Seungmin sighed but not because of the snack theft.

 

“I think you scared him away,” said Jisung, munching noisily on the onion ring. He grabbed another out of the bag. “Wow.” Munch munch munch. “The one person on campus who can scare Hwang Hyunjin is my best friend. Who would’ve thought?”

 

“Shhh,” Seungmin hissed. “There’s no way I scared him.”

 

“Of course you did. I’m just glad you’re on my side. I have nothing to worry about now.”

 

“Please.”

 

“Look, after what you did last night, anyone would run.”

 

“And what exactly did I do?”

 

“You made out with him so now Frankenstein’s monster has discovered he has a beating heart.”

 

“Hey now.” Seungmin pointed at his friend. “Call him anything but that.”

 

“Your boyfriend, then,” Jisung stated.

 

“Okay. Anything but _that_.”

 

Jisung narrowed his eyes. “I thought you weren’t even into him. Why did you kiss him?”

 

 _Because I wanted to piss off my brother_ , he thought. _Because he told me I couldn’t do something so I wanted to go against him. I wanted to spite him._ Seungmin said, “I wanted to.”

 

Jisung stole another onion ring. “So you _do_ want to be serious with him.” He stated it as fact. It hadn’t been a question.

 

Seungmin glanced past Jisung towards the front of the classroom, where Felix was going over last night’s homework with two of the other smart students in their class. He kept his voice low. “Does one kiss make us serious?” He hoped not.

 

“I guess you’ll have to ask him yourself.”

 

Seungmin didn’t know what he wanted. Or rather, he knew enough about what he wanted and who he wanted that he knew what he’d done last night on the porch had been wrong of him. He felt bad enough about the kiss that he was going to apologize the next time he saw Hyunjin. “Good thing he’s not here, then,” Seungmin mumbled just as the bell for class rang.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

The heat wave definitely wasn’t dissipating anytime soon. The Wednesday afternoon was miserably hot, even with the breeze, and Seungmin waddled down the school’s front stairs carrying a cold bottle of water just to be on the safe side. If May was this hot already, he was truly terrified of what the actual months of summer would bring. Time to spend every single day at the beach neck deep in the water.

 

School had just let out so the area in front of the school was noisy and crowded. A group of boys had started an impromptu volleyball match on the grass beneath the olive tree while a gaggle of their fangirls watched from the shade.

 

Seungmin spotted Changbin first. That was to be expected. What he wasn’t ready for was to see Dahyun leaning against the brick wall next to him.

 

“Oyyy,” Changbin called out, waving.

 

Seungmin returned the wave and crossed the courtyard in their direction. “You cut your hair,” he noticed.

 

“Just a little,” Changbin said with a proud grin, running a hand through his slightly shorter and more even hairstyle, his fringe completely gone.

 

“It’s a little bit bowl cut-y,” Seungmin remarked.

 

Changbin’s grin melted. “Hey!”

 

Dahyun snorted back a laugh.

 

Seungmin turned his attention to Dahyun. His voice straining, he asked, “You’re coming with us?”

 

“Felix wanted me to come. Besides, I like hanging out with you guys. Especially when I’ve taken my anti-stupidity pills. That shit’s contagious.”

 

“Hey!” Changbin whined again.

 

“So that must mean--” Seungmin started.

 

A voice from behind him shouted, “Darling, hello!”

 

Seungmin turned around to see Minho approaching them. At his side was Mina, who had tied up her long hair in an intricate side braid. “Greetings,” she called out to them.

 

The surprise company had seemed like a negative at first, more people meant less intimacy, but now that he thought about it, this might actually work out in his favor. Large groups naturally tended to pair off, forming smaller clusters like protons. If Dahyun and Changbin were a pair and Mina and Minho were a pair, that meant he and Felix would have to pair up. It was inevitable! And since they were going to the fair, that meant it would be easy to fall into couple-like behaviors such as trying to win prizes for each other during games or holding hands on scary rides or sharing large portions of food. Yes! Seungmin found himself smiling. This was great! If Felix would be moving away, that meant there would be nothing to lose! Seungmin could finally grow some fucking balls and show some courage. If his heart got broken or his pride got shattered, it wouldn’t matter because Felix would leave and everything would be okay.

 

Right?

 

He hoped.

 

“Where’s Felix,” Changbin complained, glancing at his watch.

 

Dahyun had retrieved a battery-powered fan from her purse and was holding it up in front of her face to stay cool. “He better hurry his ass up. Standing around waiting is no fun in this heat.”

 

“He said he was on his way,” said Minho. He glanced behind him. “He must have gotten held up.”

 

Seungmin’s heart was beating quickly. He watched the school’s front doors like an expectant groom watching the chapel doors for the bride’s entrance. Today was going to be the day he changed everything. Today was going to be the day he acted on his feelings. He didn’t want any regrets over the course of the summer. The last thing he wanted to do was spend the whole vacation worrying about what could have been. What _should_ have been. Every time the school doors opened, he stood up a little straighter only to slump his shoulders and sigh whenever it was someone other than Felix.

 

In other words, he was doing a lot of sighing.

 

Changbin had his phone held up to his ear. “He says he’s on the way,” he announced, disconnecting the call.

 

“Finally,” Dahyun moaned. “It’s been nearly twenty minutes. I’m sweaty and starving and ready for a rollercoaster.”

 

“I am hungry, too,” Mina agreed. “I want--” She paused as she thought of the word, “--funnel cake!”

 

“There!” Minho pointed.

 

The whole group looked up towards the front doors.

 

Sure enough, Felix was on his way down the stairs. He was already smiling, already laughing. Oh, he was _gorgeous_.

 

“Oyyy,” Minho called out.

 

A moment later, Felix threw his head back and returned the cry like a wolf returning a howl and then cut towards them across the courtyard.

 

That’s when Seungmin saw it.

 

“Shit,” the word had left his mouth with quite some volume but he ignored the curious stares aimed in his direction.

 

This wasn’t right.

 

No.

 

No no no no no. Fuck. “Are you serious?” Seungmin growled out, folding his arms across his chest. Now the whole day was ruined.

 

Walking next to Felix, smiling like he belonged here, smiling like he’d _been invited_ , was Jeongin.


	16. In Which Cupid Can't Aim For Shit

“Need you for the old me,

Need you for my sanity,

Need you to remind me where I come from.

Can you remind me of my gravity?

Ground me when I’m tumblin’, spiralin’, plummetin’ down to Earth?

You keep me down to Earth.”

 

Garden (Say It Like That) by SZA

 

“Hello, hello, hello,” Jeongin chanted brightly. He did a little parade wave as if this were his grand entrance.

 

Welp. This was officially hell. Seungmin didn’t even have to dream it up. Although if he did dream it up, he would be some super cool magical knight and Jeongin would be some super evil dread lord in desperate need of slaying. “It’s you,” Seungmin said through clenched teeth.

 

“It’s me,” Jeongin said with a staggering level of confidence. He slung an arm over Felix’s shoulder for good measure. What a leech!

 

Felix laughed good-naturedly. Seungmin gasped in horror.

 

“Finally, we can get going,” Dahyun groaned. “We’ve been waiting forever! I’ve grown a gray hair.” She pushed herself off of the brick wall and made a beeline for the school gate. After taking a few steps, she looked over her shoulder and, realizing no one was following her, swore and said, “Hello? Can we go?”

 

“Coming!” Changbin shuffled after her excitedly like a puppy. He was totally whipped.

 

Mina followed them soon after.

 

Seungmin didn’t want to snap like this in front of Felix, but his temper got the best of him. “Why are you here, Jeongin?” _Why are you fucking everything up?_

 

Before Jeongin could say something snarky--because based on his expression, that was exactly what he was about to do--Felix spoke up first. “We ran into each other,” the redhead said calmly. “And after talking for a bit, I thought I should invite him.”

 

“But why? _We’re_ your friends, aren’t we?” Seungmin waved a hand in the direction the others had just left in.

 

“Jeongin’s my friend, too,” Felix said dismissively. “It would be rude of me not to bring him along.  We did spend quite a bit of time together when I first moved here. Golf classes and all.” He sounded so casual and uncaring. Did he not realize that he had a dastardly little bastard hanging off of him? An actual devil on his shoulder? How could he not _see_?

 

“It’s not like I’m asking you to pay my way or anything,” said Jeongin. “I can flippin’ pay for myself.”

 

“But…” Seungmin pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt not to outright _scream_. “But--”

 

Minho wrapped an arm around Seungmin’s neck. Honestly, Seungmin had forgotten he was still standing with them and nearly startled at the contact. Minho said, “Is everything okay with you two?” He had presented a valid question. Seungmin attempted to pull away but Minho tightened his arm around Seungmin’s neck so that he couldn’t escape. “There’s not going to be a problem today, is there?”

 

“No,” Seungmin and Jeongin said simultaneously. Both of them were lying through their teeth. Both of them were forcing smiles and staring at each other like wolves waiting to pounce. The moment one of them exposed a weakness, the other would lethally strike. The suffocating tension practically sizzled in the muggy air--

 

\--until it was shattered by Dahyun coming back around the corner of the wall. “COME ON!” she shrieked. “I’ve been looking forward to this trip all day. I even napped in class so I’d be _ready_. Stop holding us up!”

 

“We’ll be right there,” Minho shouted in her direction and then, to the boys, he sang out, “Come on, _vamanos_. Everybody let’s go.” He tugged Seungmin towards the school gate. “We can get to the bottom of this on the way.”

 

“There’s nothing to get to the bottom of,” Seungmin replied. “There’s no problem.” Except there was a problem. He was about to lose his crush to a goddamn gremlin!

 

“So there _is_ a problem?”

 

“There’s not.”

 

Minho saw through the lie. “Stop trying to be brave, darling. I know something’s bothering you. You’re letting your pretty face get all scrunched up with anger.”

 

Seungmin glanced over his shoulder to see Felix and Jeongin taking their sweet time catching up. Jeongin said something that got Felix laughing and although his smile could light up the earth better than the sun could, Seungmin felt a chill knowing Jeongin was the source of that joy.

 

Out on the sidewalk, Mina, Dahyun and Changbin were waiting for them. One more impatient than the other two. When Dahyun saw that the boys were finally _getting a move on_ , she spun around and led the way towards downtown. Mina, probably oblivious to the murderous aura in the air, followed after her best friend with a smile on her face. Changbin took one look at Minho’s arm draped around Seungmin’s shoulder and gave Seungmin a ridiculously obnoxious--and not to mention obvious--wink and a pair of finger guns. Minho, clearly not knowing the meaning behind the gestures, gave Changbin a wink and finger gun back.

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes. It wasn’t Minho he liked, dammit!

 

“Back to you and Jeongin,” Minho said into Seungmin’s ear. “I know something’s up. Every muscle in your body is tense.”

 

Seungmin attempted to pull away but Minho was deceptively strong. He kept Seungmin pinned to his side.

 

Minho asked, “Did he spoil a really good TV show for you? Tell you the twist ending to a movie? Ooh, I’d be pissed, too.”

 

“It’s not so simple,” Seungmin answered. “But he _does_ spoil things. Everything, really, but definitely plans. Mainly plans.”

 

“What kind of plans? Were you going on a trip?”

 

“Let’s just say that he’s purposely keeping me away from my goals.”

 

As if on cue, Felix laughed at something Jeongin had said.

 

This wasn’t going the way he’d daydreamed about. Everything was going to hell instead. It had only been four or five minutes yet Jeongin was the one talking and laughing with Felix. Not him. Seungmin grit his teeth. It always felt like he was one step behind!

 

Felix sped up until he and Jeongin had caught up with Seungmin and Minho. “I’ve been meaning to ask…” He trailed off. After a second, he started again, “I was wondering if something happened between you two.”

 

Minho cooed and nuzzled his forehead against Seungmin’s temple. His hair smelled like cocoa. He said, “Seungmin and I have reached a new level of intimacy in our marriage.” He spread his fingers out across Seungmin’s tummy. “Baby number eleven is on the way.”

 

Seungmin swatted his hand away.

 

Felix didn’t bat an eyelash. “Between Seungmin and Jeongin, I mean. It’s not just my imagination, right?” He turned to look at Jeongin for a second before turning back to look at Seungmin. His face was hardened with anxiety. “Do you two not get along?”

 

Seungmin glared over at Jeongin. Because Felix couldn’t see him, Jeongin grinned from ear to ear, showing off the multi-colored bands on his braces. Ooh! Just _looking at him_ pissed Seungmin off. “No. There’s no problem.”

 

“You sure?” Felix demanded in a stiffer than usual voice.

 

“I’m sure. We’re more competitors than anything.”

 

“Exactly,” Jeongin agreed. He gave Felix’s shoulder a shake as if to remind Seungmin that they were still in physical contact with each other. “We’re rivals.”

 

“In what?” Minho asked seriously. “It can’t be sports. Neither of you play anything.”

 

Felix piped up, “Grades? No, wait. Jeongin’s a first year.”

 

“And Seungmin can’t compete with _anyone_ academically. Not even first years.” The words were so snarky that Seungmin had to look around to make sure Jisung hadn’t slipped up behind them and joined the conversation. He hadn’t. Jeongin snickered. No. Really. How was something so twig-like and tiny so evil?

 

“Okay, if not grades, then… looks?” Minho asked. It only took him a second to think about it. “There’s no competition there, either. Sorry, Jeongin.”

 

Seungmin snorted back a laugh.

 

Jeongin’s shit-eating grin faded. Served him right. “Hey.”

 

“Maybe puberty will be nice to you,” said Seungmin. “Maybe it will be cruel. Hopefully cruel.”

 

Minho laughed. “If it’s not something school-related then what are you two competing in?”

 

Felix tilted his head to the side in thought. His beauty was almost painful to look at. He stared up at the sky contemplating for a moment and then an idea came to him. “Do you guys compete against each other in a game? Is that what it is?” The fact that he was so spot-on was uncanny.

 

Minho jumped up and down, shaking Seungmin something fierce. “Oh! Do you play Overwatch, too? What’s your rank? Can you guys carry me out of silver? I’ve been stuck in elo hell all season.”

 

“We _are_ rivals in a game,” said Jeongin, “just not that one.”

 

The love game. The love _war_. “I bet you don’t even know what Overwatch is,” Seungmin huffed.

 

“Do I flippin’ need to?” Jeongin met Seungmin’s eyes, let a crafty little grin tug at the corner of his lips and then pulled Felix even closer to him as they walked.

 

Seungmin gasped in shock. What a villain! In a way, Seungmin needed to jot down notes so that he could be equally despicable.

 

Felix laughed and then swung his own arm up and over Jeongin’s shoulders.

 

What? No! That was even worse. Seungmin’s jaw dropped. Jeongin let out a wicked cackle.

 

Oblivious as always, Felix said, “Well, if you two are just competitive rivals in a game, then I was worrying for no reason. Sorry for getting so confrontational.” It was no longer uncanny. It was ironic. _He_ was the reason they were fighting. He was the prize to be won at the end of their little game. “I just don’t want anything to ruin this afternoon, you guys. It’s… It’s my way of saying goodbye.”

 

“I understand,” said Minho. “This must mean a lot to you.”

 

The pain of separation hit Seungmin all over again. This was real. This was actually happening. Felix was leaving and that fact destroyed him. What would he do after Felix was gone? Of course he had other crushes in the past but... this one… He’d never felt anything like this before. Felix was always the last thing he thought of before bed at night. The first thing he thought of when he woke up in the mornings. Would he ever like anyone else as much as he liked Felix? Was there anyone else at school worth liking so much? Someone who was so smart and so athletic and so kind and so popular and so perfect and so chill and so precious and so cute and so talented? Did anyone else like that exist? Seungmin had watched Felix from afar, a secret admirer all of this time, this whole entire school year, yet when he finally showed a little courage and just _talked to him_ … “I don’t want you to go,” Seungmin said.

 

“None of us do,” Minho added.

 

“I still don’t know when I’m leaving but I’ve already started to pack just in case.” Sadness crept into Felix’s tone. “I know this is super important to my dad, but… I wish I could at least graduate first. When I leave, it’ll be like starting high school all over again.”

 

Being brave, Seungmin reached up and put his hand on top of Felix’s head. His fingers explored the boy’s curly, glossy hair. “It’ll be okay,” Seungmin attempted. “We’ll all stay in touch, right?”

 

Jeongin sneezed. Or pretended to. His jerky movement made Felix stagger sideways, pulling him away from Seungmin’s hand and out of reach.

 

Goddammit.

 

This was madness! It was Seungmin’s last chance but he was being barred from his dream even now. He hated that he was walking next to Felix but not _next to him_ . With him but not _with him_. Why was Jeongin always in the way? Seungmin needed a plan. He was running out of opportunities here. He could feel the minutes getting away from him, lost forever in the non-stop flow of time and change. If he kept waiting like this, he would never get what he wanted. There would be nothing left to want! Seungmin needed to do something underhanded. Something dirty. Something Jeongin wouldn’t see coming. Something that couldn’t be countered!

 

“Can you guys walk any slower?” Dahyun yelled at them. She was standing at the corner of the block, tapping her foot. “Come on. We could have been there by now if you all weren’t walking so fucking slow. It’s literally right down the road! A straight shot. There’s no way you can get lost.” She stomped forward in their direction. “Do we need to walk single file like this is elementary school? Sing a march like we’re in the army? COME ON!” She grabbed Minho by the arm and forcefully separated him from Seungmin.

 

Minho let himself be dragged away but he dramatically stumbled and reached in Seungmin’s direction like they wouldn’t see each other again. At the top of his lungs, he screamed, “Darling!”

 

Seungmin reached out for him, too. He shouted back, “Zero Two!” He couldn’t help himself.

 

“DARLING!” Minho called back, immediately getting the reference.

 

“ZERO TWO!” Seungmin lunged forward, barely missing Minho’s outstretched hand with his own.

 

“Stop being nerds,” Dahyun hollered at them. She pushed Minho across the street in front of her, smacking him on the ass like she was urging on a horse.

 

“Yes, Dahyun,” Minho called out with a perverse moan. “Keep treating me like this. I’m just the dirt on the bottom of your shoe.”

 

“Ugh. Gross.” Dahyun shoved him away but at least she was laughing now, her sour mood gone for the moment.

 

Seungmin, Felix and Jeongin hurried across the street after them. If they turned left here, they’d be on the road that led north and towards the drawbridge. Instead, they all kept straight, heading east and closer to the coast. Up ahead on the left was Seungmin’s favorite sushi restaurant and off in the distance were the silhouettes of the amusement park rides: the drop tower, the loop of the roller coaster, the Ferris wheel. If he ignored the noise of traffic on the road next to him, he could hear the carnival music from here. Mina and Changbin were so far ahead that they were but specks a block or so up. Even now, Dahyun’s fast pace was dragging Minho farther and farther away. Seungmin battled with himself. He didn’t want to hear Jeongin and Felix happily and effortlessly chatting away behind him, so did he speed up and leave them alone? Or was that dangerous? Did he need to stay behind and keep his rival from making a daring and game-changing move? Maybe he should find a way to squeeze in between them? Seungmin glanced over his shoulder at them. Just when he’d come up with a ‘pretend to trip and fall and then headbutt Jeongin into next week’ plan, Felix looked right up at him.

 

“Hey, Seungmin. Can I ask you something?” They all stopped walking.

 

The eye contact made Seungmin’s heart speed up. Just that tiny little smile aimed in his direction was enough to send all of Seungmin’s good sense hurtling into the stratosphere. He gulped and, for several seconds, could not speak. It took him a while to find his voice. “Of course.”

 

Felix pried himself loose from Jeongin’s arm. “Can you give us a second, man? It’s kinda personal.”

 

Jeongin’s eyes went wide. “Huh?” He looked at Seungmin and then at Felix.

 

Seungmin gave him his best snarl. Too bad he didn’t see.

 

Felix just smiled and said, “Just for a minute.”

 

“Okay. Sure.” Jeongin surrendered. Reluctantly, he walked ahead of Felix. He attempted to shoulder check Seungmin on his way but the taller boy sidestepped the attack. He saw that one coming ages ago.

 

Felix waited until Jeongin was out of earshot before he started walking again.

 

Seungmin fell into step next to him. He asked, “What’s up? Everything alright?”

 

“Mmhmm. I was wondering if you did your History homework?”

 

“I… didn’t,” Seungmin admitted.

 

“Oh,” Felix exhaled.

 

They walked in a strange kind of silence for the rest of the block and then waited at the corner for the light to change. That couldn’t have been what Felix wanted to talk to him about. Seungmin waited until they were walking again to speak up. “You’re not concerned about your schoolwork. There’s something else on your mind.”

 

Felix didn’t seem at all surprised. “You got me there.”

 

“Well, what is it?” Seungmin glanced over at him. Felix was twisting his hands together anxiously. “What’s the issue?”

 

It was clear that Felix was having an internal debate about whether to approach the topic or not. It must have been about something serious if he was hesitating like this over it.

 

“If it’s crazy, you don’t have to tell me.”

 

“I want to.”

 

They were running out of sidewalk. In another block, they’d be at the amusement park where their friends were waiting. This might be their only time alone to chat.

 

After taking another long moment to compose himself, Felix finally said, “I’ve been meaning to apologize about what happened last week.”

 

Last week? That could have been anything. “Why do you owe me an apology?”

 

“I made things difficult for you.”

 

“Huh? When?”

 

“Back when you told me that you liked me.”

 

“Oh.” Shit. Seungmin swallowed hard. Now he wished that they weren’t having this talk. For the first time ever in his life, he wished he wasn’t talking to Felix. “I’m not making you feel weird by hanging around you, am I?”

 

“No. It’s not that.” Felix said quickly. “I feel bad for making such a commotion in front of all of those people. Word spreads around school fast, you know, and I’ve been hearing people talk about you. They call you a loser. And harsher things.”

 

“I’m used to it.”

 

Felix dropped his hands to his sides, fists clenched. “That’s not the point. I don’t care if you’re used to it. That’s a horrible thing to get used to. I don’t like hearing people talk about my friends like that and it’s kind of my fault that they do. I mean, you prepared all of that for me and I kind of shit all over it in front of everyone. It was kind of a bitch move.”

 

Seungmin raised a hand to his hair. By accident, their hands brushed. An electric tingle shot up Seungmin’s arm but the usual excitement he got from the contact seemed to dull under the weight of their conversation. “It’s not your fault,” he said. “You can say no if you want. You’re allowed. If you don’t like me, then you don’t like me.” It hurt to say out loud but it needed to be said.

 

Felix looked up at him. His eyes were wide and surprised and maybe a little sad. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then clamped it right back shut. Opened it again. Shut it. He faced forward and kept his eyes on the sidewalk in front of them. Clearly, the topic was difficult for both of them to sort out. “I just wanted to apologize for all of that before too much time passed, you know?”

 

“You wanted to say it while you still could,” Seungmin translated.

 

Felix let out a quiet sigh. “Yeah. Exactly. I wanted to say it before I was an ocean away and couldn’t tell you to your face.” He looked up and met Seungmin’s eyes again. “I didn’t want to leave you wondering about it after I’m gone. I didn’t want you thinking I’m a bad person. That I made that choice because I wanted to embarrass you.”

 

“Well, I know now.” Seungmin supposed it was a type of closure. “I won’t have to wonder.” Seungmin was weary of this discussion. He felt cold on the inside. To him, it seemed like Felix was making it doubly clear that nothing was ever going to happen between them. He was going to go away and that would be it and they wouldn’t actually keep in touch because who actually ever did? And maybe they’d remember each other but maybe they’d forget each other or, the most likely scenario, Felix would forget him but Seungmin would always remember him. Always. Always. Seungmin started to walk faster to put some distance between them. He didn’t get too far before Felix tugged on the sleeve of his uniform shirt to slow him down.

 

“Wait. That’s not all I wanted to say,” Felix spoke up. He cleared his throat. “I should have waited until we weren’t surrounded by people to give you an answer. That shouldn’t have been a show for everyone to see.”

 

Seungmin hated this. The one time he’d gotten Felix to himself all day and they were talking about how it would have been more polite to be rejected in private! “Would being alone have changed anything? If we weren’t in front of all of those people, would your answer have been different?” He’d said it louder and angrier than he’d intended. “Sorry,” he said in a much quieter voice. “I’m a little stressed.”

 

“You can be mad at me if you want,” Felix said. “I’m the one who did all of that and then acted like nothing happened afterward.”

 

“So what are you trying to say?”

 

The question made Felix pause. He let go of Seungmin’s sleeve, his mouth half-open with a sentence that he couldn’t get past his tongue. “I don’t know,” he said eventually.

 

They came to a stop outside of the amusement park entrance. It was the middle of the afternoon on a weekday. There was hardly a line at the gate. Their friends were probably somewhere inside already.

 

“I don’t know how to talk about this stuff, man,” Felix admitted. “I never thought about it until my dad said we’re leaving.”

 

So he was only apologizing for it because he was leaving? Would he not have said anything about this if he were staying? Would it have always hung between them then?

 

“I don’t want to lose you,” said Felix so very very quietly. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you mad at me.”

 

Seungmin tried his very best to relax. “It’s not you I’m mad at.” It’s your dad. It’s Jeongin. It’s the world. “I shouldn’t have yelled at Jeongin, either.” Even if the fucker deserved it.

 

Felix smiled. “See? This is why I wanted to talk. Don’t you feel better?”

 

No. “Yes… I get it,” said Seungmin. “I accept your apology and I’m sorry for putting you in that situation to begin with. You were under a lot of pressure. I kind of came at you out of nowhere. Everyone was watching. Plus, all of those hearts…” Fuck. Talk about bad timing. If he had known Jeongin’s shitty arts and crafts project would have come tumbling out of Felix’s locker and brought so much attention to the two of them in the hall back then, he never would have confessed at that moment. Maybe he shouldn’t have confessed at all. “Actually, about those hearts, I actually didn’t--”

 

“I shouldn’t have turned you down.” Felix said. Before the words had even completely registered in Seungmin’s mind, Felix took off running, vanishing through the entrance archway of the amusement park.

 

“Huh?” The syllable fell out of Seungmin’s mouth about five seconds too late. Felix was long gone. Seungmin felt like his brain had filled with static. He couldn’t have heard right. No, he had to have been dreaming. He’d been thinking too hard, gotten a little tipsy on his imagination and had only heard what he’d wanted to. That made much more sense. Felix probably said something that sounded really similar, like, ‘Our friends are probably waiting for us.’ Those sentences didn’t sound anything alike even if you screwed up the pronunciation but, for example’s sake, that had to have been what Felix had truly said, because… “What!?” Seungmin slowly walked towards the entrance of the amusement park. He hadn’t even gotten inside but he already felt like he’d ridden a roller coaster one too many times. His legs felt shaky, his heart was pounding, his head was a mess. In a daze, he paid for an admission ticket, let the attendant slip a bracelet over his wrist and wandered across the park’s main plaza. He had clearly heard Felix wrong. _I shouldn’t have turned you down._ Or maybe the boy hadn’t said anything at all and Seungmin had imagined the words. He had only heard what he’d dreamed of hearing. Maybe, and this was also a possibility, he’d just temporarily forgotten what a lot of words meant which would explain why he was so terribly confused. _I shouldn’t have turned you down._ What the fuck did that mean?

 

Did Felix just--

 

“Finally!” Dahyun wailed. She grabbed Seungmin by his tie to keep him from walking past her in his stupor. “We thought you’d gotten sliced and diced by a murder clown. We’ve been waiting on you for hours!” It had been minutes.

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin said, snapping out of it. He let her pull him towards one of the picnic tables in front of a food stand before she let him go.

 

He glanced around. His friends seemed happy and smiling, talking among themselves at the table. Even Felix was grinning and listening intently to one of Minho’s ridiculous stories. The world was spinning normally. _Yes_ , Seungmin confirmed, _nothing out of the ordinary happened._ He’d merely imagined it all .

 

Phew. Alright. Back to our regularly scheduled programming. Nothing to see here, folks.

 

“We should take many photograph,” suggested Mina. “For… thoughts? Memory? Yes. For memory.”

 

“That’s a great idea,” said Minho with a mouth full of corn dog. “Don’t they say that pictures speak a thousand words?”

 

“I’m gonna tear up,” mumbled Dahyun. She pressed a hand to her cheek.

 

“Really? Don’t cry.” Changbin pressed close to her. Like a knight in shining armor, he had a napkin in her hands before she could even sniffle.

 

“Let’s not make this sad,” said Seungmin. “Today should be happy.”

 

“Fuck yeah,” Minho assented.

 

This lightened the mood. The others shook off their nerves and laughed a bit.

 

Felix pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Should we take a few group pics then? I’ll send you guys a few.”

 

They all wedged in shoulder to shoulder, pressing their faces close so that Felix could raise his phone up and snap a few pics. Seungmin tried to squeeze close to Felix, but after being unintentionally bopped in the nose by the back of Changbin’s head and then intentionally swatted away by Jeongin’s hand, Seungmin gave up and stayed between Minho and Dahyun. They took several pics, some goofy and then some serious.

 

After a few snapshots, it was Dahyun who figured they had taken plenty. “What should we go on first? I need something fast to get my blood pumping.”

 

“How about the drop tower?” Jeongin suggested.

 

“Really? You’re not a total scaredy-cat?” Seungmin had to ask. He had half-expected Jeongin to suggest one of the kiddy rides.

 

Jeongin frowned at him. “No. It’s my favorite.”

 

“I am afraid of very high up,” Mina enunciated.

 

Surprisingly, it was Changbin who rushed to her side and put a chivalrous hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay with ring toss? We can go do that.” But perhaps he was just scared, too.

 

Mina nodded and let out a grateful sigh.

 

“Drop tower for me,” Dahyun exclaimed, clapping her hands. She stood up and wiped dirt off of the back of her skirt. “Who’s with me?”

 

“Me!” Jeongin voted, even though it was his idea.

 

“I’d like to keep my feet on the ground today. Thanks,” Minho mumbled.

 

“We’ll go do ring toss,” Changbin said, guiding Mina away. “We’ll win all of the prizes.”

 

“Yes. Every animal plush! Every cute!” Mina said excitedly and then followed Changbin towards the games.

 

“What about you two?” Dahyun pointed a finger at Felix and then at Seungmin.

 

Seungmin realized that this was his chance! Now was the time to pull Felix away so that they could go somewhere the others wouldn’t be. They could be alone! They could talk. And he could ask if he fucking heard correctly back on the sidewalk. Was it too hot for a ride on the Ferris wheel? “Felix--”

 

“Come on!” Jeongin grabbed Felix first. “Do the drop tower with us. Come on! Please?” It took him all of two seconds to start hauling Felix away.

 

Seungmin blinked. Shit. For real? Was this going to happen every time? He started to dash forward in an attempt to pry Jeongin’s greedy claws off of Felix’s arm when Minho stepped directly in front of him as if to block his path. Too close. Seungmin stepped back hurriedly. “What are you doing?”

 

Minho said, “I need to ask you something.”

 

Seungmin sighed. There was no time for this. He peeped over Minho’s shoulder and watched hopelessly and helplessly as Dahyun, Felix and Jeongin walked away. Minho tilted his head so that his face was right back in the taller boy’s field of view. Seungmin startled from their sudden proximity. “What do you need to ask?”

 

Casually, Minho leaned up against the picnic table. “So Changbin told me that you’re madly in love with me. Is that true?”

 

Seungmin clamped a hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t laugh right in Minho’s face.

 

The boy mistook the gesture for bashfulness. Minho nodded, “I knew it was true. I could tell by the way you’ve been looking at me lately. Eyes full of lust.”

 

Seungmin turned away. He couldn’t even look at the dude without laughing. He squeaked out, “You’re joking, right?”

 

“I know you want my body,” Minho continued. He ran a hand through his hair like a model in a shampoo commercial. “My charm is irresistible. I get it. Everyone falls for me eventually. It’s so hard living like this with everyone lusting after you. Why was I born so handsome?”

 

“Sounds like an absolutely dreadful life,” Seungmin said sarcastically. Slowly, he turned back towards Minho, his hand still clamped over his mouth. He was straining so hard trying not to laugh that tears were springing to his eyes.

 

Minho didn’t catch on to the fact that he was being made fun of. “Oh, it’s such a painful life,” he agonized. “I can’t be nice to anyone without them falling in love with me. I just flash them one of these,” he smiled, “and they fall over themselves trying to get me.”

 

From between his fingers, Seungmin asked, “Are you on drugs?”

 

Minho waved a dismissive hand. “If I could turn off these good looks, I would, darling. It’ll save me so much trouble and protect so many lives.”

 

Seungmin lowered his hand from his face now that his laughter had dissipated. “But you’re the one who gets fake married to everyone.”

 

“If everyone’s married to me, then no one is _not_ married to me.”

 

“You lost me. What?”

 

Minho loosened his tie and stared off into the distance like he was posing for a photo shoot. He blinked slowly, as if purposefully trying to show off his long eyelashes. “No one has to fight over me if my heart belongs to everyone. Everyone who likes me can have a piece of me if I marry them.”

 

“But I don’t like you,” Seungmin deadpanned.

 

This made Minho widen his eyes in surprise. After a second, he reeled his expression back in. “Denial is a common reaction, darling.” He gave Seungmin a pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay. Just accept your feelings. I know you love me but it’ll never work out. My good looks… they are too powerful. I don’t want to subject you to a life of fighting other people off of me. I’m doomed to walk this road alone.”

 

“Are you being serious?” Seungmin swatted Minho’s hand off of his shoulder.

 

“Extremely.”

 

Seungmin narrowed his eyes. It was difficult to tell if Minho was being dramatic or actually being real for once. There was a hardness to the set of his jaw that seemed to be caused by genuine stress but then again Minho took playing around seriously. He took dropping to one knee in a hallway full of people seriously. “If you walk such a lonely road, what about Mina?”

 

“She’s an exception,” said Minho. “She got into my heart somehow.” He placed a hand over his chest. “She’s the one girl who looks at me and doesn’t immediately succumb to my handsomeness.” He looked up at Seungmin. “If she weren’t here, though, I would give you a chance.”

 

“I don’t like you,” Seungmin said again. “Changbin is daft. You’re not the one I like. He’s got the wrong idea.”

 

“Wait, you _don’t_ like me?” Minho asked, sounding genuinely hurt. “I’m not the one you like?”

 

Seungmin propped his hands up on his hips. “Hell no. Why would I?”

 

Minho’s expression changed rapidly. His mouth flew open in pure shock. “That can’t be. You _must_ like me. Everyone likes me.”

 

“I don’t. Not at all.”

 

“Really?” Minho stepped close. Too close. His face contorted with desperation. “I’ve done everything right, though. I’ve lured you in and trapped you. How have you not fallen for me?”

 

“By… liking someone else?”

 

Minho gasped so hard he nearly coughed. “Am I not good enough for you?” He grabbed the front of Seungmin’s uniform shirt and shook him. “What kind of guy do you like, then? I can be whatever you want, darling. I’ll change!”

 

Alright, so he _was_ just playing around. That was a bit of a relief. Seungmin grabbed Minho’s hands and pulled them off of his shirt. “You don’t need to do any of that.”

 

“But if you don’t like me, what has all of this been for? I’ve been trying so hard. I honestly thought we had something.” His voice lost its comical shrillness and had grown stern.

 

“You treat everyone like they’re your darling. You act the same way with _everyone_.”

 

Minho shook his head. He grabbed one of Seungmin’s hands with both of his own, holding on tightly. “It started off as acting…” This was getting wacko. Seungmin tried to pull away but Minho tightened his grip on Seungmin’s hand. Minho stepped closer. “It started off as acting but now I think my feelings are real.”

 

Seungmin asked, “What are you saying?”

 

Minho bit his bottom lip. “What if I have real feelings for you?”

 

“You can’t. You shouldn’t.”

 

“But…” Minho gazed up into Seungmin’s face, his eyes searching frantically for _something_. “I love you!”

 

Seungmin paused. His whole body went still. He was positive his heart had stopped beating for a moment. Quietly, he asked, “Are… you… serious?”

 

Minho was quiet for an uncomfortably long moment. He gazed unblinking into Seungmin’s eyes, gripping the boy’s hand so tightly that Seungmin could feel his racing pulse. “The moment I saw you, I knew you were the one.”

 

Seungmin was going to lose his mind.

 

Another awkwardly long silence drifted between them, then Minho shook his head, smiled and pulled away. “Episode end. Cue ballad track. Flash the sponsorship logos on the screen. Roll credits.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Now that’s how you do a drama.”

 

“Hello?”

 

Minho sighed and wiped his palms on his slacks. “Oh, man. That felt great. Felix was right. I really should be an actor.” He put a fist against his shoulder like he was working out a kink in his neck.

 

Wow. Seungmin felt like he was on the drop tower himself. Gravity dragging him at insane speed towards the ground. “You piece of shit.”

 

Minho glanced up at him. “My performance was believable, right? Thanks for playing along.”

 

Seungmin kicked him in the shin.

 

Minho nearly fell over from the sudden attack. “Ow!”

 

Seungmin kicked him again. Just a tad harder.

 

“Shit!” Minho rubbed at his leg. “What was that for?”

 

Seungmin got him a third time. Even harder.

 

“What the hell is your problem, Kim Seungmin!?” Minho howled, hopping onto the picnic table to put some distance between his shin and Seungmin’s foot.

 

“What the hell is my problem? _You’re_ the one with a problem!”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Are you a lunatic?” Seungmin almost screamed. “Why would you say all of that to me? Why would you confess so seriously like that and just laugh it off and call it acting?” Goddammit. He hated himself for falling for it. He hated that his heart had been swayed just the tiniest bit.

 

Minho’s eyes went wide. “Wait. You were taking me seriously?”

 

“No,” Seungmin lied, spinning away.

 

“You took me seriously!” Minho had the audacity to yell and point. “Oh my god, you did!”

 

“Go away.” Seungmin started walking away. What the absolute _fuck_?

 

Hopping off of the table, Minho sprinted to catch up with him, holding out an arm so that Seungmin couldn’t get away. Seungmin pushed past him anyway. “Sorry,” Minho said. “I shouldn’t have played around like that. I wasn’t really thinking. I just got this idea for a character in my head and went for it.” Minho caught up with him again and put himself more firmly in the boy’s way. “I honestly thought you were playing along. I said I’m sorry, alright?”

 

Seungmin stopped walking and finally gave him his full attention. “I thought you were joking at first but you got so serious that I believed you.”

 

“So that means my performance was a success?”

 

“Ugh. You’re despicable.” Seungmin crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes up to the sky.

 

Minho relaxed and dropped his arm to his side. “Changbin really did tell me that you liked me, though. I should have told you this sooner but it’s Mina that I like.”

 

“I know that,” Seungmin stated. “And it’s also true that I don’t like you. Changbin’s got it all wrong.”

 

“I thought you were in on the joke,” Minho repeated. “I’m sorry, darling.”

 

“I want a divorce!” Seungmin shouted jokingly, turning to walk away.

 

“THINK OF OUR CHILDREN!” Minho shouted at his back.

 

Seungmin couldn’t even do his dramatic exit correctly because now he was doubled over laughing.

 

The amusement park wasn’t particularly large or extravagant or new. It had been built two or so decades ago so the paint was fading on a lot of signs and the bathrooms were kind of dingy. It still looked exactly like how Seungmin remembered it from his childhood. Even the woman who ran the shaved ice cart hadn’t changed. Well, apart from her age. The park only took up about three city blocks. Including the carousel and the scrambler, there were about ten flat rides. Then there was the one roller coaster, sleek and metal and electric blue, that wound from one end of the park to the other and then back again. Carnival games and food places took up the rest of the space. The park could get away with being right smack dab on the edge of downtown because it had the ocean on two sides and a row of abandoned storefronts on a third. On a day like this, there were mainly students just out of school for the day or families with numerous children populating the place. Dahyun, Felix and Jeongin had either been on the drop tower and gone somewhere else or they were currently on the ride as it climbed to the top of the column because Seungmin didn’t spot them in line. Sighing dejectedly, he hunted through the rows of carnival games trying to remember which one was ring toss. Eventually he found it but Mina and Changbin were nowhere to be seen. He tried a few other easy games like the balloon pop yet he couldn’t find his friends. Seungmin was about to give up and just get some cotton candy when he heard Changbin’s distinct laugh float to him from around a bend in the path. Seungmin followed the sound and found himself walking behind Changbin and Mina. He had just been about to call out to them but he stopped himself short.

 

They were chatting. That wasn’t weird.

 

Changbin was carrying a huge Scooby Doo plush toy with his right arm. That wasn’t weird.

 

Mina was carrying two smaller teddy bears under her left arm. That wasn’t weird.

 

What _was_ weird was that they were holding hands.

 

When Seungmin gasped, he was shocked that the two hadn’t heard him and turned around. Wasn’t Changbin whipped for Dahyun? Didn’t Minho like Mina?

 

Changbin said something to Mina that made her giggle. He turned around just enough for Seungmin to see how pink his cheeks were and how wide his cute, shy little grin was. Wow. Hearts could change fast.

 

Seungmin regained his composure. No. No. Wait. What if he was just misinterpreting the situation? He had to figure this out because Minho could be anywhere. Dahyun could be anywhere. They could walk up at any moment and see this. Seungmin straightened up his face, sped up to catch them and threw his arms over both of their shoulders. “Hey, guys,” he called out. “I finally found you. I thought you were doing ring toss?”

 

“I’m too good at that game,” Changbin said proudly. “The dude working the booth got pissed and made me leave because I kept winning.” He hoisted up the Scooby Doo plush he had by the neck.

 

“He also win the two I have,” Mina haltingly explained, holding up her own stuffed animals.

 

Seungmin glanced down. He expected that they’d pull apart when he’d shown up and caught them in the act but, to his surprise, Changbin and Mina were still holding hands. Not even just casually but with their fingers all interlocked. “Well, what are you guys about to do now?”

 

Changbin said, “I don’t know. What do you want to do, Mina?”

 

She thought about it for a moment. “The horse circle?”

 

“The carousel?” Changbin wondered. He dipped low, rose slowly and dipped low again, miming the revolving action of the ride.

 

Mina nodded aggressively.

 

Changbin tilted his head to look at Seungmin. “We’re going to the carousel,” he stated, as if Seungmin weren’t _right there_ and hadn’t heard everything.

 

“They aren’t horses, though,” Seungmin said. “It has a sea creature theme. With fish and dolphins and turtles and stuff.”

 

“There’s a seahorse, isn’t there?” Changbin asked. “Then it’s a horse circle.”

 

“Seahorses aren’t horses.”

 

“They are today, dammit.”

 

Mina laughed.

 

Seungmin let out a forced chuckle. Were neither of them at all concerned with their swinging hands and smitten grins? You would have thought they’d been dating for months. How did a few games of ring toss yield such results? They couldn’t have been by themselves for much longer than thirty minutes! Maybe he should try to play ring toss with Felix. Seungmin looked down again just to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. No. They were definitely holding hands. It wasn’t some hand-shaped stuffed toy or anything creepy like that. Seungmin looked back up at Changbin. How could he say this? How could he ask this? May as well be blunt, right? He opened his mouth to straight up ask them ‘what the fuck is this’ when another familiar voice called out to them.

 

“Oyyy!”

 

Instinctively, Changbin called back, “Oyyy!”

 

Felix, Jeongin and Dahyun were bounding across the pavement towards them.

 

“We just rode the drop tower like four fucking times, man,” Felix shouted, huffing and puffing from all of their running. “My hands are shaking so bad. See?” He raised them up and they were visibly trembling from the adrenaline rush.

 

Jeongin had a cup of soda in his hand and took a sip of it. “The line got so short that they just let us stay on the ride,” he explained. “We would have went for another round but Dahyun felt light-headed.”

 

Seungmin could see--no, he could _feel_ \--the moment that Dahyun hooked her eyes towards Changbin and Mina’s held hands. Although it was hot out, it was like there was a sudden and chilly breeze. “I still might throw up.” Dahyun flipped her gold hair over her shoulder in an I-don’t-care fashion that definitely made it seem like she cared a lot and Seungmin knew that he was the only one who noticed.

 

“Please don’t vomit on me,” Changbin whined. “I just ate.”

 

Seungmin dropped his arms from around the budding couple’s shoulders, not wanting to be in the crosshairs if Dahyun decided to let loose an all-out attack.

 

“I have antacid in purse,” Mina tried to be helpful. She let go of Changbin’s hand to reach for her shoulder bag.

 

“I’m fine,” Dahyun said hurriedly. “I don’t want one.”

 

Mina paused, her hand halfway inside of her purse. “Are you sure?”

 

Dahyun nodded and then looked away because, clearly, the Ferris wheel off to the left was far more interesting.

 

Mina closed her purse and smiled. She didn’t seem aware of Dahyun’s sour mood at all. “I understand.”

 

“Hey, Seungmin, wanna ride the roller coaster with us?” Felix suggested with a manic grin.

 

“You sure,” Seungmin asked. He stepped forward and grabbed Felix’s hands. He could still feel them vibrating. “You don’t need a damn break first? Look at you.”

 

Jeongin choked on his soda.

 

“I’m fine. I’m just excited as all hell,” Felix defended himself. “Let’s keep going.”

 

Seungmin got lost a little in Felix’s eyes. The boy’s hands were so warm and so soft and so tiny and fit so comfortably in his own. Seungmin was filled with this wild urge to protect the boy. To pull him close and hold him tight and sniff his hair and commit his scent to memory. Was it his imagination or was Felix looking at him completely differently now? There was a brand new smile on his face and a shine to his eyes that hadn’t been there ten seconds before.

 

A cup of soda fell on the pavement between their feet. The lid popped off and sent Pepsi fizzing all over the place.

 

Felix and Seungmin jumped away from each other as the dark liquid spilled across the ground.

 

“Whoops,” said Jeongin. “It slipped right out of my effin’ hand.”

 

The bastard!

 

As if they weren’t already far enough apart now, Jeongin pushed his way between Felix and Seungmin under the pretense of picking up his trash. “At least I had almost finished it,” he said with a cheeky grin.

 

Changbin spoke up, “Oh, it would have been terrible if you’d just bought it and then you dropped it. Maybe you’re all shook up from the ride, too.”

 

“Maybe,” Jeongin said, staring right up at Seungmin with the evilest of evil smirks.

 

Mina wrapped her hand around Changbin’s arm. “Shall we go to carousel now?”

 

“Sure,” Changbin immediately agreed. Then, to the group, he said, “We’ll be back.”

 

“Hey, if you play more games, win me something,” Felix requested. “Anything that looks like a frog.”

 

“So something that looks like Jeongin?” Seungmin couldn’t help himself.

 

Changbin and Felix laughed. Jeongin scowled.

 

“Sure thing, man,” said Changbin. He led Mina away. They were already talking in low, hushed voices to each other.

 

“I’m tired,” Dahyun suddenly announced with a groan. She was doing her best not to look in Changbin or Mina’s direction. “Riding the drop tower so many times has my stomach all stirred up. I’m going to sit for a bit.” She didn’t wait for anyone to join her. She was already turning away.

 

This left Jeongin and Seungmin in an intense staring match with Felix standing awkwardly to the side like a referee. “Roller coaster anyone?” He attempted to break the tension.

 

Seungmin had had enough. “Can Jeongin and I have a minute?”

 

Jeongin’s mouth opened wide in surprise. “Huh?”

 

“We need to talk,” said Seungmin. “Just one question.”

 

Felix looked nervous. “You’re not going to fight, are you?”

 

“Yeah. Are you?” Jeongin parroted. His eyes were wide with what might have been fright.

 

“It’s fine, you guys. I just need to ask one thing.”

 

“Alright, then,” Felix said. “I’ll save you guys a spot in the line. Please hurry.”

 

Jeongin didn’t even wait for Felix to be out of earshot before he asked, “What the flip is this about?”

 

Seungmin straightened himself up to his full height. “Let’s call a truce.”

 

“What?”

 

“On the love war,” Seungmin clarified. “Let’s call a truce.”

 

A mix of emotions crossed Jeongin’s face. So quickly it was as if he were a video game character glitching out. Seungmin caught a glimpse of worry… and anger? “Why?”

 

“Felix is moving away. It’s not fair,” mumbled Seungmin. Plus, he was tired of always having to see Jeongin every time he wanted to see Felix.

 

“Are you asking me this because you’re sick of being in second place?”

 

Wow. Just wow. “No,” Seungmin lied.

 

Jeongin snorted. He knew he had guessed correctly. “I’m winning by a landslide so now you’re scared and want to call the whole heckin’ thing off.”

 

“What else can we do? He’ll be leaving any day now.” Seungmin lowered his voice to a hiss. “The conditions of the love war were that we fought over him until he picked one of us by the end of the school term but if he’s not going to be fucking here to fight over for the rest of the school term, then what’s the goddamn point?”

 

Jeongin squeezed his eyes shut as if thinking very hard. It must have been a difficult thing for him to do. “How about we keep going until he leaves? He’s bound to pick one of us if we step our game up.”

 

“I don’t think that’s going to change anything.”

 

“Just lose like a man, Seungmin.” Jeongin blinked open his eyes. “I told you once before and I’m going to tell you again: you’re not trying hard enough.”

 

Seungmin put his hands behind his back and took a deep breath in and then let it out. Stay calm, he told himself. “What’s so wrong with calling a truce? We can go about our lives. I can like someone else. You can like someone else. No more love war.”

 

This made Jeongin hesitate. His anger morphed into surprise and then into confusion. “You’re really giving up on him? I don’t believe you.”

 

“Would I be calling off the damn war if I still thought I had a chance?”

 

Jeongin narrowed his eyes as if sensing a ploy.

 

Seungmin groaned. Why did he think he could actually get Jeongin to agree to such a thing? “Forget it. I--”

 

“Fine,” Jeongin said. He folded his arms across his chest. “I agree to your ceasefire request.”

 

“Oh.” That was unexpected.

 

“Shake on it?” Jeongin suggested, holding out his hand.

 

“Deal.” Seungmin pulled a hand from behind his back.

 

“Deal.”

 

They shook hands. Seungmin didn’t even feel the least bit guilty for having his fingers crossed behind his back. Fuck a bitch named truce. He was fighting dirty. “Let’s go catch up with Felix.”

 

The two of them joined Felix in line for the roller coaster and the three of them rode it once. Then they hopped off, got back in line and rode it a second time. Then they got in line again and rode it a third time. They would have jumped in line a fourth time if Jeongin hadn’t gotten immediately nauseous and made a beeline for the nearest bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before the contents of his stomach came hurtling out.

 

“Ugh, that sounds gross.” Seungmin scrunched up his nose on the other side of the stall door.

 

“You okay in there, Jeongin?” Felix asked. “Do we need to call for help?”

 

Jeongin retched again. Seungmin would have honestly believed the boy was faking it if he couldn’t _hear_ it trickle into the toilet bowl. Hell. Smell it, too. “I’m fine,” Jeongin whimpered meekly.

 

“One too many loop-the-loops,” Felix diagnosed. “We probably shouldn’t have gone on the coaster so many times in a row.”

 

“I’m fine,” Jeongin squeaked out. He sounded anything but fine.

 

Seungmin tilted his head just enough to see under the stall door. All he could see was Jeongin’s  knees in front of the porcelain throne. “Do you need water? I can get you some water.”

 

“I’m fi--” Jeongin started. He was interrupted by his own body.

 

Felix rubbed his own throat sympathetically.

 

Seungmin scrunched up his face. Rival or not, he didn’t want to see the boy in this kind of pain. “I’ll get you some water. Maybe I can ask for a cool, damp towel, too.” He took his leave.

 

Felix said, “I’ll call the others and let them know. Hang in there.”

 

It took thirty minutes for Jeongin’s stomach to settle enough for him to flush the toilet one last time and stand up. It took ten more minutes for him to feel sturdy enough to leave the bathroom and sip from the water bottle he was given and have Seungmin blot off all of the sweat on his face with a towel. By the time the trio made it back to the amusement park’s entrance plaza, the sun was going down, turning the sky dusky orange and painting the bottom of the clouds a rosy pink. The lights of the carnival were just beginning to wink on. The roller coaster lit up a brilliant and dazzling blue. The Ferris wheel became a circular rainbow of light and color. The UFO ride glowed radioactive green. The park was getting louder and more crowded. Less children, more teenagers. The air smelled more heavily of popcorn and sugar and grilled meat. Dahyun and Minho were seated at the same picnic table where they had started this perilous afternoon. Dahyun had bought about a dozen kooky hair clips and had them all in her hair, sticking out every which way. Minho was wearing about three headbands, all with cartoonish googly eyes on them. The two of them were sharing a funnel cake and doing a suspicious amount of giggling and whispering to each other.

 

“Sup, guys,” Felix called out.

“Oh, hey,” Dahyun responded. She looked around. “Wow. It got dark. Shit!”

 

Minho also seemed to have snapped out of the spell of their conversation. “We’ve been talking for that long?”

 

Felix sat down onto the bench next to Minho.

 

Strangely, neither Jeongin nor Seungmin dove for the spot next to him. In fact, they both slowly lowered themselves onto the opposite side of the table, Jeongin getting next to Dahyun. They side-eyed each other warily as they sat as if expecting the other to leap across the table and go for the seat next to Felix the moment the other let their guard down. Their butts hit the bench. Neither of them jumped back up to get next to the redhead. The truce idea was working. Seungmin was both relieved and excited. He could put his real plan into motion after this.

 

Felix asked, “What have you two been talking about all this time?”

 

“We were just talking--” Minho began. Then he changed topics. “Jeongin, how are you feeling, bud?”

 

“Better,” the boy replied. He took another sip of his water. “I feel about five times lighter now.”

 

“Ugh,” Dahyun cringed. “Dude, sorry to hear about that.”

 

“No more roller coaster marathons on a full stomach for me,” Jeongin stated.

 

“Yeah, especially when all you ate was a candied apple and a cone of ice cream,” Felix chided.

 

Minho gasped. “What? Really, dude? No wonder you got sick. See? This is why I don’t go on things that spin you all around like that.”

 

“You sound like an old man,” Dahyun commented.

 

“I hope you feel better, dude,” said Felix. He gave Jeongin a thumb’s up. “If you still feel nauseous maybe get a ride to the clinic?”

 

Jeongin nodded. “Thanks for the advice. Oh fiddlesticks, my throat hurts.”

 

Seungmin propped his chin up on his hand with an almost bored sigh. He couldn’t care less about the contents of Jeongin’s digestive system. All he wanted to know was why Minho and Dahyun kept stealing glances at each other, grinning like there was some shiny shared secret between the two of them. Seungmin couldn’t tell if it was the carnival lighting or some kind of bond of destiny that had put such a twinkle in Minho’s eyes. If Seungmin could admit one thing, it was that Minho had never looked at _him_ like that. And that was a good thing. A blessing. An absolute gift. Dahyun put a hand over her mouth, her laughter like little twinkling chimes. Minho fought back his own grin before stabbing the funnel cake with his fork and taking a big, powdered sugar covered bite. Seungmin wouldn’t be surprised if they were playing footsie under the table. He rolled his eyes.

 

“So, Felix, how are you feeling?” Seungmin asked.

 

“Hmm?” Felix looked up. He had been checking his phone and the light from his screen turned his eyes a weird color. “About what?”

 

“About today,” said Seungmin. “About… saying goodbye.”

 

Felix frowned but then he turned it into a wide smile. “I just want to thank you guys. From the bottom of my heart. I mean it.”

 

“Please don’t be cheesy,” Dahyun complained. She dropped her fork onto the plate like she’d lost her appetite. “Don’t do this. Not today.”

 

“Pssh, fine,” Felix acqueised.

 

“Do you know what day you’ll have to go?” Minho asked.

 

Felix shrugged. “The most my dad will tell me is that he’ll find out for sure before the weekend.”

 

“That doesn’t leave us much time,” Seungmin mumbled.

 

“It doesn’t but we’re spending it together now, aren’t we,” Felix said with a smile.

 

Jeongin leaned forward. Like the snake he was, he was slithering his hand across the table as if to try and make a grab for Felix’s hand. The little bastard! What about the truce? Seungmin searched the table for anything he could use as a distraction but all that was within reach was the napkin holder and he knew if he grabbed that, he’d just hit Jeongin over the head with it.

 

Fortunately...

 

“Guys, what the hell?” This was Changbin. He walked up to the table and slapped his hands down on the surface. His appearance was so sudden that everyone startled.

 

Seungmin got excited. He was sure Changbin was mad because Minho was obviously macking on Dahyun.

 

Instead, Changbin said, “You texted me and said we were meeting at the gate. This is not the gate.”

 

Dahyun casually said, “Well, we wanted to finish our funnel cake,” as if that explained everything.

 

To demonstrate, Minho grabbed what remained of the dessert and just shoveled the whole thing in his mouth because who gave a fuck about image?

 

“Well,” Changbin sighed, “you should have sent another text saying not to stand around at the gate for five minutes like total losers.” Mina came up beside him. She obviously pressed her shoulder against his. Changbin smiled at her briefly. Sweetly.

 

“Geez, don’t choke on that thing,” Dahyun said, watching Minho with wide eyes and an expression that toed the line between disgust and fascination.

 

Minho said something. Or tried to. All that came out of his mouth was a muffled noise and an avalanche of crumbs.

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, idiot,” Dahyun chastised him.

 

Minho let out a moan that everyone understood whether his mouth was full or not.

 

“I take back that idiot bit,” Dahyun said quickly. “I forgot I can’t call you names without you enjoying it.” She smiled dreamily at him, even as he went into a choking fit and had to snatch Dahyun’s soda to wash down the funnel cake.

 

“This was very much fun,” said Mina. “Today was very… how do you say…?”

 

“Memorable?” Changbin offered.

 

Mina hesitated for a moment.

 

Patiently, Changbin explained, “It means it will be easy to remember.”

 

At this, Mina nodded. Then she tried the pronunciation for herself, “Mem-- Memorable.”

 

“You got it,” Changbin cheered her on. He gave her nose the softest little tap.

 

Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows and looked between the couples. The couples that weren’t the couples that he thought would be couples the other day. Was he… missing something here? Hadn’t Changbin been clearly whipped for Dahyun just earlier today? Hadn’t Minho told Seungmin just a few hours ago that he was into Mina? Yet it seemed like none of that mattered now because Dahyun and Minho were making heart eyes at each other while Changbin and Mina linked pinkies on top of the table. Fuck roller coasters. _This_ was making Seungmin’s stomach churn. “Is it time to go yet? I’ve got one hell of a walk and it’s dark out already.”

 

“Yeah, we should call it a night,” Jeongin chimed in. He checked the time on his phone. It wasn’t particularly late just yet, Seungmin figured, but a baby with a curfew probably needed to get home to mommy and do his homework like a good little boy.

 

Felix stood up. “Thanks, you guys.” His eyes were getting all misty. “I mean it. I’m going to miss the shit out of you all.”

 

“Hey! Don’t be cheesy,” Dahyun whined.

 

“Do not cry or I will cry,” warned Mina, already wiping her thumb over the corner of her eye.

 

“Look at what you’ve done, man,” Minho playfully complained. “You’ll start an uncontrollable chain reaction.”

 

Felix laughed. At first it sounded forced, like the tears were _right there_ and he was about to bawl in front of everyone, but then the laughter sounded genuine and clear. It didn’t take much longer for the others to start laughing, too. They got up from the picnic table in a jovial mood, cracking jokes and horseplaying. They exited the amusement park and headed back into town. The air was still warm from the hot day but the breeze blowing in off of the ocean was cool and damp. At the end of the block, Jeongin excused himself first. He waved goodbye and made a right at the intersection headed north. Minho was the next to break away from the group, shouting his goodbyes and flinging an air kiss in Dahyun’s direction before heading towards the front gates of a downtown apartment complex. The mood was pleasant and light. Or at least it was for another block or two. Mina started crying first. Out of nowhere. Quiet little sniffles that ramped up into actual tears. Changbin pulled her into a hug and stroked her hair. Dahyun started crying because her best friend started crying.

 

Through her tears, Dahyun asked, “Didn’t I say not to be cheesy? That goes for everyone. Not just Felix.”

 

“You’re crying, too,” Seungmin pointed out.

 

“Yeah, but--” Dahyun sobbed. “I wouldn’t be if you guys weren’t so dumb!”

 

It almost seemed like they could keep going but then Felix teared up next. His face went red from the strain of holding them back. Seungmin watched him for a moment. He watched as Felix’s face contorted with distress. He hated himself for thinking that, even in a moment like this, Felix was very pretty. And very close. And slinging his arms around Seungmin’s neck and openly sobbing into the front of his shirt now.

 

Oh.

 

“It’s alright,” Seungmin tried to calm him down. He tried to calm _himself_ down. He wrapped his arms around Felix’s narrow waist and held him as the boy cried. His heart felt like it was about to explode. From sympathy? From excitement? He pulled Felix close. It was like holding a tiny star in his arms, a star that gave off warmth and light and shook a little. A star that he wished could stay. A star that he wished could be his. “Don’t cry. Don’t be sad. We’re all gonna keep in touch, remember? The distance won’t matter.”

 

Even Changbin was tearing up now, although he was fighting it back with all of his might.

 

Now Seungmin felt bad for not crying. For not being able _to_ cry.

 

He looked around at his friends. Dahyun seemed to be getting a hold of herself. She had pulled out her little fan again and was using it to dry her eyes. “I’m going to go,” she mumbled, not particularly loud enough for everyone else to hear. “I need some hot soup.” Over the top of Felix’s head, Seungmin watched her walk away.

 

Changbin stopped his crying next. He let out a strained ‘See ya tomorrow’ before offering to walk Mina another few blocks.

 

It didn’t take long for Seungmin and Felix to be alone. Felix was still crying, still shaking, still clinging tightly onto him.

 

Why couldn’t Seungmin feel anything?

 

He felt hollowed out on the inside. He couldn’t cry. He was sad but not sad like he wanted to be. Not sad like his friends were. Distance won’t matter? What the hell was he thinking when he said that? Distance was everything. Distance would tear them apart. Seungmin had never left this town. Even Busan was mostly a mystery to him. He couldn’t even fathom how wide the ocean was or how far away Felix would be in a matter of days. Australia was an entirely different country. Fuck, it may as well have been a completely new world at the very edge of the universe! Seungmin was struggling to come to terms with his brother moving only a handful of hours away at the end of the summer. How was he going to handle Felix being _gone_ before the end of the month?

  
Okay. Perhaps he _could_ cry.


	17. In Which Kim Seungmin Gets Asked A Very Big Question (Part Deux)

“Promise me you’ll hold my hand if I get scared now.”

 

Bloom by Troye Sivan

 

“You’re scaring me,” said Jisung with complete honesty. He wasn’t even on his phone, that’s how serious he was.

 

“Ummm,” Seungmin mumbled, barely paying attention, “I’m not doing anything.”

 

“You are. You’re doing it right this second and you’re scaring me, dude.”

 

Seungmin gave his friend the quickest glance. Jisung was looking at him with an uncharacteristically stony expression. Seungmin went back to what he was doing. “How am I scaring you? I’m just standing here.” And he was. Technically.

 

Jisung scrunched up his face. “You don’t even realize you’re doing it. Do I have to tell you?”

 

“Yes. I’m never going to get it otherwise.”

 

“You’re looking for him.”

 

That sounded so benign. He wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. “I’m just standing here,” Seungmin repeated himself.

 

For the first time in years, Jisung was at a loss for words. He did not know what to say! He stood there and watched as Seungmin boldly continued his frightening behavior. Jisung couldn’t take it anymore. “Felix is already in class. He walked right past you ten minutes ago and you didn’t morph into a bumbling poetry-spouting idiot.” Jisung lowered his voice. “So you can only be looking for _him_.”

 

His sentence hung in the air for a long second before Seungmin ran it through his brain. Looking. For. Him. “Shit.” Seungmin gasped. He looked at Jisung. “Really?”

 

“You’ve been doing this the last few minutes. Let me demonstrate.” Jisung mimicked his friend by peering down the hallway with wide eyes and a half-open mouth, making googly eyes at every passing face.

 

“I was not,” Seungmin huffed.

 

“You so were.” Jisung tsked and shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re in it this deep already, dude.”

 

“Shut up.” Seungmin glanced past Jisung and into class 2-F. Sure enough, Felix was already seated at his desk in the front row. He was smiling and laughing with their classmates like there was absolutely nothing wrong in the world. Like he wasn’t about to leave forever any day now. When had his father said he'd have an answer? Before the weekend? Yet despite all of that, Felix was so beautiful. That smile shone brighter than anything on the entire planet. In the entire galaxy! Seungmin wanted to--

 

Jisung waved a hand in front of his face. “Earth to Seungmin!”

 

“I’m fine. I’m right here.” But this was worrying, though. The fact that Seungmin hadn’t even _noticed_ the redhead had walked past him was a terrifying sign. This had to stop. Sweet Jesus, this needed to end!

 

He must have worn his horror right on his face because Jisung said, “See? Now you understand.” He leaned in close. “Now you get why I’m scared. I can’t believe you’re actively searching for Hyunjin. You’re even standing on your tiptoes like you aren’t already tall as fuck and can see over everyone’s heads.”

 

Seungmin sank back down onto his feet and leaned against the door frame with a heavy sigh. He had been trying to find Hyunjin. Such words didn’t sound like they could be true but he had just been doing it. He had been _looking_ for Hyunjin. This was a sign that the actual apocalypse was on the way. The world was ending. He hadn’t just been looking for Hyunjin in the hall, he had been looking _forward_ to seeing Hyunjin in the hall! That was no subtle difference. Seungmin bit his bottom lip. How was this even possible? A week ago, he wouldn’t have been looking for the boy at all. He wouldn’t have even been thinking about him! Yet, today... “Is he still not coming to school?”

 

“Now you’re showing concern. I don’t know who you are anymore.” Jisung bowed his head, a somber expression taking over his face. “I really have lost you. The real Seungmin is truly gone. Who are you?” He loudly sniffed back fake tears. “Seungmin, where did you go? Why did you have to leave me like this? You were taken from this world too soon!” He raised his hands to his face and pretended to sob.

 

Seungmin ignored him. “This makes the second day. What if something happened to him?” Now that he thought about it, he didn’t actually have a way to get in touch with Hyunjin. They didn’t know each other’s numbers and he knew absolutely no one else who would have it. “Did the kiss scare him away that bad? Am I that terrible of a kisser?” And all of this time, he thought he was good! Hadn’t Haknyeon from the track and field team said he was the best kisser ever just last winter? They’d made out for nearly an hour straight!

 

Jisung threw his head back and wailed loudly, interrupting Seungmin’s internal dilemma. Jisung was making enough noise now that a few of their classmates were glancing over at them and giving them dirty looks. “Best friend,” Jisung hollered, wiping imaginary tears off of his cheeks with his sleeve. “Where did my best friend go? These aliens are so mean. They’ve abducted you and left behind this foul imposter who looks like you but can’t be you because the person in front of me is nuts!” He swatted Seungmin in the chest.

 

“Oww,” Seungmin groaned. That actually hurt a little.

 

“I don’t know what planet they’ve taken you to but I hope you can still hear me.” Jisung reached a hand up dramatically to the ceiling. “Can I take your manga collection? I can sell it online and make a _fortune_. With all of your signed copies, I can retire before I graduate. Please?”

 

“Never in a million years,” said Seungmin.

 

“Who needs the lottery when your bookshelf is a goldmine?”

 

“Over my dead body.”

 

Jisung turned his attention back to Seungmin, his dramatics forgotten. “For real, though. You’ve completely creeped me out. Can we sit down?”

 

That sounded like a good idea. Seungmin was starting to creep himself out. Why did he care about where Hyunjin was? Why did he care that he wasn’t here? Seungmin had brought his manga today so if he could just bury his nose in the story, perhaps he could put Hyunjin out of his mind for good. The bad boy’s absence was a positive thing. Seungmin could forget about that kiss they had. He could forget about that dinner invitation for tomorrow evening. Maybe he could forget that he and Hyunjin had gotten close at all and then he could go back to liking Felix with every fiber of his being and everything would be normal again. 

 

Speaking of which.

 

“Sup, guys,” Felix called out. He joined them in the doorway with a bright smile. “Having fun?” He smelled soft and clean and sweet. “Sounds like you’re having a blast over here so I figured I'd hop in.”

 

“Hey, dude,” Jisung said. “I’m actually really glad you’re here.”

 

“Hmmm. Why?” Felix asked.

 

“Let me see something real quick. Stand right here.” Jisung put a hand on Felix’s shoulder and guided him so that he was standing directly in front of Seungmin.

 

“What’s this about,” Felix needed to know.

 

“Just stand there for a second. Don’t look at me, look at Seungmin.” Jisung hooked his eyes towards Seungmin expectantly. Waiting.

 

Nothing happened. Felix glanced up at Seungmin. “I’m so confused.”

 

Jisung watched his best friend’s face for a reaction. “Stay still.”

 

To Seungmin’s credit, seeing Felix this close up would probably always mess up how his brain functioned. No matter how many times the two of them had talked over the past several days, it was like seeing him for the first time all over again whenever they made eye contact. Felix’s dark eyes and soft, pink lips. His nice little nose and slender fingers. It was just like that day a year ago when they got assigned to the same class, when Felix walked into the room like the moon and Seungmin was the ocean instinctively drawn in by his gravitational pull. Okay, wow. He needed to use that in a new poem soon. Seungmin blinked rapidly. His hands got sweaty. His knees buckled a little. Just looking at Felix made him feel all topsy-turvy. This was love, right? Seungmin almost forgot how to breathe and had to gasp for air. “Good evening, Felix,” he choked out.

 

Felix tilted his head to the side. “Huh? It’s almost eight in the morning, dude.”

 

Jisung sighed in relief. He clapped his hands together in prayer. “Oh, thank you. My dumb ass friend is back. Thank you!”

 

Seungmin was all shook up for another reason, too.

 

Last night.

 

It had only been a good handful of hours ago but it honestly felt like it had happened in a different lifetime--hell, on a different timeline--to some other Seungmin. Felix had cried in his arms. Seungmin had held him. They had stood like that for what felt like an eternity but it could have only been ten or so minutes. It had been a dream come true. Bigger and better than anything Seungmin could ever imagine. His body still remembered how Felix felt up against him. Tiny and warm. He remembered how they fit together almost perfectly. How Felix was _just short enough_ for Seungmin to prop his chin up on the top of the boy’s head. The stars had been twinkling just so and the moon, though but a sliver, still shone on the two of them as they stood outside of the amusement park. The moon had put a silver halo around Felix’s hair and its tiny crescent reflections gleamed in the salt streaks that lined Felix’s cheeks when he finally tilted his head back to look up at Seungmin. It had been a painful moment but it had been a beautiful one just as impactful as anything Seungmin could have found in his manga.

 

The only thing that ruined it was one sentence:

 

_I shouldn’t have turned you down._

 

But what did that mean? What was Felix trying to say? This probably wasn’t the best time or place to ask, but...

 

“I’ve actually been meaning to ask you something,” Seungmin started.

 

Felix kept smiling, his eyes kept twinkling. “Okay, sure. What’s up?” Did he know how much that one little sentence of his had messed Seungmin up? Did he even know that his words had kept Seungmin up almost all night? _I shouldn’t have turned you down._

 

“Last night, at the amusement park--”

 

“Oh my god, Seungmin!” A girl’s voice shrilly cut into their conversation.

 

The three boys spun around.

 

Jihyo ran up the hall towards them. “Woojin told me everything. I’m so blown away.”

 

Huh? Seungmin asked, “Told you what?”

 

She grabbed hold of his arm excitedly, bouncing from one foot to the other like she was about to take off jogging. “That you’re dating Hyunjin!”

 

Felix’s eyes nearly fell out of his head. “You’re dating Hyunjin?”

 

Seungmin was also shocked by this news. “I’m dating Hyunjin?”

 

Completely unaware that she had just casually destroyed everything around her, Jihyo laughed. “Woojin’s pretty mad about it but I think it’s cute. Are you finally over that other boy?”

 

“What other boy?” Jisung asked, perking up.

 

“You’re dating Hyunjin?” Felix was rightfully shocked. His face was the definition of bewildered. He took a step back like he had nearly lost his balance.

 

“Not really,” Seungmin answered. See? This is why he hated when his nosy brother stirred shit up. It was always the wrong information that he was being loud about! First Mom and now Jihyo were falling for Woojin’s lies and believing that there was a thing going on between him and Hyunjin. But still… Seungmin leaned close to Jihyo so that he could whisper. “Do you know where he is? He’s not at school today.”

 

“Of course he isn’t,” Jihyo said brightly, not even lowering her voice. “He’s at home. He got suspended for the rest of the week.”

 

“Suspended!” Seungmin repeated, snapping his fingers. The puzzle pieces fell into place. Hyunjin got suspended. That made so much more sense! Seungmin had been agonizing over all of this time for no reason. Hyunjin wasn’t at school because of that big ole fight earlier in the week. It's not like he was running away from their kiss after all. What a relief.

 

“You guys kissed,” asked Jihyo.

 

Seungmin slapped his forehead with his hand. Of course he’d said that out loud.

 

“You guys kissed,” Felix parroted. His face was getting a little pale. Why did he look so strange?

 

“Only for a little bit,” Seungmin tried to smooth things over but the second the words were out of his mouth, he knew he had fucked things up completely. They only kissed a little bit? Really?

 

Jisung raised an eyebrow.

 

Felix audibly clamped his mouth shut.

 

“I mean…” Seungmin started. How did he get out of this one?

 

Jihyo squealed. “Awww, you’re blushing.” She poked Seungmin’s cheek. “That’s so cute! I haven’t seen you blush like that since you first told me about the other boy.”

 

“What other boy?” Jisung asked again.

 

“Haknyeon,” Seungmin kinda sorta basically pretty much lied.

 

Jisung gasped. “The track star? You were into him?”

 

“For a bit, yeah.”

 

Jihyo frowned. She immediately caught on to Seungmin’s bullshit. “Wait.” She leaned into Seungmin’s face with her eyes all wide. “You never told him? After all of this time and he still doesn’t know?”

 

“He doesn’t need to know.”

 

“What?” Jihyo shook him a little bit. “Oh, that must _hurt_.”

 

Jisung stomped a foot, tired of being ignored. “Tell who?”

 

This was spiraling out of control. Every second that passed was flinging the earth farther off its axis and Seungmin could legitimately feel them all hurtling through space towards the sun at rapid speed. He was very suddenly hot and sweaty. Was anyone else hot? Phew. He fanned himself with his hand and was filled with the sudden urge to _run_. “Look,” Seungmin said, feeling like his heart was about to climb out of his throat, “class is about to start, so shouldn’t you get going, Jihyo?”

 

Still unaware that she was causing absolute mayhem and destruction by talking about a completely different guy in front of Seungmin’s crush, Jihyo asked, “Do you want to see him?”

 

Despite the perilous situation, Seungmin couldn’t help his curiosity. “You know where Hyunjin lives?”

 

Jihyo shrugged like it was nothing. “He lives down the road from me.”

 

Ahh. Of course. This _was_ a small town after all.

 

“Come on, I’ll take you to him,” Jihyo said, pulling on Seungmin’s arm.

 

“What? You want to leave? Right now?”

 

Jihyo nodded, completely uncaring. “Why not?” She pulled on his arm again. “I can just say that I forgot something at the house and you’re just along for the ride.”

 

“What about class?”

 

“You don’t care about class,” Jisung pointed out, folding his arms over his chest.

 

True… but damn! Why did that particular personality trait of his have to be called up right this second? This was the one time Seungmin would rather be in class! “I don't want to skip school.” He tried to think up a good excuse but only came up with something shitty. “If my brother finds out, he’ll have a problem.”

 

“If Woojin finds out,” Jihyo interrupted, “he’ll have to have a problem with _me_ .” Which meant that he wouldn’t have problems at all because he’d turn to putty in front of her. This was good in most situations but, for once, Seungmin _needed_ his brother to be annoying and to endlessly nag and be in the way.

 

“But--”

 

“We’re going,” Jihyo declared.

 

Before Seungmin could refuse again, Jihyo pulled on his arm and started tugging him down the hall.

 

Jisung gave them a farewell salute. “Bon voyage,” he called out after them. “I’ll tell the teacher that you’ve got spleen-icitis!”

 

Seungmin spun around. “That’s not a thing!”

 

To this, Jisung just shrugged as if to say 'Your loss.' Seungmin searched the doorway for Felix, to wave goodbye to him or try to explain things or something, to tell him that he and Hyunjin weren’t actually dating and never would date and that he would always pick Felix over anyone else, even Haknyeon, but the boy was nowhere to be found.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Jihyo was so effortlessly cool and down to earth. Nice. She was the exact opposite of Woojin’s live-by-the-rules snobbishness. So maybe there was some truth behind that opposites attracting thing? Well, they probably had far more in common than not. They were both ruthlessly competitive and immensely self-confident. Plus, it wasn’t like Woojin was a complete prude. He was top of his class, in multiple clubs and was one of the school’s star athletes to boot. They were the couple of the century but even without all of that, Jihyo seemed to radiate star power. No wonder she was so popular. The way she walked. The way her hair framed her face in movie star ringlets. She could have been an idol, honestly. Yet even with all of that going for her, Jihyo was just Jihyo to Seungmin. She had spent so many nights over the past three or four years at the Kim household eating dinner with them or lounging on the couch watching sports games on TV with them or playing Mario Kart 8 on Seungmin’s Nintendo Switch on the weekends with them. She had been such a pleasant and constant figure in the house and had been dating Woojin for so long that Seungmin absolutely forgot who she was and what family she came from until he skipped class with her.

 

When a whole entire Maserati Quattroporte dripping in breathtaking white paint pulled up to the curb outside of their school, Seungmin tried his best not to let his surprise show on his face.

 

The smartly dressed driver hopped out from behind the wheel, addressed Jihyo as ‘Young Lady Park’ before circling around the car to open the door for them. Seungmin grit his teeth and slid into the back seat as if he belonged there. At the least, he hoped Jihyo couldn’t see him shaking like a chihuahua.

 

“Did you see it?” Jihyo asked. “The fight, I mean.”

 

Seungmin was having a hard time settling into the seat even though it was swallowing him in luxury and comfort. “Huh? No.”

 

The car rumbled away from the curb, made a U-turn and started heading south past the town hall and the hotel.

 

“You’ve got to see it,” Jihyo exclaimed. "Everyone's been spreading the vid around." She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She tapped a few icons on the screen. “Jeongyeon was outside when it happened. She recorded everything and sent it to me. I’ve watched this like a hundred times.”

 

Her glee felt so strange and out of place to Seungmin. A fight seemed to be the weirdest thing to get this excited about. Then again, he had also been expecting her to react with the same revulsion as his older brother and he had to remember that not everyone else in the world was as much of a no-fun-allowed hardass as Kim Woojin.

 

“Look, look,” Jihyo leaned over in her seat to show Seungmin the screen of her phone. She pressed play.

 

The video was surprisingly crisp. It seemed to be shot from a stone’s throw away from the action, as if Jeongyeon had just been chilling in the bleachers and watching a good football game against the Bulldogs or something. Seungmin could clearly see about twelve dudes having an all-out brawl right in the middle of the athletic field. Fists were flying. Bodies rolled into the dirt. Dust got kicked up into the air. Seungmin didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this. He had seen the bruises on the boy’s faces, had even seen Hyunjin’s swelling eye for himself, but that didn’t prepare him to see this shit in action. These guys weren’t pulling their punches. At all. Seungmin could hear every wet-sounding _smack_ of impact as a fist connected with a mouth. He could see every trickle of blood ooze out of a nose. He had played plenty of violent video games but there was something totally different about seeing violence in real life and it was even more of a different thing when he could recognize the faces of half of the boys administering ass whoopings.

 

Seungmin spotted Taeyong first. He was surprisingly scrawny to be such a troublemaker. He elbowed one of Chan’s crew members in the gut before kneeing the dude in the shoulder and flipping him down into the dirt. Taeyong shouted something really close to “You think you’re hot shit?” before he let out a blood-chilling cackle. Someone else, it looked like Juyeon from this angle, came up behind Taeyong and sucker punched him in the jaw so hard that blood flew from the dude’s mouth. He fell over into the grass, coughing and screaming in frustration. Jeongyeon, behind the camera, let out an excited squeal and then turned the camera around so that a different part of the athletic field was in view.

 

“There he is,” Seungmin said without thinking.

 

Hyunjin had come onto the screen. His height made him stand out, sure, but Seungmin would have been able to spot him no matter what. Hyunjin was squaring off against a dude that had almost double his muscle mass without an inch of fear on his face.

 

“Oh, that must be those big and bad cousins Chan was talking about,” Seungmin reasoned. The ones Taeyong had brought to the school specifically as weapons to beat up Chan’s crew. They clearly weren’t students. They had to be twentysomething! Yet here they were getting their asses handed to them by a bunch of angry seventeen year old kids.

 

“Do you see his stance?” Jihyo pointed at the screen. “Look at his posture.”

 

Seungmin squinted a little to get a better look. What was he supposed to be looking at?

 

The big dude moved first. He threw all of his weight into a punch that Hyunjin easily side-stepped around. The big guy swung back around with another punch. This one managed to clip Hyunjin in the shoulder but he used the momentum of the impact to twist his body and pop the big dude a good one right on the cheek. It took Seungmin a while to notice but Hyunjin wasn’t moving like all of these other boys. Even Juyeon’s movements were the stiff, wide swings of a tough dude just throwing out punches and hoping something landed. Hyunjin, on the other hand, held his forearms in front of his torso like a pro boxer and slid around this dude with the slipperiness of a snake. Right hook, left straight, right jab. His movements were snappy and fluid and professional and he brought that big ass dude down in what felt like seconds.

 

Jihyo squealed. “He moves just like his big bro!”

 

“I didn’t even know he had a brother,” Seungmin mumbled. Watching the video still made him uncomfortable. Seeing Hyunjin just punch dudes in the face was a visceral reminder of the fearsome reputation that followed the boy around school.

 

“You don’t know Hwang Chansung?” Jihyo looked at him with wild, unbelieving eyes. “The MMA fighter! He’s on TV all of the time.”

 

“MMA?” Seungmin looked up at her. Uneasily, he asked, “Those cage fights?”

 

She didn’t seem to pick up on his discomfort. “Hell yeah! Watch. This is my favorite part.”

 

Seungmin turned his eyes back to the phone screen just as Hyunjin got hit square in the face by another big dude’s fist. Seungmin felt a sympathetic jolt of pain swim down his spine. Hyunjin shook off the hit and jumped back into the fight, ducking and dodging with lightning speed for several seconds before knocking the poor, unsuspecting fool flat on his ass with a single left hook to the jaw. Shit. No wonder everyone at school was so afraid of him.

 

The video ended right in the middle of the fight. Jihyo put her phone away. “Jeongyeon told me that that’s when the gym teacher showed up. She had to run or she’d get caught.”

 

Seungmin leaned back and was rather abruptly reminded that he was in the backseat of a fucking Maserati. Outside the windows, they were driving past a small but swanky subdivision. The houses were new and cookie cutter but still larger than Seungmin's own home. Beyond the manicured trees of their lawns, Seungmin could spot the boats and yachts of the marina in the distance and then, of course, the sparkle of the ocean. Too quickly, they were past all of that and headed even farther south.

 

There was a weird feeling crawling into the space under Seungmin’s rib cage. It drilled a hole in his heart and made him shiver with a sudden chill. Woojin was right. Hyunjin was wild and dangerous and Seungmin needed to stay away from him or he’d get hurt. Seungmin gulped. “Is it too late to turn around?”

 

Jihyo laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ll have you back at school before second period.”

 

“That’s not why I’m asking.”

 

“Seungmin, we’re almost there. Chill out.”

 

The country club was up on the right and, spread around it over a series of low, rolling hills was the golf course. The car slowed down and turned onto the street that ran perpendicular to the country club. They drove past a fancy, fenced-in pool and a big wooden building that seemed to be a dining hall of sorts. Then all of that vanished behind a row of trees. The car rolled around a sweeping curve and then stopped next to a small security checkpoint. The driver flashed a badge at the guard and then they were waved through the gate and allowed into the neighborhood. Seungmin tried his best not to openly gawk at the massive houses they drove past with their ridiculous topiary sculptures and fountains in the front yard. One of the houses was made of light-colored brick and sat on a wide lawn with several expensive cars just chilling on the curving driveway. All of _that_ was Jihyo’s house, Seungmin had to remind himself. He hadn’t seen it in years, honestly. Not since the early days of Jihyo’s and Woojin’s relationship where there were many nights of awkward family dinners and several long hours of their parents sipping tea and chatting and firing borderline invasive questions back and forth. Then it dawned on Seungmin that when Jihyo said Hyunjin lived down the road from her, she meant he lived _out here_.

 

Fuck.

 

Now Seungmin really _did_ want to go to school. It still wasn’t too late to turn around! He would love to be in school right now. He’d even pay attention in math! He’d take notes and he’d study and he’d make straight As and he wouldn’t get sent out into the hall anymore. He’d do anything but this. Anything!

 

“We’re here,” Jihyo announced cooly as the car slowed down.

 

They had parked at the curb outside of a large modern mansion that was all sharp angles and big glass windows and stark white paint.

 

Hyunjin _lived_ here. He went to sleep here and then woke up here and it wasn't all a dream.

 

Just the thought made Seungmin want to die.

 

Jihyo checked the time on her phone. “If we’re going to make it back by second period, you gotta make this quick.”

 

Seungmin felt his soul leave his body a little bit. “Wait. You’re not coming with me?”

 

“I’m going to swing by the house for a bit. We’ll be back to pick you up in, say, twenty minutes?”

 

Before Seungmin could voice his complaints, the passenger door next to him swung open and the driver stepped back and waved a courteous hand in the direction of the Hwang mansion’s front gate. As if to further hammer in the point that he had no say in the matter, Jihyo unbuckled his seatbelt and then nudged him out of the vehicle.

 

“Go see your boyfriend,” she said with a grin.

 

Seungmin stood up on wobbly legs. It was like learning how to walk all over again. It took a great deal of effort to put one foot in front of the other, step up onto the curb and approach the intercom system next to the shut-tight gate. The Maserati pulled away, did a slick three-point turn and accelerated up the road and back towards the Park manor. He was alone. In a place like this.

 

“This is wacko,” Seungmin mumbled. He meant the whole situation in general but also the fucking intercom. Which button did he press for the doorbell? It didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to press any of them. He was just going to wait out here for twenty minutes, get picked up and go back to school. Perhaps Hyunjin wasn’t even home. He was suspended, sure, but maybe he was out somewhere with Chan and Juyeon and the other guys? If they had ‘won’ a fight like that, there was probably a ton to celebrate. Yeah. Hyunjin wasn’t here, he decided. Seungmin had just pulled out his phone and was about to send Jihyo a ‘Well, whattaya know? He’s not home, please please please come get me’ text when Hyunjin’s voice buzzed into the air.

 

“Seungmin?”

 

He startled at the sound of his own name.

 

Hyunjin’s voice asked, “Seungmin, is that you? What are you doing here?”

 

Belatedly, Seungmin realized that the boy’s voice was coming from the intercom in front of him and that Hyunjin was probably watching Seungmin through some fancy camera. “No. It’s not me. It’s someone that looks like me. Sorry to bother you.”

 

Hyunjin _giggled_. Goddammit. “You’re not bothering me.”

 

Seungmin tried to quickly find an escape route. “Well, I hadn’t seen you in school the past day or so... So I wondered where you were and Jihyo told me you were suspended but since I know that you’re okay, I can leave, so don’t--”

 

There was a buzzing sound and then the front gate started to slide open. “Come on up,” Hyunjin instructed.

 

No. No no no no. “That’s fine. I can just skidoo on outta here now that I know you’re okay.”

 

Hyunjin spoke like he hadn’t heard. “I’ll meet you at the door.”

 

Shit. Seungmin gulped. How long would it take to walk to school from here? Fuck that. How long would it take to run  _home_? He just wanted to hide under the covers and not come out until school was out and it was summer. But before Seungmin realized it, he was walking down the wide driveway and headed towards the big blue front door. A door that was now swinging open and revealing Hyunjin clad in an oversize white shirt and dark gray sweatpants. His hair was the big, tangled mess it always used to be which, oddly enough, filled Seungmin with some comfort.

 

“Good evening,” Hyunjin said with a sleepy smile.

 

“Good evening,” Seungmin said back without thinking. Dammit. Their little inside joke. Ugh.

 

“Come in,” Hyunjin told him, holding the door open.

 

“I can’t stay long,” Seungmin replied. He had just stepped into the house but he already wanted to leave. Why was he so nervous? “Jihyo has to take me back to class in, like, eight minutes.” Eight was nowhere close to twenty but that was the point.

 

Hyunjin nodded slowly. He obviously hadn’t been awake for very long if his weariness was any indication. “We can sit in the kitchen. Do you want a snack?”

 

“No thanks,” Seungmin said, toeing off his shoes. If he ate anything with his stomach this much of an anxious, rumbling mess, he wouldn’t be able to keep it down. “Looks like you went to the hospital after all.”

 

Hyunjin nodded again. The last time Seungmin had seen him, he had looked an absolute disaster with blood all over his teeth and a blackened eye. Now there were multiple bandages and gauze pads on his face and hands. “This way.” Hyunjin led him across the sparsely but beautifully decorated foyer and through the minimalist living room flooded with early morning sunlight before taking him to the marble-tiled kitchen. Everything was white and gleaming and expensive-looking and Seungmin didn't want to touch anything. Hyunjin motioned Seungmin towards one of the stools at the massive kitchen island and then went to a cabinet and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He asked, “Were you worried about me?”

 

Seungmin felt his muscles lock up. Worried? Ha! No. Of course not. Why would he be worried!? But, somehow, his mouth interpreted these heated thoughts differently and he wound up saying, “Yes.”

 

Hyunjin sat down on the stool next to him and began munching on his cereal with his eyes half-closed as if he could fall asleep right then and there.

 

“I’m not worried now, though,” Seungmin explained. “Now that I’ve seen you, I can relax.” Well, Seungmin thought, he did look okay. The swelling around his eye had gone down considerably and his multiple bruises were already fading in color. The cut on his lip, however, still looked a little angry and red.

 

“I probably should have contacted you,” Hyunjin apologized. “I wanted to. I just didn’t have your number. Can I see your phone?”

 

He had asked it so casually that Seungmin had the device out of his pocket and slid across the countertop before he even realized why Hyunjin had asked for it.

 

Hyunjin punched his number into Seungmin’s contacts and then sent his own phone a text. “There,” he said. He slid Seungmin’s phone back towards him and then _smiled_.

 

Seungmin hated to admit it but he was getting used to Hyunjin smiling at him. He was… starting to like it. Every time he saw one of those smiles, his heart beat a little faster. They weren’t big, brighter-than-the-sun smiles that could light up the whole world all at once. No. They were tiny little things with just a little bit of shimmer to them. These smiles felt like secrets. They felt like things just for Seungmin. Things no one else could have. How could he ever be afraid of that?

 

“What are you thinking about?” Hyunjin asked him.

 

Seungmin realized far too late that he had been staring this whole time. He looked away. “You.” Shit. That’s not what he meant to say! Fuck fuck fuck. He had been thinking about Hyunjin but not in a soft and mushy way! He swore! “I mean--”

 

Hyunjin's smile widened. “You’re so cute.”

 

In that moment, Seungmin saw him for the apex predator that he truly was. Really, how was Hyunjin just eating his cereal dry like that? Not even a drop of milk!

 

Hyunjin asked, “Are you sure you didn’t read that letter?”

 

The subject change was so out of the blue that it made Seungmin’s head spin. It took him a moment to recall the letter in question. The one Hyunjin had given him a few days back. The one he’d thrown away without reading. “I didn’t read a letter.”

 

To this, Hyunjin just nodded. He scooped up more cereal and ate it quietly, staring off into space as if that were the end of the discussion.

 

Seungmin should have just let the matter drop. This silence was the perfect opportunity to just move on and forget about that letter. His twenty minutes were going to be up any moment now, right? He could go back to school and enjoy the rest of his Hyunjin-free week! But… now he wanted to know what the letter said. Why did he have to be so curious? He pondered a few ways he could ask about the letter without making it sound like he was actually interested in its contents.

 

Hyunjin seemed to read his mind. He slid his empty bowl of cereal away from him and then propped his elbow up on the counter so that he could face Seungmin more directly. “In the letter, I asked you if you wanted to be serious with me.”

 

Goodness! How direct. The way Seungmin’s stomach just flipped made him doubly happy that he did not accept the snack offer.

 

Hyunjin mistook Seungmin’s silence for confusion. He gathered every ounce of his confidence and boldly clarified, “In the letter, I asked if you wanted to go out with me.”

 

“I see,” Seungmin mumbled. It was all he could say. He felt like he was a second from imploding. He didn’t know whether this was fear or excitement or nausea bubbling up inside his chest and making him feel so light.

 

“But forget about the letter,” Hyunjin said.

 

Oh, thank God. Thank fuck! Seungmin relaxed against the counter like he’d just run out of batteries. He hadn’t even realized he’d been so tense. From his neck to his toes, he had been clenching every muscle and now he could finally breathe.

 

But...

 

Hyunjin continued in that low, quiet voice of his, “Because I’m asking you right now… Do you want to go out with me?”


	18. In Which Things That Should Be Difficult Are Actually Ridiculously Simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank you all for the support. I know it's a little cheesy but it means a lot to me. I've been posting on AO3 for a while but I never expected this little story of mine to get this kind of attention and response so I'm extremely grateful and I hope you all continue to be here with me as we approach the second half of this story! I love to read your comments, no matter how long or short, and I love to respond to your questions, so thank you for taking the time to write them because I know you all don't have to!
> 
> I know this chapter is relatively short in comparison to more recent updates but I hope it is still enjoyable and fulfilling. I'm already working on the next update that will hopefully be a bit lengthier. Thank you for your patience with me!!!

“You’re no good for me, girl.

You’re cruel and infectious.

You are my wish. This is me with a death wish.

I’m smart, I should get this, but,

Your eyes, your hips, your lips.

To me, they’re so precious. I guard them like treasures.

I’d run, I’d drive, I’d fly distant measures

Just to witness your gestures.”

 

U by Jaden Smith

 

Kim Seungmin had been in love five times.

 

Or, at least, he’d been in love five times totally. Irrevocably. Five times that bowled him over and made him fill pages and pages of his notebooks with sappy poetry. Each experience was different but they had all made his heart flutter, made him swoon. They had all left him breathless in the end. They had all kept him up at night and made it difficult for him to think without feeling crushed by the big size of his emotions.

 

His first love was during the explosive summer before he started high school. There was this drop dead gorgeous lifeguard who worked at the beach and Seungmin’s attraction to him had been instant and world-changing. His name was Jaehyun and he had a devilishly handsome, rectangular face, a rockin’ body and this habit of simultaneously running both of his hands through his hair. Whenever Seungmin saw him, fireworks went off in his head and this uncomfortably hot sensation settled in his belly. Jaehyun was so cool and mature but maybe that was because he was already in high school and did grown up things like have a part-time job and buy things with his own money. Over the course of the summer, Seungmin would go out to the beach almost every afternoon and sit on the rock beneath the lifeguard hut just to watch Jaehyun do his work which, most of the time, meant pacing the sand and picking up litter or getting agitated with the middle-aged women who let their dogs run around without leashes or blowing his whistle when the surfers went too far out into the ocean. Seungmin and Jaehyun didn’t speak directly to each other often, but when they did, they could chat about anything. Foreign films. The best places to eat in town. Their favorite music artists. How to deal with annoying older brothers. A few times over that summer, Seungmin brought food that he had cooked and, even fewer times, Jaehyun actually accepted his offer to share a meal. They never kissed. Of course they didn’t. This one particular girl came around often enough and always touched Jaehyun’s shoulder for long enough that Seungmin just _knew_ he had no chance. So Seungmin didn’t tell him how he felt.

 

His second love came to him not too long afterwards. A man named Junho. He was one of the waiters at the restaurant on the pier and he looked damn good in his uniform. Junho was charming and had dreams of moving to Seoul and making it as an actor. He had the looks and he had the confidence but even Woojin could tell he had very little talent. Junho was much older. School had long since come and gone for him but he was kind in this refreshingly childlike, naive way and had this really aggressive method of flirting with Seungmin’s mom when the Kim family ate at the restaurant on Fridays. Mom insisted that it was the man really gunning hard for big tips but if Junho was so bad at acting, wouldn’t it be easy to tell if he was being insincere? He always seemed very honest when he flirted. His voice always got really soft and his smile always got really big every time he delivered some corny and borderline inappropriate pick-up line. Back then, it didn’t matter how shitty Seungmin’s week at school was because he knew that, come Friday, the family would get all dressed up and have a meal at the fancy seafood restaurant and Seungmin could spend an hour or so smiling up at Junho every time he walked by and then he could pretend that all of the man’s flirty lines were aimed at him rather than at his mother. So Seungmin didn’t tell him how he felt.

 

A year and a half ago, his third love moved in right next door. A boy with the cutest little nose and the warmest little hands and the biggest little heart. A boy the same age as him. A boy who lost his parents in a terrible accident and had to be taken in by his grandparents. The only guy at school who didn’t look at Seungmin crazy whenever he talked at length about anime or what crazy new fashion trend was happening in Harajuku. The only person who understood him when all of the others made fun of him. The boy who liked hentai and yuri and, when begged enough times, would also begrudgingly read yaoi. The boy who radiated sunshine despite everything. The boy who provided the kind of friendship that Seungmin did not want to ruin with messy feelings. So Seungmin didn’t tell him how he felt.

 

His fourth love was Haknyeon. Cute and bubbly and popular with all of that bleached blonde hair and those big brown eyes that could fit galaxies in them. Seungmin didn’t have to tell Haknyeon anything because Haknyeon told him first. He was the first boy who ever liked Seungmin and told him about it. He was the first boy that Seungmin held hands with. The first boy he went out on dates with. The first boy who noticed when Seungmin cut his hair or used a different shampoo or did up his tie differently. He was the first boy to give Seungmin a cute pet name (Minnie Mouse) and the first boy to send him good morning texts and call him late at night just because he was thinking about him and wanted to hear his voice. Haknyeon was the first boy he kissed. And they kissed often. Wrapped up in their scarves and coats, they practically spent that whole winter break kissing. More than kissing. Definitely more than kissing. Under the pier at the beach with the ice cold water almost at their ankles. Under the bleachers at the athletic field when they snuck onto campus that one time late at night. It may have been chilly outdoors but things stayed warm between them. Or at least Seungmin had believed so but, before winter break was over and school started up again, Haknyeon was also the first boy that dumped him.

 

Seungmin’s fifth love was… _is_ Felix. Beautiful, soft, shining Felix. He was spring coming in after the winter, perhaps because he had appeared in front of Seungmin during literal actual spring after a surprisingly lonely winter. Felix warmed him up and melted the snow that had gathered on his heart. Felix twinkled like stardust. He glowed like a moonstone. He was… _is_ so smart and so thoughtful. He was just unreal. Seungmin had wanted to tell him all of that but he didn’t want to tell him because he was afraid things would wind up like his other four loves. Seungmin never would have told him anything until Jisung made him tell Felix _everything_ … but now that Seungmin had told him, now that Felix had turned him down, the boy was leaving for good and acting all strange because of it.

 

So, despite how badly he didn’t want it to happen, things were winding up like Seungmin’s first four loves anyway. Star-crossed. Impossibly distant. Doomed to burn out before they ever burned bright.

 

But... there was this other boy.

 

This Hyunjin boy.

 

This quietly fierce boy who always smelled like cigarette smoke and whose face was usually so icy but who always smiled warmly at him. This boy who liked to see him and who worried about him and who paid attention to him and remembered little things about him. This boy who was like the approaching summer: free and wild and hot and intriguing. This boy, sitting so quietly. Right here. Right now. Looking over at Seungmin and waiting waiting waiting for an answer. An answer that could create something or destroy everything.

 

_Do you want to go out with me?_

 

How the hell was Seungmin supposed to reply to that? How the fuck was he supposed to respond? There was no way he could handle such massive responsibility. He didn’t want this question. It was too massive. Too powerful. He was already starting to panic beneath its weight.

 

_Do you want to go out with me?_

 

He should say no.

 

Hyunjin was bad news. Everyone at school was afraid of him. He got into fights as an after school hobby and wore his battle scars like trophies. He’d just been promoted to gang boss! He was severe and sharp where Seungmin was rounded curves. What could he possibly even _want_ with someone like Seungmin?

 

He should say no.

 

Hyunjin wasn’t Felix. Hyunjin wasn’t the boy Seungmin had been crushing on so deeply all of this time. Hyunjin wasn’t the boy Seungmin thought about everyday, wrote poetry about everyday, daydreamed about everyday, looked for in the halls everyday, listened out for the sound of his voice in a crowded room everyday. Hyunjin wasn’t the boy who cried in his arms. Hyunjin was none of those things, so--

 

He should say no.

 

Everything between them was a mistake. Fate’s cruel, pragmatic machinations. Destiny’s unfunny games. It had all started with an accident. A letter that was kinda sorta maybe delivered to the wrong person. A message that never made it to its intended destination. A tangled red string connecting the wrong people, so...

 

He should say no.

 

Things between them continued with a mistake. A forgotten umbrella. A dinner invitation that never should have been given or accepted. A mother who had gotten the wrong idea. A brother who couldn’t stop them on their collision course. Even this conversation in this kitchen right now was a mistake, a product of miscommunication, a door that he’d never wanted to have opened to him yet he’d been invited inside.

 

He should say no, but Hyunjin wasn’t the boy Seungmin had fought in the love war for and lost. Hyunjin wasn’t the boy who was leaving for Australia by the end of the week. Hyunjin wasn’t the boy cryptically telling him _I shouldn’t have turned you down_ when it was far too late to change things.

 

He should say no, but… “Yes,” Seungmin replied. It was as simple as that. “Yes.” The syllable left his mouth hardly louder than a breath but he said it with every ounce of his conviction. For once, his thoughts and the words that had come out of his mouth had aligned. “I want to go with you.”

 

There was silence in the kitchen for a long, heavy moment. Seungmin couldn’t hear anything but his own pulse pounding in his ears. At first, he feared that he had still somehow managed to say the wrong thing but then, slowly but surely, Hyunjin began to smile. Small at first but then wide and bright and happy. That smile that only seemed to be reserved for Seungmin. Hyunjin whispered, “Come here.”

 

Seungmin slid off of the bar stool and took one, two, three steps closer to Hyunjin. For once, he felt no fear. He put his hands on the side of the injured boy’s face, being extra careful not to put his fingers too roughly against his bandages. When Hyunjin touched him, just the lightest grip on his waist, Seungmin didn’t feel afraid. This wasn’t anywhere close to what he’d dreamed of but… this could work, right? This could be equally great. Right? What was the alternative? Wait a million years for Felix to come back? Seungmin started to lean forward, bringing their faces together, but then he stopped. He asked, “You won’t run away this time?”

 

Hyunjin shook his head. Very subtly. Seungmin felt him push against his hands more than saw him move. “Not anymore,” Hyunjin said. He leaned forward to bridge the gap between but then he paused a mere breath away. “You won’t run away?”

 

 _I’ve never run away_ , Seungmin almost said but he knew that was a lie. He had run away with every chance he got. He had run away from that smile every single time. He’d run away from that letter. He’d run away from that weird little tingle in his chest. But… “Not anymore,” he replied.

 

And then they kissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp.


	19. In Which Jisung Helps

“We could burn and crash.

We could take a chance,

Holdin’ nothin’ back

Like it’s our last dance.”

 

Last Dance by Dua Lipa

  
  


Neither of them ran away.

 

In fact, they ran towards each other. Colliding. Mouths crashing. Eyes fluttering closed. Hearts beating in rapid tandem. Never in Seungmin’s life had something that should have been an accident feel so purposeful. It was something he didn’t realize until right then but… he  _ meant _ this. He needed to do this. Seungmin dragged a hand away from Hyunjin’s face and it found a new home at the base of the boy’s neck.

 

_ What is this _ , Seungmin thought.  _ Why do I feel like I’m upside down when this isn’t what I’ve been dreaming of? _

 

It wasn’t. But… it felt just as good.

 

Hyunjin pulled Seungmin closer. They were already close but now they were  _ close _ and the brand new intimacy made Seungmin feel like he was catching fire. Like he was becoming untied and was a second from just floating away. The kiss was gentle yet explosive. A contradiction that made perfect sense despite how little sense it made. Seungmin pulled away--but only a little bit--to catch his breath. “Wow,” he gasped out. All of his skin seemed to be tingling. It didn’t feel like his feet were on the ground. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

 

“What were you expecting?” Hyunjin wondered. 

 

_ Felix _ , the thought shot into Seungmin’s head almost by instinct. “Something different,” he said aloud. He just wanted to leave it at that, maybe go back to kissing, but--

 

“Different how?” Hyunjin’s voice was quiet. Strained. The tiniest bit of worry darted across his face.

 

The question was innocent enough but Seungmin felt like he was under direct attack. Even he wasn’t sure why he was still thinking of Felix, still wondering and hoping and wanting and reaching. There was no way he could tell Hyunjin that so he had to say something else. Anything else. A million lies burst into his head, a million subject changes, but he didn’t trust his mouth to speak them so he told the truth: “I didn’t think I would like you so much.”

 

Hyunjin’s smile was so tiny but it meant so much. “I didn’t think I would like  _ you _ so much.”

 

Seungmin let out a nervous laugh and glanced towards the floor. “You’re just saying that.”

 

“I mean it,” Hyunjin insisted. To prove it, he wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s middle and pulled him into a hug. He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t have to.

 

Seungmin draped his arms around Hyunjin’s shoulders and propped his chin up in the crook of the boy’s neck, something he could only do because Hyunjin was still sitting. Without realizing it, Seungmin let out a content sigh. It just felt so nice to be hugged. To be warm. Hyunjin’s heart beat so hard that Seungmin could feel it in his own chest. Like he had two hearts as if this were Doctor Who. Seungmin wanted time to stop so that they could stay like this. He mumbled, “I think I started liking you in the hallway that day. Outside of the cafeteria.”

 

“Was it the candy that won you over?”

 

Shamelessly, Seungmin hummed, “Mmhmm.”

 

Hyunjin let out a soft chuckle. “I’ll buy you all of the candy, then.”

 

Seungmin let his eyes drift closed and he relaxed against Hyunjin’s frame. This was nice and, for the first time, he let himself believe that this didn’t have to be Felix for it to be alright. It was okay even though it was Hyunjin. It was okay  _ because _ it was Hyunjin.

 

“What are you thinking about,” Hyunjin asked. That question again.

 

This time, though, Seungmin wasn’t ashamed to say, “You.”

 

Hyunjin held him just a little bit tighter. Seungmin wouldn’t have felt it if he weren’t already so used to the quiet, subtle way Hyunjin expressed himself. Seungmin caught himself realizing that he’d already picked up on many of the boy’s habits: his miniature smiles, his gentle motions, his tiny voice. None of it should have made sense with a boy so tall, a boy who could move and fight with the might of a professional, a boy who could get so loud and angry at school when provoked, so why did his quiet make sense? Why did Seungmin  _ understand _ him?

 

On the countertop, Seungmin’s phone began to ring, blaring the raucous chorus of a Babymetal song into the hush of the kitchen. Not exactly romantic but it was one of his favorites, so--

 

Hyunjin shifted a bit. “It’s Jihyo calling.”

 

Ten minutes ago, Seungmin would have killed for a chance to get out of here. But now… “So?” 

 

“She’s probably waiting for you.” Hyunjin dropped his arms from around Seungmin’s waist and began to stand up. “Don’t you have to go?” 

 

“Hold up.” Seungmin pushed his face a bit more into the side of Hyunjin’s neck. Anything to try to keep him still. “I don’t want to leave.”

 

“You have to. There’s school.” Hyunjin stood up anyway, forcing Seungmin to get up on his tiptoes just to keep his chin on Hyunjin’s neck. In their awkward position, they waddled closer to the kitchen island. Hyunjin grabbed Seungmin’s still-ringing phone from off of the counter. “Don’t let it go to voicemail.”

 

Reluctantly, Seungmin peeled himself away from Hyunjin and pulled his phone from out of the boy’s extended hand. He put it on speaker. “Hello?”

 

“The housekeeper made buttermilk biscuits,” said Jihyo by way of greeting. “They were so tasty.”

 

Seungmin grinned. “Ahh, sweet! Did you bring me any?”

 

Jihyo scoffed. “And risk getting crumbs on  _ these _ seats?”

 

Seungmin’s whole face fell. “So that’s a no? Then why tell me?” 

 

“Because they were amazing and I thought you should know.”

 

“Jihyo!” Seungmin whined pitifully.

 

Hyunjin raised a hand to his mouth and snickered.

 

“Make your own biscuits,” complained Jihyo. “We got the recipe from your mom, remember?”

 

Seungmin groaned. He knew she wasn’t calling just to gloat about warm bread. “My twenty minutes are up already?”

 

“We’re about to pull up outside. We have to get back before first period is over so stop your lewd activities and get out here.”

 

“Lewd activities?” Seungmin repeated, glancing up at Hyunjin. He suddenly wished that he didn’t have her on speaker. “We’re not even touching.”

 

“Sure,” she dragged out the syllable, clearly teasing. “Get outside.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Seungmin griped. He hung up and then met Hyunjin’s eyes. “Well, you heard her. Gotta go.”

 

Hyunjin led him out of the kitchen and back across the living room. Now that he was no longer nervous, Seungmin could pay attention to the room and its many abstract and expensive-looking paintings and the shelf of framed photographs, a few of which featured Hyunjin in a boxing ring, gloves held high and squaring off against a taller, larger man who shared many of his facial features. His older brother? Hyunjin said, “I’m glad you came to visit. You wouldn’t be my boyfriend now if you hadn’t.”

 

“Well,” Seungmin vocalized, eyes wide. Mom had called Hyunjin his boyfriend a dozen times. So had Woojin and Jihyo and even Jisung. But hearing Hyunjin say the b-word out of his own mouth felt different. It felt real. No longer impossible. He swallowed hard, suddenly overstimulated as if he were back at the amusement park going on the roller coaster one too many times and on the verge of vibrating right out of his skin. “I’m glad I came over, too.” By then, they had reached the front door. Seungmin knelt to the floor to shove his feet in his shoes. “Did you want to hang out after school,” asked Seungmin. He never ever thought he’d want to  _ spend time _ with Hyunjin, yet here he was asking to do that very thing.

 

“Hmmm.” Hyunjin rubbed the heel of his palm beneath his eye. He still looked sleepy. He was probably ready for a nap. Seungmin hoped he hadn’t interrupted the boy’s sleep with his arrival. “It depends on how far I get into this make-up homework.” With his free hand, Hyunjin pushed open the front door only to flinch and spin away from the early morning sunlight pouring in. “I’ll call you in the afternoon so try to pay attention in class.”

 

“I can’t promise you that.” Seungmin stood up and then started out of the door only to hesitate at the threshold. He looked up at Hyunjin. “See you.”

 

“Bye-bye.”

 

Seungmin took a step out onto the front landing only to pause again. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just leave. It felt like there was something missing. He glanced over at Hyunjin. The sleepy boy was leaning against the doorframe with his eyes half-closed. The feeling that Seungmin had forgotten something was now even stronger but he couldn’t place the source. His phone was in his pocket and it was the only thing he had brought with him since all of his other stuff should still be in class with Jisung. Oh well. Seungmin sighed and turned away. This time, however, it was Hyunjin’s hand around his wrist that made him stop.

 

Hyunjin tugged him back and then pressed a light, chaste kiss on his cheek.

 

Now Seungmin knew what he had been waiting for. That was it! However brief it was, that was what had been missing. A kiss! “Get well soon,” Seungmin said, walking backwards across the front landing.

 

“I feel better now that I’ve seen you,” said Hyunjin.

 

To think, a day or so ago and Seungmin would have gagged after hearing such a line. Now he just felt cherished. “And get some sleep!”

 

Wordlessly, Hyunjin nodded and gave him one last wave.

 

Seungmin grinned, spun around and skipped down the driveway. The gate at the end of the lot slid open as he approached it, revealing the glacier-white car parked at the curb. The driver already had the back door open and waiting for him.

 

“Finally,” Jihyo called out from the backseat. “We have to get a move on.”

 

Seungmin slid inside and clicked on his seatbelt as the driver shut the door.

 

“So how did it go, ” she asked, not even looking up from her phone. Based on the sound, she was watching a music video. The Maserati swiftly pulled away from the curb and took them back through the ritzy neighborhood.

 

Seungmin leaned back in his seat. He was still all jittery and excitable as if his blood had been replaced with sugar water. “Well, I had only intended to go in there to see how he was doing...”

 

Jihyo looked over at him, spotted the grin on his face and then nudged him in the shoulder. “And?”

 

“And we… started talking,” Seungmin lowered his voice, oddly embarrassed.

 

“And,” Jihyo prompted, leaning in.

 

Seungmin looked away from her inquisitive eyes. He felt childishly giddy for some reason. “And we’re kinda sorta official now. Like,  _ really  _ fucking official.”

 

“Shut the front door,” Jihyo squealed, slapping him so hard on the shoulder that Seungmin was positive he lost a life.

 

“He asked, I answered,” Seungmin said through gritted teeth, rubbing his sore shoulder.

 

“Aww, that’s so damn cute,” cooed Jihyo. “Look at you. Taking initiative and actually telling boys that you like them for once!” She put away her phone to give him her full attention.

 

“It doesn’t always work out,” Seungmin said quickly. He thought about the boys that came before. “Sometimes, it’s better not to tell.”

 

“That’s why it’s even more special that you told  _ this _ boy.”

 

“Is it?” He leaned his head back against the seat. “Nothing much really happened, though. He was like ‘Do you wanna go out?’ and I was like ‘Yeah’ and that’s kind of all it took.” The thought crossed his mind that it should have been that easy with Felix. But it hadn’t been. It had been complicated and prickly and he was no longer sure he could have done anything different to change the outcome.

 

“Really, that’s adorable, Seungmin.”

 

“Adorable,” Seungmin mimicked her. “That’s not the word I’d choose. Awesome would be better. Or cool. Ridiculous, even. Fucking nuts!”

 

“It’s adorable,” Jihyo confirmed, not letting him live.

 

They had reached the security checkpoint at the entrance of the neighborhood by then. Like before, the guard waved them through the gate and the car accelerated down the tree-lined street and out past the country club. Seungmin took in a deep breath, held it and then let it out. He became consciously aware of the thrum of his pulse through his body and the air moving through his lungs. Today didn’t felt real. The bright blue sky, the puffy white clouds, the sun shining in the east. The breeze whistling past on the other side of the car window. The tingle on his cheek where he was positive that he could still feel Hyunjin’s mouth. It all seemed like a dream but Seungmin knew he was wide awake and smiling.

 

Seungmin blurted out, “What do you think of him?”

 

Jihyo had been picking at her nails. She looked up. “Who? Hyunjin?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“He’s cool or whatever. I mean… I’ve known him since we were kids so I guess he’s alright.”

 

“You don’t think he’s the embodiment of pure evil?”

 

Jihyo furrowed her eyebrows. “No.”

 

“What about a monster? Do you think he’s a monster?”

 

“No.”

 

“But he’s like… a total delinquent who gets into fights all of the fucking time and sleeps in class and shit.”

 

“You sound exactly like Woojin.”

 

“Yikes.” Never again.

 

Jihyo snorted back a laugh. “What’s all of this about?”

 

“I think I’m still trying to talk myself out of it? I don’t know.”

 

“It’s a bit too late to back out now, don’t you think?”

 

“I’m just scared, you know,” Seungmin stated. “Not of him... but of what everyone else thinks of him.”

 

“We all think of people differently. Woojin’s your annoying older brother, right? But to me, he’s the love of my life. It’s the same with Hyunjin.” Jihyo sighed and then went back to picking at her nails. “Everybody at school sees some good-for-nothing brute. I see a boy trying to be just like his big bro… only he’s not going about it in the safest or smartest way. You see someone who makes you grin like a lovesick fool.”

 

Seungmin straightened out his face. Or tried to. For a moment. His grin found its way back, though.

 

“It’s all about perception,” Jihyo told him. “And if other people can’t see what you see, don’t let it stop you if it’s what your heart wants.”

 

Hyunjin’s own words sprang to Seungmin’s mind:  _ You know I’m more than that. That’s not all of me _ . Out loud, he said, “I dreamed about it all of the time but I don’t know what my heart wants.”

 

“Most of us don’t, Seungmin.”

 

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

 

“Who does?”

 

Her response wasn’t very helpful but, at the same time, it helped a lot. Seungmin didn’t know what he was doing. At first, he thought he was just playing around, but now he was having difficulty figuring out if he was developing genuine feelings. Seungmin didn’t really know how he was going to work through this… but maybe it was okay not to know. Maybe it was okay to get a little lost. “I did know what my heart wanted.” Felix. Felix Felix Felix Felix Felix. “I  _ thought _ I knew, anyway. And this wasn’t how I pictured it, but...”

 

“There are some things you can’t plan out,” Jihyo said. She gave him her full attention again. “You keep saying stuff about dreaming and planning and picturing but life isn’t always that easy. Sometimes you need a backup plan for your backup plan for your backup plan. Other times, things click on the first two tries. There’s no way of knowing. And falling in love?” She laughed. “Falling in love is something totally different. You think you’ve got your little list of wishes and preferences all sorted out but then what’s in front of you isn’t anything you thought you would ever like.”

 

Seungmin exhaled. This conversation was getting heavier than he’d intended. It was too early in the morning for this. “There’s a whole lot that I wasn’t thinking about. What if--”

 

“It’s been all of, what, ten minutes since you two got serious?” Jihyo put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine. It’s not going to be perfect, nothing ever is, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.”

 

“I just thought it would be different from this.”

 

Jihyo shook him. “Seungmin!” Her voice was firm. “He likes you and you like him, right?” Her words were such a perfect mirror of his mother’s that he wondered if the two women had had a similar conversation to this. Perhaps they’d discussed Woojin in such a way.

 

“I guess. I mean… Yes.” He thought of how his heart got all mixed up every time he saw Hyunjin smile at him. “I do.” He thought of the way Hyunjin looked at him, held him. “He does.”

 

“Then that’s all you need to know.”

 

This was going to trouble him. “But he’s not--” Seungmin stopped himself by biting on his thumbnail and staring out the window. They were passing the marina now. Ahead of them, the downtown buildings were coming into view on the other side of the hills and trees. School was but a handful of minutes away now. He said, “None of this is what I expected. A week ago, I never would have given him a second look.”

 

“That’s how it gets you,” Jihyo commented. “You’re just minding your own business and then-- _ BAM _ !--you’ve caught feelings.”

 

Seungmin turned to look at her. “Was that how it was with my brother?”

 

Jihyo pursed her lips and thought it through. “You could say. I mean, never in my life would I ever think I’d fall for some nerdy dork in ugly glasses who spends fifteen minutes ironing every wrinkle out of his shirt in the mornings but then I turn around and I’m in love. Then I turn around again and it’s been about four years and he’s switched glasses and everything is fine.” She sighed wistfully, a small smile curling at the corners of her mouth. “Who you like is not really something you can choose.”

 

It was a pretty big statement and the meaning behind it made Seungmin’s palms get all sweaty. He had tried very hard to choose. He had tried very hard to line things up and make it all work between him and Felix but that just clearly wasn’t going to happen. The boy had rejected him and he was moving far away soon. Wouldn’t it be better if Seungmin just… got serious about Hyunjin?

 

“Don’t get too caught up in the nitty-gritty,” Jihyo warned. She had noticed his troubled expression. “You can’t think your way through feelings. You have to feel your way through feelings. How do you  _ feel _ , Seungmin?”

 

He decided to turn the question on her. “How do you feel when you’re with Woojin?”

 

Presented with such a question, Jihyo’s cheeks got a little red. Hastily, she pushed her hair behind her ear and looked out of the window. “Well, when he’s not being annoying, he and I just connect. He laughs at my dumb jokes and he adores the very things about myself that I consider my flaws… He makes me feel special and when I’m with him, it’s like I’m floating. It’s like my feet don’t touch the ground.”

 

“And when you hold each other, it’s like you’re sharing heartbeats,” Seungmin offered, recalling his own moment with Hyunjin.

 

“Exactly,” Jihyo agreed. “See? You know more about this than you think.”

 

Seungmin swallowed the sudden knot that had formed in his throat. Was it odd that the main reason he was so afraid, so hesitant, was because things were going so well? He thought of the boys in his past and how things were never easy because the guys he liked always liked someone else or, even worse, would only-- _ could _ only--like him as a friend. All of those boys had messed with his heart in some way. Even Haknyeon had liked him and, rather remorselessly, dropped him and moved on. So why was it that when he was faced with something that was simple and problem-free, he panicked? Was he  _ that _ used to things being hard for him? Was he that used to quietly liking someone on his own, pining and hurting and dreaming?

 

The car pulled up in front of their high school. The driver was already getting out in preparation to open their doors. If Seungmin was going to ask this, he had mere seconds left. He had asked his brother about this but he had yet to ask Jihyo directly. “What are you going to do when summer ends? How are you and Woojin going to handle it?”

 

Jihyo, who had gathered her belongings and was about to step out of the door, turned to look at him with an oddly blank face. Seungmin felt guilty for asking but then she smiled again. Even if it looked a little forced. “Maybe Woojin and I can manage something long-distance? We’ve been solid this long, surely we can handle being a couple of hours apart.”

 

“I’m sure you can,” Seungmin said hopefully.

 

The weight of the future hung heavy over them as the silence thickened. Seungmin once again wished that he hadn’t asked her something like that. Before the mood could turn completely rotten, Jihyo got out of the car.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“Something good must have happened to you today,” said Jisung.

 

Seungmin looked up the flight of stairs, spotting his friend by the top. “How can you tell?” 

 

“You’re grinning like a loon and singing Five Seconds of Summer.”

 

“What? What are you talking about?” Had he really been doing that? He hadn’t even noticed! Seungmin slapped a hand over his mouth but, obviously, it was far too late to hide his smile. “No. It’s just a normal, regular day.”

 

Jisung smirked knowingly. “Let me guess, it’s got something to do with Hyunjin?”

 

Seungmin let out a choked noise. “Pssh. No.”

 

“So he  _ does _ have something to do with your good mood. That’s what I thought.”

 

“No, no, no. I’m just happy for super ordinary reasons.” 

 

“So... Hyunjin,” Jisung stated. It was no longer a question. He pushed himself off of the wall of the stairwell and blocked Seungmin’s path to the second floor landing. “But enough about that.”

 

Seungmin realized something. “Wait… What are you doing out here?” He lowered his hand from in front of his mouth. He checked the time on his phone. “Didn’t second period start like five minutes ago?” Seungmin could understand why he was late for class. He and Jihyo had only just got back into the building. Yet Jisung shouldn’t have a reason to be outside of 2-F. He was a slacker, sure, but he preferred to slack off in his seat. “Why are you at the stairs?”

 

“I was waiting on you.”

 

“Why? What’s going on?” Seungmin wondered if something had happened in class while he was gone.

 

“Your mission,” Jisung intoned, “should you choose to accept it--”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I didn’t finish the--”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But I haven’t even told you what I want to do!”

 

“Let’s do it. Whatever it is.”

 

“Did you just agree to fucking smoke crack with me?”

 

“Yeah. Sure. No reason not to.”

 

“Best friend…”

 

“I know you’re joking, dude. So what’s the mission?”

 

Jisung stepped down the last few stairs that separated them so that he could half-whisper into Seungmin’s ear. “I want to hook Mr. Ok up with the art teacher.”

 

Gasping, Seungmin said, “Oh, I’m definitely in. What’s the plan?”

 

“We write a letter, say it’s from him and leave it on her desk when she’s not there.”

 

“Genius,” Seungmin said. “I love letters.” He turned around, heading back down the stairs. “Let’s go.”

 

Jisung grabbed him by the shoulder. “Dude, I meant  _ after _ class.”

 

“Why wait?” Seungmin looked up at him. “You said we’ll leave the note while she’s not there, right? Class is in session. She’s not in the lounge.”

 

“But… I was just suggesting--”

 

“We’re already halfway there. Onwards!” Seungmin charged on down the stairs.

 

Reluctantly, Jisung followed after him. “I was thinking we could just duck in between classes and--”

 

“We just need to be--” Seungmin shot his voice down to a dramatic, low octave, “-- _ sneaky _ .”

 

With each step down the stairs Seungmin took, more and more of the school crumbled away around him. Day turned to night. The temperature dropped steadily until he could almost see his breath with each exhale. A Japanese castle rose up out of the ground around him, the wooden walls faintly lit by orange lantern light and its slanted roofs reaching up to the moonless sky. The lush bonsai garden, expertly planned and planted, formed numerous shadows along the castle grounds that were perfectly sized for stealth. When Seungmin reached the bottom of the stairs, he was no longer in the school but just inside the gates of the heavily-guarded fortress of a tyrannical shogun who was in desperate need of assassination. As he moved down the hall, grass began to grow up through the tile floors and colorful wildflowers bloomed in clusters next to the outer stone walls. Seungmin’s steps became slower and more methodical, lighter and quieter. His school uniform morphed into an all-black cloth ensemble which allowed him to blend into the shadows with ease. He put a steadying hand on the grip of the  _ wakazashi _ sheathed behind his waist and ducked behind the thick trunk of a cherry blossom tree. He peered around the corner. Two of the shogun’s armed guards were standing midway into the garden, conversing.

 

One was tall but wiry. The other was short and small but there was something about his fierce posture that filled Seungmin with a mild sense of dread.

 

He could take them. Maybe not head on. If he got a little close and slipped in from the tree line, he could slit their throats from behind. He tightened his grip on the handle of his sword but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

 

“We must go for a non-lethal approach,” whispered Jisung, right behind him.

 

Seungmin turned his head to look at him. His friend was also clad head to toe in black, a fearsome katana strapped to his hip. Seungmin looked back up the garden at the intimidating samurai blocking their path. “You always like to do things on hard mode.”

 

“It’s more fun.”

 

Crouching, they slipped down the hallway on quiet feet, making sure to keep a precarious stack of smooth, round stones between them and the guard’s line of sight. Their destination was the entrance to the castle, on the other side of the garden, and this was a dangerous place to stop. But there was no way past the guards. Not even a conveniently located hut that he could climb onto the roof of and slip past them on.

 

Seungmin went for his sword again.

 

“No,” Jisung hissed into his ear. “Become a true ghost. You can’t attack or be spotted. Just get to the objective.”

 

“Ugh, screw hard. More like nightmare mode,” Seungmin mumbled. He knew that the second he got out from cover, the guards would spot him and he would enter combat. It would basically be game over. Did he have a coin he could toss? The sound of it hitting the wall would make the perfect distraction. Seungmin searched his pockets but he had nothing small that he could throw.

 

Fortunately, the guards ended their conversation and went their separate ways. The tall one went around the corner ahead of them and out of sight, the smaller one circled back towards the two hiding ninjas.

 

They were spotted pretty much immediately. The guard let out an undignified squawk and jumped back in fright, “What are you two doing?”

 

Seungmin did a pretty sloppy forward somersault and then darted past the dumbstruck guard making whooshing noises. “Invisibility jutsu!”

 

“Are you okay,” the guard asked him. And then, to the other ninja, “Jisung, is Seungmin okay?”

 

“He’s fine, Felix,” Jisung replied.

 

“You can’t see me,” Seungmin hissed. “Smoke bomb!” He threw an imaginary smoke bomb at the ground and, with the castle garden filling with smoke and blinding the guard, he did another somersault and then pressed himself up against a boulder farther into the garden. He seemed to have gotten away cleanly and he let himself relax. Ahead of him was a wooden bridge, painted a bright red and curving over a shallow, gently babbling river. He made a run for it. The halfway point. The little icon in the top-right hand corner of the screen let him know the game was auto-saving.

 

Jisung, already tired of their ninja-ing, walked normally down the hall and past Felix.

 

Felix asked, “Where are you guys going?”

 

“Well, what are you doing?” Jisung shot back, folding his arms across his chest.

 

“The teacher wanted copies of the handouts made.” Felix waved the sheaf of paper he was carrying in his hands. He repeated, “Where are you two going?”

 

“Secret mission,” Seungmin stage-whispered.

 

Felix said, “I’m going with you.”

 

Seungmin and Jisung simultaneously went, “What?”

 

“This is two player co-op only,” said Jisung. He doubled his pace to catch up with Seungmin.

 

“Then I’m an NPC,” Felix decided, following him. “You need me for the mission.”

 

While the other two conversed, Seungmin got to the other side of the bridge and passed through a side door into the castle. He checked the hall in either direction. The coast was clear. If he had memorized the map properly, the shogun’s personal quarters were somewhere along this hall. Shit! He was so focused on his joy after getting through the garden unscathed that he didn’t realize another armed guard was walking right towards him! Seungmin flattened his body against the wall, hoping the shadows would provide enough camouflage. The guard slowed down on their patrol, made a noise of confusion and then seemed to peer right through the darkness and straight at Seungmin. Then, after a tense pause, he shook his head, tsked, and continued walking. Seungmin relaxed. Phew, bless dumb enemy AI. It had just saved his life. He made a mad dash for the end of the hall. 

 

“Seungmin,” Jisung spat out his name.

 

Seungmin looked behind him. His brother-in-arms was coming up the hallway with the samurai from earlier in tow, his kimono the color of smoldering embers. Was he a traitor, perhaps? Or an agent aiding them in their assassination attempt? “Send him on. He’ll only distract me. Us. He’ll only distract  _ us _ .”

 

“He wants to help,” Jisung explained.

 

“By doing what,” Seungmin rightfully asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Jisung admitted. “How are you going to help?”

 

“I just want to be here,” Felix said.

 

“He just wants to be here,” Jisung relayed the message.   
  


“I can hear,” Seungmin told him. He hopped to the other side of the hallway and peered through the crack in the door to what appeared to be some sort of war room. From his vantage point, it appeared as if the desks were unoccupied despite how cluttered the strategy tables were. He slid the door open all of the way and then somersaulted inside. Behind him, Jisung and Felix walked normally into the room and then the red haired samurai slid the door shut behind them. “So where’s the letter?” Seungmin asked, holding out his hand.

 

“What letter?” Jisung wondered.

 

“The  _ letter _ ,” Seungmin clarified.

 

Jisung frowned. “There is no letter. I didn’t have time to write one because someone that I know, I forgot his name, wanted to do cartwheels down the hall like a cheerleader.”

 

Seungmin groaned. Way to break character, Jisung. Damn. “Then we’ll have to improvise.” He glanced around, his ninja-ing forgotten. The Japanese castle faded away. They were in the long and narrow teacher’s lounge properly now with sunlight beaming in through all of the windows. “That’s her desk,” he pointed towards the back row.

 

“How do you know,” asked Felix.

 

“Do you know how often I get called in here to get grilled by the math teacher because of my shit grades,” Seungmin asked rhetorically. He puffed up his chest proudly. “I know where all of the teachers sit in here.” He pointed to the desk closest to the door. “Mr. Lee, Mr. Seo, Miss Jung, Mr. Jeon, Mr. Kwak.” He went around the room, aiming a finger at each desk in turn. “Miss Ji, Mr. Jo, Miss Son, Miss Choi, Mr. Kim, the other Mr. Kim, Miss Kang, Miss-”

 

“Okay, okay, okay,” Jisung surrendered. “Let’s hurry up and get our asses out of here. We need paper and a pen.”

 

“Here,” Felix offered. He wandered over to the printer at the other side of the room and opened up one of the paper trays. 

 

Seungmin put a finger between his eyebrows. “My spiritual connection to Mr. Ok makes me feel like he writes in blue ink with wide, sloppy strokes and everything leans hard to the right.” 

 

“Spiritual connection, my foot,” Jisung huffed. “We just get him to write tardy excuses for us all of the time.”

 

“You’re spoiling everything, you know,” said Seungmin. He moved down the row to the chemistry teacher’s spot and was about to snatch a pen from out of the box on the desk when Jisung lunged towards him, grabbing his arm.

 

“Oh no, you can’t write it.”

 

Seungmin was hurt. “Why not? I love letters. You  _ know _ I love letters.”

 

“Exactly! You’ll write something flowery and over the top.”

 

“Isn’t that what we want?” Seungmin didn’t understand.

 

“This is Mr. Ok we’re talking about,” Jisung reminded him. “The definition of stiff and uncool.”

 

“You’ve got a point.”

 

“I’ll write it then,” Felix said. He was very suddenly beside Seungmin, pulling the blue pen out of his hand.

 

Seungmin startled. He hadn’t even noticed the guy step away from the printer which was odd because he usually always knew where Felix was in a room; his face turned towards him like how flowers turned their petals to the sun. 

 

“What are you going to write?” Jisung asked him.

 

“I don’t know.” Felix uncapped the pen and let the tip hover over the page.

 

“Dear Miss Kim,” Seungmin prompted when the silence stretched on a little long.

 

“Too formal,” Jisung scratched the idea. “To Yubin. No, wait. Just Yubin.” 

 

“Okay.” Felix wrote the name at the top of the page. 

 

Seungmin started things off. “Whenever I see you in the hall, I view the world in color. When I can’t find you, my world is only black and white.”

 

Felix looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“See? That’s the issue right there,” Jisung announced. “No way in hell does Mr. Ok think like that! Even if he’s smitten.”

 

“How about this,” Felix began, turning his attention back to the letter. “You’re a great and wonderful person.” He scribbled down the words as he spoke.

 

Seungmin really got into it. “I think of each time you look at me out of the corner of your eye when you think I’m not paying attention and I can’t sleep at night wondering if I’m imagining things, if it’s all just harmless coincidence, or if there really is something there, something between us that we can nurture and grow and watch mature.”

 

“I think we have a connection,” Felix slowly translated. His hand flew over the page as he wrote. “And I like it when we spend time together.”

 

Jisung gasped. “That works. Oh my god. Okay, keep doing that, you two.”

 

Seungmin continued, “All of this time, I thought I was incapable of feeling any emotion. I thought I was incapable of love… but seeing you over these last few months has softened me and with my every waking moment, all I want to do is hold and protect you. Look out for you and comfort you.”

 

Felix looked up at Seungmin again. A little bit longer this time. His expression subtly different. He reworded Seungmin’s spiel, “I think you’re neat.” He started to write it but then stopped. “Wait. No. I think you’re…”

 

“I think you’re  _ spiffy _ ,” Jisung contributed.

 

“Perfect.” Felix jotted down the word.

 

Jisung leaned over Felix’s shoulder to monitor his progress. “A little bit sloppier,” he suggested. “Make your next line a little more sideways. Cram it in  _ really _ close to the edge.”

 

“He’s not that bad at writing, is he?” Felix had to ask.

 

“He’s a healthcare practitioner,” explained Jisung. “His handwriting is nutso by default.” He looked over at Seungmin and gave him a wave. “Okay, continue.” 

 

Seungmin put a hand over his heart, truly in the groove now. “Every time I see you is like a fresh new start on life. A drink from an oasis when I’m dying in a desert. A cleansing baptism when I’m dripping in sin. A spark of fire when I’m freezing in the wilderness.”

 

“Liking you is very refreshing and I want there to be more to our relationship,” Felix said aloud. He followed Jisung’s advice by shoving the sentence right up against the edge of the page, making the last word nearly illegible before sliding down to the next line.

 

“These hallways that haven’t changed, these stairs that haven’t changed, these rooms that haven’t changed.” Seungmin stared up at the ceiling, temporarily forgetting that he was writing this from the lovesick nurse’s perspective. “Our environment is the same today as it was yesterday. A week ago. A month ago. Yet, when I think of you, turning every corner becomes an adventure. Thanks to you, I see my life through brand new eyes.”

 

Once again, Felix glanced up at Seungmin. An unreadable emotion flitted across his face. Jisung saw it. Hastily, he translated, “You make this shit job worth it.”

 

“Yeah, that works,” Felix said distractedly. He glanced back down at the paper. “Can I say shit? Can I put that down?”

 

“Crappy,” Jisung corrected himself. “He’d say crappy.”

 

“Is it alright if I mark it out? Do I need a new sheet of paper?”

 

Jisung shook his head. “No. It’ll be more authentic. Okay. One more line, Seungmin. Quick!”

 

Now it was Seungmin’s turn to look at Felix. At his handsome, sharp profile and the cute way he stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he waited patiently for the next line. This was it. This was a message aimed directly at its recipient. No need for a letter. Seungmin said, “I’ve always dreamed of the opportunity to tie our hearts together. I wake up and I plan cute ways to run into you in the shallow hope that you’ll think of me even for a  _ second _ of your day. I keep myself up at night wondering if you’ve ever dreamed of me and I panic because what if I run out of time? What if I keep going on like this never knowing what we could be?” 

 

Silence filled the room. Felix looked up from the note and met Seungmin’s eyes.

 

Jisung thrust his way into the tension. “Will you go out with me?” He took a step back to put his body into Felix’s field of view. “Write that down and sign it Taecyeon. Hurry. We have to get back to class.”

 

“Okay, it’s done,” said Felix. He dropped the blue pen and stepped away from the letter as if it were something dangerous that might burn him.

 

“Wait, wait, no. One more thing!” Seungmin stepped forward.

 

“Now what?” Jisung moaned.

 

“This won’t take long. An elephant will work, right?” 

 

“What the hell are you talking about,” Felix wondered.

 

Seungmin slid the letter in front of him and started folding it with quick, sharp movements.

 

“We don’t have time for you to do your origami,” Jisung chastised.

 

“Too late, we’re already this far in,” Seungmin grumbled, folding the letter and folding it again and again. Minutes passed. Both Jisung and Felix leaned in close to watch Seungmin as he worked. Beneath his steady fingers, the paper seemed to shrink and expand, morph and change. From square to kite to triangle to diamond to, impossibly, a tiny little elephant. Seungmin held up his creation with a proud grin. “This is cute, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “It’s cute. It’s artsy. She’ll love it.” He jogged to the back of the room and sat it front and center on the art teacher’s desk. “Okay,  _ now _ we can go.”

 

“If the teacher says anything,” said Felix, “I’ll say that you two helped me with the machine. I was pressing the wrong buttons or something.”

 

“Gotcha,” Jisung confirmed. “Get your asses in gear before we get caught.”

 

The trio darted out of the room and made their way out into the first floor hallway. They crouched beneath the window in the door to the dean’s office and slipped around the corner. They had just crawled by the library and were about to slip past the student store when Felix stood up. “Wait. Why are we sneaking around?” He laughed. “I have a hall pass.”

 

Jisung stood up with a nervous chuckle. “Force of habit, I guess.”

 

They rounded the next corner and would have been almost at the stairs scot-free if Seungmin hadn’t bumped into a certain bespectacled older brother. Seungmin held his breath, staring wide-eyed.

 

“Oh, excuse me,” Woojin said, not paying attention. His eyes were on the big book he had open in his hands. Some kind of exam prep workbook. He started to side-step the boys but then he glanced up, looked back down and then whipped his head up. “Seungmin? What are you doing out of class?” He moved in front of his brother. “Did you get sent out into the hall again? I swear, if you--”

 

“We have a hall pass,” Seungmin cut him off. He pointed at Felix.

 

Felix stood there staring blankly for a second and then, “Oh.” He fished the small wooden rectangle out from under the sheaf of papers and held it up. “We had to make copies?” Why did he pose it as a question?

 

“It took all of you?” Woojin asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“He didn’t know how to work the copier,” Jisung explained quickly, salvaging the situation.

 

Woojin narrowed his eyes but, for the most part, it seemed like he believed the story. “I haven’t seen you around before,” Woojin looked at Felix. “You look like a decent person capable of making responsible choices. Don’t hang out with these two too much.” He pointed at Jisung and then at Seungmin. “They’re a terrible influence. They’ll corrupt you.”

 

“Hey now,” Seungmin said defensively. “His other friends are worse than we are!”

 

Jisung snickered.

 

Felix shrugged. “True.”

 

“Fine.” Woojin huffed. He took another step around them and it really did seem like he was about to walk away without screwing everything up but then he stopped again. “Seungmin?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Is your boyfriend still coming to dinner tomorrow?”

 

Seungmin felt like he’d just been shot through the heart. He almost said  _ He’s not my boyfriend _ but, for the very first time, that wasn’t true. “I don’t know yet.”

 

Woojin kept on. “If he’s coming over, Mom wants you to clean your room.”

 

“Does Mom want me to clean my room or do  _ you _ want me to clean my room?”

 

“Is he coming over or not?” Woojin said hotly.

 

“I don’t know. He hasn’t given me a yes or no.” As if on cue, Seungmin’s phone chirped with a notification. He took it out of his phone and checked it. “Oh. He sent a text. I really should put this thing on vibrate so it won’t go off in class. What kind of chocolate do I like? That’s a dangerous question.” Seungmin looked up. “I’ll have to ask him about tomorrow again. Why do you care if he comes over or not? Don’t you hate him?”

 

Woojin visibly reeled in his temper. “Clean your room,” he commanded, and then he started to walk off, his attention back on his book.

 

Seungmin relaxed, feeling mildly dizzy. He turned around to look at Jisung. “Alright, let’s get back. Where did Felix go?”

 

“He went up the stairs while you and Woojin were talking,” Jisung said, motioning towards the stairwell.

 

“We just lost our hall pass immunity, didn’t we?” 

 

Jisung grabbed Seungmin by the arm. “Not on my watch!” And then they hauled ass towards the stairs.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Fortunately, the rest of the day passed in a relatively uneventful fashion. Seungmin even managed to be present in the rest of his classes and, most shockingly, passed a pop quiz in history by the skin of his teeth. School had just let out for the day and Seungmin was on his way down the hall and out of the door when the level 99 Snaggletooth Gremlin stepped into his way. “Kim Seungmin,” Jeongin pronounced.

 

“It’s you.”

 

Jeongin nodded slowly. “It is I.” 

 

“What do you want?”

 

“When you called that truce, I thought something was up,” Jeongin said. “I even crossed my fingers behind my back when we shook hands.”

 

Seungmin bit his bottom lip. So neither of them were trustworthy! “And?”

 

“But when you said you gave up, I didn’t know that you  _ gave up _ .”

 

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

 

“You’re dating Hyunjin now.”

 

“How… do you know that?”

 

Jeongin looked him up and down as if assessing him. “You’re not denying it. The rumors must be true then.”

 

“Rumors?” Seungmin thought back to earlier in the morning. The only two people at school today who even knew that he and Hyunjin were official were Jisung and… Jihyo? Was she really the type to spread gossip? Weren’t they too good of friends for something like that to happen? His mouth hung open in shock.

 

“Felix told me,” Jeongin said with an evil, crooked grin.

 

Somehow, this was a better alternative. Seungmin relaxed. “Why were you talking with Felix?”

 

“We’re  _ friends _ , remember? We can talk whenever we like.”

 

The hallway around them was filled with movement and noise as students made their way to the front doors, ready to go home. There was an odd charge to the air. A higher level of energy than usual. The drudgery of the middle of the month was behind them. With each passing day, summer vacation grew closer and closer. The excitement and restlessness was palpable. Seungmin said, “So what did you want?”

 

“Oh, nothing,” Jeongin sang out in a way that clearly meant there was  _ something _ .

 

“Spit it out, Jeongin. I have to meet up with Jisung outside.”

 

Jeongin shoved his hands in his pockets and tilted his head to the side, his curly hair flopping into his eyes. “We may have called a truce but I won. I clearly and one-sidedly destroyed you. Nothing remains.”

 

“Please.”

 

The gremlin smirked. “I routed your forces and you threw in the white flag like a baby.” He shook his head. “I’m ashamed of myself for ever comparing you to the great Sima Yi.”

 

Seungmin narrowed his eyes. Now he felt truly insulted. “What point are you trying to make, you goddamn rascal?”

 

Jeongin shrugged his shoulders up to his ears. “Nothing, nothing. I just wanted to say that the real fun begins now.”

 

An ominous chill swept through the air. Seungmin got legitimate goosebumps. He ran a hand over his arm and could feel his hair standing up on end. “What the absolute fuck is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You’ll find out,” Jeongin said cryptically. “You will find out.” And then he turned around and walked away.


	20. In Which It Ain't Easy Being Green (With Envy)

“I need you still.”

 

Like Yesterday by The Morning Of

 

Han Jisung moved in next door in the dead of winter.

 

Seungmin remembered the day clearly. Like it was yesterday. It had been near the middle of February last year which meant school had been back in session for over a month and it was still as dreadful, tiresome and lonely as last semester. Seungmin had been woken up by the noise of slamming car doors, shouting voices and the yapping of a dog coming from the next house over. He had laid there confused. The aging couple next door didn’t own a car, not since that piss yellow rust bucket finally gave up the ghost on them, and they definitely didn’t own a dog. Groggily, Seungmin had gotten up from his bed and approached the window near his TV. He could just barely see over the blue wooden fence and into the next yard. There was a red sedan and a moving truck parked at the side of the road out front and both vehicles were loaded down with cardboard boxes and a sturdy-looking but old set of matching furniture. At first, Seungmin assumed that the old couple were moving out but as the minutes ticked by and he kept watching, he realized that the group of young men in tan coveralls were carrying the boxes _into_ the pale blue house.

 

His curiosity getting the better of him, Seungmin donned his favorite hoodie, a thick wool scarf and gloves and a big fluffy hat and then left his room. He could hear Woojin singing in the shower. Mom was baking something in the kitchen. Good ole-fashioned sourdough bread. “Where are you off to,” she asked, her arms covered in flour up to her elbows. “You’re not in your uniform.”

 

“I’m just going out into the yard,” he called out, already swinging open the front door. “I think someone else is moving in next door.” He left the Kim house and trotted across the front yard, the ground stiff under his shoes from last night’s icy temperatures. The moving team already had some effective, busy system of walking the boxes up the driveway to the next person in a sort of really slow relay race but, at the very least, Seungmin wanted to introduce himself and offer to help.

 

There was a bleakness to the early morning sky above him, a sheer lack of light as if the sun was too tired to push its light through the clouds. Then again, it was _early_. He hoped today would be far brighter than this. Seungmin stood at the end of the neighbor’s driveway and watched.

 

A young woman, she seemed to be in her late-twenties, was standing on the front porch of the house in a dark khaki coat telling the men in coveralls to be careful not to nick the door frame as they huffed up and down the wooden stairs with their parcels. She was pretty, with big round eyes and long hair that reached past her waist. Sitting close to her ankles was a very pregnant dog. A beagle if Seungmin guessed by the coloring. After a while, the old man who lived at the house stepped out onto the porch in a big coat and stood next to her. They spoke in low voices and Seungmin overheard the young woman call him Papa. Seungmin knew she was far too young to be the old couple’s daughter so she had to be their grandchild. Every few minutes, the young woman would stare in the direction of the red sedan and shout, “Jisung,” which Seungmin thought was odd because he was standing quite close to the car and did not see anyone in it.

 

The old man spotted Seungmin by the gate and waved. This caused the young woman to look at Seungmin for the very first time. He waved back, giving his best smile. The old man nodded in acknowledgement but the young woman was already turning away to stare at the sedan.

 

“Jisung,” she shouted again. “Little bro.” She started coming down the stairs and walked across the yard with such a serious expression on her face that Seungmin almost turned around and ran but then he watched her hard expression crumble and she came to a stop just shy of the gate. “Jisung,” she said again, much more calmly, just a little bit shaky. “You’ll freeze in there. Please get out of the car.” She resumed walking, trying her best to straighten out her face. “Please?” She turned her gaze towards Seungmin for a short moment and, this close up on her, he could see how pink her cheeks were, how red her nose was and how misty her eyes were getting. He knew at just a glance that she wasn’t tearing up just because of the cold. “Jisung,” she said, coming through the gate and approaching the sedan. “Can you come with us inside, little bro? We need to talk and I would love to do it where it’s warm.”

 

Seungmin felt like he was intruding on something personal. There was a somber mood to the air that he hadn’t picked up on until now. This wasn’t a joyous occasion. There was barely held back grief in the woman’s pleads for her brother’s attention. Seungmin was about to go back home and maybe make some hot chocolate, when--

 

“Good morning, Seungmin,” said the old man. He had reached the gate and was leaning against the wood for support. “This is all very sudden. I’m sorry for all of the noise so early in the day.”

 

“It’s alright, mister,” Seungmin responded. “I have to be up this early for school anyways.” And if he kept dallying around, he would be late, but-- “What happened? What’s all this stuff?”

 

“You probably don’t remember my son, as he so rarely visited us these last few years,” the old man said, his voice getting wobbly with either emotion or the cold, “but he and his wife passed away.”

 

Seungmin swallowed hard. He hadn’t been expecting such tragic news.

 

The old man continued. “It was a car accident. Ten days back. Some impatient fool tried to merge lanes in front of them on the highway. Side-swiped them. Spun them off the road.”

 

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Seungmin said, fighting back tears of sympathy. He couldn’t imagine losing a parent. Well, he _could_ , but death was infinitely worse than coming home from school thinking everything was ordinary only to find most of the house empty of its furniture, a note on the fridge from Dad saying, rather coldly, ‘Don’t come looking.’

 

“It breaks my heart,” the old man said. “They were just going about their lives. Grocery shopping, of all things.” He was looking at Seungmin but also not looking at him. Looking _through_ him and seeing somewhere else.

 

Seungmin didn’t know what to say so he said nothing. He put a hand on the man’s arm and squeezed reassuringly. He could just barely feel the man trembling beneath all of their winter layers.

 

The old man sighed, looked away and stared up towards the gray sky. When he had collected himself, he kept on, “Most of their children are grown and busy with growing families of their own but Jisung’s still a little boy. He can’t stay in that house by himself so the older kids sold it and now he is going to live with us. If you could help us look after him--” He sneezed and then started coughing. A fit so furious that Seungmin had to pat him on his back and hold him steady. When he’d recovered, the man cleared his throat. “I need to get out of this chill,” he announced. “Tell your mother I said hello.” He shuffled up the driveway and disappeared inside, the pregnant dog following him into the warmth.

 

Seungmin looked back towards the sedan. The young woman was still outside of the car, still calling out “Jisung, please,” with a barely-there voice.

 

Time was ticking by, marching onward endlessly without much care. Seungmin needed to get ready for school. He had less than half an hour before the bell and he had a long, lonely and _cold_ walk ahead of him. Woojin had long since stopped bothering to wait for him in the mornings so he had to start making the commute alone. Seungmin started to leave, but--

 

“There’s a boy out here who looks your age,” the young woman said, her voice stopping him in his tracks. She looked at Seungmin and made a subtle movement with her head as if she were inviting him over.

 

Hesitantly, he walked over to her and stood at her side. Through the window, he could see someone lying down in the back seat of the car, so curled up and small that they blended in almost seamlessly with the bags and boxes and piles of clothes strewn across the seat.

 

“What’s your name?” Several seconds passed before Seungmin realized she was speaking to him.

 

“Kim Seungmin,” he introduced himself.

 

“His name is Seungmin,” she spoke to the car window. The wind picked up and she visibly shrank in the face of the sudden chill. “Do you want to come out here and say hello, little bro?” She put a hand on the door handle but only briefly. The door wasn’t locked, Seungmin noticed. She was giving Jisung the opportunity to decide on his own. “Maybe you two can talk and be friends,” she attempted and then, in a much smaller voice, she almost mumbled, “You won’t be alone.”

 

It didn’t snow that year but it was cold outside, borderline freezing. The clouds were dark and hung claustrophobically low, the trees all the way up the hills were miserable and barren. The grass was dead and dry. Even the ocean had lost most of its color and was a frothy streak of cold and unfeeling gray from one end of the sky to the other. Yet when the sedan door swung open and the boy inside, Jisung, climbed out of the car, it was as if there had been a break in the clouds, a disruption in the monochromatic landscape.

 

“Hey there,” Seungmin said cautiously, not sure what kind of tone he should use. “My name’s Seungmin.”

 

Jisung looked at him. He was pretty like his sister. Big, round eyes and glossy black hair that nearly touched his shoulders. His nose and puffy cheeks were also red like hers and, even as he shut the car door behind him and aimed a bright smile in Seungmin’s direction, he sniffled hard and wiped at his face. He had just been crying but, now, he was being brave. “What’s up,” he said, his voice nearly gone. “I’m Jisung.” He looked Seungmin up and down. “Is that a Legend of Zelda hoodie?”

 

And that was kind of all it took.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

_The real fun begins now._

 

Seungmin stood near the front lobby of the school, still reeling from Jeongin’s sinister threat. He shouldn’t have been afraid at all but there was something about Jeongin’s confidence that had shook Seungmin up a little. The bastard had done something wild. Seungmin could feel it in his bones. _I won. Nothing remains._ And what was it supposed to mean?

 

_You will find out._

 

What did Jeongin want? The love war was over now. One side had completely surrendered, so what could possibly be beginning? What the hell could Jeongin possibly be up to? What else could they possibly have to do with each other? He was getting nowhere like this. Seungmin shook the thoughts out of his head. He didn’t want to stew in it. Maybe if he ignored the guy, the little gremlin would disappear and go bug someone else. Or maybe he should swing by the hardware store and invest in some pest repellent.

 

Seungmin followed the crowd out of the front doors and into the late May heat. He hopped down the stairs and then headed across the courtyard towards the olive tree.

 

Jisung was already waiting for him, leaning against the tree trunk and focused on the game on his phone.

 

For a moment, Seungmin just watched him. Appreciating. They had only been friends for a year and a half but it truly felt like they had been thick as thieves since childhood, their bond full of such trust and understanding that it was difficult to remember a time where they weren't always at each other's side. Jisung always had Seungmin’s back and Seungmin was always there for Jisung. Although their friendship had been forged in tragedy under that biting wintry sky, both of them lonely in different ways, things now had grown past that. Jisung was the fire and Seungmin was the smoke that always followed.

 

“You gonna keep standing there or are you going to say something?” Jisung questioned.

 

“What was your first impression of me,” Seungmin asked.

 

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Jisung asked, not looking up.

 

“When we first met back then,” Seungmin pressed, “what was the first thing you thought of me?” He started towards the school gate.

 

Jisung fell into step next to him. “Ummm… You go first.”

 

Seungmin already had an answer ready. “We had that first conversation and, even back then, I thought you were the Navi to my Link. The Manana to my Chio. The Popka to my Klonoa. The Willump to my Nunu. The Mary to my Yumeko. The Prompto to my Noctis. The--”

 

Jisung interrupted him with a high-pitched, squeaking laugh.

 

“What’s so funny?” Seungmin glared at him.

 

Jisung looked up from his game. “That you think _you’re_ the Noctis in this pair.” He swung his finger between the two of them. “I’m Noctis. I at least look like him. If anything, you’re Ignis.”

 

“I wasn’t really going by who can cosplay who better,” Seungmin tried to get their conversation back on track. “It was more the thought. The dynamic. The unstoppable power of iconic duos!” He struck a superhero pose.

 

“Hmmm,” Jisung pondered this for only a moment. “I’d still be Noctis.”

 

“Pssh. Whatever,” Seungmin gave in. “Your turn.”

 

They reached the intersection and turned north towards home. It was a hot afternoon and just this short of a walk already had sweat beading on Seungmin’s forehead. The breeze was sweet and cool, at least, relentlessly shaking through the trees and making flocks of birds take flight from the canopies. The weather was perfect for the beach, Seungmin thought. Now he was suddenly craving freeze pops.

 

“Still waiting,” Seungmin prompted when the road curved close to the cliffs.

 

Jisung shoved his phone in his pocket. “My first impression of you? Why the totally wacko question?”

 

“Wow, can’t I ask?”

 

“Not out of the blue. That’s illegal.”

 

“How?”

 

Jisung kicked a rock and they both watched it sail over the guardrail and tumble down the cliff towards the ocean. “It makes me feel like something’s wrong.”

 

“I’m just asking.”

 

“You’re not secretly dying or anything, are you?”

 

“Not that I know of, dude.”

 

“Am I gonna get pranked?”

 

“What? No.”

 

“Best friend...”

 

“Nothing is wrong. I swear on my Switch.”

 

“A bunny.”

 

Seungmin must not have heard right. “Huh?”

 

Jisung said it again but he mumbled his words so much he may as well have said nothing.

 

“Repeat that.”

 

“I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED LIKE A BUNNY!”

 

“Uhh...”

 

Jisung groaned. “I know you heard me!” His cheeks flushed with obvious embarrassment. “You have those buck teeth,” he answered, pointing to his two front teeth, “and you were wearing that ridiculous hat. My first thought was that you were a bunny.”

 

“Aww. That’s actually kinda cute.”

 

“Ugh. Don’t make it weird.”

 

“Like being called a bunny rabbit isn’t weird enough.”

 

“Ask wacko questions, get wacko answers.”

 

“Okay, fine,” Seungmin gave in. “I’m a bunny. You’re Prince Noctis.”

 

“Then we might as well be Noctis and Umbra.”

 

“No. I’m not a pet.”

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Jisung stopped them at the side of the road. They met each other's eyes, both of them grinning like mad men.

 

Simultaneously, they screamed at each other, “Fran and Balthier!”

 

“Fuck yeah,” Jisung exclaimed.

 

“We’re always on the same wavelength,” agreed Seungmin, holding up his hand for a high-five.

 

Jisung raised his hand up for the connect.

 

At the very last second, Seungmin jerked his hand back and coughed into his fist.

 

Jisung swung and missed. “Asshole,” the boy whined. “Do over.” He held up his own hand.

 

Seungmin hesitated.

 

“Come on, come on,” Jisung urged, jumping up and down.

 

Seungmin just looked at him, knowing it was a trap.

 

“Don’t leave me hanging.”

 

“Fine.” Seungmin swung his own hand up tentatively. Fully expecting Jisung to pull away at the last second, he paused mid-air. Jisung knew it would happen, reared back and closed the distance between their palms. Loud. Hard. “Fuckity fuck fuck!” Seungmin winced and drew his tingling hand back, cradling it to his chest in pain. “Shit shit shit!”

 

“Got you back, you son of a bitch,” Jisung howled, shaking out his own hand and dancing backwards.

 

Seungmin lunged at him.

 

Jisung let out a delighted cackle and took off running towards the drawbridge, a screaming Seungmin right on his heels.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

The heat of the sun didn’t ease off until later that afternoon. Not until the shadows were stretched across the sand and the sky was slowly shifting from blue to orange. The beach was more crowded than Seungmin expected when he left home for the beach. Heavy rain was in the forecast for the weekend and it seemed like everyone wanted to get their sun and surf in before the storm kept them indoors. Seungmin sat down on the rock by the lifeguard hut and pulled out his phone. He was in a good mood and there was only one thing he could think of to make this moment better. Freeze pop in hand, he snapped a pic of his toes in the sand and sent it to Hyunjin with a text saying ‘Wish you were here.’

 

It took less than thirty seconds for Hyunjin to reply back with a simple ‘I’ll be there.’

 

Oh.

 

That wasn’t the response he thought he would get. Seungmin grinned. He had seen Hyunjin just that morning, but to him, it had felt like days had passed since then. He missed Hyunjin and that was a thought he never ever expected to have cross his mind. Bigger than that, though, he never ever expected Hyunjin to come running when he called! The same person he had done everything in his power to avoid up until now was coming right for him and... Seungmin was _excited_ about it. He stretched out on the rock. The breeze caressed his skin and the warmth of the stone sank into his back. He relaxed into a comfortable bliss. He shut his eyes against the brightness of the sun, the plastic wrapper of the freeze pop dangling from between his lips. Now this was the life. Everything was going right. He concentrated on the sound of the ocean, the push and pull and push and pull of the tide. He let other noises filter into his mind: a group of girls were talking and laughing nearby, children were playing tag in the distance, and someone strummed on an acoustic guitar not too far off. Something upbeat and kind of folksy. The tune was almost enough to make Seungmin doze off. In fact, he would have drifted off right then if a heavy shadow hadn’t fallen across him and blocked out the light and heat of the sun. Chopping it up to a passing stranger, Seungmin thought nothing of it at first and tried to get back to sleep, but when several seconds passed and the shadow hadn’t moved, he wondered if it was someone that he knew.

 

“Hyunjin, is that you,” he asked, keeping his eyes shut. He had to talk with his teeth clenched to keep the freeze pop from flopping out of his mouth. “I just sent you that text. You got here pretty quick.”

 

Silence.

 

He could picture Hyunjin just standing there, smiling slightly and watching him. Seungmin said, “Were you already out here when I messaged you?”

 

The shadow moved. Sunlight fell across Seungmin’s face again, the red of it flooding his vision through his closed eyelids. He felt someone sit right beside him on the rock. Their thigh pressed against his thigh. Seungmin cracked open an eye. “Hyunjin, why aren’t…”

 

The rest of his sentence died on his tongue when he spotted who was next to him.

 

“Sorry to burst your bubble,” Felix spoke briskly. “I’m not your boyf-- I’m not Hyunjin.” He propped his elbows up on his knees.

 

Seungmin sat up so quickly that his head swam. Shit! He panicked. “Felix! Oh, hey.” He snatched the freeze pop out of his mouth so he could speak properly. “Didn’t see you… I mean, hi.” He’d called Felix Hyunjin repeatedly. No wonder the boy hadn’t responded to him earlier. Talk about awkward. He forced a smile, “W-What’s up?”

 

Felix was in his wetsuit. His surfboard stood upright in the sand a short distance away. “Getting ready to go surfing. I was doing my warm-up stretches when I saw you.” He stared out at the water but the twinkle in his eyes that was usually there when he looked at the ocean was completely absent. “You’re waiting on Hyunjin, I guess?”

 

“Y-Yeah,” Seungmin admitted. There was no need to lie after that weird exchange they’d just had. Seungmin wondered if he should apologize about the incorrect name or if saying sorry now would only make the awkwardness between them heavier. “My bad, dude. I thought you were--”

 

“Has the nurse said anything yet?”

 

“What? Oh… No. I don’t-- Miss Kim has more than likely gotten the letter by now but we don’t know if she said anything to Mr. Ok about it.”

 

“I’d like to know how that goes,” said Felix. “If you can tell me.”

 

“Sure. As soon as I find out. Jisung and I will probably bug him tomorrow.”

 

“Gotcha.”

 

Just like that, the conversation died. Seungmin sucked the last bit of ice from the freeze pop wrapper and crammed the plastic into the pocket at the front of his shirt. When he leaned forward to get a better look at Felix, he saw that the boy was frowning, his eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t... seem happy.”

 

“Huh? Oh.” Felix ran a hand through his hair. “It’s all good. I mean, I just got a little distracted. I mean… I’m just thinking. Got a lot on my mind. Yeah.”

 

“Umm… Is it anything... you want to talk about?”

 

Felix opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself. Several seconds passed before he gave it another attempt. “N-no. I’m just… It’s--”

 

Another silence.

 

Felix began to anxiously bounce his leg.

 

“So how about this weather, huh?” Seungmin gave it a valiant effort. “This storm’s supposed to do… something… to the front?” He grasped for words he’d heard on the forecast after school. He laughed at his own ignorance. “Anyways, the temperatures are supposed to ease up next week. The heat wave’s finally breaking.” He laughed again. Nervously. He wasn’t even sure if Felix was paying attention to him or not since the boy was showing no signs of interest. “Only for it to probably get hot again because it’s about to be summer and all.”

 

“Yeah,” Felix finally mumbled. He was still staring out at the ocean. “Sure is a nice day.” He hadn’t been listening.

 

Seungmin smiled. “I-it is. Nice and sunny. And stuff.”

 

“W-What did you say? Sorry. I... really wasn’t-- I was barely listening. My bad”

 

So Seungmin wasn’t imagining it. They were both nervous. Stuttering. Fumbling their thoughts. It wasn’t as if their conversations had always been smooth sailing before this but the seas had never been this rough between them before. Not to the point where they were literally twiddling their thumbs and talking about the weather. Now that Seungmin looked back at it, this right here was their first moment alone since the evening outside of the amusement park. Felix crying in his arms. Moonlight bathing them. A lot had happened since then. Seungmin had gravitated towards someone else and had lost a whole entire war since then. He was practically a new person and the new Kim Seungmin felt strange sitting next to his old crush. The sight of Felix still excited him, still thrilled him like he was meeting one of his idols, but now that fruit was forbidden for a new reason. Whether it was today or yesterday or two weeks ago, he still couldn’t touch it. _I shouldn’t have turned you down._ Seungmin still wondered what that meant. He still thought about it and worried over it. Was Felix saying he should have accepted Seungmin’s feelings?

 

Should Seungmin have kept waiting?

 

 _But it’s too late for us now_ , he thought. _Right?_

 

They both broke the silence by trying to speak at the same time. Words clashed with words until they both went quiet. “Sorry.” Seungmin backed off. “You first.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Felix said quickly. An obvious lie. “What were you gonna say?”

 

He had been going to ask ‘Why didn’t you say yes?’ but instead he said, “Why aren’t you out there on the water already?” Seungmin would ask anything to salvage the moment. To break the tension. To make things easy again.

 

“It’s dangerous to go alone,” said Felix.

 

“Take this.”

 

Seungmin had said it so instinctively that he hadn’t even noticed the quote was out of his mouth until Felix went, “Huh?” He looked down at Seungmin’s empty hands. “Take what?”

 

 _It’s a video game reference_ , Seungmin wanted to explain but... “Why is it dangerous?”

 

Felix pointed to the empty hut that towered over them. “No lifeguard on duty during the off season,” he explained. He shifted and looked Seungmin in the eye for the first time since sitting down. His eyes seemed a bit sad and his mouth was downturned ever so slightly in a frown. Seungmin missed his smile. Seungmin wanted to make him smile. Felix said, “It’s safer to go out on the waves in groups. We can keep an eye on each other. Keep each other from straying too far out.” He turned back to look at the crashing waves. “Changbin and Minho should be here really soon. We agreed on six o’ clock.”

 

“So basically,” Seungmin concluded, “we’re both waiting here on other people.” He had said it to make light of the situation, maybe even turn it into a joke, but his words simply added to the building tension. They were here. Together. But they weren’t here _together_. It seemed to be their curse. Even sitting right next to each other, they were in two different places. They were trains on different tracks. A missed connection. But he had tried! Seungmin had tried so hard. It had been all that he wanted and now he couldn’t have it. Still. “Look,” Seungmin started, “Felix. About us...”

 

“Seungmin.”

 

It hadn’t been a shout. In fact, it hadn’t been very loud at all but Seungmin heard the voice calling his name regardless. He turned around and there was Hyunjin, walking towards them across the sand, his shoes in his hands. Hyunjin was smiling. Smiling at him. As always. A lump formed in Seungmin’s throat. This wasn’t the best of timing. Things were already pretty shaky and the balance would be further upset by this. Seungmin glanced back at Felix, wondering if he would… no, _hoping_ that he would run off again like he always seemed to do whenever Hyunjin was involved these days but Felix seemed to be quite planted on the rock, his toes in the sand, his hands clasped together, his eyes trained in Hyunjin’s direction.

 

Seungmin turned back to Hyunjin. He was in casual shorts and a loose-fitting shirt that billowed around him in the breeze. He looked cute. “You made it,” Seungmin called out. His arrival was still extremely quick if the boy had come here from home. “Were you close by?”

 

Hyunjin nodded and then sank down onto the rock on Seungmin’s other side. After setting down his shoes next to Seungmin’s, he pressed their shoulders together. “Was eating with Chan.” He made a motion with his hand in the general direction of town.

 

“I didn’t interrupt you, did I? You shouldn’t have come if you were busy.”

 

Hyunjin grabbed Seungmin’s hand and held it. “I wanted to come. We were done anyway. Just sitting and talking. It’s fine. Plus...” He raised his free hand to Seungmin’s face and dragged his thumb along the boy’s jaw. “...I missed you.”

 

“I did, too,” Seungmin said. “But we saw each other this morning so isn’t that silly of us?”

 

Hyunjin shook his head. “It’s because of school.”

 

True. On any other day, Seungmin only had to look two rows behind him and Hyunjin would be right there but with Hyunjin being suspended, the entire day had gone by without them seeing each other, without them talking to each other. Seungmin scoffed. It _was_ silly.

 

“Hi, Felix,” Hyunjin said, peering around Seungmin’s head.

 

Felix didn’t look his way. “Sup, mate.”

 

An awkward silence tightened its grip around the three of them. Seungmin looked from one boy to the other, feeling split in half. Where were Changbin and Minho? Ugh. The one time Seungmin _needed_ them to barge in and ruin things and they were missing their cue! “So…” He started off, glancing at his boyfriend. “Did you do your homework?”

 

Hyunjin said, “Yes. Did you do yours?”

 

“No.”

 

“You should.”

 

“Later.”

 

“You won’t do it later.”

 

“You’ve got that right.”

 

“I did mine,” Felix hopped into the conversation. He glanced over his shoulder at Seungmin. “It wasn’t that hard. You can do it in an hour. Less than that.”

 

Seungmin bit his bottom lip. Even a topic as harmless as homework couldn’t lift the tension. He tried something else. “Next week is exam prep,” he stated. “And then after that is a half-week for exams. And then summer vacation starts.” It felt so close. So far away.

 

Hyunjin started, “If you need help studying--”

 

“You’ll help me?”

 

Hyunjin snorted back a laugh. “I was going to say you could sign up for tutoring.”

 

“Felix is smart,” Seungmin said. He nudged the boy in question. “He can help me.”

 

“If I’ll even still be here,” Felix grunted.

 

Oh yeah. Seungmin had nearly forgotten.

 

“That reminds me,” Hyunjin said. “I’d like to come over for dinner tomorrow.” Then, hurriedly, he added, “If that’s okay.”

 

“Of course it is. We invited you.” Seungmin looked up at him. “I’ll let Mom know. She’ll be excited.”

 

They smiled at each other.

 

In their moment of sweet distraction, Felix turned around and looked at Seungmin, looked at his hand clasped with Hyunjin’s, looked at the budding couple’s smiling faces. Felix faced the ocean again. “Seungmin,” he huffed, “can you call Changbin and ask him where he is? I don’t have my phone.”

 

Seungmin looked over at him. “You can just borrow mine.” He reached into his pocket for the device and held it out. “There’s no password because I have no fear.”

 

Felix grabbed the phone, unlocked it and hurriedly tapped in Changbin’s number, thumbs flying across the screen.

 

Hyunjin shifted away, letting go of Seungmin’s hand. He stretched out his long body across the rock and twisted his torso until he was able to drop his head onto Seungmin’s lap.

 

“Having fun?” Seungmin asked him.

 

“Mmhmm,” the boy hummed, not taking his eyes off Seungmin’s face.

 

Seungmin looked down and used a finger to gently push Hyunjin’s hair away from his face, letting his hand linger on the boy’s skin far longer than necessary. The sunlight was angled just right and turned Hyunjin’s eyes all sparkly and light like amber. Seungmin let his finger trail down the bridge of Hyunjin’s nose and brush, as light as feathers, across Hyunjin’s mouth. Hyunjin smiled wider, showing off his teeth.

 

Then Seungmin remembered where they were and who they were with. He drew his hand back and looked up like he had just snapped himself out of a Disney spell.

 

Next to him, Felix was on the phone, asking Changbin for his whereabouts with almost uncharacteristic levels of venom in his voice. The conversation was brief and Seungmin could only hear one side of it, but from what he could gather, Changbin and Minho were ‘almost there’ even though it was already a half hour past their agreed meeting time. Felix hung up the call and accidentally(?), purposely(?) dropped Seungmin’s phone just shy of his outstretched hand. It was only Seungmin’s video game reflexes that kept the device from smacking Hyunjin in the face.

 

Felix stood up in a hurry. “They said they were coming down the boardwalk,” Felix declared. “If they come this way, tell them I’m already out on the waves.” His bad mood was palpable. Like smoke in the air.

 

Seungmin realized something. “Felix, are you mad at me?”

 

Felix hesitated for so long that he may as well have said ‘yes.’ “No.” The surfer boy grabbed his board out of the sand and started to head towards the water.

 

Under any other circumstances, Seungmin would have leaped up and run after him, grabbed him, demanded that they talk their way through this, but Hyunjin’s head was still in his lap and he did not want to move. He did not want to break the one thing he had. So Seungmin did the next best thing: he watched Felix walk away.


	21. In Which Felix Flies Around The World

****“Why can’t you stay?

They don’t compare.”

 

Ghosts by PVRIS

 

Seungmin watched Felix leave, feeling powerless. Hopeless. The more and more Seungmin thought about it, the more certain he was that Felix was indeed mad at him. But what had Seungmin done wrong? Was Felix _that_ mad Seungmin had called him by the wrong name? That couldn’t be all there was to it. There had to be layers. There had to be something else. He replayed the last few days in his head, trying to pinpoint the exact moment things started going to shit. He and Felix were never particularly close and things had always felt a little strained between them since that botched confession, but today was different. Today felt like what little they had was about to end. But what was the reason? The evening at the amusement park had gone just fine, Seungmin figured. Despite… everything... it had gone fine. Things didn’t really get tense and awkward between them until today. If Seungmin had to pick any one moment where Felix’s coldness towards him started, if he could choose one place that he could call the beginning, it was when Jihyo had loudly declared that Seungmin and Hyunjin were dating earlier that morning. Or perhaps when Woojin had said something about Hyunjin coming over for dinner… In any case, it had something to do with Seungmin and Hyunjin becoming official. Ever since then, Felix had been distant and short-tempered and maybe even a little nasty. The redhead got upset and disappeared nearly every time Hyunjin was brought up and the only explanation Seungmin had for such behavior was jealousy. It was as if Felix wanted to be in Hyunjin’s place but couldn’t be and was taking out his frustration on Seungmin. So Felix really did like him! That was a possibility that should have delighted Seungmin so why did it _hurt_ when he thought about it? Why did it hurt for the one person he’d been wanting all year to finally start wanting him back? _I shouldn’t have turned you down_. If Felix liked him, if that was really what was happening here, why did Felix wait so long to say or do something about it when he had known how Seungmin felt since that day with the red cut-out hearts? He had taken too long because now Seungmin’s heart had been swayed. Because now… now there was another boy. A boy who paid attention in a way that Felix never did. A boy who smiled at him in a way that Felix never did. A boy who was brave enough to like Seungmin in a way that Felix never did.

 

Seungmin ran through numerous scenarios in his head, trying to decide what he could say or do that would fix this before Felix got too far away. Before he was just… gone. Nothing worked out. Nothing satisfactory came to him. Their timing always seemed to be slightly off. They were always just slightly out of each other’s orbit, barely missing each other. Never connecting. Seungmin had just wanted this to _work_ but it hadn’t and now he could only watch. Felix took one step after the other towards the waves, not even sparing a backwards glance over his shoulder. Not even slowing down. Seungmin couldn’t shake the suspicion that something-- _something_ \--was crumbling to pieces right now. Falling apart. Sifting between his fingers like sand and drifting farther and farther away on the wind. He just wanted to hold on. But then--

 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin’s soft voice broke into his reverie.

 

Seungmin looked down at him, his head still in Seungmin’s lap. Hyunjin’s expression was blank and his mouth was half-open with the start of a word but he remained silent almost as if waiting for Seungmin to speak first. Seconds ticked by before Seungmin kindly spoke up, “What is it?”

 

Hyunjin shook his head. “I just... wanted you to look at me.” _And not at him_. He didn’t have to speak those words but Seungmin could feel the syllables hanging in the air between them regardless.

 

Seungmin sucked in a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. He made a decision. “Okay,” he agreed. So he looked at Hyunjin and stopped thinking about everything else. He _looked_ at Hyunjin and let everything else go. Something must have changed in his expression because Hyunjin relaxed. Seungmin could feel it in his body. See it on his face. The boy smiled brightly again and his eyes warmed up like honey under the sunlight. Had he been… scared? Afraid that Seungmin actually would get up and chase after Felix? Leave him behind? Seungmin didn’t want him to be scared. He brought his hand back to Hyunjin’s face. His fingers traced the contour of Hyunjin’s jaw, circled the shape of his ear and pressed along the edges of the bandages across his face. His bruises were fading away even more now. The swelling was almost completely gone. Hyunjin was a day or two away from looking like his old self again, even if a few cuts and scars would remain. He had no freckles, Seungmin saw. No tiny little stars that spread across his nose and cheeks and forehead… but he had a beauty mark beneath his left eye. A solitary spot like the sun at the center of the solar system. The sun was also a star, he knew, and it didn’t matter if Hyunjin had one or many stars on his face. It wouldn’t matter if he had none.

 

Hyunjin sat up. So abruptly that Seungmin feared he had said or done something that would send the boy running, but instead, Hyunjin turned towards him and wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s shoulders in a tight and grateful embrace. Seungmin let out a surprised, squeaky croak as Hyunjin’s arms tightened around his shoulders. Hyunjin said nothing. He just pressed his forehead against the side of Seungmin’s face and held him, his breath soft and oddly cool against Seungmin’s neck. Seungmin relaxed into the hug and reached up his own arms and wrapped them around Hyunjin’s torso. He let his eyes drift closed and he reveled in the feeling of Hyunjin’s heartbeat pounding into his own chest. The rapid pace made it hard to breathe but it also made it feel like he was floating. Dancing. He wondered if Hyunjin could feel his heart. He wondered what Hyunjin thought about having two different pulses.

 

“Oyyyy!”

 

Seungmin tensed. It was like having one of his daydreams fall apart around him except he hadn’t been dreaming. His eyes flew open. For the briefest moment, he assumed Felix had come back. He searched the beach over Hyunjin’s shoulder in a panic.

 

No. It was Changbin. The short-haired boy was breaking away from the crowd and coming up towards them, holding his surfboard over his head as he hopped from one foot to the other across the hot sand.

 

Minho wasn’t too far behind. He was in a new wetsuit. Daring pink stripes went down his arms and across his hips. The suit cut off above his knees, showing off toned and hairless calves. Minho carried his board under his right arm and wore a bright smile on his face. “Seungmin! Bro,” Minho called out with a wave.

 

Seungmin howled back, “Oyy!”

 

Changbin called out, “I was wondering why Felix called me from your number.”

 

“Sup, guys.” Seungmin pulled away from the hug, or attempted to, but Hyunjin continued to cling to him in a surprisingly needy gesture. Seungmin said, “Felix got mad about waiting and went on without you two.”

 

“What?” Changbin wailed. He squinted into the distance, trying to spot Felix out on the water. He didn’t calm down until he found the boy coasting over the top of a wave. “We’ve talked about this. He should have been patient. I told him we were almost here.”

 

By then, the two surfer boys had walked up onto the rock and, about a million seconds too late, became aware of the fact that it wasn’t just Seungmin sitting on it. “You’ve got a little something on your shirt,” Minho said, waving a hand in Hyunjin’s direction as if Seungmin couldn’t tell he had a whole entire person draped across his front.

 

Hyunjin unraveled his arms from around Seungmin’s shoulders and then turned around to look at the newcomers. He said nothing. He did nothing. But--

 

“Jesus wept!” Changbin hollered in surprise. He dropped his surfboard and it tumbled to the ground and made a hollow thud as it hit the stone.

 

Even Minho took a startled step backwards. “Holy shit, it’s Doomfist!”

 

“Wow, assholes,” Seungmin grunted. He didn’t know why their reactions made him so mad. He started to stand up but Hyunjin put a hand on his thigh. No real pressure or violent force behind it but the meaning of the gesture came through. Seungmin relaxed back onto the rock. “You guys are totally overreacting!”

 

“Are we?” Minho squeaked from his hiding place behind his board.

 

Changbin joined in. “He took out like a dozen dudes single-handedly!”

 

Hyunjin frowned. “It was only two.”

 

The surfer boys gasped. Changbin put a hand to his chest like he was clutching at pearls.

 

Hyunjin swung a leg out to sit in a more comfortable position.

 

Just that tiny little movement had the two surfers yelping and tripping over themselves to step backwards.

 

The tiniest little smirk curled the end of Hyunjin’s lips and Seungmin realized the boy was enjoying this.

 

Seungmin shook him and hissed into his ear, “Don’t play into their fuckery.”

 

“But why lie?” Hyunjin whispered back.

 

“I don’t want them to be afraid of you.”

 

“As long as you aren’t afraid of me, I don’t care.”

 

Seungmin started to protest, “But--!”

 

“I appreciate it,” Hyunjin said firmly, looking Seungmin square in the eye. “But stop.”

 

Seungmin pouted. It made no sense! Why was Hyunjin not the least bit offended?

 

It was as if Hyunjin read his mind. “I’m okay.” He reached up a hand and gently cupped Seungmin’s face. “You shouldn’t worry.”

 

“But,” Seungmin tried again.

 

Hyunjin silenced him with a finger pressed across his lips.

 

Minho ruined the moment, “What’s going on between you two? Why does my heart feel all torn to pieces seeing you two get so close?” And then he inhaled so sharply that he nearly gagged. “Is this how you guys feel when I marry someone new?” He threw a hand up in the air. “Is that why everyone is always mad at me? My heart is big enough for all of you, I swear to God!”

 

“Minho, please,” Changbin pleaded. At least the tension in the air had evaporated. The surfer boys visibly relaxed. Then Changbin looked at Seungmin with wide, curious eyes. “But what is this? For real.” He pointed between the two boys.

 

Seungmin looked up at them. “He’s my boyfriend now.”

 

Changbin tilted his head to the side. “I’m sorry. I’m going to need you to repeat that using words I can understand.”

 

“We’re dating,” Seungmin reiterated, a tad bit more impatient.

 

Minho gasped.

 

“Welp,” Changbin said, stooping down to pick up his surfboard. “I’ve lost my mind. Nothing makes sense anymore. I’m going out.” He started off towards the water.

 

“Changbin!” Seungmin called after him.

 

Minho stepped forward and put his hand on top of Seungmin’s head. “If this is what being jealous feels like,” he proclaimed, “then I will stop marrying everyone I see. I can’t keep doing this to you guys. I will do better as a person. Please anticipate.” And then he hurried away, trailing after Changbin.

 

Despite himself, Seungmin rolled his eyes and chuckled at their nonsense. Perhaps that was just their odd way of showing acceptance? Then again, he and Hyunjin openly dating was probably the wildest and most unlikely news for anyone to hear. One of the school’s fiercest tough guys was dating the number one anime nerd? Shit like that only happened in fiction.

 

Hyunjin pulled away and quietly asked, “Your friends?”

 

“Ugh, I hate to claim them,” Seungmin moaned, “but yeah.”

 

Hyunjin watched the two surfer boys stomp out into the waves. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“You’re always on my side.”

 

Seungmin froze up. It should have been a positive thing but Hyunjin’s tone of voice made it sound like something wretched. Seungmin looked over at him, not sure of what to say.

 

Hyunjin propped his elbows up on his knees. “I appreciate it. I really do. More than you know. But I think I hate seeing you do it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It feels like you’re begging people to like me and I don’t like seeing you beg.”

 

Seungmin watched Hyunjin watch the ocean. The shadow of the lifeguard hut was just beginning to creep over the rock and offer them solace from the sun. The sudden cool of the shade also brought an out of place shiver up Seungmin’s spine. “I just don’t want you to keep getting attacked.”

 

“That will always happen so you don’t have to keep defending me.”

 

“Do you think it’s something awful for me to do?”

 

“No… It’s just that… I can’t ask that of you.” Hyunjin met his eyes for the first time in a while.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I know why people treat me the way they do and I know I don’t try to change their minds.”

 

“You _want_ everyone to be afraid of you?”

 

Hyunjin nodded without even a moment’s hesitation. “I like that you want to stand up for me but you don’t have to. If you do, you’ll be fighting with _everyone_ and you’ll end up like me.”

 

Seungmin didn’t like that line of thinking. Sure, he had been afraid of Hyunjin himself but that was last week and a lot could happen in a week. A lot could change in a _day_. Now that he had gotten close to Hyunjin, he definitely wouldn’t say the toughness was just an act, but he did know that it was only what was on the surface. There was far more to Hyunjin than his violent martial arts skills and Seungmin wanted other people to know that.

 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Hyunjin cut in. “But having you and Chan and the others on my side is enough. You’ll run yourself ragged trying to convince everyone else. So don’t.” Hyunjin turned away, looking back out at the ocean. There was a stiffness to his expression that Seungmin hadn’t seen since before they had started talking. His eyes were narrowed and cold like he was ready to fight the whole world. “Just do this one thing for me, okay?”

 

“Let me get this straight… You’re asking me to _let_ people talk shit about you?”

 

“I’m asking you not to worry yourself to death because of me. Don’t do it.” The finality in his voice let Seungmin know that he did not have much room to debate.

 

It was a lot to take in. And such an… odd request. Hyunjin had never spoken so forcefully to him before. Not since the days where he snapped at the boy to move out of his way. Seungmin sat there, feeling slightly smothered beneath the weight of Hyunjin’s silence. Their viewpoints were polar opposites: Seungmin didn’t want to see Hyunjin hurt by other people’s crass opinions of him while Hyunjin was fine with being treated like something wild and ferocious. Hyunjin didn’t want Seungmin to wind up in the crossfire. He wanted Seungmin to back down and let the hate come. It would be easier. Simpler, probably. Seungmin thought about the fight he had with his brother about Hyunjin’s reputation. Even the tense standoff just a few moments ago with Changbin and Minho. Jihyo had been the only one to react with any kind of favorable reception right off the bat but that was probably just due to the fact that they lived a hop, skip and jump away from each other. Seungmin knew that if vicious rumors went around the school about, say, Jisung, then he would defend his friend and neighbor regardless of the truth. It was kind of the same thing. Seungmin supposed he understood. That level of isolation couldn’t have been what Hyunjin truly wanted but... at the same time, the boy amassed such a horrendous reputation for himself on purpose. He didn’t _have_ to get into so many fights in and out of school, but he did. He didn’t have to have such a shit attitude when he could be so warm and sweet at times, but he did. Maybe there was a reason for it. Maybe there was something Hyunjin hadn’t told him yet, something that he was hiding, and Seungmin was completely intimidated by the massive height of their first big secret.

 

“Do you want to go eat?” Hyunjin asked all of a sudden.

 

“You just ate,” Seungmin shot back, recalling that Hyunjin had been out with Chan mere minutes before he came to meet him at the beach.

 

“Yeah, but you’re hungry. Your stomach just growled really loud.” Now he was back to being quiet and soft with that tiny little smile on his face.

 

The duality sent Seungmin’s head spinning. “Didn’t think you could hear that.”

 

Hyunjin stood up and then held out a hand for Seungmin to take. “Want to go for crepes? I’ll treat.”

 

Seungmin hesitated. Could he do this? Not just go for crepes but be want Hyunjin needed. _Could_ need. He made up his mind and grabbed hold of Hyunjin’s hand. Effortlessly, the tall boy hoisted him to his feet. They gathered their shoes and started off across the sand. Around them, the crowd on the beach flooded the air with noise. A group had started up a beach volleyball game with two piles of seashells as a ‘net’ and some pretty loose rules about what was in and out of bounds, if Seungmin went by what he saw. Their laughter was wild and free and perhaps a little alcohol-fueled based on the contents of a yellow and blue cooler sitting under an umbrella off to the side. A little farther along, a gaggle of children played with frisbees and hula hoops and kites while their parents looked on from nearby lounge chairs. When Seungmin and Hyunjin reached the steps of the wooden boardwalk, they took turns using the other’s shoulders for balance and slipped on their shoes. Then they made their unhurried way to the far northern end where the plaza was.

 

They were halfway down when Hyunjin spoke up for the first time since they were on the sand. “I’m not mad at you. Please don’t think I’m mad at you.”

 

That was exactly what Seungmin had been thinking. “Okay.”

 

“You sound like you don’t believe me.”

 

“I do. I really do.”

 

Hyunjin held out his hand.

 

Seungmin took it, interlocking their fingers. The afternoon was hot and Seungmin’s palm was already sweating but he held tight to Hyunjin’s hand as they walked. He didn’t want that argument--was it even something that could be called an argument?--to keep poisoning the air between them so he took a deep breath. “I know you’re not mad at me. I know you’re just trying to establish a few boundaries. I get it”

 

“Then don’t be so quiet. I like to hear you talk.”

 

Seungmin grimaced. “What should I talk about?”

 

“Anything. Anything.”

 

“Well, what video games do you play?”

 

“Not many,” Hyunjin said quickly. “Just what my older brother played.”

 

His older brother. The pro fighter. “So lots of fighting games? Mortal Kombat? Injustice?”

 

“No,” Hyunjin said. “He played a lot of puzzle games. Said it kept his mind sharp.”

 

Seungmin bit his bottom lip, feeling a little bad that he had so loudly assumed only to be dead wrong. “So… You’re good at puzzles?”

 

“I guess.”

 

Quiet fell over them. Under any other circumstances, Seungmin would have been fine with it but today he just needed to fill the empty space. He felt compelled to keep talking so that he wouldn’t start thinking about Felix walking away or Changbin and Minho being afraid or Hyunjin not wanting him to come to his rescue or Woojin not wanting them to be together at all. Seungmin wracked his brain for a conversation topic. Something neutral and universal like favorite foods or preferred colors, but… “Do you watch anime?”

 

“Not really.”

 

Dammit! What? That should have been his cue to pick another topic, but-- “How can you not? There are so many good ones. I can recommend, like, a ton! I think there’s this really big misconception about anime. People who aren’t into it think it’s cheesy because the mouths don’t move exactly to the words but that’s true for any cartoon. It’s never going to be exact. In fact, it’ll be creepy if it is. And there are so many genres. Horror and science fiction and slice of life and romance… Some questionable stuff involving tentacles.” He realized he was just going on and on but he couldn’t help himself. He was getting excited because he never usually got the chance to explain all of this before. Woojin never cared to listen and Jisung already knew everything. “There is this one show I saw a few years back about these artists and how the artwork and stories they created came to life and started wreaking havoc in the real world. It’s so intense because the characters are from all sorts of recognizable popular genres like magical girls and mecha fighters so the animation is really over the top but the story also gets serious and covers all of these interesting topics like creative block and dealing with popularity or the lack thereof and, as a poet, I can relate. I’ve thought many things that the characters discussed and to see someone else facing the difficulties I faced made me feel better in a way. Like I’m not alone.” He took a deep breath. “I’d only recommend the first half of it, though. Like… the first ten or so episodes. The second half drags. I may as well have not even watched it.” Seungmin stopped talking, realizing that he’d spent the last several minutes blabbering, not even giving Hyunjin a chance to participate.

 

After a moment, Hyunjin glanced over at him. “Do you have any other recommendations? I want to watch one.”

 

“You didn’t tune me out?” Seungmin had to know. “You were actually listening to me?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Seungmin smiled a little wider. He had completely expected Hyunjin to have been ignoring him the whole time like Jihyo sometimes did when he got too excited about a show. Hyunjin had said he didn’t watch anime but Seungmin had talked his ear off about it anyways! Why was he so bad at this? Or maybe he was just that used to Woojin interrupting him and telling him to shut up and get out of his room. “Well,” Seungmin dragged out the syllable, thinking hard, “Jisung and I always watched this one together every week when it was airing… It’s about this guy from the real world who finds himself in this fantasy world and every time he dies, he goes back in time. He sometimes has to repeat entire days, sit through the exact same conversations and deal with the exact same surprises, just to find a way to survive to the end of the day because all sorts of people and creatures are out to kill him for one reason or another. There’s also a love story shoehorned in there somewhere but, in all honesty, it adds nothing.”

 

“I see.”

 

“Do you really see or are you just saying that?”

 

Hyunjin laughed. “I’m listening. For real. Guy dies a million times. The romance added nothing.”

 

Satisfied, Seungmin chose another one. “I highly recommend this one. It’s about a figure skater. He competes in all of these matches against other skaters and he falls in love with his coach and they basically get married in the end.”

 

“I may have heard of that one.”

 

“Really? I mean, it got really popular while it was airing. If you were on social media at all back then, I’m positive you caught wind of it.”

 

“Maybe that will be one of the ones I watch,” Hyunjin stated.

 

“You should give it a shot.”

 

“Did you want to watch it with me?”

 

“I don’t know. I have this thing about rewatching shows because I kinda remember everything so it’s not as fun.”

 

Hyunjin frowned. Practically pouted.

 

“But,” Seungmin backpedaled, “there’s this one anime I love to watch even though I’ve seen it a million times already. Maybe one day we can watch that together?”

 

“What’s the plot?”

 

“It’s about these two gangsters. One of them is deaf.”

 

“Very informative,” Hyunjin got him on his vague description. “It’s a date.”

 

“Is _this_ a date,” asked Seungmin. “This right here? Right now?”

 

Hyunjin squeezed Seungmin’s hand. “Of course.”

 

By then, they had reached the plaza at the north end of the boardwalk. Hyunjin guided them to the end of the line outside the funnel cake and crepe place.

 

A man who looked like he was in his late thirties was standing near the fountain at the center of the plaza, a boombox nearby, expertly juggling a number of dangerous-looking objects. There was a massive knife involved. And a tiki torch that was actually lit and spewing hot embers every time the man flung it into the air. A big crowd had gathered in front of him, watching in awe. The tip jar near the boombox was overflowing with coins and crumpled bills and, even as the two boys stood there waiting in line, more and more spectators came off of the boardwalk to watch the performance.

 

Thanks to the juggler's show, the wait in line seemed to pass in no time. Hyunjin ordered a crepe filled with creme and drizzled in hot fudge. Seungmin ordered a chocolate crepe with peanut butter and marshmallow filling.

 

Ultra-sweet desserts in hand, they walked back down the boardwalk, hands still linked. Seungmin hadn’t been in so good a mood in a long time. Colors seemed a little brighter. “There’s this romance manga I’m reading…” He began.

 

“Mmhm?” Hyunjin hummed with a mouth full of crepe.

 

“It’s about this girl who finds her heart torn between her childhood friend and this really popular guy at school. They both like her and she likes both of them and it’s just really intense. It’s just feelings and miscommunication but it’s intense. Like, I never would have thought I’d be into something like this.”

 

“Is that the one you read in class all of the time?”

 

“Yeah,” Seungmin admitted. “And I’m so afraid she’ll pick the wrong one.”

 

“I’ve read parts of it,” said Hyunjin.

 

Now this was shocking. “Really?”

 

“I mean it. I’m reading that one.”  

 

“I never would have pegged you as the type to read that kind of stuff. I mean, it’s so sugary and fluffy but it’s also infuriating. She keeps choosing the childhood friend but the illustrator keeps putting the hot, popular guy on the covers with her. I’d say it’s misleading but I keep getting the feeling something big is going to happen. Like… the way these last few chapters have been set up… Hold on. How far have you gotten? How much can I spoil?”

 

“I’ve gotten as far as you’ve gotten.”

 

“So… Uh… Volume Five?” Seungmin tried to think about it. “Yeah. I think.”

 

“Aren’t you on Volume Six?”

 

“How do you know?”

 

Hyunjin eyed Seungmin, his eyebrows raised like he couldn’t figure out how Seungmin hadn’t put two and two together yet. “I read over your shoulder.”

 

“Oh!” Seungmin would have swatted his palm against his forehead if he wasn’t holding his crepe. “Why wasn’t that the first thing I thought of?”

 

They found a relatively quiet section of the boardwalk and leaned against the railing to finish off their crepes. It was sunset. At long last, the air was cooling off and the beach was emptying of its crowd. The sky was turning orange while the setting sun painted the undersides of the clouds dusky pink. The colors were reflected over the water in dazzling streaks. A single yacht was out to sea and its shape was completely cast in silhouette as the afternoon came to an end. What a perfect finish to the day.

 

“I can’t wait for tomorrow,” said Hyunjin.

 

Seungmin chewed on his crepe. “Hmm? Why?” Fuck. “Oh yeah!”

 

Hyunjin giggled at him.

 

“I’ll be cooking,” Seungmin announced.

 

“Then dinner will be great.”

 

“How do you know? I could be an awful cook. I could serve you a pile of buttered toast.”

 

“You could burn the toast and it would still be great.”

 

“I mean,” Seungmin stared wistfully out at the beach, “there’s a certain complexity to the flavor and texture of charred bread that you can’t get from just a light roast.” He was completely bullshitting.

 

“Then I look forward to your burnt toast.”

 

Seungmin laughed nervously. “Yeah.” But now he had a brand new worry nagging at the back of his thoughts: what was he possibly going to cook? Making dinner for his family was usually simple. Woojin liked vegetables, namely asparagus and spinach. As long as Seungmin had those on the table, and maybe some noodles or a pork dish, Woojin wasn’t too picky and would eat almost any of his culinary experiments. Mom was a bit harder to cook for. She liked sweet sauces over spicy sauces and couldn’t take too much salt or too many deep-fried foods so Seungmin had to be mindful of how he cooked for her. He didn’t know what Hyunjin liked and, for some strange reason, he was afraid to ask. Hyunjin lived in that big house in that luxe neighborhood and probably had a personal chef with a Michelin star or two. Seungmin would not compare. He shoved the last of his crepe into his mouth and, with his mouth full, conceded, “Or we can just go to a restaurant in town.”

 

“No. I’m looking forward to your cooking,” stated Hyunjin. “And I want to bring something for your Mom.”

 

Seungmin was no longer sure about tomorrow. In fact, he was attempting to come up with an excuse to cancel (“Hyunjin, I have spleen-icitis and only have hours to live.”) but, fortunately, he spotted Changbin, Felix and Minho coming up the beach in their direction. Thank God! A distraction! “Guys,” he shouted.

 

The surfing trio looked up at the sound of his voice. All of them carried their boards under their arms, their hair soaking wet and their bodies covered in sand.

 

“How were the waves,” Seungmin called out to them.

 

“Phenomenal,” said Changbin as he approached. “Nice and high. Must be the storm churning things up out there.”

 

“Glad we came today,” Felix agreed.

 

Minho had peeled out of the top half of his wetsuit like a selkie shedding its seal skin and his bare torso looked a tad magnificent. He pointed at Hyunjin and Seungmin holding hands, his eyes wide with wonder. “Oh oh oh oh, so I _didn’t_ imagine that. It’s real. It’s real!” He jumped up and down giddily like a child coming down the stairs to see presents beneath the Christmas tree.

 

“Minho, please,” Changbin attempted, elbowing him in the side.

 

Felix said nothing. He went out of his way to avoid looking up at the couple.

 

Seungmin bit his bottom lip. This was going to eat him alive! He didn’t want Felix to be pissed at him. He didn’t want to ruin things. He attempted to pull his hand free of Hyunjin’s but the taller boy must have caught on to his intentions because he held fast, not letting go.

 

The three boys propped up their surfboards and joined them at the railing. Changbin beside Seungmin, Minho a relatively safe distance from Hyunjin, and Felix even farther away.

 

“Are we going to see any movies this weekend,” Seungmin blurted out. It was the only thing he could think of to keep the ball rolling. “It’ll have to be Saturday.”

 

“Sorry. I’ve got a date with Dahyun,” Minho boldly declared. He used his free hand to dig sand out from between his toes.

 

“I’ll be out of town most of the weekend,” Changbin added. “College campus tour.”

 

Right. There was that. Seungmin asked, “What school are you looking at?”

 

“That film school up in Busan,” explained Changbin. “I want to be a director.”

 

“Really?” Seungmin asked. “I had no idea.”

 

“Me neither,” Minho butted in, leaning around Hyunjin to point an accusing finger at his friend. “We’ve been friends for so long.” He dramatically wailed, “How could you!”

 

Changbin ignored him. “What do you want to go to school for?”

 

Minho scrunched up his face in deep thought. “I was thinking of training to be a police officer.”

 

“I was asking Seungmin, but okay,” Changbin huffed.

 

“You serious?” Felix asked. “About being a cop?”

 

“Deathly,” said Minho. “Why not?”

 

“You don’t want to be an actor,” wondered Changbin. “You should be an actor.”

 

“Nah,” Minho waved away the suggestion. “I do that to have fun, not to work.” Just like he surfed to have fun, not to win tournaments.

 

“I still want to be a pro surfer,” Felix said. “I’ve been practicing every day. I’d sign up for more tournaments but I don’t like making future plans these days. Never know when I’ll have to go.”

 

Oh… There was _that_ , too. Seungmin completely deflated. Everything was falling apart.

 

“What about you, Seungmin?” Minho questioned.

 

It had been a topic Seungmin had given zero thought until right that second. Even after all of his talk of college prep with Woojin, Seungmin hadn’t considered what he would do himself when he graduated high school. That was a year away. It felt so far. Too far away to worry about. “Maybe I’ll do what my Mom couldn’t do and go to culinary school.” It had been her dream, after all. A dream she had to give up for something safer and more financially stable when she suddenly found herself a single parent with two growing boys. “I’ll open the bakery she so badly wanted.”

 

“Aww, that’s so cute,” cooed Changbin.

 

“Look at you being a good son,” Minho added.

 

“Anyways,” Seungmin spoke up, “what about you, Hyunjin? What do you want to be?”

 

Hyunjin crumpled up the paper his crepe had come wrapped in and shoved it into his pocket. “I want to be a teacher.”

 

“Like… for judo?” Minho asked. “Taekwondo?”

 

“No. A school teacher.”

 

Changbin and Minho burst out laughing. Even Seungmin started chuckling until he saw Hyunjin’s serious expression. He asked, “Is that… something you can do?” With your reputation? With your record?

 

“I can try,” Hyunjin stated.

 

A heavy quiet fell over them. Changbin leaned over the railing to catch Minho’s eye. Both of them wore sheepish, embarrassed expressions on their faces.

 

“Well,” Felix broke the silence. “We’re all trying, aren’t we? Nothing wrong with that.”

 

“It’s just very interesting,” said Changbin. “I don’t think any of us picked what was obvious. We were all surprised by everyone’s choices.”

 

“True,” Minho chimed in.

 

Seungmin never would have guessed that Changbin even had a mild interest in film. He also wouldn’t have pegged Minho for a police officer. A lawyer, maybe. A dancer. A professional mall Santa. Or some other career where he could perform in some shape or fashion in front of a rapt audience. Felix wanting to surf all of the time was probably the most natural decision from the group, but even then, Seungmin was certain that with grades like that, Felix would try for something more academic. Like a scientist or a marine biologist. Hyunjin wanting to be a teacher of all things… Now that was the very definition of a dream. That _couldn’t_ happen. It just wasn’t realistic. Right?

 

“Well, I gotta get going,” Changbin’s voice broke into the silence. “I’ve got a final project due next week that I haven’t even started.”

 

“See ya,” Minho sang out cheerfully, as if he didn’t have the exact same project.

 

“Later, man,” Felix huffed.

 

Then, to Seungmin, Minho said, “We should hang out again soon, though. You’re more than just my thirty-eighth husband to me. You’re my _friend_.”

 

Hyunjin chirped, “Huh?”

 

“It’s a joke,” Seungmin hurriedly explained. “He’s married to everyone and--” He turned to Minho with his head tilted to the side like a curious dog “--he somehow remembers the order in which he married them?”

 

“I told you, my heart’s big enough for everybody!” Minho stomped his foot indignantly.

 

Felix used that moment to grab his surfboard and slip away, not even saying goodbye.

 

For once, Seungmin did not notice. He said to Minho, “If you’re not busy Sunday, we can hang out.”

 

“Sure. Sure,” the guy said. “Later, bro.” Then he grabbed his board from where he had propped it up and then turned and jogged away, leaving the couple alone.

 

It didn’t take much longer for the sun to completely set, taking the last of its golden light with it. Seungmin was amazed he had even lasted through the day. It felt like weeks had passed since the sun rose and now he was tired as if he’d fought battle after battle. But here he was, tougher because of it. Softer because of it.

 

All of the lights along the boardwalk had flickered on and the blinking and colorful lights of the amusement park twinkled and blurred together on the dark blue horizon beyond the pier. It was getting late but Seungmin didn’t want this moment to end. He and Hyunjin were still holding hands. Seungmin couldn’t remember when they had last let go of each other. Hours had passed. With the beach this quiet and empty, it was easy to get lost in each other’s company. To just stand there and enjoy being together. Changbin, Minho and Felix had left ages ago now but the couple remained where they were, leaning on the rickety wooden railing with the wind in their hair and not saying anything as nighttime seeped in. Not needing to say anything. Except…

 

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin tested the name. It still felt surreal to speak it casually like this. To say it and have his heart palpitate with an emotion other than fright. Happily, proudly, he said it again: “Hyunjin.”

 

Hyunjin made eye contact with him. The yellow street lamp above them cast a hard line of dark shadow across Hyunjin’s face but even with most of his expression hidden, he still looked serene. Content. They held each other’s gaze for a moment longer. “Hmmm?” Hyunjin hummed when the quiet ate up a few seconds.

 

Seungmin shook his head gently. “I just wanted you to look at me,” he said, mirroring the words spoken to him earlier that afternoon.

 

Hyunjin understood immediately. He turned his torso so that he was more directly facing Seungmin. He raised his free hand, the one not holding Seungmin’s, and placed it gently on Seungmin’s face. His calloused thumb swiped a warm arc over Seungmin’s cheek and the tickle of it made Seungmin grin.

 

He couldn’t let the moment slip away. “Kiss me?” Seungmin requested.

 

Hyunjin paused, a little taken aback. “Of course.” Then he leaned forward and pressed their mouths together.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“I would really appreciate it,” said Mom later that evening, “if you would make a decision, pumpkin. You know how I feel about you boys standing there gaping with the fridge door wide open. More food isn’t going to magically appear.”

 

It was one of her favorite sayings. Especially since the oldest of the Kim brothers had been nearly 11 years old before he finally seemed to wrap his head around the fact that the magic of coming home to new food in the fridge and cabinets was really just the not-so-magic of Mom going to the market on Mondays and bringing home fresh produce while the siblings were at school. Woojin had told Seungmin this repeatedly in his Nagging Older Brother voice but the younger Kim brother had continued to believe it was the work of fairies until he, too, had nearly turned 11 years old.

 

There must have been something about that number.

 

Or maybe that was just the year Seungmin’s family as he had known it had started to change and the world had become a lot more _real_. A lot less magical.

 

“I’m just looking, Mom,” Seungmin called back. It was almost time to start getting ready for bed but he wouldn’t be able to get much sleep if he didn’t do this now.

 

“You’ve been standing there over a minute,” Mom let him know.

 

“I’ll be quick, I swear.” Seungmin had been checking the fridge for ingredients to cook with, trying to come up with a menu for tomorrow’s dinner. He thought about his visit to Hyunjin’s house and easily recalled that feeling of awe he got walking into that huge, perfect kitchen. “How come nothing in here is fancy,” he asked.

 

“Fancy,” Mom repeated cautiously. She was dusting and rearranging the trinkets and novels on the bookshelf in the living room, but now she watched her youngest son stare into the fridge. “What do you mean by fancy?”

 

“I don’t know…” Seungmin started. “Just fancy.” What would a boy who lived in a house like that, who ate in a kitchen like _that_ , enjoy to eat? Hyunjin probably got fed all sorts of posh and uppercrust things in that house. Steak? Or maybe lamb. Totally lamb! Pasta Puttanesca? Nah. Caviar? Some imported fruits, for sure. Things he couldn’t even pronounce. Seafood from a distant ocean! Absolutely. “Why don’t we have any… lobster? Yeah, lobster.”

 

Mom asked, “Do you know how to cook a lobster?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Then I have no reason to buy any.”

 

“But Mom,” Seungmin objected, still searching the shelves in the fridge and moving things around as if he’d somehow missed something behind the box of fried chicken take-out. “We need something _fancy_ for dinner.”

 

Mom abandoned her cleaning duties and stepped into the kitchen. For a moment, she stood next to her son, wiping off her hands on her apron. When Seungmin continued to stand there, however, she nudged the fridge door out of his hand and gently shut it. “Is this about your boyfriend coming over tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah,” Seungmin agreed quickly, looking over at her. “I want to impress him.”

 

“He’s already been impressed if he likes you.”

 

Seungmin dodged the compliment. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, but I need to make something really spectacular to blow his socks off.”

 

“As I recall,” she countered, “Hyunjin had no problems eating up the food Woojin made last week. Didn’t we talk about this?”

 

“Yeah, but neither of us knew he was coming for dinner when that meal was cooked. I didn’t know he was staying for dinner until like five seconds before he took a seat at the table.”

 

Mom backed out of the kitchen and resumed cleaning up the bookshelf, wiping down the old wood with a cloth that was damp with an oil soap that smelled a tad like lemons. “He still enjoyed the evening, did he not? Enough to want to come back. We didn’t cook anything specifically for him then so we shouldn’t cook anything specifically for him tomorrow, either.”

 

“I mean…”

 

“He’s not allergic to anything, is he? Does he have any other dietary restrictions,” Mom insisted.

 

“Not that he’s told me.”

 

“Then don’t make something you wouldn’t want to eat yourself.”

 

Seungmin followed her into the living room. “Yeah, but--”

 

“Pumpkin. This boy likes you for _you_ , doesn’t he?”

 

Seungmin lost his nerve. “I guess!” He realized he’d raised his voice so he lowered it. “He asked me out and all.”

 

“Let me put it this way. Have you ever done anything fancy for him before?”

 

“No, Mom.” He didn’t think he was fancy at all.

 

“Does he like you because you cook fancy foods and do fancy things?”

 

He frowned. “...No. I doubt it.”

 

“Exactly,” Mom declared. “He likes you because you’re Kim Seungmin.”

 

“But that’s the problem, Mom. Kim Seungmin is boring. Kim Seungmin has problems. So Kim Seungmin has to make up for that!”

 

Mom had to get on the step stool to reach the top row of the bookshelf. She began wiping it down, being mindful of all the dust. “Everyone has problems, pumpkin. Nobody's perfect but we can love each other regardless.”

 

“Yeah… but…” Seungmin lost his train of thought. This was Hyunjin they were talking about. A bear of a boy who cared so little about what other people thought of him that he didn’t even want Seungmin to rebuke their foul statements and awful impressions. How could he live up to that? “I want him to be comfortable.”

 

“And the only way he can be comfortable is eating lobster, Seungmin?”

 

“Maybe? I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

 

“Pumpkin,” Mom tsked. She wiped down the last section of the shelf and then stacked the books up nice and neat. “I’m not buying a lobster.”

 

“He’s not just some regular guy so I have to cook something to eat that’s not so regular.”

 

“What did I just say,” Mom said sternly. “He likes you because you’re you. Not because you’re pushing yourself to act a certain way.”

 

Seungmin ran a hand through his hair and let out a frustrated groan. He had a feeling he wasn’t explaining himself very well. It wasn’t just that Hyunjin was rich, it was that Hyunjin started liking him because of that letter and that letter was big and expansive and free like the entirety of the night sky while Kim Seungmin was nowhere close to that size. If that was what Hyunjin started to like, wouldn’t he eventually see that the real Seungmin was nothing close? Even after how great the afternoon had went with Hyunjin, he still couldn’t shake his doubts. “He likes me now but he’s going to realize he made a mistake soon.”

 

This made Mom pause. She sat down her cleaning cloth and stared at her son from the top of the stool. “Pumpkin, don’t be silly.”

 

“I’m scared, Mom,” he half-whispered. “We aren’t anything alike. He’s never watched anime. Doesn’t know much about video games. I talk and talk and talk but he hardly says a word. Sometimes, I don’t make sense to myself but he never lets go of my hand.” Seungmin pulled at his hair until the pain across his scalp matched the pain inside of his head. In other words, he was pulling mighty hard. He had dreamed of the perfect relationship, imagining all of the cute pet names and funny stories and fiery kisses, but Felix had always been at the center of those dreams. Seungmin trembled a little. “How does Hyunjin like me, Mom? How does he look at me and like _me_?”

 

Mom lowered herself down off of the step stool. She grabbed Seungmin’s wrists and eased his fingers out of his hair. “Seungmin…”

 

He went on, “Maybe if I was smarter or cooler or braver… Maybe if I could cook him fancy foods or properly stick up for him in a fight or something… Maybe if I acted tough like his friends, I could understand why he likes me. But I’m none of those things. Not even close.”

 

“You don’t have to put on an act to be liked,” Mom’s voice was quiet. “You are Kim Seungmin and you don’t need to be anyone else, do you hear me?” She wrapped an arm around Seungmin’s neck and pulled him into a hug. Her voice was warm and gentle and wrapped around her youngest son like a soft cotton blanket. “He likes you because you’re my sweet little boy and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

 

He almost laughed. “Do you mean I can’t do anything about him liking me or I can’t do anything about being your boy?”

 

“Both,” she stated with a snicker. Then she let out a sigh and her voice got all serious. “Just do it, Seungmin. You’re going to waste so much time waiting for the stars to align perfectly. You’re going to be twenty wishing you were a teenager again. You’re going to be thirty wishing you were twenty. Forty wishing you were thirty. So on and so on until you can’t wish for anything because you’re gone from this world.”

 

“Wow, Mom. That’s morbid.”

 

“I’m just trying to let you know. Take a risk, pumpkin. Go all out. You may never get a chance at this again.”

 

“Is this about culinary school,” he asked.

 

“It’s about whatever you want it to be about.”

 

He let his mind wander a little bit. To all of the times he’d caught Hyunjin looking at him in class or in the hall or at the beach. All of the times he heard Hyunjin giggling at him. It was true. Seungmin had done nothing fancy or out of the ordinary to get the boy’s attention. Things had started with that letter but they had grown beyond that. Seungmin had done everything to stump that growth, if he were honest, but things had gone this way still. It almost seemed inevitable that he and Hyunjin would wind up like this. They had spent the whole afternoon together and Seungmin had been some weird, rambling mess for most of it but Hyunjin still liked him by the end of it anyways. Hyunjin held his hand and kissed him if he asked and _looked_ at him and all of that was new. All of that was scary. So so so scary. But it was okay. It was going to be okay.

 

Mom put a hand on the back of Seungmin’s neck and pressed his head against her shoulder. “Why would you try to be something you’re not for him?” She rocked them from side to side like she used to do when Seungmin was very young. The movement made him close his eyes and sigh. She said, “If you started behaving in any other way, don’t you think he would stop liking you? If you change into something you’re not to be the person you _think_ he wants to see, neither of you will be happy.”

 

Seungmin stood there and allowed himself to be swaddled. At least the storm in his head had died down.

 

“Just be yourself,” she whispered into his ear. “Even if it’s scary.”

 

 _Just fall for him_ , Seungmin thought. _Even if it’s scary_.

 

As if able to tell that he’d calmed down, Mom spun him around and pointed him towards the kitchen. “Now finish up _tonight’s_ dinner,” she urged him on with a light swat on the bottom. “Your brother will be back from his tennis match any minute.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It was just shy of two in the morning when Seungmin was shaken awake by his phone vibrating. He was still halfway inside of his dreams. In his head, it was cold and snowing and the whole ocean was frozen and he was stranded, far from home. As if to ground him in the present, his phone buzzed again. Now he was in his room. His stuffed animals and anime figurines stared down at him menacingly from the shelves of his bookcase. His phone vibrated again. Goddammit. Who could this be? Ugh. His head still a little foggy from being woken up so abruptly, he reached out a hand and fumbled beneath the sheets and between his pillows until his fingertips found the device. He checked the screen. An unknown number? He didn’t want to be bothered but now he at least wanted to know who the hell was calling.

 

Groggily, he answered, “Hello?”

 

There was silence on the other end of the line.

 

“Hello?” Seungmin tried again a little louder but there was still no response. Fuck. A prank call in this day and age? For real? He started to pull his phone away from his ear to disconnect the call.

 

“It’s Felix.”

 

Seungmin pushed the phone to his ear and said “Hello” a third time because maybe he was losing his mind or something because _what_?

 

In his clear and low voice, Felix said, “It’s me.”

 

Shit! Seungmin basically leaped out of bed, sitting up so quickly that his comforter fell to the floor. Then he remembered what time it was. Knowing his family was still asleep, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Felix? What’s going on? Are you hurt?” He wiped the sleep from his eyes, trying to wake himself up more completely. Did he have to sneak out of the house for a friend again? Only bad things happened at this time of night.

 

“Don’t freak out,” Felix said calmly. “I’m at home. I know I woke you up, but--”

 

Felix had stopped speaking so abruptly that Seungmin held his phone away from his ear just to make sure the call was still active. “What is it,” he asked, totally worried. The house felt so still. Seungmin was trying to be quiet but he feared that every creak of his bed springs would wake up his brother in the next room. He feared his voice would carry to the other side of the hallway and wake his mother.

 

“I don’t know when I’m leaving,” said Felix after a while. “So I want to say this before I go. I want...” He trailed off again.

 

The quiet grew so suffocating that Seungmin thought his heartbeat could be heard halfway around the world. “What did you want to say,” he prompted, his voice barely above an exhaled breath.

 

“I know it’s too late,” Felix began, “and I know I probably missed the timing on everything, but… I like you.”

 

Seungmin flopped back onto his bed. All of the air in his lungs whooshed out of his mouth. His hand went so numb that he dropped his phone onto the pillow next to his head. It felt like he was sinking through his mattress, through the floor beneath his bed, through the ground beneath the house. He was falling falling falling. And maybe dying a little, too. He knew Felix liked him, he had guessed as much based on his behavior, but now he _knew_ and that knowledge was so big and so powerful that his first instinct was to be afraid of it. “You like me? Are you sure?”

 

“I’m…” Felix audibly struggled with his words, stutter-stepping over syllables before he finally managed, “I’m positive.”

 

Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut. This was wrong, wasn’t it? This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen at all! But he remembered what Mom said about nobody being perfect. About how it was useless to keep waiting and waiting for things to be _right_. “Why now?” Why now when it was far too late? When the opportunity was long gone and Seungmin had found someone else? Why now when a whole ocean threatened to tear them apart? “Why… now?”

 

He could hear Felix’s voice come through the phone, “I’m telling you because my father and I could be leaving for the airport any day now but I wanted to tell you before I left.”

 

Mustering his strength, Seungmin lifted the phone to his ear once more. Part of him wished that Felix _hadn’t_ told him because, goodness gracious, what was he supposed to do now? Couldn’t he start this game over from the beginning? Couldn’t he load up another save file where he hadn’t made terrible decision after terrible decision. “Felix,” he exhaled. He wanted to say that it was too late. He wanted to say that they should stop things right here. “Felix, you should--”

 

“Can I ask you one thing?”

 

Seungmin gulped. There was going to be trouble. Oooh, things were going to go _badly_ but he couldn’t stop his curiosity. He needed to know. He needed to find out how far this would go. “Ask me.”

 

“I know you’re dating Hyunjin now,” Felix’s words tumbled out of his mouth faster and faster, a deluge of feelings, “and I know I’m a little slow to pick up on things that aren’t in a textbook and because of that I didn’t really realize until recently that you acted weird around me because you liked me instead of hated me and I _know_ I’ve been an asshole who probably doesn’t even deserve you lately and I know I’m leaving soon so none of this even fucking matters and even I don’t even get why I wanted to call you and tell you any of this or why I’m even _thinking_ of asking you this… but if I were staying, if I didn’t have to leave for Australia, would you give me a chance still?”

 

“Yes.” The word was out of Seungmin’s mouth before he even understood the depth of it. A long moment passed. Seungmin could hear Felix breathing on the other end of the line. Seconds ticked by. So many of them that Seungmin once again wondered if the call was still connected, if he wasn’t just lucid dreaming and only dredging up this conversation from deep within his subconscious.

 

Then Felix let out a humorless laugh. It should have been the answer he wanted but he sounded dejected. “Alright. Just thought I would ask. That’s all I wanted to ask.” His voice was gravelly with exhaustion and regret. He went quiet again, probably listening to Seungmin’s rapid, shallow breaths. Then, when nearly an entire minute had slipped by, he said, “Let’s pretend we didn’t talk tonight.” And without waiting for Seungmin to respond, without waiting for Seungmin to really wrap his head around what Felix had even said, the call ended.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Friday morning, it was apparent that bad weather was on the way.

 

Seungmin could see it in the black clouds gathering out over the ocean.

 

Seungmin could feel it in the unsettling grayness taking root in his heart.

 

Today wasn’t going to be his best of days and he feared he couldn’t weather the storm.

 

“At least I brought my umbrella this time,” Seungmin mused aloud.

 

“Hmm? What? What did you say?” Jisung asked from several paces ahead of him.

 

“Nothing. Just talking to myself.”

 

They were walking to school. It was the same road they took every morning but the path felt foreign and unknowable to Seungmin that morning. He knew where he was going but he didn’t _know_ where he was going. He thought he knew… He had spent the last few days figuring that all out but it had taken one phone call and one word to screw that all up. Seungmin attempted to distract himself by swinging his umbrella around as if it were a sword and he was slicing his way through invisible enemies. He couldn’t believe what he’d gotten himself into. Felix had asked him such a dangerous, volatile question and Seungmin had said yes with no hesitation. No uncertainty. When he had woken up that morning, he still tried to convince himself that it had all been a dream, but he had checked his phone and had seen that number in his contact list. He had even called it and gotten Felix’s voice mail. Last night had really happened. What scared Seungmin more was that he _wasn’t_ scared that last night had happened. He had said ‘yes’ and there was a strong possibility he would have the exact same answer ready if he went back in time and Felix asked him that again. Hell, if Felix showed up in front of him right then, he would say yes with the same lack of fear.

 

“You okay back there?” Jisung shouted at him. “You’re walking mighty slow, man.”

 

Seungmin snapped himself out of it. Jisung was already on the other side of the drawbridge waiting impatiently.

 

“Hurry up,” Jisung chanted. “Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurr--”

 

“Christ, I’m coming,” Seungmin hollered, finally catching up.

 

Jisung misinterpreted his ghastly expression. “Did you stay up all night playing a game? Ugh. Did you get something new without fucking telling me?”

 

“No, nothing like that.” Side by side, they started the last bit of their commute. There was a chilly edge to the wind even though the air was still thick and hot. The palm trees and pines on the side of the road rustled and danced as lightning flickered ominously beneath the dark clouds. Seungmin sighed. “I’m just feeling meh.”

 

“Did Woojin use up all of the hot water again?” Jisung leaned in close. “Is that why you look like that?”

 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Seungmin gently pushed his face away. “Just had a really terrible dream.” A dream in which he’d broken Hyunjin’s heart.

 

“It must have messed you up bad if it’s got you looking this haunted.”

 

“It fucked me up,” Seungmin admitted. “But I’m worrying for no reason. It was just a dream.” A flight of fancy. An opportunity he could not take. A door that was slamming shut in his face even as he reached for it. Felix was leaving, after all. Today, maybe. Or over the weekend. It didn’t matter what weird, twisted promises they made. Felix was about to be in a completely different country so it didn’t matter what they missed out on. What they could have been. “I’ll feel better after a coffee from the student store.” Maybe three. Four if his heart could take it. Maybe that many even if it couldn’t.

 

“Or,” Jisung suggested, “you can come down with something absolutely dreadful and we can skip class in the nurse’s office!”

 

Seungmin attempted a fake cough.

 

Jisung frowned. “Not believable at all. Put some phlegm in it.” He demonstrated with a pretty nasty-sounding cough.

 

Seungmin screwed up his face in disgust. “Ugh. Gross. Why don’t you be sick, then?”

 

“I was sick last time! It’s your turn. He won’t fall for it if I’m sick twice in a row.”

 

“You weren’t even sick last time.”

 

“That’s why it’s gotta be _your_ turn.”

 

Seungmin tried his best cough again but it wasn’t much more convincing than his first attempt.

 

Jisung tsked and shook his head, absolutely not impressed. “Do it from your diaphragm. Again!”

 

“Are you my voice coach now?”

 

Jisung smacked him in the shoulder. “No backtalk. Again! With feeling.”

 

Seungmin gave another fake cough only to wind up choking and then actually having to cough.

 

“Yes. Like that!” Jisung cheered him on, clapping. “Get your spit involved.” He laughed like an evil mastermind only to falter when he realized Seungmin was genuinely struggling to catch a breath. He smacked his best friend hard in the center of his back. “Too much spit. Too much spit!”

 

Eventually, Seungmin recovered and wiped at his mouth with his shirt sleeve. “A bad cough isn’t going to work. We need a new plan.”

 

“If you drink a really hot coffee and then Mr. Ok takes your temperature with that tongue thing, we can fake a convincing fever.”

 

“It’ll be less painful if you just chop off my tongue with a spoon.”

 

They were on the last stretch of road in front of the school now and the sidewalk was crowded with their schoolmates. Red ties and white dress shirts everywhere. Everyone carried on normally, practically ignoring the gathering storm. It was just a little rain, after all. Felix, Minho and Changbin came out of the convenience store right as Seungmin and Jisung were turning towards the school gate.

 

Seungmin looked up at the sound of the surfer’s braying laughter and made eye contact with Felix from across the street. Felix held his gaze for a mere moment and then turned away to rejoin the conversation with his friends as if he hadn’t even seen Seungmin.

 

Oh.

 

“Okay,” Jisung said, continuing to formulate a get-out-of-class-free plan. He said, “How about we sprain an ankle or a wrist? Should we flip a coin? Will you trust me with your ligaments?”

 

Seungmin turned back to his best friend. “Hell to the fuck no, my dude.” He pushed Felix out of his mind. That conversation hadn’t happened last night. That was the condition Felix had set. What they had talked about didn’t count because that entire discussion had never happened in the first place. It was a figment of their imagination, a shared hallucination, and was not to be brought up again. Everything was back to normal. Including Jisung’s atrocious ideas. “Give me like ten minutes,” Seungmin told him. “And I’m pretty sure I’ll have a tension headache caused by life-ending levels of stress.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It was halfway through second period when Lee Felix, of all students, let his phone go off in the middle of class. Something loud, bass heavy and profanity-laden that had their teacher sputtering to a halt in her lecture and gazing over in Felix’s direction with unbelieving horror in her eyes. Except for the constant hum of the rain on the windows, Felix’s ringtone was the only sound in the room. Felix was Mr. Perfect Scores. Mr. Follow Every Rule. Mr. Teacher’s Pet. He was the last person anyone expected to have his phone go off in class. Even more shocking, Felix let it ring for several seconds before he even seemed aware of the noise. He stopped his note-scribbling and reached for his phone like it was an afterthought. Any other student under most circumstances would hastily decline the call, maybe even put it on vibrate or cut their phone completely off, but Felix _answered_ it. Right then and there with the whole class staring at him slack-jawed.

 

“Hello,” he spoke into the phone. And then his whole posture went rigid, “Father? Yes. Why-- Right now?” Only then did he glance around the room and realize that numerous pairs of eyes were fixed on him. He made eye contact with Seungmin across the aisles and then hastily looked away. Felix continued his conversation. “Yes, sir. But-- Can you say that again? ...Right now? But I’m in class and--”

 

“Felix,” their teacher prompted, stepping away from the podium to hover in front of his desk. “Can you not disturb the other students?”

 

“WHAT?” Felix shrieked. For a moment, Seungmin thought the redhead was reacting to the teacher in such a way but Felix obviously hadn’t even heard her and his attention was still on his phone. The redhead stood up so quickly that his chair tumbled over, clattering onto the floor and making the girl who sat behind him yank her feet back to keep her toes safe. Everything on Felix’s desk went cascading to the floor when he rammed into the corner of it with his hip. “RIGHT NOW?” He gripped his phone so hard that his hand shook.

 

“Felix,” their teacher desperately repeated, trying to stay calm as the other students began to whisper and point and take out their own phones.

 

Felix pulled at his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. Still on the phone, he spun around and ran out of the classroom, bumping desks and sending notebooks tumbling to the floor in his wake. Stillness didn’t return to the room until he’d slammed the door shut behind him.

 

Jisung turned around in his chair and raised an eyebrow in Seungmin’s direction.

 

This was odd.

 

Seungmin felt jittery all of a sudden. His body was instantly filled to the brim with anxious energy. He worried if Felix’s father was calling to tell him that they were leaving. If Felix’s repeating of the phrase ‘right now’ was any indication, did it mean he would be gone for good _right now_ ? Was him storming out of the classroom going to be the last time Seungmin saw him? He stood up. His legs felt like jelly and he nearly lost his balance just standing still. No. He was not going to just stay in class while Felix _left_. He was not going to twiddle his thumbs and never get to say goodbye. He rushed down the aisle and towards the sliding door, yanking it open.

 

Their teacher bellowed, “Seungmin, I did not give you permission to leave.”

 

So what? He ran out into the hall and slammed the door shut behind him.

 

Where was Felix? Where was he?

 

Seungmin searched the halls in both directions but did not see the boy. He must have really took off running. He could be anywhere. Anywhere! Seungmin took a step forward only to stop with his foot in the air.

 

What was he _doing_?

 

If Felix left, he could live stress free. He could forget about that conversation on the phone that they had. Things could go back to being simple. Even right now, he should be sending Hyunjin a ‘Did you sleep well?’ text and minding his own damn business. He shouldn’t be running after Felix. That was one shooting star he had waited too long to wish on.

 

He shouldn’t.

He shouldn’t.

He shouldn’t.

 

But he did.

 

He sprinted down the hall.

 

Lightning flickered, lighting up the hallway ahead of him in a bluish flicker for an instant before the shadows came back. He passed classroom after classroom and every time he ran past a classroom door, curious heads looked up in his direction. His lungs were already burning just from doing so little but he pushed himself. He had to catch up. He at least had to say goodbye. He didn’t want to break apart by himself.

 

Seungmin turned the corner.

 

There he was. There he was!

 

Seungmin skidded to a halt, breathless.

 

Felix was leaning against the wall next to the entrance of the stairs. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. His eyes were all dark and wide and his mouth hung open in shock. His phone lay dropped and forgotten on the floor by his feet.

 

Thunder crashed. So sharply and so loudly that Seungmin jumped.

 

He must have made some kind of noise because Felix looked up at him. Their eyes met from opposite ends of the hall but, unlike earlier that morning outside of the convenience store, Felix held his gaze.

 

“It’s you,” Felix exhaled. “Seungmin.” He made the name sound like it was being played by violins.

 

“Felix,” Seungmin said back, his lungs still aching, his heart still pounding. “What did he say?” He slowly approached Felix, afraid the boy would run away and never look back and then leave forever and that would be _it_. “What’s going to happen now?”

 

Felix let out a choking noise that might have been a sentence.

 

“Can you say that again,” Seungmin asked, so terrified of the answer that his hands were trembling.

 

Felix repeated himself. “He turned it down.”

 

“Huh? What?”

 

Felix said, “Father told me that he turned down the job offer.” He pushed himself off of the wall. A smile slowly bloomed across his face. “I get to stay. We’re _staying_.”

 

“What,” Seungmin said again, this time in delight rather than confusion.

 

“I don’t have to leave!” Felix started running towards Seungmin, laughing wildly, his hair going every which way.

 

Seungmin held out his arms just in time to allow Felix to crash into him. A new universe was created, exploding outward in one big bang. They hugged, pushing into each other. Seungmin laughed out, “That’s wonderful. I mean, that’s really amazing. You don’t have to go! You can finish school here. You can stay.” He said everything except what he truly wanted.

 

“Yeah.” Felix was still laughing, sounding a tad manic. “He legitimately changed his mind just now. Said he had found a reason to stay. I guess me begging him wasn’t enough.”

 

“Still, I’m so happy for you.” Seungmin didn’t know what came over him. Joy burst out from inside of him. He lifted the smaller boy up in his arms a little and started spinning them around and around, so fast that Felix’s feet left the ground. Faster and faster until he was stumbling and they were both laughing.

 

“I’m flying,” Felix cried out. And maybe he was crying a little bit, too.

 

They kept spinning and spinning until it felt like they had floated far, far, far above the surface of the earth, lights twinkling in front of Seungmin’s eyes like distant city lights. “We’re flying.”

 

Seungmin ran out of strength and lowered Felix back to the ground. In his dizziness, he could see two of Felix. Two button noses. Two heads of dyed red hair. Two smiling faces. Two pink mouths rising up towards him. It was like driving off a cliff. Gravity letting go. Everything he ever wanted.

 

But…

 

Thunder rumbled. Guilt shot through Seungmin’s rib cage. He squeezed his eyes shut and swerved away at the very last second.

 

He waited.  
He waited.

 

Seungmin opened his eyes slowly. The two of them were no longer flying around the world but back in the school hallway, the waxed tiled floors reflecting the washed-out ceiling lamps. Felix was very close. Felix was _right there_. A breath away. But…

 

“I’m going to go tell Changbin and Minho,” Felix muttered, pulling away. “Tell the teacher it was an emergency.”

 

Seungmin let go of him reluctantly, still shaking a little bit with the adrenaline of their near-miss, their almost catastrophe.

 

Slowly, Felix backed away. There was fear in his eyes. As if he had either recognized how big of an action a kiss was or, maybe, how big of an action _refraining_ from a kiss was. Now things felt even more final between them. Just in a different way than being an ocean apart. Felix stepped backwards towards the stairs, holding Seungmin’s gaze for another long and chaotic moment. Then, at long last, he spun around and charged up the stairs to the third floor.

 

Thunder boomed.

 

The storm was raging outdoors but there was still a crackling, electric energy sizzling away indoors. Seungmin had goosebumps. His mouth tingled even though nothing had happened, even though Felix had stopped just shy of ruining everything. Fuck. Seungmin sighed and slumped against the wall, sliding down it until he’d turned into a spineless puddle on the floor. He hated himself for being so ready for it. He hated himself for wanting it so bad still. He should have been relieved that nothing had happened, that things had stopped before there was no going back, that Felix had walked away.

 

He should have been relieved but he hated how willing he was to make such a bad decision.

 

Seungmin looked up in the direction of the stairwell. He couldn’t hear Felix’s footsteps on the stairs anymore so perhaps the boy was already on the third floor and rushing to the classrooms of his friends. It was an opportunity, Seungmin realized. There was still a chance. He could run up the stairs and follow Felix to the edge of everything, but he didn’t even have the strength to stand. With a strained exhale, he stared down at his hands in his lap. His fingers were still shaking.

 

He wondered how long he and Felix could keep pretending that phone call hadn’t happened after this.


	22. In Which The Snaggletooth Gremlin Inputs A Forbidden Cheat Code, Breaks The Game And, Outrageously, Becomes Level 1XX!!

“Wish that you would talk to me

Because I don’t really know just what to think.”

 

Makes Me Wonder by Ella Mai

 

Was this it for them? Seungmin asked himself a valid question.

 

Was this as far as he and Felix were allowed to go? Because it felt like something had just ended. Felix was staying in town, true, but the second the redhead had turned away and gone up the stairs a few moments ago, it felt like Felix had given up on him. If Seungmin hadn’t turned his head, if he’d let Felix kiss him, would the boy still be here? Could they be together right now?

 

Shit.

 

He couldn’t believe what he was doing. He couldn’t believe what he was _thinking_!

 

No no no no. This was just his hormones talking and it couldn’t be a true representation of how he felt. No! There was no way he would give up everything he’d just made with Hyunjin like that! There was no way he’d break the delicate little thing they had created together. Right?

 

Right?

 

Seungmin’s heart sped up. It rumbled in his chest with the same vibrations as the thunder outdoors.

 

“Get it together,” he told himself.

 

He still sat in a heap on the tile floor of the hallway, listening to the rain fall against the windows above his head. When lightning danced through the sky, the bluish light filled the hallway and skewed shadows across the walls. Seungmin’s thoughts felt all twisted up. He had been so happy that Felix didn’t have to leave and he _should_ have been happy that he liked Felix and that Felix liked him. Everything was perfect. Nothing should have stopped them. But there was Hyunjin now and Seungmin had done the correct and upstanding thing as a loyal boyfriend by not letting Felix kiss him. So why did he feel so terrible? Why did he have to watch Felix walk away? _Again_. Seungmin sighed. He liked Hyunjin. He liked Hyunjin he liked Hyunjin he liked Hyunjin! He had made a decision. He had promised he wouldn’t run away.

 

...but.

 

No. There were no buts. He had made his choice and he was going to stick with it. He was satisfied.

 

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone.

 

His first thought was to call Felix but he knocked that instinct aside and he sent a message to Hyunjin instead: ‘Dinner is at six tonight. Can’t wait to see you.’

 

And he actually couldn’t wait to see him because maybe his heart would feel better. The stormy seas would settle down. Certainly, seeing Hyunjin would make him forget about Felix and then everything would go back to normal and he wouldn’t have to stress about Felix actually liking him and there would be no more problems and he could just be _happy_. Maybe seeing Hyunjin’s smile…

 

‘The sooner I see you, the better,’ came Hyunjin’s reply, followed soon after by a string of smiling emojis.

 

Seungmin couldn’t help but let loose an amused snort. It was the goofiest thing he’d gotten from Hyunjin yet and that was saying a lot. Had Hyunjin always been this mushy? Or was he the cause? Seungmin chuckled aloud. Now that made him feel a little bit better. But it also made him feel a little worse.

 

Hyunjin liked him _so much_ and Seungmin had done so little to have it. Even now, he was still debating and questioning. He was still hesitating before tossing himself in completely.

 

“I’m the worst person ever,” he mumbled. But he could try to be better. He could make a valiant attempt. He was only human, after all, and even if he didn’t know what he was doing, he could still try his best.

 

He opened up the web browser on his phone and tapped the bookmark for the site where he always uploaded his poetry. He hit ‘new post’ and began purging his emotions:

 

‘Worthiness. Deservedness,’ he typed, ‘Freedom. Love. Safety.’

 

Quick. Simple. That was always the best method.

 

The five words on his screen were like bloody daggers he had just pulled free from his chest. Even the act of typing them had relieved a significant amount of the burden. Inhale. Exhale. Calmness. Seungmin titled the piece ‘Things I Haven’t Earned’ and posted it without a second thought.

 

Feeling that much lighter, he finally managed to pull himself to his feet. He gave the stairwell one last glance, wishing that Felix would come down the stairs, wishing that they could have a talk and expose everything between them and maybe make a decision about things. Then, very suddenly, he wished that Felix wouldn’t come. That he wouldn’t be given a chance to fuck things up again. He waited for a few seconds, a few minutes, but there were no footsteps on the stairs.

 

Seungmin went back to class.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

After second period ended, Woojin ran up behind Seungmin in the hallway while he was on his way to the cafeteria for lunch. Woojin shouted, “Do you want this?”

 

Seungmin turned around and stopped walking at the sound of his brother’s voice. He took in the sight of the paper-wrapped object being held out to him. “What is it?”

 

“A sandwich,” Woojin explained, catching up to him. He wasn’t even out of breath after all of his running. “I wasn’t as hungry as I thought. I shouldn’t have gotten two. Do you want it or not?”

 

“Why do you think I need a sandwich?” Seungmin looked him up and down.

 

“Can’t I just look out for you?”

 

Seungmin didn’t say anything.

 

“You’re my brother.”

 

Eh. Maybe.

 

“Are you really going to act like this?” Woojin pressed.

 

Seungmin leaned close to him. “Are you high? I’m just standing here. I haven’t done or said anything. You’re the one getting angry all by yourself.”

 

Woojin took a deep breath and pulled himself together. “Sorry. Truly. I automatically assumed you’d be indignant simply based on past experience.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes before aiming his gaze back at the offered sandwich. He wasn’t even sure if he was hungry enough for it.

 

Woojin added, “Take it. Because I am positive that all you’ve had today are candy bars and strawberry milk.”

 

Damn. How was he always right? “But…” Seungmin hooked a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the cafeteria doors. “I’m on lunch.”

 

Woojin grabbed his brother’s wrist, pulled it towards him and pressed the sandwich into Seungmin’s hand. “It’ll be a waste of food and money if I toss it. Just take the damn thing.”

 

Seungmin unwrapped the paper. It was a thick and chunky handmade sandwich from the convenience store. Still a little chilly from the fridge section, the crust had been removed with surgical precision. The bread had been topped with egg salad and, surprisingly, strawberry jam. “Is it poisoned,” he had to ask.

 

“With the most concentrated dose of arsenic I could get my hands on,” Woojin deadpanned.

 

Seungmin took a big bite. It was good--delicious, even--to be so simple of a sandwich.

 

“Glad I gave it to you now?”

 

Seungmin held up his thumb and forefinger a hair’s width from each other, “A smidge.”

 

The older Kim brother visibly relaxed. “As long as you’re not fucking chucking it at the wall.”

 

“What?” Seungmin asked with his mouth full. He took another big bite and paused for a dramatic few seconds as he chewed. “Do you really think I’d do something like that?”

 

Woojin narrowed his eyes at him.

 

“I’ve never thrown fucking food at walls. Hello?” Seungmin couldn’t believe it! “Is that how you fucking think of me deep down? Do you really think I’m fucking capable of that?”

 

“I never know what you’re capable of. That’s why I have to be prepared for anything. Stay ready and you never have to get ready.”

 

“Why can’t you be nice and just hand over sandwiches without all of this extra stuff?” Seungmin waved his hand in Woojin’s general direction as if encompassing his entire being. “Why do you have to be you?”

 

“Why do you have to be you?” Woojin returned the question. He genuinely grinned and raised his hand to Seungmin’s head, smoothing out his brother’s hair in a gesture he hadn’t done since they were boys. “Just eat actual food sometimes, okay? You’ll wind up with pink pee.”

 

Seungmin grimaced, still chewing on his food. “Strawberry milk isn’t going to turn my pee pink.”

 

“But the blood leaking out of you while your organs rot from the inside out will.”

 

“Woojin!” Seungmin snapped. “I eat real food. I haven’t had a Butterfinger since first period.”

 

Woojin conceded, “Okay, okay. You can take care of yourself.” He lowered his hand from Seungmin’s hair. “Now get to the cafeteria.”

 

Seungmin shoved the last of the sandwich in his mouth. “And you get back to class. You’re always lurking in the shadows like a Nova permanently in stealth ready to snipe half my life bar away.”

 

“I don’t know what any of what you just said means,” Woojin said, still smiling, “but I love you, too.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

It was after school.

 

Fortunately, the rain had let up for the moment, leaving puddles all across the pavement and rain water noisily dripping off the corners of all of the roofs. The air was suffocatingly thick with humidity. For the time being, the storm was letting them breathe but the sky was still bleak and the wind was still high. Lightning bounced between the clouds and thunder rumbled as if the bottom was threatening to drop out again at any moment. Seungmin wanted to get home before it started pouring again but he highly doubted he’d make the walk home before it did.

 

He made his way down the stairs, umbrella clutched tightly in his hands in case he needed to spring it open at a moment’s notice.

 

The first thing he realized was that Jisung was not standing beneath the olive tree waiting for him.

 

The second thing he noticed was that Jihyo was. “Seungmin,” she called out to him, waving. She made her way towards him and met him at the bottom of the stairs. “Christ. Finally! Do you _really_ take so long after class every day? Half the school has left. No wonder Woojin stopped waiting for you.”

 

“Jihyo, what’s up,” he asked, ignoring her jabs at his pride. “Aren’t you hanging out with my brother today?” It was all Woojin could talk about. Shoulder to shoulder, they started towards the school gate.

 

“His match got cancelled because of the rain,” she informed him, “but you know how he is. He wants to practice anyway. A day off is the worst thing that could ever happen to him. As if skipping a day will turn him back into a rookie.” She was smiling, however, because she knew how important the sport was to him. “He managed to get a time slot in at the gymnasium so he’ll be there until half past four.”

 

“Aww,” Seungmin frowned, “he’s always putting tennis first.”

 

“It’s fine. I’ll see him at your house.”

 

That was alarming. “What? You’re coming over today? I’ve actually got--”

 

“Oh, I know you have plans.” Jihyo smirked knowingly. “I don’t plan on ruining them but I _did_ bring you a gift.”

 

“A gift,” Seungmin repeated dumbly. “My birthday isn’t for months.” They came to a stop right outside the school gates.

 

“I didn’t say it was a birthday present. It’s just a gift. I’m positive you’ll really like it!” She gestured in front of her.

 

Seungmin followed her pointed finger to the Maserati parked at the curb. As if waiting for his cue, the driver swung open the back door, revealing Jihyo’s ‘present.’ “Hyunjin,” Seungmin gasped out. A bolt of giddy happiness struck him like lightning.

 

“Good evening,” Hyunjin called out with a tiny wave and an equally tiny smile.

 

“Hi,” Seungmin said, returning the wave. Hyunjin had gotten dressed up. Nothing too extravagant, but he’d pulled out a decent button-down shirt and slacks. His hair was even impeccably straightened and combed. Seungmin hadn’t even thought of wearing anything but a comfy t-shirt and jeans. He hadn’t planned on this being _that_ kind of dinner.

 

Jihyo let him know, “Since I was going to your place, I offered him a ride.” She looked at Seungmin’s shocked expression, at the faint tinge of pink sweeping across his cheeks. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to intrude on your little date night. I’ve got my own family get together so I’ll be gone before dinner. I promise. Let’s go.”

 

They took all of three steps towards the car when Seungmin heard someone behind him call his name.

 

It was Felix. He’d recognize the voice anywhere. Even above the noise of the crowd and the encroaching storm. Despite himself, despite who he was walking towards and the night they could have together, Seungmin whirled around with an excited grin on his face. Except... his excitement didn’t last long. It evaporated as quickly as it had come to him, replaced with immediate despair.

 

Felix was near the bottom of the stairs but Jeongin was right next to him. It was like he couldn’t have one without the other.

 

In a mock-cheerful voice, the gremlin shouted, “Oh, it’s _you_. What a surprise!”

 

Pssh. “Surprise, my foot,” Seungmin grunted. He knew Jeongin had planned this very encounter.

 

“Something wrong,” Jihyo muttered, poking Seungmin in the side. “You look like you want to run for your life.”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Seungmin whispered to her. Though she was right about him wanting to flee. “Go on ahead. I won’t be long. Just need a minute.”

 

Jihyo clearly wasn’t buying it. She grabbed Seungmin by the elbow as if considering dragging him away but she must have reconsidered because she let him go. “Let’s not waste too much time. I want to beat your ass repeatedly in Mario Kart before I leave.” She stepped away and he watched the driver open the passenger door for her. He could see Hyunjin sitting in the back seat, perfectly still and uncomplaining and quiet. His hands were folded in his lap and his eyes were aimed in Seungmin’s direction through the open door, waiting waiting waiting.

 

Seungmin turned back around. “What do you want, Jeongin? I don’t have the time.”

 

“Can’t I just say hello,” Jeongin asked, crossing the last bit of courtyard that separated them. “Aren’t we friends?”

 

“No,” Seungmin said immediately. “Not even in Hell.”

 

Jeongin shrugged. “Well, _I_ think we’re friends.”

 

Felix walked up beside him with an almost robotic stiffness.

 

Seungmin grew more and more anxious as the three of them stood there by the gate. Nothing good could come of this. He could sense it in the air. He never liked running into Jeongin but there was something even darker about today and it wasn’t just the sky. Seungmin absolutely would not like how this conversation went and he knew this just by how widely the gremlin was smiling. Seungmin didn’t even have to use his imagination to picture Jeongin as some nigh-invincible RPG boss because the little guy was evil enough to be all of that in real life.

 

“And because I think we’re friends,” Jeongin continued in the most unfriendly voice known to mankind, “I wanted to share some good news with you.”

 

The Maserati beeped its horn aggressively.

 

Seungmin startled and looked over his shoulder. The driver was still standing by the open back door, his posture as straight up and down as the lighthouse. It was Jihyo who had honked the horn, gesturing wildly through the passenger door window at him. “I need to go,” Seungmin said, glancing back at Jeongin. “I have things to do.”

 

Such an excuse should have worked but Jeongin had an ace up his sleeve. “I’ve got something planned, too. My first _date_.” Jeongin jerked his head in the direction of the boy standing next to him. “With Felix.”

 

Seungmin’s fingers went numb. His face lost all of its color.

 

“Oh?” Jeongin was clearly enjoying this. He raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t know?”

 

“How would I know,” Seungmin replied flatly, emotionlessly, “when he never brings you up when we talk?”

 

It had been a statement of fact but it had also been a scathing insult. Jeongin recoiled but quickly regained his composure. “Well, it just happened. Naturally.” He puffed up his chest. “We really are dating now.”

 

Such words sounded absolutely ridiculous but it also made perfect sense because this was _Jeongin_ and the boy was maniacal enough to accomplish anything by any means. “Is that true?” Seungmin asked. He hooked his eyes in Felix’s direction.

 

“Yes,” Jeongin said with every fiber of his being.

 

“Yes,” Felix said, not looking away from Seungmin’s inquisitive gaze. “I’m going out with him now.” But he said it through gritted teeth so it sounded like the whole thing was a punishment. A penalty.

 

“I see,” Seungmin turned back to Jeongin and put on as best a smile as he could muster. “Congratulations.” This wasn’t something he ever would have expected. Jeongin was a wily little bastard, yes. Always one step ahead. Always squeezing himself in when there was no more room. He had been level 99 this whole time, after all, with skills and tricks and abilities in his repertoire that Seungmin hadn’t learned and could only imagine, but even then, Seungmin didn’t expect _this_ to be the boy’s final form: massive and quite ugly, sucking all of the air out of Seungmin’s lungs even as he took a deep breath. Jeongin was the embodiment of petty. More evil than the most evil of comic book villains. The physical manifestation of cruel. _This_ was what was on the other side of level 99. It wasn’t fair. It totally wasn’t fucking fair at all and he had to resist the urge to pout and cry out like a child because maybe this was what he deserved.

 

Jeongin had said they were similar. That meant Seungmin was cruel, too. In numerous ways. He _knew_ that. He wouldn’t be standing where he was right now if he wasn’t.

 

Seungmin repeated, “I see,” but it was more to himself than to his nemesis.

 

Jeongin grinned, pulling his lips away from his crooked teeth. “We started dating just today,” Jeongin explained even though no one present had asked him for the story. “We ran into each other in the hall and we got to talking. I confessed to Felix and told him that the red hearts the other week were from me and not you and that you stole that moment from me and we really cleared things up. I asked him to consider going out with me now that he could stay in town and, well, as they flippin’ say, the rest is history.”

 

Felix did nothing. He said nothing. He just stared at Seungmin with narrowed eyes and furrowed eyebrows as if willing Seungmin to _understand_.

 

But Seungmin didn’t understand. He couldn’t.

 

Felix was so confusing. So mindboggingly opaque. A one thousand piece puzzle except that the most important pieces were missing. Seungmin didn’t have the fucking time for this and he no longer had the patience. Jeongin aimed that fucking grin in his direction and Seungmin immediately wanted to beat the snot out of the dude. Any sane person would have let up when the other side surrendered but Jeongin had ignored the white flag and delivered one final, devastating blow aimed directly at Seungmin’s weakness.

 

It was practically bullying at this point.

 

Instead of responding to the obvious bait, Seungmin turned around and walked away in hopes of ending the conversation and going about his day. His mood could still be salvaged if he escaped before the damage grew too great.

 

“Halt,” Jeongin shouted at Seungmin’s back.

 

Seungmin stopped. He clenched his fists. His temper threatened to boil over but he forced himself to release the pressure and rub away the scowl on his face. He barely gave the gremlin a backwards glance over his shoulder. “What?”

 

“Don’t you have anything else to say,” Jeongin called out, obviously trying not to laugh. He was taunting Seungmin. He had clearly defeated his opponent and now he was smashing his victory in Seungmin’s face like the sorest winner on the goddamn planet. As if to further rub it in, Jeongin made a grab for Felix’s hand and the redhead wasted no time interlocking their fingers. It was the cruelest move. A boss’s charged attack that could instantly kill the entire party if the proper defenses weren’t in place.

 

Seungmin shuddered. His proper defenses were not in place.

 

What do you want me to say, Seungmin thought, that you won the love war that was already over and that you deserve everything and that I should bow to you? “No,” Seungmin said with a smile on his face. He shrugged and kept his tone light and cheerful despite being on the verge of falling apart. “Why would you think I’d say anything other than congratulations?”

 

Surprise swept over Jeongin’s face. He had been looking forward to a confrontation but was not getting one. “Because…” Jeongin blurted out. “I mean, I thought you--”

 

Jihyo beeped the Maserati’s horn again. Seungmin glanced at the ice-white car. Jihyo was waiting for him. Hyunjin was waiting for him. If he left with them, things would be alright. The people here only wanted to hurt him. “If that’s everything, you guys, I’ll get going,” said Seungmin with the kind of calmness only Buddhist monks possesed.

 

He started to walk away.

 

“What the hell is your problem, Kim Seungmin!?” It was Felix’s loud voice cutting into him.

 

Seungmin reluctantly turned around and met his eye.

 

The redhead looked at him with cold, hard disappointment painted on his face. It was obvious that the situation had gotten away from both of them and now the consequences were stretching like a gaping canyon between them. Bad decision after bad decision had led up to this moment and now both of them were standing here, desperately wanting to be with each other but being with other people.

 

This was stupid. If anyone should be asking about who had problems, it should be Seungmin asking Felix. Had he lost his mind? In the span of twenty-four hours, he’d ruined Seungmin’s feelings _three times_! Seungmin could wrap his head around Felix being jealous but he could not fathom what Felix was trying to do here by getting Jeongin directly involved in something that should have only been between the two of them.

 

“Seungmin,” Felix said. “Say something.” His expression was miserable and pleading. A thousand unspoken words flitted across his face.

 

Perhaps he was giving Seungmin the one shining opportunity to get exactly what he wanted. If Seungmin asked Felix out, if he stepped forward and asked that one simple question right this second, he knew Felix would say yes and claim him. Right here. Right here! In front of that smug asshole Jeongin. In front of innocent Hyunjin who didn’t deserve any of this. But what Felix failed to account for was that Seungmin was a _coward_. “See you guys later,” Seungmin waved over his shoulder and made his way towards the curb.

 

Felix called him again but Seungmin ignored him.

 

He slid into the back seat of the car and the driver shut the door behind him. The boy barely had a chance to relax into the seat when Hyunjin’s hand reached for his, grabbing on tight. The contact was exactly what he needed. Seungmin immediately melted at the touch. He let out the breath he’d been holding and squeezed Hyunjin’s hand very tightly.

 

“You’re shaking,” Hyunjin whispered, so softly that the words registered in Seungmin’s head as his own thoughts.

 

Jihyo turned around in the front seat. She pushed her hair behind her ear. “What was all of that about? Didn’t mean to listen in but it sounded pretty tense.”

 

“It was nothing,” Seungmin blatantly lied, grinning through his pain.

 

The other two knew it was a lie and, for some strange reason, they let him get away with it.

 

“Nothing at all happened.” Seungmin slumped backwards against the seat and stared out the window at Felix and Jeongin holding hands as the Maserati took off down the road.


	23. In Which There's An Open Door Policy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update came a little later than I intended but I blame the craziness of the holidays! Thank you for your patience! I know I keep saying it but I really didn't expect all of the love and support. It means a lot to me and I will keep trying my best to provide quality updates!!

“So why

Would I lie to my

Closest confidant

When all I want

Is all or none

All the time?”

 

I’ll Keep On Following You by hellogoodbye

 

“Argh,” Jihyo groaned. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Now that’s foul. Why would-- That’s just… Okay, that’s emotional abuse right there. That’ll ruin you as a person. Damage your psyche.”

 

Hyunjin frowned in silent but emphatic agreement.

 

“You’ll need therapy after that,” Jihyo added.

 

Seungmin said, “Don’t be a loon.” He licked his lips. “It’s fine.”

 

Jihyo leaned around her seat to look at him. “You think this is fine? This?”

 

“It’s not completely terrible,” Seungmin defended himself. He swallowed. “They could have went further, if you ask me.”

 

“You want it to be worse?”

 

Seungmin shrugged.

 

“You’re a masochist.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Why would you do that to yourself,” she asked him, turning back around in her seat and staring out the window. Her eyes were kind of glazed over in disbelief. “That was just one and I’m ready to fight someone. I’m ready to fucking _box_.”

 

The car was passing the beach. The sand was empty and lonely. The waves, still high and choppy from the storm, were reaching almost to the boardwalk in high tide. As soon as the road cut upwards into the hills, it began to drizzle again and the distant rumbling of thunder could be heard over the hiss of the tires on the road. The water droplets slowly gathered and pooled on the windshield before the driver cut on the wipers.

 

“Give me another one.” Seungmin reached out a hand. “No. Give me two. Fuck that. A whole handful. I’ll show you.”

 

Hyunjin snorted.

 

“Do you earnestly seek death?” Jihyo lifted the bag of sour candy she was holding and poured a couple into Seungmin’s outstretched hand.

 

“I’m here for a good time not a long time,” Seungmin told her, watching the Sour Skittles tumble into his palm.

 

“This shit is so sour it will damage your nervous system. It’s making my eye twitch. See?” She pointed at her face. “Why’d you make me buy this?”

 

“You’re just not used to it,” Seungmin said, leaning back in his seat with his treats.

 

Hyunjin stole one of the brightly colored candies from Seungmin’s palm and popped it into his mouth. He looked fine for a brief second or two but then all of his features comically bunched up in the center of his face from the sourness.

 

Seungmin laughed. He’d never seen the boy’s stoic face so contorted.

 

When Hyunjin realized Seungmin was giggling at him, he blushed and hurriedly looked away, fighting back his own laughter.

 

Out the window, the lighthouse spun its bright light out towards the gray sea. Then the hills grew high enough and the trees grew thick enough that the ocean all but disappeared from view. Farther and farther into the hills they went, approaching the edge of town. On the other side of the road were small, colorful houses and cottages. The wind made the pinwheels spin like crazy in all of the yards. Home was a stone’s throw away now.

 

Jihyo popped another candy in her mouth and grimaced at the bite. “You’d have an easier time just biting directly into a lemon,” Jihyo snapped. “Argh!”

 

Fearlessly, Seungmin tossed the whole handful into his mouth and chewed on the Sour Skittles like they were nothing. The candy _did_ possess a bit of a bite but, in Seungmin’s opinion, the flavor didn’t deserve Jihyo’s overreaction. It was a little cringey.

 

“How do you do that? Have your taste buds been destroyed?”

 

“It’s not that bad.” Seungmin chewed without much thought. Already, the sour coating on the candy had dissolved on his tongue and the Skittles were turning sweet in his mouth. “I mean, it’s sour but it’s not…” How did he word this? “...sour.”

 

Already, they were rolling to a stop outside the Kim family house.

 

Cars were so convenient, Seungmin thought. It sounded like such a simple thing but when you walked everywhere, this kind of revelation could shock and amaze you. He wouldn’t have even made it over the drawbridge by now if he were on foot! Cutting down the time of his commute had freed up so much of his evening. He didn’t even know what to do with all of this extra time. Seungmin aimed his gaze at the brightly colored bag in Jihyo’s hand. “If you don’t like them, can I have the rest?”

 

“Hell no,” Jihyo complained. “I love these things now.”

 

“Never would have guessed.” Seungmin grinned.

 

The driver opened the front passenger door for Jihyo first, holding an umbrella above her head against the mild drizzle. Then he opened Seungmin’s door, his smile courteous and polite.

 

“It’s still early in the afternoon,” Seungmin said, climbing out of the seat. School hadn’t even been out half an hour yet. “We can hang out for a bit before I start cooking.”

 

Jihyo said, “Alright. It’s video game time. Prepare to get stomped. What’s for dinner?”

 

Seungmin thought back to his adventure sifting through the fridge last night. “ _Tteokbokki_ ,” he said. It wasn’t fancy like he wanted it to be. He would have loved lobster or steamed clams or something that was visually impressive and luxurious-looking… but ‘fancy,’ or whatever the definition of that word he had in his head, wasn’t who he was. And if Hyunjin liked him for who he was, then...

 

“Sounds good,” Hyunjin stated.

 

“I’ll probably leave before all of that anyways,” Jihyo said. “As long as Woojin doesn’t take a million years.”

 

“Should I stay and wait?” The driver asked. Seungmin had forgotten the man could speak.

 

“No. I’ll call,” Jihyo told him.

 

Hyunjin crawled out of the backseat with a paper bag in his hands.

 

Seungmin hadn’t seen it at any point during the ride. His boyfriend must have been hiding it on the floor by his feet. “What’s that?” He pointed.

 

“A gift for your mother,” he said.

 

“What? Really?”

 

“I told you I’d get her something.”

 

“You didn’t have to. You really didn’t.”

 

“I want to,” Hyunjin insisted.

 

“Well, what is it?”

 

“It’s a surprise. I’ll show you at dinner.”

 

Dammit. “I just want to see it.” Seungmin attempted to reach for it but Hyunjin used his superior height to lift it away from Seungmin’s grasping hands. “I need to _see_.” And make sure it’s nothing awful!

 

“No,” Hyunjin said, still playfully keeping the bag away from him.

 

Seungmin frowned. It was something so silly. It was something so tiny and petty and honestly didn’t mean much but he was actually getting angry over this. He gave up on attempting to snatch the bag. He turned away and crossed the yard towards the house. The other two followed after him, not even really aware of how swiftly his mood had changed. Seungmin stomped up the stairs and rummaged in his pants pockets for his key. He couldn’t get a grip on them immediately and that made him even more upset. Seungmin managed to snatch them free and fumbled with the key in the lock for a second. He was angry but he was also a tad afraid. What if Hyunjin had gotten Mom something embarrassing and it made dinner a little awkward? Or what if he got her something she didn’t like? It could change her impression of Hyunjin negatively. Or worse… what if he had gotten her something _expensive_? It might have been absolutely nothing to him, a drop in the bucket, but what if it was something that Seungmin couldn’t possibly return the favor for? Something he’d feel guilty about receiving? He turned the key in the lock and shoved the door open, almost forgetting that he even had company until he nearly shut the door on them.

 

Jihyo flinched. “You almost took my eye out.”

 

“Force of habit,” Seungmin apologized. “Sorry. I’m not used to having people with me.” He didn’t mean for that to sound half as lame as it did.

 

“Time to beat your ass in Mario Kart. Prepare yourself.” That’s how quickly Jihyo forgave him. She stepped into the house and kicked off her shoes. She took a detour into the kitchen to grab a water bottle out of the fridge, then she was down the hall and heading into Seungmin’s room. “Oh! Grab us a snack,” she suggested over her shoulder. “Please?”

The boys pulled off their own shoes and Seungmin made his way to the kitchen. “Hyunjin, you’re on bowl patrol.”

 

“Bowl… patrol?” Hyunjin repeated slowly, as if he had never heard those two words next to each other in a sentence. Actually, he more than likely hadn’t. He sat his gift for Seungmin’s mother down on the kitchen table. “What’s that?”

 

“Bowl patrol’s gotta hold the bowl,” Seungmin rhymed.

 

Video games could be quite the vigorous activity and Seungmin and Jihyo, when they really got competitive and into things, had lost many a snack bowl or soda cup to a stray hand or elbow swinging out in frustration or an excited bounce on the bed sending everything to the floor. Every new stain on the carpet sent Woojin into a frenzy. You would have thought he’d installed the carpet himself.

 

Seungmin took on a dramatic voice, becoming the wizened old wizard at the start of most good RPGs. “Holding the bowl is the most sacred of duties.” He grabbed a red plastic bowl out of one of the cabinets and washed it out in the sink. “You’re the Chosen One, Hwang Hyunjin. Only you can do this. You’re the hero of legend. The prophecy foretold all.” He dipped his head, dropped to one knee and held the bowl out to Hyunjin like a squire delivering a sword to his knight. “I believe in you and the power of friendship.”

 

Hyunjin giggled. “You’re so cute.” He joined Seungmin’s little game and took the bowl from the younger boy’s hands. “I will do my best to protect this treasure. I’m on--” He gazed into the distance. “--bowl patrol.”

 

Finding this acceptable, Seungmin stood up straight and went back to the cabinets. “This calls for chex mix.”

 

After filling the bowl up with pretzels, rice cereal, cheese crackers and cashews, Seungmin told Hyunjin that his task was just beginning and that it would only get harder from here because now he actually had to keep their snacks safe while he and Jihyo fought each other for dominance in a kart racing game. Then Seungmin grabbed a can of soda out of the fridge and led Hyunjin down the hall to his room. Hyunjin kept a vice-like grip on the bowl, as if half-expecting to actually have to fend off goblins and monsters, but when he reached out his free hand and grabbed Seungmin’s, his touch was light. Careful. Seungmin was slowly getting acclimated to such duality. Hardness and softness. Warmth and cold. This hard and prickly outside and this gummy, pleasant inside. Seungmin didn’t have such layers. He was a loser all the way through.

 

“Are you okay,” Hyunjin asked, noticing the far-off look in Seungmin’s eyes.

 

Seungmin realized that if he didn’t perk up, he’d spoil the mood of the night. That would be terrible. He was actually looking forward to tonight. Seungmin shook the bad vibes away and forced a smile. “I’m okay.”

 

Hyunjin would not be lied to. “How can you be after what happened earlier?”

 

He knew exactly what Hyunjin meant. Seungmin’s smile faltered. He stopped moving. Just that quickly, he was standing at the school gate again, watching Jeongin and Felix hold hands and stare daggers at him. What had he done to get everyone so _mad_ at him? “I’m fine.” But was he really?

 

Hyunjin squeezed his hand reassuringly and pulled him just a tad closer, silently begging to be relied on. Seungmin met his eye. They stood there like that for a while. Just looking at each other. Hyunjin broke the silence. “You can be mad at them if you need to. You don’t have to be nice.”

 

It was true. Walking away was the nicest thing Seungmin could have done. Even with a broken heart. Jeongin, the little bastard, had kicked him while he was down and then metaphorically leaned down and laughed about it in his face. Felix was the Venus flytrap that had lured Seungmin in with the exact same words he had dreamed about hearing, the very same words he’d imagined Felix saying all year. _I like you. I like you. I like you._ He said all of that only to tell Seungmin that such a conversation had never happened… Only to say yes to someone else and then stand in front of him and demand a reaction. Seungmin was but a trapped fly and he should have gotten angry then. He should have popped the flying fuck off! “I am mad,” he admitted calmly. “But if I had gotten angry back then, I would have been the villain, right?” If he had fought with them, they would hate him more. If he had asked for Felix’s hand and Felix had come to him and they had gotten together, he would have destroyed Jeongin, much as the boy deserved it. He would have _destroyed_ Hyunjin, much as the boy didn’t deserve it. Jihyo would have thought horribly of him. Woojin would have gotten the wrong idea and said ‘I told you so’ like he’d been dying to. Everything would have collapsed inwards. No. Walking away _wasn’t_ the nicest thing he could have done. It was the safest thing. Such a difference could change worlds.

 

“You wouldn’t have been a villain,” said Hyunjin. “You would have just been honest.”

 

But being honest was a villainous act. In Seungmin’s experience, being honest only ruined things. If he had told Jaehyun that he liked him way back when, knowing about the guy’s girlfriend, he would have spoiled that whole summer. If he had told Jisung that he liked him, he would have defaced their whole friendship. If he _hadn’t_ told Haknyeon that he loved him back then, maybe the boy wouldn’t have broken up with him and they’d still be together now. Even being honest and telling Felix that he liked him had resulted in this very disaster. Right here and right now with his heart split in two directions and everyone upset with him.

 

Was that why liking Hyunjin was so hard? Because he wasn’t being honest?

 

Or was it just simpler and easier being cowardly?

 

“Are you okay,” Hyunjin asked again, but this time, Seungmin was willing to tell him the truth.

 

“No.” Even that little bit felt great. “I’m not okay.”

 

Hyunjin ran his thumb over Seungmin’s knuckles. “And that’s okay. You don’t have to be okay all of the time. No one can.”

 

Well, that was a relief. Seungmin let out a big exhale. He didn’t feel completely free but there went most of his burden. “I felt ganged up on, you know? Jeongin’s been pestering me for ages and I didn’t really mind at first but I told him I was backing off. Well, I wasn’t really backing off because I had this plan to trick him into thinking I was surrendering and then I was going to wait until he dropped his guard to swoop in and win.”

 

“Win what?”

 

“The love war,” Seungmin said without thinking.

 

“Love war? What’s that?”

 

Seungmin’s body went rigid. The temperature in the house seemed to drop a solid ten degrees all at once. He hadn’t meant to say that! Shit shit shit! How did he explain his way out of this one? How did he explain this _at all_? That he had made a casual bet that he could make someone fall in love with him in a month? It had made so much sense to him and Jeongin but, with just a tiny step outside of their little world, he realized how bad it sounded. “It’s not much,” he lied. “It’s a game Jeongin and I are playing.”

 

Hyunjin saw right through everything. “Were you two fighting over Felix?”

 

“That’s… a crass way to describe it but that’s what it was.”

 

“And I messed up that war?”

 

Seungmin froze. He wanted to stop breathing. “You didn’t… mess it up… You didn’t _mess up_ anything, Hyunjin. You actually made me want to give up on the war.” He felt like he was digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself but he could not stop. “I called the whole thing off but Jeongin kind of broke the rules of the game and-- Actually, no he didn’t. There are no rules. There are no turns.” His whole mood flatlined. He should have known he’d have to get all of this out in the open eventually but actually doing it was putting him through the ringer. “He won fair and square. And Felix…” And Felix.

 

“I know you liked him a lot,” said Hyunjin. “So I can’t imagine how it felt to see him with that other guy. To lose the war.”

 

Holy fucking shit. Seungmin gulped.

 

Hyunjin continued, “I could tell how much you were attracted to Felix when I read that letter you wrote him. It was stupid of me to read it. It was even more stupid of me to want to believe you wrote it for me, I get it, but I-- I know I was super pushy about liking you.” His voice got low and a little shaky, like he wasn’t sure if he should keep going. “I’m not Felix… so is this fine?”

 

They started walking down the hallway again. Slowly.

 

“Is _what_ fine?” Seungmin asked, not quite getting the context of the question.

 

“Us,” Hyunjin asked directly.

 

What a question. Good lord, what a question. _Is this fine?_ It burned it’s way straight through Seungmin’s insides and made him feel very weak. All of his doubts and fears that he thought he had kept hidden had just been presented to him out in the open by the very person he had all of those doubts and fears about.

 

“Are we fine?” Seungmin repeated the question.

 

It had taken a lifetime but they had reached the end of the hall and had paused right outside of his room. Jihyo was already comfortable. She had rolled Seungmin’s computer chair in front of the TV and had started up his Switch, not aware of the serious moment out in the hall. Oh wait. She definitely knew. She was cutting up the volume of the TV a little louder than necessary which would have been rude in any other situation but was oddly fitting here. The loud music of the game echoing out into the hall gave the couple the privacy they needed. Were he and Hyunjin _fine_ ? Not fine in the sense of being wonderful. Hyunjin was asking if _he_ was acceptable. If the two of them together could be better than second place. Better than a consolation prize. The question took on such massive significance now that it was clear Hyunjin knew everything. If Seungmin said no, if he said they they weren’t fine, would the two of them break up? Was this Hyunjin’s way of letting him go so he could chase after Felix? Oddly enough, Seungmin was more afraid of that possibility than anything else. Sure, there was a chance he could get what he wanted, but what if he ran after Felix, heart exposed and ready and accepting, only for Felix to reject him again? It was silly but it was his number one fear. All of this would have been for nothing. All of this stress and headache and going back and forth and making everyone hate him would have been for nothing. Seungmin would have lost Hyunjin _and_ Felix and then he’d have nothing.

 

He had to avoid that possibility but could he keep being honest? For once? “I don’t know,” Seungmin said, expecting everything to fall apart. He stepped close and wrapped an arm around Hyunjin’s neck. “I need time to figure it out.” He could feel the stiffness of the boy’s muscles and smell the mild cucumber kick of his body wash. “But I’m so glad you’re here. I really am.” He kissed the skin of Hyunjin’s neck and let his eyes drift closed. “I’m happy.”

 

Only then did Hyunjin start to relax. And when he did, Seungmin was grateful that something else didn’t shatter in his arms. Hyunjin said, “Alright. I’ll be here. I’ll wait.”

 

The air between them was still thick with unspoken words but, for now, the storm had passed. They just breathed. The seconds of their quiet stretched on. At long last, Hyunjin peeled their hands apart so that he could pull Seungmin into a tighter hug. They shared heartbeats. The conversation wasn’t over, Seungmin knew. There were roads and roads they needed to travel down but taking things any farther right this second might move them to solutions he wasn’t ready for. He needed to take Jihyo’s advice and _feel_ his way through his feelings. It would take longer than a single evening but he hoped he’d come up with the right… No, there was no correct or incorrect here. He hoped he’d come up the most _true_ answer soon. The most honest one. The least cowardly one.

 

Seungmin pulled away from the hug, put on his brightest smile and tugged Hyunjin into his room. “Time to play! I’m the best at this. Just watch.”

 

Jihyo took their entrance as a sign that things were alright. “Hurry. I already started a grand prix!” She held out a controller to Seungmin as the game loaded on the screen. “150cc. I picked Rosalina for you.”

 

“What? Not even 200cc?” Seungmin lunged for the controller. “Did you put me on a bike? I better be on a bike.”

 

“You’re on a fucking bike, loser!”

 

The race was starting. Seungmin barely had time to sit on the edge of his bed before the countdown ended. “Shit,” he huffed, missing the timing of the starting speed boost by a second.

 

Jihyo let out a delighted cackle, already in 1st place. “Later, sucker!”

 

This was fine. Seungmin was the king of comebacks. 11th place wasn’t too bad.

 

Hyunjin sat on the bed next to Seungmin, already munching on the chex mix. “Which one are you,” he asked.

 

“Bottom of the screen,” Seungmin told him. When he could, he snaked out a hand, grabbed a handful of mix and tossed it in his mouth.

 

“Hey, I want some,” Jihyo protested.

 

Hyunjin crawled behind Seungmin so he could get to the other end of the bed close to Jihyo’s chair. When she had gotten a handful, Hyunjin pointed at the screen. “So… do you just… stay sideways?”

 

Seungmin snorted. “If you’re not sliding across the map at a forty-five degree angle _all of the time_ , are you even racing?” He was catching up fast. 8th place and rolling.

 

After a few moments, Hyunjin mumbled, “I don’t know what’s going on. There’s… so much happening on the screen.” Jihyo stuck her hand in the bowl for more mix.

 

“It’s fun,” Seungmin told him. “The craziness is part of the-- Shit! How did that miss? He was right in front of me!” He had worked his way up to 5th place and was rounding the last corner of the track. He glanced at the mini-map and gasped. “How the fuck did you get so far ahead?”

 

Jihyo laughed wildly. “Suck my dick, bitch!”

 

It was alright. There was still one lap to go and Seungmin had just hit an item box and wound up with a blue shell that he was already mentally writing Jihyo’s name on. He shot the item out and watched it coast ahead of him at breakneck speed, headed right towards the Bowser in first place.

 

“What?” Jihyo screeched when she realized the blue shell was coming for her. She hung her mouth open in shock. “Are you shitting me? I just got hit by something else!”

 

“Don’t mind me,” Seungmin taunted. “I’m just coming for your spot.” Now he was in 3rd place and the distance between his character and Jihyo’s was quickly closing now that she had gotten hit.

 

Hyunjin propped his chin up on Seungmin’s shoulder.

 

Seungmin spared him a glance. “You’re not bored, are you?”

 

“No,” Hyunjin said.

 

“Shit!” Jihyo wailed. “A red shell?”

 

“Wasn’t me!” Seungmin shouted back.

 

“Then how come you’re in front of me now?”

 

“Coincidence. You just gotta--” He stopped mid-sentence as he watched his character on the screen spin out mere feet in front of the finish line. “There was a banana in there?”

 

Jihyo snickered. It was obvious she’d been the one to drop that pesky banana during a previous lap. “Coincidence,” she called out, crossing the finish line in first place.

 

“Ooh, that’s dirty,” Seungmin growled.

 

Hyunjin chuckled at their shenanigans. His voice was warm in Seungmin’s ear and, honestly, he had forgotten Hyunjin was so close to him. Sharing so much space with him. Hyunjin was just so familiar and comfortable now, even with their tumultuous past. Even with the rollercoaster craziness of the last week.

 

After facing numerous setbacks, Jihyo came in 1st for the second race but Seungmin wound up on top in the 3rd and 4th races. They played a second grand prix with more difficult maps and Seungmin ended up winning the whole cup because Jihyo and retro Rainbow Road did not make a good combination. They were on the 4th race of their fifth cup in a row when Seungmin interrupted the fun to say, “My brother is home.”

 

“How do you know?” Jihyo asked, eyes still on the screen.

 

“I heard him,” said Seungmin. He grabbed the bowl out of Hyunjin’s hands and dumped the last few crumbs of chex mix in his mouth.

 

“How? How can you hear anything over the TV?”

 

This was what having a brother was all about. He could tell Woojin was home just by feeling the very molecules of air in the house shift around the tiniest bit. Well, not exactly, but-- “Oh, he’s here,” Seungmin insisted. “Eight, seven, six…” He trailed off.

 

Five seconds later, his bedroom door creaked opened and Woojin poked his head into the room. His shirt was damp and his hair was a stringy, soaked-through mess. He was wet either from working up a sweat at practice or getting caught in the rain on his ride home.

 

“Don’t you knock?” Seungmin chastised. “Knock next time.”

 

“You haven’t started cooking yet?” Woojin shot back. “It’s almost five o’clock.” He shut the door.

 

Five o’clock? _That_ much time had slipped by already? Seungmin lost his concentration and ended up driving right off the edge of the stage, losing his 1st place position.

 

A moment later, Woojin swung the bedroom door open again. Wider. The older Kim brother stood in the doorway and stared first at Seungmin and then at Hyunjin draped over his kid brother’s shoulder. Woojin furrowed his eyebrows and then loudly proclaimed, “This door stays open. Do you hear me?” He pushed it open all of the way and started down the hall.

 

“What the hell do you think we’re going to do in front of your girlfriend,” Seungmin shouted after him.

 

Woojin jumped back into the doorway wide-eyed. He leaned into his younger brother’s room and spotted Jihyo in the chair by the TV. “Jihyo! What are you doing here? I told you I’d call.”

 

“Just hanging out waiting on you,” she said. She paused the game. “Sorry,” she aimed the apology in Seungmin’s direction and then stood up out of the chair. “Hyunjin, do you want to play?”

 

“I wouldn’t know what I’m doing,” he said. “I mean… You just drove _up_ a waterfall. And then you were flying… but you’re on a motorcycle… with really tiny wheels.”

 

“Funny how that works,” Seungmin said, knowing it would be stupidly difficult to explain to someone who was unfamiliar with the game’s wackiness.

 

Jihyo handed her controller to Seungmin who used it to exit the race, go back to the main menu and switch to single-player mode.

 

Jihyo had been out of the room for all of five seconds before Woojin leaned back into the room again. He scowled. “This door stays open,” he repeated in his Nagging Older Brother voice. He even pointed accusingly at his brother.

 

“We aren’t going to do anything!” Seungmin shouted back, his whole face turning red with humiliation. He hadn’t been thinking about it at all up until then but now it was impossible to ignore his and Hyunjin’s proximity. And how long had Hyunjin’s arm been wrapped around his torso? He hadn’t even felt it! “I should start on dinner,” Seungmin said, standing up to escape Hyunjin’s bubble of body heat. “I should have started way before now.” He cut off his Switch and made a beeline for his dresser. “I’m going to change clothes real quick. You can sit at the table and wait for me if you want. It really shouldn’t take too long.”

 

Hyunjin stood up and wandered to the door. “I’ll wait,” he said in a tone far too serious for the situation. It was obvious what he meant and Seungmin felt crushed beneath the weight of his expectations. Hurriedly, he closed the door behind Hyunjin and all but collapsed onto the floor. He’d never had anyone wait on him like this. It felt like he was standing on the stage of a theater in front of a massive audience. A huge spotlight shone on him, leaving him absolutely no way to make even the smallest of mistakes without everyone who was watching seeing it and judging and pointing and laughing. Just that quickly, anxious sweat creeped across Seungmin’s forehead. Seungmin stripped out of his school uniform and dug through the drawers of his dresser until he found a crisp black button-down shirt that didn’t desperately need ironing. He pulled it on and did up the buttons and then searched for pants. He hadn’t really gotten _dressed up_ since the days where they went out to eat at the nice restaurant on the weekends so the one pair of nice dress slacks he could find did not fit him anymore. He tried a pair of black skinny jeans instead. Satisfied, he ran a brush over his hair and left his room to head to the kitchen. On his way up the hallway, he passed his brother’s room and could hear Woojin and Jihyo talking through the closed door.

 

Perfect.

 

Without knocking, he shoved it open so that it bounced off the far wall.

 

Woojin and Jihyo, who had been sitting on Woojin’s bed, both startled and looked up at him.

 

“This door stays open,” Seungmin shouted gleefully.

 

Woojin hopped off the bed. “Goddammit, Seungmin. Get out of here!” He rushed up to the door and slammed it shut so quickly that Seungmin had to actually jump backwards to avoid a concussion.

 

Seungmin couldn’t help but laugh maniacally. He definitely wasn’t finished fucking with his brother but he had to wait for Woojin to drop his guard again. Get him when he least expected it. He went up the hall to wait for the right time.

 

In the kitchen, Hyunjin was sitting at the dining table, fiddling with his phone.

 

“I’ll get started, then,” Seungmin announced, moving to the sink to wash his hands.

 

If no other part of Seungmin’s life was going to go how he planned, at least there was only one way cooking could go for him. With food prep, he had reliable instructions and, most importantly, predictable results.

 

He sat Mom’s favorite pot on the stove, filled it with water and turned the heat up high. Then he checked the fridge. There were about four eggs left so he grabbed the whole carton and sat it on the counter. Then he went back to the fridge for two onions, a big block of tofu and the bag of long, skinny rice cakes. He shut the door and hauled everything to the kitchen counter, getting everything neatly lined up like Mom taught him.

 

“It’s cool that you and your brother get along so well,” said Hyunjin out of the blue.

 

Seungmin glanced over his shoulder. Hyunjin had put his phone down and was giving Seungmin his full attention. “You think we get along?” On what planet?

 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin said. He propped his chin up on his hand and glanced towards the ceiling as if recalling something distant. “I wish I could joke and laugh and play around with my brother like that.”

 

“You can’t?” Seungmin recalled the tall, muscular young man he had spotted in that photo in Hyunjin’s living room. Hyunjin favored him extremely well. From the long, black hair to the thick eyebrows to the prominent lower lip. “How can you not?”

 

“We used to. When I was younger.” Hyunjin spoke so curtly that Seungmin wasn’t sure if he didn’t like the topic or if he had just run out of words like he normally did.

 

In the silence that followed, Seungmin used a paper towel to sop up the excess moisture from the tofu block. Wanting to keep the conversation going, he asked, “He’s kind of a celebrity, isn’t he?” He used a knife to slice the block of tofu first into long rectangles and then again into more manageable cubes. “Is he rarely at home?”

 

“Chansung’s not half as famous as people think. It’s not like he’s Conor McGregor.” Hyunjin turned his head, his eyes finding the Kim family portrait on the wall behind the table.

 

Dad wasn’t in the picture but the three remaining Kims were smiling happily anyways. Mom had cut her hair really short back then. Shorter than Woojin’s. Part of her ‘cleanse.’ She beamed at the camera proudly with Seungmin standing behind one shoulder and Woojin behind the other. It was an old photo. Or older than Seungmin thought. He looked _so young_ in it. High school wasn’t even a thought. The trio’s big, bright smiles were a strangely odd marker of how much time had passed since the divorce. Even now, it felt like it had been a handful of months. Not years.

 

Hyunjin added, “I just... don’t get to see him much. He’s home a lot, but… we don’t see each other.”

 

“Is he busy because of all of that pro fighting?”

 

“He’s an asshole,” Hyunjin corrected flatly. His voice had gone frigid in a way that Seungmin hadn’t heard in a while. “Chansung genuinely hates me. He doesn’t want to look at me.”

 

“Oh,” Seungmin exhaled. That hadn’t been what he expected to hear. He turned back to his work, chopping up the onions. Wait? Did they have scallions? He went back to the fridge for a stalk.

 

“But I still want to be like him,” Hyunjin mumbled after a long while. “I want to keep practicing and beat my brother’s ass in the ring. I want--” He trailed off.

 

Patiently, Seungmin waited for him to continue. He didn’t want to pressure him into continuing if it would dredge up awful thoughts. In the meantime, he sliced up the scallions and dropped the eggs in the bubbling pot of water on the stove to hard boil. Then he worked on the rice cakes, running them under cool water from the faucet to wash them off.

 

He was halfway through mixing together red chili sauce with some garlic, soy sauce and a light touch of sugar when Hyunjin spoke up. “He hates me but I hate him, too, you know?” He sounded angry, his voice trembling with barely controlled rage. “He’s such a dick. I want to prove to my brother that I can be gay _and_ tough. That liking boys won’t stop me from knocking his ass out!”

 

“Oh,” Seungmin said again.

 

For the first time in a long time, Hyunjin sounded like his old self. The real thing. The gruff boy always glued to Chan’s side, smelling like cigarette smoke and tending to a busted lip, ready to swing a fist at anyone who looked at him wrong in the school hall. But then… “Sorry,” Hyunjin mumbled, soft again. Just like that. “Didn’t mean to yell.”

 

“It’s okay,” Seungmin said. He didn’t realize until then that he’d come to a full stop in his sauce mixing. He slowly started stirring again. “I love my brother. But I hate my brother, too, sometimes,” he admitted. “He’s good at everything. Grades. Sports. Dating. Popularity. I’m not good at anything like that. I’ve never made it to the newspaper for my tennis skills. All I can do is write poetry but even then I’m not _good_ at it. No one likes it. No one reads it.” He slid the small bowl of chili sauce away, grabbed a slotted spoon and fished the hard-boiled eggs out of the water in the pot. Now that all of the prep work was done, the rest of the meal was legitimately as simple as dumping everything in one pot and letting it sit for a bit. He needed to get some rice in the cooker! He had totally forgotten. He crossed the kitchen to get a pot started.

 

Hyunjin quietly asked, “So you feel like you’re always in his shadow?”

 

Aware of the fact that Woojin was right down the hall, Seungmin lowered his voice. “I look at Woojin and see him do all of these great things and be so excellent and I know that I just pale in comparison. Mom praises him for winning tournaments or acing exams or getting big, fat college scholarships but then she looks at me and I feel like she’s disappointed.” He lowered his voice even farther to a near-whisper. “That might be why she still babies me.”

 

Seungmin choked on air. He swallowed hard. He’d never told anyone that. Not even Jisung. And here he was revealing it to someone he’d only really known for a week.

 

“She doesn’t think that,” Hyunjin got to his feet. “Of course she doesn’t think that, Seungmin.” He crossed the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s waist from behind. “She has no reason to be disappointed in you. You’re amazing.”

 

How could he be amazing when he couldn’t even choose what he wanted? When he couldn’t even be happy with what he had? “Hyunjin,” his voice broke between the syllables of the name.

 

“Hmm?” Hyunjin hummed into his ear, pulling Seungmin back against his chest.

 

“Can we--” Before Seungmin could get the question brewing in his heart off of his chest, there was the sound of a key in the lock and then the front door swung open.

 

Mom stepped into the house. “Oh yes, wait a minute, Mr. Postman,” she cheerfully sang as she shut the door behind her.

 

“Mom,” Seungmin greeted her with a surprised smile.

 

“Seungmin,” she returned his enthusiasm, kicking off her shoes.

 

Embarrassed, Seungmin tried to wriggle out of Hyunjin’s grasp. He couldn’t get free. Of course he couldn’t. “Aren’t you early?”

 

Mom stepped into the kitchen. “No,” she said, glancing at her watch. “I’m home around the same time I usually am. Hey, Hyunjin. It’s so great to see you again.” She didn’t bat an eyelash at the two of them being all over each other.

 

“Good afternoon, Miss Kim,” Hyunjin said. “It’s great to see you, too.”

 

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Seungmin announced, waving a hand to encompass all of the prepped ingredients he had lined up.

 

“I can finish up,” Mom suggested. “Go get your brother.”

 

“Will do!” Seungmin had never been so ready to get Woojin. He dashed towards the hall, or tried to, but Hyunjin held on tight--of course he did--and allowed himself to be tugged down the hall along with him. Both of them laughed and stumbled over each other and, once, nearly hit the floor like falling trees, but Hyunjin kept them upright. They stood outside Woojin’s door. “Ssh,” Seungmin held a finger to his mouth.

 

Hyunjin seemed to instinctively know what was about to happen. He unraveled his arms from around Seungmin and stepped back. Seungmin pressed his ear to the wood of the door. He could just barely make out Woojin’s voice speaking in a velvety and borderline inappropriate tone.

 

Ooh, yes, the timing was perfect!

 

Seungmin shoved Woojin’s bedroom door open with an actual bang. He hollered, “This door stays open!”

 

Woojin and Jihyo, who were on the edge of the bed making out, sprang apart with surprised yelps.

 

“Fuck! Seungmin,” Woojin shouted, pressing his hand to his chest in fright. “Get out. Get the fuck out.”

 

“You can do it to me. How come I can’t do it to you?”

 

“Because I’m older.” Woojin leaped to his feet and rushed to the door, his face one big snarl like a dog on the attack. “Fuck off. Leave me alone.”

 

He shut the door but Seungmin was prepared. He turned and pushed his shoulder into it at the last second to keep the door for closing all of the way. “This. Door. Stays. Open.” Seungmin grunted out the syllables as he fought against his brother’s strength, the door wobbling back and forth as they pushed in opposite directions.

 

“Leave. Me. Alone.” Woojin huffed out. He was winning their little contest. The door was almost completely shut.

 

Seungmin aimed an arrow at Woojin’s Achilles’ heel. “Dinner’s ready.”

 

Woojin gave up so suddenly that Seungmin would have fallen forward into the room if Hyunjin hadn’t grabbed hold of him by his waist.

 

“Why didn’t you say so earlier,” the older brother said, his anger gone that quickly. “I’m starving over here. Haven’t eaten since lunch.”

 

Jihyo stood up off the edge of the bed, her face still a little pink from getting caught. “I gotta get going, Woojin.” She pulled her phone out of her uniform pocket. “Good games, Seungmin. And Hyunjin, I can send the car for you later tonight if you want.”

 

“Rock solid plan,” Hyunjin agreed.

 

The appropriate goodbyes were spoken and Jihyo left the house when the Maserati pulled up outside, its headlights cutting through the drizzle of rain. By the time Hyunjin, Woojin and Seungmin were gathered at the table, Mom had sat the _tteokbokki_ out on in the big pot, along with four bowls of rice, a plate of the hard-boiled eggs Seungmin had made chopped into quarters, empty bowls for the soup and a plate of mixed vegetables she must have quickly steamed while the boys were busy.

 

“Looks good, Mom,” Seungmin complimented, lowering himself into his usual chair.

 

Hyunjin giggled at him, scooching his chair ridiculously close to Seungmin’s. “Did you forget that quickly that you made it?”

 

It clicked in Seungmin’s head. “Oh yeah!”

 

“I saw this,” Mom spoke up, pointing at the paper bag on the table. “Did you leave it there, apple?”

 

Woojin shook his head. On the other side of the table, he dragged his chair back so he could sit.

 

Seungmin stared at the package, getting anxious all over again. It was probably a pair of ruby earrings. Or just huge chunks of actual diamonds. Keys to a supercar or something. Or maybe just a big stack of cold, hard cash like a dowry.

 

“It’s yours,” Hyunjin said. “It’s a gift. I got it for you, Miss Kim.”

 

Mom’s expression changed. Her mouth hung open a little in surprise. “For _me_? You shouldn’t have.”

 

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have,” Seungmin repeated.

 

Mom reached into the paper bag.

 

Seungmin felt his heart race. He wanted to shut his eyes and just not look but he also wanted to see. He had to _see_.

 

“Oh my!” Mom exclaimed. In her hands was… a book. Just a regular hardcover novel. “My favorite author.” She held the book out towards the boys like it was a prize. It appeared to be a mystery novel written by Park Jinyoung.

 

“I got a look at your bookcase last time I was here,” Hyunjin said, “and I noticed that you had all of his books but not his newest one.”

 

“That’s so sweet of you,” Mom said, grinning from ear to ear. She clearly loved it. “I haven’t had time to get to the bookstore these days.”

 

Now Seungmin felt a little foolish. He had been stressing out for nothing! He reached a hand over and patted Hyunjin’s knee. Hyunjin picked up his chopsticks and smiled at him.

 

“How was your day, Mom?” Woojin asked. “Still dealing with that pesky client?”

 

Around a mouth full of food, Mom said, “We’ve come to terms with the fact that our creative directions differ too strongly. We’ll be parting ways.”

 

“Aww, really?” Seungmin said. “That’s terrible. But also… kind of good? They’ve been stressing you out.”

 

Mom shrugged. “It happens sometimes. These things are all about compromise and every now and then, one side doesn’t want to give up anything. Besides, the agency still gets paid for all the time we spent on the project. Plus even more money for the clients going back on the contract.”

 

“Nice,” Woojin whistled.

 

Seungmin reached his chopsticks across the table for some vegetables. “How was practice, bro?”

 

“Had a pretty rough time.”

 

“Huh? _You_ struggled?”

 

Woojin took a moment to chew his food. “Had a practice match with a teammate. I told him to go all-out so I’d be ready for that Sunwoo kid next time.”

 

“You got beat in practice?”

 

“No. It’s just… been ages since I’ve had to push myself this hard.”

 

Mom joined in the conversation. “That’s the only way you’ll grow, apple. If there’s a challenge in front of you, you’ll only advance by picking apart the problem and finding a solution that works.”

 

“Yeah. Don’t give up on everything when it gets tough like I do,” commented Seungmin.

 

Hyunjin hummed in understanding and jostled his leg.

 

Seungmin had not only forgotten that the boy was there at the table but also that his hand was still on Hyunjin’s knee. He squeezed it a little and Hyunjin hummed again.

 

“You’ve gotten comfortable,” Hyunjin spoke up. “You worked hard until the wins came easy and then you stopped working hard and let everyone else catch up.”

 

“Yeah, it just doesn’t feel good,” Woojin groaned. “My form has been so off lately. Even today, I was tripping over my feet and falling for the simplest plays. It was like I was the problem that Sicheng had picked apart.”

 

“He just learned you like how you’re trying to learn Sunwoo,” said Hyunjin.

 

“You gotta switch up your style, bro,” Seungmin told him. “If you’re playing Ness for funsies and you’re getting whooped by a Corrin online, just go in for the rematch but cheese them with a Zero Suit Samus pick.”

 

Woojin looked up across the table. “What?”

 

“I think what he’s trying to say,” Hyunjin offered, “is that you can’t brute force your way through a tricky, technical opponent.” He seemed to be speaking from personal experience. “If anything, you should play defensively and chip away at their stamina until holes in their play appear.”

 

This made Woojin sit back in his chair with his mouth wide open. “Now that I understand.”

 

“See?” Mom said, sitting a few vegetables on top of her rice. “You just needed a new perspective.”

 

Seungmin watched Woojin give Hyunjin a look. It wasn’t a look of disgust or fright like earlier. It was this pleasantly surprised, puckered lip look. He was… _impressed_? Seungmin didn’t want to get his hopes up, though. He put his chopsticks down and stood up to go to the fridge. He grabbed the pitcher of water off of the top shelf and sat it on the dinner table. Then he went to one of the cabinets for a packet of crackers before sitting back down.

 

“How was your day, pumpkin,” asked Mom when he was comfortable again.

 

‘Terrible’ was Seungmin’s first thought. Then he glanced over at Hyunjin. “It got better.”

 

Woojin scoffed. There was the disgust. Things were normal again.

 

Seungmin looked back over at Mom. “Still not my best of days but I made it through, right?”

 

“Anything you want to talk about,” Mom prompted.

 

“Just that I wish dating was easier.”

 

“You’ve got that right,” Woojin muttered.

 

“I know, I know,” said Mom. “It can be fun but it can also be really tough.” She looked at Hyunjin and then over at Seungmin. “Whether it’s at the start…” She glanced at Woojin. “...or at the middle, there’s a whole lot to think about but there’s also so many great things to experience.” She refilled her bowl with _tteokbokki_ and took a deep breath. “And I think I’ve been doing it long enough to come forward and tell you two.”

 

“What?” Woojin asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

 

“I started dating again,” said Mom. “Pass the water pitcher, please.”

 

Fireworks went off in Seungmin’s chest. A pop of happiness here. An explosion of joy there. He slid the pitcher closer to her side of the table. “You’re dating? That’s great, Mom. For how long?”

 

“What?” Woojin repeated, dropping his chopsticks onto the table with a clatter.

 

“It’s been about four or five weeks. Things are getting a little serious. That is why I wanted to let you two know.”

 

“Mom, that’s terrific!” Seungmin grinned.

 

“What!?” Woojin said a third time. He jumped out of his chair. “Are you serious? What the hell, Mom?”

 

That was quite the reaction. “Woojin,” Seungmin snapped. “Chill out.”

 

“Apple,” Mom warned. “We have company.”

 

“So?” Woojin shoved his chair backwards and left the table. “I’m done eating.” He stormed out of the kitchen to the living room, grabbed his shoes and was out of the front door before anyone thought to stop him.

 

In the awkward silence that followed, Hyunjin chewing on a cube of ice sounded blasphemously loud.

 

“That’s great, Mom,” Seungmin tried to salvage the situation. “I’m glad you met someone new.”

 

Mom sighed but eventually started eating again. “Should you go after him?”

 

“We’ll end up in an actual fist fight if I go now, Mom,” Seungmin said honestly. “If he’s not back in half an hour, I’ll look for him.”

 

“It’s still raining,” she said, more to herself than to him. “And he didn’t take a jacket.”

 

“I’ll take him one later.”

 

No one spoke a word. The three of them finished their plates in silence. Seungmin sent a text to his brother. ‘Where the hell are you?’

 

Minutes passed. Hyunjin offered to wash dishes and, when told that he was a guest and shouldn’t worry about it, insisted the contrary and made his way to the sink. Mom excused herself from the table to change clothes.

 

Woojin had been gone nearly twenty minutes when Seungmin’s phone vibrated. Thinking it was his brother, he checked the notification and nearly dropped his phone on the table in shock.

 

It was a text from Felix:

 

‘Can we meet tomorrow? We need to talk.’

 

Such simple words but they meant so much. The two of them had so much to talk about. The words they needed to say to each other could fill an Olympic pool.

 

Hyunjin was at the sink. “Should I dry the plates off with a towel or just put them on the rack?”

 

Hyunjin was not close enough to see anything on the screen but Seungmin hid his phone in his lap under the table regardless. Shame shot up his spine and turned his cheeks red. “Put ‘em on the rack,” Seungmin squeaked out, giving Hyunjin his best smile. When the tall boy turned away, he looked down at his phone and read the text from Felix again and again, getting more and more excited each time. He hated that he still got this happy seeing the boy’s name even after the shit show at the school gates. He hated that, after everything that happened, Felix still held this much sway over him. He should say no. He should refuse the offer to hang out. That would be the smart thing to do. Even better, he should leave Felix on read, put his phone away and enjoy the rest of his evening with Hyunjin and his family. Felix didn’t deserve his attention. He should just cut ties with the redhead entirely. He should he should he should.

 

But--

 

‘Yes,’ he replied to the text. ‘Just tell me the time and place.’

 

He looked up, hoping he had done all of that fast enough to not garner suspicion, but Hyunjin was looking right at him.

 

From his spot in front of the sink, the boy smiled. Nice and wide and unguarded. Completely unaware.

 

Seungmin smiled back but it hurt to do it.

 

Hyunjin was not his dream. In his head, the number one spot had always belonged to Felix. It had always been the boy whose smile could light up a room. Whose laughter brightened the world. Whose eyes were so pretty and sharp and whose mouth looked so kissable and soft. It had always been Felix. Always. This glimmering, shining, unreachable thing that hurt to look at and was impossible to touch. But reality wasn’t anywhere close to that. The Felix he knew in real life was nothing like the one he had created in his head. There was a darkness beneath the real Felix’s facade that Seungmin did not expect. Fangs and claws he did not see coming. Yet Hyunjin wasn’t what he expected, either. He thought he had the right idea of the boy. Everyone at school did. Hyunjin was someone cold and mean and violent who didn’t care about anything or anyone, who didn’t do anything good, who wasn’t worth anything good. Seungmin had assumed Hyunjin was like all of the other jerks on campus who talked back to teachers and stole lunch money and got into fist fights. And although Hyunjin _was_ that, he was more than that. He was sweet and attentive and maybe a little lonely and lived in his older brother’s big shadow just like Seungmin did with his. They talked. They laughed. They had fun together. They had more in common than Seungmin ever would have imagined. Seungmin thought about the past afternoon and he was sure he had never smiled so much in his life.

 

The choice he needed to make was standing right on the other side of the kitchen.

 

Everything with Hyunjin was simple and easy so, under any other circumstances, Seungmin would have no problem just... falling and letting it take over him. He should just sink into this thing with Hyunjin… He should just _let go_ completely. If he did that, Hyunjin would be the boy of his dreams. Not Felix.

 

For once.

 

Seungmin looked away from Hyunjin’s big smile and warm eyes. He turned his attention to the last of his food, scraping his plate clean.

 

He liked Hyunjin. He did. And as crazy as it was, he’d been okay with how things had turned out up to this point.

 

But… for the very first time, Seungmin wished that Hyunjin had never received that letter.


	24. In Which A Considerable Distance Is Traveled In No Time At All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10,000+ views?!?! Ya'll are CRAAAAZY!! Thank you so much~~ <3

“Why can’t we just believe

In taking it so far

That our feet

Don’t touch the ground?”

 

What I Would Give To Be Australian by Jonny Craig

 

“There you are,” Seungmin said, sighing in relief. Finally. _Finally_ he found him. “Now put this jacket on before you catch a damn cold.” He shivered in the chilly rain. “Though it may be too late for that.”

 

Woojin didn’t say anything. He just snatched the offered jacket out of Seungmin’s hands and shoved his arms in the sleeves. He zipped it up to his chin and popped the hood on over his head and his face vanished beneath the shadows, leaving only his frown visible.

 

“When did you learn to pout and sulk?”

 

His older brother continued to ice him out, staring at a point slightly to Seungmin’s left, seemingly going out of his way to ignore him.

 

It didn’t feel too good. Seungmin asked, “What’s gotten into you? You’re not usually like this. Why are you acting like me?”

 

Woojin still didn’t say anything. For a while, they just stayed like that under the shelter of the bus stop, listening to the rainwater sluice off the sides of the roof and drip down into the puddles forming on the sidewalk. It was no longer _pouring_ rain but it was still coming down steadily. The sound of thunder gradually became more distant as the storm made its way farther inland.

 

“I will say this,” Seungmin continued, “that’s your first time storming off _during_ dinner. You usually do it before or after.” He was trying everything here. He just wanted his brother to respond.

 

Woojin didn’t fall for it. He remained silent and still to the point where Seungmin leaned forward and repeatedly poked Woojin’s face with his finger just to be sure he hadn’t slipped into some incredibly lucid daydream. He was not satisfied until Woojin slapped his hand away.

 

“You made dinner all awkward with your tantrum,” Seungmin kept up his end of their one-sided conversation. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his own jacket. “But I still love you.”

 

Woojin looked up at him for the first time, letting the light of the bus stop shelter fall over half of his face. His eyes weren’t exactly _misty_ but his expression looked all mixed up to reflect that his emotions were all mixed up. “I got a little pissed. I’m still a little pissed.”

 

“Really? I had no clue.” Seungmin’s words were heavy with sarcasm.

 

At this, Woojin stiffened. Yeah, he was still mad. He stopped clenching his fists. “How did you know where I was?”

 

“Because I know you.”

 

Woojin scoffed and, at long last, slid over on the bench he was sitting on to make room.

 

Seungmin sat down next to his brother and they both stared out at the thick shadows of the trees across the street from the bus stop. “You caused a lot of trouble for me, you know. This was such a long walk. My feet hurt and I’m thirsty and I could be in bed asleep by now.” It was nearly midnight now. Maybe a little past. He was trying to play it cool but Seungmin actually had been worried quite a bit. Far more than he’d thought he’d be. After the past few hours, the bus stop by the pharmacy had been the sixth or seventh place in town that he’d walked to and checked up and down for signs of his brother. If Woojin hadn’t been here, Seungmin seriously would have thought of calling the police… but maybe his brother didn’t need to know all of that.

 

“Sorry,” Woojin muttered. “Didn’t mean to fuck up your sleep schedule.”

 

“Really though,” Seungmin changed up his tune, “I was worried sick. Mom was worried sick. _Is_ worried sick.”

 

“Sorry,” repeated Woojin. It sounded far more genuine this time.

 

“I’ll text her that I found you.” Seungmin pulled his phone out of his pocket and got to work on a message.

 

Usually, when Woojin snapped and stormed out of the house, there were a handful of locations that he always went to in order to go cool off because Woojin was nothing if not predictable. One of the places he liked was the park down by the pier. There was a flat, grassy area and a tall wall that used to be part of a building in that park and Seungmin could usually find Woojin practicing out there, even in the wee hours of the night, bouncing a ball off the wall with his tennis racket and rallying back and forth across the grass. Woojin hadn’t taken his equipment--he’d stomped out the door too quickly to grab anything, including his phone--but Seungmin had tried the park regardless. Fruitlessly.

 

Another place Woojin liked to go when he was angry and needed time to himself was the convenience store across the street from the school. Woojin liked to go there for a cup of super spicy ramen so that he could stew in something hotter than his rage and stare out the big windows until closing time. Seungmin had walked all the way over there, too, but Woojin hadn’t been there and Sangyeon behind the counter on the night shift hadn’t seen him at all.

 

Seungmin had tried the other places Woojin went to one by one but when he did not find his brother at any of them, fear had clawed at his heart, bigger and bigger after each place he went to. Woojin could have been _anywhere_ but Seungmin hadn’t been able to find him. It hadn’t been until tonight that Seungmin understood Woojin’s anger the other week when he had trotted off to the boardwalk at one in the morning on a school night to talk to and have ramen with Changbin. In his mind, it had been innocent enough but now when he pictured Woojin frantically searching the neighborhood for him, he understood Woojin’s brusqueness on the phone that night. There was a very specific, burning kind of anxiety that came with someone you love not being in the same place they always are.

 

It had almost been like Dad all over again.

 

Mom’s reply came quickly, ‘Both of you, come home.’ He sent back a ‘Let me calm him down first. Please.’

 

“Do you want to talk?” Seungmin asked when the silence dragged thin. He shoved his phone back in his pocket after reading the message Mom sent back to him. “Let’s talk.”

 

Woojin shivered a little in his jacket. It wasn’t a cold night by any means but the rain had been chilly and the wind had been strong. It was obvious by how far Woojin had walked to get to this particular bus stop and how soaked-through his clothes were that he had been out in the rain for far too long. Hopefully he wouldn’t catch cold. He’d blame himself and train even harder if he had even the slightest case of the sniffles.

 

Seungmin slid over and pressed himself to Woojin’s side. He was a tiny bit relieved to feel his brother lean closer in an attempt to get warm. He tried again, “What are you so mad about?”

 

“Did you not hear,” asked Woojin quietly. He was finally letting his icy mood melt. “Mom’s dating someone.”

 

“You say that like it’s a scandal. Like she’s an idol who can’t date.”

 

“How can she date when Dad’s still out there?”

 

“He can be right down the road and it won’t matter.”

 

“He’s still Dad.”

 

“So?” Seungmin huffed. “They’ve been divorced for years. Who fucking cares if she dates?”

 

“I do. It’ll be so weird,” Woojin said. He sounded more confused and sad than anything. “It’ll be some totally random man all up in our house trying to get to know us and shit.” He grumbled. “I mean… Dad--”

 

“Dad doesn’t care,” Seungmin interrupted. “If he did, he wouldn’t have run off. If he cared, he wouldn’t have had a whole other family on us.” This was so strange. He always imagined that it would be Woojin talking _him_ through the divorce logically but here he was speaking to his brother that way. “I can’t believe you’re still trying to defend him.”

 

“Leave me the hell alone.”

 

“No. I’m your brother. I will pester you until we’re both old as fuck sitting in our rocking chairs shaking our canes at noisy children.”

 

Normally, a joke like that would have made Woojin snort back a laugh but the older Kim brother was truly angry. “If she’s really serious about this guy, what if she gets married?”

 

“She said it’s only been a month.”

 

“Time flies,” Woojin told him. “And then she’ll be married again.”

 

Maybe Seungmin was living in an alternate universe because how was that bad? “Is that the worst that can happen?”

 

“Yes!” Woojin said rather quickly. Loudly. He had almost been calm but now his temper flared up all over again. He raised his voice. “Our family is gonna change! She might change and everything will be different. What if I hate him or he hates us? What if there’s nothing we can do about that?”

 

“We don’t even know who he is, Woojin. He could be the best guy on the planet.”

 

“Or the worst.”

 

“Or really really good.”

 

Woojin groaned. “I don’t want her to get hurt again.”

 

Neither did Seungmin. “He could be the love of her life.”

 

“But--”

 

“And we won’t know that until she has the time to find out.”

 

“But I like how things are now. I don’t want to get used to someone else. It’ll be like starting all over again.”

 

Now Seungmin… understood. It had taken years for the scars from the divorce to heal. For the damage to be mended. Even now, there were some bumps and bruises left behind on the tiny things. Mom still only used one side of the closet as if she couldn’t bring herself to put her things where Dad’s things used to be. Woojin still accidentally set out four places at the table some evenings. Seungmin still found himself walking through the dark of the house on certain nights, on his way to the kitchen for a midnight snack or something, groggily stepping around furniture in the living room that hadn’t actually been there in years. Or he’d be minding his own business reading or something when he would suddenly remember some time way in the past when all four of them were together and happy and had no worries. But-- “You can’t make her be alone.”

 

Woojin stayed quiet. Fuming.

 

“Isn’t that selfish of you? You can’t keep her from this.”

 

Woojin bit down hard on his bottom lip.

 

“Mom isn’t just our mother,” Seungmin reasoned, “she’s a person, too. A person who needs love.” She had thoughts and feelings and wishes and goals and needs just like everyone else. Being a parent didn’t exclude her from that. Being a divorcee didn’t, either. His voice lost all of its volume and conviction. “We shouldn’t stop her from being happy. She’s been through enough.”

 

“I get that,” Woojin grunted. “I get it. I really do. But what if he’s an asshole just like Dad turned out to be? I’m going to be across the country in a few months. I won’t be here to tell him to fuck off. I won’t be here to protect her.”

 

“I’ll be here.”

 

Woojin laughed and his amusement kind of hurt. “Will you actually do anything? You think dating assholes is okay.”

 

Wow. Fuck. That lit the fire back in Seungmin’s soul. “Shut the hell up,” he growled out.

 

Woojin turned to look at him, looking smug like he had pressed buttons on purpose. “He’s just going to drag you down with him. If you ever get caught up in anything illegal, I will not be bailing you out of jail.”

 

“Why would you even bring Hyunjin up? He’s got nothing to do with this.”

 

“He’s got everything to do with this? Can’t you see?”

 

“How?”

 

“Because watching you date that guy kills me. It makes me miserable. You look right through all of his scrapes and black eyes and violent tendencies like he’s some kind of teddy bear when it’s so clear that he’s got nothing good to offer.”

 

“There’s more to him than--”

 

“What if Mom is dating someone like him? Someone who is clearly a mess. Someone with a seedy life that gets Mom tangled up in some dark shit. What would you do? How would you feel?”

 

“She can date whoever she--”

 

“How would you _feel_ , Seungmin?” Woojin snapped. “How would you feel if Mom brings home some thug? Like a mafia boss or something?”

 

That was extremely unlikely. “Woojin…”

 

“Answer me.”

 

Seungmin’s voice got caught in his throat. “That’s got nothing to do with--”

 

“Answer me!”

 

“I’d be worried.” The words tumbled out of Seungmin’s mouth faster than he could stop them. “I don’t want her to date someone scary.”

 

“See? I’m not crazy. Why can’t you be this smart about that other dude?”

 

“Because he deserves a chance.”

 

“Do all fugitives deserve a chance?”

 

“Woojin.”

 

“I don’t want you going out with him,” Woojin was screaming at him now. “You’re so much better than this, Seungmin. He’s got you under his spell but I see him for what he really is. Why can’t you see that he’s an asshole?”

 

Seungmin shrank like a turtle retreating into its shell. “ _You’re_ the asshole. Didn’t Mom ask you not to talk about Hyunjin like that?”

 

“Surely she just meant at the dinner table.”

 

Seungmin fought to get his anger and frustration under control. He had to get their discussion back on track before it devolved further. Before they actually started swinging on each other. “I can date who I want. Mom can date who she wants. It’s been more than long enough.” Maybe a few years back, it wouldn’t have been a good idea, but she was different and stronger now. It was about time. “We should want her to be happy more than anything. She’s done so much for us.”

 

Woojin got quiet again. He pressed a hand to his temple as if he could feel a headache coming on.

 

“Think of it this way,” said Seungmin, “if you and Jihyo break up--”

 

Now Woojin was on the defensive. “I’m not going to break up with her. I love her.”

 

Seungmin kept on, “If you and Jihyo broke up, if you’re way out in Seoul while she’s still here, wouldn’t you want her to date someone else?”

 

“We aren’t breaking up.”

 

“Wouldn’t she want you to date someone else?”

 

Woojin just repeated, louder, “We aren’t going to break up. We can handle a little distance.”

 

“What I’m trying to say is that it’s possible to love more than one person in a lifetime. There will be someone after Jihyo.” And, for him, there had been someone after Haknyeon. “Mom had Dad for a while but he left her. If she wants to date again, she should be allowed to and it’s kind of fucked up that you’re so against it.”

 

“I’m not against it. I just don’t want her to.”

 

“Do you hear yourself?”

 

“She can but I object.”

 

“You’re not making any sense.”

 

Woojin raised his voice, “How can we have another Dad? How can we do that to him?”

 

“Moving on is the nicest thing we can do for that man after what he’s done.”

 

“You don’t understand,” Woojin snapped. “You’re a kid. You don’t remember him.”

 

“I _do_ remember,” Seungmin shot back. “Not just the bad but the good, too. I remember how he always clogged the toilet but never plunged it down but we loved him anyway. I remember all the hours he’d spend repairing our neighbors’ car. And the times when he cut the grass, it would always be uneven because he always rushed the corners. I remember he always sat on that ugly red chair in the corner of the living room and played his guitar all evening on Saturdays. He was horrible at guitar and played the same two or three songs over and over and over and he never seemed to improve despite all of his playing but we loved him anyway. Mom loved him anyway. I remember he--”

 

“Okay,” Woojin cut him off, holding out his hand. “You made your damn point but can I make mine? I don’t want anyone to try and take his place. No one will be good enough.”

 

“Almost anyone would be better.”

 

Woojin turned to glare at him. If his eyes could catch fire, they would have in that moment.

 

Seungmin leaned back, surprised by the sudden heat. He was tempted to back off and change subjects. Tempted. “Do you not remember what he did, Woojin? He ruined everything. He _took_ almost everything just to give it to some other woman.”

 

“I know that.”

 

“We’ve got half-siblings out in the world somewhere who we’ve never even met.”

 

“I know that.”

 

“Do you not remember coming home to an almost-empty house back then? He left without even saying goodbye. That stupid note didn’t count. He left without saying _anything_. Mom didn’t even have a clue about what he did or why until way after! She was devastated.”

 

“I KNOW THAT,” Woojin screamed at the top of his lungs. His voice echoed down the empty street, blending in with the hiss of the falling rain. Neither of them moved for a while. And then... “I know that,” Woojin said again, his voice raspy and strained. “But why does it have to be now? Why does Mom have to start dating again _now_?”

 

“Do you want her to wait until you’re in college? Until I’m in college? Until we’re both out of school with our lives together? She’ll be old by then and--”

 

“Can it, will you?” Woojin turned his gaze back to his shoes, trembling with anger now instead of shivering from his cold bones. “I just thought we were enough. I thought _we_ \--” he waggled a finger between the two of them, “--were enough.”

 

Seungmin sighed. “Aren’t you enough for the both of us?”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He looked over at his brother, eyebrow raised.

 

Seungmin hadn’t meant to say that aloud but since they were angry and hashing things out... “You’re Mr. Perfection, aren’t you? Mom will be more than happy to show you off to her new beau.” He did his best Mom impression. “Look at what I made. One of two. You don’t want to see the other one but at least _this_ one of them turned out okay.”

 

“Seungmin…”

 

“I’m just saying. I’m the fuck up. You’re the star. If Mom’s new thing will hate anyone, it will probably be me.”

 

“Now you’re the one bringing up things that don’t matter.”

 

“It does matter. It’s all I care about. Everything comes easy for you, doesn’t it?”

 

Now Woojin was truly angry. Not the loud and boiling over kind of anger but the cold, still kind that ran deeper than the ocean. Woojin slid away to the far end of the bench and turned his body so that his back was to his brother. His voice was now like a freezing blizzard. “Nothing in this life comes easy, okay? I worked hard for everything I got. You don’t know anything. You don’t work hard. You don’t even _try_. Do you know how much work I put in?”

 

“So much that you’re no fun.”

 

Woojin kept on like he hadn’t heard. “I work my ass off, okay? At everything. It only looks easy to you because you don’t see my blood, sweat and tears.” He ran a hand through his wet hair, making tiny little droplets of rain fall from the ends. “We aren’t the richest people out there. Earning that scholarship was a godsend. The less Mom has to worry about money, the better.” He kicked at the sign next to the bus stop bench and the whole thing rattled something fierce. “You think it’s a bad thing to be perfect. I think it’s the absolute bare minimum I can do for her.”

 

“For Mom?”

 

“Jihyo,” Woojin said, his anger suddenly gone, his voice suddenly soft. “I work my ass off in school. I study. I play tennis. Participate in all of those other extracurriculars and get all of those stupid trophies and certificates. For her. If I’m not good at everything, am I even good at _anything_?” Slowly, he turned around to look at his brother. The hood had slipped backwards off of his head and now his face was entirely visible, his pain was crystal clear. He looked broken. “To her parents, I’m probably just some filthy country bumpkin, right? Some peasant from the outskirts. I have to be the best to be considered even half as good as her in their eyes. I have to stand the tallest, be the strongest and smartest and win everything so that I’m even marginally worthy of standing next to her. Families like that… They’ll never say yes to me otherwise. I have to accomplish my own goals so that they’ll never try to think I’m using her. I have to earn my own money and pay my own way through school so that they won’t think I’m just a dirty leech seeking handouts.”

 

“Woojin.”

 

“You don’t understand, Seungmin. I can’t be average if I’m with her. I have to be extraordinary to even be considered an option.”

 

His words echoed Seungmin’s own thoughts so perfectly. Ever since that day he’d walked up the driveway to Hyunjin’s house, he had felt like he wasn’t worthy, somehow. Hyunjin had never brought it up, had never said anything about Seungmin’s lack of ‘fancy’ things but the reality of the gap between them was always there. It was uncanny that he and his older brother were fighting the same battle but the main difference was that Seungmin would rather run away from everything than try to elevate himself.

 

“People change when they date each other,” Woojin said. “And I don’t want to bring her down. And when she lifts me up, I don’t want her to have to work so hard to pull me to her level.”

 

Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut and fought to catch a deep breath. He had never even thought that Woojin felt that way about his relationship with Jihyo. His older brother was always so confident and steadfast but perhaps that was part of his plan, too. To become infallible. Indestructible. To be someone who could walk down the aisle next to Jihyo, perhaps not with her same status, but with the same drive and ambition and spirit that her parents probably possessed to achieve such status. Now all of the grueling hours Woojin put into studying or tennis practice made sense.

 

“Maybe just maybe,” Woojin said, “you’ll find someone worthy to work that hard for.”

 

Mom’s words echoed in Seungmin’s head: ‘Just look out for him, dear. Bright stars burn out the fastest.’

 

Slowly, Seungmin approached the topic, “If Jihyo’s parents thought so poorly of you, would they have let you date her for this long? It’s been years.”

 

Woojin shook his head but it seemed more in response to his own bad thoughts than to Seungmin’s question. “Maybe it’s because I just feel inadequate, but I always think that they are just letting her spend time with me while they have some other plan in place. Perhaps when she takes up the business or even after she graduates high school, they’ll set her up with someone more handsome than me, richer than me. Someone on par with her. Someone whose status they’ll never question. Whose intentions they’ll never have to fret about.”

 

“Woojin…” Seungmin exhaled.

 

“It’s fine, really.”

 

Now it was Seungmin’s turn to worry. He had yet to meet Hyunjin’s family, but if Hyunjin’s older brother disapproved of his orientation, wouldn't he be against Hyunjin and Seungmin dating in the first place? Their gap in economic status wouldn’t even be the deciding factor. “Her parents wouldn’t let you date her _at all_ if they disapproved of you in even the slightest of ways.” He looked over at Woojin. “They’d have found a way to come between you long before now if they didn’t think you were a good choice.”

 

Woojin rolled his eyes. “Easy for you to say.”

 

“Maybe you’re doing enough, Woojin. They see you trying hard. They see you working your ass off. They know Jihyo’s going to be taken care of.”

 

His older brother let out a weird choking noise. “I was so _sure_. I was positive that college wouldn’t be a big deal for the two of us. That I would go and come back on the weekends or something and everything would still be the same but now I’m not sure. Now, I’m constantly second-guessing myself. If her parents matched her up with some other guy, would she even fight them over it?”

 

“Did you not hear anything I just said? You’re not listening to me.”

 

“I mean, she’d just go along with it, right? With the arranged marriage. She’d finally be dating on her level.”

 

“You’ve watched too many dramas.”

 

“She’d drop me in a heartbeat for some corporate heir, wouldn’t she?”

 

“Woojin, you _know_ her,” Seungmin attempted. “You know she’s not like that. Even in the very beginning, she didn’t care about any of that shit. She fell in love with you. She enjoyed being at the house. She loved eating dinner with us and hanging out on the couch and splitting open a watermelon on the back porch with Mom. When we went over to her house, she never flaunted her wealth. It was just a part of her life and she was more than willing to let us be a part of that.” He slid across the bench to wrap an arm over his brother’s shoulders. “You’re not some disposable toy. She’s never thought of you like that.” He remembered his own conversation with Jihyo the other day. “She likes you because she thinks your glasses are hot.” He put his finger against Woojin’s neck, behind his ear and right on his--

 

“Ahh, my tickle spot!” Woojin squirmed in Seungmin’s grip.

 

Seungmin poked his brother again, a devious grin on his face. “She loves you. She loves you.”

 

Woojin shook him off. “Get off me, asshole.”

 

“I will if you stop doubting Jihyo’s love for you.” He went for the tickle spot again.

 

Woojin squirmed so hard they both nearly fell off the bench. “Okay, okay,” Woojin gave in. “I won’t doubt her again.”

 

Seungmin released his hold on him and they both stared at each other for a long, tense moment before simultaneously bursting out into laughter. “Now let’s get home,” Seungmin said when the tension had lifted and their giggles had settled. “Mom’s waiting for us.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“Psst.”

 

Seungmin almost didn’t hear the sound. It sat at the very edge of his perception and wasn’t too different from the noise of his and Woojin’s shoes stomping across the wet grass of the front yard.

 

“Psst.”

 

The rain had stopped. Fortunately. Most of the clouds had thinned and had been swept inland by the breeze. The trees, quiet earlier in the night, had come alive with the noise of crickets and frogs. The stars above the ocean were visible now, bright and twinkling and close.

 

Everything was alright again.

 

“Psst!”

 

Seungmin glanced over in the direction of the sound. On the other side of the blue wooden fence, he just barely spotted the top of Jisung’s head.

 

Seungmin turned to his brother who was already halfway up the front stairs. “Go inside without me,” he said.

 

Woojin frowned. “It’s one in the morning,” he said. “We’ve kept Mom waiting long enough. Come inside.”

 

“I’m going to talk to Jisung,” Seungmin explained. “Just for a second. I won’t leave the yard. I swear.”

 

“Where is he? You’re not going to the beach.”

 

“He’s right there.” Seungmin pointed into the darkness on the other side of the fence.

 

Woojin squinted in the indicated direction. Apparently, he didn’t see Jisung. “You’re crazy.”

 

“He’s standing _right there_ ,” Seungmin whined. “I can spot him from a planet away. Tell Mom I’m outside. You both can watch me from the front door if you don’t believe me.”

 

Woojin let out a long-suffering sigh. “Don’t. Go. Anywhere.”

 

“I’ll stay in the yard,” Seungmin reiterated. He turned and walked away before Woojin had a chance to use his Nagging Older Brother voice because that would be the end of it if he did. Seungmin crossed the yard and then propped his elbows up on the blue wooden fence. “Jisung.”

 

“Best friend,” the boy greeted him. “I’m honored.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Jisung put a hand on his chest. “Of all the people in the world you could choose to be able to spot from a planet away, you picked me. I’m truly honored, my dude.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “Please.”

 

“Everything okay?”

 

It was an odd, abrupt subject change. “Yeah. Why?”

 

“Your mother swung by earlier this evening kind of frazzled and out of it. She asked us if we’d seen Woojin. If he’d come by.”

 

That must have been after Seungmin had left the house after dinner. “I found him,” Seungmin said. He glanced over his shoulder. Woojin was standing in the doorway, watching. Of course. “Wave so he can see you.”

 

Jisung hopped up and down, waving both his arms and smiling brighter than the moon.

 

He must have moved around enough for Woojin to see him because he left the doorway and eased the front door shut.

 

Jisung stepped back away from the fence. “Apparently, you guys had a fight and he got really mad?”

 

Seungmin wondered how much Mom had told him. “We take turns ruining family dinners. It’s a tradition.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I’m joking.”

 

“Well this time must have been different from all of the other times. I’ve never seen her like that.”

 

“He didn’t take his phone. I also think it was the first time he was mad at Mom rather than being mad at me.”

 

Jisung nodded his head. “That makes a huge difference.”

 

“So I had to track him down and then I had to calm him down which just resulted in us arguing but then we weren’t fighting anymore and now we’re here.”

 

Jisung didn’t say anything.

 

Seungmin explained, “It’s a sibling thing.”

 

“I wouldn’t know.”

 

“You… have siblings.”

 

Jisung was barely visible in the shadows of the next yard but Seungmin still saw him shrug. “Doesn’t feel like it sometimes. They’re all way older. I saw them often enough growing up but I still kinda grew up without them.” He must have sensed that he was making the mood a little awkward. He made it even more awkward. “What did you and Woojin fight about _this_ time?”

 

“Mom’s dating again.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah. It’s a pretty big deal.” Seungmin put his chin up on his arms and stared up at the sky. “I was happy at first but now Woojin’s pessimism is rubbing off on me.” He didn’t even know if this was a thing he should talk about. If these were thoughts he should voice, even to his best friend. “What _if_ she makes a bad choice?”

 

“She won’t,” Jisung reassured him. “You know she won’t.”

 

“Thanks,” Seungmin said. He was no longer a fan of this topic. “Can we talk later? I’m so exhausted. I’m practically a zombie over here.”

 

“Cool,” Jisung agreed. “Call me in the morning?”

 

“Gotcha.”

 

They wandered away from the fence, heading towards their respective front doors. Seungmin was tired. So tired that he only just now realized he hadn’t said goodbye to Hyunjin at all. He had left the house earlier that night thinking he’d find Woojin somewhere in the backyard only for his search to last half the night. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Hyunjin. ‘Sorry I just kinda left you at my house. I didn’t think it would take so long to find my bro. Please don’t hate me. Good night.’

 

He was halfway up the front porch steps scrolling through his other notifications when he realized he had gotten a text message from Felix hours and hours ago. ‘End of the pier. 5pm.’ It took Seungmin a minute to remember the context. He had asked Felix the time and place for them to meet tomorrow. He sent back a text. ‘Sorry for late reply. Bit of a family emergency. Meet you there tomorrow.’ Technically, later today.

 

He yawned and swung open the front door. His phone began to ring. His Babymetal ringtone was extremely loud in the quiet 1am stillness of the house. He answered it quickly just so he could stop the noise. Too quickly to even see who it was calling at this time of night. “Hello?”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

Just those few syllables were enough for him to recognize the voice. “Hyunjin?” Seungmin asked. He realized he sounded way too surprised. He cleared his throat. “You’re still awake?”

 

“I was waiting to hear from you.” Hyunjin’s voice sounded raspy and sleepy.

 

“You didn’t have to stay up.” Seungmin shut the front door behind him and kicked off his shoes, switching his phone from one hand to the other to peel out of his wet jacket. “You could have just read the text in the morning and it would have been fine.”

 

“I wouldn’t have been able to sleep not knowing if you were home safe or not.”

 

“Hyunjin.”

 

“I was worried. Your mother was worried. I only left because she told me to.”

 

Dammit, Woojin. Your little tantrum actually ruined the whole night! “Sorry. I had made a big deal about inviting you over and then was gone half the night. I’m horrible.”

 

“It’s understandable. A lot happened.”

 

Seungmin was actually tired of talking about it now. Not that he hated talking to Hyunjin but constantly stewing in his emotions from the argument with Woojin did not make him feel too good. He switched the subject. “Did you get home okay? It rained for ages.”

 

“Yeah. I got home around nine thirty. Jihyo sent the car.”

 

Nine thirty. Just over four hours ago. Seungmin had actually spent the whole night searching for his brother. “I’m tired.”

 

“But he’s safe and that’s what matters.”

 

It was dark in the Kim house. The light from the front porch shone through the window in the door and cast a diamond shaped block of light across the living room floor but even that did little to illuminate much of the room. Seungmin didn’t need a lot of light, though. Walking around this house in the dark was probably one of his only talents. Too bad it wasn’t all too marketable of a skill. Was there a job that required feeling your way through dark spaces? He’d be good at that. He’d be the best! Seungmin stepped through the living room, knowing exactly how wide to go to avoid the couch and what foot to step forward with to avoid that pesky corner of the rug that could trip you up if you weren’t careful. He trudged down the hall. Mom’s floor lamp was on. Seungmin could see its light spill out into the hall through the crack of the half-shut door. He could also hear Woojin and Mom inside, speaking in hushed voices. Seungmin heard Woojin apologize which was all he needed to hear to know that it was a conversation he probably shouldn’t eavesdrop on, as badly as he wanted to.

 

Seungmin had just slipped into his room and shut the door behind him when Hyunjin’s voice filled his ear: “You still there?”

 

Seungmin snapped out of it. He had forgotten he was even holding his phone up to his ear. “Yeah. I’m here. I’m here. Just tired.” He didn’t bother with the lights. He knew his way around his own room. “I literally walked all over town looking for my brother and then we still had that fight.” _About you_ , he added in his head. “I didn’t realize that we were agonizing over the same things.”

 

“Then it’s good you talked.”

 

“Can we call that talking?”

 

“Communicating,” Hyunjin corrected.

 

“I guess.” Seungmin took three steps forward. One step kinda to the left to avoid running his hip into the armrest of his computer chair. Four more steps forward and then did a slight hop to the right. He flopped down onto his bed belly first. He shouldn’t have done that because now he was too exhausted to get back up and change out of his clothes. He caught a whiff of himself. He smelled awful. “My legs feel like they’re about to fall off.”

 

“I wanted to go with you, you know,” Hyunjin said softly.

 

“It wasn’t your problem. Plus it took all night.” Seungmin found enough strength somewhere in his body to roll over onto his back and stare up at his ceiling. “Things would have been even worse if you were there.” He remembered how Woojin had gone on and on about Hyunjin being evil again. It dawned on Seungmin then that dinner had only gone as smoothly as it had, at least up until the dating news fiasco, because Woojin had been holding back in front of Mom. If she hadn’t have been there, or if she hadn’t established such basic ground rules the other week, would Woojin have gone off on Hyunjin right then and there at the table? If Hyunjin had been with Seungmin when he found him at the bus stop, would Woojin have yelled at him? If they met right now, would they fist fight? Would his brother even stand a chance at winning? Seungmin wondered if he would always have to fight with Woojin because of Hyunjin. He worried if there would ever come a time where he would have to choose between one or the other being pissed off at him. “I don’t think I’ll ever fucking get used to it.”

 

Hyunjin hummed. “Get used to what?”

 

“Fighting with my brother.” It wasn’t even like their usual fights where they could carry on like nothing happened. It was heavier and deeper and weighed on him heavily, a burden he couldn’t shake. “Hearing him scream at me like that.”

 

Hyunjin was very quiet for a long time.

 

Seungmin heard Mom’s door creak open and then click shut across the hall. He heard his brother’s heavy footsteps in the hallway. First swinging up to the the bathroom and then trailing into his room next door before rummaging around in his closet.

 

“It’s not something you ever get used to,” Hyunjin said at long last. “Falling out with a sibling… It hurts like new every single time.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Seungmin had been waiting for this moment all day.

 

From the moment he woke up, his heart had been aflutter in his chest.

 

He had been so anxious to meet Felix, so _ready_ , that he had showered and gotten dressed ridiculously early that afternoon only to wind up with one too many leftover hours before their appointed meeting time. He sat in his room and let his mind spiral into doubt and worry, asking himself questions he didn’t have the answers to. He had gotten worked up to the point that he broke out in a nervous sweat so overwhelming that he had to shower and get dressed all over again.

 

The one good thing that came out of this? He was positive that the second outfit he came up with was far cuter than his first outfit. He did always look great in this particular shade of blue. By the time he was all done, he had just enough time to walk into town and head to their meeting place without needing to wait too long for Felix.

 

It was a cool and cloudy Saturday. The ground was still moist from last night’s storm and there was an almost-metallic scent to the humid air. The wind was still high, whipping through the palm trees and making them flutter and dance, but the clouds held no rain which was a relief. The beach wasn’t as crowded as he expected but even from a distance, he could see that the sand was still a little wet and that the waves were a little high and choppy. It excited and frightened him that there was only a week and a half left until the end of the school term. Summer would be upon him faster than he realized and he couldn’t wait to be done with school for the time being. He had a long list of video games he needed to beat.

 

Seungmin sent a text message to Felix: ‘I’m on the way. Ten more minutes.’

 

Felix’s reply came a little over a minute later. ‘I’ll be waiting.’

 

He swallowed his guilt. He wasn’t doing this to cheat on Hyunjin. They were meeting up just to talk. They were meeting up to talk things through and maybe find closure. Nothing was going to happen.

 

Seungmin crossed the drawbridge and headed into town.

 

He was a little hungry and he wished that his stomach had growled earlier because he could have stopped by the plaza at the end of the boardwalk and gotten a hotdog with slaw and mustard. If he wanted one now, he had to turn around, double back and waste precious minutes, making Felix wait even longer for him.

 

Felix!

 

His excitement for the meeting hit him again and it was like being struck by lightning, all tingling fingers and topsy-turvy balance. He was seeing Felix and they were going to _talk_ . About everything! It was something so simple but it meant so much. Finally, it would be just the two of them. Changbin and Minho hadn’t invited themselves. There wouldn’t be school bells and class schedules limiting their time together. No pesky Jeongin. No patiently waiting Hyunjin. It would be just Seungmin and Felix and all of the words they hadn’t said to each other. All of the words they _had_ said to each other.

 

_I like you. I like you. I like you._

 

It took all of Seungmin’s self-control not to whistle and legitimately _skip_ down the long, wooden pier.

 

The beach may not have been busy but the pier was. The first few tourists of the season were out huddling in front of cameras taking photos or buying grilled shrimp skewers from the old lady’s food stand. Hobbyist fishermen dotted the length of the pier with all of their equipment set up, tossing lines over the sides or scaling the fish they had already caught. The fishy smell was heavy and weird but it was one of those things you got used to living by the ocean. Seagulls circled over head, snapping up whatever unattended fish bits they could, making quite the racket in the process. Out on the water, Seungmin saw the sleek shape of a yacht near the horizon. With a size like that, it may as well have been a cruise ship.

 

Seungmin had showed up a little early, perhaps ten before five, so he was surprised that Felix was already at the end of the pier waiting for him. He almost called out and waved but he stopped himself. He wanted to savor the moment. Like the last cookie in the bag, it tasted a little sweeter if he made himself wait a little. It was legit science! Seungmin wedged his thumb between his lips and bit his fingernail. Just seeing Felix like this was enough. From a distance. It was like going back to the early days of his crush where spotting the top of Felix’s head down the hall could satisfy him, where just watching him scribble down notes in class was the best he could get. There was something different about that kind of pining, where it was just Seungmin and his feelings and the big, wide distance between them. Things were different today because now Felix knew he liked him and he knew Felix liked him. The infatuation was the same but the distance was gone because the only thing stopping them from being together was themselves.

 

Felix’s hair and his long-sleeve shirt was flying every which way in the wind. Every now and then, the wind would hoist his shirt high enough up that Seungmin could get a peek at his smooth, slim back. Felix was leaning against the pier railing. He didn’t seem aware that he had company just yet so Seungmin took a few more moments to admire him.

 

The fisherman near the end of the pier standing a short distance away from Felix packed up the last of his equipment and then turned away to leave, passing by Seungmin without giving him a second glance. This was about as alone as they could get in a public space like this so now would be the time to move in.

 

Seungmin steeled his resolve and stepped forward. “Felix,” he called out, smiling brightly and trying to behave like he had just arrived.

 

Felix turned at the sound of his name. Their eyes met.

 

Like some odd twist of fate, the sun chose that very moment to break through the last few clouds in the sky. The day brightened considerably around them. Sunlight glittered off the tops of the waves and Felix’s eyes sparkled in the way they only did when he was thinking about surfing. Seungmin rolled up the sleeves of his shirt just so that he could feel the warmth of the sun on his forearms. “You weren’t waiting long, were you?”

 

“No. I just got here,” Felix lied, grinning. He didn’t take his eyes off Seungmin.

 

“Glad I didn’t keep you waiting,” Seungmin played along. He stepped closer. Now came the most difficult decision of his life: how close did he get to Felix? Did he lean against the railing a considerable distance away? That would be the safest, cleanest thing to do. He was dating Hyunjin and Felix was going out with Jeongin. Did Seungmin choose some kind of risky middle distance? Maybe just out of arm’s reach? That would also be safe but there was the added benefit of some creative wriggle room. Or did he risk it all and get _close_?

 

Felix made the decision for him. The redhead grabbed the hem of Seungmin’s shirt and used it to guide Seungmin up to the railing right next to him. They faced the ocean together, their shoulders just barely brushing. Several moments passed before Felix let go of him. “You think I’m an asshole, don’t you?” Well, that was… immediate.

 

Seungmin surprised himself by saying, “Yes.”

 

Felix laughed humorlessly. He propped his elbows up on the pier railing and sighed. “I deserve that.”

 

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

 

“I did,” Felix said. “I made a choice. I acted that way. There’s no covering it up. I got jealous, I strung you along, I iced you out, I got Jeongin involved… I’m an asshole.” He groaned. “Feelings are complicated.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Seungmin reassured him. “Or… it’s not just your fault. We _both_ could have behaved better. We both could have made better decisions.”

 

Silence creeped in. They listened to the waves crash against the pier’s wooden supports. The sounds of the amusement park floated to them on the wind.

 

Felix’s voice was low and soft and velvety. “Where do you want to start?”

 

Seungmin laughed, “Where can we even _begin_?”

 

Felix started things off. “I thought you hated me for the longest time. All semester.”

 

“How?” Seungmin had to know.

 

“Every morning, you and Jisung would always get super quiet whenever I walked by. Sometimes I’d catch him looking at me like he just got finished saying something mean about me.” Felix took a moment to compose his thoughts. He gave Seungmin a sideways glance like he wasn’t sure if he should continue. “I would say something to you, trying to be nice, but you wouldn’t always say anything back. You’d just stare with this blank face. I would walk away and Jisung would snicker and then you’d both do all of this whispering. I knew you were talking about me.”

 

Seungmin propped his elbow up on the railing. That… sounded exactly right. Hearing it from a different perspective…

 

Felix continued, “I wondered what I did to you, you know? I kept thinking back and trying to figure out if I had said something to you or did something to you but I couldn’t think of anything. I thought I smelled or that I always had hair sticking straight up. We hardly knew each other and didn’t talk in class so I chopped it up to you just needing someone to hate. I would smile and be nice to try to make things better but you always had this look on your face.”

 

That made Seungmin feel awful. “It was admiration. Not hate,” he explained himself quickly. It was the wildest thing to have to correct but he supposed there was a very thin line between the two. “I really liked you. _Like_ you. I still do. I think you’re the prettiest thing. At school, I got speechless whenever you came around. I planned out everything I wanted to say to you but I always lost my nerve when I actually tried to speak. The only thing I was good at was looking at you.” He turned his head to look at Felix’s profile. He admired the redhead’s thick lashes and pouty mouth and sharp nose. “And Jisung probably did despise you a little bit. All I did was talk about you and all he did was talk about how sick he was of me talking about you.”

 

Felix laughed, although it was more a nervous chuckle than any display of jubilation. “When you confessed in the hall, I was super confused. I panicked. Jeongin already explained the shit timing of the hearts but…”

 

“We talked about that already,” Seungmin reminded him. What thrilled him, what relieved him, was that this conversation was going extremely well. No yelling like with Woojin at the bus stop Friday night. No crying like the one time they thought they were saying goodbye forever. Their words came easy and, to top it all off, Felix had just shifted his weight from one foot to the other and now they were leaning against each other.

 

“I had time to think about it,” Felix said. He turned his head to look at Seungmin. The sunlight hit his eyes just right, turning them as gold as honey.

 

Seungmin wanted to lean forward and count his freckles with his fingertips.

 

“I thought about you liking me back then… I… I realized that I could like you, too. You got along with all of my friends which is a lot because _they_ are a lot.”

 

“You got that right,” Seungmin agreed with a laugh.

 

Felix took a deep breath as if to prepare himself. “So just when I thought I could be something to you… I mean, when I thought that we could be something together, even if it would have only been for a little while if I moved away… That’s when I found out you were dating Hyunjin.”

 

Seungmin’s good mood plummeted. His smile faltered. He turned his gaze out towards the ocean and practically slumped against the railing, no longer feeling strong enough to stand. Hearing it out loud was all he needed. His whole relationship with Felix was nothing but missed connections. Bad timing. It was exactly like a few months ago when Jisung was playing that one gacha game and a 30-day event had started but he’d begun a day late. He’d diligently played and gotten the first 29 daily login rewards but the event ended before he could claim that event-exclusive SSR hero on the 30th day. Jisung had gotten so frustrated that he’d uninstalled the game. He didn’t stop venting for _days_. Seungmin sighed. Felix was his SSR hero on the 30th day and, as fate would have it, the event had ended before he even stood a chance. If only he had listened to Jisung and been a little braver a little earlier.

 

“You moved on,” Felix continued. “And it hurt a little. No, it hurt a lot. Just when I started liking you, I lost you.”

 

Seungmin sat up. He looked over at Felix, a little taken aback by the gleam in Felix’s eyes. “I thought you were leaving,” he admitted. “Every day, you talked about how you were going away and--”

 

“I _did_ think I was going to have to leave.” interrupted Felix, his voice getting a little shrill. “And because of that, I told you that I liked you, knowing you had already chosen someone else.”

 

Hyunjin. “He was very persistent,” Seungmin recalled. He stared at his hands dangling over the railing.

 

“So you settled.”

 

Ouch. Seungmin grimaced. “Don’t put it like that.” But perhaps that was how it should have been put. Now Seungmin was thinking about it differently. Now he was trying to piece together the story in his head a different way. Had he settled? It was such a huge, pitiful word. It didn’t seem to fit. His feelings about Hyunjin weren’t pitiful. They were big and brand new and bright, sure, but nothing he felt for Hyunjin was rooted in pity. He was sure. He was positive. He could absolutely guarantee.

 

“I deserved that, though,” Felix said softly. “You running off to someone else, I mean. I turned you down. I pushed you away because I was sure I’d be heading back to Australia. Seungmin, are you listening?”

 

Barely. “I’m listening,” Seungmin turned to look at him. The wind gusted. It was a good thing Seungmin had decided to leave his hat at home because he surely would have lost it to the sea right then if he were wearing it.

 

Felix put a hand on top of his head to keep his hair mostly in place. “I settled, too. I don’t even like Jeongin. I just said yes to be an asshole to you.”

 

“That’s evil.”

 

“We’re evil.”

 

Dammit. Felix may have had a point. “But Jeongin really likes you. You shouldn’t have brought him into this.” Yet could Seungmin even say anything. He had only allowed this mess to reach this level because of that love war. Wasn’t that the original asshole thing? Weren’t he and Jeongin the truly evil ones here? Why did he ever think accepting that love war would lead to anything good? “About Jeongin… I should tell you--” _About the love war._ But he couldn’t speak the words.

 

Felix prompted, “You should tell me what?”

 

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. “What do we do now?” It was the question that had been eating Seungmin alive all this time. “What are we going to do?”

 

They could just throw caution to the wind, shatter all of the hearts around them and dive right in. It would be dangerous, like bungee jumping without a cord. Like skydiving without a parachute. Their whole world would end but the freefall would be exhilarating. Seungmin was willing to risk it. He was a split-second away from suggesting it. He was sucking in a breath to speak it. To ask if he could kiss Felix when--

 

“We can just look,” Felix suggested.

 

That derailed Seungmin’s thoughts. He blinked. “What are you talking about?”

 

“We can just look,” repeated Felix. “Nothing’s wrong with just looking.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“Like this.” Felix shifted his body so that he could prop his chin up on his hand. He met Seungmin’s gaze and smiled a little. That was it. He didn’t do anything else. He didn’t say anything. He just put all that he was feeling into his eyes. There was excitement there but there was also a touch of sadness. Hopelessness.

 

Seungmin immediately got it. His tummy got all tingly like it was full of butterflies. A fiery touch went down his spine. He mirrored Felix’s posture, elbow on the railing and fist next to his temple. He brought their faces close. Not too close but close enough. He stared at Felix’s face, examining the shape of his eyebrows, the dip of his cupid’s bow. He let himself sink into his daydreams. In them, he was kissing Felix, holding Felix, pressing his face into the crook of Felix’s neck, holding Felix’s hand.

 

Felix. Felix. Felix.

 

Like how it used to be.

 

Like how it may never be.

 

At long last, Seungmin looked him in the eyes. The connection was unfathomable. A universe exploding into being.

 

They didn’t touch. They didn’t kiss. They just thought about touching and kissing.

 

It seemed as if the ocean disappeared and the pier was stretching out into infinity. Gravity seemed to loosen its hold and they were floating away, their hearts untied and free. But it wasn’t meant to last. Reality brought them back down. Jeongin, Hyunjin and the countless other choices they made weighed down on them and squeezed the last little bit of joy from the moment.

 

Only sadness, desperation and longing were left and Seungmin could _see_ the moment where Felix begrudgingly accepted the horrible way things had turned out. The redhead squeezed his eyes shut and spun away.

 

Seungmin crumpled to his knees and let out a shaky, fretful sigh.

 

Yes. They could just look.

 

And it would have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting this question a lot recently so instead of answering it each time in the comments, I would like to address it here! Hopefully, there won't be any confusion in the future. To answer the question: I do not have an upload schedule! I know that some authors have one and it works for them and their process so they can stick with it but I've tried schedules before and I've never really been able to stick to one for very long. It's just not how my process works so it's not particularly comfortable or efficient for me. I write all that I can in my spare time, far more when the inspiration hits, and I post a chapter when I feel it is completed. That sounds EXTREMELY vague, I know, but that's the method that works for me. Depending on how much free time I have on a certain day or how the creative process goes for a particular chapter(s), that means I can have back-to-back chapters up one week and then only one update the next week. (Although I know I've been more on the one-update-a-week with this particular story lately.) At the very least, I try to have one update a week, give or take a couple of days. I still think that's particularly good considering the average chapter length and how long this fic has gotten already. I realize now that I've got quite a few people eagerly awaiting updates to this story and I really try my best to work on a little bit of a new chapter every day but, bottom line, updates come along when I can get them out! The last thing I want to do is promise a set schedule and then fail to keep up with it and disappoint everyone so I do not want to implement an upload schedule at this time! I'm not mad at anyone who has asked about this, I just wanted to announce it here so that the people who have been asking will have an answer~ ~ ~ As always, thank you all for reading and commenting on this fic! It's an honor to get this amount of support. <3


	25. In Which There's A Scandalous Amount Of Snooping

“When night time comes a callin’ on me

I know why I will never be free.

I can’t stop these teardrops of mine.

I’m going to love him ‘til the end of time.

Plain gold ring has but one thing to say,

I’ll remember ‘til my dying day.

In my heart, it will never be spring

Long as he wears that plain gold ring.”

 

Plain Gold Ring by Nina Simone

 

Seungmin didn’t mean to peep. He really didn’t.

 

Or, more accurately, he meant to _look_ , absolutely no question, but he had not expected to find anything. Okay. Okay. He did all of that looking specifically to find something but he was upset by what he discovered! He had been looking for something but he hated that he found something. He hated that he looked!

 

“So basically,” Jisung summarized, “you’re mad at yourself for being nosy.” He didn’t even pose it as a question because that’s exactly what was happening.

 

Seungmin squirmed, nearly knocking the paper plate on his lap to the ground. “It’s so unfair.”

 

“It’s completely fair. You knocked and the door was opened unto you.”

 

“But!”

 

“Best friend.” Jisung took a bite out of his hotdog. Onions, peppers and plenty of relish. Unlike Seungmin, he was completely unaffected by the terrible thing Seungmin had just found. “Just admit it. You did this to yourself.”

 

“Look at it, though.”

 

“I’m looking and my mood has not been changed. It’s just a picture.”

 

“I guess,” Seungmin said. “But it’s so much more than a picture. I mean… We had that conversation and then he posts _this_ not even an hour later.” He was still staring at his phone, gawking at Felix’s newest Instagram post. In the picture, the redhead was posing cutely, holding up a peace sign. All would have been well and good if the details had stopped there but, no, the Snaggletooth Gremlin was standing behind him, chin on Felix’s shoulder, cutely pouting at the camera like he wasn’t the most evil level 1XX thing on the planet. “Ugh. Look at them,” he groaned, “being all cuddly and disgusting and cute. Makes me want to retch.”

 

“You would think they were going out or something,” Jisung deadpanned.

 

“I can’t stand it. How did things wind up like this? How did this happen?”

 

Jisung glanced over Seungmin’s shoulder at the phone screen. “I feel like this is the most expected outcome, dude. This is the most unsurprising thing. They’re together so they’ll be _together_. You gotta get over it.”

 

“I can’t.” Seungmin moaned in frustration but continued to stare at what was frustrating him. Look at Jeongin! His nubby little claws were all up on Felix’s shoulders! Their faces were _so_ close! Felix’s smile looked so bright and uninhibited! It was like he was _happy_. Jealousy boiled over in Seungmin’s chest. Jealousy and pain. Big, green pain like a sickness or a sore. “I can’t believe this shit!”

 

“Best friend,” Jisung nudged him, “you’re acting like you caught him cheating.”

 

That’s what it felt like. “But we were so close! I could have had him.”

 

“But you don’t have him. You have someone else.”

 

“Yeah, but…” He liked Felix and Felix liked him and that should have been the end of it--the _beginning_ of it, rather--but it wasn’t anything because they always kept missing each other by the tiniest bit. They always kept being off on the timing. “We’re like Romeo and Juliet,” Seungmin intoned.

 

“You both want to die?” Jisung asked in a serious voice.

 

Seungmin squeaked out, “No!”

 

It took several seconds for Jisung to visibly relax. “Then how are you two like them?” He took another bite of his hotdog and then eyed the plate that was precariously balanced on Seungmin’s knees. He didn’t want to eat Seungmin’s food this time. He just wanted to slide the plate back a bit so that Seungmin’s next outburst wouldn’t send his meal to the plaza’s mosaic tiles. He reached out for it.

 

Seungmin slapped his hand away. “Felix is Juliet and I’m Romeo. Think back. What was their problem?”

 

“Do you know how long it’s been since I read that thing? And ‘read’ is being generous. More like skimmed.”

 

“Think back!”

 

“I don’t know. They were young and stupid and their families hated each other.”

 

“Okay, we’ve laid the scene. Go deeper. They were attracted to each other. They got close. They wanted to be together but what was their problem?”

 

“Dude, I don’t fucking know. That shit was so long and boring and everyone talked like they were dumb. All I remember is that they fell in love at first sight or some stupid shit and then everyone else destroyed the whole damn city while they tried to get married or something. Or was that just the movie I watched?” He attempted to save Seungmin’s hotdog plate from the precipice of his knees a second time.

 

Seungmin swatted at Jisung’s hand again. “Okay, you’re getting warmer. It’s closer to the end. You find out their problem closer to the end.”

 

Jisung pouted and then leaned back against the bench. Now he was actually going along with Seungmin’s extremely extended analogy and giving it some serious thought.

 

The day had slipped away from them. It was nearly eight in the evening. The sky was turning pinkish with twilight. The plaza around them was actually quite packed, probably because it was a Saturday, and beneath the setting sun and all of the colorful string lights hanging around the place, people were starting to dance to the upbeat music one of the shops was blasting. It was a jazzy tune and one couple in particular seemed to be taking center stage as they stepped and spun around each other to the beat. No one in the crowd seemed to be drunk (yet) but as they stood and watched and cheered on the dancers, there was a heady and festive energy building in the air that made Seungmin feel slightly dizzy and excited if he breathed in too sharply.

 

When Jisung took too long to reply, Seungmin spoke up, “Come on. Right before the end, we got to see a really big problem. It was the root of everything. They would have been together if not for that.”

 

Jisung grumbled. “Dude, I don’t know. The details are all blurry. I just remember them dying.”

 

“That bit came at the end. Just a little bit before that, Jisung. When Romeo still thought they would be able to run away together. What was his problem?” He pointed to his phone as if the image of Felix and Jeongin on the screen was supposed to be a clue.

 

Jisung stared at it for a second. “Easy access to poison?”

 

“Okay, you’re close. You’re in the right ballpark. It had to do with that. It’s the same scene.”

 

“You know I hate guessing, dude. Just tell me. What are you saying? What point are you trying to make or are you annoying me on purpose to be a dickhead?”

 

“Patience,” Seungmin supplied.

 

“Fine. I’ll take another guess.”

 

“No. Patience is the answer. Their problem was patience. Romeo’s problem was his patience. Or, rather, his impatience.”

 

“You lost me. No, you lost me when you brought up Shakespeare like I’d know anything about this.” Jisung shoved more of his hotdog in his mouth. “You could have used an anime reference. That would have been easier. Even if it was something obscure.”

 

“Shakespeare was the first thing that came to mind. Sorry. Don’t think about Romeo and Juliet anymore.”

 

“Thank fuck.”

 

“The moral still fucking applies, though. Impatience is the key word here.”

 

“Why can’t you just say what you mean like a normal person?”

 

“I have Romeo’s problem with impatience.”

 

“You _just_ said not to think about Romeo and Juliet anymore!”

 

“If I had just waited…” Seungmin trailed off. His eyes wandered to the screen of his phone again. He stared at Felix’s photo and sighed wistfully. “If Romeo had been patient, if he had just _waited_ , and not even all that long, mind you, the forbidden concoction would have worn off and Juliet would have woken up and then they could have run off together and that whole bloody tragedy could have been avoided.”

 

“You’re still this hung up on Felix?” Jisung had to ask.

 

“Yeah,” Seungmin mumbled. The tiniest big of guilt clawed at his insides. Wasn’t he being a little foolish? “No.”

 

Jisung didn’t say anything. He just used the one remaining end of his hotdog bun to scoop up the last of his relish and then he dunked it in his mouth. After chewing for a bit, he said, “You need to let it go, man. Aren’t you dating someone else?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Aren’t you happy?”

 

“I am but I regret that other things... didn’t work out.”

 

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this,” Jisung sighed, “but is Hyunjin so bad? Does it _have_ to be Felix?” He pointed at Seungmin’s screen right as Seungmin moved his hand, tilting his phone.

 

Jisung’s finger bumped the screen, bounced off and then bumped it again. A bright red heart appeared in the center of Felix’s and Jeongin’s photo.

 

Seungmin gasped. “You just made me like it.” He looked up at his friend with pure horror in his eyes. “You just made me _like_ it.”

 

“I didn’t make you do anything. You shouldn’t have been looking at that pic anyways.”

 

“I was just curious, okay?”

 

“So curious you had to stare at it for fifteen minutes?”

 

“I would have stopped looking at it eventually.”

 

“Not quickly enough.”

 

“I would have, man!”

 

Jisung narrowed his eyes skeptically.

 

Seungmin quickly said, “I just wanted to be sneaky and _see_ but now you’ve made me like it which means I’m no longer being sneaky.”

 

“Well, unlike it. Problem solved.”

 

“It’s too late to do that! What if he’s seen the notification already? He’ll think I’m snooping.”

 

“You _are_ snooping. Just unlike the pic, goddammit.”

 

“If he’s seen the notification but then checks the photo and doesn’t see me there, he’ll know that I’ve unliked it.”

 

“It doesn’t fucking matter, dude. It’s just a picture. Take the heart back.”

 

“I can’t!” Seungmin jumped up off of the bench.

 

Jisung’s video game reflexes allowed him to reach out and snatch up Seungmin’s plate before it hit the ground. “Dude,” he complained. “Eat your food first. Yell at the sky later.”

 

Seungmin slumped back down onto the bench. Why couldn’t Jisung see that this was a huge deal? Him liking that pic was the equivalent of waving goodbye at all that he and Felix could have had, shouting ‘bon voyage’ at their departing ship! Him liking that pic was practically saying ‘You two are cute together. Have fun.’ With one hand, Seungmin grabbed his hotdog and took a big bite out of it. With his other hand, he held his phone in front of his face and continued to stare at the couple’s photo. Seungmin shivered a little. “I feel like his eyes are following me.” He tilted his phone one way and then the other. “Look at Jeongin’s eyes. Don’t they follow you around like something out of a haunted mansion?” He shoved his phone towards Jisung’s face. “Look.”

 

“I can’t see anything if you hold it that close.”

 

Seungmin drew his phone back a little.

 

“I still can’t see.”

 

Seungmin pulled it back even farther.

 

Jisung frowned at the screen, lifting a hand to tilt the phone back and forth. “His eyes don’t fucking follow you around. You’re just being wacko.”

 

Seungmin sighed and then pinched the screen to zoom in on the photo. Then it dawned on him. “They’re wearing matching outfits!”

 

“How? That’s not even the same color.”

 

“Look at the design on Jeongin’s hat. Now look at Felix’s earring.”

 

“Seungmin.”

 

“They’re both stars. They planned this. They’re wearing couple things already. It’s been like a day! How did this happen?”

 

“You’ve lost it,” Jisung realized. He folded up his paper plate and chucked it into the trash can next to the bench. “You’ve gone completely fucking bonkers, dude. I knew this day would come but I didn’t think it would happen like this. I didn’t think I’d live to see it.” He tsked and shook his head.

 

“This is mind-blowing, okay?”

 

“They aren’t wearing couple anythings. Stars are a popular design. They’re on everything.”

 

“But what are the chances that both of them will wear something with stars on it?”

 

“Very high, I’m sure. Especially when they aren’t even the same kind of star!”

 

Seungmin continued to fret. “I want to wear couple things with someone.”

 

“You can.”

 

Seungmin gasped sharply. His eyes went wide.

 

“Whatever idea you just had, please forget it.” Jisung grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him. “I didn’t mean it. Stop it, Seungmin! Who are you texting? Stop it.”

 

“I’m just messaging Hyunjin.”

 

Jisung continued to panic. “Stop whatever you’re doing. Whatever plan you just came up with is not going to work. You’re shit at coming up with ideas.”

 

“I’m great at plans,” Seungmin contradicted. “This one’s foolproof.”

 

“What is it, then?”

 

Seungmin hit ‘send’ on his message. “I’m going to take a selfie with my boyfriend.”

 

Jisung let out a big breath. “Lord. I thought you were going to do something ridiculous. A picture should be fine.”

 

“Hyunjin and I have to take a pic that’s cuter than theirs.”

 

“Oh no. Seungmin. No. Stop.”

 

“It has to be cuter. He’s got adorable dimples, you know.”

 

“Dude, what the hell?”

 

“Or maybe the pic should be a little risque? A little sleazy?”

 

“Seungmin.”

 

“The hotter the better because then Felix’ll really have to push boundaries to one-up me.”

 

“Dude.”

 

“I just have to prove that I’m doing fine, right?”

 

“But you’re not fine, best friend. You’re legit going crazy.”

 

“Come on, Hyunjin. Reply, already.”

 

“You’ve actually lost your mind.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Seungmin, think rationally. How is this actually going to turn out in the end? If you’re Romeo and Felix is Juliet, you’ll just drink the poison and he’s gonna wind up with a dagger in his chest.”

 

“Jisung, it’s just a picture. I’m just trying to take a picture.”

 

“Oh, so _now_ it’s just a pic?”

 

“Why are you on my case like this?”

 

“Do you not even realize what you’re trying to do? You’re contacting your boyfriend to make the guy you still have a crush on jealous. You’re a player. And not even a good one because you’re a mess about it.”

 

Seungmin pouted. “I’m not a player.”

 

“You’re with Hyunjin but you still like Felix.”

 

“That’s not being a player.”

 

“Then explain to me why you want to take a revenge couple pic? How did you even make that a thing? Ugh. It will be obvious you’re trying to make him mad.”

 

“It’s not… half as awful… as you’re suggesting. I’m just texting Hyunjin. I just want to hang out.”

 

“Under false pretenses! Give me that.” He snatched Seungmin’s phone out of his hands before Seungmin could even finish typing out a message. Jisung backspaced through the unfinished text. His friend tried to snatch the phone back. “Seungmin, stop.”

 

“Jisung!” Seungmin begged for his phone.

 

The boy planted his palm on Seungmin’s face and pushed him backwards. “Stop it, Seungmin. I’m for real.”

 

“Give that back.”

 

“No. Not unless you promise to stop being a dickhead.”

 

Finger by finger, Seungmin peeled Jisung’s hand off of his face. By the time he was done, he was calm.

 

“Are you back with us?” Jisung asked, leaning forward to get a good look at his friend’s face. “Have you come back to your senses?” In his hand, Seungmin’s phone chirped with a brand new notification.

 

Seungmin jumped up.

 

“No. Stop it. Down, boy.” Jisung yanked the phone out of Seungmin’s reach. “Sit!”

 

Seungmin leaned back against the bench with a frustrated groan.

 

“Good boy,” Jisung cooed. He gave the top of Seungmin’s head a quick pat.

 

“It’s probably Hyunjin,” said Seungmin.

 

“It is but I’m not letting you reply until we’re finished.”

 

Seungmin didn’t say anything.

 

“Best friend, are you okay? Do you not even realize that you’re doing shit like this? You’re not making any sense. If I weren’t here, you’d have done something completely stupid by now.”

 

Seungmin busied himself by shoving a bite of his hotdog into his mouth.

 

Now that Jisung had his full attention, and had probably sowed a few seeds of shame in him, he was certain he could get through to the boy now. “I’m just trying to look out for you. You’re going to get _murdered_ if Hyunjin finds out you’re playing him.”

 

Seungmin pouted. “I’m not playing him.”

 

“Then don’t post a couple pic with Hyunjin purposefully trying to rile up Felix. That’s not going to end in any way that’s good.” Seungmin’s phone chirped with yet another notification.

 

Seungmin looked up at him.

 

Jisung put the phone behind his back. “No. We’re not done. Let me finish.”

 

Seungmin folded his arms across his chest and pouted like a child.

 

“Take this seriously,” Jisung chided.

 

“What do you want me to say?”

 

“That you’re going to be mature.” Jisung sucked in a deep breath, held it and then let it out. “I’m going to need you to choose between the two of them.”

 

“What? Right now?”

 

“Right now. If you’re still this hung up on Felix, you’re bound to piss off Hyunjin and wind up in a body bag so either break things off with Hyunjin right now or give up on Felix for realsies.”

 

Seungmin felt ill. So ill that his stomach did a tiny little flip and threatened to dump out the hotdog he’d just finished eating. He never thought he’d have to make such a big choice so soon. He never thought coming up with an answer to that choice would take this long. He thought he would have chosen Felix in a heartbeat, but...

 

His phone got a third notification. Jisung glanced down at the screen. “I can tell him to fuck off forever for you. That’ll solve everything.”

 

The fact that he opened up the message and started typing sent an electric shock of fear up Seungmin’s spine. “Jisung.”

 

“Best friend,” Jisung shot back. There was a merciless edge to his voice that Seungmin only ever heard when they were duo queuing in a League of Legends game, losing terribly because their team’s mid laner fed. Jisung’s thumbs were still flying over the screen. He’d already produced a rather lengthy paragraph. “If you’re going to keep dicking around with people’s feelings because of Felix, I’ll hit send and Hyunjin won’t be in your way anymore. You can do whatever you want.”

 

“Jisung, please don’t. Why would--”

 

“Or,” Jisung cut him off, “I delete the message and you can keep going with Hyunjin but you better not say anything else about liking Felix to me. I swear to fucking God.”

 

“Jisung--”

 

“Felix or Hyunjin, bro. Choose. Right now. Ten seconds. Ten, nine...”

 

Seungmin froze.

 

“Eight, seven, six… Why can’t you answer?”

 

“Why are you so mad?”

 

“Because you’re being stupid but can’t see that. You’ve been playing with these dude’s feelings since you jumped in to that love war. Five, four, three...”

 

This was all quite overwhelming. “It doesn’t involve you. You don’t have to get mad for either of them.”

 

“I’m not mad for them. I’m mad for you because you’ve let things get this far yet can’t stop yourself. Two...”

 

“Stop playing around. This isn’t funny.”

 

Jisung finally looked up from his typing. “Does this look like a joke?”

 

Seungmin gulped. His best friend’s thumb was hovering far too close to the ‘send’ button for his liking. He couldn’t even read what the text said at this angle but if the paragraph was that long and Jisung’s face was _that_ serious, Seungmin was sure the words were cold and cruel and would shatter Hyunjin’s heart. Seungmin was legitimately starting to break out in a nervous sweat. His hands were starting to shake.

 

Jisung’s expression changed. Flickering from anger to surprise to regret to displeasure. “You actually _like_ him, don’t you?” He scoffed. “You said you wouldn’t get attached but look at you. You said you had everything under control but look at you.”

 

To that, Seungmin could only bite his bottom lip and try to sit still. He honestly would have preferred it if Jisung had slapped him across the face or something. Any kind of pain would have stung less than the look on Jisung’s face.

 

“Okay,” Jisung said. He deleted the long message he typed out and both boys watched the scathing words vanish into the digital ether. Jisung handed Seungmin his phone. “If you’re going to date that guy, do it with everything you have. Don’t do it to piss off Felix. Don’t even think about Felix.”

 

Don’t do it to piss off Woojin, either, Seungmin added in his head. He reached for his phone. It felt like it weighed a ton in his hand. “Okay,” he agreed.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Volume Six was approaching its conclusion at a terrifying speed. So much had happened but so much more was bound to happen. Each page flipped brought Seungmin closer and closer to its end. He sat on the actual edge of his chair, thrilled. He felt like he knew how this was going to end but he also couldn’t imagine how this was going to end. The suspense was killing him. How was this going to go? There were only a handful of pages of the manga left yet the conflict on the panels had only just begun! The door had only just been thrown open! How were things going to end?

 

He took a deep breath, afraid to turn the page but unable to just leave things like this.

 

He had to know. He had to _see_.

 

With all of his courage he flipped the page.

 

He sees the protagonist first. She sits in the music room alone, her violin across her legs. She is the last to leave practice. She is always the last to leave practice. Having joined the school band the latest, she has the farthest to go to catch up. She has the most weight riding on her shoulders. Why join if she can’t keep up? She’s heard the whispers of her classmates. She’s felt the doubt eating away at her but the swoopy-haired boy has always been there. He always cheers her on. He always sits and listens to her playing even while she’s at her worst.

 

Late afternoon sunlight pours in through the windows and casts shadows across her sheet music but she’s done playing for today. Or, rather, she’s been interrupted and she knows she won’t be able to start again after all of this.

 

The childhood friend, her boyfriend, stands in the music room doorway, breathing heavy from a sprint across campus. His face is a mix of emotions. He does not know which to show first so his expression is just wide-eyed caution.

 

She sits very still. Around her are the empty chairs of her classmates. The woodwinds, the brass, the strings, the percussion. Everyone has their assigned place.

 

He calls her by her name, knowing that he already has all of her attention.

 

She does not look up when he calls her name, knowing what he’s going to say. _Afraid_ of what he’s going to say. Afraid of how she’s going to respond. She already knows what she’ll say. She already knows.

 

Perhaps he knows as well but he must ask her. He must know.

 

“I saw you,” he exhales. He finally finds the strength to enter the room. He comes down the aisle towards her. He goes out of his way to move slowly, to not appear threatening. His face becomes hidden in the slanted shadows from the windows. “I saw the two of you.”

 

So there it is. She knows what he is referring to and he knows that she knows. Inhale. Exhale. Her finger absentmindedly plucks at one of the strings of her violin. A stray note sings into the air.

 

“I saw the two of you,” he repeats. He stands before her now, sweating. Panting. His face is a pained grimace but not because he’s just finished running. “Did you kiss him?” Even after witnessing it with his own eyes, he must ask.

 

She continues to sit very still. She had kissed him. It’s the truth. The popular, swoopy-haired boy had kissed her and she had let him. She had kissed back. She had… liked it. “Yes.”

 

He completely breaks in front of her. The childhood friend stumbles backwards into the row of chairs in front of her. He can’t find his balance for quite some time. Nothing has prepared him for such cold honesty. He hates that he has asked. “What about me?” He regains his balance. He takes a step towards her. “What about us?”

 

She looks up at him. She steels her resolve. She turns her insides to ice. “I think we should break up.”

 

VOLUME END.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

There was a lot weighing on Seungmin’s mind. He didn’t know how to feel. Like shit? Yeah, that worked. He felt like shit. He had tried so hard but, in the end, fate had decided that things just weren’t going to work.

 

It was Sunday, close to noon, and he was supposed to be meeting up with Hyunjin. Seungmin felt like they had a lot to talk about. Although he had just checked ten seconds ago, he glanced down the street again. They had agreed to meet at the intersection a block or two from school as it was the closest thing to a halfway point considering they lived on opposite sides of town. The Capulets and the Montagues. Seungmin wasn’t early. In fact, he was on time, but Hyunjin wasn’t there yet so the wait was making him anxious.

 

He couldn’t believe things had turned out this way. He couldn’t believe this was how it was going to be. It was Woojin’s fault, honestly. Why did older brothers who did nothing but nag and annoy people still end up winning in the end?

 

Seungmin stomped his foot to get his jitters out. At the very least, he had worn something nice. His Sunday best. Even if things wound up a mess like this, even if Woojin won, Seungmin had to go out looking good, right? It was his one rule.

 

Finally, finally, finally, Hyunjin came into view.

 

The tall boy turned the corner up the street wearing a shirt and tie that was probably too hot for this kind of weather. He looked nice. When Seungmin had planned their date several hours ago, he had requested that they both dress up. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion after all, but now that Woojin got what he wanted, Seungmin and Hyunjin’s date was going to be a bit more somber.

 

If it could be called a date at all at this point.

 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin called out. He gave a tiny little wave and a tiny little smile.

 

Seungmin half-heartedly returned the wave. The poor boy didn’t even know! He watched Hyunjin approach with his chest feeling heavy and his hands feeling shaky.

 

Hyunjin came up to him. “Sorry I’m late.”

 

“It’s fine,” Seungmin said. That meant it would be easier to cut to the chase. “How are you?”

 

“Great. How are you?”

 

“Great,” Seungmin said, but his heart wasn’t in it. All he could think about was Woojin laughing in maniacal glee, pointing at Seungmin’s face as if things weren’t already bad enough. “Just great.”

 

Hyunjin leaned forward to greet him with a kiss.

 

Seungmin turned his head away at the last second. He was still thinking about forty-five minutes ago, Woojin’s shit-eating grin. Jihyo’s shocked expression. Seungmin couldn’t bring himself into the present. He just wanted to go back in time!

 

Hyunjin tried to kiss him again.

 

Seungmin backed away.

 

This made Hyunjin frown. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Seungmin replied quickly. Too quickly. It was obviously _something_.

 

Hyunjin grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and squeezed. The gesture was clearly supposed to be reassuring but it just made Seungmin feel stifled. He pulled away.

 

Now Hyunjin’s face screwed up with concern. “Are you mad at me? Did I do something?” He stepped close. His voice got low and whispery. “I didn’t mean to be so late.”

 

Seungmin stared off into the distance. He was hurt. Truly and deeply. There was no way he’d recover. There was no way he would get past this! “I’m not mad at you.” If anything, he was pissed at his brother. Woojin always knew how to ruin things. “You did nothing.”

 

For a while, Hyunjin was quiet. He had just become aware that something awful had happened or, perhaps, that something awful was about to happen. “Seungmin,” he attempted. They stood next to each other on the street corner in silence. Cars drove by on the road. A thin, white cloud slipped over the sun and the sky darkened a tad, making the shadows disappear. At long last, Hyunjin grew impatient with the strained quiet. “What’s on your mind? Can you tell me that much”

 

It was now or never. Seungmin managed to look over at him. “Toadette is an awful hostess.”

 

Hyunjin did not know how to respond so he didn’t.

 

“She doesn’t know how to throw proper parties at all.”

 

Hyunjin stiffened. He wasn’t sure what to do or say or how to react.

 

Seungmin stared off into the distance again, his eyes glazing over with the pain of his loss. “How could she do that? How could she give Woojin a star and then float all of ten spaces ahead of him so that he could get _another_ star and then she’s got the nerve to act all surprised that he got two stars in one turn? How could she do that? How?” He choked and raised his hand in front of his face.

 

Hyunjin wrapped an arm around Seungmin’s shoulders and pulled him close. “You’re… you’re dead serious, aren’t you?” He breathed a sigh of relief into Seungmin’s dark hair. “You’re serious.”

 

Seungmin swallowed hard. If his brother were here, he’d punch him! “I was in first place the whole game. No one could touch me. I had the win in the bag!”

 

Hyunjin wrapped his other arm around Seungmin and squeezed him tight.

 

“I was acing all of the minigames, I was stockpiling all the Golden Warp Pipes. I played that shit perfect! But then I lose a star to fucking Lakitu because Jihyo’s a bitch and then Toadette practically hands Woojin two stars for free. Well, not for free because you have to pay coins for them but basically for free because he didn’t have to work for them because he just got them both on one dice roll.” He pushed his face into the crook of Hyunjin’s neck. It felt warm and comfortable and safe. “And to add insult to injury, he gets a bonus star at the end of the match! I can’t believe Toadette did that to me. And on the final turn, too. I can’t-- I can’t _believe_ it! The first time I convince my brother to play a game with us… His _first_ round of Super Mario Party and after an hour of having to listen to him complain about not knowing what he’s doing. And… And he _wins_. He beats me! I went from first to fourth in a breath and all because Toadette needs better balloons!” His voice got a little shaky. He couldn’t help himself. He was devastated! “I thought I was the best. Isn’t that enough?”

 

The whole time he ranted, Hyunjin just stood there, his eyes slightly unfocused, his hand tracing small circles into the space between Seungmin’s shoulder blades. When Seungmin shook a little in his arms, Hyunjin gasped and asked, “Are you… Are you actually crying right now?”

 

Seungmin jolted out of his arms. “No, of course not.” He wasn’t. “I just wanted you to hold me.”

 

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide. Then the depth of what Seungmin said hit him and a smile tugged at his lips.

 

“Okay, let’s go,” Seungmin called out. He grabbed Hyunjin’s hand and tugged him in the direction of their destination.

 

Hyunjin allowed himself to be tugged along. “You scared the hell out of me earlier, I hope you know that.”

 

“I was scared, too,” Seungmin said. He dropped Hyunjin’s hand so that he could press his hands down over his cheeks. “Every time Woojin got another star, a tiny little piece of my life flashed before my eyes.”

 

“Seungmin.”

 

“It was terrifying! I had everything planned out. I had a whole squad. The best dice. I was ready for anything and then he just got super lucky. I couldn’t do anything about it! I couldn’t do anything so I guess that means I actually wasn’t ready for anything.”

 

“Seungmin.”

 

He was getting worked up all over again. All he could hear was his brother’s laughter echoing in his skull. All he could picture was Jihyo’s shocked but delighted face. “He claimed he didn’t know what he was doing but… But what if he knew what he was doing the whole time?” He gasped so hard he almost choked. “What if he’s been sneaking into my room and playing my Switch when I’m not home? What if he’s been in the lab _practicing_?”

 

“Seungmin.”

 

“There’s no way that was just beginner’s luck, right? That was three whole stars. He shouldn’t have won. He shouldn’t have come in first. He cheated! He cracked my game somehow. He got into the nitty-gritty and redid the code, I bet. He hacked my console. He did _something_. There’s no way he should have won!”

 

Hyunjin tried one more time. “Seungmin.”

 

He looked up, snapping out of it. “Huh? What? What’s up?”

 

“Your shirt’s on inside out.”

 

“WHAT!?” Seungmin shrieked. He slapped a hand to the back of his neck and, sure enough, his fingers brushed against the tag at the collar. “Oh my God.”

 

Hyunjin giggled.

 

“Oh my God. I’ve been walking through town this whole time looking like a dumb-dumb!”

 

“No. You’re cute.”

 

Seungmin started to take off his shirt.

 

Hyunjin grabbed Seungmin’s wrist to stop him. “Can you at least wait until we’re not in public?”

 

“How did I not notice?”

 

“That we’re in public?” Hyunjin ran his hand through Seungmin’s hair.

 

“That my shirt’s inside out?” Seungmin was going to lose his mind for real. “And Woojin saw me before I walked out the house and he didn’t say anything. The asshole! Ooh, if he’s not home when I get back, I’m super gluing his shoes to the floor. Or maybe I’ll cut holes in all of his underwear. He wears briefs, you know. Like a weirdo.”

 

“I wear briefs,” Hyunjin said distractedly.

 

“You think that changes my mind? You’re a weirdo, too. It’s boxers or bust, bitch. Back up. I’m stripping.”

 

“I don’t care if your shirt’s inside out.”

 

“I care. There’s a whole cute design on the front that you can’t see because it’s inside the fuck out. I’m stripping!”

 

They were halfway down a side street now. It was a relatively busy commercial area but Seungmin had stopped caring. He pulled his shirt off over his head only to struggle for a few seconds working his arms out of the sleeves. The sun felt warm on the back of his neck. The desire to be at the beach hit him immediately. If this shirt didn’t cost so much of his allowance, he’d be turning them around and taking them to the ocean. By the time he had turned the offending article of clothing right side out and had pulled it back on over his head, he realized something. “Hey.”

 

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

 

“That car. I recognize that car.”

 

Hyunjin followed Seungmin’s pointed finger to the end of the block where a yellow coupe was parallel parked. “Whose car is that?”

 

“Mr. Ok’s.”

 

“Who is-- Wait. The school nurse? That’s his car?”

 

“It’s gotta be. I’m positive that’s the only one like that in town. Let’s snoop.”

 

“Snoop? What?”

 

Seungmin grabbed Hyunjin’s wrist and yanked him towards the end of the sidewalk. “I bet he’s in the cafe. He’s gotta be. Come on.”

 

“Why do you want to snoop?”

 

“Come on. Let’s just look.” If this were Jisung, they’d be turning this into a game. They’d be pro thieves about to sneak through world-class security to steal from some dirty CEO’s cash vault.

 

But instead… “Seungmin, he’s probably just trying to enjoy his weekend. Let’s not bug him.”

 

“He won’t know we’re bugging him because we’re not going to get caught. Follow me. Do what I do. Smoke bomb!” Seungmin ducked low and crawled up next to the nurse’s decent sports car.

 

“If the wrong person… No, if anyone sees you, they are going to think you’re trying to break into that.”

 

Seungmin would not be stopped. “It’s just cover. Time to get into position.” He circled around the trunk of the car, startling a middle-aged man walking past them on the sidewalk and then poked his head up just high enough to glance into the cafe’s front window. “Jackpot.”

 

“Seungmin.”

 

“Get down before he sees you.”

 

“He can probably see you, too.”

 

“Get down. Get down.”

 

Reluctantly, Hyunjin squatted down on the sidewalk next to Seungmin. He shielded his eyes with his hands so that he could peer through the glass. “I see him,” he said, allowing himself to be Seungmin’s partner-in-crime. “Three o’clock.”

 

Seungmin glanced in the indicated direction and then nearly blew their cover with a high-pitched squeak that sounded exactly like an angry seagull. “It’s the art teacher.” He struggled to lower the volume of his voice but he was just so excited. “Our letter worked. They’re on a date! Are their knees touching? Oh my God, their knees are touching.”

 

Hyunjin turned to look at Seungmin. His eyes sparkled with pure, unadulterated fondness.

 

Seungmin didn’t notice. “Did he just-- Did he just… Oh my God, did he just fake-cough and put his arm around her shoulder? That’s so old school and cheesy but it fits him so well.” The nurse and the art teacher were only sitting about three or four tables away from the front glass but, fortunately, the angle of their chairs kept them from facing the window. Seungmin had spent enough time skipping class in the nurse’s office to be able to recognize Mr. Ok even if he had his back mostly turned. Seungmin covered his mouth with his hands so that he could squeal again. “Jisung is going to lose his shit. He’s going to fucking lose it. I have to tell him! The letter was his idea, you know.”

 

He watched the art teacher throw her head back and laugh at something the nurse said. She raised a hand to her shoulder and let her fingers gently rest on the nurse’s hand.

 

Seungmin nearly fell backwards on his ass. “Oh my God. Did you see, Hyunjin? Did you see? She just kissed him on the cheek.”

 

Hyunjin wasn’t really paying attention. He couldn’t take his eyes off Seungmin. He couldn’t stop looking at the boy smile and get so excited. Unable to help himself, he scooted a little bit closer and then draped an arm over Seungmin’s shoulders. “What’s there to see? They’re just two people on a date. What’s so special?”

 

“Everything,” Seungmin said, giddy. “This is so rare. Don’t you see?” His smile was wider than the sky, brighter than the sun. What he saw before him was so perfect. “Look how fantastic it is, how absolutely lucky it is, that two completely different people can be so compatible and manage to like each other at the exact same time.” What were the _chances_?

 

“Hmmm.” Hyunjin pressed close to him and suddenly planted a kiss on the corner of Seungmin’s mouth. His lips were cool but rough and gently scratched at Seungmin’s skin. Hyunjin asked, “Like us?” His lips dragged over Seungmin’s mouth and then pressed against it firmly in a quick, lopsided kiss.

 

Seungmin pulled back so that he could look Hyunjin in the eye and hold his gaze for a quiet, powerful moment. “Like us,” he repeated.


	26. In Which Seungmin Transforms Into The God Of Thunder And Lays Waste To His Opponent To Devastating and Irreversible Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a fair bit of warning, there are scenes in this chapter that describe physical violence/bullying. Just wanted to give a head's up!

“Keep my name out your fucking mouth

Before you find out what we about.

Type of shit that you read about.

If you talk it then be about it.”

 

Rage by Rico Nasty

 

Feelings could be complicated. Even more complicated than trying out a multi-step recipe for the very first time. Like there were unfamiliar ingredients involved or perhaps an impractical cooking method. Something that required an hour or two of prep time with vegetables that needed to be chopped and meat that needed to be marinated. That’s how stressful feelings could get but, like a recipe, there was a way through it. The list of ingredients, the numbered instructions and, if the cookbook was decent, the full-color photos would all serve as a guide. Yet even with a guide, there was always that fear of something new. Of something untested. There was always the mild anxiety of possibly forgetting an important, crucial step or accidentally skipping one of the many processes, and then the end result came out unsatisfying or even inedible and then there was nothing else to do but feel ashamed at the sheer amount of wasted time, food, energy and money. The simplest of things could mess everything up, Seungmin knew. The tiniest little distraction could cause the heat to stay high for too long, making the stew on the stove boil over and get everywhere, scorching on the burner and filling the kitchen with smoke. Or doing too many things at one time could cause more time than intended to slip by and then when the oven door was opened, far too late to salvage anything, there’s that sour realization that a dish has been criminally overcooked. But feelings weren’t like cooking in one crucial way. If a dish was ruined, it could be started over from scratch and then, when it was sat on the dining table, the customers weren’t aware at all of the horrors that had occurred in the kitchen.

 

Feelings couldn’t always be tossed out and made over again from something fresh. Feelings always carried the damage and stress of what came before. Feelings could be poison even if they were sweet.

 

Seungmin knew everything there was to know about stressful, complicated feelings. He was an expert. He could have his own talk show, The Kim Seungmin Show, and he could have special guests on every day and he’d be able to tell them and the live studio audience absolutely everything there was to know about how shitty feelings could be when they got in the way.

 

A year ago, he knew how stressful and complicated it was to discover that the tingly feeling he got in his chest whenever his best friend was around was because he wanted, more than anything, for his best friend to want to be more than his best friend.

 

Half a year ago, he knew how stressful and complicated it was to realize that he didn’t want his secret rendezvous with the school’s track star to be just secret, shallow trysts under the athletic field bleachers anymore, only to discover that he was the only one who felt that way.

 

Back in the spring, he knew how stressful and complicated it was to harbor such a strong fondness for someone who never even looked his way. He knew how it hurt to have this huge storm of joy and attraction in his chest and have to weather that storm alone. Even after he chose to be brave. Even when he had tried everything.

 

Fortunately, feelings could also be simple.

 

They could be big or small, blue or yellow, triangular or round, but feelings could also be plain and easy and always _right there_ if he turned a certain way. A dish he could cook well without having to look up the recipe or needing to set a timer. A meal that would still be great even if he didn’t get everything perfect in the process and it didn’t come out exactly like he pictured. Exactly like it was pictured in the cookbook.

 

It was these types of simple feelings that could make him forget about other more complicated things.

 

“We’re going to be late for class,” Hyunjin warned. “We _are_ late for class.” But he followed Seungmin anyways.

 

“Who cares?” Seungmin hissed back, leading Hyunjin up the last flight of stairs before pushing open the door to the school roof. Morning sunlight greeted them. The day was warm already and the air was crisp, the sky was clear and cloudless. It was as if it hadn’t stormed over the weekend at all. “I’m tardy every day and awful at math. The calculus teacher is probably thankful I’m gone.” Seungmin skipped across the roof, grinning.

 

“You should care,” Hyunjin told him, following him at a much more leisurely pace. “Attendance is crucial.” The wind was comfortably warm today and it blew his messy hair every which way.

 

Seungmin spun around to face him, a wild smile on his face. “Says the guy who stays getting suspended.”

 

Hyunjin waggled his finger and scrunched up his nose like ‘you got me there.’

 

“We’re both bad students,” Seungmin made his argument. “So what’s wrong with being bad students together?”

 

By then, they had reached the far side of the roof. Seungmin approached the fence and stared out over the school grounds, over the tennis courts. He could see all the way out to the ocean on a day as pretty as this.

 

It was Monday; Hyunjin’s first day back at school after getting involved in that huge group fight what felt like a lifetime ago. It was also their first day back at school, the two of them, after becoming an official couple.

 

It felt strange. Different. New. A recipe that combined unlikely, questionable ingredients.

 

“Mind if I smoke?” Hyunjin asked.

 

“Go ahead.” Seungmin turned away from the view and put his back against the fence. Across from him, Hyunjin was pulling a lighter from his pocket and holding the tiny flame in front of the cigarette dangling between his lips. When the fire caught, he inhaled on the cig until the cherry burned bright and then he stashed the lighter back in his pocket. Standing there, Seungmin got a sense of deja vu so strong that he felt dizzy. This was just like the week before last. The misdelivered confession letter, Seungmin’s heart pumping hard with the wild adrenaline of a forbidden meeting on the rooftop, Hyunjin standing across the way from him and saying _Look, we need to chat_. That was where things between him and Hyunjin had truly began. That was the first day they’d said more than two words to each other all school year. Seungmin laughed. He couldn’t control it. It just jumped out of his mouth and into the air.

 

Hyunjin pulled his cigarette out of his mouth and his exhaled smoke got caught on the wind and went flying. “What’s so funny?”

 

Seungmin shook his head. Even trying to explain it sounded silly. Two weeks ago, he had firmly believed that the one true impossibility in this world was that he’d make out with Hyunjin. Now, in so short a time frame, he had done that exact thing repeatedly. It hadn’t been impossible after all. “Nothing,” he said. “Nothing.”

 

Hyunjin smiled and resumed his smoking, running a hand through his hair to keep the majority of it out of his face as the wind changed directions.

 

For a while, Seungmin just watched him.

 

When Hyunjin caught him looking, he kindly asked, “What?” And then, when Seungmin didn’t immediately answer, he went on, slightly less sure, “Did you lose to your brother in another Mario game?”

 

This made Seungmin throw his head back and laugh. A solitary, high-pitched ‘ha!’

 

“Okay, so... you won?” Hyunjin interpreted.

 

“Damn straight,” Seungmin confirmed.

 

Hyunjin visibly relaxed. “What did you do this time?”

 

“I challenged him to a one on one in Smash Bros and three-stocked his ass. Absolutely bodied him.” He struck a victory pose.

 

Hyunjin smirked. “I bet money that he didn’t know what he was doing but you went all-out anyway.”

 

“That’s not the point,” Seungmin steepled his fingers in glee. “All that matters is that I got to laugh in his face just like he laughed in mine.” He let out a wicked giggle.

 

“And I thought I was savage.” Hyunjin ground out the last bit of his cigarette on the cement of the roof and, slowly, deliberately, began to bridge the gap between them. “You should come over this afternoon.”

 

Seungmin hated how quickly his laughter died in his throat. “To your house?”

 

Hyunjin nodded.

 

Oh. Fuck. _Oh fuck_! Seungmin tried to downplay how opposed he was to the idea. “I’ll have to ask my brother.”

 

“Not for long. Just for a little while.”

 

“I have finals to study for.”

 

Hyunjin was still walking across the roof towards him. Getting close. Reaching out. “So do I.”

 

Seungmin switched tactics. “Will your brother be home?”

 

It was probably the wrong weapon to use. The explosion of his question went off between them. Hyunjin’s expression soured. At the last second, he shifted sideways to walk up to the fence instead of up to Seungmin. He put his hand on the fence and stared off in the direction of the distant ocean waves. “Yeah,” Hyunjin admitted. “He’ll be home all week.” He looked over at Seungmin and caught the worry in the boy’s eyes. “It won’t be a big deal.”

 

But it _was_ a big deal. Almost fretfully, Seungmin asked, “What if he catches us?”

 

Several seconds passed before Hyunjin said, “He won’t do anything to you.”

 

Seungmin caught on to the unspoken words. “But he’ll do something to you?”

 

“No,” Hyunjin said.

 

Seungmin was not convinced but he did not want to press the issue. “Fine. I’ll come over.”

 

Hyunjin approached him again. Slowly, he raised his hand and pressed it to the side of Seungmin’s face. “My parents will be home, too. I want you to meet them.”

 

“Oh.” The syllable slipped out of Seungmin’s mouth without his control. Meeting Hyunjin’s parents sounded like an adventure he was not a high enough level for yet. Then it dawned on him that Hyunjin had had not one but _two_ dinners at the Kim house already. “This is really important to you, huh?”

 

Hyunjin dragged his thumb along Seungmin’s jawline. “I just want to show them.”

 

Show them who he was dating. Show them who he liked. What he liked. He didn’t have to say it but Seungmin had experienced this exact conversation before.

 

Months ago, he had told Haknyeon the same thing. ‘Let’s start dating at school,’ he had said to lead up to it. He remembered the startled look in Haknyeon’s pretty eyes. He also remembered that Haknyeon’s nose had turned as red as Rudolph’s out in the cold that day. That’s why Seungmin had been holding him close as they sat under the pier. And holding him like that had made him want to say those words. Made him want to say ‘you should come out.’

 

Haknyeon had said one word: ‘Why?’

 

Seungmin had responded with, ‘I just want to show them.’ In his head, it was reason enough. In his head, showing everyone was the ultimate goal, the final boss!

 

‘Show them what,’ Haknyeon had asked, either not understanding or completely understanding but desperately wanting Seungmin to reconsider. Desperately desperately desperately.

 

Seungmin had charged forward blindly, not picking up on the clues, letting his heart take over and lead him from one bad decision to the next. ‘That we love each other,’ he had said with all of his chest, all of his heart. ‘That I love you.’ Hadn’t winter break been great? Why couldn’t things be great all of the time? Out in the open! Why could they only be great in secret? So Seungmin said it again, ‘I love you.’

 

And that’s when Haknyeon’s eyes had gotten as cold and dark as the winter sky above their heads. That’s when Haknyeon pulled away until he had freed himself of the circle of Seungmin’s arms. That’s when he got up off of the sand, looking small and lost and frightened inside his big, fluffy jacket. ‘Let’s not see each other anymore,’ he had said before walking away, leaving Seungmin alone beneath the pier.

 

And that’s when Seungmin realized he’d be spending the rest of his winter break alone.

 

And now, half a year later, Seungmin understood the true depth of such words: ‘I just want to show them.’ When he had said them, he had thought nothing of it, but now that such huge words had been aimed at him, he realized how serious they were. No wonder Haknyeon had crumpled beneath the weight of them and fled last winter.

 

“Okay,” Seungmin said, back in the moment. “Let’s show them.” _Them_ . Hyunjin’s family. His parents. His older brother. At school, Hyunjin was a god. Untouchable. Fearsome. He could do whatever he wanted on campus and not be questioned but, at home, he was probably just a boy. A boy who fought bravely to be who he truly was. A boy who had to physically fight just to earn scraps of his brother’s respect. Seungmin snaked an arm around Hyunjin’s waist. It was a fight that probably wasn’t fair and certainly wasn’t guaranteed to end in victory but if Hyunjin trusted him _this_ much, who was he to refuse? “Let’s show them.”

 

Hyunjin visibly sagged in relief. He leaned forward and kissed Seungmin on the cheek. “Thank you,” he said, his voice scratchy from emotion. “Thank you so much.”

 

Seungmin pulled away. “Alright. We’re late. But let’s get to class before we’re _late_ late.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

In the break between first and second period, Seungmin and Jisung made a trip to the student store downstairs. Seungmin was craving a Butterfinger and some strawberry milk. “Where were you during class, dude,” Jisung asked. He ran a hand through his hair. He needed to get it cut.

 

“I was just hanging out with Hyunjin.”

 

“Again?” Jisung asked with slightly more bitterness than he probably intended. “Please don’t turn into one of those people who forgets their friends when they start dating.”

 

“I won’t,” Seungmin reassured him. “I’d never.”

 

Jisung sighed in relief. “I got a new movie yesterday. We should so totally watch it this afternoon.”

 

“Alright, let’s--” Seungmin stopped himself.

 

It was as if Jisung knew. “Let me guess. You’re hanging out with Hyunjin?”

 

Seungmin’s silence was answer enough.

 

To his credit, Jisung didn’t make as big a deal out of it as he probably wanted to. He smoothly changed the subject, “I made it to the Top 25 list on the PvP ladder of that mobile game.”

 

Seungmin whistled at the magnitude of such an accomplishment. “Top 25 already? Fuck, dude. You’ve had that game for what? A month? You must not sleep.”

 

“Not a wink. How can I when I’m _this_ goddamn close to being the literal actual best in the fucking country?”

 

In the store, they went their separate ways. Jisung to the candy aisle. Seungmin to the refrigerated section. “Dude, you have to sleep.”

 

Jisung said, “I do when I run out of PvP tokens and then I set my alarm clock and only sleep long enough for the tokens to recharge so I can keep climbing.”

 

“Now, if only you studied in such a dramatic and borderline unhealthy way.”

 

Jisung snorted. “First, we spend our childhood studying our asses off. And then we spend our adulthood having to work our asses off. I won’t get a chance to have fun and dick around until I retire, dude. Let me live.”

 

“Anyways!” Seungmin swung open one of the fridges and grabbed a strawberry milk from the top shelf. “I wish I had the patience for those kinds of games. All that grinding and leveling up and summon farming for SSRs… Ugh.”

 

“Get me a chocolate, will ya?” Jisung asked from the candy aisle. “And all of that is the fun part, dude. That’s why the game is so good.”

 

Seungmin grabbed a chocolate milk from the next shelf down and then followed Jisung into the candy aisle where his friend was standing with his arms folded, leaning down and obviously debating which flavor of M&Ms to grab. He walked up behind his friend. “Almond.”

 

The debate settled, Jisung grabbed the light brown bag and they walked up to the counter to pay. “What if I make it to Top 10,” Jisung wondered aloud. “Dude, what if I actually fucking make it to number one?”

 

“Of course you will. You’re super good.”

 

“Maybe. I don’t know. Now I’m scared. I’ll mess up now that I’ve said all that. I’ll drop down to the Top 50. Bitch, I’ll be screwed!”

 

“Jisung. You’ll be great. You’re a mastermind at these games.”

 

“Thanks, best friend.”

 

The boys fidgeted as they waited in line. Quite a few students were using their quick break to stock up on snacks and, bit by bit, they stepped closer and closer to the counter for their turn.

 

“Boo!” Someone whispered directly into Seungmin’s ear.

 

Seungmin jolted upright and whirled around.

 

Minho stood behind him, laughing his ass off.

 

“Come on, man,” Seungmin whined. “Why would you do that? What if I had shit myself?”

 

Minho wiped a tear from his eye. “Your _face_ , dude. Priceless. I should have been recording.”

 

“Ugh,” Seungmin groaned but he fought off the adrenaline from the jump scare and shot Minho a bright smile. “What’s up? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

 

“You’re telling me.” Minho propped his hands up on his hips. “Didn’t you say we were going to hang out Sunday?”

 

“Shit,” Seungmin gasped. He vaguely remembered making such a promise last week on the boardwalk.

 

“Ahhh, _now_ you remember,” Minho needled him. He put a hand to his forehead and dramatically swooned. “Do you know how long I sat waiting by my phone for your call, darling?”

 

Seungmin turned away from him, rolling his eyes. It was almost his and Jisung’s turn in line and they had mere minutes to get back to class before second period started.

 

“Darling,” Minho continued, his voice getting a little pitchy, “I agonized all day yesterday. I wondered if I should text, if I should call but then I thought, no, if my husband truly loves me--”

 

“Minho, please,” Seungmin said, not even turning around. Now he knew why Felix and Changbin didn’t bat an eyelash when Minho got like this. There just came a point where you realized that he would eventually stop talking if you didn’t respond and let him do as he pleased for a bit.

 

“You do love me, right, darling?” Minho came up behind Seungmin, grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him. “You haven’t forgotten me, have you? Think of our ten children! I’ll do anything if you just come back to me.”

 

Seungmin turned his attention to Jisung. “That new manga I’ve had my eye on for a while hits shelves on Wednesday. I haven’t started a brand new one in ages. We have to go after class to buy it.”

 

Jisung looked over at him. “Does this one have explosions, at least?”

 

“Yeah,” Seungmin admitted. “And a robot with a sword for an arm.”

 

“Sounds like a masterpiece already. Are there tits? Preferably really big ones?”

 

“I don’t think there are tits, Jisung.”

 

“A shame.”

 

A sharp pain shot up Seungmin’s neck and went straight to the base of his brain. “Ouch!” He hissed and jerked away from the pain. Or tried to. Minho still kept a tight grip on his shoulders. “Minho. What the fuck?” The pain increased, getting sharper and sharper.

 

“Umm,” Jisung hummed, trying to step away like he didn’t know either of them.

 

Seungmin tried to swat at Minho’s hand but all that did was make the pain increase even more. He slapped at Minho’s head, lightly at first and then harder until the boy released him. Seungmin saw a flash of white before Minho stepped back, cackling like a witch. Seungmin stared at the older boy in total disbelief. “Oh my… fucking shit. Of all things, did you just _bite_ me? On the neck? Are you a vampire?”

 

Minho pouted. “That’ll teach you to ignore me.”

 

“Dude,” Seungmin whined. He furrowed his eyebrows. “That hurt.”

 

“You shouldn’t have stood me up yesterday,” Minho stated. “I had gotten dressed and everything. I sat there all day like, surely, he’ll call. Surely, he’ll text. Maybe he’s running late.”

 

Seungmin did feel a little bad. He had promised to hang out but the weekend had gotten so hectic that it had slipped his mind. He doubted that they’d even come up with a place and time so he was shocked Minho had taken it so seriously. “Ow!” Seungmin grunted as a secondary wave of pain throbbed across his neck. Minho must have _really_ gotten his teeth in there. Seungmin raised his hand to his neck, trying to decide if he was paranoid or if he could actually feel grooves in his skin where Minho’s teeth had fit. “Fine, we’ll hang out. For realsies.” He almost suggested that afternoon but then recalled that he had promised Hyunjin his time. “Tomorrow?”

 

Minho shrugged and gazed off into the distance. “I’ll have to see.”

 

“You’ll have to see,” Seungmin repeated lamely. “You just tore flesh out of my neck with your teeth but you have to _see_?”

 

It was his and Jisung’s turn at the register, if the cashier’s annoyed throat clearing was any indication. Without interrupting their conversation, Jisung pried the two cartons of flavored milk out of Seungmin’s hands so that he could hand them to the third-year at the register.

 

“Yeah, I’ll have to see,” Minho said, “I gotta clear up my schedule and move some appointments around. As busy as I am, and all.”

 

He was being facetious. Clearly. “I’m sorry, okay,” Seungmin whine. “I forgot. I’m sorry! I’ll make it up to you.”

 

Minho kept pouting but, slowly, he let a soft smile spread across his face. “I’ll hold you to it!” And with that, he dashed out of the student store so that he could race upstairs for class. Jisung and Seungmin weren’t too far behind.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“Did you hear?”

 

It was the voice of the girl who sat by the windows.

 

 _Did you hear_ was almost always how shit started getting stirred. Seungmin usually didn’t care about what his classmates were talking about in class. The rumors were never about anyone that he knew of or cared about.

 

“Hear what?" This was the girl who sat in front of her.

 

“Hyunjin beat up Jaemin.”

 

They were whispering, really, and they were way on the other side of the room but Seungmin had been paying just enough attention to hear those two precious syllables.

 

“Hyunjin?” The girl turned in her seat to stare at the boy who sat behind Seungmin.

 

“Yeah,” the first girl whispered. “Apparently, Jaemin broke something of his so he beat his ass.”

 

“Jaemin? The tiny little first-year? He doesn’t do anything but sit in the library all of the time. Why would Hyunjin beat him up?”

 

Seungmin closed his manga and sat it down on his desk. He looked across the room in the direction of the girls. They must have forgotten they were in the middle of class with all of the noise they were starting to make.

 

“I’m telling you,” the first girl said, “Hyunjin beat him up. My friend just texted me.”

 

“When did it happen?”

 

“During first period. That’s why he came to class late.”

 

This made Seungmin sit up straight. First period? Hyunjin and Seungmin had been up on the roof together then. They even walked back to class together. There was no way in hell Hyunjin had beat someone up!

 

This didn’t stop the gossipers, though. “Hey, did you hear?”

 

More and more of their classmates were starting to talk about it. It was like a big ocean wave building and building before it spilled over and crashed against the shore. The whispering went up from one end of the room to the other.

 

“Class, settle down,” the teacher said in an almost bored tone before sliding right back into her lecture.

 

“Did you hear?” A classmate whispered.

 

“Yeah. Someone just sent me a picture.”

 

“Did this just happen?”

 

“No. It was during first period, dumbass.”

 

“Who did it?”

 

“Hyunjin.”

 

Someone pointed. About six heads whirled around. Seungmin trembled. For a moment, he thought they were all looking at him with their noses turned up in contempt and disgust but then he realized that they were staring right through him and looking at the shaggy-haired boy who sat behind him. “Hey,” Seungmin attempted, but his voice came out all scratchy. He cleared his throat. “That’s not true.”

 

No one believed him.

 

Someone near the front of the class scoffed. “Hyunjin _would_ do something like that, wouldn’t he?”

 

“Only someone like that would beat the snot out of an innocent kid.”

 

Someone else said, “Well, he’s always getting into fights.”

 

“I’d believe anything you say about him.”

 

“He eats cats.”

 

“I believe you.”

 

A wild round of giggles. Now the whole class was getting involved.

 

Seungmin turned his head to look two rows behind him.

 

There was no way Hyunjin didn’t hear their voices. There was no way. So why was he just sitting there all calm and collected? Why wasn’t he saying anything to defend himself? Hyunjin must have sensed Seungmin’s eyes on him because he looked up. Their eye contact was brief but sweet. Hyunjin gave the faintest shake of his head and then went back to scribbling class notes on the sheet of paper in front of him. Seungmin sighed and faced forward again.

 

The whispering continued, gradually getting louder until it was impossible to ignore.

 

Their teacher tapped the podium at the front of the class with her pen. With a bit more authority this time, she said, “Class, can we turn back around in our seats and get back to the exam review?”

 

Slowly, the volume of the muttering decreased and, when silence had settled back over the room, the teacher resumed her lesson.

 

Seungmin wasn’t all too keen on paying attention in class on a good day. Today, he couldn’t be bothered to at all. The lecture continued but he didn’t hear a single word the teacher spoke. He wasn’t even sure what topics they were even covering. He sat there a mess, his hands clenching and unclenching in his lap even though he wasn’t even the subject of the gossip. As the minutes ticked by, the whispering started up again. Slowly at first. Hardly discernible over the scratching noise of pencil on paper but, then, louder and more incessant. Up and down the aisles, his classmates were whispering to each other. He heard Hyunjin’s name pass their lips on several occasions.

 

“I heard he knocked the guy’s tooth out.”

 

“Really? I thought Hyunjin broke the dude’s pinky finger.”

 

“That’s what my friend said. He saw the whole thing.”

 

“When did you say that was?”

 

“During first period. That’s why Hyunjin wasn’t here.”

 

“Ohhh.”

 

“Class,” the teacher said sternly. She was clearly getting frazzled. It usually never took this long to get the students back under control.

 

Hyunjin getting into a fight wasn’t entirely new. It was because he had beat up Jaemin that had everyone buzzing. Jaemin was nice and polite and cute. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. He wouldn’t get on anyone’s nerves. Of all people, he didn’t deserve to get attacked, so Seungmin’s classmates insisted.

 

The teacher was losing her patience. “Be quiet. We are going over the material for your final exam. If you don’t pay attention, you may fail.”

 

The academic threat wasn’t enough. No one got quiet.

 

Everyone was outraged. A fight between two capable people was fine and dandy but a one-sided beatdown? Incomprehensible!

 

Jisung turned around in his seat and looked at Seungmin with raised eyebrows. Seungmin shook his head. The rumors weren’t true. Hyunjin didn’t get into another fight. He didn’t bully anyone. He and Hyunjin had spent the morning together. They hadn’t left each other’s sides until the break after first period. Even if Hyunjin were superhuman, he wouldn’t have had time to go beat up some poor first-year. Seungmin must have relayed this message through his facial expression because Jisung nodded slowly in understanding, let out a relieved sigh and then turned back around to resume his note-taking. Or attempt to.

  


This was getting out of hand. Of course, this wasn’t the first time Seungmin had heard the room buzz with rumors of another fight and, without a doubt, Hyunjin had been the primary suspect in such cases multiple times but this was the first instance in which Seungmin was absolutely positive that the rumors weren’t true. This was the first time he wasn’t joining in on the gossiping his damn self because, for once, he knew better.

 

“Oh man, someone should have recorded it. I love watching fights.”

 

“Are you serious? That wasn’t a fight. He just went off on the dude.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“No one recorded it but a friend of mine asked a friend of hers because he has a friend who is in the same class as the guy who got beat up. Apparently, his whole face is bloody and swollen.”

 

“Dude, that’s insane.”

 

“I just got sent the photo. Look. Look!”

 

“Ewww. I don’t want to see that.”

 

“His whole fucking mouth is bloodied up.”

 

“Class,” this was the teacher cutting in. “Behave yourselves. Please.” She raised her voice to a shrill, impatient wail. “Be quiet. Stop it!”

 

Her plea fell on deaf ears. The class continued to gossip and chat. A few people even hopped out of their chairs and ducked across aisles to whisper to their friends. On several occasions, people spun around to stare at the chair two rows behind Seungmin, a sick mixture of fright and delight on their faces.

 

Seungmin couldn’t help but overhear more of their words:

 

“I can kinda understand him beating the shit out of those other dudes. Taeyong deserves it. Younghoon deserves it. But Jaemin? That kid doesn’t do anything to anybody.”

 

“Right? Pick on someone your own size.”

 

“Why beat up someone who can’t fight back? Isn’t Jaemin in a wheelchair?”

 

“No. That’s Junyoung. Jaemin’s the one whose elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.”

 

“Ugh. What kind of sick fuck do you have to be to beat him up?”

 

“I wonder how long it’ll be before Hyunjin gets called to the office this time.”

 

“Why don’t they expel him? He’s always causing trouble.”

 

“Don’t you know who his family is? The school will never cut him loose.”

 

“Didn’t he already get expelled from a school? Like a year or so ago?”

 

“That’s what I heard.”

 

Seungmin turned around in his chair. It pained him to watch Hyunjin just sit there practically twiddling his thumbs while the whole class talked shit about him so openly. So bravely. It’s like they knew he wouldn’t do or say anything right there in class. Or, rather, it’s like they figured that if they all were saying it, if they were all talking about it, they would be fine because he couldn’t punch everyone. Seungmin wanted to call out to the boy, he wanted to reach across the great distance that separated their desks, but fear kept him pinned to his chair. Once again, Hyunjin looked up at him. His face was calm and he gave Seungmin a lopsided smile as if he still weren’t aware of the entire class turning against him.

 

 _Do something_ , he mouthed.

 

Maybe Hyunjin understood. Maybe he didn’t. He looked back down at his notes without moving another inch.

 

Seungmin groaned and turned back around. “He didn’t do it,” he added his own voice to the dissonance. It seemed to be swallowed instantly. No one heard him. No one except Jisung, who simply turned around in his chair and gave the top of Seungmin’s hand a gentle pat. Seungmin couldn’t help himself, “Stop making up lies. He didn’t do that. He would never.” One or two people glanced in his direction but his voice changed no one’s minds. Seungmin’s heart was pounding in his chest. He wanted to yell and scream and knock his desk over and punch someone. All of the things Hyunjin should do but wasn’t doing. All of the things Hyunjin _used_ to do when anyone said his name wrong.

 

How could Hyunjin be so calm when he was being falsely accused like this?

 

More of his classmate’s voices filtered through the noise in his head.

 

“Has he ever hit you?”

 

“No. I run away every time I see him.”

 

“I should start doing that, too. Maybe I should carry pepper spray.”

 

“Me too. Yikes.”

 

“Ugh. People like him make our class look bad.”

 

“Right? He should be in 2-B with Taeyong and the rest of those monsters.”

 

That was it. That was _it_! Angrily, Seungmin slammed his hands on his desk and stood up so fast that his chair fell over. “Shut up,” he screamed with every ounce of anger he had in him. The thunderous sound made everyone in the room go quiet and whirl in his direction. Now that he had everyone’s attention, his courage began to fail him. His anger waned. “That’s not true,” he squeaked out. “None of what you guys are saying is true. Hyunjin didn’t beat up anyone.”

 

“Today,” someone jokingly added.

 

Laughter danced around the room.

 

“He’s not that kind of person,” Seungmin said.

 

The blank stares and frowning faces looking up at Seungmin made it absolutely clear that not a single soul in the room bought what he was saying.

 

He was fighting a losing battle. Hyunjin had developed such a dark, sadistic reputation not just with words but with actions. He really did get in fights. He really did steal people’s lunch money and was part of Chan’s gang. Just because he smiled softly at Seungmin didn’t mean that his murky past went away. All of Hyunjin’s sharp edges would remain regardless of the vulnerability he only seemed to show Seungmin.

 

“He didn’t beat up that kid,” Seungmin tried one more time.

 

He was losing their interest. They were turning away from him, going back to their gossiping, huddling over their phones and showing off pictures of that Jaemin kid.

 

Why did no one believe him? What hurt even worse was that it was the truth. Seungmin bit his bottom lip. He shouted, “Hyunjin wasn’t in class during first period because he was with me.”

 

A brief silence. Eyes flicked back in his direction as he regained their attention. Then a sharp gasp. One of the girls who sat in the next row over pointed at Seungmin’s neck. “Is that a hickey?”

 

More gasps. More pointing. In a suggestive tone, someone said, “Oh, so he was _with_ you?”

 

The room filled with murmurs and giggles and whistles.

 

Seungmin’s eyes darted across the room to Felix. He didn’t know why but he just needed to look at the boy. The redhead had turned around in his seat, his mouth hanging open in a surprised ‘o.’

 

“Class,” the teacher said, trying to maintain order. She failed.

 

Someone near the back of the class gasped, “Hyunjin and Seungmin did the dirty?”

 

Chaos erupted. Noise exploded outward in all directions. Words came from everywhere.

 

“Seungmin? _That_ nerd? Of all people?”

 

“I never would have guessed.”

 

Being thrown so suddenly into the spotlight, especially under such explicit implications, made Seungmin’s whole face turn red. His obvious humiliation only added fuel to the gossiping fire.

 

“Seungmin can do so much better though.”

 

“We should set him up with Kevin from drama club.”

 

“He’s totally single!”

 

“Ugh. That’s kind of gross, though. Don’t you think?”

 

“I thought Seungmin was with Jisung. Aren’t they always up each other’s assholes?”

 

“In more ways than one.”

 

“God, you at least could have covered up the hickey, man. That’s so tacky.”

 

The volume of their voices only continued to increase.

 

“Class,” the teacher’s shout couldn’t even be heard over the racket.

 

Someone said, “Isn’t Seungmin nice? Why would he fool around with an asshole like Hyunjin?”

 

“Should we be afraid of Seungmin, too?”

 

“Yeah. He’ll sic his attack dog on us.”

 

Seungmin couldn’t feel his hands. He couldn’t breathe. He lowered his gaze to Jisung, who had turned around in his chair to look up at him, his face soft with empathy.

 

“Should we get out of here,” Jisung offered.

 

This was Minho’s fault! Why was that dude always fooling around and playing games? Seungmin raised a hand to the place on his neck where Minho bit him to hide the splotchy mark on his skin but it was far far far too late for that. “Yeah, let’s go,” he muttered back.

 

Jisung started to pack his things.

 

Hyunjin stood up, making his chair scrape over the classroom tiles. The tall boy stepped forward. “Seungmin,” he said, grabbing the boy by the wrist and pulling him down the aisle. “Let’s go. Now.”

 

At such a display, their classmates began whistling and cat-calling, shouting out scandalized choruses of ‘Ooooh.’ Someone added an ‘Ahh, get it, get it!’ to the mix. Someone else cried out ‘Use protection!’ which made the rest of the class laugh and jeer. Seungmin’s whole body went hot. The speed at which the situation had spiraled out of his control was dizzying.

 

The two of them reached the classroom door. Hyunjin slid it open.

 

“Hwang Hyunjin. Kim Seungmin,” their second period teacher called out their names. And then, more forcefully, “Class. Settle down. This is highly inappropriate behavior.” She looked back up at them. “Boys!”

 

Hyunjin led Seungmin out into the hall and slammed the door shut behind them. Even outside, they could still hear the ruckus their classmates were keeping up. In all honesty, Seungmin was just glad that he had gotten out of there. The two of them went down the hall quickly, Hyunjin pulling so hard that Seungmin stumbled once. Twice. Each time he lost his balance, Hyunjin used his strength to haul him back upright, not even grunting from the effort. They turned the corner and, finally, came to a stop. Seungmin found himself able to breathe. Panic emptied out of him. Gratitude filled him. Anything would have been better than staying in class with all of those wide eyes and pointed fingers aimed in his direction.

 

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin started, “thanks for--”

 

Hyunjin slammed him up against the row of lockers behind him, shocking the rest of Seungmin’s sentence out of his system like an old CD player skipping.

 

The echo of his body against the metal doors echoed in the quiet of the hall and rang in Seungmin’s ears. A tiny, meek “ow” slipped past his lips, more out of surprise than anything. Seungmin wasn’t even sure what had just happened. He was only aware of a mild pain in his shoulder until his brain fit the pieces of the last five seconds together. Every muscle in his body went rigid. He stared up at Hyunjin with a brand new fear. “Hey, why did you--” He couldn’t even get the rest of the words out.

 

Hyunjin’s expression was terrifying. His ice cold eyes were like pits. Black holes. Just like two weeks ago, when Seungmin stared into them, he felt like he was falling from the roof of a tall building, hurtling towards the ground before going _splat_ on the pavement below. When Hyunjin lowered his eyes, it was a relief. The boy stared hard at the dark spot on the side of Seungmin’s neck. He barely moved his lips when he growled out, “Did Felix do that to you?”

 

It took a long moment for Seungmin to even wrap his head around the question. The hickey. Did Felix leave the hickey. “That’s not the problem here. Didn’t you listen to what they were saying? They’re accusing you of beating up some kid!”

 

Hyunjin ran his hand down over his red, angry face. “I asked you a question.”

 

Seungmin gulped. It felt like he had swallowed fire.

 

“Did Felix do that to you?”

 

“No,” Seungmin answered.

 

Hyunjin was like an angry dog yanking at the end of its leash. He let out a shout and kicked the locker door a mere inch from Seungmin’s leg.

 

The loud sound was paralyzing. Seungmin trembled in its wake.

 

“Don’t lie to me, Seungmin.” Hyunjin’s voice dropped low. He reached up a hand and touched Seungmin’s neck as light as a snowflake. His face twisted up not in anger but in sadness. Total, unfathomable despair. He dropped his hand and repeated a third time, “Did Felix do that to you?”

 

Seungmin could only stand there. His body was numb. His brain was filled with white noise, his thoughts nothing but static. Somehow, he managed to squeak out, “I’m not lying. Felix didn’t touch me. Minho and I were playing around. I didn’t even know the mark looked that bad.” It was the truth! And he would have said more if his tongue hadn’t failed him and his mouth didn't feel full of cotton.

 

Hyunjin reached a hand towards Seungmin’s face.

 

Without meaning to, Seungmin flinched and turned away.

 

Hyunjin’s hand stilled in the air a breath away from Seungmin’s cheek. He looked broken. Ashamed. He dropped his hand to his side and stepped backward, finally giving Seungmin space.

 

Seungmin was able to loosen up his tongue and speak again. “Felix didn’t do it.”

 

Hyunjin responded by punching the locker near Seungmin’s shoulder, leaving a sizable dent in it. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?”

 

Seconds passed.

 

As each one ticked by, it became more and more clear to Seungmin that Hyunjin didn’t believe him. That hurt the most. To tell the truth and still be thought of as a liar. What had Seungmin done so wrong? Not even ten minutes ago, he had stuck his neck out for Hyunjin in class! He’d humiliated himself and caused an uproar trying to defend Hyunjin but the boy didn’t even believe him about Felix?

 

Seungmin let out a shaky sigh and glanced up at the dent in the locker near his head but he couldn’t look at it for long. It scared him. He dropped his gaze back to Hyunjin, who stared at the floor.

 

No amount of failed recipes had prepared Seungmin for this. No amount of surprise twists in a manga’s plot had made him ready for the moment that had just happened, for the fright in his veins that still had his arms covered in goosebumps.

 

After almost too long, Hyunjin met his eye. His face was blank. A pure mask with no emotion. Or, maybe, every single emotion. Wordlessly, Hyunjin turned away and stomped off down the hall, letting loose a wordless scream before he disappeared down into the stairwell.

 

Seungmin’s legs turned to jelly. He collapsed to the floor and did not move for quite some time.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

At the tail end of second period, right before lunch, Seungmin decided to do his own investigation into the rumors.

 

The most obvious place to start was the nurse’s office.

 

Mr. Ok sat at his desk, filling out a form with his horrible, slanted handwriting. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t even hear Seungmin shut the door behind him or clear his throat. Or clear his throat the second time. “Mr. Ok,” Seungmin attempted, standing right behind the nurse’s swivel chair.

 

The older man startled and spun around. He didn’t let out a breath until he recognized Seungmin hovering over him. “What illness did you come down with now,” he asked, looking Seungmin up and down.

 

“I’m not here as a patient. For once,” Seungmin clarified. “I’m actually here to see someone else.”

 

Mr. Ok’s eyes darted to his right, in the direction of one of the beds.

 

That was all the permission Seungmin needed. He crossed the tile floor of the nurse’s office and slid back the white curtain that hid one of the beds from view.

 

Sitting up on the bed was a tall but scrawny boy, his face dotted with pubescent acne and his hair stringy and in need of a good washing. If ‘Na Jaemin’ wasn’t engraved into the name tag pinned above the pocket of his uniform shirt, if the boy’s face wasn’t bruised and pink and swollen, Seungmin wouldn’t have believed the rumors. Someone had clearly beat the boy but he also knew deep down, way way way down, that Hyunjin was not the one who did it. There was no way. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t do something like this. Right?

 

“What happened to you,” Seungmin asked, his voice shaky with sympathy.

 

Jaemin didn’t respond. He was conscious, leaning back against the headboard, but he was clearly going out of his way not to speak. He didn’t even look in Seungmin’s direction, aiming his dark eyes everywhere except at the boy’s face.

 

“Tell me what happened,” Seungmin asked with more power in his voice. The sooner he got to the bottom of this, the faster he could clear Hyunjin’s name.

 

Mr. Ok stepped up to the bed next to him. He put his big hand on Seungmin’s shoulder and pulled the boy backwards a few steps. “He claims he fell down the stairs but even a blind man can see that’s not what happened. Look.” He jerked his head towards the boy.

 

Seungmin turned to see.

 

The nurse went on. “Ignoring the fact that a tumble down the stairs doesn’t result in those types of injuries, even if he did fall down them, would only his face be hurt? Not his hands or elbows or knees or anything else that would make contact with the stairs?”

 

Seungmin sucked in a breath. “There’s rumors going around that he got mercilessly beaten.” It was his first time really saying it aloud, despite how often he had heard it. The words tasted awful in his mouth and he wondered if the hollowed-out feeling in his throat was a sob threatening to cut free from his mouth. “Everyone’s talking about the bullying as casually as if it were a football game on TV.”

 

The school nurse sighed wearily, looking over at Jaemin with a deep frown etched into his features. “Mercilessly is right. I gave him ibuprofen but he’s probably still in a lot of pain. I’m still waiting on permission from the school to send him over to the hospital.”

 

“Jesus.” Seungmin slowly approached the bed. Hyunjin wouldn’t do this. Hyunjin wouldn’t go this far. He’d never! Seungmin shifted so that he could sit on the bed next to Jaemin. He tried a third time, “Who did this to you?”

 

“I fell down the stairs,” Jaemin said numbly.

 

Seungmin asked, “Did the steps come alive and flatten your face like that? Who did this to you?”

 

When Jaemin didn’t answer, Mr. Ok filled in. “He came into the office about twenty minutes into first period. He was panicking, could barely form complete sentences, couldn’t stop crying. He almost dropped a name but I pressed too hard. He clammed up and started insisting that he fell.”

 

Seungmin had to admit that the boy’s face was pretty banged up. His lips were cracked and swollen. His cheeks and neck, though covered in bandages and gauze, were clearly fat and bruised from quite the beating.

 

“Due to the severity of the injuries,” Mr. Ok said, “I had to contact his parents. I don’t know if they’ve gotten here yet but they said they would go to the dean and raise hell. Seungmin, you don’t know this kid at all, do you? Why are you in here?”

 

The sudden question caught Seungmin off-guard. He didn’t know this kid and his reason for coming here was actually quite selfish. But… Seungmin raised a hand to his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “There’s rumors going around that one of my friends did this but I know that’s not true. He’s not even denying it but I know it’s not true.”

 

“Seungmin, sometimes people don’t always show their true colors to us right away.”

 

“He didn’t do it!” Seungmin yelled, far louder than he meant to.

 

Jaemin flinched. Even Mr. Ok stiffened.

 

The bell for first lunch to start would ring in less than five minutes. Seungmin didn’t have the time to waste. “Sorry,” Seungmin said, his voice little more than a squeak. “But I know my friend is innocent.”

 

Mr. Ok seemed to understand the rest of the story without needing to have it explained. “Jaemin hasn’t said a word to me in a while. Maybe he’ll talk to you.” With that, Mr. Ok pulled the curtain closed to give them a bit more privacy and then returned across the room to his desk.

 

Seungmin wasted no time. He leaned close to Jaemin’s face. “Tell me who did this to you right now.”

 

Jaemin turned to look at him. His eyes were glassy and red. “Hyunjin did it.” He sounded so sure.

 

“No,” Seungmin snapped. “He didn’t.”

 

Jaemin looked away again, biting his bottom lip and curling his fists into the blanket. He was afraid. Vulnerable. Probably still reliving the nightmare.

 

Anger had no place here. Seungmin had to try a different approach or he would never figure things out. He took a deep breath in and out and calmed himself. “Do you know who Hyunjin is?”

 

Jaemin shook his head. Then he stopped suddenly as if he hadn’t meant to.

 

Seungmin fumed. “Then how do you know he was the one who did this to you?”

 

Jaemin shifted on the bed, turning even farther away.

 

Seungmin gritted his teeth. He had to stay calm. He had to keep his tone smooth. But he was just so angry! He couldn’t sit still! He was using all of his self-restraint not to physically shake the answers out of the dude. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He went into his photo album and pulled out a photo of Minho. “Do you know who this is?”

 

The boy slowly turned around to look at the screen. He stared for a second and then shook his head.

 

Seungmin knew what he was doing. He flipped through a few more pictures and found a pic of Jisung. “Do you know who this is?”

 

Once again, the boy stared hard at the pic and then shook his head no.

 

Seungmin found a pic of Hyunjin, one of the few he had saved on his phone, then he held it out to Jaemin.

 

The boy hesitated. For so long that Seungmin thought his heart might break with the truth that Hyunjin had actually done something so heinous, but then-- “I don’t know who that is,” Jaemin muttered. His voice sounded like he had swallowed a handful of gravel.

 

This last part was tricky. Seungmin had to get on Instagram and go digging through profiles for this. Through Mina’s followers he found Lucas, through Lucas he found Hyunjae and, finally, through Hyunjae he found Taeyong. He tapped on one of Taeyong’s more recent photos and held it out to Jaemin. “Do you know--”

 

The question was barely out of his mouth before Jaemin shrieked and flinched away, holding a hand in front of his face as if to block a blow. “I swear I’ll tell them Hyunjin did it,” he cried out.

 

Seungmin stood up and shoved his phone in his pocket. He swatted the curtain aside and strode towards the door.

 

Mr. Ok heard his footsteps on the tile. “Did you find out what happened,” he asked, spinning around on his chair.

 

Seungmin didn’t answer him.

 

“Kim Seungmin,” Mr. Ok said, leaping to his feet. He must have recognized the look on the boy’s face. “Whatever you think you want to do, you’ll regret it.”

 

“No I won’t,” Seungmin announced, and then he was out the door.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Even though they were standing right next to each other, an entire universe could stretch out in the space between them. “Hyunjin,” Seungmin said weakly. “Please talk to me.”

 

Hyunjin said nothing. He was leaning against the wall in the hallway leading up to the cafeteria doors. Around them, their classmates were chatting and laughing and horseplaying on their way to lunch. Every now and then, someone spotted Hyunjin’s scowling face and their happiness was snuffed out until they had gotten farther down the hall.

 

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin said again, “I know you heard me earlier. Taeyong’s the one who set you up.”

 

Hyunjin folded his arms across his chest and continued chewing on his gum and staring past Seungmin as if the boy wasn’t standing right in front of him.

 

Oddly, Seungmin had expected that he’d be the one to pull away first so it surprised him that, between the two of them, it was Hyunjin being icy and standoffish. Uncaring and mean. More like the Hyunjin he presented to others. More like the Hyunjin he was like before Seungmin had accidentally given him that letter. It felt odd, Seungmin realized, to reach out and watch Hyunjin physically pull away when the boy had spent all of this time pushing forward. Getting close.

 

“Hyunjin, we have to do something. We can’t let him frame you for this.”

 

“Didn’t I beg you,” Hyunjin asked, “not to defend me?”

 

Seungmin inhaled sharply. Hyunjin wasn’t ignoring him anymore. That wasn’t at all what he wanted to hear but he’d take anything. Any string of words were okay.

 

Hyunjin said, “Don’t ever do it again. Let them talk their shit. I'm used to it.”

 

“No. This is beyond talking shit. This is assault. If you don’t say anything, you’ll take the fall and it could get really bad.”

 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes like he didn’t care. He blew a bubble with his gum and sucked it back into his mouth, still staring at a point slightly to the left of Seungmin’s head.

 

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin insisted. “Look at me.”

 

Hyunjin didn’t.

 

“Please.”

 

Hyunjin continued to refuse.

 

Seungmin should be running away. He should be thankful for this space between them. If he stood too still, if he let his thoughts get too quiet, the first thing that came to him was the _bang_ of the locker door as Hyunjin’s fist flew past his head. Seungmin should have turned his back and allowed this quicksand to suck Hyunjin down down down but he couldn’t leave the boy like that. Not without a fight. “Hyunjin, I’m trying everything here. Please talk to me.”

 

“Look. About tonight,” Hyunjin said. “It’s cancelled.”

 

“What… What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

 

There was a moment where it seemed like Hyunjin let his mask drop. His face softened the slightest bit and he opened his mouth as if to speak, but--

 

“Lover’s quarrel?” A grimy, icky voice shot through the air like a bullet.

 

Seungmin turned towards the source. It was Taeyong. Of course it was. He was a short distance up the hall, leaning with his shoulder against the wall as if he’d been watching for quite some time. Seungmin didn’t even bother stopping the “Shut the fuck up” that jumped out of his mouth.

 

Taeyong’s eyes went wide and he put a hand to his chest in mock-surprise. “Growing some balls, are we?”

 

“Do you even have any?” Seungmin shot back. “After what you did?”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Taeyong, knowing exactly what Seungmin was talking about.

 

“You should be ashamed of yourself. You did all of that and for what? Spent all day convincing people it was Hyunjin and for what?”

 

Taeyong stuck his tongue in his cheek. “I told the kid not to snitch but he snitched.”

 

Quickly, Seungmin said, “He didn’t tell me anything. I just figured out your stupid ass plan, motherfucker.”

 

“Motherfucker?” Taeyong repeated, blinking rapidly as if he’d never heard the phrase before. “My my. Someone’s angry. And…” He mimicked Seungmin’s choice of words, “...for what? Because I exposed Hyunjin for what he really is?”

 

“Hyunjin didn’t do that. He was with me while you were--” He dropped his voice so no one would overhear, “--beating up that kid.”

 

“Oh-ho,” Taeyong sang out. He pushed himself off of the wall with a shameless grin on his face. “So you two _are_ fucking? No wonder you’re starting to act like each other.”

 

They were drawing a crowd. Students who had been walking towards the cafeteria were now lingering in the halls, watching the stand-off. People who were already in the cafeteria were starting to trickle back out, curious. Seungmin must have leveled up. He must have gained some brand new ability or unlocked a powerful skill because he stepped towards Taeyong without an ounce of fear. “Shut the fuck up.”

 

Shocked gasps sparked through the crowd.

 

Taeyong uncrossed his arms and held them out wide. “Is that all you can say?” He was aware that he was in front of an audience now. He raised his voice as if to be heard. “Hyunjin beat up Jaemin. Isn’t that sick? Why are you defending him?”

 

Murmurs and whispers bubbled up from the people who were watching.

 

No. Seungmin hadn’t leveled up. He’d transformed. Even the hallway around him was beginning to shift, dissolving into a brand new scene in his head. A glass floor. A blindingly colorful cosmos stretching infinitely above. Taeyong had changed into a dark-eyed, evil star prince. Around him was his army of watchers.

 

“I’m not defending him,” Seungmin corrected, “I’m righting a wrong.”

 

The star prince laughed. Black, evil energy zipped up and down his arms and across his fingers. He was the mastermind. The army of watchers hung on his every word. They would believe anything he said. “What did _I_ do?” Taeyong wailed dramatically. He took a step forward, getting dangerously close. “All I did was tell someone what Hyunjin did this morning.” He pointed off to Seungmin’s left as if anyone standing in that hallway needed to know who Hyunjin was.

 

Seungmin glanced over his shoulder long enough to look at Hyunjin. The boy was still standing there, effortlessly cool. As if none of this was happening. It was just like that morning when the class had morphed into a mob and he’d refused to even acknowledge the mess. Hyunjin’s nonchalance angered Seungmin. How could Hyunjin be so passive about this? Was he purposely holding back for Seungmin’s sake or had something else happened to still his fists? Seungmin turned back to Taeyong. He muttered, only loud enough for the short-haired boy to hear, “You’re a coward.” Then, louder, “You’re a loser.” Then, shouting, “You’re a fuckhead!”

 

The star prince’s eye twitched. His grin faltered. The anger before was cosmetic. Surface-level. Part of the show he was putting on. Now the anger on display was real. It emanated off of him like black fire and its heat chilled Seungmin to the bone. The star prince furrowed his eyebrows and lowered his hands to his sides. “Getting bold because your knight in shining armor will protect you, right?”

 

Seungmin was not himself. Through the power of lightning and storms, he had transformed into the god of thunder. Not someone weak and frail like Thor. Not even someone pitiful like Zeus. But Sailor Jupiter. The true god of thunder. The fiercest lightning warrior ever. His childhood hero! Seungmin embodied her strength, her ironclad will. Blue electricity sizzled at his fingertips. He asked, “Does it look like I’m asking Hyunjin to stand up for me?” He stepped boldly closer.

 

All around them, the shadowy watchers were doing their job. Watching. Recording. Documenting the budding fight from every angle, the white lights in their hands like tiny suns.

 

Hyunjin’s voice barely managed to reach Seungmin’s ears through the noise. “Back off, Seungmin. Don’t get involved.”

 

“If you won’t, I will,” Seungmin said back. His transformation was complete now. He stood there in Sailor Jupiter’s green and pink sailor suit. He felt her power thrum through him. Electricity bold and bright and beautiful danced around him. He felt indomitable. Deadly. Fierce. Unstoppable.

 

Taeyong laughed. “And what the flying fuck are you going to do, little Min?”

 

He shouldn’t have said that. He really shouldn’t.

 

Seungmin shut his eyes. _Jupiter_ ~

 

Taeyong egged him on, “Oh, you gonna cry now?”

 

 _Thunder_ ~

 

“Go running home to mommy.”

 

_CRASH!!!_

 

Seungmin opened his eyes, reared back and socked Taeyong in the face with a fist full of lightning. The star prince was so stunned, the blow had been so unexpected, that he tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his ass on the floor.

 

The illusion vanished. Seungmin stood in the hallway in front of the cafeteria, Taeyong sprawled on the ground at his feet, blood trickling out of the creep's nose.

 

There was a dull roar of ‘Ooohhh’ from the watching crowd. Someone shouted, “Holy fuck! Did you see that?”

 

Seungmin stood rooted to the spot, his whole body vibrating with adrenaline and the last flickering remnants of his short-lived lightning powers. He stared down at Taeyong, who wiped blood from his nose and stuttered to get his words out. “A-are you s-shitting me?”

 

Now the crowd was pointing and laughing. This time, unlike that morning, the jeers were aimed at Taeyong.

 

“It doesn’t hurt,” Taeyong attempted, glancing around. “He didn’t hit me that hard.”

 

“Then stand the fuck up,” someone in the crowd shouted back at him.

 

“Seungmin,” this was Hyunjin standing beside Seungmin, reaching for his arm. Seungmin shrugged away from his touch.

 

“I’m going to beat your ass,” Taeyong said, glaring up at Seungmin and getting up to his feet.

 

Still overcome with rage, and not even needing to come up with a fantastical scenario in his head, Seungmin kicked Taeyong in the chest, knocking the dude back to the floor.

 

Another wave of excited cheering and laughing erupted from the crowd. Seungmin shouted, “TELL THEM!”

 

His outburst quieted the crowd.

 

“Tell them, Taeyong,” Seungmin said again when it was as still and quiet as a graveyard in the hall. Seungmin tried his best not to care about the cameras pointed his way. He whispered, “Tell them.”

 

Taeyong didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to say anything.

 

Seungmin lunged forward and punched him across the jaw. Fast. Hard. He didn’t even know what came over him. The anger had just leaped out of him, pulling him forward like a marionette on strings. His fist hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt. But it was a mere fraction of the pain Jaemin was in.

 

Taeyong spit blood out of his mouth, glaring up at Seungmin with pure, deep hatred in his eyes. “You fucker.”

 

“Fine then,” Seungmin said. “I’ll tell them.” He turned away from Taeyong to face the crowd. “ _This_ is the son of a bitch who beat up Jaemin.” He waved a hand in Taeyong’s direction.

 

Gasps went up around the crowd. Shocked whispers started at one end of the hallway and rolled down to the other.

 

Taeyong got to his feet again. “Look here you--”

 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Seungmin screamed right into his face. Then, quieter, a whisper, “You’re a monster.”

 

Taeyong backed away, shocked into silence.

 

Even the crowd had grown quiet again, surprised by his rage.

 

“Hyunjin didn’t do it,” Seungmin said, still seething, still ready to fight for what he believed in. He looked around at the faces in the crowd. He was positive he saw Felix. He was sure he saw Changbin. He knew he had seen Jisung. Everyone had seen him do that but he did not care. “So you better keep his name out your fucking mouths.” With that, his anger dissipated. Regret started to pool in his stomach. He choked on air and felt his legs wobble beneath him. He had to get away.

 

Hyunjin grabbed for his arm again. Seungmin slapped his hand away and stomped down the hall, away from the cafeteria, away from his watching, stunned friends.

 

Like the Red Sea before Moses, the crowd parted in front of Seungmin as he left. Everyone pushed themselves to the walls on either side of the hall to get out of his way. No one, not even Hyunjin on his best day, had made Taeyong clam up like he’d just been scolded by his mother.

 

Only one person remained standing in the hallway in front of Seungmin.

 

Of course it was his brother. Of course.

 

Woojin stared at him with such intense disappointment on his face that Seungmin broke apart on the spot.

 

Fighting back tears, Seungmin circled past Woojin, not even brave enough to meet his brother’s eye.


	27. In Which Things Get Pieced Back Together But Only Partially

“I’m trying hard to be someone but falling short of the person I want to be.”

 

Running With Scissors (Acoustic) by I See Stars

 

“Seungmin!”

 

This was Woojin shouting at Seungmin’s back as the younger brother fled from the scene.

 

“Are you kidding me? Seungmin!”

 

Seungmin ignored him. Or tried to. He put one foot in front of the other, right foot and then the left, and tried desperately to keep it together. Now that his anger had dissipated, all that was left was regret. If he could just reach the doors at the end of the hall. If he could just get _outside_...

 

Woojin didn’t let up. “Kim Seungmin, stop right there!”

 

The younger Kim brother heard footsteps closing in on him.

 

“Look at what you’ve done, Seungmin.”

 

I know, Seungmin thought. I know, I know, I know!

 

“Seungmin!” Woojin was _fast_. He grabbed the back of his brother’s shirt.

 

Seungmin couldn’t do this. He couldn’t talk to his brother right now. Maybe not ever. He knew all his brother would do was nag and be a dick and rub this in his face. Seungmin took off running, pulling himself free of Woojin’s clutches. He just ran and ran, faster and faster, yet, somehow-- _somehow!_ \--Woojin’s voice came from right behind him:

 

“What the hell is your problem, Kim Seungmin!?”

 

“Leave me alone,” Seungmin croaked out. “Back off!” He was out of shape. He’d just started sprinting but he was already breathless and losing speed.

 

Woojin stayed on his six. His fingers brushed against the back of Seungmin’s arm as if to grab him but Seungmin twisted around the corner and rushed down the next hall. The action bought him a short amount of distance. Distance that Woojin was already closing. Woojin shouted at him again. Not even words, just his angry voice at Seungmin’s back, lashing out at him like a whip.

 

Seungmin hated this. He just wanted to be alone.

 

“Seungmin, if you don’t get your ass back here,” screamed Woojin. His voice felt like it was right in his ear.

 

Seungmin wouldn’t be able to outrun him. Not in this life or the next. Woojin was an athlete. Woojin ran around for fun. So Seungmin went to the one place Woojin would not follow: the girl’s bathroom. Seungmin charged through the door and dashed into the nearest stall, shutting and locking the door behind him before collapsing against the stall wall, breathing so hard he thought he might die.

 

Woojin’s voice was a muffled roar on the other side of the bathroom door. He yelled chopped-short syllables that sounded like Seungmin’s name. His ferocious knocks were like distant rumbles of thunder. Gunshots.

 

“Go away,” Seungmin tried. He wanted his voice to be powerful but it split apart in his throat and came out sounding like a pitiful whine.

 

Woojin replied with words that sounded an awful lot like, “I’m going to tell Mom.”

 

“I don’t care,” shouted Seungmin. “Do it! I don’t care. I hate you!” Then he plugged his ears with his fingers so that he would not hear his brother’s reply, so that he could not hear Woojin’s banging on the door.

 

It took several moments--hours, it felt like--but the noise on the other side of the bathroom door stopped. Maybe Woojin had finally given up.

 

Seungmin could only stand there and shake, his legs aching, his lungs burning, his hand still stinging across the knuckles because he’d punched Taeyong. He’d _punched_ Taeyong! Seungmin lowered his hands in front of his face. His skin was scraped on the knuckles, on the places his fist had connected with Taeyong’s jaw. On any other day, the thought of punching that dude would have thrilled him. He’d often daydreamed of becoming powerful and strong and knocking the dude down a peg but to actually do it was something entirely different. To really hit someone like that _hurt_. Not just physically but spiritually. He felt damaged. Corrupted. Rotten. He had done something very, very wrong. In front of so many people. He’d become the very thing his brother said he’d turn into.

 

And Taeyong’s revenge would be world-ending.

 

The air in the bathroom stall became thin and Seungmin struggled to suck in what little oxygen was left. He wished he hadn’t done that in the hallway. He wished he could take it back.

 

Seungmin’s phone rang, making him startle and shout in the quiet of the empty bathroom.

 

Suzuka Nakamoto’s voice soared high above the chugging guitars of his favorite Babymetal song. Seungmin pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the screen. It was his brother. Without hesitating, he declined the call.

 

Fuck fuck fuck. Why did he do that? Why did he punch _Taeyong_? Taeyong wasn’t the type to sit idly by while his pride was threatened in front of an audience. It was that exact childish persistence that had him constantly challenging Chan’s crew even when his own crew had gotten mopped up by them repeatedly. But Seungmin wasn’t in Chan’s crew. Seungmin was just Seungmin and if Taeyong could beat up someone like Jaemin without batting an eyelash, coming after Seungmin wouldn’t be much harder for him.

 

“Fuck,” he whispered. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

 

Seungmin’s phone rang again. Woojin. He declined it again. Faster than the last time.

 

“What am I going to do?”

 

Lunch wasn’t even halfway over. There was still forever to go. As great as a hiding place as this was, he couldn’t stay in here all day. He’d probably be safe from Taeyong and Woojin in here but Woojin would just fetch Jihyo and get her to come in here and talk to him. Seungmin didn’t want that. He feared disappointing his brother enough as it was. To let Jihyo down, to have to face her right now, would destroy him.

 

A third time, his phone went off. He saw Hyunjin’s name on the screen. He declined it and then held the power button on his phone until the screen went black, cutting him off from the people who would do nothing but yell at him.

 

When Seungmin got his breathing under control, he unlocked the stall door, ignored the confused stares from the girls who had just come in and walked out of the bathroom. Cautiously, he looked in either direction down the hall. His brother was gone. Thankfully. Probably back to his class, as goody two shoes as he was.

 

Seungmin slipped down the hallways of the building, avoiding the cafeteria and peeping around every single corner for signs of his brother or Taeyong before moving farther. The last thing he wanted was to be ambushed. He reached the school’s front doors and stepped outside. He felt so shitty inside which made him hate that the day outside was so pretty.

 

Exhausted, Seungmin slumped down onto the stairs, the concrete warm beneath him from the sun.

 

He wanted to go home. He’d have the house to himself for several hours until his family came arrived later in the afternoon. Then he’d… do something. Go somewhere… Hide. But where? Jisung’s? No. That would be the first place Woojin would check. The beach? No that would be the second place Woojin would come looking for him.

 

Today had been crazy. He wished it had been a dream. Or even a nightmare. Something he could blink away and forget about. Seungmin was just so tired. He felt like he’d barely finished one of the last floors of a difficult dungeon, numerous bloody battles behind him, his HP bar low and blinking with warning, his inventory emptied of all of its healing potions and not a single save point was in sight. He felt damaged and lost. On the verge of a game over.

 

What was he supposed to do now?

 

Someone settled down on the stair right next to him, knee against knee, shoulder against shoulder.

 

Seungmin looked up.

 

Jisung held out a large milkshake towards him, chocolate with whipped cream and crumbled candy bits on top. One of his favorites!

 

Gratefully, Seungmin took it. Or tried to. Jisung didn’t exactly let go of it so after a short-lived wrestling match, Seungmin settled for leaning forward and taking a few sips of it instead. The shake was thick, sweet and cool, perfect for such a warm and stressful day, and Seungmin could tell by the colorful cup that it came in that Jisung had slipped across the street to the convenience store to buy it instead of getting one from the cafeteria. Besides, they didn’t put candy bits on top in the cafeteria and what was a milkshake without the satisfying, stress-relieving crunch of candy bits? When Seungmin had reached their silently agreed upon three sip limit, Jisung pulled the cup away from him, stirred the shake with the straw a little and then took a sip himself.

 

They didn’t say anything. They didn’t have to. They’d known each other for too long.

 

So they just sat there, enjoying each other’s company. Enjoying the peace and stillness. The courtyard in front of the school was actually a little pretty when there weren’t hundreds of students migrating in or out of the building. A choir of birds were chirping in the tree branches and, at the very edge of Seungmin’s perception, he could hear the loud shouts of the outdoor PE class on the far side of campus.

 

It was his turn with the milkshake again. He took one sip. Then a second, taking his time to really savor the rich and chocolatey flavor, and then a quicker, brain freeze-inducing third sip. On cue, Jisung pulled the straw away.

 

Seungmin sucked in a deep breath and then let it out. He was calm now. Calmer than he thought he’d ever be after everything that had happened. After that fight with Taeyong. After that fight with Hyunjin.

 

Hyunjin.

 

Subconsciously, Seungmin raised his hand to his shoulder. The one that had connected with the locker when Hyunjin had shoved him. Shoved him! It didn’t hurt now but he remembered how he felt when it _did_ hurt. Scared. Little. Hyunjin had never treated him like that before. Had never scared him like that. Not on purpose. His brother’s words echoed in his head:

 

_“What’s there to stop him from hitting you?”_

 

Next to nothing.

 

He thought about the dent Hyunjin had left in the locker door, about how Hyunjin had screamed in his face.

 

Right on time, it seemed, Jisung waved the milkshake cup in front of him. Obediently, Seungmin took his prescribed three sips. And then he took a fourth. And then a fifth. Jisung let him.

 

Seungmin looked up at him, meeting his eye and really looking at him for the first time since Jisung sat down. Seungmin was still rubbing his own shoulder so he made himself stop. Had Jisung… seen that? Had he been in the hallway when that had happened with Hyunjin?

 

Jisung didn’t say anything. Either because he couldn’t or he was waiting for Seungmin to speak first. His neutral expression didn’t exactly make it clear if he knew anything or not, if he’d seen anything or not. Maybe he just felt like getting a milkshake. Or maybe, being best friends, he knew how much pain Seungmin would be in after that scene in the hallway. After that shitshow in the classroom.

 

Seungmin pushed his luck and went for a sixth sip. A seventh. That’s when Jisung grunted in disapproval and pulled the straw out of Seungmin’s mouth. He gave Seungmin a look and then leaned away to stick the straw in his own mouth, looking away to stare at the courtyard in front of him, at the painfully bright and sunny day that stretched out above them. Seungmin turned his own gaze out to the big olive tree, the one whose ample shade provided them with their favorite after school meeting place. Yet even such a sight didn’t keep all of the bad thoughts away. All of his friends had seen him blow up today. Jisung, Felix, the surfer boys. They had all watched him snap and punch someone. Knowing he’d exposed such an angry and ugly part of himself to them made him feel vulnerable, isolated and small. Would they hate him? Would they fear him? Would they stop wanting to hang out with him? Would they think of him in the same cruel way that they thought of Hyunjin?

 

Jisung pointed the straw at his mouth. Seungmin took it and slurped up more of the milkshake. He was tired of thinking. He was tired of feeling. So he didn’t do either. His world shrank down around him until it was nothing but the stair he sat on. Nothing but the cup in front of him. Nothing but the friend beside him. Jisung tugged the straw out of his mouth and leaned away.

 

In simple ways like that, the minutes went by.

 

It was Seungmin’s turn with the milkshake again. He leaned forward to get at the straw. He only went for three sips, even when Jisung continued to hold the cup towards him afterwards. When Jisung gave in and took the cup back, it was clear from the crackling noise from the straw as he sucked that the two of them had reached the bottom of the milkshake. It wasn’t the powerful healing potion Seungmin desperately needed to survive the dungeon until the next checkpoint but, for a little while, he’d feel invincible. That would help.

 

The bell signaling the end of first lunch rang out but neither of them moved.

 

The two of them didn’t have to talk about anything that had happened today. Not yet. Not until he was ready. However, Jisung just _being there_ was more than enough.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Seungmin encountered Taeyong much sooner than he anticipated.

 

The hallway was crowded during the space between third and fourth period but since Seungmin had been fearing such a confrontation all day, he was able to spot Taeyong the moment the boy turned the corner at the far end of the hall.

 

Taeyong must have known where Seungmin would be at this time of day because his eyes immediately darted to the stairwell doorway where Seungmin was standing as if Taeyong had been counting down the seconds to this moment. The eye contact, even at such a massive distance, was paralyzing. Seungmin’s HP was still dangerously low from the last fight. He still hadn’t recovered and all of the serenity Jisung’s milkshake had blessed him with had taken all of a breath to empty out of him as soon as the spark of recognition flashed in Taeyong’s eyes. Seungmin became rooted to the spot. He could do nothing but swallow and shake as Taeyong made his deliberately slow way towards him, his fists clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed with bad intentions. Seungmin saw Taeyong’s busted nose and split bottom lip. The fact that he had been the one to cause such damage made his stomach drop to his feet.

 

“Yo,” Taeyong called out, his eyes not leaving Seungmin’s for a moment.

 

Seungmin took a step backwards.

 

“Don’t you dare move,” Taeyong chastised.

 

Seungmin halted. His insides turned to mush. Nervous sweat gathered along his hairline.

 

Almost casually, Taeyong drifted down the hallway. His predatory nature was like that of a tiger shark, massive and fearsome. All jagged edges and visible battle scars. The other students slipped out of the boy’s way as he stomped towards Seungmin.

 

Seungmin deserved this. He had incurred the wrath of Goliath The Giant and he was David, all out of stones to fling.

 

Taeyong was right up on him now. Close enough to reach him. Close enough to try to grab him.

 

There was movement in the stairwell door immediately behind Seungmin. “Hey,” a low voice exhaled into Seungmin’s ear. Seungmin’s nose became overwhelmed with the stench of menthol cigarettes as a heavy arm wrapped snug around his neck and playfully shook him. “I finally caught up with you. You’re fast, you know.”

 

Seungmin, afraid to completely take his eyes off of Taeyong’s menacing approach, barely turned his head to look at who was next to him and speaking to him so familiarly like this. He caught sight of a curly head of hair and a big, round nose. He forgot all about Taeyong. “Chan,” the name dropped off his tongue, round with surprise and relief.

 

Taeyong, just as surprised by this new visitor, turned sharply. Redirecting like his internal GPS had just updated. His earlier bravado was that quickly snuffed out. Taeyong gave Chan and Seungmin a wide berth and then slipped into the stairwell door behind them without saying another word, without even glancing in their direction.

 

Seungmin didn’t relax until the boy’s footsteps receded down the stairs and blended in with the noise of the crowded hallway.

 

“Seungmin,” Chan said. The upperclassman pressed something wrapped in cellophane against Seungmin’s chest. “Figured you would want this.”

 

It was like having to learn to use his hands all over again. Seungmin barely managed to take the parcel from Chan without dropping it. “What is it?”

 

“A sandwich,” Chan announced. “You never got to eat lunch, right?” And with that, he pulled his arm from around Seungmin’s neck and began to walk away whistling, as if he hadn’t just saved a life.

 

Hungrily, Seungmin tore open the plastic packaging and bit into the bread. He didn’t care for the flavor at all but as empty as he felt, he’d eat anything. What kind of vegetable was this? It tasted artificial and dry. It didn’t matter. He swallowed his mild displeasure and he ate it regardless, taking big bites and chewing hard. Seungmin glanced over his shoulder, double-checking for Taeyong. In the stairwell. In the hallway. The coast was clear. For now. Seungmin took another bite and started towards his last class of the day, trying his best to ignore the wide-eyed stares that followed him as he walked. He finished the sandwich and chucked the balled-up plastic into a trash can he was passing. Chan had never ever gone out of his way to speak to him, even after that whole thing outside of the pharmacy. He had definitely never done something like bring him a late lunch. So had Chan known Taeyong would start something and had been waiting for his chance to intervene? Or was it just a regular case of damn good timing that prevented Seungmin from facing a boss battle he could not win?

 

He would have to thank Chan later.

 

Seungmin turned the corner and approached the doorway to his class. It was his least favorite class of the day because it was the one time where he and Jisung were separated: his best friend downstairs taking Sociology while Seungmin suffered in Environmental Science alone.

 

He noticed something was amiss the moment he walked into the classroom.

 

The bell had yet to ring. There was still a few minutes of their break remaining. Everyone had been talking and laughing, huddled over their phone screens or trying, at the very last second, to finish that class’s homework before their teacher walked in. It was all normal. Ordinary.

 

Then all of that noise died down as Seungmin made his way across the room and to his desk.

 

His classmates stopped their talking to look over at him. Quiet sat heavy in every corner of the room. Not even whispers. Whenever he made eye contact with someone, they looked away from him. They slid their desks to the side to give him room to pass even though there was no need to. They pulled their bags and legs out of the aisles as he approached, muttering “sorry” if they didn’t move fast enough.

 

Seungmin passed Hyunjin’s empty desk. He didn’t know whether to be worried about the boy’s absence or relieved that he had one less confrontation to deal with at the moment.

 

Two rows up, he sank down into his assigned seat, realizing with shame and horror that his classmates were starting to treat him the exact same way they always treated Hyunjin: keeping him at a distance so that they wouldn’t be who he hit next.

 

It broke his heart.

 

The classroom dissolved around him. The walls pushed back, the roof fell away. Saltwater began to pour in, swallowing everything. In moments, the room was completely gone. All around him had become a raging ocean beneath a black, stormy sky. Lightning swept from one end of the horizon to the next in wicked blue bolts, the heat and light setting fire to the clouds in brief intervals. The wind howled, kicking up the waves. Seungmin was alone in the middle of it all. Directionless and starving. He was but a castaway on a hobbled-together raft, his boat and his soul battered by the water and the waves. Lonely. Empty. Around him were towering rocks, all of them too ready to smash his raft to pieces and leave him to the circling sharks. There was no hope. No ship would ever dare sail this far into the storm for him. No captain would risk his ship and his crew for someone as lowly as him. He was doomed to drown or be eaten alive by sharks one.

 

“Seungmin.” The sound of his name was loud in the quiet room. The syllables were a bridge spanning the brand new gap between him and the people around him who he thought he knew and who he thought knew him.

 

He peered into the depths of the storm, squinting against the rain and the splashing waves. There _was_ a ship. It was coming right for him. It’s sails had been ripped to shreds by the wind and the paint of its hull was scratched and battered but it was coming towards him. They had seen him and they were coming to his rescue! Hope once again burned bright in him as the storm clouds pulled apart and let the first rays of sunlight pass through.

 

The chair of the desk behind Seungmin’s scraped across the tile floor as someone pushed it back and sat down in it.

 

Seungmin looked over his shoulder and came face to face with Felix’s brilliant, warm smile.

 

The rest of the storm clouds cleared.

 

“Did you do the assignment we had over the weekend,” Felix asked cheerfully. His voice was velvety in the quiet of the classroom. “If you didn’t, I can help you. Get out your notebook.”

 

He knew Felix was speaking to fill the void, he was saying anything and everything to keep the room from being as quiet as death, but Seungmin was grateful for the interaction regardless. He pulled out his notebook and spun around in his chair so that Felix could help him.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

“Oyyyyy!”

 

The war cry came from the hallway somewhere behind Seungmin. He was in the foyer getting ready to leave school for the day. At the noise, he turned around to see Changbin walking in his direction with Mina at his side. “Oyy,” he called out, mustering up as much volume as he could manage. It wasn’t much.

 

“Are you okay?” Changbin asked when he approached. He put a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder. “I… saw what happened.”

 

“You don’t hate me?” Seungmin had to ask. “You’re not afraid of me?” He recalled how frightful Changbin and Minho had been of Hyunjin on the beach the other week.

 

“Dude, Taeyong’s an asshole who deserved to get his shit rocked,” Changbin told him.

 

“That… doesn’t make me feel much better.”

 

Mina spoke up. “Seungmin, I heard rumor. Rumor of him punching young first-year. He earn punishment.”

 

“From the school,” Seungmin admitted. “Or from the law. Not from me.” His knuckles still carried the scabs from clocking Taeyong across the jaw. “And now my classmates are terrified of me and I’m terrified of everybody else.”

 

Changbin shook him by the shoulder. “We know you did it for a good reason. You wanted to protect your boyfriend.”

 

Boyfriend. The word should have been pleasant but it took root in Seungmin’s chest like invasive vines, choking out all of his air. “I shouldn’t have. He’s not even grateful. He still thinks--”

 

“Well, we can’t really chat for long,” Changbin cut him off, guiding Mina towards the front doors. “We’ve got a double date with Minho and Dahyun. Gonna hit up the mini-golf course. It’s half-price on Mondays.”

 

“Oh,” Seungmin exhaled. “Good-- Goodbye.”

 

“See you later,” Mina called out with a wave.

 

“Later, dude,” Changbin shouted. Then they were out the door and gone.

 

Seungmin stood there feeling lost and stranded. Unfulfilled. He wanted to talk and talk and talk, spill all of the feelings and emotions that had been in his head since lunch. He supposed Changbin didn’t particularly owe him a listening ear but he hated that he’d gotten ready to open the floodgates only to have to slam them shut again. Seungmin bit his bottom lip.

 

He needed to be careful. He couldn’t stay in the foyer for too long. Woojin could pass through any minute. Or Jihyo. Or Taeyong. Or Hyunjin. God, how had he let his list of people he wanted to avoid get so long?

 

Then he heard it. Over the noise of the crowd, he heard the sound of Felix’s laughter. Like bells. Like a heavenly choir.

 

Seungmin perked up, following the noise, standing on his tiptoes to see over people’s heads.

 

He almost missed him. Felix almost walked right past him.

 

“Oyyy,” Seungmin called out.

 

Felix paused at the school’s front doors. He looked around and spotted Seungmin by the bulletin boards. He waved and, thinking that was everything, continued on through the doors.

 

Seungmin chased after him, knocking people aside in his rush to the doors. He caught up with Felix halfway down the main stairs. “Felix,” he called out. “Felix, wait up!”

 

The redhead paused and turned around to look at him. “What’s up, man?”

 

“You busy?”

 

“Yeah, actually,” Felix stated. Then, when he saw the way Seungmin’s face fell, he quickly added, “Did you need something?”

 

“I just… wanted to hang out… and talk, I guess.” About anything, really. Everything. Or nothing. He just wanted to talk.

 

“I have plans.” Felix kind of shattered Seungmin’s dreams. He started back down the stairs. Seungmin had to take them two at a time to catch up. They walked across the courtyard. Felix’s eyes didn’t leave the phone in his hands. “I’m going on a date, actually.” And then, rather unnecessarily, he added, “With Jeongin.”

 

“Oh.” Seungmin slowed down a bit. It seemed like everyone was busy today. He would have been busy, too, if Hyunjin hadn’t rescinded his invitation, but with that no longer on the table, he realized that everyone was busy without him. “Can I come?”

 

“Huh?” Felix looked up from his phone, spinning around to look at him.

 

“I mean, on the date. Can I come along?”

 

“I’ll have to ask him.” Felix was already typing up the text message.

 

Just so that no one involved thought he had an ulterior motive, Seungmin said, “I just don’t want to go home yet.”

 

Felix looked up at him again. Now he was giving Seungmin all of his attention. They fell into step next to each other, slowing down until they were hardly walking at all. “I’ve been meaning to ask this… but are you okay, Seungmin?”

 

The boy shook his head in response.

 

Felix’s expression changed. Enlightenment flashed across his face. “I see. I mean, yeah. You can hang out with us.” He at least attempted to give Seungmin one more chance to change his mind. “I don’t know how fun it’ll be for you, though. Jeongin’s kind of...” He stopped himself.

 

By then, the two of them had passed the school gates and were walking towards the corner at the end of the block. Side by side, they moved slowly while the rest of the student body seemed to charge past them like they were in the middle of a prison break. As if Mondays at school were _that_ terrible. Seungmin forced a laugh, “You’re worrying for no reason.” He would rather willingly be the third wheel on a date than be alone right now. For the first time since lunch, he had turned his phone back on. Three missed calls from Woojin. Six from Hyunjin. One from Jihyo. One from Mom. Voice mail. Voice mail. Voice mail. Text messages from all of them. He’d rather chuck his phone into the ocean than attempt to sift through all of the notifications. He shoved his phone back in his pocket. More firmly, he said, “I want to go. I don’t mind. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” He did mind. And he had asked because he felt like he had no other choice. It was either this or face fire and brimstone!

 

Felix stared down the sidewalk ahead of them. “Maybe if we have time afterwards, when he leaves, we can talk about today.”

 

Today. The fight in the hall. Seungmin nodded. “I’d appreciate that.” He had thought he would be okay bottling it all in but, now that most of the day had passed and he had spent the last few hours festering in fear, he was becoming aware of how great a burden unspoken feelings could be. He’d much rather talk about everything. Just… preferably with someone who wasn’t going to yell at him. Hell, that’s why he was about to spend his afternoon with the Snaggletooth Gremlin. He’d do anything but get fussed at by his brother or mother. He’d eat hot coals!

 

Felix looked up from his phone. “Well, Jeongin said he’s okay with you coming along. Said something about… the battle continues? Told me you would know what he meant.”

 

Seungmin sighed and rolled his eyes. This had absolutely nothing to do with the love war! Hadn’t Jeongin already won? That shit was over long ago but Jeongin’s petty ass was still holding on. Seungmin wasn’t even hanging out with Felix to make a move or anything! He just desperately needed company. He just needed to not be alone. “Tell him to watch it because Zhuge Liang dies first.”

 

Felix just stared blankly at him, clearly not understanding.

 

“He’ll get it,” Seungmin added. “But only if he’s smart.”

 

“Alright,” Felix gave in. He looked down at his phone and relayed the oddball message. They didn’t have to wait too long for a response. Felix’s phone dinged with a new text before they’d even arrived at the crosswalk. Felix read it aloud. “He’ll be here any second and... a dead Zhuge scares away a living Zhongda. What the absolute fuck, you two? What planet are you guys from?”

 

“The weasel,” Seungmin whispered under his breath. “The fucking mophead.” Would he ever possess the tools and skills necessary to defeat a Level 1XX opponent? Dammit. No wonder Jeongin had won so easily.

 

Felix asked, “Can you at least tell me what the fuck a Zhuge and a Zhongda is?”

 

Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi. The great masterminds. Intellectuals who fought each other repeatedly, stalemate after stalemate. They were each other’s only competition, destined to clash until one of them finally lost. For good.

 

Seungmin shoved his hands in his pockets and gritted his teeth. Jeongin was taunting him. Jeongin was saying that the mere threat of his presence, the mere idea of his brand new relationship with Felix, was enough to keep Seungmin in line. To keep him tame. “Tell him to--”

 

“Tell him yourself,” Felix cut him off. “I don’t want to get caught in the middle of whatever weird competition you two have got going on.”

 

The irony of such a statement almost made Seungmin laugh out loud but he bit it back and swallowed it down. In all honesty, he was tempted to just admit to Felix everything about the love war, that Jeongin dating him was more a sore winner showing off a golden trophy than any actual confession of romantic emotion, but… “He likes you a lot, Felix. Trust me. You’re good together.”

 

Felix gave him a look. A raised eyebrow and half-open mouth as if he wasn’t sure what he’d just heard. “Let’s… not talk about that.”

 

“Is it not true? Are you not good together?”

 

“Seungmin. Don’t.”

 

Seungmin didn’t. As much as he wanted to. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

 

“Try not to make this awkward.”

 

“But isn’t it already? I know it’s super weird for me to tag along when you’re going on a goddamn date with someone else after...” He stopped himself, not meaning to go that far.

 

Felix’s smile wavered but he painted it back on. Brighter. “Let’s only talk about the good stuff. You’ve had a rough day so consider this afternoon my treat. Hope you don’t mind pizza, though. We kind of already decided.”

 

“Pizza’s fine. I was craving it myself.” Seungmin wasn’t. He wanted sushi.

 

“Oyyyy,” came the surfer boys’ distinctive wolf howl.

 

Seungmin spun around, getting his hopes all up expecting Changbin or Minho. He didn’t see either of them. It was Jeongin who was rushing up the sidewalk towards them, waving excitedly. Seungmin didn’t like this. That was _their_ thing! He and the surfer boys could call out to each other like that. Not Jeongin! He wasn’t invited!

 

But--

 

“Oyyy,” Felix shouted back, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify the sound.

 

Jeongin rushed up to Felix and threw his arms around the redhead’s neck. They both laughed and Jeongin spun them around in a weird little circle. At first, Seungmin thought they were just playing around but then, on the second rotation, he became aware of the fact that Jeongin was grinning at Seungmin over Felix’s shoulder, his snaggle teeth on full display, his eyes narrowed and dastardly like a true and proper Saturday morning cartoon villain. Of course he was showing off. Of course he was rubbing it in.

 

Fortunately, too much bad shit had happened to Seungmin today for another ton of bad shit to make much of a difference to the great weight on his back. “Awww, how cute,” he sang out with a smile.

 

His reaction was so unexpected that Jeongin stuttered to a halt, nearly careening into Seungmin in the process. “Oh hey,” Jeongin said, as if he hadn’t actually seen Seungmin this whole time, “it’s you.”

 

“It’s me,” Seungmin replied in the same tone of voice. “Now are we gonna keep standing around or are we gonna get pizza?”


	28. In Which Seungmin's Prepared For Trouble But Not Prepared To Make It A Double

“And I can’t let you make me your, your everything.”

 

Escape by Kehlani

 

They didn’t go to the pizzeria downtown as Seungmin expected. Instead, Felix led the two others south, past the amusement park and away from the noise of the town center to a small pizza parlor a short ways off of the marina. It was a small, quaint place. Family-owned. Decorated more like someone’s living room than a restaurant. It seemed a little cheap yet there was an odd charm to the dim lights and mismatched chairs. The place smelled like fresh bread and wood smoke, their table in the back corner was excessively wobbly, a Jimi Hendrix song played through the buzzy and scratchy speakers hanging from the walls and the wide, arch-shaped windows at the front of the shop looked out onto the shiny, white hulls of a row of yachts and fishing boats moored at one of the docks.

 

Seungmin, having lived in this town all of his life, didn’t know the place existed. Then again, he so rarely had reason to come this far south, to go to the marina.

 

“This is my favorite eating spot,” Felix announced. He was the last one of the three to sit down at their booth and get settled. “My father and I used to come here all of the time before he got super busy with his job. They have this one pizza… It’s called the Meat Maestro. You have to try it. It’s a mountain of meat.” He was so happy, so excited to share this little slice of his world with someone. His smile was as bright as the sun but it was aimed in Jeongin’s direction.

 

Seungmin looked away.

 

Jeongin ate up the attention. “Meat Maestro. That sounds heckin’ dirty if, heh, if you know what I mean.”

 

“It’s heaven,” Felix kept things on track. “Pepperoni, bacon, beef, chicken… Literally everything good in the world.”

 

“If you want a heart attack,” Jeongin replied.

 

Ugh. Seungmin rolled his eyes, sick of the two of them already. They weren’t even doing anything, really, but their megawatt smiles irked him. The way Jeongin pressed his pinky finger against Felix’s on the table irked him. Why was Seungmin here? Out of all of the bad decisions he’d made all month, this was probably one of the main contenders for The Worst Idea Ever.

 

Felix laughed. All violin and angel song. “If you don’t try a slice of it, you’ll regret it.”

 

Jeongin pouted. “I think I’ll be okay.”

 

Seungmin glanced down at one of the flimsy, laminated menus on the table. All of the pizzas had odd names: Jalapeno Haberdashery, White Feta Affair, Psychodello Portobello, Cinco de Cheese-O. He just wanted a plain pepperoni.

 

“I think I came here once ages ago,” Jeongin admitted. “It looks so familiar-- Did they bring us here after golf club once?”

 

Felix hummed and tapped his finger to his bottom lip in thought. “Probably. The country club is right down the road from here.”

 

“I really think they did. It was that first weekend. There were so many of us. We took up the whole place.”

 

“Holy fucking shit. That _does_ sound familiar. Wow, that was ages ago, dude. How the hell do you remember?”

 

“Ages? Are you heckin’ kidding? It’s only been like three years. I think.”

 

It actually felt like they were keeping Seungmin at a distance from their conversation topics, talking about things he wouldn’t have known because he didn’t share such memories. He already felt like he was stranded on an island alone, sitting what seemed to be a million miles away on the other side of the table from them. He shifted a little so that he was sitting more directly across from Felix. “Do they have plain pepperoni pizza,” Seungmin cut into their conversation.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Felix reached across the table and pointed to the bottom of the menu as if he had the whole thing memorized. “Order the Primo Roni.”

 

“Gotcha,” Seungmin said with a slow nod. If the establishment was going to name every pizza something wacky, couldn’t they at least make it more clear which was which? Wait. Hold on. If he squinted, there was an italicized list of toppings beneath the pizza names and prices. It was a little difficult to spot because of the background texture of the paper. “Primo Roni,” he repeated. It kind of clicked in his head. “Wait, that’s a little cute.”

 

“Right?” Felix grinned. “You get it now.”

 

“Want to know what else is cute?” Jeongin interjected. “I got new bands on my braces over the weekend.” He grinned wide, pointing to his teeth. “They glow in the dark!” The bands didn’t exactly look all too impressive beneath the lamp above their table. Jeongin shut his mouth. “You’d be surprised how flippin’ long they stay lit up. Woke up last night to go to the bathroom and scared myself to death when I looked in the mirror and saw my mouth full of green light.”

 

Seungmin seriously asked, “You don’t scare yourself looking in the mirror on any other day?”

 

Felix snorted back a laugh.

 

In response, Jeongin slid across the seat of the booth and draped an arm over Felix’s shoulders. He grinned wide. “Repeat that? Didn’t flippin’ hear you.”

 

Childish. Seungmin huffed, “You know what you want yet?”

 

Jeongin waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I think so.”

 

“It better be common sense,” Seungmin shot back.

 

Felix lightly tapped the table with his fingers. “Hey, no fighting.”

 

Seungmin propped his chin up on his hands and looked away. What made him think that tagging along on someone else’s date was a good idea? What made him think being the third wheel would be any more enjoyable than facing Woojin’s annoying ass? Seungmin should have caught on from the beginning that the only reason why Jeongin agreed to let him come was so that he could pull this type of shit in front of Seungmin for the entirety of the afternoon. This ‘look at my boyfriend that you wish was your boyfriend’ shit. It shouldn’t have surprised him. The actual surprise was how much of it Felix seemed to be tolerating. The guy didn’t seem fazed by Jeongin’s show-off behavior at all. Seungmin’s eyes settled on the TV screen on the far wall. It was a football game, he guessed. The TV wasn’t angled towards their back corner very well so he could really only see the bare minimum of color and movement on the screen.

 

“I kinda miss golf club,” Jeongin admitted.

 

Felix looked over at him, “Dude, just go back. They’re probably desperate for sign-ups now.”

 

“I’ll go if you go.”

 

“Nah. I’m trying to enter as many surf comps as I can. Plus, I never really fucking cared about golf.”

 

“Oh.” Jeongin unwrapped his arm from Felix’s shoulder but stayed close to his side like their torsos were glued together. “Maybe you can teach me how to surf?”

 

“Nah. You should ask Minho. Dude’s a genius.”

 

“I don’t want to be taught by a genius. I want to be taught by you.”

 

“It’ll be tough and I suck at teaching but I guess that’s something we can do this summer.”

 

“We should go see a movie this week,” Jeongin suggested. “We can see a matinee and then hang out on the boardwalk after.”

 

Felix smiled at the boy. “That sounds great, Jeongin. That new monster movie comes out on Tuesday. It’s supposed to be scary as fuck.”

 

“Oh, I’m not really into horror movies. Can we see something else?”

 

“Dude, what else is worth seeing? I’m not watching a rom-com.”

 

“There’s that road trip movie.”

 

“Isn’t it a rom-com?”

 

“No. It’s about a mother and daughter.”

 

Seungmin interrupted, “Is the service here usually this slow?” He had said it louder than he meant to. In fact, he’d only meant to think it.

 

Felix startled and looked across the table at him. Their eyes met almost like Felix was only just now remembering Seungmin’s presence. “It’s a small place,” Felix explained. “And it’s off hours. There’s usually only two or three waitstaff this early in the afternoon.” He jerked his head. “I think we’re in that guy’s section. It looks like he’s almost done over there.”

 

Seungmin spun around in his seat and followed the indicated direction. A few tables back, he could see a waiter tending to a family of five seated at a round table. Jeongin and Felix went back to talking. Seungmin groaned and pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to make his way through all of the texts he’d received that afternoon. It would be emotional torture, he knew, but anything would be better than having to listen to Jeongin’s chihuahua yapping.

 

He dismissed all of the missed call notifications and then tapped the screen to go through his messages.

 

Mom’s text was short and urgent, probably sent from her work desk: ‘Can you tell me your side of the story, pumpkin?’ To that, he sent back: ‘Just ground me.’

 

Jihyo’s text seemed wildly flippant considering the severity of the situation: ‘Yo. Everyone is talking about this so it’s gotta be true. I heard you walloped LEE FUCKING TAEYONG in the hall. He’s gonna kill you. Did you pick up that new amiibo yet? I wanna see it. Take a picture.’ Seungmin sent her the photo he’d taken of the newest piece of his collection along with an ‘I’m fine. Thanks for asking.’

 

Woojin’s message felt like an arrow to the knee: ‘If you get suspended, I will whoop your ass.’

 

Seungmin sighed. His brother was probably eating this all up. Woojin was dying for the chance to scream ‘I told you so’ and then add this mess to his laundry list of reasons why he hated Hyunjin. Not even strong enough to formulate a reply, Seungmin exited the chat and opened up the message he got from Hyunjin. It was a massive wall of text, taller than the height of his screen. Just at a glance, he spotted the words ‘hurt’ ‘apologize’ and ‘lose’ among the thousand sentences. He couldn’t get much further. Emotion leaped up in him. He went cross-eyed and dizzy. Just the idea of Hyunjin had started a hurricane up in his head. Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut and put his phone down. He wasn’t sure if he could hear Hyunjin out just yet. He wasn’t sure if he could manage. Beneath the table, someone’s foot bumped up against his shoe. He ignored it but then the bump came again. And again. Seungmin assumed it was Jeongin antagonizing him. His anger started to spike but when he looked up, Felix was staring right at him, a worrying frown on the corner of his mouth. Seungmin realized it was Felix’s shoe pressing against his beneath the table. He relaxed. That must have been Felix’s goal because the redhead’s frown turned into a smile. Just a little bit. A smidgen of his white teeth poked out from between his pink lips. They held each other’s gaze a second or four or five longer than the moment called for, Jeongin oblivious to it all as he chatted away about school, his attention on the menu in front of him.

 

Before Seungmin had much of a chance to think about what Felix wanted, their waiter finally arrived.

 

“Welcome to Taeil’s. Sorry about the wait. What can I get you to drink?”

 

Seungmin recognized that voice. Barely. He looked away from Felix’s expectant face to see that it was Juyeon from Chan’s crew standing at their table, smiling brightly and looking cool despite the tacky orange and green uniform he sported.

 

“Diet Coke,” Jeongin ordered, looking up.

 

“Sprite,” Seungmin announced.

 

Juyeon frowned a little, “We have Sierra Mist. Is that alright?”

 

“No, but I guess it’ll do.”

 

“I’ll take my usual,” said Felix.

 

“Diet Coke, Sierra Mist and an Arnold Palmer coming right up.”

 

Juyeon started to walk away but hardly got three steps before Felix called out after him, “Wait!”

 

The waiter turned back around, smiling brightly. Seungmin didn’t know why he’d never thought of it, but the idea that Chan’s crew may have had part-time jobs around town sounded almost bizarre to him. He didn’t think they’d be the type to break all the rules and make fun of kids at school only to turn around, slip on an apron and be nice to strangers for a paycheck. He doubted Hyunjin would ever need a part-time job in his life but what about Chan? He might have one. What on earth would he be suited for, though? He gave off car mechanic vibes.

 

Juyeon must have felt Seungmin’s eyes on him. He turned and looked at him. They made eye contact for a long moment before Seungmin could manage to look away. In that brief second, however, recognition had flashed in Juyeon’s eyes.

 

“Are we ready to order?” Felix asked the table. Then he looked up at Juyeon without waiting for much of an answer from them. “We’re ready to order.”

 

Juyeon nodded and pushed his hands into the pockets of his apron. “What’ll you have?”

 

Felix must have come to the restaurant quite often. He didn’t need to consult the menu at all. “Can we get an extra large but then split it into thirds?”

 

“We usually only do half and half but I’ll let the chef know it’s you.”

 

“You’re the best, dude,” Felix said. “I’ll take my usual. And then another third will be Primo Roni with double pepperoni. Jeongin, what did you want again?”

 

Jeongin hastily scanned his menu. As the seconds ticked by and Juyeon’s customer service smile slowly faded, Jeongin’s eyes darted from one end of the menu to the other with increased manic speed.

 

Felix cleared his throat.

 

Snapping under the pressure, Jeongin blurted out, “The pineapple one. Please and thank you.”

 

Juyeon repeated their order. “Alright, so one third Primo Roni double ‘roni, one third Pineapple Garden Party and one third Meat Maestro?”

 

That sounded correct. Felix nodded confidently.

 

“I’ll put that order in for you.” Juyeon slinked away, giving Seungmin one last look of acknowledgement over his shoulder before he rushed towards the kitchen to relay their request.

 

With that out of the way, Felix attempted to get their conversation going again. “I can’t wait until exams are over. Summer is so close. Less than ten days left. We’re right at the end.”

 

Jeongin grinned, cozying up rather snuggly against Felix’s side. “I can’t wait to start our surfing lessons.”

 

Seungmin dry heaved and tried to tune out the laughter of the couple across the table from him. The noise from the kitchen was steady, controlled chaos. A couple of shouts, the banging of pots and pans, a waitress hollering “Hot plate, hot plate!” It still wasn’t enough to drown out the noise of Jeongin and Felix having fun together. Ugh. If only the music was turned up a little louder or, hell, if the TV was turned up higher. What had just happened? An interception? He didn’t give two fucks about football but he wished he could watch this game. He was strongly tempted to duck out of the booth and sit at the next table over just so he could get a better angle to watch the TV.

 

He would have if Felix didn’t call his name. “Right, Seungmin?” Short, sweet and simple. Just like that.

 

“Hmm, what?” Seungmin turned to look at him. “Did you ask me something?”

 

“Just asking if you agree.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I do,” Seungmin said, knowing he was being made fun of.

 

Jeongin stuck his tongue out.

 

Felix just laughed and went back to talking to Jeongin.

 

Pouting, Seungmin turned his eyes back to the TV, silently wishing he’d hung out with Jisung this afternoon instead.

 

Quickly and quietly, almost entirely unnoticed, Juyeon brought them their drink orders and flashed them a smile before leaving again.

 

Twenty minutes later, their pizza arrived. It came on a round, silver tray and the steam rose up off of it in a fresh-out-the-oven haze. Juyeon slid a stack of plates across the table in the direction of the napkin dispenser and then he sat the steaming tray down with a practiced flourish. He gave the tray a spin so that the toppings pointed vaguely in the direction of who ordered it and then he stepped back and said, “Enjoy. Let me know if you need anything else.” With a dip of his head, Juyeon left to tend to his other tables.

 

The boys reached for their plates and grabbed their first slices. Hot cheese stretched between the slices as they pulled the pie apart. “It smells amazing,” Seungmin gasped out. There was a tanginess he didn’t expect. A rich, charred smokiness that probably came from the wood fire. Seungmin could see the buttery flakiness of the crust just by peeling the slices apart. The dough was thick and solid. The sauce was bright red and flavored with multiple herbs. The restaurant looked a little rinky-dink but Seungmin did enough cooking at home to know great food when he saw it. He took a bite. “Ooh, it tastes amazing, too!” The flavor was layered and deep and worth far more than the cheap price they’d be charged for it.

 

“Glad you like it,” Felix said with a grin. “Really glad.”

 

Jeongin bit into his slice of pineapple pizza and hummed in contentment. “Fantastic!”

 

Seungmin hooked his eyes in Jeongin’s direction. “You would. That’s just the kind of person you are.”

 

Sensing the brand new animosity in the air, Jeongin met Seungmin’s cold gaze with a frigid stare of his own. He lowered his voice to a growl. “I would what?”

 

“Dudes,” Felix attempted. He nudged Jeongin in the shoulder but that didn’t stop their stand-off. “Don’t.”

 

“You _would_ like pineapple on your pizza.” Seungmin turned up his nose in disgust.

 

Jeongin smiled smugly. “You don’t have good tastes.”

 

Seungmin put his elbows up on the table. “If I have bad tastes, _you_ have bad tastes.” He did something risky by hooking his eyes in Felix’s direction for a brief second.

 

Jeongin caught the look. He realized what Seungmin was implying and gasped a little. The boy leaned forward across the table, nearing Seungmin’s face. “But who picked the best thing on the menu?” The Snaggletooth Gremlin reached out his hand and put it on top of Felix’s on the table.

 

Oof. Seungmin deflated.

 

“I said no fighting,” Felix spoke up, still somehow not catching on. “Guys!” He looked first at Jeongin and then across the table at Seungmin. “If you dumbasses are going to fucking argue about pineapples--”

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin said, sinking back into his seat. “I’m just in the mood to fight.”

 

“Don’t be,” snapped Felix. “Having a bad day isn’t an excuse to mess up a good time for others.”

 

He was right. Seungmin groaned.

 

Jeongin raised an eyebrow and grinned from ear to ear. His expression was eerily similar to Woojin’s at the dinner table after he had snitched to Mom about something Seungmin had done; it was the face of a man who had stooped to the lowest necessary level to make a point in a debate. Jeongin had won this round.

 

Seungmin went back to watching the football game. He couldn’t even see the score from this angle but he saw a streak of orange and white as the camera zoomed in on the quarterback. He couldn’t help how quickly his mood had soured. Jeongin had a way of getting under his skin without even really having to try. They were sworn enemies in every sense of the word, destined to clash at every turn. Except, somehow, Jeongin always wound up with the advantage and he always ensured that he kicked Seungmin a time or two while the boy was already down. Talk about unfair. The football game gave way to commercials and Seungmin found himself with little else to do but pay attention to the couple across the table from him again.

 

“And guess what we see outside,” Felix prompted, grinning so wide and so bright that Seungmin’s insides warmed up without his permission. “We see _snow_!” He laughed like an excited child. Like he was surrounded by snow right then and there.

 

Seungmin’s mood lifted. His scowl melted away, replaced by a grin. He barely knew what Felix was talking about, had only heard the tail end of his story, but seeing the boy so happy made him happy. Made him glad to be sitting right here, right now, with such a smile aimed in his direction.

 

Jeongin shrugged, his mouth full of pineapple pizza. “Uhh, snow’s not really special. We get it almost every year.”

 

Felix’s smile faded, his joy snatched away by even such a tiny comment.

 

“Don’t be a dick,” Seungmin spoke up defensively. “It probably doesn’t snow all that much where he’s from.”

 

“It doesn’t,” Felix said, his mood recovering, “not really.” He looked up at Seungmin with a tiny bit of gratitude sparkling in his eyes. “So seeing so much of it here last winter was kind of shocking. It’s so cold but I actually love it.”

 

Seungmin smiled. As bright as he could manage in comparison to the sun across from him.

 

There was the lightest pressure against the side of Seungmin’s shoe. The _tap tap tap_ of a song beat or a heart rate. It dawned on Seungmin that Felix’s foot had been bumping against his under the table this whole time. For ages and ages. Seungmin pushed back, just a little, to test the waters. It worked. Felix pulled his lips in between his teeth shyly and his cheeks went a little red, but his eyes stayed bright and cheery. He pressed his foot back against Seungmin’s. Seungmin’s heart leapt. Wasn’t this a little dangerous with Jeongin right next to them? He pushed against Felix’s foot a little harder. Felix’s smile widened and he let out a laugh of relief. The temperature between them rose and not just because of the steaming slices of pizzas. How did Felix always do this? How was he always the brightness shining in the dark? The sun peeping through the clouds after a storm? If he was all of that to Seungmin, Seungmin wondered what he was to Felix.

 

“Hey,” Jeongin called out in a warning.

 

At first, Seungmin assumed it was because the boy had caught on to the fact that something might have been going on between him and Felix. Seungmin straightened out his face like he was snapping out of a daydream but when he looked up, Jeongin’s eyes were focused on a point to Seungmin’s right. The boy’s expression was startled and strained, like a cornered rat facing a stalking cat.

 

“Hey,” Jeongin repeated, his voice far higher and squeakier this time. He managed to lift a finger and point.

 

It was all the notice Seungmin got.

 

Now there was someone sliding into the seat next to him, moving him across the cushion towards the inside of the booth as effortlessly as if he weighed nothing. Heat encased him. Lava hot. His foot fell away from Felix’s beneath the table and the jolt of their separation seemed to be what pulled him into the moment. Now it was Seungmin’s turn to gasp out a “Hey!”

 

“Good evening,” Hyunjin said, making himself comfortable in the space Seungmin had forcefully vacated. “I heard this place was really good.”

 

Once it clicked in Seungmin’s head what was going on, he opened his eyes wide and gasped. “Good…” he started, almost unable to finish, “...evening.”

 

Felix paused in his chewing. He looked more annoyed than anything else. “I didn’t know you were bringing someone else, Seungmin.”

 

“I didn’t either,” Seungmin told him. “This is a total surprise.”

 

“Doesn’t look like a good one,” Jeongin quipped, hardly above a whisper.

 

Seungmin looked up at Hyunjin and leaned towards his ear. “What are you doing here?”

 

Loudly, Hyunjin declared, “I can’t come see my _boyfriend_?” He hooked his eyes in Felix’s direction as if fishing for a reaction.

 

Felix, to his credit, just swallowed his food calmly and kept his eyes trained on the silver tray that held their pizza.

 

Seungmin tugged at Hyunjin’s shirt to get his attention. “I’m serious, Hyunjin. What are you doing here?”

 

“I’m serious, too.” Hyunjin grabbed a slice of Meat Maestro and took a bite from off the tip. He looked at Seungmin. “I just wanted to see you.”

 

“But how did you know where I was?”

 

Juyeon walked up to the table, hands shoved in his apron pockets. “You guys, how is everything? Anybody need refills?” He looked at Hyunjin and smiled at him like they were schoolmates instead of like they were employee and patron. “You wanna drink anything, boss?”

 

Now Seungmin understood. “Hyunjin,” he whispered. “What are you--”

 

“I’ll take a lemonade,” Hyunjin said, mouth full of pizza. “Strawberry lemonade if you’ve got it.”

 

“Comin’ right up,” Juyeon said, crisply turning away.

 

It was obvious that Hyunjin wasn’t about to let himself be shooed away. He spread his legs wide on the seat so that he could push his thigh up against Seungmin’s beneath the table.

 

Seungmin started, “Why are you--”

 

“I was in the neighborhood, so I wanted to swing by,” Hyunjin interrupted.

 

Seungmin didn’t believe him for a second. It was the worst lie. He knew Juyeon had told Hyunjin where he was and the boy had come running.

 

“And since you won’t answer my calls,” Hyunjin continued, “maybe we can talk face to face.”

 

Shit shit shit. “Hyunjin,” Seungmin breathed out. Why here? Why now? Why in front of Felix? Dammit, this wouldn’t have happened if they went to the pizzeria downtown, if they didn’t eat somewhere with a member of Chan’s crew on the waitstaff. “Now might not be the best time.”

 

“And when will _be_ the best time?”

 

An awkward silence settled over the table. Hyunjin’s famous temper had flared. Was it Seungmin’s imagination or had everyone else in the restaurant gotten quieter? Jeongin and Felix both stared at Hyunjin with frightful curiosity, like he was a fearsome animal rampaging on the other side of a thin pane of glass at a zoo. Hyunjin seemed to bask in their staring. In their hesitation and fear. He balanced on the knife edge of tension in the air like an expert tightrope walker a hundred feet off the ground.

 

Seungmin didn’t like him like this. “You’re scaring me.”

 

That’s all it took. Hyunjin slumped his shoulders and said, in a much softer tone, “When will there ever be a better time than now to talk?” He grabbed Seungmin’s hand and squeezed so hard that it almost hurt. “When, Seungmin?”

 

 _Any_ time, Seungmin wanted to say. An hour from now. A day from now. A week from now. Never! Any time but right now would be a good time. “Hyunjin,” he exhaled, his throat bobbing as he swallowed around the name. “If you calm down a little--”

 

“I just want to talk,” said Hyunjin. “There’s so much I need to say and you probably have a lot to say, too. You probably hate me.”

 

“I don’t hate you.”

 

“Then talk to me,” Hyunjin croaked. “Stop making me come second to him.”

 

“Hyunjin.”

 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin mirrored his tone. He turned in the seat to better look at him. Their faces were so close that only honesty could fit between them. Now that Seungmin had no other place to look, he could see Hyunjin’s shaking bottom lip and the sadness in the corners of his eyes. “Don’t you see? I’m sorry. I came all the way here to say that. I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry. I will beg on my knees if I have to. I’ll do whatever you ask. I’ll climb mountains.” He raised a hand as if to place it against Seungmin’s cheek but then stopped himself. Reconsidered. “I really didn’t mean to. Seungmin, I swear to fucking god. Please.”

 

“Is this about that fight at school,” Jeongin asked, chewing. His voice reminded the two that they had an audience. “Is this about you punching the frick out of Taeyong?”

 

Seungmin glanced over at him. He said “Yeah” at the exact same time Hyunjin said “No.”

 

Felix looked back and forth between them at the contradicting answers. “Dude, what is going on with you two?”

 

“And right in front of my Pineapple Garden Party,” Jeongin huffed.

 

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin inhaled, held it and let it out. “This isn’t the best time.” This wasn’t a conversation they should have in front of other people. This was something that should wait until they were alone.

 

“It’ll be too late if we wait.” Hyunjin’s voice was uncharacteristically small and meek. He was no longer the ferocious fighter who stalked through the school hallways. He was the scared boy asking Seungmin for permission to like him quietly. “Name one good reason why we can’t talk now.”

 

Seungmin glanced over in Felix’s direction.

 

It was the incorrect thing to do. Hyunjin slammed his fist on the table, making them all jump.

 

“Please, Hyunjin,” Seungmin said from between gritted teeth. “If you’re going to act like this, go somewhere else.”

 

“Act like this?” Hyunjin parroted. “This is me, Seungmin. I’m always like this.”

 

 _But only at school_ , Seungmin added in his head. _Only when you’re trying to be cool_. But it dawned on him that maybe, just maybe, the anger was the true Hyunjin and the softness and tenderness he showed Seungmin, and only Seungmin, was the mask.

 

Jeongin took another bite of his pizza. “Is Hyunjin acting like that just because you punched someone?” He raised his eyebrows high enough that they disappeared beneath his bangs. “Is he… doing okay? Does he need help? My mom’s a therapist.”

 

Felix elbowed Jeongin in the side. “Chill out. Don’t piss him off. More than he already is.” Then, to Seungmin, he said, “He probably feels awful that you got involved with Taeyong. He doesn’t want to see you get hurt.”

 

“Why the flying fuck do you think _you_ know how I feel,” Hyunjin snapped.

 

When Felix recoiled, Seungmin knew he had to step in. Since he could not entirely stop this conversation, his next best bet was to redirect it. “I got involved because I wanted to. I punched Taeyong because he started that shit about Hyunjin.”

 

“Beating up that Jaemin kid, right?” Felix asked.

 

“I told you. Taeyong did that and tried to blame it on Hyunjin. Almost got away with it, too, because the bastards at school will eat anything up and call it gourmet.”

 

Felix said, “I’d never have believed that. Hyunjin wouldn’t do that. He kept Taeyong off Jaemin last semester.”

 

“Tell that to everyone at school,” Seungmin groaned.

 

Hyunjin’s hand found Seungmin’s thigh and gripped tight. Seungmin jumped at the sudden contact and turned to look at him. Hyunjin said, “I told you not to defend me. I begged you not to.”

 

“I couldn’t stand around and watch you get buried, Hyunjin. I care about you.”

 

“And I care about you, too. Which is why I didn’t want you to get involved.”

 

“But--”

 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin cut him off. “Didn’t I say that if you defend me once, you’ll be defending me forever? Everyone hates me.”

 

“I’d have gotten involved anyway because I’m _with_ you and I can’t stand to see people treat you that way.” He thought about how awful and lonely he felt walking into class with everyone getting quiet and staring at him and shying away from him like he carried the plague. “And I don’t think you’re half as okay with being treated like that as you keep acting.”

 

“You think you know how I feel, too? I really don’t care about them,” said Hyunjin. “They can do or say whatever they want. I’ll do whatever they think I can do. I’ll do worse.”

 

“Why?” Seungmin choked out. He had a vague idea that Hyunjin had built up this reputation as a way to prove something to his older brother but was that really it? Was Hyunjin willing to go this far? “Why do you _want_ everyone at school to be afraid of you?”

 

Hyunjin shook his head vehemently. “Not everyone,” he corrected. “Not you. Never you.” Hyunjin’s hand left Seungmin’s thigh only to poke and prod up his torso and across his shoulder before finally settling on Seungmin’s cheek. “I’m so sorry,” he said again. Clearly, the fight with Taeyong wasn’t what was weighing on his mind. The fight with Taeyong wasn’t what he was apologizing so profusely for. “Seungmin, I just got so scared… I know it’s not an excuse but forgive me. Please just know that it’ll never happen again.” He was leaning so much of his weight against Seungmin that he could feel Hyunjin’s heart thrashing in his chest. He could feel his body trembling.

 

Seungmin gulped, unsure of how to feel about such an open display of vulnerability right here in the middle of the restaurant. “Hyunjin.”

 

“I’ll never do it again. I swear. I swear.”

 

“What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is going on,” commented Jeongin, starting on another slice of his pineapple pizza. “All of this because of a punch or two?”

 

Felix elbowed him again. “That’s not what this is about anymore, dude.” Even he couldn’t keep completely quiet after all of this. “Seungmin, did something else happen? Did Taeyong come after you?”

 

Seungmin tried to turn to look at him, to answer him, but Hyunjin’s hand was still on his face, firm, preventing him from looking elsewhere.

 

Felix dropped his half-finished pizza slice onto his plate. More firmly, he asked, “Did Taeyong try to _get_ you?”

 

“Felix,” Seungmin attempted. “That’s not--”

 

Hyunjin brought his face close, his mouth pressed right up against Seungmin’s ear. “Hit me if you want.”

 

“What?” Seungmin gasped out, his eyes wide.

 

Hyunjin continued to whisper, “I’ll let you. I’ll let you hit me all you want. I deserve it. I’ll never scare you again.”

 

 _You’re scaring me right now_ , Seungmin thought. “I’m not going to do that.”

 

Hyunjin must have felt how tense Seungmin had gotten. He pulled away, dropping his hands into his lap and staring at the edge of the table, frowning like a dejected child. “I didn’t mean to. But I just… I was afraid I’d lose you.” His glance across the table was so brief that Seungmin wouldn’t have caught it if he hadn’t been watching Hyunjin’s face so intently. The boy said, “I’m _still_ afraid I’ll lose you. Every single day, I’m afraid I’ll lose you.”

 

Jeongin interjected, “That’s so sweet.”

 

Felix elbowed him in the side yet again.

 

Guilt clawed at Seungmin’s rib cage. Everything seemed to center around Felix. It was no excuse for such violence, but Hyunjin had gotten so angry with him because he knew full well about Seungmin’s lingering feelings for the redhead. And now, right here in this restaurant, he was behaving like this because Seungmin, once again, had gravitated towards Felix like a moon trapped in Felix’s orbit. Even now, with Hyunjin on the edge like this, crumbling under the weight of his own doubt, Seungmin could only think about how poorly Felix must think of him now. “Felix, look,” Seungmin said, “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I know I ruined your date. I’ll pay for all of this. How does that sound?”

 

“Dude,” Felix mumbled, “you don’t need to pay for us.”

 

“It would be a swell idea,” said Jeongin, ruining everything. “Don’t stop him, Felix.”

 

Felix ignored him. “Seungmin, obviously something big happened. If you want to talk later--” He reached a hand across the table in Seungmin’s direction.

 

Fast as a snake, Hyunjin reached out and slapped his hand.

 

“Ow,” Felix hissed, cradling his hand to his chest.

 

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin warned. “He was just…”

 

Hyunjin looked up at Seungmin, his eyes sparkling with a dangerous fire. In a breath, he closed the distance between their faces. His mouth was first against Seungmin’s lips, and then his jaw and at Seungmin’s neck, kissing and sucking. _Claiming_.

 

It was so sudden that Seungmin could only sit there stunned.

 

Jeongin clamped his hands over his mouth, his cheeks turning ruddy. Felix’s eyes went wide with shock at the sudden display.

 

Seungmin snapped out of it. He put his hands up against Hyunjin’s chest and pushed. Once. Twice. Three times before Hyunjin finally got the message and pulled away.

 

“What,” Hyunjin asked, breathless and angry. “You’ll let him mark you--” He waved a hand in Felix’s direction, “--but you won’t let me when _I’m_ your boyfriend?”

 

“Hyunjin, you’ve got the wrong idea,” Seungmin exhaled. He slid away from Hyunjin, wiping his hand over his neck where he could still feel the sting and moisture of Hyunjin’s mouth on his skin. “We should talk later.”

 

“What else have you two done behind my back?” Hyunjin near-shouted. “How far have you gone with Felix?”

 

“Huh?” Felix’s mouth fell open. His cheeks flushed with color.

 

Jeongin’s eyes went wide and he whirled on the seat to face Felix.

 

“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” Felix defended himself.

 

This had gone far enough.

 

Seungmin sat up straight and tried to keep the tremor out of his voice. “For the thousandth time, you idiot, Felix didn’t give me this _fucking_ hickey.” Everything had went up in flames around him. He couldn’t stop this fire. It would keep growing and growing, devouring everything. He was so hot. His uniform shirt was stifling and tight at his throat. He couldn’t breathe. Seungmin clenched his fists as the anger simmered down into some darker, colder, more dangerous emotion. All of this just because of one tiny little seed of distrust! “Hyunjin, I told you again and again that Felix didn’t do this to me.” He pointed at the mark on his neck, already starting to fade. “For the last time, he didn’t!” Now tears were springing to his eyes. He hadn’t even meant for them to show up. They had just come to him and now his throat was hot and tight and, dammit, the last thing he wanted to do was cry. “Do you hate me so much that you would think so little of me?”

 

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide and wild, as if he were only now starting to even _consider_ that Seungmin was telling him the truth.

 

Seungmin wiped tears from his face. Stupid stupid stupid tears. “I _told_ you… Minho was goofing around in the student store. He bit me on the neck... and it bruised.” He realized he was nearly yelling and lowered his voice. “Why can’t you trust me?” The last syllable left his mouth in a high-pitched squeaky sob that he did not intend.

 

Hyunjin slid to the edge of the booth and swung a leg out into the aisle. He pointed right at Felix as if to make it absolutely clear to everyone at the table why he was falling apart in front of them like this. “Because I’ll never be better than Felix to you.” He stood up. He looked so much taller when he was angry. His body seemed to fill the entire restaurant, his head seemed to touch the ceiling. In a quiet voice, he said, “Because I’ll always be second best.” He started to walk away.

 

Sniffling, Seungmin slid across the seat and grabbed the hem of his shirt. “Don’t go. We need to talk.”

 

Hyunjin attempted to pry Seungmin’s hand off of him but somehow did not have the strength. “Didn’t you tell me over and over that now wasn’t the time to talk?”

 

Juyeon returned to the table then, holding a tall glass of Hyunjin’s strawberry lemonade. A little belatedly, he caught on to the tense atmosphere at the table and his smile shorted out almost comically on his face. He sat the glass down and retreated just as quickly as he’d arrived.

 

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin said, tightening his grip in Hyunjin’s shirt. He knew he couldn’t say much more than that without his voice failing him.

 

“I’m tired of waiting, Seungmin,” Hyunjin said. He turned away and finally managed to peel away from Seungmin’s grasping hands. “I thought I could-- I thought I could wait forever… but that letter was never for me, remember?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp.


	29. In Which He Didn't See This Coming

“I know you like when I admit that I was wrong and you were right.

At least I try to keep my cool when I am thrown into a fire.”

 

Told You So by Paramore

 

That night, Seungmin did not leave his bedroom. 

 

At all. 

 

Not even for dinner, which was the most heinous of criminal offenses. 

 

He didn’t even leave when Mom told him everything would be okay and asked him to join them in the living room for a movie using a kind and patient voice from the other side of his closed door. 

 

Woojin did, however, knock (surprisingly gently) and announce that he left a tray of reheated food at Seungmin’s door around nine in the evening and that was honestly the most non-confrontational thing Seungmin expected out of his older brother tonight. 

 

He wondered if Mom made him do it.

 

Settling in on his computer chair at his desk with his food, Seungmin pulled out his phone and went to the poetry site where he always posted his tidbits. So much was going through his mind. So much had happened today but what stuck out the most was the catastrophe at the pizza place with Hyunjin begging him over and over for forgiveness with Seungmin completely unsure if forgiving him would be okay. It would be easy, yes, but would it be okay? Would it be  _ right _ ? Under a new post titled ‘Atlas’ he typed, simply, “The strength of the heaviest apology cannot hold up the weight of the lightest mistake.”

 

After posting it online, he wasn’t sure if the poem was Hyunjin’s words to him or his own words to Hyunjin. Redemption was a rocky road. Both of them had done wrong in different ways, on different levels, and they needed to talk about it but would an apology be enough to steady the rocky foundation their relationship was teetering on now?

 

He at least had to make a valiant effort.

 

Seungmin texted Hyunjin: ‘It’s strange not getting a good night text from you.’ Because it was. They always had a short chat before bed. Usually with one or the other falling asleep mid-conversation.

 

Seungmin waited for a reply. He did not get one.

 

He sent another text: ‘What do you want me to do, Hyunjin? Is there anything that will make this right?’

 

To answer his own questions, his mind supplied the volatile answer of cutting Felix out of his life completely. Like white blood cells consuming a virus. A surgeon cutting out a cyst. Wouldn’t separating himself from Felix solve the problem? If there was no temptation, Hyunjin would have no reason to be paranoid and angry and scary… but what kind of solution was that? Felix was his  _ friend _ . And so were the surfer boys, as chaotic as they could be. He did not want to break what they had to satisfy Hyunjin’s whims but, truly and honestly, Felix had been the single blemish on Seungmin’s relationship with Hyunjin this entire time. Since the very start. Felix was always the one obstacle keeping Hyunjin from truly trusting him. But as much sense as it would make to cut Felix out of his life, Seungmin knew it would hurt more than it would help. It would break more than it would mend. He would never be happy that way.

 

He would never be happy.

 

He sent one last text: ‘I’m sorry that I put you through this.’ 

 

Then, filled with nerves, he pushed his phone aside and focused on his dinner. Earlier that evening, Woojin had put burgers on the grill in the backyard, smoked them good and topped them with lettuce, sauteed orange and green peppers, cheese, caramelized onions and a generous helping of steak sauce. On the side were tart pickles, seasoned fries and baked beans. It was tasty and was exactly what a hot evening like this needed. Seungmin preferred the oven to the grill, so the burgers probably wouldn’t have turned out half as good if he had made them. The sauce had a nice, slow heat to it, the meat was tender and perfectly salted, the flavor of the onions was bright and stood out pleasantly. The meal was messy, though, so Seungmin slid his keyboard out of harm’s way and found a drama episode to watch on his computer before he dug in.

 

Another poem came to mind. 

 

“The sun and moon at opposite sides,” he recited aloud, his mouth full of fries, “light from one reveals darkness on the other.”  _ Come on, Seungmin, keep it going _ , he told himself. He sifted through his emotions and attempted to dig out what was deeply buried. The more raw the better. “One stands in front of the other,” he kept going, “and their shared space makes the sky grow dim.”

 

Once he finished eating, he’d type it out and post it. Label it something wild like ‘To Love: Two Loves.’

 

He concentrated on his meal once more, dipping the last little chunk of burger bun in his hand into the steak sauce that had dripped from the burger onto his tray.

 

All he could think about was Hyunjin and the multiple ways the boy’s anger was probably justified. Seungmin had chosen Hyunjin but, as the boy had said himself, Seungmin still put him second. That had to hurt and Seungmin knew it but he did it anyways. He knew exactly what it felt like to be compared to someone else and always come up short. He  _ knew _ that feeling but he did it to Hyunjin anyways. They were together but they weren’t really  _ together _ because Seungmin just could not commit. Physically, perhaps, but not in his heart. Not in the one place it mattered. Even when Seungmin was with Hyunjin, all of his thoughts revolved around Felix. Even when Hyunjin was falling apart in front of him, Seungmin’s eyes always landed on Felix, he always wondered what Felix was thinking. It was always Felix Felix Felix. Hyunjin was right to fear that he would lose Seungmin because Seungmin had made it very easy for Hyunjin to believe that he could be lost. Seungmin did nothing to stop Hyunjin’s worries and wasn’t that something very real to get angry about? 

 

“What am I supposed to do,” Seungmin wondered. 

 

Finished with his meal, Seungmin braved the hallway outside of his bedroom for the first time since he got home from school. At this time of night, the house was quiet. Only a single light in the kitchen was on and its brightness barely illuminated the hall. Seungmin didn’t need much light, however. He dashed up the hall for a desperately needed bathroom break and then went back to his room to collect his trash. As much as he loved and appreciated a lazy day, he hadn’t really realized how hard it was to stay in one place when his mind wanted to be in a hundred places at once. Woojin seemed to already be in bed for the night. His older brother’s bedroom door was shut tight and the light in his room was off. Good. That was one less boss battle he would have to face today. Seungmin went to the kitchen, dumped his trash and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He had thought he’d been quiet but on his way back to his room, he spotted Mom in the hallway. She was in her nightgown, her hair falling past her shoulders, and she stood patient and still in the space just in front of her door, clearly waiting to speak with her youngest son. 

 

She was also leaning against the door frame, giving Seungmin ample room to walk right past her if he so desired.

 

He didn’t desire to walk right past her. He needed her.

 

“Hey, Mom,” he said, unscrewing the cap on the water bottle and taking a sip.

 

“I heard from Woojin about what happened today,” she said, keeping her tone even and judgment-free. 

 

He sighed. This would be a painful conversation but it was one they needed to have. “Do… Do you have a minute, Mom?”

 

“Always, pumpkin,” she told him, sighing. Smiling. “Always.”

 

He followed her into her room. Unlike his room, where every spot on the wall had a poster tacked to it, where every shelf was weighed down with rows of manga and figurines, where boxes were haphazardly stacked up and filled with books and video games and childish trinkets, Mom’s room was refined liked the room of a Hollywood actress. The colors were simple but the furniture was well-made and timeless. 

 

Still, there was an emptiness to the room. Even after all of these years, Seungmin could spot the places where Dad’s things used to be. Even up until now, Mom hadn’t done much to replace him.

 

She took a seat on the edge of her bed. He sat down on the ottoman in front of her armchair in the corner. 

 

For several seconds, they just sat in each other’s company. An unfinished slice of pecan pie sat on Mom’s nightstand next to a nonfiction book about office leadership. The window by her dresser was open halfway and Seungmin could smell the salty tang of the ocean and hear the high-pitched cricket song outside. Mom’s television was on but it was muted. It was turned to some family sitcom that filled the corners of the room with a whitish blue glow.

 

It didn’t take long for Seungmin’s emotions to boil over. It didn’t take long for him to hate sitting in the quiet of the room while his head kept being so loud. Seungmin couldn’t think of any other way to ask this so he just went for it: “Mom, how did you know that things with Dad just weren’t going to work out?”

 

The silence drifted on. Mom’s clock on the wall counted out the seconds.

 

Eventually, Mom sighed and folded her arms across her chest. “I didn’t know,” she said sadly. Another silence. Longer this time. “Well, I noticed and tried to change things, but apparently I didn’t change enough. A relationship is impossible to improve if only one person is putting in the work.”

 

Seungmin took another sip of his water and waited for her to finish. Waited for her to say whatever magic words he needed to hear so that all of his problems with Hyunjin could be solved.

 

“But maybe I never got the chance to change things,” she said. It was the exact opposite of what he’d been wishing for her to say. “As you know, he left without warning. I didn’t find out about the other… about  _ anything _ until after he had left and moved to Seoul.” She ran a hand through her hair and then slid over on her bed so that she could reach her pecan pie. With the plate on her lap, she scooped up a chunk of pie with a fork and bit into it, chewing slowly. He could tell it was store bought just by looking at the crust. She said, “If both sides of the relationship aren’t on one page then things just won’t move forward. That’s all there is to it.”

 

Seungmin frowned and bit his bottom lip. That sounded complicated. More complicated than he wanted it to be. He needed something magic and instant and perfect. “Things won’t move forward, huh?” He wanted to be on the same page as Hyunjin but now he was starting to wonder if they were just in different books on different shelves.

 

Mom spotted the look on his face. “Don’t be afraid. No relationship is perfect. No partnership is easy. It may start off that way because everything is new and cozy but spend enough time together, let enough months pass, and you’ll run into tough spots. That’s just how things are. There will always be bumps in the road, Seungmin. Your bumps. His bumps. Bumps that have nothing to do with either of you but they get in the way regardless. Some people meet that kind of resistance and their first instinct,” her eyes went a little unfocused as she stared at the other side of the room, “is to flee.” She paused to take another bite of pie. The sound of her chewing and the low buzz of the muted TV were the only noises in the room for quite some time. Mom continued, “When messes happen, when mistakes are made, you’re allowed to fight and clash because we’re human and we all want or need different things but the important part about fighting over an issue is to get to the root of the problem and solve it together. You can’t sit back and wait for things to be magically fixed. You have to put in the work. That’s how you grow. That’s how you keep going. You don’t run from the hard times, you work through them.” She seemed to remember she was talking to her son and glanced across the room in his direction. She looked at him for a long, hard moment. “Does this have anything to do with what happened at school?”

 

It was a wild subject change but he knew that’s what she wanted to talk about from the start. “No,” Seungmin admitted. “Well… yes. Kind of. Not really. I mean… Yeah.”

 

She didn’t pressure him to speak. She put her fork down on her plate and waited for him even though it took a long, quiet minute.

 

Seungmin found his words. “Hyunjin and I are having problems,” he said. “What Woojin has been saying from the start is true. Hyunjin’s got a bit of a messed up reputation but he’s not as messed up as people think. I mean, he’s messed up but he’s not messed up enough to do  _ all _ of the things our classmates accuse him of doing.” He looked up at his mother, torn between bottling up his emotions and letting them spill out around him. No. He was tired of keeping things hidden. It exhausted him. “Some dude at school spread false rumors about Hyunjin. Something really terrible that I knew Hyunjin didn’t do, that I had _ proof _ he didn’t do but no one believed me. I found out the truth, found the guy who spread the rumors and punched him in the face. In front of everyone.” He laughed without meaning to, without any real humor or joy behind it. Talking about it still felt like he was recounting some crazy anime episode, not recalling something that he had actually done in real life. Seungmin pushed on, “But Hyunjin’s mad at me for defending him. He’s mad at me for getting myself involved. He  _ wants _ to have a bad reputation at school even though he hates it. I know he hates it. I can tell whenever I look at him.”

 

Gently, Mom asked, “Then why does he want people to think that way about him?”

 

“There’s a reason. He’s never told me explicitly but I can kind of guess that his family isn’t the most receptive of his orientation. You know who his parents are. And his brother’s an MMA fighter. On TV sometimes. Probably eats, drinks and sleeps hypermasculinity or something. Hyunjin’s logic is a little skewed but I think he believes that if he can prove to his brother that he’s the toughest and scariest dude at school, if he can beat his brother in the ring, then it doesn’t matter if he’s gay or not because his brother will have to accept him for his skill.”

 

Mom seemed to sense that this wasn’t the core of the problem. “And  _ that’s _ why you two are having issues? Is that why you’re asking me if I know the signs that a relationship isn’t working?”

 

She had backed him into a corner. 

 

Probably purposefully. 

 

The weight of her question was immense. Mom was making Seungmin admit his mistakes and even though it kind of hurt to be so wrong, he appreciated having to face himself in such a way. “I don’t think I like Hyunjin,” he stated. Wait. No. That wasn’t right. He corrected himself. “I don’t think that he’s the  _ only _ person that I really like.” Felix Felix Felix Felix. “There’s this other guy who means a lot to me and Hyunjin’s been making assumptions--”

 

Mom sat her pecan pie back on the nightstand.

 

She didn’t do it in a nasty way or say anything or do anything but the noise was enough to rattle Seungmin and get him thinking. Really thinking. He was being just like Dad.  _ There’s someone else _ .

 

“Well,” Mom exhaled, her face blank and her eyes tired, “If we could only like one person at a time, relationships would be far more cut and dry but life’s just not that easy.” She met Seungmin’s eyes from across the room. Even after all of that, she managed to smile. Genuinely. Full of hope. “Just talk to him, pumpkin. It’s up to him if he wants to listen but you need to  _ speak _ before he’s too far away to hear you.”

 

Seungmin stood up. Her words wasn’t magic but they were close. “Thanks, Mom. Goodnight.” He walked across the room towards the door.

 

“Anytime, Seungmin.”

 

He stopped at her door. “Mom?”

 

“Yes, pumpkin?”

 

“I want to meet this new guy you’re dating whenever you get the chance.” Then he added, “I’m sure he’s a great man.” He gave her his best smile.

 

“Thanks, Seungmin,” she said, her own smile brightening. Her relief filled the room. “I’m sure he’d like to meet the two of you as well.”

 

On his way out, Seungmin shut her door and stepped out into the hall. Just before he closed it all of the way, he heard the door across the hall quietly click shut and his eyes hooked in the direction of Woojin’s door suspiciously.

 

Of course.

 

Maybe it was time for that boss battle after all. 

 

Straightening his spine and taking a deep breath, Seungmin crossed the hall and swung open his brother’s door without knocking. There was just enough light in the hall coming from his own room that he could see his brother whirl around to face him, his eyes startled and wide in the dark.

 

“Seungmin,” Woojin hissed, caught red-handed.

 

“You were listening in, weren’t you?” Seungmin asked him straight up. He could easily picture Woojin standing right next to Mom’s doorway, eavesdropping like he always did. “Weren’t you?”

 

Woojin didn’t say anything because it was obvious Seungmin was right.

 

“I’m standing right here. So say it.” Seungmin lowered his voice to a whisper. He didn’t want Mom to hear them fighting. “You got what you wanted, Woojin. Now you can go on and on and on about how you were right and about how I was stupid and wrong for giving Hyunjin a chance. Now’s your time to shine.” He waited and waited but got no response. “Isn’t this what you do best, Woojin? Doing everything perfectly and then telling me that everything I do is wrong?”

 

“Seungmin,” his brother’s voice was low and rough. It sounded disembodied coming out of the dark of his room.

 

The younger Kim brother stepped farther in. He whispered, “I’m going to lose Hyunjin now. Aren’t you happy? You begged me not to date him and now you’re getting your wish. He hates me and I deserve it because I can’t even like him with everything that I have.”  _ Because of you _ , he added in his head.  _ Because every day I’m with him, I know you hate every second of it. _ “You won.”

 

Seungmin’s eyes were slowly adjusting to the dark. He could see more and more of Woojin’s face now. Not much but  _ enough _ . He expected to see a smug, shit-eating grin on his brother’s face but he was surprised to see a sad, worried frown.

 

Woojin stepped up to Seungmin and put a hand on his shoulder to move him.

 

At first, Seungmin thought his older brother was about to throw him out into the hall. That would have been fine, that would have been dandy, but instead Woojin slid him to the side, shut the door and threw them both into pitch blackness.

 

It was hot and stuffy in the room. 

 

The tingly scent of some woodsy cologne lingered in the corners. Seungmin could hear the fan in the corner whirring. He could hear it rustle papers and stir the air, he could feel the wind it moved brush over his arm.

 

“You’re happy, aren’t you,” Seungmin asked. It felt like the best thing to say to keep this conversation. “You’re happy that things with Hyunjin and I went to shit.”

 

“I never liked him,” Woojin admitted.

 

“But now--”

 

“But,” Woojin interrupted, “I never want to see you get hurt.”

 

Seungmin could barely see him but he could feel his brother step right up in front of him.

 

“I know I get on your case about everything, Seungmin, but I don’t do it because I hate you. I do it because I love you. But this thing with Hyunjin… I know that you thought you could be his savior. I know that you thought you could save him somehow but you can’t treat people like your little video games. You can’t treat people like trophies to be won or princesses to be saved.”

 

Ugh. Seungmin couldn’t take the wait. “Just say it, Woojin. Say that you told me this was going to happen. Hold it over my head, already. You never wanted me and him to get together and now this has happened. So say you told me so. I know that it’s all you want to say.”

 

“Keep it down.”

 

Seungmin clamped his mouth shut. He squeezed his eyes closed and then opened them but it didn’t make much of a difference. He couldn’t see at all. “I hid from you all evening because I know I’m just a big, fat disappointment to you but now I’m standing right here so just say it, Woojin. Tell me I’m not going to be worth anything.”

 

“Seungmin, I will never  _ ever _ say something like that to you.”

 

“Then what do you want?” Seungmin begged. “Why did you bring me in here?”

 

Woojin’s left hand grabbed Seungmin’s wrist, his elbow, prodded up his arm until it clasped Seungmin’s shoulder. “I’m going to ask you a very important question, Seungmin,” Woojin whispered, so quietly it was like a thought. “And I’m going to need you to answer me honestly.”

 

“What is it,” Seungmin asked. He already had a feeling, though. He couldn’t see Woojin’s face at all but he could hear how serious his brother was, feel how hard his hands were digging into his shoulders.

 

“Did he hit you?” Woojin asked plainly. “Please don’t lie to me. Please.”

 

Seungmin hesitated. He knew this was coming but it still took his breath away. It was like seeing the headlights barreling down but being unable to move out of the road.

 

“Seungmin,” Woojin prompted, giving his brother’s shoulders a firm shake.

 

He tried to open his mouth to speak, pulled it shut, opened it again. Seungmin remembered the thud of Hyunjin’s foot against the locker by his knee. He remembered the crash of Hyunjin’s fist right next to his head. “I thought he was going to but he didn’t.” Seungmin didn’t know how he expected his brother to react to that but being hugged by him was the last thing he thought he would get. 

 

It was the last thing he thought he needed.

 

Woojin pulled him close, one hand on the back of his head, the other gripping him at the neck. “Seungmin,” Woojin sighed. “I’m sorry.” They stayed like that for a while. Silent. Breathing. “I tried so hard to protect you from this.” Woojin squeezed him and squeezed him, to the point where it hurt, to the point where Seungmin thought that he might end up crying. That he might break. Then Woojin loosened his grip and pulled back. “You can’t change him, Seungmin,” Woojin finally said. “He can only change himself.” He stepped away, found the door and pulled it open.

 

“Isn’t this exactly what you wanted, though,” Seungmin asked. He couldn’t help himself. Part of him longed to hear Woojin laugh and exclaim that he saw this coming from a mile away. Seungmin kept his eyes on Woojin’s face even as his older brother pushed him out the open door and into the hallway. “We’re going to break up now. Isn’t that what you wanted? He won’t even talk to me, Woojin. He’s finished with me. I broke his trust and now he’s going to leave me. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

 

Woojin said nothing. He probably couldn’t. He let out one last sigh and closed the door in Seungmin’s face. He mumbled a “good night” from the other side of the wood and that was it.

 

Back in his room, Seungmin collapsed onto his bed. 

 

It had been a long day so he made time to tend to his many wounds, physical and emotional. Alcohol swabs for the cuts on his knuckles from punching Taeyong. A sleeve of Golden Oreos and a reread of his favorite chunk of  _ Howl’s Moving Castle _ to soothe his soul. 

 

He wished it was the weekend so he wouldn’t have to go right back to school in the morning.

 

He didn’t know if he could face his classmates again. He didn’t know if he could face Hyunjin.

 

It was past midnight, past his bedtime, when he was overwhelmed with the desire to hear Hyunjin’s voice. To clear the air between them and fix things. Mom was right. They needed to talk because talking was the only way that they would get through this. Talking was the only way they could grow. Seungmin picked up his phone, surprised but not surprised to see that Hyunjin still hadn’t replied to any of his texts, and then dialed Hyunjin’s number. He could tell by how quickly that it went to voicemail that Hyunjin had seen his name and declined his call. He wondered if he deserved it. He had done the exact same thing to Hyunjin mere hours ago. If he had answered back then, perhaps Hyunjin never would have made that scene at the pizza parlor. Seungmin dialed again but, this time, it rang and rang before going to voicemail. He gave Hyunjin another call. The boy still didn’t answer. He wondered if Hyunjin had turned his phone completely off or if he was sitting in bed, staring at his phone light up with each new call. Seungmin hung up and tried one more time. He had on his big boy britches now so when Hyunjin’s pre-recorded message turned into a beep, he had a speech prepared. 

 

And then he opened his mouth and promptly forgot it. 

 

A squeak slipped out of his mouth before he mustered up the courage to talk. “Hyunjin…” It was all he could manage. What could he say? What could he  _ possibly _ say? “Please don’t leave things like this.”

 

He hung up.

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Tuesday morning, Seungmin and Jisung stood outside their classroom door as usual. 

 

“Okay,” snapped Jisung, looking up from his phone. “That’s it. That’s the last damn straw.” He held out one hand, palm up. “I’m revoking your weeaboo card. What the hell, dude?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you haven’t seen an absolute classic.”

 

“How is it a classic? The anime is like three years old. Tops.”

 

“Who cares. You haven’t seen it. Give me your weeaboo card.” He smacked Seungmin in the chest with his hand like he actually expected Seungmin to pull a card out from somewhere.

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “I should take yours, too.”

 

Jisung shook his head. “No. You’ve never seen Heavy Object.”

 

“You’ve never seen Bakemonogatari!”

 

“Do you know how long that is? There’s so many seasons. Too much. Even the title is a mouthful.”

 

“Like the number of episodes stopped you before,” Seungmin reminded him. “You watched Hunter x Hunter, remember? Ugh. I can give you a list of the order you need to watch the Monogatari series in. Hell, I’ll let you borrow all of the books.”

 

“Dude,” Jisung huffed. “There’s like a million of those, too. You know I don’t like reading.” 

 

There  _ were _ a lot of them. Seungmin made a face.

 

“I’d rather see the bouncing tits with my eyes, not visualize them in my head.”

 

“There’s tits in the show, dude,” Seungmin tried to convince him. “And… a whole bunch of… other stuff. Like plot. And gorgeous animation.”

 

“There’s even bigger tits in Occultic Nine. I guarantee. They’re like out to here, dude.” Jisung demonstrated by making cupping motions with his hands in front of his chest. He almost dropped his phone in the process. “They’re fucking huge.”

 

Seungmin rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “If anything, you need  _ your _ weeaboo card revoked. You’ve never seen Kiznaiver.”

 

“You’ve lived on this earth and haven’t watched Dimension W. Clearly, my tastes are superior. There are so many holes in your list, dude.”

 

“Okay, you see them as holes. I just see them as places where your expertise covers my weaknesses. You know, just another one of the great reasons why you’re my best friend.”

 

Jisung stuck out his bottom lip. “Aww. Best friend.” They held each other’s gazes. The moment didn’t last long. Jisung groaned, “Just watch the fucking shows I told you about.”

 

“You should watch the ones _ I  _ tell you about.”

 

“What, do you want to have a mega-marathon or something?”

 

Seungmin laughed. “That’ll take weeks.”

 

“And how long is summer vacation? Weeks.”

 

Seungmin’s eyes went wide with realization. “Ohhh!” 

 

“We can watch everything. Including that stupid show about the girls who yell at each other in that empty classroom.”

 

“Asobi Asobase? That’s not stupid. It’s genius. The sight gags are out of this world.”

 

“There’s no explosions, dude.”

 

“Not all great anime have explosions.”

 

“They sure do.”

 

“Morning, guys,” Felix called out.

 

The boys stopped their conversation to turn and look at him. Felix stood with a noticeable lean to the right, that same shoulder weighed down by a backpack that was stuffed fuller than usual. Probably all of his exam prep stuff. Seungmin wouldn’t know. He left all of his at home. He didn’t give two shits about his grades. “Hey,” Seungmin said airily. He wasn’t sure how he should approach a conversation with the guy. Yesterday had been such a shit show and, even right now, he felt like what little sense of normalcy he’d built up talking with Jisung had just crumbled underneath him and left him falling.

 

Well, at least one of the two still had his wits. “Sup, dude,” Jisung called out. He shoved his phone in his pocket. “You’ve got a bowling ball in there or something?” He pointed at Felix’s bulging backpack.

 

“Just stuff for my study group,” Felix explained. “Final exams are next week. Next week! The semester is gonna be over before you know it.”

 

“Oh, I know it. I’m counting down the days.” Jisung grinned wide. “I’m counting down the hours! I can’t wait to be out of here for a few months.” 

 

Felix looked away from Jisung and his eyes landed on Seungmin. His expression changed just like that. His face got all cloudy and gray like the sky before a storm.

 

Seungmin didn’t dare meet his eye. Just being this close to him felt like something forbidden.

 

“Are we in the way,” Jisung asked, taking a step back out of the doorway.

 

There was plenty of space for Felix to get past them and enter the classroom now but he didn’t move. He just kept looking at Seungmin, his expression mostly unreadable.

 

Jisung knew a cue to leave when he saw one. “Let me borrow that gel pen, Seungmin. The light green one. It’s in your pencil case, right?” And then he shuffled off towards his assigned seat.

 

Felix barely waited for him to be out of earshot. “Seungmin, are you okay?” He reached out a hand and allowed it to rest on Seungmin’s arm. Skin against skin. “I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you since yesterday. I actually got kind of worried.”

 

“I’m fine,” Seungmin said. Then he deflected, “How are you?”

 

The redhead ignored the question. “You ran out of the pizza place and never came back. I called you. We waited for you. Nearly an hour.”

 

“Sorry,” Seungmin said, relaxing into the warmth of Felix’s hand. It was almost instinctive. He wanted to get closer. “I guess I should have at least told you guys not to wait.”

 

“You didn’t even get to eat all of your pizza! I saved it. The slices are in my lunchbox if you want to eat at our table today.”

 

Seungmin didn’t say anything. All he was concerned about was the possibility of Hyunjin seeing them standing so close together like this. They weren’t doing anything. Really, they weren’t doing anything, but what would Hyunjin see?

 

“What happened,” Felix asked. He squeezed Seungmin’s arm and pulled the boy out of his thoughts. “Yesterday, you just ran off. Even Jeongin got concerned.”

 

“I tried to chase down Hyunjin but I’m no good at running.” Seungmin still remembered screaming the boy’s name over and over as he ran out of the building. He remembered watching Hyunjin sprint down the sidewalk and out of sight, not slowing for a second, not even when Seungmin begged him to. “I had to talk myself out of walking all the way to his house… and when I got back to the pizza place, I was so embarrassed.” He thought about the texts and calls he’d sent Hyunjin and how, even today, Hyunjin hadn’t responded to any of them. “I stood outside the pizza place for like five minutes too afraid to go in. I was afraid to talk to you. Still am.” With every ounce of strength in his body, he brushed Felix’s hand off of his arm.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Felix asked, frowning. He almost put his hand back on Seungmin’s arm but stopped himself with his fingers a breath above Seungmin’s sleeve. “What did I do that could possibly scare you?”

 

_ Be yourself _ , Seungmin thought.  _ Be so wonderful and bright like the sun. Make me fall for you like this _ .

 

“Oh,” Felix exhaled. It was like he had read Seungmin’s mind. Only then did he drop his hand to his side and step back, giving Seungmin some breathing room. 

 

“Don’t frown like that. It’s not your fault, Felix. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“You sure? I must have did something if he got that pissed at you over me. If he went nuts and said I left that hickey.”

 

Seungmin felt his heart speed up. It was like he had eaten too much sugar and the rush was going straight to his head. “It’s all me, Felix. Everything’s my fault. Even though I’m with him, I can’t get over you.” He hadn’t meant to say it. Or, rather, he had intended to word it in a way that wasn’t so desperate, in a way that didn’t sound so clingy and pathetic and stupid stupid stupid. He clamped his mouth shut. He wished he could snatch those words back.

 

“Then choose…” Felix audibly gulped and looked up at him. His eyes were big and dark and searched Seungmin’s face for a clue. Seungmin saw the moment where Felix decided to say something. No. The moment Felix decided  _ not _ to say something. He bit his bottom lip and looked away. Then, eventually, he turned back and said, “Hyunjin said something about a letter, didn’t he? Yesterday. He said it wasn’t for him… so does that mean it was for me?”

 

Seungmin didn’t say anything because he didn’t know if he had anything worth saying.

 

Felix put two and two together. “But you gave it to him instead.”

 

“I gave it to him by accident,” Seungmin corrected.

 

“How does that even work?”

 

“I dropped it and he picked it up. He read it and confessed to me.”

 

Felix’s expression soured. He furrowed up his eyebrows like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Then, at long last, he smiled. A small thing like the first rays of dawn peeking out over the ocean. “If it means anything, I would have loved to have gotten a letter from you.” His words were simple yet they were massive and destructive. They changed everything. They blew Seungmin’s mind, but, of course, Felix chose that moment to walk away.


	30. In Which He Did See This Coming

"I'm hard to love,

I know I'm hard to love.

Working on it everyday,

Working on it everyday,

So don't let me get away."

 

Warning From My Demons by Slaves

 

Hyunjin said, "We should break up."

 

Seungmin said, "Okay."

 

/\/\/\/\/\

 

Felix said, "We should go out."

 

Seungmin said, "Okay."


End file.
